THE CHARACTER OF THE RUMP.  
LONDON, Printed in the Year 1660.   

The Character of the RUMP.  
A Rump is the hinder part of the manyheaded Beast, the Backdoor of the Devil's Arse a Peake, Tyranny and Rebellion ending in a Stink, the State's Incubus, a Crab Commonwealth with the But end foremost; 't is a Town-ditch swelling above the walls, a Sink taking possession of the whole House, the Humours left behind after the substance of the Body politic is purged away by the devil's potions, the Tumour of the Breech, Caninus Apetitus in Ano, the Epilogue grown greater than the Play, the Close of the Will crept into the place of In nomine Dei Amen, the Whore of Babylon with her Arse upwards, 'tis like a Comet which is all tail, and portends no less mischief, or you may call it the tail of the Great Dragon, and 'tis a Thumper, for the devil's tail in Chaucer, being stuck in this, would look but like a maggot in a Tub of Tallow, and yet he saith 
That certainly Sathanas hath such a Tail  
Broader than of a Pinnace is the Sail.   
If you would reach me the Aequator, or rather one of the Tropiques, I would give a shrewd guess at its abominable bigness; but 'tis best measured with the Sword, as there is one hath done it to my hands, Saint George killed the Dragon, but George Monck killed the Dragon's tail; 'tis pity to blurr this sheet with its prodigious nature, unless we mean to make it a winding-sheet for their Rumpships, but that is needless, for they have another Scene to act, under the Gallows, it being just they should corrupt the air being dead, that made it their business to oppress the earth whilst they were living; Its mother is Rebellion, and the Devil its reported father, but the truth is, it owes its first being to the Pope, who that time made the Devil a Cuckold; Folly and Self-interest were its Nurses, but the noble General Brown was its Godfather, 'tis observed that Pride first raised them, and Pride it was that gave them their first fall; when Noll, like an expert Mountebank gave them a Glister of Opium, which made the Speaker dumb, and (O wonder) kept Sir Arthur's everlasting wag-tailed tongue quiet, and put them all into a sleep, which would have lasted till doomsday, if the rustling of a Lamb-beard had not awakened them, but they have had a nap since, and besides that, the symptoms of death are now upon them, for by the violence of a Scotch potion they are become stark mad, and every day are about to destroy themselves, the only Cordial which is left them is the hopes of a Commonwealth, and there can be no restorative, but an Army of Sectaries; their physic hitherto hath been only purging, but because the matter of the disease is a Mass of earth, (Kings and others Lands) lying upon their consciences) the noble Monk is providing them a Vomit, which with an Aymulett of Hemp to be tied about their necks, will render them perfectly cured, An ingenious person hath observed, that Scot is the Rumps man Thomas, and they might have said to him when he was so busy with the General, 
Peace for the Lords sake Thomas, lest Monck take us,  
And drag us out as Hercules did Cacus.   
But John Milton is their Goos-quill Champion, who had need of A Help meet to establish any thing, for he has a Ramshead, and is good only at Batteries, an old Heretic both in Religion and Manners, that by his will would shake off his Governors as he doth his Wives, four in a Fortnight, the Sunbeams of his scandalous papers against the late King's book, is the Parent that begot his late new Commonwealth, and because he like a Parasite as he is, by flattering the then tyrannical power, hath run himself into the briers, the man will be angry if the rest of the Nation will not bear him company, and suffer themselves to be decoyed into the same condition; he is so much an enemy to usual practices, that I believe when he is condemned to travel to Tyburn in a Cart, he will petition for the favour to be the first man that ever was driven thither in a Wheel-barrow; and now John you must stand close and draw in your Elbows, that Needham the Commonwealths Didapper may have room to stand by you; this is a Mercury with a winged conscience, the Skip-Jack of all fortunes, that like a Shuttlecock drive him which way you will, falls still with the Cork end forwards: The Rumps Trumpeter being he that first found out the way to make a Fart sound in Paper; A rare Fellow at funeral Orations, witness his eloquent shreds in praise of that Devil incarnate King-killing Bradshaw, a brazen face that dares lay his excrements under the Nose of the whole World, and hath less wit than the Countryman, who patting down his Breeches in the open Streets, turned his Buttocks to the Company, because they were not so well known as his Face; he was one of the Spokes of harrington's Rota, till he was turned out for cracking. As for Harrington he's but a demy-semy in the Rumps Music, and should be good at the Cymbal, for he is all for wheeling Instruments, and having a good invention, may in time find out the way to make a Consort of Grind-Stones. He hath Oceans in his head, which if he take not heed will deluge his other Parts. He is no common Man, for such he says can only feel and not see, but the next summer he will see his Errors first, and then feel the smart of them, would any man in his wits (think he) renounced his own present Interest, and possession, to be at the courtesy of others for another Portion or Inheritance. The People of England have lived happily even to the envy of others under Regal Government, they knew their own Rights, and Native Privileges, shall they surrender these, and cancel their present happiness which they are sure of, for the expectance of a better condition at the will and pleasure of new Masters, upon the only security of Mr. harrington's Romantic Commonwealth? that the new Senators will do all they can to keep the People in slavery, and to support their own Authority, is strongly to be presumed from the fresh example of the late Monopolizers at Westminster, and if they should do so, what better remedy have the freeborn people of England, than Mr. Harrington had against him, that said his Oceana was a Strumpet, he may know that if there were any inconvenience (as no Government is perfect) yet it is prudence rather to suffer a Stone ill placed in the Foundation (though it be an eyesore) to lie unmoved then by endeavouring to pluck it out, endanger the whole building. How many new Laws have been made in this Nation, with full and deliberate advice of the three Estates for the benefit of the Commonwealth, when yet time and experience, the touchstones of truth, have found them inconvenient afterwards, and given occasion of their Repeal in subsequent Parliaments. Have not many men applauded themselves with the beautiful figure of a House drawn in Paper, when the material building framed after the model hath deluded their hopes, and given Repentance in stead of Satisfaction? Surely Mr. Harrington did not copy any of his lines out of the Book of Fate, therefore there is no necessity but that it may be subject to the incidents of other projects, whereof not one in a thousand but have engaged the untakers in infinite more troubles and vexations, than were at first foreseen. I shall say no more of him, but desire him to recant in time, lest he be esteemed hereafter but the Rump of a Politician. The Rump had no mouth but that of their Speaker, which is not very big, but hath spoke a horrible deal of Treason in his days, Its Arms have extended through the whole three Nations, and at last whipped their own politic Breech, but I think it wants the propagating part ever since Noll Eunuched it, so that no Rump can be borne such, they must be framed by Art, and the receipt of their composition you will find in the following lines, copied from Sir Arthur Haslerig's own Manuscript, 
Hue out a Statue from Mount Caucasus,  
Big as the Colosse in the Isle of Rhodes;  
Then add a Brazen face, and Iron Hands,  
A poisonous Viper's heart, and Leathern Lungs,  
A Tongue of Bell-mettal, and an Ostrich-stomack  
To digest Iron, Let his Legs and feet,  
Be made of Quicksilver half fixed, and when  
His outward Members are by curious Art,  
Framed out in such dreadful Proportions.  
Then let the Furies in Hell's dark Alembeck,  
With damned Chemistry extract the spirits  
Of secret Treason, cursed Sacrilege,  
Black murder, and falsehearted Perjury,  
Pride, Hatred, Lust, and Swinish Luxury,  
Fraud, Drunkenness, Oppression, and the rest  
Of the black Progeny of Vice; and with  
The Quintessence of these, being sublimated  
Unto the height of wickedness, Inform  
The ugly Mass with a more ugly soul.  
And that the Monster may not want a name,  
Say he's a Rumper, and we'll say the same.   
FINIS.