nathan's Parable. SINS DISCOVERY, With its Filthy Secret Lurking in the breast of Men. OR, Some few Discoveries what the sinfulness of Sin is, and spoil it hath made on man, in nine particulars. With The Sad experience of it on the Author: written, if it may be, to warn all men, especially, the Saints, to take heed and to beware of Sin. WITH A Letter written to his Excellency the Lord General CROMWELL. By Edmund Chillenden. Lam. 3.1. I am the man that (have sinned, and for that) have seen affliction by the rod of his wrath. Heb. 4.12, 13. Take heed brethren lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God, lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of Sin. Printed at London, 1653 To all the Congregations of Saints walking in the faith and Order of the Gospel in England, Ireland and Scotland. Precious hearts, I Have a sad theme to present you with, it is of sin, and the sad effects it hath produced in the world, especially on man, and in particular on myself, so that I may say in the words of the Prophet, Lam. 5.16. The Crown is fallen from my head, woe unto me that I have sinned: for nothing but mischief hath attended me; yea destruction and ruin in all things that can be thought of here below: and were it not but that God who I have so offended had appeared to me indeed, as the Apostle saith, Eph. 2.4 Rich in mercy and in great love, infinite and beyond all expression, I had for ever perished, and been punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord and the glory of his power, Thess. 1.5. for I deserved no less, so that truly I have experienced that good saying of the Apostle, That where sin hath abounded, grace hath much more (yea exceeding much more) abounded, Rom. 5.20. Oh rich grace, rich grace, and great mercies, and loving kindness, they are passed finding out, they cannot be fathomed, they are high, they are deep, they are long, and they are broad, so that I cannot but stand and admire, what manner of love it is that he hath bestowed on me, 1 Joh. 2.1. I have therefore sent to you these few lines, that you may take heed and beware of sin, for it is a most deceitful, yea a most deadly cruel enemy, for it maketh such spoil on a man where it gets footing, that if mercy, yea rich mercy and love from God do not step in to help, it destroyeth soul and body, good name, relations, and all that is near and dear: therefore take heed and beware of sin, and take that good counsel of the Apostle, 1 Cor. 16.13. Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might, Eph. 6.10. for if you do not, sin will break in upon you, and make grievous spoil and havoc. For want of keeping this guard, it hath broken in on me, like an inundation of water, and yet I thought once my mountain was so set, and so strongly founded, that it was not possible it could be moved, Psal. 30.7. when I was in my Tranquillity, and the candle of the Lord shone upon my head, I said I would die in my nest, and multiply days as the sand, I would spread my root by the waters, I should flourish, Job 29.3, 18, 19, 20. all went well, I had attained to some good progress in the knowledge of God, and the practice of the things of God, and I was now safe, and my heart spoke a great deal of peace, but behold when I thus slept, the enemy sin came and stole in upon me, and I will tell you how. 1. First I grew a little cold and careless in the matters of God, in those cold, mad, and distempered years 1647. and 1648. and then sin took occasion, and by my base heart deceived me, presently runs and layeth hold on me, tempteth me, and draweth me away, Jon. 1.14, 15, compare Rom. 7.11. and so hath slain, wounded, and destroyed me. 2. After that I was thus enticed, my heart being by sin deceived, than I became its slave to serve it; and this will be the case of every one that sin layeth hold of. Now I must provide to lay always for the carrying of it close and secret; and here cometh vows, oaths, wishes, execrations, and all to save, cover, and hid this ugly companion sin. 3. Then sin will seem very fair, and smile on you, flatter your heart, and if he cometh once to be touched, to be discovered, and feareth he shall be dislodged, he now will come with the help of his firstborn the devil, and belay you on every side. First, on the right hand, and on the left, under pretence of good towards God, towards his ways, to thy self and relations. For so have I found it, that when I had some years since abandoned all the thoughts of any such thing; and in July 1650. had earnestly besought the Lord for his favour and peace for my former evils, and that he would now pardon and pass by my sin, and hid his face from my sin; the which he did, and spoke much peace to me, and did deliver my soul from the jaws of destruction; when death had surrounded me, I then did vow to the Lord to honour him and serve him all my days, but there was more snares beset me. For when in the year 1652. I was charged with evil by Master Thomas Halhead and his wife, now behold how sin beset me, and what allurements it laid before me, to hid it, keep it close and secret. 1. Saith my base heart, You are known to be a great professor of religion, and if you make it known, you are utterly lost in the hearts of all that are godly, for a brother offended is harder to be won, than a strong City, Prov. 18.19. you shall never be in their affections again. 2. The name of God will be much dishonoured, you must n t tell it in Gath, nor publish it in Askelon, lest the uncircumcised blaspheme: you need not do it, it is enough you have done it to God. 3. The ways of God that you profess, which every man (especially the Clergy, which are great enemies to it, and of you in particular) watcheth to have somewhat to speak against it, and dishonour it. 4. Your own honour, reputation and good name will utterly be lost and gone, which as the wise man saith, Eccl. 7.1. Is better than a precious ointment, better than gold and silver, Prov. 15.15. 5. You are now in a capacity to do the poor people of God some good, but that will utterly spoil you for ever. 6. You will lose your place, which is your livelihood. These and many more was my soul beset with; and I was taken captive, and so ensnared, consulting only with my base heart, that now I set myself with all my might to pursue these instructions, that sin, my base heart, the devil and the world had laid before me, but they all proved thorns in my sides, and pricks in my eyes, Num. 33.55. this covering was too narrow, it would not serve, Isa. 28.20. and so I have sadly found to the wounding of my soul, and by reason of sin, and made a sad spectacle to men. Oh than I pray precious souls beware of sin! Content not yourselves with the knowledge of God's ways, to make some outward porfession; that will not go through, that will not hold out to the end, and then you will not receive the crown. You will fall short of your desired haven of rest, the salvation of your souls, which is the end of your faith, 1 Pet. 1.9. Rev. 2.10. 2 Tim. 7.8. Therefore take our Saviour's counsel, Mat. 12.33. Make the tree good, look at home into your hearts, and Purge away all your dross purely, and throw away all your Tin, Isa. 1.25. for Saints after they come to be Saints, have much dross in them left, they had reed always be washing and purging, to cleanse their hearts, and to purify their inward parts, Jam. 4.8. Isa. 1.17. from an evil conscience, H●b. 10.22. and it from dead works, Heb. 9.14. and if you so do, than you shall know how to possess your vessels in sanctification and honour, 1 Thess. 4.4. and be meet sanctified to your master's use, prepared unto every good work, 2 Tim. 2.21. this heart-work, this home-work, is the business that I have wanted, and I have more wandered abroad, then kept at home: therefore in the first place sweep all clean at home before your own doors, set all things right there, or else you were even as good sit still and do nothing, therefore I pray begin there first. 2. Crush sin in the very beginnings of it, when it cometh but darting into thy thoughts, for they are evil continually, Gen. 6.5. suffer it not to abide, Jer. 4.14. give it no space, no not a minute, but withstand it, when it appears abstain from it, for there doth evil begin to appear and take place; therefore do you now avoid it by all means, with all seed, spare it not, 1 Thess. 5.22. for if once your thoughts give but a little harbour to its enticing, you are by it presently deceived and drawn aside; and sin being thus conceived, it bringeth forth. See our first parents, and in David, 2 Sam. 11.2. comp. Gen. 3.5. What sad work did sin make there, which if at first it had been narrowly looked into, had been prevented, and therefore Job, he will make a covenant with his eyes, Job 31.1. and David he would take heed to his ways that he offend not with his tongue, Psal. 29.12. He would keep the door of his lips, lest his heart should be inclined to any evil thing, to practise wicked works with them that work iniquity, Psal. 14.14. For the hearr is deceitful above all, and most desperately wicked, and who can know? therefore have a very great care there, and narrowly watch, Jer. 17.9. 3. Take heed of being deceived by the world, let not riches, honours, good name, reputation amongst men, lead ye to any evil, no not to tell the leastly, though you may gain a world by it, for God will not be mocked, Gal. 6.7. but all things that are done in secret he seethe, and there is nothing but he knoweth it, and will also bring it to light: for all things are naked and open to him that we have to do with, Heb. 4.13. and this I know by experience, for all the ways of darkness that I walked in, he did see, and all my deeds of darkeness he hath brought to light. And I tell you, the world with all its baits and allurements are very great snares to your holy, upright, and sincere walking with God, and they will if you be not ware steal in upon your hearts, swell and puff you up, so that you come to be surfited and overwhelmed with the cares thereof, and the thoughts of it pierces you thorough with many cruelties, 1 Tim. 6.10. for from that root springeth many sorrows and evils: how many have made a very fair and large progress toward heaven, but this snare hath hindered them and quite spoiled them? therefore dearly beloved have a care of this great snare the world; this was the last, therefore the greatest and strongest argument the devil used to Christ, Mat. 4.9. Mat. 19.20, 21. Mark 10.21, 22. Luk. 18.22. Mat. 12.21. Mat. 19.23. Luk. 21.34.36. also was one of my great snares. I will say little more to yoa, for I know you are already, very well taught, only know it is your duty of all other to walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, Eph. 5.15. that you are of all others to be holy, harmless, undefiled, to be separate from sin and sinners, for holiness becometh the house of God for ever, Psal. 93.4. For he hath taken you to be his people, and you have taken him to be your God, and your God he is holy, 2 Cor. 6.17, 18. 1 Pet. 1.15, 16. Levit. 11.4. & 19.2.20. You know God is not wanting to us, But hath given us all things appertaining to life and godliness, 2 Pet. 1.3. all means to help us forward in our journey towards heaven: he hath given his word, spirit, his holy and good ordinances, Nehem. 9.13, 20. Psal. 141.19, 20. & 68.11. and now if we be not wanting to ourselves, what is it not but we may do? But we must be doers as well as sayers and hearers, for there lieth all the happiness, blessed and happy, saith Christ, are you that know these things and do them. Therefore let us mind to do all the will of God: and this David he was resolved to do, I will have respect to all thy commandments, and then I am sure I shall not need to fear any shame, Psal. 119.6. he would as well be holy at home in his secret closet, as abroad in the public assembly, and if you do not keep a strict eye there, all will not, nay all cannot be well. O than I pray take these few things. 1. Be often with God by prayer in secret, keep your private watches with your God, Eph. 6.18. Phil. 3.6. Luk. 21.36. Mat. 6.5. Study the word of God, meditate on that, 1 Tim. 4.13. 2 Tim. 3.15, 16, 17. Psal. 1.2. & 119.97, 98, 99, 100 Eph. 4.29. 3. Avoid all profane or idle talk and discourse, as foolish jesting which is not seemly, but rather giving of thanks. 1 Cor. 9.27 2 Cor. 10.5 4. Watch over your inbred lust, and beat down and keep under your bodies, and labour to bring under subjection to the obedience of Christ every thought. 5. Forsake not, but be diligent to frequent the assembly of the Saints of God, Heb. 10.25. Act. 2.42. 6. Take it kindly and lovingly when the brethren tell or warn any one of you of your faults, let it be balm to your heads, Psal. 141.5. Prov. 9.8. but be sure if you do tell your brethren of their faults or sins, Levit. 19.17. Mat. 18.15, 16, 17, ●8. 1 Cor. 16.14. Jam. 5.19, 20. 1 Pet. 4.2.2. & 4.8. do it in love, debate and reason the case with thy neighbour, and deal with him as with thine own heart, plainly and sincerely, and by this means you will and may save a soul from death. And last of all, have fervent charity, for that is the bond of perfection, and all is worth nothing, where this business of love and charity is wanting, therefore Holy and beloved, as the Elect of God, put on (be you clothed with) bowels of love, mercy, and pity, for love will cover and hid a multitude of sins, and so let all your things be done in love, Col. 3.12. 1 Cor. 16.14. And now, The God of all grace, who hath called you into his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, Jam. 5.20. after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you. To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever, Amen, 1 Pet. 10.10. Yours, not worthy because of my sins to be reckoned amongst the godly, Edmund Chillenden. From my house in Coleman- street London, this this 29 of Nou. 1643. Numb. 32.23. But if you will not do so, ye have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out. Rom. 7.13. Sin is exceeding sinful. SIN is of itself an evil sickness, or disease, that hath crept into all mankind, since the fall, Rom. 5.18, 19 and it may very fitly be called, the evil of evils, for the devils by reason of sin, 2 Pet. 2.4. Job. 8.44. Judas 6. verse. fell (from being Angels of light, keeping not their first station, or habitation) to utter darkness, debarred of that light, liberty, and happiness, which they enjoyed, being by reason of it thrust down to hell; there being kept in everlasting chains under darkness of damnation, in that day he will judge the world, 2 Pet. 2.4. Judas 6. Sin filled them full of all deadly poison and malice, and so they became adversaries and enemies to God and his creatures men, Joh. 8.44. Gen. 3.1, 2. therefore he is called Satan, Job 1.6. Rev. 20.2. 1 Pet. 5.8. Zech. 3.1. 1 Thess. 2.18. Devil, Deut. 32.17. with 1 Pet. 5.8. for your adversary the Devil, as a rouring Lion walks about seeking whom he may devour; he is very malicious, full of envy, John 8.44. Mat. 4.1. he is called the Tempter, labouring to draw men to sin, endeavouring man's ruin and destruction, Mat. 4.3. A Serpent, and Dragon, Mat. 10.8. 1 Pet. 5.8. Eph. 6.12. Mat 4.3, 9 & 12.46. Rev. 12.19. he and all his Angels, full of malicious venom and envy, against God and his people, Mat. 10.1. Eph. 6.12. and all this sin hath done, for it made him a devil, and hath filled him full of all manner of wicked filthiness. Therefore sin is that deadly poison that contains, and from whence all other poisons flow and proceed. The Apostle Jam. 1.21. very fitly sets it forth, where he calleth it, filthiness, and superfluity of naughtiness (or abundance) of naughtiness; the very excrements, or dung of all other filthiness; the dregs of it, worse than all, fit for no use, stinking, and loathsome: it is sin, and out of measure sinful Sin, most abominable, detestable, and vile, to be abhorred. Now as it is thus in its own nature, vile and poisonous, so it causes men, that it getteth harbour in, to be filthy and poisonous, they thereby become unprofitable, useless, fit for nothing, Psal. 14.3. They are all gone aside, they are altogether become filthy, unprofitable, of no use, Job 15.16. saith, man is become abominable filthy (horrible loathsome) by reason of drinking in this poisonous sin, and iniquity like water, Eph. 4.18, 19 with Rom. 3.11. to 19 it hath so filled them with the poisonous venom, that the holy Ghost compares it to the 〈◊〉 of Asps, or Serpents; and men that are so poisoned, are called Serpents, Mat. 23.33. Ye Serpents, and generation of vipers, Psal. 58 4. speaking of wicked men, saith, They are estranged from their mother's womb, they go astray, as soon as they be born they speak lies, and they are of that venomous nature, that he saith, Their poison is the poison of a Serpent, Psal. 140.3. it is called vomit, that which is loathsome, Job 20.15. and men that swallow it down are called dogs, Prov. 26.11. 2 Pet. 2.22. Phil. 3.2. Psal. 22.16, 20. & 59, 6. & 68, 23. For dogs (saith the Prophet) have compassed me about, base and vile persons, filthy men, so made by sin; ravenously disposed wretches, Rev. 22.15. Mat. 7.6. it is called mire, and men are called Sows or Swine, 2 Pet. 2.23. for it is of that poisonous nature that it presently disperses itself all over the body, that it all bespots and besmears the creature; and as the Prophet Isaiah. 1.4, 5. The whole-heart is sick, the whole heart is faint, there is no part free, from the crown of the head to the sole of the foot, there is no soundness in it, but wounds, bruises, and putrifying sores. What shall or can be said more? it is called darkness, Joh. 1.5. & 3.15. 1 Joh. 1.4, 5, 6, & 2.9, 11. Blindness, Eph. 4.18. Shame, Jud. ●3. nakedness, Rev. 3.18. folly, Gen. 34.7. madness. Psal. 85.8. Act. 26.11. Luk. 6.7. whatsoever is filthy, naught, detestable, or vile, and painful, sin is the author and cause of. 1. It will appear to be out of measure sinful by the spoil it hath brought and made on man; What a breach did it make at the first on our first parents, Gen. 2.25. compared with Gen. 1.27. Eccles. 7.29. Gen. 5.1. who were created righteous, and good, Yea very good, Gen. 1.31. in the very Image or likeness of God, Eph. 4.24. Col. 3.10. and this made good David in Psal. 8.4, 5.6. say, He had made him little lower than the Angels, thou hast crowned him with honour and glory, and of the very creation and form of his body, he was a glorious creature, Psal. 139.14. I will praise thee, for I am wonderfully and fearfully made, curiously wrought of the earthly mould; in rare and admirable comeliness, beauty, and proportion, with all sufficient furniture; so clad with skin and flesh, and joined with bones and sinews, Job 10.11. that of all his creatures, man was his most glorious on the earth, for to him he subjected, all other creatures, and gave him the rule and dominion over the earth and sea, and all things therein, Gen. 1.28. for all the world was made for him, even the glorious Sun, Moon, and Stars, all for his use and service, Deut. 4.19. And as he was thus created and made, so he had singular wisdom, and endowments, Will, Understanding, and many faculties, all good, Gen. 1.21. he had Knowledge, Righteousness, and Holiness, for performance of all holy duties to his Creator, Gen. 1.27. Col. 3.10. Eccles. 7.29, 31. Eph. 4.24. But now cometh sin and devests and spoils all the glory of this admirable creature in his first and prime excellencies; as it said of Reuben, he was jacob's first born, his might, the beginning of his strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power, Deut. 21.17. all this by sin, excellent Reuben becometh weak as water, and should not excel, because he sinned in going up to his father's bed; so our first parents were by sin spoiled, for whereas they were glorious creatures, fit companions for God, with whom there was sweet fellowship and communion, Prov. 8.30. Job 17.5. Job 5.23. yet by it man becometh an enemy to God, Rom. 8.7. and is filled full of all villainy and wickedness, yea the very thoughts of his heart (Gen. 6 5.) are evil; and desperately wicked, Jer. 17.9. the mind is without the knowledge of God, the very consciences are defiled, Tit. 1.15. 1 Tim. 4.2. so that now they are become vile, filthy, and abominable beasts, having vile affections, being fraught with all unrighteousness, wickedness, maliciousness, wrath, envy, covetousness, inordinate lust, being empty and void of all that is good, but full of all poisonous evils, Psal. 81.11. Prov. 1.25, 30. Isa. 28.12. Rom. 1.2, 9 Mat. 12.44. Psal. 36.1. fit companions for none but the devil and his Angels, Mat. 25.41. Go ye cursed in 〈◊〉 everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for dogs, swine, and such like creatures, Rev. 22.15. for as sin made the Angel's devils, so it hath made men of the nature of devils, therefore our Saviour saith to the Jews, You are of your father the devil, whose children you are, Joh. 8.44. and he called Judas a devil, Joh. 6.70. have not I chosen twelve of you, and one of you is a devil? This havoc hath sin made. 2. Sin maketh a man a servant, yea a slave not only to it self, Rom. 6.20. servants of sin, but ver. 19 to uncleanness, unto iniquity, 'tis 3.3 to be foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. What a slave was Samson to his Dalilah, Judges 19.4, 15. How did he serve her? he was her very slave, he parted with his great and glorious strength, and excellency; he discovered to her his very heart, Judges 16.17. And it came to pass when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, that his soul was vexed unto death, and told her all his heart, which was his ruin. What is it that man will not do, to be a servant and slave to sin, to serve one base lust or other? what a slave was David to his Bathsheba? how did he travel to serve, and be a slave to his lust, that he might obtain it, and to carry it secretly? 2 Sam. 11.2. to 18. 3. Sin bringeth shame, Rom. 6.21. For it is a shame (saith the Apostle) to speak of those things that are done of them in secret, Eph. 5.12. but before sin came, man could look God in the face with boldness, and not be ashamed, Gen. 2.25. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed, but so soon as sin had taken hold on him, he seethe his nakedness, and so is ashamed. Exod. 22.25. the people commit a sin in worshipping the molten calf, Moses seethe their nakedness; for Aaron had had made them naked unto their shame amongst their enemies, Hos. 2.3. Rev. 3.17. & 16.15. this was the cause, that poor Laodicea was so poor, miserable, blind, and naked, because she had sinned, was lukewarm in the matters of God, neither hot nor cold, sin had so spoiled her, and made her miserable shameful. God he threatens Israel for their sins, Deut. 28.48. that they should serve their enemies in hunger, thirst, and nakedness to their shame, for indeed shame and confusion is the fruit of sin, Isa. 65.13. where such as were not sinful should rejoice, but sinners they should be ashamed, even all that trust in graven Images, they shall be turned back, they shall be greatly ashamed, Isa. 42.17. Dan. 9.7, 8, 9 A wound and dishonour, a shame, such as shall not be wiped away; such a reproach as will stick, for they do not know whither to cause their shame to go, 2 Sam. 13.13. compared Prov. 6.33. 4. Sin maketh man accursed, yea it hath caused a curse to come on all creatures, for they are all brought under bondage, curse and slavery, Gen. 3.17. Cursed is the ground for thy sake, thorns and thistles shall it bring forth; in the sweat of thy face shall thou eat bread, till thou return to the dust, Rom. 8.20. For the creature was made subject to vanity, and the whole creation groaneth and traveleth in pain until now. It is sin only that hath caused this, and where it is entertained, there is no blessing to be expected, but a cursing; for he that hideth, huggeth, and loveth sin, shall not prosper, Prov. ●8. 13. but he shall be cursed in his very blessings, Mal. 2.2. for God and sin is at mortal enmity, Rom. 8.7. To be carnally (sinfully) minded is death, for it is enmity against God, for it is not subject to the law of God, neither can it; for it will always be like the devil, opposing of God, and striving to be above, and therefore where this enemy sin is entertained, God most and will set his face against that man, Levit. 17.10, 20, 3. Ezek. 14.8. as his mortal enemy, that harbours so arch a rebel to his crown and dignity as sin is, for God hateth it, loathes it, and cannot endure it, Rev. 2.25. He there speaking to the Church of Pergamos, though he did love her, and commended her for many good things that were found in her, but her sins he could not endure, and saith, Thou hast them that hold the Doctrine of the Nicolaitans, which thing I hate; his Soul did abhor such a people, Deut. 32.19. Levit. 26.30. Psal. 78.59. He was wrath and greatly abhorred Israel, for they had provoked him to anger with their high places, and moved him to jealousy with their graven Images: therefore he was wrath, and greatly abhorred Israel, that were before his beloved people under blessings and mercies, but their sins brought all these curses on them, as may appear by these Scriptures, Deut. 11.26, 28. & 29, 19, 30.1. Joshua 6.18. Deut. 28.15. & 29, 20, 21, 27. 2 Chron. 34 24. Heb 6.8. Deut. 27.15. to 26. The curse of the Lord is in the house of the wicked, Pro. 3.33. and nothing shall prosper he undertaketh, Psal. 1.4, 6. & 35.5. Prov. 11.7. the very hope of the unjust man perisheth, Hos. 13.3. and this is the state of a sinner, that while sin rules and reigns in their mortal bodies, they do nothing else but delight in the cursed works of darkeness, which they are ashamed to bring to light, that let him turn which way he will, still curses and plagues attend him, Deut. 27.15. to 26. it makes a man a horror and an abomination, or hated of his neighbour, Prov. 29.27. compared Prov. 14.17. A man of wicked devices is hated, 2 Sam. 13.22. for Absolom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar, he had wrought a wicked device, and therefore was abhorred by him. 5. Sin it robs and spoileth a man of God, Isa. 59.2. Your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you. This people in the 58 Chapter had been a fasting and humbling their souls, Isa. 58.3. and they ask a reason why God was not found of them, and that he did not answer them, they expostulate the case with God: Wherefore have we afflicted our souls, and thou takest no knowledge? wherefare have we fasted, and thou seest not? God giveth them the reason in the fourth verse, it was their sins and their iniquities that had rob and deprived them of the good things that they might have enjoyed, so saith the Lord by the Prophet, Jer. 5.25. Your iniquities have turned away (put by, rob, deprived you of) these things, and your sins have withholden (by force and violence, as a company of robbers do) good things from you; for behold you fast for strife and debate, to smite with the fist of wickedness, to add drunkenness to thirst, Deut. 29.19. it was to feed, support, and to make provision for sin, to spend it on their lust, therefore they asked and did not receive, because they asked amiss, Jam. 4.3. it was to take care for the Arch-rebel and traitorous enemy to God, and while sin is nigh and is nourished, succoured and harboured, God he will be far off, for God is far from the wicked and ungodly sinners, Eph. 2.12, 13. who are said to be without God in the world, far off, being enemies, aliens, or strangers to God, and by sins made to be at enmity in their minds by wicked works, Col. 1.21. quite rob and spoiled of God and all that was Godlike, and filled full of all deadly poison; so that his heart is so swollen with it, that he saith there is no god, Psal. 14.1. He is not once in all their thoughts, Psal. 10.4. but abound in all villainy and mischiefs, Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity, backbiters, haters of good, without understanding, Rom. 1.29, 30, 31. compared with Gal. 5.21. Tit. 3.3. Eph. 2.2, 3. So that we may see by this what spoil sin hath made, quite rob and spoiled us of God; what spoil did it make on our parents, as is partly before minded? How did the Lord rejoice in the works be had made, Gen. 1.31. compare vers. 4. both with Psal. 104.31. & Prov. 8.31. seeing the order, comeliness, and beauty that was in all his works, they were good, agreeable to his will, they pleased him, 1 Tim. 4.4. for every creature of God is good, pleasant, sweet, profitable, causing joy, Song 1.2. & 4.10. Deut. 6.11. 1 Sam. 9.2. Gen. 24.16. compare Mark. 9.42. & Luk. 17.2. And the Lord did rejoice in the habitable part of his earth, Prov. 8.31. great peace was between God and man, yea and all the creatures, all the works that God had made, they did praise him, and gave him honour, Psal. 45.10. When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy, Psal. 148.3. Job 1.6. there was no division or variance, no hateful spirits against God or man to work or do him any mischief; no death or diseases, no fear of guilt to torment and afflict the soul of man, nor any noisome poisonous lust to rebel in their bodies. But now cometh sin and robs us of all this, and fills the whole creation with mischief, strife, and debate, layeth or turneth the whole world into, or in wickedness, 1 Joh. 5.19. 6. Sin causeth sorrow in God, and it grieveth his spirit, Gen. 6.3, 5. The wickedness of man was great in the earth, and the very imaginations of the thoughts of his heart were wholly evil, every, or all the day, that they carefully minded their hearts for evil always, therefore It repent God that he had made man, and it grieved him at the very heart. To see that man, that he had made so goodly and comely a creature, created him after his own Image, or likeness, Gen. 1.27. & 15.1. should so sin against him, and provoke him, not only at the first in Eden's garden, for which he might for ever have left them in misery, and utterly have cast them off, Psal. 75.3. was pleased now in the midst of Judgement, to remember mercy, Hab. 3.2. and to provide a Saviour for them, and to lay their help upon one that was mighty, Psal. 89.19. Yea then when they were all turned aside, and gone out of the way, Psal. 14.2, 3, 4. compare Isa. 59.15, 16, 17. & 63.5. He then looked down from heaven, to see if any understood God, if there were any judgement, but he saw no intercessor; there was none to uphold, therefore his own arm of righteousness that upheld, and wrought salvation, and put all things in a right and orderly frame, bringing us back to Christ, the Shepherd and keeper of our souls, 1 Pet. 2.25. this now doth grieve God, that after so much love and mercy, man that he had so done by, taken so much pains withal, that had spared no cost, no not his own Son, Rom. 8 32. but gave him to die, and shed his blood to redeem them from their vain conversations they had received from the tradition of their fathers, Gen. 3.15 compare 1 Pet. 1.18, 19 and all, that man might become obedient and subject to God to do his will as he hath commanded us, 1 joh. 3.23. To this end he gave them his word and oracles, Psal. 147.19, 20. Psal. 2.7. Exo. 21.1. Rom. 9.4, 5. to instruct them how they should walk towards him, In all well-pleasingness, Heb. 13.21. he gave them right judgements and true Laws, good Statutes and Commandments, he had so great a desire after their good, that he himself cometh down upon the mount, and speaks to them from heaven, Nehe. 9.13. Psal. 68.11. Nevertheless such prevalency had sin in them, That they disobyed him, and rebelled against him, and cast all his good Laws behind their backs, 1 King. 9.10. hated God, and to be reform, Psal. 50.17. Ezek. 23.35. show his prophets, that testified against them to return, wrought great provocation, Neh. 9.26. Jer. 32.31, 32. compare 1 Kings 23.26. though he gave them his good spirit to instruct them, guide and lead them, Gen. 6.3. compare Nehem. 9.20. Num. 11.17. in the good, old, and holy way, wherein they should find rest for their souls, wooing and contending with them, disputing and convincing them, by the mouths of his Prophets and servants, in and by the word of his grace; also by inward motions, and checks of conscience; Yet nothing would do, for the strong man kept the house, sin had got possession, Luk. 11.21, 22. Mat. 12.29. Mark 3.37. that they rebelled against him, and vexed his holy spirit, therefore he was turned to be their enemy, and fought against them, Exod. 15.24. Numb. 14.11. Acts 7.15. Job 30.21. Jer. 30.14. Judges 14.15. compare Eph. 4.29, 30. & 5.11, 12. 7. Sin hinders and clogs prayer, though they be never so long, and be uttered never so loud, they go not upward toward heaven, they ascend not, but do remain here below, they are rejected of God, as Cain's sacrifice was, Gen. 4.3, 4, 5. he will not hear in heaven; for he is deaf, and his ear is by sin made heavy, Isa. 59.1. compare Prov. 1.28, 29, 30, 31. though they call upon him, he will not hear them, though they seek him early, yet they shall not find him; and the reason is rendered, For they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the Lord, they would none of his council, they despised all his reproofs, Psal. 81.11, 12. therefore it shall and will be ill with them that are wicked, for the reward of their hands shall be given unto them, Isa. 3.11. This David knew very well, Psal. 66.18. If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me, as if the Prophet should have said, If I regard, hug, and make much of my sin, delight and take pleasure in it, God will not regard me, saith he. This the jews, as wicked as they were, knew well enough, joh. 9.31. Now we know God heareth not sinners, but if any man be a worshipper of God and do his will, him be heareth, Jam. 5.15, 16. 1 Joh. 5.14. the prayer of the wicked is sin, his sacrifice is a great abomination to the Lord; he cannot endure it, he loathes both it and them, Prov. 15.8, 29. with Prov. 21.27. How much more when he bringeth it with an evil, wicked sinful mind, being alienated and made strangers from God in their minds, by wicked and sinful works, Eph. 2.12. Col. 1.21. Tit. 3.3. for what hope hath the hypocrite? will the Lord hear his cry? Job. 27.8, 9 No, he is far from the wicked, Prov. 15.29. When they spread forth their hands, God he will not hear them, he will hid his eyes from them, and when they make many prayers, God will not have regard, their hands are full of blood, Isa. 1.15. therefore he loatheth their new Moons and their Sabbaths, their solemn assemblies; his soul hated them, they were a trouble to him, he was weary of bearing them, Isa. 66.3. This the Church crieth out of, and sadly bewaileth, Lam. 4.44. that because of her sins, God he hod covered himself with a cloud, that her prayers should not pass thorough. O what a loss is the poor Church in now! God he hath hid his face, and she is much troubled, Psal. 30.7. Whereas she was wont by prayer to ride and soar aloft; they were her Chariots and horses, by which she pierced the heavens, and went with boldness to the throne of grace, Heb. 4.16. and received blessings from thence both spiritual and temporal, but now she is debarred all by sin; that puts a stop to every good thing, 2 Pet. 1.4. 1 Tim. 4.8. & 6.6. Jer. 5.25. 8. It breaks the peace and blessed communion of the Church of God. The Churches of Christ are a holy people called out of the world by the good word of his grace, they being begotten again, purged and cleansed from all uncleanness and unholiness, made pure by the washing of water by the word, Eph. 5.26, 27. of his own will, Jam. 1.18. not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible by the word of God, 1 Pet. 1.23. called to be Saints, 1 Cor. 1.2. to walk together in a holy communion amongst themselves, for the worship and service of God, and they are called A spiritual house, a holy priesthood to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ, 1 Pet. 2.5. and therefore are called a holy nation, a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a peculiar people, that they should show forth the praises of him who hath called them out of darkness into his marvellous light, 1 Pet. 2.8. and they may not suffer any unclean or unholy person to come in and be of fellowship with them, Isa. 52.11. Rev. 21.27. 2 Cor. 6.17. for all that are to draw near to God, and bear his vessel, are to be clean and holy, for holiness becomes his house for ever, Psal. 93.5. for his way is holy, and the polluted sinners may not enter into it, they will defile his Sanctuary and holy things, Isa. 35.8. compare Numb. 19.20, 22. Ezek. 28.22. for sin is a contagious leprosy, that will presently diffuse itself through the whole body, as the Apostle saith, A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump, 1 Cor. 5.6, 7. therefore when sin doth appear, they are presently to labour to purge themselves of it according to the rule and command of jesus Christ, that they may be a holy lump; and this must be done in love, with all meekness and lowliness of spirit, Gal. 6.1, 2. with all faithfulness, without any partiality, favour, or affection, but where sin is, there tell the sinner plainly of it, Levit. 19.17. that so they may come to see their sins, and bring their sacrifice, that by repentance and forsaking they may find mercy and so prosper, Levit. 4.23.28. the Church being careful of this, they walk sweetly, and there is a very comely order amongst them, they are, Song. 6.4, comely as Jerusalem, Psal. 4.1, 2, 3. Fair in situation, the joy of the whole earth, the City of the great King. Now sin hath in the night crept in, and there having got footing, hath and doth mar all this glory, and utterly dissipates all the peace and loveliness which was once theirs, what by false teachers who do arise in and amongst the Churches, speaking perverse things, Act. 20.30. bringing in damnable errors, even denying the Lord that bought them, 2 Pet. 2.1. 1 Tim. 4.1. and also often times the frailties of the Saints defiles their bodies and souls, by reason of sin, This my sin hath caused. that the enemies without take occasion to blaspheme, and the brethren within are often scandalised and grieved: The Churches in the Apostles days had woeful experience of the sad work and spoil sin did make amongst them; look on Corinth how they were infested, and Galatia, Philippi, that they were removed to another Gospel; see in the seven Churches of Asia, Rev. 2.3. chap. and there you shall find sin eating out the very heart and life of God amongst the Churches, for amongst them were bitter envyings, strife, and reproach; that as the Prophet saith, Every man hunted his brother with a net, Philip. 1.15.16. 1 Cor. 1.11.12.13. Mich. 7.1.2. those that were their guides they became vain talkers, and deceivers of the minds of the simple, even to the subverting of whole houses, Tit. 2.10.11. teaching things which they ought not for filthy lucre sake, so that nothing but rottenness and putrefaction did appear, Isay 1.2.3.4.5. the grace of God turned into wantonness, the holy liberty of the Gospel made a cloak of maliciousness, jude 4. 1 Pet. 2.16. and all manner of filthiness, so that iniquity was established amongst them by a Law, Rev. 2.4.5.14.15.20.21.22.23. Rev. 3.15. to 20. Psalm 94.20. and so come to have their faces made harder than a stone, jer. 5.3. hated, to be rebuked and reform, Psalm 50.16.17. and admit of no reproof, but harden their necks against it, Pro. 29.1. Now the godly, whose hearts are upright, and who have kept their garments clean, and have not been led aside to run in their pernicious ways, 2 Pet. 2.2. that have not known the depths of Satan, they cannot endure such things, but must testify and bear their witness against them, and avoid them, having no fellowship with the works of darkness, but to reprove them, † But still according to rule in love and pity, Mat. 18.16.17.18. 1 Cor. 16.14. Ephes. 5.11. Rev. 2.24. and now by this means the peace, quiet, and sweet Communion of the Church cometh to be broken, † This my sin also hath caused. for there cannot be any fellowship with light and darkness, Christ and Belial, the believer and the Infidel, or unbeliever, 2 Cor. 6.15. Sin wounds the heart, soul, and conscience, it makes great spoil there, 2 Sam. 24.10. David he had committed sin in numbering the people, and as soon as he had done, his soul was wounded, his heart smote him, and he crieth out, Lord I have sinned greatly in this that I have done, for I have done very foolishly, 1 Chro. 21.9. That upon this there cometh a great cloud, and dismal darkness is drawn over the soul, Psalm 38.6. great trouble bowing down and crushing, that so all the day long there is nothing but sadness, and gloominess, heaviness, and mourning, Psalm 35.14. bowing down heavily: Now the arrows of the Almighty take hold, and they stick fast, Job 6.4. the terrors of God do now set themselves in array, and drink up the very spirit, and make it like a parched and dried Heath, and the face of God now cometh to be withdrawn, and he hides his loving kindness, Psalm 88.14. compared with Jer. 16.5. that maketh them cry out, Lord where are thy loving kindnesses, Psalms 89.49. the horror of the Lords wrath possesses them, and is as fire in their bones that consumes them, that they have no rest, for their iniquities do daily go over their heads, Psalms 38: 4. they are heavier than they are able to bear, the curses of the Law they now begin to terrify, Dan. 9.11. because of transgression, and not obeying his voice, now they cry for grief of heart, their soul is sad; we look for Judgement, yea for Salvation, but it is far from us, because our sins are many, and our transgressions are without number, Psalm 32.4, Isay 59.11.12. so we become a burden to our selves, and we speak in the anguish of our spirit, Job 7.11. and complain in the bitterness of our souls; left comfortless, desolate, and cast down, our salvation passed away, and clean gone, Job 30.15.16. the days of affliction have ceased and taken hold on us, we become a reproach to the wicked and ungodly, because of our wickedness they laugh and blaspheme; the Devil he triumphs and doth insult, 2 Sam. 12.14. Rev. 18.10. ceases not to accuse us night and day before God in heaven; our former acquaintance, our familiar friends, yea our natural kindred, and our brethren, they withdraw, and are ashamed of us; this spoil doth sin make on a soul, Psalm 38.11. I have here said somewhat of sin, and the spoil it maketh, and hath made on man, yet not the hundredth part that might be said, I shall now show you what spoil it hath made on myself. For what hath been said, sin hath wrath in me, and much more, for as the Apostle saith, I have been carnal, and sold under sin, Rom. 7.14. that as the wise man saith, In the days of my vanity I have not withheld the desire of mine eyes, nor my heart from any joy, Eccles. 2.10. And I have been compassed about with the iniquities of my heels, Psalms 49.5. For in me, that is in my flesh, there dwelleth no good thing, Rom. 7.18. O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death. I bless God I can say with our good Apostle, ver. 25. I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord, that by him, and through the riches of God's love, I had gotten in some measure the victory of the sins of my youth, Ephes. 2.4.5. Rom. 8.37. Psalm 25.7. and with all my might endeavoured after the ways of God, but happily I looked in the first place too soon to the outward holiness, and like Jehu, pursued it very eagerly, so that in my heart I said, Come see my zeal; for God, for Christ, his ways and people, 2 Kings 10.16. and had not quite mortified those inbred lusts and evil concupiscence, which sin had wrought in me, Rom. 8. according to the Apostles counsel, Col. 3.5. I should have then known how to have possessed my vessel in sanctification and honour, but because of this the Lord hath been pleased to write many bitter things against me, and hath made me to possess the iniquities of my youth, Job. 13.26. to lie down in shame, and confusion to cover me, because I have sinned against the Lord, Jer. 3.25. the dregs of the old man were still alive, and not put off, there was the remainder of sin kept and spared, which have been like as the Philistines were to Israel, pricks in my eyes, and thorns in my side, to be a continual plague to me, Numb. 33.55. 1 Sam. 15.19.20. which if the old man, concerning my former conversation, which was corrupt, according to the deceitful lust, Ephes. 4.22. had been quite subdued, and all destroyed, they had not now scourged me like the pricking brier, and grieving thorn, Ezec. 28.24. compared with Josh. 23.13. There were spots that were left in my garments, which wanted washing out, which some labour would have soon dispatched; but they being but spots they were not minded, and my false heart flattering me all was well, so long as it was secret and unknown, though with my heart I uttered perverse things; Pro. 23.33. I was stricken, and yet not sick, they beat me, and I felt it not, I lay very secure in the midst of my great danger, and have been drawn away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, and yet it hath spoken peace to me, as to its neighbour, but it brought forth mischief, Psalm 48.3. For as with a dart it hath stricken me through the liver, casting me down wounded, and have been slain, Prov. 7.23.26. and knew not that it was for my life, by which I have gotten a wound and a dishonour, yea a reproach that cannot be wiped away, Pro. 6.33. knowing not whither to cause my shame to go, for I have been as one of the fools in Israel, 2 Sam. 13.13. Thus sin compassed me about, and got my feet entangled in its net; after I was thus wounded, and cast down, than I did endeavour to get out of the jaws of death, and to ascend from the chambers of the dead, that I might take hold on the paths of life, Pro. 2.18.19. and to this I made some good progress, and set myself to the work in good earnest, and some years since, abandoned the thoughts of any such wickedness, and did reform some things that were amiss, as to a more close walking with God, in public and private, in the Congregation and in my family, where I had been a little, yea too too much remiss and careless, I laboured to make my peace within, for the terrors of the Lord had taken hold on me, Job 6.4. and had set themselves in array against me, and the arrows of the Almighty stuck fast in me, the wrathful fire from above was within me, I could have no rest, Psalm 38.2.3.4. for when I said I would forget my complaint, I would leave off my heaviness, and comfort myself, I knew that the Lord would not hold me innocent, and I was afraid of all my sorrows, Job 9.27.28. compared with Exod. 34.7. Exod. 20.5. for he would, I was sure, visit for all my sins and iniquities, to the third and fourth generation of them that did hate him. The consideration of this made me in secret weep bitterly, and I poured out my complaint to the Lord, John 242.2. I laid before him my trouble, my spirit was overwhelmed within me, I could not tell what to do, I was now to look death in the face; the Sword now might put an end to my days; Scotland July 1650. I looked on my right hand and beheld, but refuge failed me, and my hope was as the giving up the Ghost, Psalm 142.4. compared with Joh. 11.20. and then I cried unto the Lord, I poured out my soul before him, I confessed my sins in his sight, and acknowledge I had done evil, and desired he would purge me, and cleanse me from mine iniquities throughly, and make me to hear joy and gladness; and that he would hid his face from my sins, Psalms 51.23.7.8.9. and deliver me, and not to take me away in his wrath, Psalm 16.1. but to be merciful to me, and heal my soul, for I had sinned against him, 2 Chro. 30.20. Psalm 41.5. and the Lord heard the voice of my supplication, and gave me my hearts desire; he delivered me and saved me, Psalm 6.8. and healed the bones that were broken, and gave peace to the troubled spirit, Psalms 30.2. and upon this it came into my heart what I should now do for God, and that saying of that good man Daniel came to my remembrance, Dan. 42. Wherefore O King let my counsel be acceptable unto thee, and break off thy sins by righteousness, and thy iniquities by showing mercy to the poor, if it may be a lengthening to thy tranquillity: This Scripture did (I confess) much affect my heart, and I did vow to the Lord solemnly, I would lay out myself for his glory, obey every truth, and break off every yoke: For the former, the seeking God's glory, and obeying every truth in pursuance of my vow, I appeal to the Saints and faithful brethren that are in that Troop that was not long since mine, and to all the Congregations where I have been conversant, and in particular to the Congregation that now meeteth in Stone-chappel in Paul's London, where my most constant residency hath been. Yet for all this there were some of the Idols in the high places left standing still, 2 Chro. 33.17. untaken away, which I should have been as careful to have lain aside, and have broken off from, as any else, and have known this to have been my duty, to have Ephes. 4.31. Col. 3.8. had a grave, sober, and an humble carriage in the things of the Gospel, that thereby I might have adorned the Gospel of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ in all things, Tit. 2.10. and thus my spots continued, when I thought I had washed myself clean, as with snow water, and had made my hands very clean, now the Lord * Suffered me to fall thus, that I might make a clear and thorough work, and wash and make all clean, to do away the small spot as well as the great. he took me and threw me into the ditch, and my own they abhorred me, Job 9.30.31. and my spot hath not been the spot of his sons or people; but of one that hath been perverse, Deut. 32.5. consulting only with my own heart, which as the Prophets saith, Is desperately wicked, and who can know it, Jer. 17.9. it being some years past: Thus was my soul deceived, and my heart did plead and hug me with peace; and like Lot, I thought in myself that to deny it, being so long since, it was but a little one, Gen. 19.20. but this now I have found, that on no one sin goeth alone, but may well be called as that evil Spirit was which our Saviour cast out of that man, who said, being asked, his name was Legion, because many devils, Mark 5.9.15. Luke 8, 30. so I may say of this my sin, it was Legion, that is, it was a sin that brought many sins with it; for after I had once denied it, than I was fast bound and engaged to stand to, and confirm my denial, that it was true. Now do but see how foolish and vain a thing it is, to forsake our own mercies, and to choose lying vanities, Jonah 2.8. to speak wickedly for God, or to talk deceitfully for him, Job 13.7. as if the truth of God, the glory and honour of his name, and ways, stood in need of my lie, so to sin that grace might abound, that good might come thereof, Rom. 3.7.8. this now hath been my sin, and this hath been my iniquity, in denying truth, and speaking falsely, not sparing horrible wishes, bitter curse and execrations on myself, nor any means for the confirmation of what I had affirmed, (for which the Congregation did deal with me) though I did manifest by a large Declaration my sorrow, true and hearty repentance, and that with tears; but the case was in their judgements difficult, (because I had so greatly sinned) whether my repentance was true or no; (which I say was) so that after a large debate, they were pleased by the greater number to declare me excluded; that truly I stand and tremble with the very thoughts of it, that God should spare, and should exercise any forbearance toward me, but might, and I admire at his grace, he did not strike me dead, or show some visible judgement on me, to make me an example. But here is the great riches of his grace to be admired, that where sin hath abounded (yea superabounded) there grace hath much more abounded, Rom. 5.20, 21. that he did give me grace and time for repentance, yea hath also given repentance itself, and blessed, and for ever blessed be his great name, though I must say with the Prophet, Lam 3.1. I am the man that have seen affliction, by the rod of his wrath, he hath builded against me, and compassed me with gall and gravel, Lam. 3.4. his loving kindness that could not prevail with me, to break off my iniquities, therefore his correcting hand, that hath taught me, though it hath been very sore, yet I can say with the Prophet, Jeremiah 30.11. it hath been in measure, he hath not always chid, neither hath he kept his anger, he hath not dealt with me after my sins, neither rewarded me according to my iniquities, Psal. 9.10. for he is and hath been to my soul exceeding plenteous in mercy. But this (friends) sin hath done to me, and brought upon me; 1. A stain and a blot, Prov. 6.33. and whither to cause my shame to go, I know not, 2 Sam. 13.13. 2. It hath caused my familiars and my friends, my companions with whom I have taken sweet counsel together, and walked into the house of God in company, to reproach me, Psal. 55.12. 3. It hath put my brethren far from me, and my acquaintance are verily estranged from me; my kinsfolk have failed, and my familiar friends have forgotten me, Job 19.13, 14. 4. It hath buried me in my good name, which is better than precious ointment, Eccles. 7.1. and rather to be chosen then great riches, Pro. 22.1. what is it that it hath not brought upon me? all manner of mischief, that as I have said, sin is the mother, yea the father also of all mischief and evil, that I may truly say, that sin is exceeding, or out of measure sinful. And now I do testify to all the world, that thorough grace, and of the rich love of God, Christ hath turned and cast his gracious looks upon me, and darted his blessed rays into my heart, as hath wrought unfeigned sorrow and true repentance for my sins never to be repent of, Lu. 22.61. for that sorrow which is after a godly manner, worketh repentance to salvation not to be repent of, 2 Cor. 7.9, 10. and this I manifested to the Saints and faithful Brethren of the Congregation meeting in Stone chapel Paul's London with many tears: Novemb. 6. 1653. and I do by this crave pardon of all men that I have any ways by lying lips in this matter abused, and do pray all the Saints and faithful brethren of all the Congregations in the world, that I have any ways offended, to forgive me, as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven them, Eph. 4.32. And now what shall I say, my grief is sore, and my calamity great, I would it were by the godly wise throughly weighed, and that they were laid in the balance together, job 6.2. I am persuaded they would say, that in this age there hath not appeared any sorrow like my sorrow, wherewith the Lord hath afflicted me in this his day of fierce anger, Lamen. 1.12. for it is to me so sad and heavy, that truly I could wish, and oh that I might have my request, that God would grant the thing that I long for, even that it would please God to destroy me, that he would let lose his hand and cut me off, job 6.8.9. for I confess I am not worthy to be reckoned amongst them that are living, but far better it would be for me to be where I should be quiet, sleep, and be at rest, job 3.13. and be no longer such a burden to myself, job 7.20. It is true I have sinned against the Lord, who is the preserver of men, and for that he hath made me to my neighbours a reproach, Psalm 34.13. & 74.4. yea it is so, as there was never any like it, that I, who not many months since had the candle of the Lord shining on my head, and my steps were washed with butter, and the rock poured out rivers of oil, job 29.23.6. that had my hands strengthened to do the young men, yea the aged some right, and break the jaws of some wicked men, and deliver some poor souls from their spoils, that was able in some small measure to help the poor and needy, job 29.8.17. and send them away with a blessing; But now what is befallen me, shame and contempt, † Mark it, and take heed of sin, beware of sin. and they that are younger than myself, they have me in derision; I am their song and their byword, job 30.1.9.10. they abhor me, and spare not to spit in my face; What is there, or can there be in this life a greater affliction than this, that my very enemies should have their desire on me, that before stood in fear of me, should now boast themselves and triumph, this hath befallen the man that was so righteous; now the hand and judgement of God is against him for his actings against the King, and his Party; others they cry out, and rejoice, and say, this is he that was so much against the Clergy, and they belch out their blasphemy now against the ways of God, the young children they despise me, all my familiar friends and my old acquaintance are verily estranged from me, Job 19.13.14.18. they whom with all my heart I loved, are turned against me, though I have filled their bellies, and have clothed their backs, have fed at my table, for whom I have been willing to spare no pains, but to lay out myself to do them good, that they and theirs might receive refreshment and comfort, these, O these! are turned against me, and reproach me bitterly, * See what sin doth bring to men. so that my affliction is such as it cannot be imagined, it is that cannot by any mortal be born, Psalm 55.12. all indeed that have had any esteem of me despise me, Lament. 1.8. because I have sinned grievously; and yet this is nothing, and not considered, no not by some of my mother's children, for they are angry with me, and have put off all bowels of pity, Cant. 1.6. they have forsaken me as a brook, and as the stream of brooks they have passed away, Job 6.15. for they bind the yoke of my iniquities fast on me with their hands till my strength faileth me, and will not ease me, though it be but with the touch of one of their fingers, Mat. 23.4. Luk. 11.46. as if no pity were to be shown to him that is afflicted, joh 6.14. for in the house of my friends I have been wounded, Zech. 13.6. no love, patience; longsufferance, or forbearance, no brotherly kindness, or gentleness thought on, I acknowledge it the just judgement of God against me, thus to punish me for my sins by my dear friends, who truly I do think did it out of zeal to God, and detestation against my sin, by which I had much abused them; yet I think there was some slip and weakness in their proceeding against me, but I do hearty forgive them. that so by meekness I might be taught and recovered out of the snare of the devil, 2 Tim. 2.25.29. Gal. 6.12. so that I may say, where was the sounding of bowels, where was mercy, it was restrained from me, Isay 63.15. O Lord, I am oppressed, undertake for me, Isay 28.14. for thou hast spoken once, yea twice, yet I perceived not, job 33.14. but, now thou hast spoken terribly, and hast broken all my bones; thou hast cut me down like the grass, thou hast blown me away as chaff before the wind, Psalms 1.4. so that I have known what and how fearful a thing it is to fall into the hand of God, and for him to enter into judgement with man, Heb. 10.30.31. yet he hath not retained his anger, nor continued chiding, but hath in the midst of wrath remembered mercy, Psalm 103.8.9.10. Mica. 7.18. Heb. 3.10. for with him is mercy and plenteous redemption; therefore let none rejoice that I have fallen, I shall arise, yea the Lord hath raised me up, Mica. 7.8. and lifted up the light of his countenance upon me, having cheered the bones that were broken, and made me hear joy and gladness, Psalm 4.6. & 51.8. he having fulfilled his promise, not to suffer me to be tempted above what I was able, but hath made a way to escape, 1 Cor. 10.13. for the snare is broken, and my soul is escaped, my help is in the name of the Lord, Psalm 124.6.7. And now what shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits towards me, I will take the cup of salvation and call upon his name, I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people, Psalm 116.12.13.14. and I and my house will serve the Lord, Nehe. 24.15. truly and sincerely in righteousness and true holiness all the days of my poor pilgrimage, Luk. 1.17. keeping under my body, and bringing it under subjection, mortifying all corruptions that are in my members that are upon the earth, Col. 35. 1 Cor. 9.27. laying aside every weight, and those sins that do so easily beset me, and run with patience the race that is set before me, Heb. 12.1. cleansing myself from all filthiness of the flesh, as well as spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of the Lord, 2 Cor. 7.1. and this I will do (through his grace) for the Gospel sake, that if it be possible by all or any means, I may bring glory to God, and honour, and adorn the Gospel of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ in all things, Tit. 2.10. And I will arm myself to bear the reproaches of my mother's children in the house of my friends, Cant. 1.6. compared with Zech. 13.7. and all the scoffings of the michal's and ismael's, Gen. 21.4. 1 Chro. 15.29. and if any Shemeiss shall now curse me, I will say, let him alone, for the Lord hath bidden him, 2 Sam. 16.11. and the Lord I know will requite me good for their evil; and I will conclude with that saying, Mica. 7.9. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against him. FINIS. May it please your Excellency; I Confess myself very much unworthy thus to trouble you, but a necessity lieth upon me, that I may now at last discharge a good conscience, and be plain with God, my own heart, and your Excellency, that with the same mouth and lips by which I have lied and abused your ears, and with the same hand and pen acknowledge that I have dealt falsely and wickedly with your Excellency, and the rest of your Officers, with whom I have had any thing to do about my business, especially with those Officers that were appointed by your Excellency to examine my business, I do hereby declare to my great shame, and acknowledge, that I did deal very falsely, hypocritically and wickedly, and all the means that possible my own base wicked heart could devise, I made use of, to cover and hid my sins; I did not refrain from lies, vows, protestations, wishes, and execrations on myself; also labouring by all the art I could to draw others into the same sin with me, not sparing the poor Church of God, amongst whom I walked, to the great reproach and blasphemy of the good name of God they profess; but the party whom it principally concerned, I did frame words, and contrive matter, what should be said, and how the business should go, so that truly I confess my sin in that hath been very great; I do acknowledge, and I do bless God for his good grace to me, that after all my hardness and impenitency of heart, that he stirred up some of my brethren to deal with me, bringing me to a sight of my great evils, and thereby also to great repentance, for God hath spoken peace, and remembered mercy, for the which I do bless him, and shall all the days of my life, love, honour and obey him, by a holy, humble and righteous walking with him in the ways of the Gospel; and now I do humbly beg at your Excellency's hands, and all other your godly Officers hands pardon and forgiveness, as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you: And my Lord, I have too too sadly experienced your Excellency's words to me, or rather the Apostles, that God will not be mocked, Numb 32.23. Gal. 6.5. but will make our sins find us out; and truly I have found it true to purpose, though I knew it before, but sin deceived me, the world had possessed my heart, the honour and profits of the same were snares to me, I pray God all may take warning by me, and not to love riches, honour, good name, more than the truth, and the honour of God, to beware that they be not deceived by their hearts, to think that God stands in need of our lies to honour and advantage his name, or ways of his Gospel, to sin, that grace may abound. I do think it very meet to vindicate Col. Goffe., Col. Cooper, Lievt. Col. Mason, Lievt. Col. Worsly, Major Pecker, which were appointed by your Excellency to look into my cause, that they did faithfully and honestly, with a great deal of love and tenderness, endeavour to find out the truth, especially Col. Goffe., and Lieut. Col. Mason, that in my heart I did look on them as acting against me, as my very enemies, especially Lieut. Col. Mason was so busy and restless, that truth might be found out; and for this I do pray Col. Goffe., and Lieut. Col. Mason in particular forgiveness. And now my Lord, I cannot conclude without an acknowledgement of the many signal favours I have received from your Excellency, and how tenderly your Excellency did deal with me about this business; so that I may say of your Excellency, as it is written of Joseph, Mat. 1●●9. that your Excellency being just, and full of pity, you were not minded to make me a public example, but to put me off privily, casting also in your thoughts how to do me good, that I might not be utterly ruined, all which I do with all humility and thankfulness acknowledge, and am sorry I have this sad occasion to trouble your Excellency, and yet I rejoice that God hath been pleased to be merciful to me: I rest, Not worthy to be reckoned amongst the living, much less your Excellencies poor unworthy servant; Edm. Chillenden. Novemb. 30. 1653.