A Conference Held between the Old Lord Protector And the New Lord General, Truly Reported by Hugh Peter.  
London, Printed, 1660.   

A Profound Discourse between the old Protector and the new Lord General, truly reported by Hugh Peter.  Oliver in a disguise, giving a Sop to Cerberus (the Porter of Hell,) gets lose from thence, and taking a turn or two in St. James 's Park, meets with Hugh Peter's; to whom he directs himself, as followeth. Cromwell. 
HOh! hoh! Peter's! It's a brave refreshing by my Conscience! It's a great deal cooler here, than where I was just now!  Peter's. 
If I may be so bold to ask you, Sir, where have you been I pray?  
What? wilt thou be a fool too? thou'rt knave enough in conscience! Dost not thou know where I have been, ever since my thrice auspicious Day of September. I tell thee, I have been with my Sovereign Lord and Prince Abaddon, Apollyon, Lucifer, Satan, Beelzebub, Senior Don Diabolo, the Illustrious Emperor of Plutonia, in his infernal Dominions and Territories; where I am his Substitute and Grand-Vizier, turmoiling myself with the Cares of his Government; which have put me into such a fervour, and heat, by incessant motion and quotidian agitation, that my native bow died Red is changed into this Tartarian sable complexion. But who would not be in Office, Peter? Believe me, though the trouble of my place be great, yet it is a relaxation to me to consider, how I have outstripped in my Prince's favour my fellow-Courtiers, as Cain (the famous fratricide,) the Babylonian Nimrod, the Grecian Andronicus, the Tyrant's of Athens, the Roman Nero, the Apostate Julian, the Turkish Mahomet, the renowned Persecutors, Alexander the sixth, Caesar Borgia, Ravilliac, Guido Faux, my Cousin Harry the eight, my Parallel Richard the third, and many more such eminent Senators in my Sovereign's Court: Not to mention that ambitious emulator of my glory, audacious Bradshaw, and others of the like extraction and quality; whose memorable Actions and Exploits will be recorded and rewarded to all eternity, as well as mine. But prithee Peter, where's my Secretary? Will he never come at me, to tell me how the Affairs of my sons Richard and Harry proceed, succeed and prosper? He used to give me devilish Information of all the passages in Europe. Now, prithee, be thou honest for once, and relate to me the condition of my Territories since my secession from hence, and promotion to my present Charge.  Peter's. 
Sir, Your son Richard is a simple Fool, your son Harry, a stupid Ass; Fleetwood, a sordid base fellow; Disborow, a perfidious Renegado; the rest of your Privie-Councill, a company of Woodcocks, Widgeons, Oules and Buzzards; and your Secretary, such a nimble Mercury, as he rides Post into any employment for advantage.  Cromw. 
The Devil he does?  Pet. 
Nay, It's true enough: I'd thought you had known him well enough, as he knew you: But sir, since you was here, there has been a damnable Alteration in the Government: Your Sons are all turned out of Office: Their Protectorship, Leiutenantship, and General-ship, not worth a—! The little Rump, that you thought (and all the world too, I dare swear) you had devoured at one mouthful, (I know not by what evil digestion) being evacuated again, has cast such a savour in your Sons Nostrils, as has quite cast them out of all Power and Authority. That Postern member has revived itself twice within these nine months. Once by the treachery of Fleetwood and his complices: And next by the foolery of Lambert, and the crafty Policy of General Monk. And not only so, but by the Necessity of the Times, and the Interposition of the City of London, and indeed of most of the Gentry and Commonalty of England, the very seeluded Members are readmitted into the House of Commons; & it's feared the Lords will shortly have the exercise of their Jurisdiction: And what will the issue be, I pray, but restoring of the Line of King James to the Kingly Power, the redintegation of Monarchy and Hierarchy, and the dissolution of your new Atlantis, and Utopian Commonwealth. And for my part, I am bethinking myself to go over into Holland, with all speed: For there will be no secure abiding here for me, if the Prelates or Presbyters get pre-eminence.  Cromw 
Come to me, you fearful Coward, and I will prefer you to be one of my Prince's Chaplains: But is all this, that thou hast told me, true? Me thought, when I came hither first, I found a very strange alteration in this place: No Chimney almost smoking at Whitehall, and nothing but smoke in all the Chimneys at St. James', Prithee, who quarter's there?  Pet 
Why? General Monck, Sir.  Cromw. 
How a devil came he thither? What, has he left Scotland now I am gone; from whence I could never get him when I was here, with all the subtle pretences and flatteries, to which I was so well accustomed?  Peter's. 
'tis true Sir.  Cromw. 
Hoh! hoh! Prithee go to him, and use thy wont Craft and Artifice, deluding and seducing him to come into the Park, and then I'll set upon him in the Devil's name, I'll warrant thee.  Pet. 
I will sir,—  Peter goes to St. James 's House; and after a while, returns into the Park with the Lord General; To whom Cromwell appears, in a grizly black, deformed, devilish guise, and treats him, as followeth. Cromw. 
Monck! What a Devil ail you?  Monck. 
In the Name of God what art thou? By the Powers of Heaven, I conjure thee to tell me, who thou art?  Cromw. 
I am the most Serene and Renowned Oliver, late Lord Protector of England, Scotland and Ireland.  Monck. 
The Devil thou art! What wind brought you to town again: I had thought your Ghostly Father had secured you safe enough from coming to trouble the world any more, if thou be'st Cromwell!  Cromw. 
Cromwell I am, and this my reverend Confessor and Sin-absolver can sufficiently testify.  Peter's. 
'tis he sir.  Monck. 
What news from Erebus my Lord?  Cromw. 
John Bradshaws well, with my late Attorney General and others of my familiars. But prithee, George, tell me, what wind drove thee from Edinburgh to London?  Monck. 
Sir, a prosperous and auspicious wind, by the Divine Inspiration! to repair the Breaches you and your Rebellious Family have made; and restore the ancient liberty of this Commonwealth to its primitive and regular Constitution; in the bringing in the Son of our late gracious and now glorious Sovereign to be King, and Parliaments to their lawful freedom and Privileges, without terror of Interruption or Obstruction; that so both Religion and the civil Government may flourish again in purity, and prosperity, and faction and rebellion, be banished to the land of Darkness, and confusion, the proper receptacle for factious and traitorous rebels, whereof you were the Captain-general.  Cromw. 
How now, George, are you so saucy? Hast thou veiled thy Malignancy all this while under thy hood; and now dost thou bore thy face for Kingship; and assert the Interest of Charles Stuart?  Monck. 
It had been well with you, if you had been so conscientious and Religious, Honourable and Loyal, as to have given Caesar his due. Whereas now I perceive and really believe, that you are a most miserable Caytiff, reprobate from heaven, and eternal felicity, and condemned to the portion of the Devil and his angels in utter destruction.  Cromw. 
Hold George, I am his Majesty's Vicegerent, and can do what I will in his Dominions. I have promised Peter's a Benefice. And Bradshaw is one of the Commissioners of the great Seal, and the Archbishop of York is another by my promotion. I have Offices for thousands of them, if they have but the luck to come to me. Dorislaus is a Judge in our Admiralty. And I will be so much in Charity with Haselrig, Vain, Jack Lambert, Scot, and Tom Harrison, That they shall all be well provided for. My son Ireton is my only confident. Fleetwood was always a coward, and never had a noble daring spirit, and it's no matter for him. But I want Wat Strickland to be Captain of the Guard: And I would do very well for my Privy-Council. My father Rouse is Provost of the College of Aetna. Tom Pride is head Brewer at Acheron; but we are in great want of a Cobbler, and therefore I desire thee to send John Hewson to me with all speed. A Goldsmith might get wealth enough with us, better than by the Spanish silver; and therefore dismiss Invisible Jack to me, and I will set him and Frank Allen up together: He might do well to bring his Lieutenant-colonel along with him, for the Sultana Proserpina has a Web for him, and is in great distress for a Weaver. Prideaux is the only favourite of Rhadamanthus. I would very gladly hear of some of Harry Martyn's Jocaries; for though he was against my Protectorship, yet I love him for his Sales; and he shall never lose by coming hither; for here is Salt enough I'll warrant him. I want my Ape extremely, and therefore give a Commission to Robin Titchburn to come to me presently. I cannot stay any longer to insist upon particulars; And therefore send me all the Committee-men, Excise-men, Informers, etc. who have gotten good estates to bear their charges hither, and they shall lose nothing by their coming. 'tis strange I can see nothing in Print! surely, Hills and Feild are laid aside, or else I am sure, I should have had somewhat of News by them, or Nedham, before this time. Prithee George, send those fellows to me; for our Sovereign is determined to Print his new Translation; with the Confession of our Infernal Creed, and to have an Apology for his Government, and the Case of his Dominion stated; and therefore my old servants will be (I know) very officious and sedulous in this Employment. They shall not need to fear, that any one will print their Copy: I'll secure them by my Warrant against all the Stationers in his Majesty's name, and by his Royal Privilege; and more than this, they shall print all our Acts and Ordinances without rendering any account.  
Well! George! Since it is no better: It's well it's no worse: But I tell thee, had I been here still, I would have kept myself in the Saddle, and not have been so Pusillanimous, as my Son: But I cannot blame him, he broke his Thigh by falling from his hunting-horse, and he might very well fear his Neck, when he bestrid such an indomitable Beast, as England's great-horse. Aúdaces fortuna juvat, and degeneres animos timor arguit.  Monck. 
Had you, sir, the filial fear of God before your eyes, and not the slavish fear of a Tyrant in your heart, you would not have perpetrated so many prodigious enormities, in subverting the true Religion and Liberty of the Church and State of England: What cause had you to take away the lives of sir Henry Slingsby, and the eminent Martyr Dr. Hewet, with others of Noble and generous blood? besides your lawful Sovereign?  Cromw. 
Oh George! Reprove me not so bitterly. I'm bad enough already; to hear thee mention the name of a God and his fear, and his Saints and Martyrs, brings horror and despair into my Conscience, and wounds me to the very soul immortally. I can stay no longer with thee: My Charge requires my Attendance: Come Peter, follow me; and so farewell, George: Only be careful of fulfilling my Requests, in sending the several Persons  after me with all speed convenient, that they may receive their just Rewards, as well as myself.  Cromwell vanisheth. Peter's, 
he's gone, my Lord, And I must follow him; only give me leave to make a true Narration of this Conference.  Monck. 
The Devil go with him, and thee too, (as I may say!) Thou art a dissembling, Hypocritical Knave for drawing me into such an Hellish Conference. But the Lord deliver me, and all honest men from such Devilish Principles and Practice. I am resolved to be (by God's grace) steadfast in the true Protestant Religion, Loyal to my Prince, and faithful to my Country; And then I doubt not of a due Reward from the eternal King of Glory: And so be gone Mr. Peter! And betake yourself to your Infernal Prelation and Benefice, as soon as you will.  Peter's. 
I thank you Sir, for your noble dismission, and loving well-wishes. I'll follow his Highness, as fast as I can.  Exit Luchrymis. 
Finis, Funis, Funus.