THE CRAFTY WHORE: OR, The mystery and iniquity OF BAWDY HOUSES Laid open, In a dialogue between two SUBTLE BAWDS, wherein, as in a mirror, our CITY-CURTESANS may see their soul-destroying Art, and Crafty devices, whereby they Ensnare and beguile Youth, portrayed to the life, By the PENCIL of one of their late, (but now penitent) CAPTIVES, for the benefit of all, but especially the younger sort. Whereunto is added DEHORTATIONS from LUST Drawn from the SAD and LAMENTABLE Consequences it produceth.  
Ite, sed a stimulo carnis Venerisque cavete;  
Cauta est, atque dolis andique plena Venus.  
Vel prodesse volo vel delectare—  
LONDON: Printed for Henry Marsh at the Prince's Arms, at the lower end of Chancery-lane, near the Inner Temple-Gate, in Fleet- 〈…〉   

 depiction of a scene from a bawdy house (brothel) 
Sold by Henry Marsh, at the Prince's Arms at the Lower end of Chancery Lane, ne'er the Inner Temple Gate in Fleetestreet;  R. Gaywood fecit.   

The Author's Preface to his Countrymen,  
Worthy Sirs,  
WEre there in this our native and noble Country England, no such creatures, (alias Devils incarnate) as Bawds and Whores, (of all sorts) it would have been a vain thing in me, to have wrote of this lascivium et dolosum pecus, and therein to have admonished you to shun them. Or could out magistrates have been so prevalent, as were Justinian, and Theodosius, in the extirpation of these unprofitable Drones, it would not only have saved me this labour, but would also have prevented the ruin of many rich and ancient families. But since even strangers take notice (upon record) of the levity of our nation, and that we have too too Apishly imitated the French, I not only tacitly grieved at it; 
(— Pudet haec opprobria nobis,  
Et dici potuisse, et non potuisse refelli.)  but resolved to try what good I could do, by showing you the vildness and perniciousness of those, who make it their sole livelihood to commit whoredom; and by representing to you the manner of their cheats, how they allure with words, entice with gestures, nods, amorous and petulant glances, etc. you may be admonished to avoid and beware of the like. It was not any self pleasing conceit that did put me upon this work, but to discharge my conscience, was I willing to let all men see the viciousness and sowlnesse of the lives of all Courtesans (either private or common) represented to your view in the relation of the life of one Thais, and one Antonia, alias one Bawd and one Whore; yet two grand mysteries of inquiry. I hope you will by this book learn to shun those Locusts, who still employ their time in destroying the young plants of this land, to this purpose was this treatise intended. Wherefore I here forewarn all those that are resolved to follow their Lusts and debauchments, not to read it, lest they pervert the sense, and so turn that which otherwise might be good, in itself, into Poison. I do ingeniously confess, that some expressions may be somewhat dissolute and wanton (and therefore it is, that I forbidden dissolute persons to read them) because they are the representatives of such persons, words and actions, and therefore I hope the easier to be excused, but still I shall firmly believe that they are not capable to corrupt and vitiate any's chaste thoughts, but rather by it render the odiousness of lascivious speeches and behaviour in its proper defiled colours. Likewise hence you may see their folly, and learn from thence to know that that is not true & real pleasure which such deboist spirits adjudge so, but that which is to be found in modesty virtue, and honesty. I have herein done as your Physicians do with their bitter pills, that is gild them, to invite their patients to swallow them. I have by similitude shown something by the outside, which seems delightful and pleasant, but within there is nothing but unreprovable reprehensions and accusations of vice. 
— Licuit semperque licebit  
— Dicere de vitijs.  
It lawful was of old and still shall be  
To speak of vice—   
Had I acted the part of a severe Satirist, the rigorousness of my title would have deswaded men from reading further: whereas by being comical, I may (simul et semel) both please and reprove. 
— Ridentem dicere verum,  
Quid vetat?—  by living dissolutely, riotously, and lasciviously, my excuse is evident. However condemned I know I shall be by some narrow spirits, whose chief understanding lies in their bare sense, that can look no further, than the literal meaning, but had they the capacity to break the shell of these fables, they may find such truths as are not commonly published in Print, and they shall evidently perceive how pleasure and instruction walk hand in hand; and that there are mingled sacra profanis, I hope not profaned. Some will ask perhaps why I entered on this subject? I shall answer first that I might be in some employment; because there is no greater cause of falling to those vices, and that company I advise you to shun, than idleness, whereof there is no surer care than business. In the next placed I did it, because having tried and having suffered by these sin selling Traders, I might stand as a Beacon, to forewarn you to beware how you come near them.  Experto credi Richardo. 
I may say what Marius in Seneca, Quae illi audire et legere solent, eorum partim egomet vidi, and so I am willing to be helpful to my countrymen, out of a fellow feeling, as was a Lady I have read of, who being a Leper, built an Hospital at her own charge for all those that were Leprous. I have (in writing my observations) imitated Zisca, a valiant Captain, who commanded that after his death there should a Drum be made of his skin, as thinking that the noise thereof would terrify his enemies, being so terrible to them whilst he lived. Now as for the subject, I cannot think that envy itself can find fault with it, since the holy Prophets wrote thereof, as also Solomon described their gestures, fawn, allurements, with all the rest of their crafty deallings, and soul destroying ways: I shall forbear to mention many centuries both of Philosophical and divine Authors, that have wrote of Bawds, Whores, Panders, &c and their acts. What mischief this sin of lust hath done in the world, both modern and ancient Authors have sufficiently declared, and besides our diurnal experience, the holy Scripture doth make it evident: As Gods bringing a deluge on the world for the commission of fornication by Seth with the daughters of Cain. For this sin was the whole tribe of Benjamin almost extinguished: for one sole adultery of David what a slaughter did God bring on his people by the plague, and famine, and sword. Again how many Kings have been disthroned by this wanton sin, as Tarqvinius, Claudius, Hannibal, Marcus Antonius, &c I really believe, there is hardly a vicious act committed, or downfall of any man's estate, which had not its original from lust. What better thing than can I be employed in, then by endeavouring to kill this hydra that hath killed so many, or at leastwise discover to men its den, that thereby they may not come near it, unless they will be guilty of self murder. By this monster, I mean all lose women, but especially common Whores, whom I advise you not to cheapen unless you intent your damnation to be the price: not only so, but if you use their company, they will likewise be your bodily undoing. For as they are for the most part fair, so are they witty and crafty; out of all arts have they sucked the poison of their craft, so that it's almost impossible to be undeceived in their company. I can speak this by experience as having been often cheatted in the rottenness and deceitfulness of these female commodities, and therefore I may the better be your pilot to keep you from splitting against their Seylla and Charybdis. I may tell you that I have been as petulant as others, and I have been heretofore so far from apposing that generally beloved thesis of enjoying pleasure, as that I rather studied how I might be an assector & promotor of that doctrine; but now experience hath reform my judgement; so that I can now look on a handsome woman, with as little ardour as upon a well proportioned statue, which that you may so do, shall be the continual prayer of him: who is  
Your Countryman.   

A DIALOGUE Between ANTONIA And THAIS.  ANTONIA, 
I would willingly hear by what means, and for what ends your Mother and you, first arrived at Rome?  THAIS, 
Since fortune favours me with opportunity, I shall be willing to satisfy your curiosity in this my Narration. I need not tell you in what manner we came to this City, since by the way there did nothing occur of moment; therefore be pleased to understand that as soon as we came hither, we inquired out what place in the City was most resorted to by Courtiers, and young Gallants; which as soon as we understood, thither speedily did we repair, where we met with a Woman, who got her living by letting of Lodgings; with this Woman we found very good accommodation; what was provided for our necessary food, was neat and dainty; as for the furniture of our Chamber, it was both rich and eye-pleasing. Here we continued eight days, before which were expired, our Landlady had sufficiently loud, blown the trumpet of my extraordinary beauty, fit composure of body, excellent be behaviour, and other rare both natural and artificial excellencies of soul and body, with which I was endued; but above all the rest (she being almost blinded with the raise of my sparkling eye, and rare symmetry of my beautiful complexion) I say she acquainted a Young Spark, a great hunter of City beauties and delights, how she lodged a Female Creature, that might be termed the Masterpiece of nature. Presently upon this bare relation, he acquaints others of his associates with this business, and they their friends, so that in a small time (this disease being so catching and infectious) there flocked a number of these Female-mongers before our Lodgings, I presently smelling their designs, and therefore kept myself extraordinary retired, the more to inflame their appetites: yet would I stand at the window at such a convenient place that I might see, yet not be seen; when I saw any young gull to gape and gaze very earnestly for a sight of me, than would I put my head out of the Casement to spit down, not discovering to him above half my face, but I would hastily catch in my head, the more to deceive his eyesight, and cause him to conceive the more of my honest chastity, so that by this craft, I appeared to be more virtuous and beautiful. For the eye being hindered from what it eagerly desires to see, kindles in the affections a fierce endeavour to satisfy themselves in the pursuit of their enjoyment; By this time there were few of Love's Champions which had not notice of me; in so much that our House was almost filled with amorous Visitants; our Landlady in the mean while, made her benefit on this occasion, for they sufficiently greased her fist to mediate for them. Now did my Mother begin to bestir her stumps, and being she was a Woman sufficiently tutored and experienced in Pandarism, her long exercise in that noble art, made her a perfect Crafts-Mistresse, wherefore she would pretend sometimes that suspicion would not suffer her to admit of such variety of Company, and that she much feared in time, that it might pervert the chaste mind of her only Daughter; and then would she break out into these expressions. Is it possible for me a stayed Matron to be led away with fair speeches, which may prove the ruin of my Daughter's chastity, and the dishonour of our ancient Family; God forbidden that I should permit any thing that might be the cause of contaminating her hither to immaculated flower of Virginity; whereas God knows, it was long since, that I could not be at rest till I had tried and tasted of the sweet pleasures of concupiscence; I have many times heard, and I accordingly did put it in practice, that in love affairs, we must make hay while the Sun shines, or whilst fortune favours; I accounted it a matter of discretion to use that to day, which I knew not whither it might be offered me to morrow; As soon as vigorous nature had provoked me to surrender up my Virgin for't, I was willing (for scare of displeasing her) to let it be taken at the first assault; For I was very sensible that my Virgin-bud now disclosing itself, delay would but blow it wider; the longer it was suffered to grow, the sooner it would fade, wherefore these things and many other, after I had duly considered on, I thought on no better way, then in my frequent wanton motion to sympathise with the Heavens in its continual agitation: Well, my Mother (if she thought any of these Gallants were near enough to hear her) would continue expostulating with herself; what, shall I regard either their fair speeches or quality? No, honesty shall be more prevalent with me. Besides, are we not descended of a noble Progeny? And are we not so sufficiently in fortune's favour, as not to be destitute of that, of which we may lead an honest life? Many other such expressions did she use, which did make a wonderful addition both to my beauty, honesty and nobility. My Lovers being thus captivated by the real and imaginary splendour of my perfections, continue still their congregations before my lodgings, every one had the hopes to crop the chief flower of my Garden. At last I could not resist the motions of my mind, but would sometimes stand at the window and seem to take wonderful delight in those, that I thought were most rich and wealthy; as for other Reck shares, as a brave presence, gallantry of habit, or a nice and acquaint gate, who foot it so to a tittle, that it seems their senses are placed in their feet. I regarded not these things, wealth and pleasure were the centre of my ambition. It's not bravery or high quality that Women regard, when with fervency of spirit she would take a taste of venereal pleasures: for it hath been experimented, that the freeze Jerk in hath afforded Females as much delighting contentment, as the velvet Coat, Sometimes my adorers would walk, some times ride in their richest attire before our house, one while they would complain of their hard fate in denying them a sight of me, other whiles they would sing.  Ant. 
Now you talk of songs, I remember a catch one of my Lovers echoed forth, when I was as thou were't, It was to this purpose, 
Omnia quae patior mala si pensare velit for'rs  
Vnâ aliqua nobis prosperitate, Dij.  
Hoc precor ut faciant faciant me cernere coram  
Cor mihi captivum quae tenet hocce, Deam.  
If that the Gods shall please to dignify  
Our many griefs with one felicity.  
Oh be it this, to me (ye Gods impart)  
A sight of her that Captivates my heart.   Thais. 
When any of them stood under my window, lest they should doubt of my being at home, I would feign a cough, and so spit out at the Casement. Then would they before I could recover in my head address themselves in such like complaints, and sole Mistress of my affections, the Idea of all perfection; how can it consist with the gentleness of your nature, and softness of disposition, to be so cruel as to commit homicide, do not be as the wind of bellows which inflames, though it be cold. All my answers would be nothing but pleasing smiles, (the usual veil that covers female ignorance) which were better bonds to shackle them, than the best rhetoric I could pronounce; thus they adored me as a Goddess, though at a venereal banquet, I say at the Prick of time. I could be content to be to them a subjected Mortal.  Ant. 
I do admire at thy wit in that thy tender age.  Thais. 
It's but a folly for any one to practise this mysterious art, without they have wit at will. But to proceed, my Mother now began to study how she might invest me with gallant apparel, knowing how great an ornament it is to a comely face, wherefore she (as your Chambermaids use) laid most part of her patrimony on my back, clothing me in pinks colour satin slashed, and with very short sleeves.  Ant. 
And why with short sleeves?  Thais. 
Because the smoothness, and whiteness of my skin might be continually in sight, and felt too if they pleased: My hair being artificially curled was tied with Ribbons wearing likewise a gold call; and because it was of a bright yellow (the right complexion) every hair seemed as a thread of gold to the optics of my Lovers. My Mother was careful not to omit a day in washing my face with Mercury water, and other things, which she kept on purpose to make me fair and my face to shine, as yet we scorned tinctures and paintings, that lost beauties use. I being thus addressed, did choose such a time to show myself, when most of my Lovers were present; then would I appear on a sudden to them at the window, which would so surprise and amaze them, that they were almost in an ecstasy of joy, and would gaze so on this new appearing star, that if the eyes had been the instruments of generation, certainly they would have got me with child.  Ant. 
But how did you behave yourself this while?  Thais. 
I feigned more chastity than a Nun, more modesty than Penelope: to which I added a great many gestures and motions so sit for my purpose, as if they had been afore studied decencies, with which I so charmed these stargazers, as they seemed as men turned into statues, I had not been here long before my crafty Mother comes to me (as accidentally) and chides me aloud with an angry countenance, commanding me to withdraw, and with all charging me to be more reserved for the furture; I presently followed her, leaving my gaping Spectators all in sadness for my absence, but he that loved me best, (that he might be better satisfied concerning me,) knocked at our Door at night, and there meeting with our Landlady, demanded of her who I was? To which she readily answered, (being before instructed) that I was the Daughter of an honourable and wealthy foreign Matron, whose Father had been lately murdered, for which cause the old Gentlewoman (with this her fair Daughter) was come to Rome to be revenged on her Husband's Murderers, and that for that very cause, she brought but little goods along with her, only so much as to accommodate her whilst she stayed here.  Ant. 
On my word this was a crafty narration.  Thais. 
My lover proceeded and demanded of her, by what means, he may talk with this reverend Matron? To which she replied, it was no easy matter, for the Venetians are very jealous of any action, that but savours of love, as are all the Italians, who are so jealous beyond measure of their Wives, that they debar them from all public view, and permit them the liberty to speak with few or none. I think Sir, that commonly reported story of the Venetian Gentleman is enough to evidence what I say to be true, who placed a lock upon his Wife's secrets, himself keeping the key when he went forth, to be assured of her chastity in his absence; And truly they have good reason for this their jealousy, as I shall show you, if you will give me leave to make some small digression on their conditions and manners. For as they are for the most part extraordinary witty, so are they beautiful and modest seemingly. By way of Proverb, it is said of them that they are Saints in the Church, Angels in the streets, Sirens in the windows, but are Goatishly wanton in their Houses, which cannot otherwise be expected, if you consider how carelessly they live, that they have nothing to trouble them, but that they are troubled with nothing. They are excellent good Face-monders, they know how to embellish themselves with all the advantages of Art, as painting, and other sophistical helps to a fallacious beauty, therefore they have a saying, that if God gives them a good proportionable stature of body, they will add beauty to it themselves. I have been something too long in their true character, purposely to make appear how far this young Lady you inquire after, surpasseth all the rest of her Country Women. Are they seeingly virtuous? She is really so. Are their beauties sophisticated? Hers is natural, and to conclude what they want of excellency, she is absolutely Mistress of. Again be not angry with the old Gentlewoman if she have a smatch of her Countrymens' jealous humour, for as it is her nature, so is it her provident care to have (if possible) Argus his hundred eyes to watch so precious a pearl; yet for all this he could not choose but ask, whither I was a Virgin, yes saith our Landlady, and one that is so pure, and devout, that all my business is to repeat Prayers all day, and meditate with her; whereupon he was so taken with me, as that he earnestly desired to be admitted into so much favour as to speak with me. But she said that could not be for the premises after alleged. Wherefore he desired that she would intercede for him, and so departed, which accordingly she did. For on a time when we are all three together, she began to tell my Mother that there was a Gentleman both potent and rich, that bore a very great effection for me, who was able to raise the wheel of my fortune to the highest spoke, therefore (saith she) I shall account it a principal sign of your wisdom and circumspection, if you will make good use this your proffered good fortune in contributing some fair help to this his extraordinary affection. It was not for nothing that this piece of serpentine craft pleaded so stiffly, having been before well greased in the fist, and my Mother hoping for no less, quickly condescended. The Gentleman being thus acquainted with his new happiness, studied nothing more than how to prepare us a brave collation. At which his whole discourse to my Mother, was wholly concerning me, beseeching her to permit him to visit me sometimes, and that she would register him among the best of her friends. My Mother seemed to consult with herself about this proposal a long time, and knowing well enough what she had to do, consented (upon conditions) to his desires. Now my young Gull, thinking he had removed all obstacles, a night or two after came to me, thinking to have a night's lodging, and so as a parative, accosts me with protestations, vows and oaths, as if he intended to reward the loss of my Virginity with a Kingdom. Thus did he woo me that he might reap the fruit of his expenses, or rather that of my youth, which he most desired. Well I told him that I should say nothing at that present without deliberation, and therefore I appointed him an other night to meet me; the time being come, he (fully assured of his desires) came, having before given order for a costly supper. The Table being furnished with all sorts of rare viands, we placed ourselves, but I bethought myself before how to behave myself at it. I did eat very little meat, and drank less wine, unless it was tempered with water. I complained sometimes that I had overcharged my stomach, as a Lady did when she had eaten a pested of a lark at a great Feast, having before well stuffed her belly with good beef and cabbage. Supper being ended, the wine he drank begun to sparkle in his veins, and my beauty intoxicating his brains, he could not forbear his amorous embracements; wherefore that he might act his manly part with secrecy he led me to my bedchamber, and so enclosed us both in: and presently in a trice disrobes himself, (so eager was his panting desire in pursuit of the enjoyment of its end) and so leaps into bed with an insulting and triumphant joy, and presently after allures me with an innumerable company of enticements: Protesting that I was the only person to whom he dedicated his affection, and that there was no woman in the universe could be richer than his promises could make me. But all these things were not available to get me to bed to him, wherefore being impatient, he leaps out of bed and offered to my view a thousand female alluring gestures (which I must confess the truth had almost overcome my craft and seeming chastity) and then hug'd me and kissed me, but seeing all these things prevailed nothing, he sought to obtain that by force which he could not obtain by fair means: wherefore finding his summons so forcible, I compounded on condition (for bashfulness sake) that he would turn his head to the wall whilst I disroled myself, and then putting out the candle, I came to bed to him, but withal telling him that I could by no means yield to commit sin, or derogate from any Ancestors in losing that long and safe preserved inestimable treasure; He regarded little what I said, his mind being Preoccupied in deeper affairs, but encircled me strait way in his arms, hugging me as the Ape her younglings, yet for all this I held fast that prerogative which all Women have, and may use in such encounters, let them pretend what they please; so that my Amorist was like an other Tantalus, though he held me fast in his arms, yet I would not let his trembling needle touch that Pole its point stood against with so much vigour. Then he fell a flattering me, calling me his soul, the delight of his life, the delightful hope of his expiring soul, and the soul of his future bliss (suffer me saith he) to enjoy that, I have so longed for, let me not die with thirst, whilst I am so near the Fountain, with many the like expressions concluded with bitter sighs.  Ant. 
How hard was thy heart, and how insensible wert thou, certainly had I been in thy case, I should have even melted at his discourse and gestures; when I was young, it was but strike, and I presently took fire, I was very free of my favours, yet I think I lost not by it, for besides money, I had pleasure to boot.  Thais. 
I could be content to be of your mind, and make use of all proffered opportunities to satisfy and content myself, but you must understand I was wiser at that time than the rest of our Sex, for I preferred profit before that momentary delight, well knowing that if he had satisfied his desires, he would not have so much esteemed me, and so have been defective in paying me my promised reward, wherefore I kept him off at a distance, but it had like to have cost me dear. For growing furious by my denial, and seeing himself frustrated of all means, his breast swelled into desperation, and therefore changed those sweet and heart-melting expressions, into bitter and horrid threats, swearing withal, that unless I would yield, and that quickly, he would renounce his former affection, and strangle me in the bed, or stab me with his Ponnyard, there ready for the purpose, and presently to make good some part of his threats laid hold ou my throat with both his hands, but feeling the softness of my body, he was so overcome, as that he, that but even now breathed nothing but death, forgets what he said, and fell again to his enticements, hoping thereby to attain his ends, desiring me with the full bend of his soul, that I would consider his condition, and put an end to his torments. But seeing this would not do, he leaps out of bed, and puts on his , and so endeavoured to be gone. Now I being uncertain of what might follow, I entreated him to return, withal telling him, that I was at his devotion, and if he pleased, he might consummate his felicity. The foot returns upon these enchanting expressions, and reenters his former ne●….  Ant. 
Such speeches from so fair a Creature, are enough to tempt a Saint, to act the sin of concupiscence.  Thais. 
But hear what this Novice said, if you fear that the wounding of your virginity will put you to any pain, take notice, that it is not so much as the biting of a flea, I that breath the same soul that you do, and am made of the same flesh, how think you, is it possible then for me to wound you with a fleshly weapon.  Ant. 
I confess when I was a maid, I did not fear much this carnal Instrument, but I found to my sorrow that at first it pained me to the purpose. Pricking me till it drew blood from me; nor would I ever had to do with it again, had it not been for the recompense it made me in excess of delight, I took thereby.  Thais. 
Yet for all this I would not let him feel that, which he so much desired to enjoy. Thus passed he away the night like a gamester in this, that he had lost his money and his sleep and time to a bad purpose. Wherefore the second time he leapt out of bed, and did put on his , and as he was very sorrowfully looking out of the window, he espied my Mother and Landlady walking in the Garden. Whereupon he suddenly cries out to them, ask them what he had done them of hurt, that they should be the means of his torment. Certainly (saith he) I would have found a more mild creature in African denns. Whereupon my Landlady perceiving by his looks and gestures that he was almost horn mad, she came to him, and comforted him, saying that now he had sufficiently proved her chastity, and might know now how difficult it is to scale a true virgins for't. In the mean time I arose and put on my , & so withdrew myself into my closet, leaving them together to consult about this adventure. But as for my Love, his choler did swell to such a height, that he swore he would never see me nor the house again, and so departed.  Ant. 
Surely you lost him then by your obstinate behaviour.  Thais. 
No; I bond him by this the faster to me. For by how much the more the passionate mind meets with obstacles, (as denials) by so much the more is it vehement in the prosecution of the compliment of its desire. As appears by this that follows, for he had not been absent above an hour, before in came a Tailor from him, almost loaden with Silks, Purple, and Scarlet Cloth: commanding him to cut me off, as much of each, as would commodiously invest me, hoping by this means he might tempt me to crown his desire. Upon the receipt of this present, I consulted with my Mother, what was best to be done, she told me that by all these circumstances, it was evident enough, how great his affection was for me, and that as he had done so much, so surely he would do more, rather than would lose his expenies and the hope of obtaining his will. But she advised me withal to be a little more pliable and complacential to him. Then did I go and dress myself in my best attire, knowing that he could not stay long from me. I was no sooner dressed, but he knocks at the door, and I with a smiling countenance went half way down the stairs to meet him; where I declared to him, with the very quint-essence of dissimulation, how smitten I was to the heart at his bidding adieu, that had it not been for my bashfulness, I had assuredly necalled him. However, now being fully convinced of my error, I was resolved that on the next night to yield myself up to his embraces, and that I was willing to endure or suffer any thing for his dear sake, and withal assured him, that now he was in a capacity to triumph o-over all his envious Rivals. This subtle narration I sealed with a long breathed kiss. Again he takes order for a costly supper, which was prepared of things both for satisfying hunger, but principally of things that would make us potent and valiant in loves combats. He could hardly eat any thing, the thoughts of his future pleasure did so much occupy his senses, wherefore he caused the tablecloth to be taken away somewhat of the soon, and so away we went to bed. I would have deceived him again, had I seen any probability of good in it, wherefore being not in a capacity to use more slights, I yielded myself as vanquished: yet I remembered what part I had to act, to wit an unspotted virgin. Therefore did I much and often complain of the wrong he did me. Ah me! most miserable wretch that I am, how am I despoiled of my honour? How shall I look any man again in the face without blushing? Have I not cause to hate myself for my immodesty. My Lover thought my complaints were real, therefore to stop my mouth, he pulled out of his pocket a purse, presents it to me, as a reward in part for my lost virginity. There was in it about forty pieces of gold. I seemed to refuse it at first, making him believe, how small that recompense was in comparison of that pleasure he possessed of mine.  Ant. 
I should have feared he would not have offered it again.  Thais. 
I'll assure you I did mistrust it, therefore I accepted it, whereupon he fell a fresh to the renewing his pleasure with a full career.  Ant. 
I; but did he not perceive that you had before lost your maidenhead, and that the token of virginity (which most know) was not there.  Thais. 
Very good; but dost not thou know (silly woman) that few men know what belong to a virginity, as we of that certainty of being gotten with child? Besides, had he been so knowing, is it not easy to persuade a credulous man to any thing? But for fear of all suspicion, my mother had mended it, as well as she could, by giving me things to contract my Privy Parts, as Cypress, Moschus, Ramich, with many other things that are astringing. In the morning my Mother came to see how we did, after our mutual enjoyments, and found us of two, incoporated into one, so close were we linked together; my Mother gave the Gentleman the morning salutation, and blessed me with her maternal benediction. As soon as I saw her, I fell a kissing and hugging my Lover with vehement affection in my Mother's presence, my Mother began to tell the Gentleman, that she had that very morning received letters, by which she understood of a necessity to leave Rome within two or three days. Then addressing herself to me (said she) Daughter let us as willingly go as our loving and noble kindred would have us, and so you may lay my aged bones in the Sepulchre of my Ancestors, there to rest with them. I confess I am loath to leave this place, neither would I, could I seel my patrimony that is in my own country, that we might buy with that money, a house here. Presently I interrupting her, said, that if she was resolved to departed, I was sorry that I must be disobedient, telling her that was the only way for me to live; No Mother, know that I must sooner die, then be deprived of this my only hope of life and joy of my heart: Then did I embrace him, imploring his assistance with tears in my eyes. My Cully was so taken with me and my sugared words, that he forthwith promised before my Mother, that before a day past, he would provide both a house and furniture for us if we would not departed, and truly he was as good as his word, for on the morrow he came and discharged our Landlady of what we were indebted, and coached us to sumptuous house where all the householdstuff was in the best fashion, befitting a noble Man.  Ant. 
I cannot but adm●…e at the folly of this Man, in spending 〈◊〉 much on you, whereas he might have satisfied all his senses at a fare cheaper rate.  Thais. 
O Sister I perceive you do not understand what absolute sovereignty hath Cupid's dart over the person it hits; It hath wrought such wonderful effects on some Men, as to cause them to leave the beds of their most fair and beautiful wives, (a happiness that some would venture their lives for) & profess love to some silly Kitchen Maid. I believe neither you, nor I, are rightly able to dive into love's mysteries. This Man (had not his senses been besotted by me) certainly he might have understood his error and folly, and my unworthiness; for though those of our profession are for the most part very beautiful and well-spoken, yet how depraved are our natures, how corrupt and rotten? how inconstant and deceitful? how do we most hurt them, that we most seem to love: I tell thee as a secret, that, that Man is most happy whom we most hate and disdain.  Ant. 
As for my part I never professed much love to any man in my life, but I had some extraordinary design on him, you may be sure it was not for his profit; sometimes when I saw any my lovers to be full of money, then would ● invite him to lie with me, and then pick his pockets, other times when he had good , would I invite him to the like, and being asleep, would I afore acquaint some one of my Ruffians to come and take them from him, awaking him first, that he might see it was none of my fault, with many other crafty tricks I had to enrich myself by their ruins.  Thais. 
The truth of it is, we have no such thing as love or affection, but to ourselves. I never valued how many I utterly undid, if I might but pleasure and content myself. Nay I have made it a pastime for me to see my Lover's wound and slay one the other in contestation, who should be most beloved by me, whereas I loved neither for love's sake. At that very time that this dotard loved me, I was so provident as to ensnare others likewise. One among the rest was as foolish as this Man, for once coming to our House, and finding me along, professed the greatest affection that Man, could possess, alleging that he should die, if I did not pity him. After I had considered that this my first love had spent all his estate upon the matter, and that this other would, and was able to spend largely and lavishly upon me, than did I begin by little and little to withdraw my affection from my first Lover, and did seemingly settle it on the other. My former friend had not only spent his own estate, but that too of his Creditors, as much as possibly he could get upon trust, so that being not able to pay his debts, he was banished out of Rome (according to the custom of the City) and so the Law freed me from farther trouble or importunity of this prodigal Ignoramus. This second likewise (because I will not be too tedious) I fleeced of all his substance. I made this my grand maxim, to proportion the quality of my favours to the quantity of my Lovers crowns. The next that came was a crafty and proud Spaniard, who was so highly conceited of his own abilities, that at every step, turning up his mustachioes, he seemed to spurn the World in contempt. His temper (as is the rest of his Countrymens') is hot and dry, which makes them prone to lechery; it was that which made him so beyond measure dote on my face. But because I knew his nature to be beyond measure jealous, I valued him for nothing but his gold, which he had in good plenty.  Ant. 
I have heard that the Spaniard is so jealous, as he will not suffer his Wife to converse with any, no not stir abroad unless it be to her devotion, and then not without a spy to watch her actions. This passion (as it is thought) they borrowed of their neighbours the Moors. For it is enacted as a Law among them, that it is death for any tosee a Xeriffes' wife, and it is death for his Concubine too, if not at the first sight of a man, she cry not out. Since I have spoken of the Men, let me but mention a word of the Women. They are sober, and very loving, of a delicate soft skin, but some thing tawny. They are extraordinary patient in travail, and very lusty after it, in so much that they commonly lie in but three days. Again I remembered a Proverb concerning these men, which made me quite out of concept with them. For it's said the Spaniard is at enmity with Venus.  Galiorum penes sunt exigui tamen oblongi, sic Hispanorum, et breves et exigui. Therefore the French have got the start of them in that instrument, though neither of them can boast of their sufficiency. This Man (I say) I permitted to use me at his pleasure, (as long as he was worth any hang, but he becoming a Bankrupt, I turned him off. Thus lived I, excluding none that could give any thing worthy the receiving. By this time I became an excellent proficient, being extraordinarily improved in so short a time, so that I became absolute Mistress of my art, or rather Professor whole troops of young heirs, well moneyed to me, but sent them away empty. I could antificially take from one, and give to the other, and in the end deceive them both. If I observed any had ribbons or good Handkerchiefs, I could have the boldness to take them by violence as my tribute or their forfeitures. If I took notice of any thing that was of a greater value, I would take occasion to praise it or the workmanship, and if upon this they did not bestow it on me, than would I use my natural confidence in ask them for it. Before they left me at any time, I would make them engage for another set and speedy meeting, and to make them the more desirous of it, I would suggest to them how merry we would be then? what ravishing delight we would mutually enjoy, etc. When we met, then would I consider what I wanted to complete my felicity in the enjoyment of the pleasing of all my senses. Wither some costly or rare dish, wine, or music, all which would I quickly obtain by persuading them it was for their greater delight, and credit.  Ant. 
Now I consider what a fool I was at sixteen years old; age enough to have made me more wise for my profit and pleasure. For though I was skittish enough, yet I was very reserved. Whilst I lived under my Father's wing, there was a young Gallant professed himself my servant, though I loved him entirely, yet did I speak worst of him I loved best, and appeared ever before him with a sober and strange countenance. But now hear the extremity of my folly. For once getting me in a good humour, and a convenient place (and he being a cunning warrior) knowing right well, that a Fort is easier to be taken in one corner then in an other) there (I say) he assaulted my seemingly impregnable Castle, and took it. Ever after (the greater my folly) I could entreat him, that entreated me before. I that before locked and barred my chamber door, did now grease the hinges thereof, that my Father might not discover us by its creaking. So great an impression did this first enjoyment make, that I delighted altogether in extremes. And herein is the Proverb verified; that winsing colts, when once well broken, they prove excellent good Hacknyes, you may kill but not ●yre them.  Thais. 
Then I was of an other temper. For I could not be contented with these bare things; Seeing, speaking, kissing, no nor feeling, (which are but preparatives.) But my appetite prompted me on to a more near and free enjoyment of: those delights, this Prologue put me in mind of. But to go on with my story; the next Amorist I captivated was a quick witted, yet harebrained Frenchman, he was very vehement in his affections, as he is precipitate in all his actions. He came very Apishly and lightly clad to me, which did too much demote his buffonny, and incontinency. He thoughtwhen he came to me to get up and presently ride, thinking he had to deal with one of his own Country-women, with whom at the first fight a Man may be acquainted, and at the first acquaintance, he may obtain the favour of a private entrance. At your first interchange of speech, with them they will be as familiar, as if a man had been bred and born with them, and be so full of chat, as if they intended never again to be silent. They are generally as light in carriage as in habit. That is the reason the King of France hath such a multitude of subjects, but most of them poor, because a great many of them Bastards. Thus have I characterised Monsieur and his Madam. This Sieur des les Foutours, thought me to be some silly novice, and accordingly would have put a trick upon me, but he was made know experimentally the Proverb was true that says, that the Italians are wise before an action, the Dutch while they are acting, but the French when a thing is done, and so his wisdom is to small purpose. After (as he thought) he had sufficiently gained my affection by his promises and expenses, he was very importunate with me to go to France with him, (but he intended to tell me before we should come thither) which proposal after I had many objections cleared by him, I condescended to: But (as my good fortune was) I was told his design by one of his corrivals, wherefore to bring about happily my intended purpose, I seemed to take no notice of his plot, but would be often discoursing of our voyage, at length I perceiving that the time drew near for our departure I came to him and told him, that my  were at pawn, and unless I did speedily fetch them, they would be forfeited, whereupon he greedily answered my demands with a good sum of money, believing that the merchant would pay him again with interest for so rare and beautiful a creature: Two days before we wee to go, I told him my house-rent likewise must be paid, which he did at large, according to agreement between my Landlady and himself. Now seeing I had no more pretences to get money of him, I removed my lodging, and so left this Pigg-wiggin in the lurch.  Antonia. 
Since I perceive you traded with so many nations, pray what Country man was the next that came.  Thais. 
He was an Englishman, of a comely feature, and of a graceful and magnanimous aspect, who was both brisk and fair, gallant and courteous, active, sprightful, and cheerful: I confess I had not heart to gull this man as I would, for if there was any love within me, it was for him; I was not a little proud at this conquest, considering how fare English-women excel all Nations, in the excellencyes both of mind and body, that if you would make a complete body (according to the Proverb) choose a Dutch-womans' lower parts, the Frenchman's middle, but above alan English head to crown the rest; as they excel in beauty, so do they in their prerogative: though they for the most part are very insensible of its worth, we are enough sensible (to our sorrow) for I think really that proverb would be experimentally true, if there was a bridge over the narrow Seas, England would not be capacious enough to contain the women of Europe that would flock thither.  Ant. 
I perceive you have read much.  Thais. 
That was not the greatest part of my study, yet by it I was willing to understand the various natures of men, that I might the better put in practice what I had read. This my noble lover spent very freely upon me, and in me; so that I may say, till now, I never knew what it was to be an Epicurean: We lived a long time very jovially together, till (a pox on't) a pocky business disturbed our pleasures; for it seems he was amorous of other women, (or they of him) as well as myself: Among whom he got a terrible clap, and so communicated the malignity of it to me, which so peppered us both in a short time, as that we sympathised with the zodiac, having on our bodies (as the sign of this foul disease) the Cancer.  Ant. 
What can he expect less, who partakes of the nature of a Dog, in this, that he takes his pleasure with every Bitch he meets, perhaps one that he never did, nor ever shall see again, with whom many times he may learn more of the Pocky art in one hour, then by being moderate, he may in seven years.  Ant. 
And truly (Sister) I believe she is paid home in the same coin that makes her— a stable for every Ass to litter in, sometimes she may meet withal a Running Nag. Certainly there is nothing that renders our Sex more odious, then seriously to reflect on their actions in Bawdy-Houses. Modesty that should be a Woman's glory, is here hence banished; nothing but what is lascivious and wanton must be entertained there. In this place may a man find vice so set forth to the life, that if the sight thereof will not deter him from committing this sin, I know not what will.  Thais. 
For all thy preaching, I really think that it was not thou that left first this bitter-sweet fin, but it did thee, and I think thou dost wish well to it still. As for my part though I smarted sound (the poisonous quality of which fowl disease being not yet out of my bones) I say for this sin of Lechery, yet couldI not leave it, nay I was so accustomed to it, that it proved a second nature to me, if I had fasted but two days from it, it was as bad as four days, living on bread and water. As long as my beauty lasted, and was not impaired, I had Customers enouw for my Ware and Commodities. At this time I ensnared a young Merchant in my Pitt fall. I countenanced him the more, because wealthy and not well knowing the getting of his money, and so by that, be the freer to spend it. What money he lent me, I paid him in kindness, as in lying with me at his pleasure. But I (finding that by his oft employment, his love grew cold) consulted with myself how I might raise his former love and estimation to the same height, and after deliberation I found no way better than to affect the Man with jealousy. Wherefore I caused my Pimp toget ready a couple of Pheasants, a couple of Partridges, and a couple of crammed Capons, just about the time that my Love and I should be at dinner, giving him instructions what to say. At the time appointed, he knocked at the door, and I commanded him to be admitted, then did he come and present the Fowl with a low obeisance to me, saying, Madam my Lord Don Alonzo de Monte Turco, hath sent this small remembrance of that great affection he bears you, desiring you to eat them for his sake. Whereupon I seeming to be much troubled, said to him, Pray tell your Master that I thought he had sufficiently known that I am engaged too far to the Gentleman, not to accept of his courtesies, and I for my own part thought he had more of virtue, then by these and such like means to seek to violate the chaste purposes of honest Matrons, and so thus tell him. Then did I kiss and hug may Merchant, making him believe that he was the sole loadstone of my affections, which he did as readily believe for a truth, as I was willing at any time to tell a lie for my own profit. He was so taken with this may feigned constancy, that the next day he clothed me in rich new apparel.  Ant. 
How strangely was this fool deceived. For that Woman that prostrates herself to every one, cannot truly love any.  Thais. 
Seeing him so bravely deluded, I farther told him, that I had rejected seven Counts and Lords (before this Spanish Don) and all for his dear sake. When he at any time lay with me, than would I laugh hearty, saying I cannot choose but pity a young Gentleman that waits my coming now in such a place, an other in such a place, whom I have all purposely deceived that they might not interrupt our pleasures. The fool was so overjoyed at it, that he doubled my pension, and rewarded my affection with several rich gifts. Now was it high time to feign myself with child. Therefore I continually would pretend to have qualms come over my stomach, if I did eat any thing, I would vomit it up. I would complain I had lost my taste, all sweet things seeming bitter to me. At length I would eat nothing but what was extraordinary rare and dainty; sometimes I would long, you may be sure not for very common things. NOw he concluded I was with child, and his belief was confirmed by an affirmative judgement of a Dr. of Physic whom he asked; at which he was not a little joyed. Now was his whole mind taken up in providing Godfathers, and all things necessary for my lying in. Neither was there any thing (that I but named) which I had not. I think if I would have had one of his eyes I should, rather than to have miscarried. When I thought I had sufficience of both goods and money, than did I cause my Mother to go to him, and with a sad countenance tell him, that I fell by a mischance and had miscarried, and with all that I was very ill upon it. He was like to run distracted upon this ill news. And being not able to rest quiet, he came to me that we might mutually condole the loss. When I thought I had lamented enough, I began to comfort him by the hopes of having another, and so at last he rested quiet. A little after this, there was a bragging Soldier did often visit me, so furious he was that his very sight would have frighted a Woman. This Rhodomontado, or Hobgoblin Soldier having enriched himself by Plunder, thought no place better to spend his ill gotten goods in, then in my House. After we had spent some part of his money in riot and pleasure, I bethought myself, how I might have the other par●●or my proper use. And thus it was, I appointed an Hector to come and demand of me ten pieces for linen cloth I bought of him, at such a time when this amorous Thraso was with me. He comes (as fortune would have it) when we were in the midst of our dalliances, and requires of me this ten pound, I presently told him he should have it, whereupon I bade my Maid fetch it out of such a Trunk, and so gave her a false key, after a little while, she came to me, and told me that she could not unlock it. I seeming to be very angry, asked her whither like a baggage she had spoilt the lock? and so went myself with my Lover, but neither of us could open it, whereupon I desired him (rather than to break open the lock) to lend me ten pieces, which he did pay to my Hectorian Linen-draper. Now did I pretend that I had left the right key at a Neighbour's House, whereupon I told him I would go and fetch it, and so repay him his money. But I staying somewhat long (according as I intended) he would have broken open my Trunk; Now my Maid a subtle young Whore, perceiving his intent, cried out, thiefs, thiefs, the Neighbours hearing it, ran into my house, seized on the fellow in the action, and sodragged him to Prison, who I think by this time is gone to Hell in a string.  Ant. 
Now I remember I served a Country fellow as bad a trick; for coming into this City, & having not usually seen extraordinary beauties, it chanced the first he could affect, was myself; whereupon, that he might court me nobly, he sold his Vineyard, amounting to a hundred pound, which was his whole estate; I seeing the money, I pretend to like the man wonderfully, praising him, and protesting to him, that his handsomeness and good qualities, had so conquered my heart, as that I was very willing to be his obedient wife. The Man hearing this, buys all sorts of householdstuff immediately, not sparing any cost, either to delight the eye, or voluptuously to please the palate. So that in a short time his Money was almost consumed. Now to rid my hands of him, I did cause my Champion (which I kept for such purposes) to come when my Lover was with me, and pretending to be his Rival, draws upon him, making a pass or two at him, but giving him liberty enough to fly, if he so pleased, which he did very willingly, the other calling after him, saying that if ever he found him there again, he would make him meat for Crows; and I think he was so terrified at these menaces, that I never saw him after. Thus have I made one nail drive out another, and so serve my own ends by both.  Thais. 
When my Lovers at any time came to sup with me, I would be very careful not to want either Cards, Dice, or Tables, or some other Game, to cheat these fools of their moneys: for I was well versed in all the arts of Gaming. Having supped, I would ask them to play a Game at Cards, for a Sack-Posset, Sweetmeats, or the like: But I would not play unless they played likewise for dry Money. At which I would very often be a very great winner; for to draw on some well-feathered Goose, I would wilfully lose, but to be sure I would at last suck his pockets dry. Notwithstanding, they would at other times adventure to play with me, for Gamesters can aswell abstain from playing, as a Woman can turn constant and faithfull●… But still they had the same bad success.  Ant. 
But I do not a little admire, how thou couldst give content to such a number of men? whereas no doubt many of them, had the same desire to enjoy thee, in one and the same night.  Thais. 
I brought I to pass easily enough, first for my pleasure sake, for what Woman is so affectionate, a● to be satisfied with one Man. Surely it would require the strength of Atlas' shoulders, and Hercules his back, to stand to so hard a task, as the satisfying of the amorous emotions of a lustful Woman. And secondly for my very great profit; for by contenting them all, all of them enriched my purse. Having given me his dose of pleasure; with whom I lay in bed withal, I would complain of some pain I could not lie quiet for, and so rising, would go to one that expected me, after I had done with him, I would pretend I must go ease nature, and to enjoy another; nay many times I would admit of the presence of one of my Lovers, whilst an other lay sleeping by me.  Ant. 
In good faith I could never be so confident and bold, fear injecting into my mind a hundred obstacles. But this I did on a time, when all my Lovers were feasting and drinking at my house, in the midst of our jollity, I seemingly fell sick of a desperate disease, falling immediately into a swound: Every one flocks about me immediately, assisting me in the best way he could. My Maid she ran away for a Doctor (whom I had afore acquainted with my intended plot) he came in very great haste, & presently felt my pulse. but I ●old him I had more need of the help of a spiritual Physician, and thereupon I fetched a deep sigh. Upon this he (taking notice of a conple that were extraordinary busy about me) called them aside. telling them that I was a Dead Woman, unless some pery precious things were gotten for me. Every one upon that strove who should expend most. I cannot remember half the medicines he prescribed, of very small worth, but told them, that they were nothing but dissolved pearls, and most precious Arabian unguents. And to finish the ever told them all, that unless he could have ten pieces of Gold (at the least) to dissolve for a Cordial for me, all that he had done before was in vain. Whereupon, instead of ten pieces, every one gave singly ten. Thus did my Doctor heal me to the contentment of my Lovers, and the profit of ourselves. I had skill to inchant my Lovers to me, far beyond the art of either Philosophers, Chemists, Astrologers, nay Negromancers; far beyond that foolish thing of making a Candle of Man's Grease, Herbs dried in the shade, Nails of the dead, or any other Magical incantations. I would but kiss and embrace my Lovers, or let them anoint themselves with a precious Balm I have, they presently became so stuppefied, that they did as much adore as affect me.  Ant. 
Since (Sister) it's our trade, why should not we be as subtle in it as we may. Many times you know we meet with losses: as some fellows come, and eat and drink with us very freely, and when the reckoning is to be paid, they swear they left their Money at home, and therefore we are enforced to trust them, other times we are carried abroad by hectorian blades, and are either stripped of what is valuable, or left as a pledge for the reckoning. Ill gotten goods seldom prosper.  Thais. 
My chiefest gain came in by Servants; for as many of them knew not the getting of what money they had, so were they as willing to part from it; all the care they took, was to get time to spend what they had gotten. I would be sure to take notice of what profession each was of, and so accordingly would I proportion my demands. I would hug, kiss, embrace and flatter the Milliner out of Ribbons, Hoods, Scarves, and Gloves: The Goldsmith I would promise a night's lodging for either Rings or a piece of Plate, and to be sure I would get something of every one; if I found any of them to be wary, I would lay him down one half for his Commodity, with a promise to pay him the other half, within such a time, though I never intended to do it, knowing well he could take no rigorous course against me, for fear of my discrediting him to his Master. One above the rest, did I cheat extraordinarily. He was so choleric, as it was impossible for any one to be more; in so much, that if a Fly did but settle on his nose, he would thunder out his execrations o me; and then again his passion being over, he would cringe to me like a Water-spaniel, and withal make a reparation by gifts, for the wrong he had done me in words. Sometimes in his angry fit, I I would rise up from him, and sit down by another, protesting never to be friends with him more, (and this many times would happen by my own provocation on purpose) on the next day he would be sure to send in good store of provision as forerunners of his coming, which were his surest peacemakers, and then after bestowing on me a ring, bracelet or the like, we would kiss friends. And this was his best way, for thou knowest (Sister) the malice and hatred of a woman is implacable, it rages more, than the Pox in the bones.  Ant. 
Prithee don't put me in mind of that body tormenting disease.  Thais. 
I had almost forgot, that thou hast been infected with that plague, therefore pardon me.  Ant. 
How canst thou forget that, which thou thyself hast felt so sensibly. Besides is it possible for us that are continually in these hot skirmishes, to come off without being wary as another, yet could not avoid the blow, and so great a one it was, that at this very hour I feel the smart of it, though it was ten years since. It hath carbonadoed my flesh, putrified my bones, shaked of my hair, and it hath raised the very foundation of the bridge of my nose; besides the loss of my hair and the infection of my breath. Surely its occupation partakes much of a Barberchyrurgion, for a man need neither Shaver, nor Tooth-drawer, that hath but the Pox for his companion. It should likewise have a smatch of the Alchemist, for it will in a short time decoct all the money out of a man's Pocket, be it never so deep.  Thais. 
Some say, that the Father of this disease was a French Man, if so, than I am sure the Mother of it is lust, and as of that, so of most of all the vices in the World. So that I cannot see upon what grounds we should love it for, since it brings little pleasure with it, but an abundance of grief, pain and anguish of spirit. It's very natural property is to suck out the very heartblood of Mankind.  Ant. 
Why dost thou so inveigle against it, since thou dost both use it, and solicit others to embrace it likewise.  Thais. 
Since lust is my profession, I am afraid I shall come to extreme poverty, if I please not my amorous Customers in that sort of Ware they deal in. Though for my own part, I now grow weary of it by too much use. Nay even when my Lovers are busied about the action, I hardly think on it, for my mind is either busied about some one of my friends, whom I must shortly cheat, or about himself in cunningly picking his pocket. If he perceived my theft, I would put it of with a jest, telling him he should next time for it have a passage in Venus' Boat gratis, which would please the fool for the present, but he found oftentimes his expectations crossed, for I would not suffer him to open my Lock without his silver Key. But now I shall tell you a merry trick I did put upon three Men at once. There was one a Painter & two Cutlers, which were extraordinarily amorous of me, but at great enmity one with the other as rivals. I studied with myself at a time how I might make myself sport at their harms, and thus it was. I appointed these three severally to visit me all on one and the same night, and much about one time, yet neither knew, but that they should enjoy my company solely, none being present. The first that came at the time appointed was the Painter, who finding me all alone, was exceedingly rejoiced at his good fortune, and without delay falls about my neck, kissing and hugging me, (as the Diule hug'd the witch) and would have done more but that I told him, there was time enough for us to sport and weary ourselves. It was not long before one of the Cutlers knocks at my Door likewise; whereupon pretending to the Painter that I knew him by his voice, to be my Uncle, I persuaded him to hid himself in my Closet. Upon this I admitted my Cutler, who seing an opportunity of privacy was on fire to excercise his weapon, but I did put by his thrust, by telling him I expected my cousin immediately; but I told him I could quickly shift him of, and then I should be very willing to make a pass or two with him. I had no sooner spoke the words, but the other Cutler knocked at door, if I should have done according to their expectations, I think I should have had enough of trying weapons. My second I persuaded to hid himself, and so I admitted the third, who came in like a good sword man, saying with a furious look (enough to have scared an Owl) O that I had now but some one of my Corivalls to glut my Sword with their blood. Now was my rival the Cutler here, I would send him as a token to Vulcan to blow his Forge; Were the Painter here I would quickly dispatch him to the Stygian lake to draw Pluto's grim countenance, besides farther mischief that I would do him. At which words both of them, (as being touched in the point of honour,) sally out upon him, and he (thinking that his bombast words had conjured them thither, or Devils in their shapes) speedily attempts to fly, but making more haste then good speed, tumbled down the stairs headlong. As for the assailants, (anger so pricked them on to speedy revenge) that both striving who should go down the stairs to revenge himself first, they both fell down to the bottom together. Now did this hot encounter renew, and (as valiant Cowards) because they could not fly, the door being shut, there was a sad fight, blood issuing in abundance from them all. At length the Constable (hearing a great noise at that time of the night, breaks open the door, and seizes upon my bloody Combatants, and so carries them to prison, where I make no question they were forced to surrender up their fury upon dishonourable terms, & were forced to live peacibely for the future.  Anit. 
I cannot but laugh to think on this pleasant adventure.  Thais. 
Now (dear Sister) having past as it were through my nonage, let me tell you some of my arts and devices that I used in the meridian of my days, having been too much wearied by Fortunes tossing and hurling me up and down, I bethought me how I might live a more stayed and stately kind of life. And thus it was I pretended (and so gave it out accordingly) that I would now bid adive to the world, by sequestering myself in a Nunnery from its rumours & manifold troubles, wherreupon I all on a sudden pulled down my Tapestry hang, and with all moderated my diet to a meal a day. I likewise clothed myself in a mean habit, stripping myself of my necklaces, rings, golden chains, and all the rest of my ornaments. I sequestered myself from all company, not permitting my dearest friends to speak with me. All my ambition now, was to be accounted religious, and therefore to the life, did I counterfeit the lives of the Saints. Now was the City filled with the rumour of my conversion: all my fear was that they would no more call me Thais, but penitent Mary Magdalene.  Ant. 
But how did you dispose of all your goods on this occasion?  Thais. 
All my precious things I did hid in a friend's house, things of lesser value, I distributed as alms to the poor. Now seeing a convenient time, I sent for all my friends and lovers, and after I had looked very sadly on each particularly, I craved all their pardons in general for the sins of my youth, I had committed with them, devoutly casting up my eyes to Heaven, I invoaked pardon from thence; after which I spoke after this manner to them, with weeping eyes. I now am resolved (my quondam dear friends) to bid you and the World good night, hoping to bid you all in Heaven good morrow. My conscience having been wrought upon by the commemoration of Christ's sufferings, enforced me to leave these soul-destroying sins of the flesh, and betake myself to a holy life, and this upon very good grounds, if you consider, that if we live not well here, we shall never enjoy happiness hereafter. Nay if we do consider and think on it, yet if we endeavour not to obtain it, his salvation is hopeless. Therefore whilst I live here, I will so behave myself that I may not doubt of salvation horeafter. I have learned that by my contemning of riches, I shall be rich; by contemning of glory, injuries, rest, and earth, I shall be made glorious, and a conqueror, I shall gain rest, and find Heaven, and then in a rapture, I pronounced these Verses; 
Rouse up my soul and let not lustful fires,  
Take of thy thoughts from Heavenly desires.  
Sore up aloft, and let the Earth seem unto thee,  
But as black spot of iniquity.  
Now I'm resolved to cloister up myself  
From riches, pleasures, and all Earthly pelf.   
Then did I tell them by what means I commenced convert, which was by reading the story of Mary Magdalene. And to conclude, I told them that I was resolved to do and suffer any thing in this life, to be exempted from those everlasting burn of Hell fire in the life to come. Thus did I preach at least an hour to them, at which some were grieved for the loss of my presence, others were grieved, because they could not seem so virtuous and good as I. The time being come that I must go to the Monastery, all my friends accompanied me thither. And by the way, some would praise God that he had called me to a better life; others, that God had given me the grace to forsake worldly pleasures in my youth, and flower of my age. I observed one (as I went) to covet to be as near me as possible, and who seemed to be more sorrowful than the rest; wherefore as (I thought) I had begun a conquest, so I would finish it on him. Therefore just as I was going into the Gate of the Monastery, I turned about my head, and looking upon him with a steadfast and peirceing eye, enough to have moved a stone, I did shed some tears. The eye (Sister) is Cupid's Armoury wherein he stores up his shafts, and standing there oftentimes as a sentinel, seldom lets an amorous heart escape his darts. My new Lover thought from this action, that those tears were dropped for his sake (every one is apt to construe a thing according as he would have it) and from that time plotted how he might draw me from that retired life. I had not been long there, but he visited me at the grate, and that very often. At length being not able to hold in his mind any longer, he declared his intent to me, urging all the persuasions that I ye in the tongue of Man to draw me out of that place. But I seemin to be outrageous, asked him whither the Diule and sent him as his agent to corrupt chaste intentions. At this tart answer, he was quite dashed out of countenance, and so departed. But (as I understood after) all the way he went, he did admire at my so sudden reformation, and that seeing me so strict, he really thought now I had absolutely banished dissolute thoughts, and now he thought I might make a very virtuous wife. Therefore the next time that he came to me, he desired to be excused if he had given me any cause of discontent, and in brief told me that if I would leave that place, and be as willing as he was, to live a married life, the consummarion of it should be between us in a very short time. After a little pause on the business, and some reasonings between us, I consented to his desires, (and indeed the sooner because I was extreme weary of that kind of life) and so leaving my devotion, I married this Man wealthy enough.  Ant. 
I believe that proverb was continual in thy mind, that says, he knows not to live, that knows not to dissemble.  Thais. 
Dissimulation is the chief practic part of my life; and therefore blame me not, if I know how to be pleasing to the eye, though intricate to the understanding, and be not what I seem to appear, but my countenance shall be sure to be framed according to the present disposition, so that by different men's humours I may wove a net for occasion. Much of this feminine policy did I make use of to wind myself into this married condition I then was in. Then had I an other part to act, to wit, a sober discreet and modest wife to my husband, not mattering whether I seemed so to others of my familiars. Now must you consider me as a stately dame under a conjugal tye, attended on by my Gentleman Usher, and waiting Gentlewoman lodged and seated in a most stately and well built house, in which you may be confident I would want nothing, as long as there was any money to pay for it. My chiefest business was how I might wear the breeches, and then it would prove no difficult matter to commence Scholar both to Epicurus and Aristippus, I was of their opinion that held pleasure to be the Sumum bonum, at least a woman's chief happiness, which I resolved to enjoy though my body and soul paid for it. My employment was to drink rich and fragrant Wine, to eat choice victuals, both at Ceres and Venus tables. At which I imitated not the behaviour of some nice finnekin City dames, that will not speak a broad word, much less eat with a good appetite (but let us excuse them in private.) When they are at a plentiful dinner, they will eat and drink very little for good manners sake, forsooth. As for me I employed all the industry I had to live merrily and jovially, and thought that little enopugh too, not valuing what people said.  Ant. 
But how didst thou get money to feed and maintain those varieties of pleasures, thou didst enjoy?  Thais. 
If I found my husband to be in an (Ill) thrifty humour, and so would not allow me what I desired, I would hearken to some young gallants solicitations, and so dresine my pleasure through my husband's horns, thus you see he got nothing but a cornuting for his avarice.  Ant. 
But did he not suspect this wanton carriage?  Thais. 
No: for when I had been abroad exalting his horn, then would I (when I come home) cling about his neck, speaking him nothing but sugared words, which he took for the quintessence of affection, and so (quid pro quo) would return reciprocal love to me. Cuckolds (according to the Proverb) are the most loving husbnds. Thus did I by dissembling handsomely, obtain liberty both to gormondize, to be wanton, and to be prouder. My devotion seldom reached farther than good apparel, for which cause I would go to Church, to observe what was the newest fashion, or who had a better gown than myself, and then go home and be sick till I had it, some body should pay fered. I could have wished there had been nothing worn but silk, satin, cloth of Gold, etc. had it not been for envy to see others as well clad as myself. I would seldom stir abroad till I had well read my face in a looking glass, that I might artificially mend the erratas; as if my cheeks were too pale, then would I add something of the vermilion. Then when I had reviewed it, and found the faults thereof corrected, I would venture boldly to show this Picture of my own drawing, by withdrawing the courtains, I mean my hoods. Thus did I trim myself, as a French cook garnisheth a dish the more to provoke the appetite to a taste.  Ant. 
Didst thou thus trick up thyself to please thy husband only.  Thais. 
No; yet I would pretend it was for his sake, though my main aim was to cause amorous customers to value the more what was within, by the richness and splendour of the bush. And this I did, knowing that one man alone is not able to guide a woman's light vessel. You know that when the spur of lust Pricks us on to a false gallop, it requires a very lusty and experient rider to set us; many times for all their sufficiency they are thrown. Now that my saddle might not be empty, it was requisite to have several Horsemen, that when one is out, the other may be in. I did all that I could to confine myself to my husband; I very often gave him caudles, cock-broth, lamb-stones, etc. for Purgation sake. But these wrought so violently with him, that they left nothing within him; and now as I was a consumption to his purse, so he fell into the like of his body, and now was it high time for him to repent, which he might thank me for bringing him to it so soon; though for my own particular, I sent it to travail; with an intent not to have its company till I was three score years old. My husband being dead, I followed not the custom of some widows, that make costly Funerals the sooner to get them husbands. But I buried him very obscurely; first that I might employ the money to a better use, as in buying good , living in pleasure, etc. and next that my husbands so shaddine death might nor be too much divulged as dying so suddenly. Besides I bade no desire to come under those conjugal (servile) bones. Were all females of my opinion, no woman should marry without the approbation of ten Doctors and seven Midwives at least, you have not heard so many stories concerning dilapidations as I have; it makes me even lament with tears the condition of well wishing women that have the hard luck to meet with those doelittles. You may perceive (Sister) that I am a Jewelless, for as I have good skill in the choice of Stones, so am I never better than when I am bulied about them.  Ant. 
But (Sister) I wonder how thou didst dissemble thy joy at the death of thy husband?  Thais. 
I bid it under my mourning Gown, though I laughed in its sleeve, I would often fetch a customary sigh, and if need did require, I did weep for joy. It requires a very discerning wit, to distinguish a Woman's tears. For sometimes they proceed from sorrow, other times from deceit, and sometimes from anger, and to be sure they can command them upon all occasions. The time of mourning being expired, I did cast of those sad weeds, and clothedmy self like a flourishing spring after a hard and tedious Winter. And now the hot rays of my beauty being displayed, they did attract Lovers to me like atoms in the Sun beams, which filled my chamber, as people do a play house.  Ant. 
Now thou art reduced to the same condition as thou were't before marriage.  Thais. 
It's true; only with this difference, that I am richer, and more experienced in the World, and so the better able to act my part in it. Had I not been inspired with wisdom and cunning even from my Cradle, I could never have expected to have lived so well at this time. I ever preferred profit before pleasure, though I often joined them together, otherwise poverty by this time had been my portion. And that whereas one such as I have (narrowly) escaped the malice of fortune, a hundred else have rotten of the Pox in an Hospital, or died out of want in some ditch. The fear of which often stings us in such a manner, as that we should hardly enjoy ourselves, were it not for hopes that our deceits and couzonages will get us estates before that time. Besides we have hopes of a trade to trust too, which requires a small stock to set up withal, only two or three Country Girls, a barrel of Beer, and a Gallon or two of strong Waters. If our trading is but small, we can begin with less, for you know the Honey-pot may admit of many flies to lick in it; But of this I shall speak more largely of, when I shall come to depaint the Bawd with her implements.  Ant. 
Pray (Sister) continue your discourse.  Thais. 
Whilst now I was a professed Whore again, I endeavoured with the utmost of my craft, to attempt any thing, (what ever it was, and how wicked so ever the design) that might be any ways beneficial; you may perceive all along my ambitious mind, for it was my study from fourteen years old to this present, how I might excel all in our profession, intending no less than to be styled their Queen. As for all kind of wickedness, I dare outvie them all, though the simplest of them is too too vild. How many Men have I robbed, cheated and undone? How many have I caused to be wounded, nay sometimes murdered, besides beat and petty-larcenies? Again (which is the chiefest thing) how many gallons of thrice concocted blood have I extracted, in those many venereal combats I have been in.  Ant. 
By the smock of Venus, (God forgive me for swearing) thou art an arch deceitful Quean.  Thais. 
If I am so, can you expect less from one that has been experienced in so long, and forced to use such devices.  Ant. 
But wilt thou never repent for these thy wickedness?  Thais. 
What need I as long as the Pope stands our friends (besides Cardinals and some of the eminent Clergy) who will speak a good word for us hereafter, he hath given me good hopes by giving me a general pardon for sins past, present, and to come. So that now I hope my soul will enjoy as many pleasures Celestial, as my body hath Terrestrial.  Ant. 
This is some part of my present comfort, but I fear me the Pope and all the rest that tell us fornication is but a venial sin, will sooner open the Gates of Hell to us then those of Heaven. And now my dream is out, for last night me thought I was dead, and as I was entering Hell Gates, I saw the Pope as Porter of the Gate, instead of his triple Crown, he seemed to have a pair of huge horns, with which he kept out a vast number of his Clergymen that pressed on him to get in, telling them that the place was so full of them already, that there would be no room for others, if he permitted them entrance, and so to make room for me, he fell a pushing with his horns, which made such a sad slaughter among their beads and crucifixes, as never was the like seen.  Thais. 
Thou makest me to laugh hearty at this thy fantastical dream.  Ant. 
It were all one if thou weepest because they are as much used by thee, one as the other, and for as little cause.  Thais. 
It is very true, for there is nothing so serviceable to our occupation as laughing and crying, to which must be added lying; which I made use of as often, as Ploughmen eat bred and cheese. By a lie, I got once a brave gold chain. It was thus, there was a rich coxcomb was even sick for love of me; this Man to seem the more majestically before me, had borrowed a very rich gold chain of his neighbour, and he likewise had borrowed it of his Wife. Now we were at that time he wore it, appointed to see a great show. I easily persuaded him (because I had a desire to it) to let me wear it at that time. Away we went accompanied with my necessary implement a Pimp; being come into the middle of a great crowd, I slipped of my chain, and conveyed it speedily into my Pimps hand. When I thought he was gone with it far enough of, I made a hideous cry that I was undone, calling out, stop thief, and because I so well counterfeited my grief by my tears, my Lover thought I had really lost it, and so seeing there was no more to be done, but to sit down quietly under the loss, he suffered me to enjoy the benefit thereof, if I would grant him some few night's pleasure, which I told him his merit required, if I had not lost his chain, and thus we compounded the difference. If it may not be troublesome to you, I shall tell you two or three more such like stories.  Ant. 
Your stories are so pleasing, that I am sorry the night's approach will sooner finish your agreeable discourses than I am willing. Therefore not to lose time pray proceed.  Thais. 
When I lived at Florence, it happened that an old dry boned fellow fell in love with me. He could not love my beauty more than I did his Purse. He wished well to venereal pleasures (as being addicted to them in his youth) though he could do little. He was fit for nothing but to sleep and snore by a woman's hot side, lying there like a senseless block. She that marries such a man may never fear of his being too vigorous and lusty, and so be enforced to say, it's enough (my Dear) for this time. This old Amorist the day before the nocturnal combat, endeavours to provoke and stir himself up by embracing, kissing and feeling me, nay he took many restoratives to strengthen his nerves. And now thinking he had enabled his body to correspond with his desires, he went to bed with me, and so prepares himself for a battery. But alas poor man, as soon as the fight began, his Standard fell just as he was entering the breach. And no wonder, for this member is as really dead as the rest of his body is a dying. It serves him, but as the Eunuch's quill for an aqueduct. Thus you see it's no propitious conjunction, when Saturn is coupled with Venus. Now lest he should leave me unexpectedly by reason of his impotency, I was resolved to have a good parting blow. Wherefore I told him that the best way to strengthen his body was to make a good feast, and there at to eat and drink freely. He was very willing to do it according to my motion. Upon this I invited most of our society about the City. The banquet was served up in dishes, most whereof were silver ones, which I had on purpose borrowed of the old man. After we had most plentifully eaten and drunk, the table cloth was taken away, but I forgot not to set by four pieces of plate, and so I sent home the rest. But the old man finding missing so many, was ready to have run distracted, and in that humour came and demanded them of me. But I told him that a little after he was gone from my house, a cousin of mine desired me to lend them her, which I presumed to do upon that mutual affection there was between him and myself. He being pleased at this, did rest satisfied at that time; but some while after he demanded them of me again, and then I told him, I had forgot to fetch them home: the next news I heard, he was dead. It was joyful news to me forth gains I received by it.  Ant. 
I think thou well deservedst what thou hadst. For my part I think if he had offered me twice as much, I should hardly have suffered him to come nigh me. The very thoughts of him even nauseat's my stomach, his stinking breath, his tisicks, besides his impotency, an insupportable grief to a woman. Again be hath his sally port almost continually open, out of which he thunders at a time at least a hundred claps, not missing one of the number, and this thunder is but a forerunner of a shower of rain which will follow, to wit a stinking liquid humour, etc.  Thais. 
Now after I had spent the summer of my life in all manner of these kind of cheats; and debauchments, the autumn thereof began to appear. And now was it high tune for me to cast the anchor of my own carnal pleasures. For since I was not able to reform and restore comeliness to my face by Ceruse and Vermilion, nor make my stinking breath sweet by perfumed comfits, my Lovers began by little and little to leave me, and therefore I was resolved to make use of the last means of a livelihood by turning Bawd. Now I confess I was forced to choose a very ill time to set up in. For our Gallants had learned by experience how expensive and dangerous it is to keep a Whore, and therefore now they went a wiser way to work, viz. by keeping in their houses handsome Girls which served as Servants by day, but as their Wives by night, and so by teaching them what it is to lie with a Man, make them turn Whores the sooner, and so augment the number of our Female traders: there is nothing that damages our Trade more than the encroachment of private Whores.  Ant. 
I really believe that thou wert the offspring of some profound Politician, and so in thy generation there was infused with thy natural heat both craft and wit.  Thais. 
It is not unlikely, that I am a State's Man's Bastard, for I know not my Father; And this seems the more likely, because (some say) that illegitimates are Creatures (for the most part) of good complexions and rare features, witty, and fortunate.  Ant. 
But what may be the reason of this?  Thais. 
I conceive it may be thus: questionless it was beauty, or some thing else that much pleased the person, that caused in him these illegitimate desires, now when he comes to the enjoyment of them in those stolen delights, his fancy being heightened, it causeth him to act with more vigour and liveliness.  Ant. 
You have obliged me much in satisfying me in this point, but if you will more, pray continue your former discourse.  Thais. 
Well then, be pleased to take notice that since I am now a Bawd, (as thou art) let us consider what she should be, viz. of a long time a votaress to Venus, and afterwards let her serve as a Lamp in capid's School to give light to Lovers. Such a one you know I was and am. Now the first commodity that I endeavoured to get was some handsome simple Country Girl, and such a one did I meet with all, both Fatherless and Motherless, as fit as might be for my turn. At first I took her home to me as a Servant to try her natural parts, but finding her to be both witty and ingenuous, I then looked upon her as my Daughter, and did make very much of her, that thereby I might persuade her to what I listed. After she had lived a small while with me, I thought it time to document her a little; And therefore taking her aside in private, I used very persuasive arguments to bring her first to chase out of her, Maidenfear and bashfulness; condemning much her niceness, and her useless scruples. Then did I feelingly represent unto her the pleasures Women enjoy by Men: adding more over that if she would but dedicate her life to Venus, there should not be any pleasure, any delight in the World, which she should not enjoy. These considerations made so deep an impression in her mind, that she resolved forthwith to be obedient to my desires. Things fadging so well to my mind, I went on preparing the rest of my implements, viz. Tobacco, Strong-waters, Bear, Ale, and any thing by which I might profit. And that I might be a Bawd of the right stamp, I filled my Chamber with Limbecks, Vials, and Glasses of all sorts, with which I prepared confections to clarify the skin, waters to make the face shine, Paints of all sorts, Lip-salves, Ointments to smooth the face, Waters for the freckles in the face, with a whole Wardrobe of such like slibber slabbers. I pretended to be a Docteresse, and accordingly gave out, that I could mend cracked Maidenheads, I am sure I mended my own so artificially, as that I sold it seven times, the loss thereof unperceived. I could cure lovesick Girls of the Greensickness, or side-akings, by causing others (because I could not do it myself) to administer to them injections and glisters, a speedy cure. The falling sickness, (because some say it's caused by a spirit) I cured only with this spell, viz. but crossing the Legs.  Ant. 
But how did you contrive a way to make this Country beauty known?  Thais. 
I went to my Markets with her, (I mean all public meetings) dressing her so neat and so spruce, that I soon got Chapmen enough for her; For some of them having much to do with such like Commodities, could tell at the first sight, she was no adulterate Gem, but an unspotted Virgin; Whereupon I had daily great resort to my House of these young Gallants, just like a company of Dogs after a salt bitch. We feasted it every meal, and lived as merrily as the day was long; And all this they did in hope of cropping of this my Virgin bud. I kept them all in suspense a good while, to the intent I might fleece them all, and that they might have the greater estimation of her.  Ant. 
But did you not instruct your Daughter, how she should behave herself?  Thais. 
Yes, I taught her in what manner she should dialogue with her Lover, how she must ask, or with what grace snatch any thing from him; when to embrace, when to kiss, when to speak him fair and flattering; and how to keep him at a distance; I instructed her likewise not to contemn the meanest, nor be too familiar with the highest, and only to be complacential to those from whom she expected speedy gain. Then I taught her the way how she should promise, deny, swear, and forswear, lie, cheat, steal, hate, and love according as she should see good. In a word, I made her understand all the art and craft of her profession; and truly I will say this for her, that she was so capable of understanding what I told her, that she became in a very short time an excellent good proficient, and would have improved herself by every days experience, had not the fatal Sisters too soon cut asunder the thread of her life, as you shall hear by and by.  Ant. 
I pray Sister tell me how she came to her untimely end.  Thais. 
There were two Sparks, that loved her both entirely well. Ah! the pillar of my comfort, the stay of my life, with thee are all my hopes and joys vanished.  Ant. 
Come, prithee Sister, dry up thy tears for a while, and prosecute her story.  Thais. 
I say these two were both of one mind, viz. to purchase her Maidenhead at any rate what ever. As for my part, I was resolved it should not be lost, but at a very dear rate. One of them proffered me a good round sum, which sum because it pretty well satisfied my covetous desires, I accepted, and granted him leave to pluck this flower, and so appointed him to come at such a time. The other Gentleman (suspecting his rival had gained me by his gold) came and offered me a far greater sum than the other, which so shook my fidelity and honesty, as that I granted him likewise the enjoyment of his desires at such a time appointed. The time being expired wherein the first was to reap the fruit of his expenses; He came, and being hardly warm in his Mistress' arms, the other came likewise (mistaking his time) and coming into her chamber, finds his rival fast linked in his Mistress' arms so close, as if of two, they were incorporated into one body. But now see the inconstancy of fortune, or rather the omnipotent power of God, that did metamorphose our pleasure and mirth into sorrow, my hopes into despair, and annihilated this my young pupils wanton deportment by death's conquering hand. For this other young Gentleman seeing so an unpleasant sight, fury and despair wholly possessed his mind, so that drawing his Rapier, he gave them that felicity as both to breathe their lasts together, and so launched out both into the deeps of Eternity.  Ant. 
Surely (me thinks) thou shouldst have even hanged thyself out of despair, for the loss of such fair hopes of a gallant future livelihood.  Thais. 
It grieved me, you must think, but it could not be remedied: wherefore now I did summon in all my wits to sit in counsel, which way was best to steer in. And this did my wit (which was grand in quest) adjudge to be most convenient for the present, viz. to gain acquaintance with all sorts of Rogues (as they call them) viz. Plumers, Filers, Cloak-twitchers, etc. and so to permit my House to be a receptacle or warehouse for all their thefts and felonies. At this time I did give out that I was a cunning Waman, or an ginger; so that if any had lost silver Boles, Spoons, or had had their pockets gelt; they presently repaired to me; whom I promised (upon condition they would reward me) to restore them their own again: I needed not to observe the stars, as knowing before certainly to find what was lost. Thus did I become a gainer on all hands, by being the Patroness, or Harbourer, of all sorts of those that practised villainy and roguery. If any of these seemed offended at my immoderate gains, I would soon flatter or drink him into a better humour, that thereby I might make these Caterpillars continue to pilfer, steal, cheat, and rob, and all this was principally to defray the charges of my diurnal debauchments. I had a great many of such Servants at this present, both Male and Female, all which I persuaded it was far better to live a short life, and a sweet life, then to live a long one, and miserable. Somes office was to raise a tumult in the street by quarrelling, and so to pick the pockets of those that idly gazed on, or did meddle in bufinesses that did not concern them. Others went to shops under pretence of buying Ribbons, or a piece of silk, but if they bought one piece, they assuredly filled an other. Others I had that were Gamesters, who knew (to their finger's ends) the exact art of carding or dicing, and would subtly let young Gulls win at first, that they thereby might win all their money at last. I had many more Sects of Rascals, too tedious to mention; all which brought me in the tithe of their cheats, every man according to his employment. But it was not long before I was deprived of this means of living; for some killed one the other: others were the Gallows tribute, and the rest the Devil fetched I think, so that now I was enforced to follow my old trade of Bawdry. Being now left to myself by the untimely death of my friends: I forsook the City (being not able to suffer the affronts was offered me daily by waggish boys; some by hooting at me, and throwing up their caps, calling me old Bawd: others throwing dirt at me, so that my face would usually (when I went abroad) be as artificially patched, as the best Lady Errand in the City:) I say, I be took myself to the Suburbs; now being willing to shelter myself any where, I was content to hire a poor tottering house, I think it was formerly a Bawdy-house, which if I had been forgetful, would have put me in mind to bewail the sudden catastrophe and ruin of my former good fortune.  Ant. 
Sister, The Proverb saith true, one cannot eat a Cake and have it too: if thy extravagant expenses consumed what money thou hadst, thou couldst expect no less than to want what was necessary.  Thais. 
It's true: But I had not the grace to consider it. I had not lived here above a month, before a dangerous sickness seized on my wretched Carcase: the cause whereof I could impute to nothing more, than the consideration of my present woeful condition, poverty instead of plenty having the ascendance over it. Being some what recovered, all that I could get was barely Belly-timber. 
By this I did it; I had tricks in store:  
I could cut purses, or pick locks: or more,  
All Highway Thiefs, Hous-breakers, or cutpurses  
Flock to my House, as Merchants do to Burses.  
Of whom I took my share of goods, etc.   Ant. 
Thou hast not yet forgot thy old vain of rhyming.  Thais. 
Neither can I forget my old way of life. Wherefore I intended to lay hold on the first opportunity to set up again; And I think at that time fortune took pity upon me, by bringing me into the company (accidentally) of a Citizen's Wife, that had newly given him the slip, that thereby she might with more fullness and freedom enjoy those pleasures she had so long thirsted after. At this time I resolved (if I could induce this young wanton to live with me) to leave of trading myself either in Rotterdam, or Middleborough, or to make use of Aretius' lectures any otherwise then to read them to my Scholars. I knew she would save me the labour of cater-wouling at midnight under bulks, or of standing sentinel at the corners of streets, with a white large apron, or of fetching a round to catch night Owls, and so lead them to some by Lane, Church-porch, or some dark entry, where Joan shall seem to such Buzzards, as good as my Lady. But judge you Sister, if they were not bloody minded fellows, to ply me with their potguns, though I hung up my white flag of truce, my smock.  Ant. 
But didst thou prevail on this Courtesan to be one of the utensils of thy occupation?  Thais. 
It was no difficult matter for me to do it. For first, she was one that already had learned pricksong, and knew what it was for one Jack in the Virgin-h●les to go up, and the other (Gill) to go down. Again, knowing what a gallant prize she was, I mustered all my wit together to gain her. For nature had embellished her with all attractions and perfections imaginable in our Sex: only she wanted some maxims of my policy to amuse and captivate her beholders, a good wit, and a handsome method of subtle discourse, she naturally was endued with all. And to speak like one that hath read in Romances, in her voice there was more music then in Amphion's lute, or Orpheus' harp. Circe is a mere fable to her transforming, not only the virtuous and precise, but even the most valiant into her adorers. And now to speak like a Poet; 
Most Heavenly face, immortal, and Divine,  
Must such perfection now turn Concubine?  
Malicious Heaven, why from so sweet a face  
Did you exempt her minds adorning grace?  
Were I a Man, and should but her espy  
I soon should plunge into captivity.   
This Gentlewoman had so much wit as to furnish herself with good store of money, ring's, etc. before she left her husband's house, which I purposed should furnish us with necessaries in reference to the hiring of a handsome and well built house, and to serve us to live on, till the fame of her beauty and parts should invite such customers as might repay what we had expended. After all things had succeeded as well as we could desire, we wanted yet one thing more, viz. a servant that might likewise serve for a Doxy of the second rank, that might entertain those of an inferior rank and quality. A beggar-maide happened to come to our door for an alms, whom I observed to have a very handsome face though overshadowed with dirt, and a well proportioned body, this Maid I thought to be as fit for my turn as might be. Whereupon I took her in, and new-clothed her, after she had well-washed herself, and having served me somewhile, I told her in what way she must expect to live, if she was my servant, and with all I told her, if she would consent to it, she should want nothing that was either profitable or pleasant, silk gowns, she should have for the very taking up: and then giving her some documents, I soon fitted her for my trade. I'll tell you a pretty story of a trick she did almost as soon as she came, which did please me the more, as foreseeing therein her extraordinary petulant and wanton humour: and thus it was: Being at a play with me, there was a Jack-Tumbler (as they call him) which showed a great many Hocus tricks, as those also of activity and agility of body, which so delighted her as that coming home she was continually talking of what she had seen. Being in bed with me, she began in her sleep to mumble something, and then would tumble up and down: at length she had got her leg over her shoulder, and in striving to reduce it, she fell over the bed on the flore: at which sudden noise I awoke, but found my girl missing, neither knew I where to grope for her being it was midnight. Whereupon I lighted a candle, and coming up to look for her, (good God never so scared was I in my life) I found her trust up as round as a football, looking through her legs, as if her head had been placed where her— should have been. Now not knowing what to think of it, I called in some of my neighbours, who came in both Male and Female, and seeing her in that posture, some thought she had been possessed with the Devil, others this, and some that, but I am sure we were all of us shrewdly afraid to see so many holes open, and she staring over them: at length (I being more truly valiant than the rest, stepped forth and assisted her to remove her leg, which soon dispossessed her of this Hocus Pocus Devil.  Ant. 
There was laughing enough (I dare warrant) at this fatal accident.  Thais. 
I that there was, and too much in a young Lad that stood by, which his evil sent did too too foully bewray.  Ant. 
Hadst thou but carried about this Girl to show this trick in public, thou wouldst have had more customers to see it, than those that show a Calf with two tails, or a Hogg with eight legs, etc. but the grand question would be, how thou shouldst be rid of them after they had once seen it?  Thais. 
Well to proceed, the fame of these two beauties had so increased our acquaintance, that I repent not of my being Bawd, neither they of their being prostitutes. For compute you how great our benefit was, if we made our visitants pay for a pint of wine instead of a quart. And in short, what ever they sent for out of my house, I would take my toll out of it, before i● should come to them: notwithstanding I made them pay sound for fowling my linen, as also for candles burnt in their company, nay I would reckon in likewise six pence at least, for every hour I had lost of my natural rest. Sometimes my poor Gulls would admire at their great reckon, which perhaps they tasted of but one sort of meat served up in several dishes, I mean pipes of Tobacco. Yet these our immoderate gains may be in some measure excused, if you consider at what a high rate we live, whither we have trading or not: besides the cost we are at for paints, perfumes, gay , the rent of a stately house, though it may be the furniture costs us little, you know how.  Ant. 
I do so, For I conceive all of our profession, though they use a various method of gaining, yet the way is all one in effect.  Thais. 
Now as I told you, though we had a full trade, yet did I make my two Doxies serve. My Citizen's Wife, she was now resolved to admit of none less than a Gentleman, as thinking it beneath her, since she had forgotten her common epithet, Mistress, and assumed that which was more honourable, Madam, which she did make all her Lovers believe as currant, though she was the Wife but of an ordinary (cornuted) tradesman.  Ant. 
Now thou talkest of cornuting, thou puttest me in mind of most of our Citizens. But prithee tell me why is it that they are said to wear By-Hornes, and not Unicorns.  Thais. 
The reason (as I suppose) may be deduced from the posture a Man's Wife lieth in, when she is cornuting him, viz. her legs displayed, and not from the virile instrument that is the causer of it. You may as well ask the reason why the poor harmless Man should wear them on his head, and not the Wife for doing the fact: If you consider the Man as the Woman's head, the question is resolved.  Ant. 
Thou art still a notable wag. But prithee prosecute thy story of this City-Curtezan.  Thais. 
According to her title (when she went abroad) was she both attired and attended; and with very great respect was she observed at home, when any of her Lovers was present. Her Man (alias Pimp) stood continually bare before her, and there was none in the house durst say otherwise then (when she wanted any thing) what is your Ladyship's pleasure, & c? If any Gentleman demanded to see her, (before admittance) she would be sure to consult with her Glass for the amendment of the Erratas of her face. She seldom stood at the window but to entice in some prey, which she could very artificially do by amorous glances, or by looks, which seened as if she languished for love of the party passing by. Once when she was standing at the window, there happened to pass by a very spruce Gallant, who observed her very much, but seeing that her eye could not prevail on him, she thought on another trick that should, for dropping her handkerchief out at the window, she aimed it to fall on his head; whereupon she desired of him that favour as to reserve it till she should come down, and ease him of his charge. As soon as she appeared at the door, he presented it to her with great submission: (she had the better opportunity to act this her plot by his slow, yet stately pace, for he was much afraid of dirting his silk stockings, and Leg ruffs.) Now after she had courteously thanked him for that favour, she desired him to walk in, that thereby she might have occasion to show her further gratefulness, by endeavouring to transcend his expectations by his welcome. He was not able to refuse so gracious a favour from so sweet a creature, especially having now his heart conquered by her all-conquering beauteous perfection. This first visit was the Mother of many more, so that in a short time, he was her professed lover. Now all his business was, how he might contrive a means to enjoy her, as being reduced to such a condition by her agreeable and pleasing conversation, as nothing could please him with out it, nor reason persuade. 
If one by reason seek for to suppress.  
That heat love gives, the greater is th'excess.   Ant. 
Yet I must tell you, were I a Man, I should loathe a common lip, were it dipped as deep in vermilion as is Aurora's cheeks, whose colour the Sun new dies every morning: for my part, I wonder at the folly of some Men, that can affect such a one, that affects none, but for their money, and so Tom Tinker may have admittance as well as a Gentleman. Besides what pleasure can a man enjoy with such a one, who hath lost the sense of feeling almost in that place, which should be most sensible, and which is worse (by using it so often) it becomes no better than a Jakes, for every rascal to disburden himself therein.  Thais. 
If you thus interrupt me continually, I shall want time to finish my narration. Now I say as for her part, her mind was busied in something else, viz. how she might make a prey of him; (for knowing him to be wealthy) she was resolved to make him pay dear for sin, if he had a desire to commit it: which he resolved to do, if money would bring it to pass. And it seems it was that which prepared his way for him: for he no sooner gave her some angels with a promise of more, but she presently subjected herself to his pleasure. It was my hap to be in the room in which they were to be in action, but I could not choose but smile at a jest she put upon him: It was thus, just as he had planted his piece to shoot her between wine and water, it seems she had seen some defect, whereupon said she, poop Mr. Gunner your Linstock is too short, and therefore I fear you will hardly give fire without burning your fingers: which he did not much mind, his thoughts being preoccupied about the work. Now you shall hear how fatal that bout was to him; in reference to which you must understand, that there was a boisterous Captain which did love her exceedingly; insomuch that I have often heard him say, nay swear, that he would assuredly be the death of him, that should utter a word in way of love to her. Now it happened that this Rodomantado being half drunk, came to my house at this very time. Seeing him coming in at my doors, I ran up to give them notice there of: our time being short for the hiding of the Gentleman, she made no more ado, but put him under her farthingale, which was very large. He was no sooner conveyed under, but my Captain enters the chamber: His first salutations were a company of oaths and vows, that if any arm should be so bold to clip her naked, but his martial arms, he would soon consume it with his rage; let him be what he will, (saith he) there's none dare cope with me that was bred and born among the thunder and lightning of cannons, that was continually encountered with bullets, as a Knight of the blade is with drops of rain, or a shower of hail stones. Now just as he was about to embrace her, he smelled an unsavoury sent; whereupon he swore that my girl had— herself. But you may be pleased to understand that this amorist (lying latent under her coats, & hearing such fatal threaten against himself) I say fear made him utter that which was his betrayer. This Captain being now not able to endure such an affront put upon him, took the boldness to Kick his Love, thinking by that means to remove her, that thereby she might have an opportunity to cleanse herself, but in so doing he Kicked his corrival from under her farthingale: at first he was much amazed, to see her cast her Whelp in such a manner, but after he had recollected his senses, he began to discharge his wrath on his pitiful and all— corrival in these terms, what's here? an atom; a stinking worm, that endeavours to with stand and keep back the shot of my cannons and demi culverins. And now when I am come (after I have made a breach) to make my entry with my charging pike, and have you treacherously surprised her fort. Are not her Bulwarks, Trenches, Mines, Countermines, Ditches and Waterworkes mine, and must you seek a propriety in them? After he had vented all his fury in this manner against him, in words, he thought good likewise that his adversary should feel it, wherefore after he had given him some of that precious unguent, named unguentum baculinum, he tumbled him down the stairs to provide for his future security. After he had rid himself of all inconveniences, as he thought, he came to his Mistress fully resolved at least to try, if he could break a lance with her: But she was not so minded, as knowing him to be penniless, and that seeing there was little benefit to be expected from his company, she desired him to departed, being an unseasonable time of night, which he took in such great disdain, as that he became outrageous, in so much that he did cudgel our coats all round. Whereupon I advertised the watch (as seeing no better way) who eased us of all further trouble with him. By this it is evident, what great care we take of them, that oft times spend their whole estates on us.  Ant. 
As for my part, Sister (it's not unknown unto you) I count it a piece of wisdom to put of that garment which will be no longer serviceable unto me; and I think it no less, to be willing to leave the company of a poor Gentleman for that of a rich one, and so of your niggard or shark, for that of a noble and free nature, such as are young hairs, Merchant's men, Knights Errants, etc.  Thais. 
It's very true Sister, according to my judgement, otherwise I had not been so sedalous in forbidding and keeping of unprofitable Hangers on from my house. For I was resolved none should therein enter, but he should pay toll before he went out, or offer up something on the altars of Venus that may be profitable to her servants. But as I was telling you, the manner how I rid myself of this captain, so let me tell you I could not do it so absolutely, but that he visited me again: and now seeing that I must of necessity be troubled with him, I plotted how I might make mine advantage of him. Money I know he had none, as knowing he had lavishly squandered it away in our company, wherefore in fair terms I told him that he might frequent our house as often and as freely as even. But with all I told him, it would be very requisite for him to lay a side his jealous humour, and comply with those that should pretend love to his love, helping them to the accomplishment of their Lusts, and assist me to make them dear pay for it. I advised him sometimes to officiate as a Pimp, sometimes as a Hector, othertimes as a husband to cloak her vicious actions. I soon persuaded him to yield to my demands, after I had epitomised to him the various ways of our gaining, and pleasure, of both which I assured him be should be partaker with us. I lodged him in my house to be ready on all occasions, viz. If any refused to pay Reckoning, he might (with his Com-rogue) enforce them to it: if any came in over charged with money, he might ease them of their burden, etc. Had it not been for his assistance, we had missed of many a gallant prize: to relate all the several cheats, and trappanning we acted through his means, it would be a thing too tedious for you to hear, and to me irksome to relate, as now loathing (as I hope you do) my former courses, for which I shall desire the assistance of the Almighty to help me to repent seriously for them. Wherefore I say, for brevity sake, I shall only assert one trick we served a French Gentleman: Which was thus, seeing a country girl I had standing at the door, he was extremely in love with her; for though she was borne of poor parentage, yet had she an excelling beauty, which the neatness and gallantness of her habit did much augment. At first to ingraciate himself into her favour, he did use to send her amorous letters, and sometimes verses, accompanied with some token (oft times) of his love. Among the rest a copy as I remember was to this effect; which our Champion seeing, and having drenched his wits in wine, would by all means write an answer to it for our private mirth; and therefore I shall let you participate of some of it in the rehearsal of the one with the other; 

1  
Madam, some beauties have the power  
To make one lovesick for an hour;  
It may be for a day or two:  
But so to captivate a heart  
That it should never never part  
Alone that art remains in you.  

Ans.  
Some buttocks, Madam, have the power  
To— some four times in an hour,  
By Physic some a day or two:  
But for to— to have a tail,  
That at all times shall never fail,  
One such alone belongs to you.    

2  
Though other beauties have the skill,  
By tempting frowns a heart to kill,  
And by degrees a soul undo,  
And in a twinkling of an eye,  
At once to bid one look and die:  
Madam that art remains in you.  

Ans.  
Though by degrees some have the skill,  
By tempering dung a Jakes to fill,  
And so poor Citizens undo:  
But so to dung as that at once,  
Matter t'afford to build a sconce,  
Madam that— belongs to you.    

3  
Fair Mistress to your flaming eyes,  
A heart I feign would sacrifice,  
If I had ere a one in store:  
But having lost mine long before.  
Well I may wish, sigh and adore,  
But for my life can love no more.  

Ans.  
Ye Privies whence gross vapours rise,  
Somewhat from thence I'd sacrifice  
But cannot get aught of that store,  
Far having dunged not long before,  
I for my life can't— no more.     
This was the best entertainment his lovesick verses could receive at our hands; when at any time we received any such fopperies, we made it our pastime in private to laugh at his folly. 
We value not a rush Platonic loves  
Socraticks that which our five senses moves,  
At once to sport in pleasure—   Ant. 
Surely you were not so respectless of your future benefit, as to disrespect his passion, by your Daughters not sending his letters an answer some way satisfactory in complying with his affection, or again to jeer at his poetry in such a manner, as that he should take any notice of it.  Thais. 
O not for my Daughter used to extol his verses to him above all she had ever read; to retain him still under her power; and likewise she would send him letters, which were composed of no hang but endearing expressions of a tender, jl bn; kkl; affection to him; she used to express her feigned love to him, not only by writing, but like wise in speech and in behaviour. One time I remember when he was with her she fell into a swound seemingly, merely because she asked him for something of an indifferent value which he refused to give her; whereupon she presently fell to the ground, first speaking in a lamentable tune, now I see he hath abated his love towards me, for I asked this only to try his affection. After she seemed to be some what recovered, thus she expressed herself, which I did put into time; 
Ah! now undone I am; I feel my heart  
For love to break, the greater is my smart.  
His falseness kills me: now I wish to die,  
That men's ingratitude, I no more may try.   
This simple Frenchman thought what she had said came from the bottom of her heart, (she expressed herself so handsomely) and therefore presently granted her desires: and not only so, but vowed to be her perpetual servant and lover; but as for her part she resolved he should be no longer so than his money lasted. There was not a day past wherein he saw us not, to his excessive charge, leaving commonly behind him in money (as our fee) as much as he had expended in making merry, which we spent jovially for his sake. 
Lightly it came, and lightly it did fly,  
Whilst beauty lasted, riches could not die.   
Having not a continual spring or mine of Coin, he soon sounded the bottom thereof, which as soon as we perceived, we bethought ourselves of a way to excommunicate him, which we did thus by the assistance of our swordman. In the first place we acquainted him that there was a great Lord in love with his Mistress whether she would or no, and was so perditly affectionate and jealous of her, as that he vowed the death of that man that he should find in her company. Whereupon we advised him to see us seldom, for his own safety sake. He was forced to submit himself to our wills, but could not for his life make his own subservient and obedient to reason, but would needs enjoy once more with my daughter those pleasures, that are only proper to sensual appetites. We being acquainted of the night he would come, we prepared our devices accordingly, he came attired in his richest and only garb (as I think) for to my knowledge he had pawned most of what he had before, for our use, or whither he had borrowed those rich  he wore, (to be the more respected by us) I cannot tell justly; but sure I am, they had another owner before he departed. Being in bed, & whilst he laysolacing himself with kisses, etc. so in came our Hector who personated the Lord whom we feigned to love my Daughter, and I'll say this for him, he acted a man of that quality to the life. Now was Monsieur in a sad quaking fit, not knowing what to do, at length he bethought himself to rise and put on his , and so steal down the stairs incognito (for our titular Lord took no notice of any that was in bed, but did often knock up for us, to know where his Mistress was, and why she came not to him?) But Monsieur was in a far sadder case when he could not find his , and no wonder, for we had laid them up safe before. He was slipped out of bed, but what with fear, and what with the cold, his teeth did beat alarm in his head, insomuch that it caused may Lord to withdraw the curtains, and by the light of the Candle discovered his Ape-ship, Monsieur Amoreux endeavouring to hid himself behind the hang, whereat he seemed to be in a furious rage, damning and sinking him was the only rhetoric used, and then drawing his sword, swore he would be the death, first of this inconstant and lustful quean, and afterward he should take leisure to torture that Rogue which had thus stained his honour; whilst he was thus swaggering, Monsieur took the opportunity to fly for it, and coming to the stair's head (thinking this Antagonist was at his heels) made but one step from the top to the bottom, and so ran to his lodging in his shirt (which was a long street to it) and at the heels of him followed a whole regiment of boys, which left him not till he came to his lodging. What with this disgrace, and what by reason of his poverty, I understood he left Rome, to try if he could find better fortune elsewhere. Thus have I faithfully related to you the most memorable passages of my life, and it was for this purpose I came this day unto your house; and withal to tell you my resolution, which is absolutely to abandon all these kind of vicious courses I have here related you, which though they seem to please at first, will assuredly at last either put an end to his estate or life. As you in part see by this last rehearsed story of Mounsieur, who being beguiled by the false charms of illicite pleasures, enjoyed not the happiness he had promised his hurtful thoughts, but was reduced both to Shame and Poverty: who may serve as a pattern to all those that delight in such pernicious and dissolute courses, and thereby may see that they are in the way of hell and damnation, if they do not speedily step into the path of a righteous and holy life and conversation. As for my own part I am hearty sorry, that I have thus spent that time which should have been employed and dedicated to divine worship, in Idleness, Wantonness, Riot, in perverting others, and in destroying my own soul. Wherefore now I intent to spend the residue of my life in some remote Cell or Hermitage; where my heretofore bewitching hairs shall be my sole napkins to wipe those tears of mine eyes with true repentance for my sins, shall extract from thence, my lustful & deceitful crimes will I number by my sighs and groans; and finally, fasting shall be to me instead of my former feasting, and so farewell.  Ant. 
I like this well. 
But stay; I'll with thee go, and try  
If I can so well live, so die.   
FINIS.   

A Dehortation from Lust, drawn from the sad and lamentable consequences it produceth.  
MY intent by this Postscript, is to teach the Reader, how he may imitate the Egyptian Nicetas, by sailing by the Scylla of carnal pleasure, and the Charybdis of incontinency, and yet not endanger the shipwreck of his chastity; How he may safely drink out of Circe's cup, and yet be not metamorphosed into a Swine; How he may come among the Lotophagi, and yet tarry not with them; How he may hear the Sirens sweet and harmonions voices, and yet be not enchanted by them. Now should I allege all that might be said against this lustful vice, to make you abhor it, this small Treatise would swell into Volumes; wherefore let your daily experience and observation, by the Pilot to steer your course; or do but consider the miseries that lust hath brought on Men, and perhaps it may teach you to be wise by other men's harms; Yet mistake me not, I would not have you so severe against yourselves in striving to be continent, as to imitate some, that have castrated themselves, others that have blinded themselves, because they would not behold enticing beauties; or to be so foolishly nice, as Xenocrates was, who if he saw a beast in copulation, would fly as fast from the place, as if the Devil was there; or to be as Scipio was, that married a most beautiful and fair Virgin, and immediately after the celebration of the nuptials, sent her home to her friends without the enjoying the least fruit of wedlock; this he did purposely to try how great a conqueror be could be over his concupiscence: or lastly, to do as Spurina did, who deformed her well formed face, that thereby she might not be the cause of lustful desires in any. There are far easier things that I shall prescribe you, for the bridling of this sinful passion. And to be brief, take them in these two verses: 
Otia, mensa, libri, vaga lumina, verba, sodales;  
Haec tolle, hanc minue, hos muta, haec claude, haec fuge, vita hos.   
In the first place, otia tolle, be not idle; for that's the fittest season the Devil hath to persuade thee to all wickedness, but especially to lust, which is the Spring and Fountain of all mischief, and the Mother of most vices; And therefore in some respect, it were not amiss if Draco's law was in force among us, that held sloth a capital crime. For to be sure, that Man qui nihil agit (which doth nothing) may be truly said male agere (to do ill.) It's a thing equally certain, that he that is idle, is likewise unchaste. Wherefore to conclude: 
Otia si tollas, periêre Cupidinis arcus,  
Contempiaeque jacent, et sine luce faces.  
Eat sloth, and Cupid's bow thou'lt break;  
And's torch contemned, will shine but weak.   
Next, mensam minue, that is, pamper not too much thy body with delicates; For nunquam fames adulteria genuit; Adultery was never the Daughter of temperancy. Chastity lives more secure in low Cottages, then in sublime Palaces. And as that Trumpet blows louder, when most full of breath, so that body boyles most in lust, that's most inflamed with wine, dainties, etc. Wherefore if thou ever intendest to get the victory over thy lust, strive to get the conquest over thy belly. In the next place, beware of lascivious Books, as Romances, Drolling Satyrs, wanton Poems, etc. which are too too common in all Languages, which serve for little else, then to infuse into the Readers mind, at least evil thoughts, if not impure words and actions. Ovid that grand Craftsmaster in amorous matters adviseth you; 
— Teneros ne tange Poetas.   
And yet Schoolmasters (to their greater shame) stick not to teach publicly his art of loving; or more properly, his art of Bawdry, as also Martial, Catullus, Tibullus, Propertius, which (no doubt) is a great cause of corrupting youth. Wherefore (I think) it would not be amiss for you to say with the Poet of old; 
Ite mali versus animam qui perditis, ite.   
Fourthly, vaga lumina claude; Sometimes lust creeps into the soul through a kiss, or through the ears, but chiefly through the eyes. Hence proceeded that law of Zeleucus, that punished adultery by the loss of the eyes, as being the principal cause of that sinful act. 
— Vritque videndo.   
Lastly, fuge sodales; I mean only bad companions. He that continually wallows with Swine in the mire, must expect to be in the same filthy condition. The Plague cannot be more infectious, then ill manners. For example is ever more prevalent with mankind, than precept. One scabed Sheep will infect a whole flock.  
— Sicut grex totus in agris.  
Vnius scabie cadit.—  
Therefore it's the best way for him, that is not engaged with ill companions to be very wary of them. 
Hic niger est, hunc tu Romane cavaeto.   
If he is, let him disengage with all expedition, lest use make a habit, and a habit turn to a second nature. They cannot hurt thy body so much by forsaking them, as they would thy soul by accompanying them. Be of that mind that Apollonius Thyanaeus was in, when he desired ●he Gods that they would give him such a discerning mind, as nosse bonos, malos vitare. to know the good, and shun the bad. Had I had (which I wish you may have) that admirable faculty, I might not (perhaps) now have been reduced to this deplorable condition I now am in either to make myself an exile, or be impaled and mewed up between two walls for ever. I can charge this on none, but such ill company I kept that brought me to all vicious and irregular courses. As soon as I had let lose the reins of my will to their pleasue-promising allurements, I soon sucked in the poison of their ill conditions, and so learned of them to be as export as the best of them in the perpetration petration of all manner of wickedness and debauchments. But I hope what I have said, may be enough to keep you of from my extravagancies, that thereby you may serenely, and peaceably enjoy your estates, lives and liberties. O herwise let me tell you, if you will not make other Men your example, you yourself shall be made an example to others. I fear me, I have made too large a digression, wherefore to return to my intended discourse to dehort you from all lustful actions, let me put you in mind of some few tragical examples, as just judgements of God against such, that have accounted pleasure their chief happiness; and venereal delights, the Elysium of their desires. The World is full of such Histories, but I shall insert none but what are of mine own observation. About some ten years since, (as I was in the west of England) there fell out this mournful tragedy, occasioned by lust. There was a young Gentleman, (whose name I shall forbear to register, though I do his crime) who as long as he could keep out wanton thoughts from infecting his mind, embraced Bellona instead of Venus, and thought it more honour to erect trophies of Guns and Swords to Mars, then to offer up Virginities on the Altars of Venus. But she being displeased at this, sent a fair young Gentlewoman to him, that soon converted his noble thoughts into an ignoble amorous passion: 
— Exitus acta probat.   
In a short time (giving way to it) this thing called love or lust, so prevailed with him, that he became as stout and as hot a venereal Soldier, as he was before a Martial one. And now to appease that Goddess whom before he had offended, he offered up every year at least an Hecatomb of Maidenheads to her: Among the rest he happened on a mean beauty, but such was his raging lust, as he could not rest quiet till he had erected the banner of his pleasure, on the tomb of this Gentlewoman's honour. Having often times enjoyed his desire with her, but he at length grew weary of tasting one sort of meat, and so forsook this, that he might please his sensual appetite with another. At which she was so enraged, as that she vowed revenge. Thus you see one sin, very often goes accompanied with many others. This Gentlewoman resolved if she could not herself, another should not be the Mistress of his affections, for thus she brought it about: she feigned herself very sick; and sent him a messenger, to desire him to come and see her, before she should bid good night to this world, having matters of great importance to reveal him. Being come, and thinking no harm, stooped down to the bed to hear what she had to say, but she with a dagger (which she had on purpose with her) immediately stabbed him to the heart; for which murder, she was publicly executed. Thus you see how just God is in punishing him for lust, though not for murder but for her being guilty of both, the last being the cause of the former.  
Being in Spain, and seeing a great number of people flock after a very beautiful Gentlewoman, I inquired what it meant, they told me that that Gentlewoman was going to be hanged, wherefore being very inquisitive to know for what cause, I understood it by one that had some relation to her, which I shall here relate you in brief. In Madrid there dwelled a Gentlewoman named Nimphidia, who by reason of her birth, wealth, and beauty was very much courted by most of the gallants of that City. But the coyness of her humour none could vanquish, but solely Gerhardo, a noble and complete Cavalier; they both so sympathised in affections, as that they seemed to have but one soul, and sometimes but one body. It was not long before he had completed his illicite desires. And now all obstacles being removed they never are at rest, but when they enjoyed each others mutual society, which ended commonly in lascivious embraces, which in the end you shall see shall cost them, the price of both their lives. About this time there was one Velasquez, who seeing her at Church was extremely captivated by her, in so much that nothing would content him, till he had revealed, his affections to Nimphidia; which having done, she at first seemed, very indifferent; but after she had seriously paralleled her two Lovers, and finding something more excellent, in Velasquez than in Gerhardo, she in part yielded herself vanquished, which conquest he completed by his incessant importunity and sweet behaviour. Now doth she show herself like the rest of her sex, by being unfaithful and inconstant; and preferring her will and pleasure, before her modesty and honesty; she admitted her second Lover to enjoy the same lustful privileges, as did her first. But yet she thought good to have two strings to her bow; and therefore would not seem to estrange her affections, lest she should lose those many pleasant hours, she enjoyed with Gerhardo. On a time Velasquez found this inconstant woman fast chained in the arms of Gerhardo, which so stirred his jealousy and choler, as that immediately he challenged him the field. When at first the Devil inculcates into man's mind revenge, he makes it seem pleasant, but it shall be but as sugared pills, which afterwards prove bitter. And though he tempted this Gentleman to avenge his lust by murder, yet therein shall he find assuredly, his ruin and destruction. They both meet at the place appointed, and both of them fight with equally courageous hearts, though not with equal success, for Velasquez travising the ground, Gerhardo gave him a thrust on the right side, now finding himself mortally wounded, resolved to bereave his Antagonist of his life, by the loss of his own: for rushing fiercely on one the other, they ran each other through, and so were both slain. thus you see what is the end of those, that in love take not reason for their guide, and virtue for their sole object. Lust cannot be more contemned and hated by earth, as it will assuredly be punished by Heaven. Nimphidia hearing of this sad disaster that befell her Lovers, ran quite distracted, and being once in the heat of her distemper, hung herself with her garters tied to her bed post. Here you see the just judgement of the Almighty; Although these three persons lived a most luxurious and lascivious life, yet were their ends most miserable, and deplorable, for all three died most desperately, to the future warning of all those that shall hence forward live exorbitantly. I have heard of another couple whom God likewise punished most remarkably, for this lustful sin. It seems the Gentleman, was an inconstant and lecherous Monsieur, who being at Dover, happened to lodge in a Gentleman's house, who had a very beautiful Daughter: who being no so chaste as fair, and behaving herself more wantonly than her sex required, gave Monsieur, an occasion to tempt her, to concupiscence, by expressing his affection to her, concluding every sentence with a most ardent kiss, and which won mnore, sometimes he would present her with pleasant toys, things very prevalent to win maidenheads. At last she satisfied his and her lustful desires; which vain Chimeras of pleasure did cost both his and her life. For after they had glutted themselves with venereal delights, her belly began to be full of them, I mean she was with child. Her parents perceiving it, and knowing it was occasioned by this Monsieur, they disclaimed her, shutting them both out of doors. Monsieur perceiving she was reduced to extreme poverty, left her to shift for herself. After the fruit is gathered, the tree stands neglected. Now she sees, that had she had the grace to have used, not abused that beauty, which God and nature liberally bestowed upon her, she might have raised, not razed her fortune. But afterwit is seldom good; yet she had this happiness to be delivered from future shame and misery by dying in child bed. Now as God was just in punishing her lus; t, so he was likewise in repaying Monsieur in the same coin. For as he was returning into France, he was drowned with all the rest in the ship. Thus God ofttimes rewards the error of our youthful wantonness at least with repentance, if not with sudden destruction. Wherefore it's a virtue as equally safe for maids to be modest, as for youth to shun female enticing beauties. I have read likewise of a Gentleman, who the disorders of his youth having reduced him to poverty, was willing to undertake the office of a servingman, under a wealthy old Citizen of Vienna. He was not long in that servile condition, before his Mistress took an especial affection for him, being a man very comely and proper, though meanly clad. To which she was the sooner induced by the incongruity of her husband and her age, he being about threescore, very weak and impotent, but she not above twenty, plump, fair, and lusty. Her wantonness soon prevailed to win him to her embraces; which after they had once commenced, they made it their continual practice to exercise themselves in venereal skirmishes, the first charge being valleys of ardent kisses. After they had made several repetitions, of there pleasure in such like lustful dalliances, it happened that the old Gentleman, was to be absent for a night, and now she thinking to dedicate wholly that night to Venus, admits her lustful servant, they were both no notives in the art of loving, and theefore they omit feeding themselves with gazing on each other, but presently fell to action; in which encounter (see Gods revenging hand) they both lost their lives. For the next day the servants came into their Mistress' chamber, and there found them both dead, lying in a most shameful and beastly manner. I think the old bawd Celestina, (as the story is) with those two Minions of Venus, Calisto, and Melibaea, were partakers of a bad fortune; for they all three suffered, condign punnishments by untimely ends, the one for promoting and enticing, the other for perpetrating and committing, the execrable sin of lust; that by these examples, you may see, how much they err, that prefer momentary delights, before those that are eternal. And how much our judgements are perverted, that we should sell true rest, for inquietude; happiness, for miseries; nay even Heaven for Hell. Now this is done, when we make not chastity, the compass by which we steer our actions, and then it's no wonder, if we are tossed by billows of this tempestuous world, and cannot arrive to the haven of our bliss, Heaven.  
FINIS.