THE ORDINARY, A Comedy, Written by WILLIAM Cartwright, M. A. Ch. Ch. Oxon.  
LONDON, Printed for Humphrey Moseley, and are to be sold at his shop at the Sign of the Prince's arms in St Paul's Churchyard. 1651.   

The PROLOGUE.  
'TWould wrong our Author to bespeak your ears;  
Your Persons he adores, but Judgement fears:  
For where you please but to dislike, he shall  
Be Atheist thought, that worships not his Fall.  
Next to not marking, 'tis his hope that you  
Who can so ably judge, can pardon too.  
His Conversation will not yet supply  
Follies enough to make a Comedy;  
He cannot write by th' Poll; nor Act we here  
Scenes, which perhaps you should see lived elsewhere;  
No guilty line traduceth any; all  
We now present is but conjectural;  
'Tis a mere guess: Those than will be too blame,  
Who make that Person, which he meant but Name.  
That web of Manners which the Stage requires,  
That mass of humours which poetic Fires  
Take in, and boil, and purge, and try, and then  
With sublimated follies cheat those men  
That first did vent them, are not yet his Art,  
But as drowned Islands, or the World's fifth Part  
Lie undiscovered; and he only knows  
Enough to make himself ridiculous.  
Think then, if here you find nought can delight,  
He hath not yet seen Vice enough to Write.   

Dramatis Personae.  

Complices in the Ordinary. 

Hearsay— An Intelligencer.  
Slicer— A Lieutenant.  
Meanewell, Littleworth disguized, a decayed Knights Son.    
Shape— A Cheater.  
Sir Tho. Bitefigg— A covetous Knight  
Simon Credulous— A Citizen.  
Andrew— his Son, suitor to Mrs Jane.  
Robert Moth— An Antiquary.  
Gamesters. 

Caster.  
Have-at-all.—    
Clubbers at the Ordinary. 

Rimewell— A Poet.  
Bag-shot.— A decayed clerk.  
Sir Christopher— A Curate.  
Vicar Catchmey.— A cathedral Singing-man.    
Mrs Jane— Daughter to Sir Thomas.  
Priscilla— Her Maid.  
Joan potlucke— A vintner's Widow.  
Shopkeeper.  
Chirurgeon.  
Officers.  
Servants.   
The Scene, LONDON.   


ACT. I. SCEN. I.  Hearesay, Slicer, Shape, Meanewell. Hear. 
WE're made my Boys, we're made; methinks I am  
Growing into a thing that will be worshipped.  Slic. 
I shall sleep one day in my chain, and scarlet  
At Spittle-Sermon.  Shap. 
Were not my wit such  
I'd put out moneys of being mayor.  
But O this brain of mine! that's it that will  
Bar me the City Honour.  Hear. 
We're cried up  
O'th' sudden for the sole Tutors of the Age.  Shap. 
Esteemed discreet, sage, trainers up of youth.  Hear. 
Our house becomes a place of Visit now.  Slic. 
In my poor judgement 'tis as good my Lady  
Should venture to commit her eldest son  
To us, as to the Inns of Court: he'll be  
Undone here only with less Ceremony.  Hear. 
Speak for our credit my brave man of War.  
What meanewell, why so lumpish?  Mean. 
Pray y' be quiet.  Hear. 
Thou lookest as if thou plottest the calling in  
O'th' Declaration, or th' Abolishing  
O'th' Common-Prayers; cheer up; say something for us.  Mean. 
Pray vex me not.  Slic. 
These foolish puling sighs  
Are good for nothing, but to endanger Buttons.  
Take heart of grace man.  Mean. 
Fie you're troublesome.  Hear. 
Nay fare you well then Sir.  [ Ex. Hea. Sli. Sha. Mean. 
My Father still  
Runs in my mind, meets all my thoughts, and doth  
Mingle himself in all my Cogitations,  
Thus to see eager villains drag along  
Him, unto whom they crouched; to see him haled,  
That ne'er knew what compulsion was, but when  
His virtues did incite him to good deeds,  
And keep my sword dry— O unequal Nature!  
Why was I made so patient as to view,  
And not so strong as to redeem? why should I  
Dare to behold, and yet not dare to rescue?  
Had I been destitute of weapons, yet  
Armed with the only name of Son, I might  
Have outdone wonder. Naked Piety  
Dares more than Fury well-appointed▪ blood  
Being never better sacrificed, than when  
It flows to him that gave it. But alas,  
The envy of my Fortune did allow  
That only, which she could not take away,  
Compassion; that which was not in those savage,  
And knowing Beasts; those Engines of the Law,  
The even kill as uncontrolled, as that.  
How do I grieve, when I consider from  
What hands he suffered! hands that do excuse  
Th' indulgent Prison; shackles being here  
A kind of Rescue. Young man 'tis not well  
To see thy aged Father thus confined,  
Good, good old man; alas thou be dead to me,  
Dead to the world, and only living to  
That which is more than death, thy misery:  
The Grave could be a comfort: And shall I—  
O would this soul of mine— But Death's the wish  
Of him that fears; he's lazy that would die.  
I'll live and see that thing of wealth, that worm  
Bred out of splendid muck; that Citizen  
Like his own sullied Wares thrown by into  
Some unregarded corner, and my Piety  
Shall be as famous as his Avarice;  
His Son whom we have in our Tuition  
Shall be the Subject of my good Revenge;  
I'll count myself no child, till I have done  
Something that's worth that name: my brain shall be  
Busy in his undoing; and I will  
Plot ruin with Religion; his disgrace  
Shall be my zeals contrivement; and when this  
Shall style me Son again, I hope 'twill be  
Counted not wrong, but Duty. When that time  
Shall give my Actions growth, I will cast off  
This brood of Vipers: and will show that I  
Do hate the poison, which I meanet' apply.  Exit.  

ACT. I. SCEN. II.  Mrs Potlucke Pot. 
NOw help good Heaven! 'tis such an uncouth thing  
To be a widow out of termtime— I  
Do feel such aguish qualms, and dumps and fits,  
And shakings still an end— I lately was  
A wife I do confess, but yet I had  
No husband: he( alas) was dead to me  
Even when he lived unto the world; I was  
A widow whiles he breathed; his death did only  
Make others know so much. But yet—  [ Enter Hear. Hear. 
How now?  
So melancholy sweet?  Pot. 
How could I choose  
Being thou wert not here? the time is come,  
Thou'lt be as good unto me as thy word?  Hear. 
Nay, hang me if I ere recant. You'll take me  
Both wind and limb at th' venture, will you not?  Pot. 
Ay good Chuck, every inch of thee, she were  
No true woman that would not.  Hear. 
I must tell you  
One thing, and yet I'm loathe.  Pot. 
I am thy Rib,  
Thou must keep nothing from thy Rib, good Chuck;  
Thy yokefellow must know all thy secrets.  Hear. 
Why then I'll tell you sweet.  [ He whispers her Pot. 
Heaven defend!  Hear. 
'Tis true.  Pot. 
Now God forbid; and would you offer  
T' undo a widow-woman so? I had  
As leif the old Vintner were alive again.  Hear. 
I was not born with it I confess; but lying  
In Turkey for Intelligence, the great Turk,  
Somewhat suspicious of me, lest I might  
Entice some o'th' Seraglio, did command  
I should be forthwith cut.  Pot. 
A heathen deed  
It was: none but an Infidel could have  
The heart to do it.  Hear. 
Now you know the worst  
That you must trust to, come let's to the Church.  Pot. 
Good Mr hearsay, Nature ne'er intended  
One woman should be joined to another.  
The holy blessing of all wedlock was  
T'increase and multiply, as Mr Christopher  
Did well observe last Sabbath. I'll not do  
Any thing 'gainst God's word. I do release you  
Of all your promises, and that it may not  
Be said you lost by loving me, take this.  
Perhaps I may get you a contribution  
O'th' women of the Parish, as I did  
The broken-bellied-man the other day.  Hear. 
Seeing you needs will cast me off▪ let me  
Entreat this one thing of you that you would not  
Make me your Table-talk, at the next gossipping.  Exit. [ En. Slic. Pot. 
Indeed I pity thee poor thing, or rather  
I pity thee poor nothing. Good Lieutenant  
How dost thou? Thou art mindful of thy Promise?  Slic. 
What else my jolly wench?  Pot. 
Good sweet Lieutenant  
Give me but leave to ask one Question of you,  
Art thou entire and sound in all thy limbs?  Slic. 
To tell the very truth, ere now drop reg've had  
A spice o'th' Pox, or so; but now I am sound  
As any Bell( Him) wast not shrill my girl, ha?  Pot. 
I do not ask thee about these diseases;  
My question is whether thou'st all thy parts.  Slic. 
Faith I have lost a joint or two; as none  
Of our Profession come off whole, unless  
The general, and some sneaks.  Pot. 
My meaning is  
Whether that something is not wanting that  
Should write thee husband.  Slic. 
Ne'er fear that my wench;  
Dost think the King would send me to the wars  
Without I had my weapons? Eunuchs are not  
Men of employment in these days; his Majesty  
Hath newly put me on a piece of service;  
And if I e'er come off( which I do fear  
I shan't, the danger is so great) brave Widow  
we'll to't and get Commanders.  Potl. 
If you can  
Leave me, I can leave you: there are other men  
That won't refuse a Fortune when 'tis proffered.  Slic. 
Well, I must to his Majesty, think on't;  
So fare thee well. Thine to his very Death,  
That is a Month or two perhaps, D. Slicer.  [ Ex. En. Sha. Potl. 
Kind Master Shape, you are exceeding welcome.  
Here hath been Mr Hearsay, and Lieutenant  Slicer: 
You may guess at their business, but  
I hope you think me faithful.  Sh. 
I believe  
The memory of your husband's ashes, which  
Scarce yet are cold, extinguisheth all flames  
That tend to kindling any Love-fire: 'Tis  
A virtue in you, which I must admire  
That only you amongst so many should  
Be the sole Turtle of the Age.  Potl. 
I do  
Bear him in memory I confess; but when  
I do remember what your promise was  
When he lay sick, it doth take something from  
The bitterness of Sorrow. Woman was  
Not made to be alone still.  Sh. 
Tender things  
At seventeen may use that plea; but you  
Are now arrived at Matron: these young sparks  
Are raked up, I presume, in sager Embers.  Potl. 
Nay don't abuse her that must be your Wife;  
You might have pity, & not come with your nicknames,  
And call me Turtle: have I deserved this?  Sh. 
If that you once hold merits, I have done;  
I'm glad I know what's your Religion.  Potl. 
What's my Religion? 'tis well known there hath  
Been no Religion in my house e'er since  
My Husband died.  Ent. Slic. Hearsay. Hear. 
How now sweet Shape? so close  
Alone with your Widow.  Sh. 
Sirs dare you believe it?  
This thing, whose prayer it hath been these ten  
Years, that she may obtain the second tooth,  
And the third hair, now dotes on me, on me  
That do refuse all that are past sixteen.  Slic. 
Why faith this was her suit to me just now.  Hear. 
I had the first on't then. A Coachman, or  
A groom were fit far for her.  Slic. 
You do  
Honour her too much to think she deserves  
A thing that can lust moderately, give her  
The sorrel Stallion in my Lords long stable.  Sha. 
Or the same coloured Brother, which is worse.  Potl. 
Why Gentlemen—  Hear. 
Foh, foh! she hath let fly.  Potl. 
Do y' think I have no more manners than so?  Sha. 
Nay faith I can excuse her for that: But  
I must confess she spoke, which is all one.  Slic. 
Her breath would rout an Army, sooner than  
That of a Cannon.  Hear. 
It would lay a devil  
Sooner than all Trithemius charms.  Sha. 
Hark how  
It blusters in her nostrils like a wind  
In a foul Chimney.  Potl. 
Out you base companions,  
You stinking Swabbers.  Hear. 
For her gate, that's such,  
As if her nose did strive t'outrun her heels.  Sha. 
She's just six yards behind, when that appears;  
It saves an Usher Madam.  Pot. 
You are all  
Most foul-mouthed knaves to use a woman thus.  Sli. 
Your playstered face doth drop against moist weather.  Sha. 
Fie, how you writh it; now it looks just like  
A ruffled boot.  Slic. 
Or an oiled paper lantern.  Hear. 
Her nose the candle in the midst of it.  Sha. 
How bright it flames? Put out your nose good Lady  
Your burn daylight.  Pot. 
Come up you lousy rascals.  Hear. 
Not upon you for a Kingdom good Joan,  
The great Turk, Joan— the great Turk.  Slic. 
Kiss him Chuck,  
Kiss him Chuck opened mouthed and be revenged.  Pot. 
Hang you base cheating Varlet.  Slic. 
Don't you see  
December in her face?  Sha. 
Sure the Surveyer  
Of the highways will have to do with her  
For not keeping her countenance passable.  Hear. 
There lies a hoar frost on her head, and yet  
A constant thaw in her nose.  Sha. 
She's like a piece  
Of firewood, dropping at one end, and yet  
Burning i'th' midst.  Slic. 
O that endeavouring face!  
When will your costiveness have done good Madam?  Hear. 
Do you not hear her Guts already squeak  
Like Kitstrings?  Slic. 
They must come to that within  
This two or three years; by that time she'll be  
True perfect Cat: They practise before hand.  Pot. 
I can endure no longer, though I should  
Throw off my womanhood.  Hear. 
No need, that's done  
Already: nothing left thee, that may style thee  
Woman but Lust, and Tongue; no flesh but what  
The vices of the sex exact, to keep them  
In heart.  Sha. 
Thou art so lean and out of case  
That 'twere absurd to call thee devil incarnate.  Slic. 
thou'rt a dry devil troubled with the lust  
Of that thou hast not, flesh.  Pot. 
Rogue, rascal, villain,  
I'll show your cheating tricks I faith: all shall  
Be now laid open. Have I suffered you  
Thus long i' my house, and ne'er demanded yet  
One penny rent, for this? I'll have it all,  
By this good blessed light I will.  Hear. 
You may  
If that you please undo yourself, you may.  
I will not strive to hinder you. There is  
Something contriving for you, which may be  
Perhaps yet brought about, a Match or so;  
A proper fellow; 'tis a trifle, that;  
A thing you care not for I know. Have I  
Plotted to take you off from these to match you  
In better sort, and am used thus? As for  
The Rent you ask, here take it, take your money;  
Fill, choke your gaping throat. But if as yet  
You are not deaf to counsel, let me tell you  
It had been better that you ne'er had took  
It may stop some proceedings.  Pot. 
Mr Hearsay,  
You know you may have even my heart out of  
My belly( as they say) if you'll but take  
The pains to reach it out; I am sometimes  
Peevish I do confess; here take your money.  Hear. 
No.  Potl. 
Good Sir.  Hear. 
No, keep it and hoard it up.  
My purse is no safe place for it.  Potl. 
Let me  
Request you that you would be pleased to take it.  Hear. 
Alas 'twould only trouble me; I can  
As willingly go light, as be your Treasurer.  Potl. 
Good Mr Slicer speak to him to take it,  
Sweet Mr Shape, join with him.  Slic. 
Nay, be once  
O'reruled by a woman.  Sha. 
Come, come, you shall take it.  Potl. 
Nay Faith you shall; here put it up good Sir.  Hear. 
Upon entreaty I'm content for once;  
But make no custom of't; you do presume  
Upon my easy foolishness; 'tis that  
Makes you so bold: were it another man  
He ne'er would have to do with you. But mark me,  
If e'er I find you in this mood again,  
I'll dash your hopes of Marriage for ever.  Ex. all but Hear.  

ACT. I. SCEN. 3.  To him, Meanewell, Andrew. And. 
GOd save you Tutors both.  Mean. 
Fie Andrew, fie;  
What kiss your hand? you smell, not compliment.  Hear. 
Besides, you come too near when you salute.  
Your breath may be discovered; and you give  
Advantage unto him you thus accost  
To shake you by the hand, which often doth  
Endanger the whole arm. Your Gallant's like  
The crystal glass, brittle; rude handling cracks him.  
To be saluted so were to be wounded.  
His parts would fall asunder like unto  
Spilt Quicksilver; an ear, an Eye, a Nose  
Would drop like Summer fruit from shaken Trees.  Mean. 
For the same reason I'd not have you dance.  
Some Courtiers, I confess, do use it; but  
They are the sounder sort, those foolish ones  
That have a care of health, which you shall not  
If you'll be ruled by me. The hazard's great,  
'Tis an adventure, an exploit, a piece  
Of service for a Gentleman to caper.  Hear. 
A Gallant's like a Leg of Mutton, boiled  
By a Spanish cook; take him but by the one End  
And shake him, all the flesh false from the bones,  
And leaves them bare immediately.  And. 
I would  
Not be a leg of Mutton here.  Hear. 
I saw  
In France a Monsieur, only in the Cutting  
Of one cross Caper, Rise a man, and come  
Down, to th' amazement of the standers by,  
A true extemporary Skeleton;  
And was strait read on.  And. 
Sure this man,  
Good Tutor, was quite rotten.  Mean. 
See how you  
Betray your breeding now! quite rotten! 'tis  
Rottenness perhaps in Footmen, or in Yeomen,  
'Tis tenderness in Gentlemen; They are  
A little over-boyled, or so.  Hear. 
He is  
A churl, a Hind, that's wholesome; some raw thing  
That ne'er was at London: One in whom  
The Clown is too predominant. Refined  
People feel Naples in their bodies; and  
An ache i'th' bones at Sixteen, passeth now  
For high dissent; it argues a great birth.  
Low bloods are never worthy such infection.  An. 
Ay, but my Father bid me I should live honest,  
And say my Prayers, that he did.  Hear. 
If that  
You cannot sleep at any time, we do  
Allow you to begin your Prayers, that so  
A slumber may seize on you.  Mean. 
But as for  
Your living honost, 'twere to take away  
A trade i'th' commonwealth; the surgeon's  
Benefit would go down: you may go on  
In foolish chastity, eat only salads,  
Walk an unskilful thing, and be to learn  
Something the first night of your wife; but that's  
To marry out of fashion.  An. 
Here's no proofs,  
No Doctrines, nor no Uses. Tutor I  
Would fain learn some Religion.  Hear. 
Religion?  
Yes to become a Martyr, and be pictured  
With a long label out o' your mouth, like those  
In fox's Book; just like a juggler drawing  
Ribbon out of his throat.  An. 
I must be gone.  Mean. 
Obedience is the first step unto science;  
Stay and be wise.  An. 
Indeed I dare not stay  
The clyster works you sent to purge gross humours.  [ Ex. Mean. 
Being you will not take your Lecture out  
Good morrow to y' good Andrew. This soft fool  
Must swim in's father's wealth. It is a curse  
That Fortune justly makes the City's lot,  
The young Fool spends what e'er the old Knave got.  Ex. Mean.  

ACT. I. SCEN. IV.  To Hearsay, enter Slicer and Credulous. Hear. 
SIr let me tell you this is not the least  
Of things wherein your wisdom shows itself,  
In that you've placed your Son in this good sort.  Cred. 
Nay nay, let me alone to give him breeding;  
I did not hold the University▪  
Fit for the training up of such a Spirit.  Slic. 
The University? it had been the only way  
T' have took him off his courage, and his metal,  
He had returned as Slaves do from the galleys,  
A naked shorn thing with a thin docked top,  
Learnedly cut into a logic mode.  Hear. 
A private Oath given him at first Entrance  
Had sworn him Pilgrim unto Conventicles;  
Engaged him to the hate of all, but what  
Pleaseth the stubborn froward Elect.  Slic. 
But we  
Following another model do allow  
Freedom and courage, cherish and maintain  
High noble thoughts—  Hear. 
Set nature free, and are  
Chemists of manners—  Sli. 
Do instruct of States—  Hear. 
And Wars: there's one, look on him—  Slic. 
Do but view  
That searching Head—  Hear. 
The very soul of battle,  
True steel.  Slic. 
He hath been an Agent some few years  
( A score or so) for Princes, and as yet  
Doth not write forty.  Hear. 
I confess I can  
Discover th' entrails of a State perhaps,  
Lay open a Kingdoms Paunches, show the bowels  
And innards of a signiory or two;  
But for your deeds of Valour, there is one,  
Although I speak it to his face, that can  
Write a Geography by his own Conquests.  
He hath fought o'er Strabo, Ptolemy and Stafford;  
Traveled as far in arms, as Lithgoe naked.  
Born weapons whither Coriat durst not  
Carry a shirt or shoes. Jack Mandevil  
Ne'er sailed so far as he hath steered by Land;  
Using his Colours both for mast and sail.  Cred. 
I'd thought he had been lieutenant.  Hear. 
That's all one.  Slic. 
drop reg've worn some Leather out abroad; let out  
A heathen Soul or two; fed this good sword  
With the black blood of Pagan Christians;  
Converted a few Infidels with it.  
But let that pass. That man of peace there hath  
Been trusted with King's Breasts—  Hear. 
His name is heard  
Like Thunder, and that mere word, Slicer, hath  
Sufficed unto victory.  Slic. 
He's close,  
Reserved, locked up. The secrets of the King  
Of Tartary, of China, and some other  
Counsels of moment have been so long kept  
In's body without vent, that every morning  
Before he covers them with some warm thing  
Or other you may smell 'em very strongly;  
Distinguish each of them by several scents—  Hear. 
A grove of Pikes are rushes to him, hail  
More frights you, than a shower of Bullets him—  Slic. 
The Dutch come up like broken beer; the Irish  
Savour of Vsquebaugh; the Spanish they  
Smell like unto perfume at first, but then  
After a while end in a fatal steam—  Hear. 
One Drum's his Table, the other is his music.  
His Sword's his Knife, his Colours are his Napkins▪  
Carves nourishing Horse, as he is used to do  
The hostile Paguim, or we venison: eats  
Gunpowder with his meat instead of Pepper,  
Then drinks o'er all his Bandeleers, and fights—  Slic. 
Secrets are ranked and ordered in his belly,  
Just like Tobacco leaves laid in a sweat.  
Here lies a row of Indian secrets, than  
Something of 's own on them; on that another  
Of China Counsels, covered with a lidd  
Of Newfoundland discoveries; next, a bed  
Of Russia Policies, on them a lay  
Of Prester-Johnion whispers—  Hear. 
Slights a tempest;  
Counts lightning but a giving fire, and thunder  
The loud report when heaven hath discharged.  
He hath with his breath supplied a breach.  
When he's once fixed no Engine can remove him.  Slic. 
'Twould be a Policy worth hatching, to  
Have him dissected, if 'twere not too cruel.  
All states would lie as open as his bowels.  
Turkey in's bloody Liver; Italy  
Be found in's reins; Spain busy in his stomach;  
Venice would float in's Bladder; Holland sail  
Up and down all his veins; Bavaria lie  
Close in some little gut, and Ragioni  
Di Stato generally reek in all.  Cred. 
I see my Son's too happy; he is born  
To be some man of Action, some Engine  
For th' overthrow of kingdoms.  Hear. 
Troth he may  
Divert the Torrent of the Turkish rule  
Into some other Tract; dam up the stream  
Of that vast headlong Monarchy, if that  
He want not means to compass his intents.  Cred. 
The Turkish Monarchy's a thing too big  
For him to manage; he may make perhaps  
The governor of some new little Island,  
And there plant Faith and zeal: But for the present  
M'ambition's only to contrive a Match  
Between Sir Thomas Bite-fig's only Daughter,  
And( if I may so call him now) my Son;  
'Twill raise his Fortunes somewhat.  Slic. 
We have got  
One that will do more good with's tongue that way  
Than that uxorious shower that came from Heaven,  
But you must oil it first.  Cred. 
I understand you  
Grease him i'th'fist you mean: there's just ten pieces,  
'Tis but an earnest: If he bring't about,  
I'll make those then a hundred.  Hear. 
Think it done.  Ex. Cred. & Ent. Sh. Mean.  

ACT. I. SCEN. V.  Hearsay, Slicer, Meanewell, Shape. 
OUr life methinks is but the same with others;  
To cozen, and be cozened, makes the Age.  
The Prey and Feeder are that civil thing  
That Sager heads call Body politic.  
Here is the only difference; others cheat  
By statute, but we do't upon no grounds.  
The fraud's the same in both, there only wants  
Allowance to our way: the commonwealth  
Hath not declared herself as yet for us;  
Wherefore our Policy must be our Charter.  Mea. 
Well managed knau'ry is but one degree  
Below plain Honesty.  Slic. 
Give me villainy  
That's circumspect, and well advised, that doth  
Colour at least for goodness. If the cloak  
And Mantle were pulled off from things, 'twould be  
As hard to meet an honest Action as  
A liberal Alderman, or a Court Nun.  Hear. 
Knowing then how we must direct our steps,  
Let us chalk out our paths; you, Shape, know yours.  Sha. 
Where e'er I light on Fortune, my Commission  
Will hold to take her up: I'll ease my silken  
Friends of that idle luggage, we call Money.  Hear. 
For my good toothless Countess, let us try  
To win that old Emerit thing, that like  
An Image in a German clock, doth move,  
Not walk, I mean that rotten Antiquary.  Mean. 
Hee'i surely love her, 'cause she looks like some  
Old ruined piece, that was five Ages backward.  Hear. 
To the great Vestry wit, the Livery brain,  
My common-council Pate, that doth determine  
A City business with his gloves on's head,  
We must apply good hope of wealth and means.  Slic. 
That griping Knight Sir Thomas must be called  
With the same lure: he knows t' a crumb how much  
Loss is in twenty dozen of Bread, between  
That which is broke by th' hand, and that is cut.  
Which way best keeps his Candles, bran or straw.  
What tallow's lost in putting of them out  
By spittle, what by foot, what by the puff,  
What by the holding downwards, and what by  
The extinguisher; which week will longest be  
In lighting, which spend fastest; he must hear  
Nothing but moieties, and Lives, and farms,  
Copies, and tenors▪ he is deaf to th'rest.  Mean. 
I'll speak the language of the wealthy to him.  
My mouth shall swill with Bags, Revenues, Fees,  
Estates, Reversions, Incomes, and assurance.  
He's in the Gin already, for his Daughter  
she'll be an easy purchase.  Hear. 
I do hope  
We shall grow famous; have all sorts repair  
As duly to us, as the barren Wives  
Of aged Citizens do to St Antholins.  
Come let us take our Quarters: we may come  
To be some great Officers in time,  
And with a reverend Magisterial frown,  
Pass sentence on those faults that are our own.  Ex Om.   


ACT. II. SCENE I.  Have-at-all, Slicer, Hearsay, having rescued him in a quarrel. Have: 
'TIs destined, I'll be valiant, I am sure  
I shall be beaten with more credit then,  
Than now I do escape. Lieutenant hast  
Bethought thyself as yet? hast any way  
To make my Sword fetch blood?  Slic. 
You never yet  
Did kill your man then?  Have. 
No.  Hear. 
Nor get your Wench  
With child I warrant?  Have. 
O Sir.  Slic. 
You're not quite  
Free of the Gentry till you've marred one man  
And made another: when one fury hath  
Cried quit with tother, and your Lust repaired  
What Anger hath destroyed, the Titles yours,  
Till than you do but stand for't.  Have. 
Pox! who'd be  
That vile scorned Name, that stuffs all courtgate bills?  
Lieutenant thou mayst teach me valour yet.  Slic. 
Teach thee? I will inspire thee man. I'll make  
Thy name become a terror, and to say  
That Have-at-all is coming, shall make room  
As when the Bears are in Procession.  
Hark hither Franks—  They consult. Hear. 
That's good, but—  Slic. 
How think'st now?  Hear. 
Nay he will pay you large— lie.  [ aloud Hear. 
Pay, what else?  Hear. 
Make him believe the Citizen's his Guest.  
The Citizen that he is his.  Slic. 
Concluded;  
Would you fight fair or conquer by a spell?  Have. 
I do not care for Witchcraft; I would have  
My strength rely merely upon itself.  Slic. 
There is a way that I ne'er showed it yet,  
But to one Spaniard, and 'twas wondrous happy.  Have. 
Think me a second Spaniard worthy Sir.  Slic. 
Then listen. The design is by a dinner;  
An easy way you'll say, I'll say a true;  
Hunger may break stone walls, it ne'er hurts men.  
Your cleanly feeder is your man of valour.  
What makes the Peasant grovel in his muck,  
Humbling his crooked soul, but that he eats  
Bread just in colour like it? Courage ne'er  
vouchsafed to dwell a minute, where a sullen  
Pair of brown loaves darkened the dirty Table;  
Shadows of bread, not bread. You never knew  
A solemn Son of Bagpudding and Pottage  
Make a Commander; or a Tripe-eater  
Become a Tyrant: he's the kingdom's arm  
That can feed large, and choicely.  Have. 
If that be  
The way, I'll eat myself into courage,  
And will devour valour enough quickly.  Slic. 
'Tis not the casual eating of those meats,  
That doth procure those Spirits, but the order,  
And manner of the meal; the ranking of  
The dishes, that does all; else he that hath  
The greatest range would be the hardest man.  
Those goodly Juments of the Guard would fight  
( As they eat Beef) after six stone a day;  
The Spit would nourish great Attempts: my Lord  
Would lead a Troop, as well as now a Masque;  
And force the enemy's sword with as much ease  
As his Mistress' Bodkin: Gallants would  
Owe valour to their Ordinaries, and fight  
After a crown a meal.  Have. 
I do conceive  
The Art is all in all. If that you'll give  
A bill of your directions, I'll account  
Myself obliged unto you for my safety.  Slic. 
Take it then thus. All must be soldierlike;  
No dish but must present artillery.  
Some military instrument in each.  
Imprimis six or seven yards of Tripe  
Displayed instead o'th' Ensign.  Have. 
Why, you said,  
Tripe-eaters ne'er made Tyrants.  Slic. 
Peace Sir, Learners  
Must be attentive and believe. Do y' think  
we'll eat this? 'tis but for formality;  
Item a choler of good large fat Brawn  
Served for a Drum, waited upon by two  
Fair long black Puddings lying by for drumsticks;  
Item a well grown Lamprey for a Fife;  
Next some good curious Marchpanes made into  
The form of Trumpets: Then in order shall  
Follow the Officers. The Captain first  
Shall be presented in a warlike Cock,  
Swimming in white-broth▪ as he's wont in blood;  
The Sergeant Major he may bustle in  
The shape of some large Turkey; For myself,  
Who am lieutenant, I'm content there be  
A Bustard only; let the corporal  
Come sweeting in a Breast of Mutton, stuffed  
With Pudding, or strut in some aged carp,  
Either doth serve I think. As for Perdues  
Some choice soused-fish brought couchant in a dish  
Among some fennel, or some other grass,  
Shows how they lie i'th' field. The soldier than  
May be thus ranked. The common one Chicken,  
Duck, rabbit, pigeon. For the more Gentile,  
Snipe, Woodcock, Partridge, Pheasant, Quail will serve.  Hear. 
Bravely contrived.  Slic. 
That weapons be not wanting  
we'll have a dozen of bones well charged with marrow  
For Ordnance, Muskets, Petronels, Petarrs;  
Twelve yards of Sausage by instead of Match;  
And Caveari then prepared for wildfire.  Hea 
Rare Rogue! how I do love him now methinks.  Slic. 
Next we'll have true fat, eatable old Pikes;  
Then a fresh turbot brought in for a Buckler,  
With a long Spitchcock for the sword adjoined;  
we'll bring the ancient weapons into play.  Have. 
Most rare by heaven.  Slic. 
Peaches, Apricocks,  
And Malecotoons, with other choicer Plums  
Will serve for large sized Bullets; then a dish  
Or two of Pease for small ones. I could now  
Tell you of Pepper in the stead of Powder,  
But that 'tis not in fashion 'mongst us Gallants;  
If this might all stand upon Drum heads, 'twould  
Work somewhat better.  Have. 
wil't so? then we'll have 'em  
From every ward i'th' City.  Slic. 
No I'm loath  
To put you to such charge: for once, a long  
Table shall serve the turn; 'tis no great matter.  
The main thing's still behind: we must have there  
Some Fort to scale; a venison pastry doth it:  
You may have other Pies instead of outworks;  
Some Sconces would not be amiss, I think.  
When this is all prepared, and when we see  
The Table look like a pitched battle, then  
we'll give the word, Fall too, slash, kill, and spoil;  
Destruction, rapine, violence, spare none.  Hear. 
Thou hast forgotten Wine, Lieutenant, wine.  Slic. 
Then to avoid the gross absurdity  
Of a dry battle, cause there must some blood  
Be spilt( on th' enemy's side I mean) you may  
Have there a roundlet of brisk Claret, and  
As much of Aligant, the same quantity  
Of Tent would not be wanting, 'tis a wine  
Most like to blood. Some shall bleed fainter colours,  
As Sack, and White wine. Some that have the itch  
( As there are tailors still in every Army)  
Shall run with Rhenish, that hath Brimstone in't.  
When this is done fight boldly; write yourself  
The tenth or 'leventh Worthy, which you please,  
Your choice is free.  Have. 
I'll be the gaming Worthy;  
My word shall be Twice twelve; I think the dice  
Ne'er mounted any upon horseback yet.  Sl. 
we'll bring your friends & ours to this large dinner:  
It works the better eaten before witness.  
Beware you say 'tis yours: Confession is  
One step to weakness, private Conscience is  
A theatre to valour. Let's be close.  
Old Credulous, and his Son, and Mr Caster  
Shall all be there.  Have. 
But than they will grow valiant  
All at my charge.  Slic. 
Ne'er fear't; th'unknowing man  
Eats only Flesh, the understanding Valour;  
His ignorance i'th' mystery keeps him coward:  
To him 'tis but a meal; to you 'tis virtue.  
It shall be kept here.  Hav. 
No fit place; there is  
An old rich Clutchfist Knight, Sir Thomas Bitefig,  
Invite him too; perhaps I may have luck,  
And break his Purse yet open for one hundred.  
A Usurer is somewhat exorable  
When he is full: He ne'er lends money empty.  Slic. 
Discreet, and wisely done; I was about  
T' have prompted it.  Hear. 
Stout Mr Haveatall  
Lets be sworn Brothers.  Have. 
Pox! thou fear'st I'll beat thee  
After drop reg've eaten. Dost thou think I'll offer't?  
By my next meal I won't: nay I do love  
My friends how e'er: I do but think how I  
Shall bastinado o'er the Ordinaries.  
Armed with my sword, battoon and foot I'll walk  
To give each rank its due. No one shall scape,  
But he I win off.  Hear. 
You shall have at least  
Some twenty warrants served upon you straight;  
The trunk-hose Justices will try all means  
To bind you to the Peace, but that your strength  
Shall not be bound by any.  Slic. 
Surgeon's will  
Pray for your health and happiness, you may  
Bring 'em to be your Tributaries, if  
You but deny to fight a while.  Have. 
My teeth  
Are on an edge till I do eat; now will  
I cozen all men without opposition.  
I feel my strength increase with very thought on't.  
Sword, sword, thou shalt grow fat; and thou Battoon  
Hold out I prithee, when my labour's done,  
I'll plant thee in the Tower-yard, and there  
Watered with wine thou shalt revive, and spring  
In spite of Nature with fresh succulent boughs,  
Which shall supply the Commonwealth with Cudgels.  
Thou I first meet after this meal I do  
Pronounce unhappy shadow; happy yet  
In that thou'lt fall by me. Some men I will  
Speak into carcase, Some I'll look to death,  
Others I'll breathe to dust, none shall hold back  
This fatal Arm: The templars shall not dare  
T'attempt a rescue; no mild words shall bury  
My split spitchcocked—  Slic. 
Olived, hasht—  Hear. 
Dried, powdered.  Have/ 
Roasted fury.  Exeunt.  

ACT. II. SCEN. II.  Meanwell, Moth. Mean. 
IF what I speak prove falss, then stigmatize me.  Mo. 
I nas not what you mean; Depardieux you  
Snyb mine old years, Sans fail I ween you been  
A Jangler, and a Golierdis.  Mean. 
I swear  
By these two Janus heads you had of us,  
And your own too, as reverend as these,  
There is one loves you that you think not on.  Mot. 
Nad be, none pleasance is me ylaft,  
This white top writeth my much years, I wis  
My fire yreken is in Ashen cold,  
I can no whit of dalliance: If I kissen  
These thick stark bristles of mine beard will pricken  
Ylike the skin of Hownd-fish. Sikerly  
What wends against the grains is lytherly.  Mean. 
Me thinks you're strong enough and very lusty,  
Fit to get heirs; among your other pieces  
Of age and time, let one young face be seen  
May call you Father.  Mo. 
Wholesome counsel! but  
The world is now full Tykel sickerly;  
'Tis hard to find a Damosel unwenned;  
They being all Coltish and full of Ragery,  
And full of gergon as is a flecken pie.  
Who so with them maketh that bond anon  
Which men do clypen spousaile, or wedlock,  
Saint Idiot is his Lord I wis.  Mean. 
This is  
No tender and wanton thing, she is a stayed  
And settled widow, one who'll be a Nurse  
Unto you in your latter days.  Mo. 
A Norice  
Some deal ystept in age! so Moat I gone  
This goeth aright, how highteth she say you?  Mean. 
Mrs Joan Potluck, Vintner Potluck's widow.  Mo. 
Joan Potluck Spinster. Lore me o thing mere  
Alouten, what time 'gan she brendle thus?  Mean. 
On Thursday morning last.  Mo. 
Y' blessed Thursday,  
Yclept so from Thor the Saxons God.  
Ah benedicite I might soothly say,  
Mine mouth hath itched all this livelong day  
All night me met eke, that I was at Kirke;  
My heart 'gan quapp full oft. Dan Cupido  
Sure sent thilk sweven to mine head.  Mean. 
You shall  
Know more if you'll walk in.  Exit Meanwel, Mo. 
Wend you before me,  
Cembeth thyself, and piketh now thyself;  
Sleeketh thyself; make cheer much Digne good Robert:  
I do arret thou shalt acquainted been  
With Nymphs and Fawny, and Hamadryades;  
And yeke the sisterne nine Pierides  
That were transmued into Birds, nemped pies,  
Metamorphosers, what well what I mean.  
'tis is as jolly now as fish in Seine.  Exeunt.  

ACT. II. SCEN. III.  Hearsay, Caster, Shape. Hear. 
CAn I lie hid nowhere securely from  
The throng, and press of men? must every place  
Become a theatre, where I seek shelter?  
And solitudes become markets, 'cause I'm there?  
Good Sir, I know your tricks: you would entrap;  
This is your snare, not your request.  Sha. 
Take heed,  
He's noised about for a deep searching head:  
I'll pawn my life 'tis a trick.  Hear. 
Leave off these begins,  
You do not do it handsomely; you think  
You've met with fools I warrant.  Sha. 
On my life  
A spy, a mere informer.  Cast. 
As I hope  
For fortunes, my intentions are most fair.  Sha. 
A Gamesters Oath: he hath some reservation.  Hear. 
Yet did I think you true—  Cast. 
By all that's good,  
You do me wrong to think, that I'd wrong you.  Hear. 
When I lay Agent last in new Atlantis  
I met with what you now desire, a strange  
New way of winning, but yet very sure.  
Were not the danger great I'd—  Cast. 
Do you think  
I will betray myself, or you, whom I  
Esteem above myself? I have as yet  
One hundred left; some part of which—  Sha. 
Faith Sir,  
These times require advice; if it should come  
Unto the counsels ear once, he might be  
Sent into other Kingdoms, to win up  
moneys for the relief o'th' State, and so  
Be as it were an honest kind of Exile.  Cast. 
If I do e'er discover may I want  
Money to pay my Ordinary, may I  
At my last stake( when there is nothing else  
To lose the game) throw Ames Ace thrice together.  
I'll give you forty pound in hand—  Hear. 
I may  
Show you the virtue of it, though not the thing;  
I love my Country very well. Your high  
And low men are but trifles: your poised Dye  
That's ballasted with Quicksilver or Gold  
Is gross to this—  Sha. 
Proffer him more I say.  Cast. 
Here's fifty—  Hear. 
For the bristle die it is  
Not worth that hand that guides it; toys fit only  
For Clerks to win poor costermonger's ware with.  Sha. 
You do not come on well.  Cast. 
Here's threescore—  Hear. 
Then  
Your hollowed thumb joined with your wriggled box,  
The slur, and such like are not to be talked of;  
They're open to the eye. For Cards you may  
Without the help of any secret word,  
Or a false hand, without the cut or shuffle,  
Or the packed trick, have what you will yourself;  
There's none to contradict you.  Cast. 
If you please  
But to instruct me here is fourscore pound.  Hear. 
Do y' think 'tis money I esteem? I can  
Command each term, by Art as much as will  
Furnish a Navy. Had you but five pound  
Left you in all the world, I'd undertake  
Within one fortnight you should see five thousand.  
Not that I covet any of your dross,  
But that the power of this Art may be  
More demonstrably evident, leave in  
My hands all but some smaller sum to set,  
Something to stake at first.  Sha. 
he'll tell you all  
If you but seem to trust him.  Cast. 
Here I'll lay  
Down in your hands all but this little portion,  
Which I reserve for a Foundation.  Hear. 
Being you're confident of me, and I  
Presume your lips are sealed up to silence,  
Take that, which I did never yet discover;  
So help you Fortune, me philosophy.  
( I must entreat your absence Mr Shape.)  Exit Shape. 
I do presume you know the strength and power  
That lies in fancy.  Cast. 
Strange things are done by it.  Hear. 
It works upon that which is not as yet.  
The little Aethiop Infant had not been  
Black in his Cradle, had he not been first  
Black in the mother's strong Imagination.  
'Tis thought the hairy Child that's shown about  
Came by the mother's thinking on the Picture  
Of Saint John Baptist in his camel's Coat.  
See we not Beasts conceive, as they do fancy  
The present colours placed before their Eyes?  
We owe pied Colts unto the varied horsecloth;  
And the white Partridge to the neighbouring snow.  
Fancy can save or kill; it hath clos' up  
Wounds when the Balsam could not, and without  
The aid of salves; to think hath been a cure.  
For witchcraft then, thats' all done by the force  
Of mere Imagination. That which can  
Alter the course of Nature, I presume  
You'll grant shall bear more rule in petty hazards.  Cast. 
It must, it must, good Sir I pray go on.  Hea. 
Now the strongest fancies still are found to dwell  
In the most simple; they being easiest won  
To the most firm belief, who understand not  
Who 'tis they do believe. If they think 'twill  
Be so, it will be so; they do command,  
And check the course of Fortune; they may stop  
Thunder, and make it stand, as if arrested,  
In its mid journey: If that such a one  
Shall think you'll win, you must win; 'tis a due  
That nature pays those men in recompense  
Of her deficiency, that what e'er they think  
Shall come to pass. But now the hardest will be  
To find out one that's capable of thinking.  Cast. 
I know you can produce an Instrument  
To work this your design by. Let me owe you  
The whole and entire courtesy.  Hear. 
drop reg've one  
Committed to my custody but lately,  
The powerfullest that way, I e'er found yet;  
He will but think he shall be abused in such  
A Company, and he's abused; he will  
Imagine only that he shall be cheated,  
And he is cheated: All still comes to pass.  
He's but one pin above a Natural: But—  Cast. 
we'll purchase him; I'll take up for't; old Simon  
Shall have my farm outright now: what's a piece  
Of dirty Earth to me? a clod? a turf?  Hear. 
Because I see your freer nature's such,  
As doth deserve supplies, I'll do my best  
To win him or a while into your service.  Cast. 
If I should strive to pay you thanks, I should  
But undervalue this great courtesy.  
Sir, give me leave to think & worship. Stay;  
First will I beggar all the Gentlemen  
That do keep terms; then build with what I win.  
Next I'll undo all gaming Citizens,  
And purchase upon that: the Foreman shall  
Want of his wont opportunities,  
Old Thomas shall keep home I warrant him.  
I will ascend to the Groom Porters next.  
Fly higher Games, and make my mincing Knights  
Walk musing in their knotty Freeze abroad;  
For they shall have no home. There shall not be  
That pleasure that I'll balk: I'll run o'er Nature;  
And when drop reg've ransacked her, I'll weary Art;  
My means I'm sure will reach it. Let me see  
'Twill yearly be— By heaven I know not what—  Hear. 
Ne'er think to sum it, 'tis impossible;  
You shall ne'er know what Angels, pieces, Pounds,  
These names of want and beggary mean; your tongue  
Shall utter nought but millions: you shall measure,  
Not count your moneys; your revenues shall  
Be proud and insolent, and unruly;  
They shall increase above your conquered spendings  
In spite of their excess; your care shall be  
Only to tame your riches, and to make them  
Grow sober, and obedient to your use.  Cast. 
I'll send some forty thousand unto Paul's;  
Build a Cathedral next in Banbury;  
Give Organs to each Parish in the Kingdom;  
And so root out the unmusical Elect.  
I'll pay all soldiers whom their captains won't;  
Raise a new hospital for those maimed People  
That have been hurt in gaming; Then build up  
All Colleges, that ruin hath demolished,  
Or, interruption left unperfect.  Hear. 
'Twil  
Never be done I think, unless you do it.  
Provide the wealthiest Gamesters, there's but one  
Thing that can do us wrong, Discovery.  
You have no enemy, but frailty.  Cast. 
Night  
And silence are loud names, compared with me.  Hear. 
I see the tide of Fortune rolling in  
Without resistance. Go, be close, and happy.  Exeunt.  

ACT. II. SCEN. IV.  Andrew, Meanwell. And. 
Upon my Conscience now he cheated me;  
I could have never lost it else so strangely.  Mean. 
What is a paltry cloak to a man of worth?  
It barred men only o'th' sight of your body:  
Your handsomeness will now appear the better.  And. 
He was as like our Mr Shape, as could be;  
But that he had a patch upon his Cheek,  
And a black beard, I should have sworn 'twere he:  
It was some body in his clothes I'm sure.  Mean. 
Some cunning Cheater upon my life won  
His cloak and suit too.  And. 
There it is for certain.  
Pies take him, doth he play for cloaks still? Surely  
He hath a Fly only to win good clothes.  [ Enter Sha. Sha. 
The Pox and Plague take all ill fortune! this  
The second time that he hath cheated me:  
My very best suit that I had!  And. 
How now?  
What lost your cloak, and suit? A jest I vow;  
I vow a pretty jest: 'odsnigs I guessed so;  
I saw him have it on; it made him look as like you,  
As like you— 'Tis a Rogue, a mere Decoy.  Sha. 
A Rogue, a mere Decoy? and yet like me?  And. 
Nay hold, I mean he is a Rogue, when that  
He hath his own clothes on. D'ye think that I  
Would call him so, when he is in your suit?  Sha. 
No more of that good Andrew, as you love me  
Keep in your wit.  And. 
Speak Tutor, do I use  
To quarrel? speak good Tutor.  Mean. 
That wit Andrew  
Of yours will be th' undoing of you, if  
You use't no better.  And. 
Faith I thought I might  
Have broke a witty jest upon him, being  
drop reg've lost my cloak.  Mean. 
True, but he has lost his too:  
And then you know that is not lawful wit.  [ Enter Hear. Hear. 
Here's Mr Credulous, and old Sir Thomas,  
They have some business with you.  Mean. 
Bring 'em in.  Sha 
My business lies not here Sirs, fare you well.  [ Ex. A. 
For God's sake don't you tell old Sim on't now.  [ Sh.  

ACT II. SCEN. V.  To them, Sir Thomas Bitefig, Credulous. Mea. 
GOd save you good Sir Thomas.  Sir Tho. 
Save you Sir.  Mean. 
You're welcome Mr Credulous.  Cred. 
Come hither;  
Whither do you steal now? what? where's your cloak?  And. 
Going to foils even now, I put it off.  Mea. 
To tell you truth he hath lost it at Doublets.  Cred. 
With what a lie you'd flap me in the mouth?  
Thou hast the readiest invention  
To put off any thing— thou hadst it from  
Thy mother I'll be sworn; 'tnere came from me.  Mean. 
Peace as you love yourself; if that the Knight  
Should once perceive that he were given to gaming,  
'Twould make him break the match off presently.  Cred. 
Sr Thomas here's my Son; he may be yours,  
If you please to accept him.  And. 
Father don't  
Give me away for this: try me once more.  Sir Tho. 
I like his person well enough, if that  
You'll make him an Estate convenient.  Mean. 
He hath more in him Sir than he can show;  
He hath one fault, he's something covetous.  Sir Tho. 
Marry a very commendable fault.  Cred. 
He is descended of no great high blood:  
He hath a House, although he came of none.  
His Grandfather was a good Livery man,  
Paid scot and lot, old Timothy Credulous  
My Father, though I say it that should not.  Sir Tho. 
I don't regard this thing, that you call blood:  
'Tis a mere name, a sound.  Mean. 
Your Worship speaks  
Just like yourself; methinks he's noble,  
That's truly rich: men may talk much of Lines,  
Of Arms, of blood, of Race, of Pedigree,  
Houses, Descents, and Families; they are  
But empty noise God knows, the idle breath  
Of that puff nothing Honour; formal words,  
Fit for the tongues of men that ne'er knew yet  
What Stem, what Gentry, nay, what virtue lies  
In great Revenues.  Sir Tho. 
Well and pithy said,  
You may work on my Daughter, and prevail,  
For that young stripling: 'Tis a foolish wench,  
An unexperienced girl, she'd like to have been  
Caught by Sir Robert Littleworths Son, if that  
I had not banished him my house: a youth  
Honest enough I think, but that he's poor;  
Born to more Name than Fortune.  Cred. 
He is safe  
For ever wooing. I have laid his Father  
Out of harm's way; there's picking meat for him:  
And God knows where he's gone; he hath not been  
Seen this long while; he's sure turned vagabond;  
No sight of him since th' Arrest of his Father.  
Andrew address yourself too good Sir Thomas.  And. 
'Slid Father you're the strangest man— I won't.  Cre. 
As God shall mend me thou'rt the proudest thing—  
Thou canst not compliment, but in Caparisons.  And. 
What's that to you? I'd fain say something yet;  
But that I can't my losses do so vex me.  Cred. 
Come think not on't my Boy, I'll furnish thee.  And. 
Sir, though—  Cred. 
Nay, to't I say; help him Sir, help him.  And. 
Sir, though without my cloak at this time—  
To morrow I shall have one— give me leave  
Barely to say— I am your servant Sir—  
In hose and doublet.  Cred. 
I'll do what you told me.  Hear. 
Take heed: if that you do't he'll guess you're given  
To idle spendings, and so cross the match.  
I will invite him as to myself.  Cred. 
Do so.  Hear. 
Sir Thomas, if you'll please so far to grace us,  
As be a guest to morrow here, we shall  
Study hereafter to deserve the favour.  Sir Tho. 
Although I do not use to eat at ordinaries,  
Yet to accept your courtesy, good friends,  
I'll break my wont custom.  Hear. 
You shall have it  
With a free heart.  Sir Tho. 
If I thought otherwise,  
I do assure you, I'd not venture hither.  Exeunt.   


ACT. III. SCENE I.  Moth. Moth. 
HArrow alas! I swelled here as I go;  
Brenning in fire of little Cupid.  
I nowhere hoart yfeele, but on mine head.  
Huh. huh, huh, so; ycapred very well.  
I am thine leek, thou Chaucer eloquent;  
Mine head is white, but o mine tail is green.  
This is the Palyes where mine Lady wendeth  
Saint Francis, and Saint Benedight,  
Bless this house from wicked wight,  
From the nightmare and the Goblin,  
That is height good fellow Robin.  
Keep it from all evil Spirits,  
Fairies, weasels, Rats and Ferrets,  
From Curfew time  
To the next prime.  
Come forth mine Duck, mine Bryd, mine honycomb.  
Come forth mine cinnamon.  Enter Mrs Potluck. Pot. 
Who is't that calls?  Mo. 
A Knight most Gent.  Pot. 
What is your pleasure Sir?  Mo. 
Thou art mine pleasure, by dame Venus brent;  
So fresh thou art, and therewith so lycand.  Pot. 
Alas! I am not any flickering thing:  
I cannot boast of that slight-fading gift  
You men call beauty; all my handsomeness  
Is my good breeding, and my honesty.  
I could plant red, where you now yellow see;  
But painting shows an harlot.  Moth. 
Harlot, so  
Called from one Harlotha Concubine  
To deignous Wilhelme, height the Conqueror.  Pot. 
Were he ten Williams, and ten Conquerors  
I'd have him know't, I scorn to be his Harlot.  
I never yet did take press-money to  
Serve under any one.  Moth. 
Then take it now.  
Werme kiss! Thine lips ytaste like marrow milk;  
Me thinketh that fresh butter runneth on them.  
I grant well now, I do enduren woe,  
As sharp as doth the Titius in Hell,  
Whose stomach fowls do tyrens ever more,  
That heighten Vultures, as do tell clerks.  Pot. 
You've spoke my meaning, though I do not know  
What 'tis you said. Now see the fortune on't;  
We do know one another's Souls already;  
The other must needs follow. Where's your dwelling?  Mo. 
Yclose by Aldersgate there dwelleth one  
Wights clypen Robert Moth; now Aldersgate  
Is hotten so from one that Aldrich height;  
Or else of Elders, that is, ancient men;  
Or else of Aldern trees which growden there;  
Or else as Heralds say, from Aluredus:  
But whence so e'er this Yate called is  
There dwelleth Robert Moth thine Paramour.  Pot. 
Can you be constant unto me as I  
Can be to you?  Moth. 
By Woden God of Saxons,  
From whence comes Wednesday, that is Wodensday,  
Truth is a thing that ever I will keep,  
Unto thilk in which I creep into  
My Sepulchre; I'll be as faithful to thee,  
As Chaunticleere to Madam Partelot.  Pot. 
Here than I give away my heart to you,  
As true a heart as ever widow gave.  Moth. 
I Robert Moth, this tenth of our King  
Give to thee Joan Potluck my biggest crump Ring▪  
And with it my carcase entire I bequeathen  
Under my foot to Hell, above my head to heaven:  
And to witness that this is sooth,  
I bite thy red lip with my tooth.  Pot. 
Though for a while our bodies now must part,  
I hope they will be joined hereafter.  Moth. 
O!  
And must we part? alas, and must we so?  
Sin it may be no bet, now gang in peace.  Ex. Potluck 
Though soft into mine bed I gi'en to sink  
To sleep long as I'm wont to done, yet all  
Will be for naught; I may well lie and wink,  
But sleep shall there none in this heart ysink.  Exit  

ACT. III. SCEN. II.  Credulous, and Shape dogging him. Cred. 
SO now the mortgage is mine own outright;  
I swear by the faith of my Body now  
It is a pretty thing, o' my corporal Oath  
A very pretty thing. Besides the house,  
Orchards, and Gardens: some two hundred Acres  
Of Land that beareth as good Country corn,  
For Country corn, as may be.  Shap. 
As I'd have it.  Cr. 
How now good friend! where dost thou live? dost thou  
Know Caster's farm?  Shap. 
Yes Sir; I fear 'tis gone:  
Sure Caster's farm is cast away.  Cred. 
A jest!  
Good troth a good one of a Country one;  
I see there's wit there too. Then thou dost know it.  Shap. 
I am afraid I shall not know it long;  
I shall lose my acquaintance.  Cred. 
'Snigs another!  
A very perilous head, a dangerous brain.  Sha. 
God bless my Master, and the Devil take  
Some body else.  Cred. 
'Em! that's not quite so good  
As th' other two; that some body else is me:  
( Now you shall see how he'll abuse me here  
To mine own face) why some Body else good Brother?  Sha. 
The rich gout rot his bones; an hungry, old,  
Hard griping Citizen, that only feeds  
On heirs and Orphans goods, they say must have it:  
One that ne'er had the wisdom to be honest;  
And's therefore Knave, 'cause 'tis the easier Art.  
I know he hath not given half the worth on't.  
'Tis a mere cheat.  Cred. 
'Slid Brother thou hast paid him  
To th' utmost, though he hath not paid thy Master.  
Now is my wit up too: this Land I see  
Will make men thrive i'th' brain.  Sha. 
Would he were here,  
Who e'er he be, I'd give him somewhat more  
Into the bargain: a base thin-jawed sneaksbill  
Thus to work Gallants out of all. It grieves me  
That my poor Tenement too goes into th' sale.  Cred. 
What have I done? now wit deliver me.  
If he know I am he, he'll cut my throat;  
I never shall enjoy it: sure it was  
Your Masters seeking friend; he would ne'er else  
Have had to do with it; he that bought it is  
A very honest man; and if you please him  
Will deal with you. I may speak a word  
In your behalf: 'twont be the worse for you.  Sha. 
I'm going Sir unto him; do you know  
Where I may find him?  Cred. 
What if I am he?  Sha. 
I am afraid he is not half so honest  
As you do seem.  Cred. 
Faith I'm the same; I tried  
What metal thou wast made of: I perceive  
Thou wilt not flinch for th' wetting; thou mayst be  
My bailiff there perhaps.  Sha. 
And it please your Worship.  Cred. 
So now the case is altered.  Sha. 
I do know  
It was my Masters seeking, you would ne'er  
Have had to do with it else. He sent me to you  
For the last hundred pound, by the same token,  
That you invited him to th' eating house.  Cred. 
( O this simplicity! he does not know  
Yet what an ordinary means.) I was now coming  
To have paid it in.  Shap. 
I'll save your Worship that  
Labour an't please you: let me now begin  
My Bayliffeship.  Cred. 
'Snigs wiser yet than so.  
Where is thy Master?  Shap. 
Sir, my Master's here  
I thank my stars; but Mr Caster is  
At an Horse-race some ten miles off.  Cred. 
Why then  
I'll stay till he returns; 'twill be by dinner.  Sha. 
Your best way's now to send it; if by chance  
The race go on his side, your worship may  
Fail of your purchase.  Cred. 
'Snigs and that's considerable.  
Here, here, make haste with it; but e'er thou goest  
Tell me, is't a pretty thing?  Sha. 
On my corporal Oath,  
A very pretty thing: besides the house  
Orchards, and Gardens, Some two hundred Acres  
Of Land that beareth as good Country corn,  
God give you luck on't.  Cred. 
Right as I did say,  
Even word by word. But prithee stay a little;  
What Meadow ground's there? Pasture in proportion?  Sha. 
As you would wish Sir; I'm in haste.  Cred. 
Nay bailiff  
But one word more, and I have done; what place  
Is there to dry wet linen in?  Sha. 
O twenty  
To hang up clothes, or any thing you please.  
Your worship cannot want line-room. God be wi' you.  Cred. 
But this once and—  Sha. 
I must be gone— The Race.  [ Exit Shape. Cred. 
Little thinkst thee how diligent thou art  
To little purpose. 'Snigs I pity him;  
What haste he makes to cheat himself! poor fool!  
Now I am safe the wretch must pardon me  
For his poor Tenement; all's mine. I'll sow  
One ground or other every month with Pease:  
And so I will have green ones all the year.  
These Yeomen have no policy i'th'world.  Exit.  

ACT III. SCEN. III  Priscilla, Meanwell. Pris. 
PRay y' entertain yourself a while, until  
I give my Mistress notice of your presence.  
I'd leave a book with you, but that I see  
You are a Gentleman: perhaps you'll find  
Some pretty stories in the hangings there.  Mean. 
Thank you sweetheart.  Prisc. 
( A very proper man)  
If't lie in me to do you any pleasure,  
Pray you Sir use me, you shall find me ready.  [ E. Pr. Me. 
I make no doubt of that: these Implements,  
These chamber Properties are such ripe things,  
They'll fall with the least touch. From twelve to twenty  
They think that others are to sue to them;  
When once they've past these limits, they make bold  
I cannot say to woo, that's something modest,  
But ask downright themselves.  Ent. Mrs Jane. Jan. 
Leave us Priscilla,  
And wait without awhile.  Mean. 
Fair Mistress pardon  
The boldness of a stranger, who uncivilly  
Thus interrupts your better thoughts.  Jan. 
May I  
Demand your business.  Mean. 
Under favour thus.  
Not to use farther circumstance fair Virgin,  
( And yet less fair 'cause Virgin) you are one  
That are the thought, the care, the aim, the strife,  
I should not err if I should say the madness  
Of all young men; all sighs, all folded arms,  
All o'r-cast looks, all broken sleeps are owed  
Only to you.  Jan. 
I'm sorry I should be  
A trouble unto any: if I could  
Afford the remedy as well as now  
I do your grief, assure yourself that cure  
Shall be the birth of my next Action.  Mean. 
That cure is my request. If that this were  
Mine own suit, I had used no circumstance.  
Young Master Credulous a proper man  
( For sure he shall be rich) one whom the whole  
List of our City-Virgins dote on— you  
Conceive the rest I know.  Jan. 
Alas, what ails him?  
I'll not be slack to do him any good.  Mean. 
'Tis in your power. He is very much  
If you will know't— But sure you will not grant  
If I should tell you—  Jan. 
If you thus presume  
That I am hard, you only ask denial:  
Your expectations crossed except you fail.  Mean. 
If you will know it then, he is in love.  Jan. 
I pity him indeed poor heart: with whom?  Mean. 
Even with your beauteous self.  Jan. 
'Tis not well done  
To scoff one ne'er did injure you.  Mean. 
I vow  
By all that's good, by your fair self, I am  
As tender of you as that blessed one is  
Who e'er he be that loves you most. If I  
In any case abuse you, let me be  
More miserable than Little-worth.  Jan. 
Is he become expression? is his Fate  
The period of ill wishes? sure he never  
Deserved so ill from you.  Mean. 
I don't reflect  
Upon his ruined Fortunes, but your coldness.  
And sure I may call him unhappy, whom  
You do neglect.  Jan. 
That man, where e'er he be,  
Is happier than yourself; and were he here,  
You should see him received and yourself scorned.  Mean. 
I do not think so Lady; sure you would  
Make more of me than so. I'll bring the man,  
And so confute you.  Jan. 
It may be I might  
Love you the better something for that Office,  
If he might enter here.  Mean. 
Nay I could tell  
you'd cast him off: alas you need not hide it,  
I have it from himself.  Jan. 
Doth he think so?  
Could I but see him—  Mean. 
If his sight can bring  
But the least joy unto you( as perhaps  
You'll take some pleasure in his misery)  
You shall enjoy it.  Jan. 
I do fear you promise  
Only to raise my hopes a while, and then  
To triumph in their ruin.  Mean. 
That you may  
See how my breast and tongue agree, I'll leave  
This Ring with you till I return again.  Jan. 
My Littleworth! fool that I was: could I  
Not all this while perceive 'twas thee? why didst thou  
Defer my joy thus long by suffering me  
To stand i'th' Cloud?  Mean. 
Alas! I guessed I'd been  
Infectious to thee now; that thou wouldst look  
On a disease more mildly than on me:  
For Poverty is counted a contagion.  Jan. 
I call this kiss to witness( which I wish  
If I prove false may be the last to me  
Which friends pay dying friends) I ne'er will be  
Others than thine.  Mean. 
I like the vow so well,  
That the same way I'll seal my promise too.  
If I prove not as thou( that is most constant)  
May this kiss be, that I may wish it worse,  
Than that which is due to departing souls▪  
The last that I shall take from thee. I am  
Sen there, but yet unknown to them that send me,  
To be another's spokesman. The man is  
That foolish Son of Mr Credulous:  
Thou must pretend some liking▪ 'twas thy Father  
Granted me this access to win thee for him;  
Be thou no way averse. It shall be my care  
So to bring things about, that thou shalt be  
Mine by consent in spite of misery.  Jan. 
Be secret, and Love prosper thy design.  Ex. Jan. Mean. 
Happy that man that meets such faithfulness.  
I did not think it had been in the Sex.  
I know not now what's misery. Peace: my Fair  [ music 
Is hallowing the Lute with her blessed touch.  

A Song within.  

1.  
COme, o come, I brook no stay:  
He doth not love that can delay▪  
See how the stealing Night  
Hath blotted out the Light,  
And Tapers do supply the Day.   

2.  
To be chaste is to be old,  
And that foolish girl that's cold  
Is fourscore at fifteen:  
Desires do write us green,  
And loser flames our youth unfold.    Mean. 
It cannot be her, her voice was ne'er profaned  
With such immodest numbers.  

3.  
See the first Taper's almost gone,  
Thy flame like that will straight be none;  
And I as it expire  
Not able to hold fire.  
She loseth time that lies alone.   Mean. 
'Tis the breath  
Of something troubled with Virginity.  

4.  
O let us cherish then these powers  
Whiles we yet may call them ours:  
Then we best spend our time,  
When no dull zealous Chime,  
But sprightful kisses strike the Hours.   Mean. 
What dost thou mean?  [ Enter Priscilla. Pris. 
Only to please you Sir.  Mean. 
Sweetest of things was't thou? I'faith I guessed  
'Twould be no others melody but yours.  
There have been many of your sex much given  
Unto this kind of music.  Pris. 
Sapph was  
Excellent at it: but Amphion he  
He was the man that outdid all; 'tis said  
Of him, that he could draw stones with the sound  
Of his sweet strings. I'd willingly arrive  
At some perfection in the Quality.  Mean. 
I do acknowledge your desires most prone.  
This for your trouble.  Pri. 
I am not mercenary,  
Your acceptation is reward enough.  Mean. 
You have it then.  Pris. 
Beauty go with you Sir.  [ Exeunt several ways.  

ACT. III. SCEN. IV.  Credulous, Hearsay, Slicer, to them Sir Thomas Bitefig, Haveatall, Caster, as to the Ordinary. Cred. 
YOur welcome friends, as I may say—  Hear. 
You do forget.  Cred. 
— That am a guest as well as you.  Slic. 
Most noble sons of Fortune, and of Valour,  
You grace us with your presence: you must pardon  
Our small provision.  Hear. 
No variety here  
But you most noble guests, whose gracious looks  
Must make a dish or two become a feast.  Have. 
I'll be as free as 'twere mine own.  Cast. 
Who thinks  
On any thing that borders upon sadness  
May he ne'er know what's mirth, but when others  
Laugh at his sullen wrinkles.  Have. 
We will raise  
A noise enough to wake an Alderman,  
Or a cast captain, when the reckoning is  
About to pay.  Cre. 
Hang thinking,' snigs I'll be  
As merry as a Pismire; come let's in.  Slic. 
Let's march in order military Sirs.  Ha. 
That's well remembered most complete Lieutenant  Ex. as to the ordinary.  

ACT III. SCEN. V.  Rimewell, Bagshot, Vicar Catchmey, Sir Christopher. Rim. 
COme my most noble order of the club.  
'Cause none will else, let's make much of ourselves.  
His letter may procure a Dinner yet.  Bag. 
Cheer up Sir Kit, thou look'st too spiritually:  
see too much of the tithe-pig in thee.  Ch. 
I'm not so happy: Kit's as hungry now  
As a besieged City, and as dry  
As a Dutch Commentator. This vile world  
Ne'er thinks of Qualities: good truth I think  
It hath much to answer for. Thy Poetry  
Rimewell, and thy voice Vicar Catchmey, and  
Thy Law too Bagshot is contemned: 'tis pity  
Professions should be slighted thus. The day  
Will come perhaps, when that the Commonwealth  
May need such men as we. There was a time  
When cobblers were made churchmen, and those blacked  
Smutched Creatures thrust into white surplices,  
Looked like so many Magpies, and did speak  
Just as they, by rote. But now the Land  
Surfeits forsooth. Poor Labourers in Divinity  
Can't earn their groat a day, unless it be  
Reading of the Christian burial for the dead:  
When they even for that reason truly thank  
God for thus taking this their Brother to him.  Catch. 
Something profane Sir Christopher.  Chri. 
When I  
Level my larger thoughts unto the Basis  
Of thy deep shallowness, am I profane?  
Henceforth I'll speak, or rather not speak, for  
I will speak darkly.  Catch. 
There's one comfort than  
You will be brief.  Chri. 
My briefness is prolix;  
Thy mind is bodily, thy soul corporeal;  
And all thy subtle faculties are not subtle,  
Thy subtlety is dulness. I am strong.  
I will not be conceived by such mechanics.  Rhyme. 
I do conceive you though Sir Christopher,  
My Muse doth sometimes take the selfsame flight.  Chri. 
Pauci, pauci ques aequus amavit.  
But Quadragessimall wits, and fancies lean  
As ember weeks( which therefore I call lean,  
Because they're fat) these I do doom unto  
A knowing ignorance; he that's conceived  
By such is not conceived; sense is nonsense  
If understood by them. I'm strong again.  Rhyme. 
You err most Orthodoxly sweet Sir Kit.  Chri. 
I love that though I hate it: and I have  
A kind of disagreeing consent to't.  
I'm strong, I'm strong again. Let's keep these two  
In desperate hope of understanding us.  
Riddles, and Clouds are very lights of speech:  
I'll veil my careless anxious thoughts, as 'twere  
In a perspicuous cloud, that I may  
Whisper in a loud voice, and even be filent  
When I do utter words; words did I call them?  
My words shall be no words, my voice no voice;  
My noise no noise, my very language silence.  
I'm strong, I'm strong: good Sir you understand not.  Bag. 
Nor do desire; 'tis merely froth, and barm,  
The yeast that makes your thin small Sermons work.  Chri. 
Thou hold'st thy peace most vocally. Again.  Catch. 
I hate this Bilke.  Chri. 
Thou lovest 'cause thou dost hate.  
Thy injuries are Courtesies. Strong again.  Cat. 
Good Samson use not this your ass' jawbone.  Chri. 
Thou'st got my love by losing it; that earnest  
Jest hath regained my soul. Samson was strong;  
He killed a thousand with an Asses-jawbone.  Ent. a Serv. as passing by 
And so will I. 'st 'st— good friend d'y'hear?  
Here is a letter friend to Mr Meanwell.  Bag. 
Any Reversions yet? nothing transmissed?  Rhyme. 
No gleanings James? no Trencher Analects?  Ser. 
Parley a little with your stomaches Sirs.  Catch. 
There's nothing so ridiculous as the hungry:  
A fasting man is a good jest at any time.  Ser. 
There is a Gentleman without, that willed me  
To ask if you'll admit of him among you,  
He can't endure to be in good company.  Catc. 
You're merry James; yes by all means good James;  
Admit quoth he? what else? pray y'send him in.  [ Ex. Se. 
Let's be resolved to fail out, now than he  
Shall have the glory to compose the Quarrel,  
By a good dozen of pacifical beer.  Rhyme. 
Bag. Agreed, agreed.  Chri. 
My Coat allows no quarrel.  Rhyme. 
The Colour bearsed if you'll venture the stuff,  
The tenderness of it I do confess  
Some what denies a grappling.  Chri. 
I will try,  
Perhaps my Spirit will suggest some anger.  [ Ent. And. An. 
Save you boon sparks: wilt please you to admit me?  Chri. 
Your Worship graceth us in condescending  
To level thus your presence humble Sir.  And. 
What may I call your name most reverend Sir?  Bag. 
His name's Sir Kit.  Chri. 
My name is not so short,  
'Tis a trissyliable, an't please your Worship:  
But vulgar tongues have made bold to profane it  
With the short sound of that unhallowed idol  
They call a Kit. Boy learn more reverence.  Bag. 
Yes, to my Betters.  And. 
Nay friends, do not quarrel.  Chri. 
It is the holy cause, and I must quarrel.  
Thou Son of Parchment, got between the Standish  
And the stiff Buckram bag: thou that Mayst call  
The Pen thy Father, and the ink thy Mother,  
The sand thy Brother, and the wax thy Sister,  
And the good Pillory thy cousin removed,  
I say learn reverence to thy Betters.  Bag. 
Set up an hourglass; he'll go on until  
The last sand make his Period.  Chri. 
'Tis my custom,  
I do approve the Calumny: the words  
I do acknowledge, but not the disgrace.  
Thou vile engrosser of unchristian deeds.  Bag. 
Good Israel Inspiration hold your tongue;  
It makes far better music, when you Nose  
Sternold's, or Wisdoms metre.  Catch. 
By your leave  
You fall on me now Brother.  Rim. 
'Tis my cause,  
You are too forward Brother Catchm.  Catch. 
I  
Too forward?  Rim. 
Yes I say you are too forward  
By the length of your London measure Beard.  Catch. 
Thou never couldst entreat that respite yet  
Of thy dishonesty as to get one hair  
To testify thy Age.  Bag. 
I'm beardless too;  
I hope you think not so of me?  Chri. 
Yes verily,  
Not one hairs difference 'twixt you both.  Rim. 
Thou violent Cushion-thumper, hold thy tongue,  
The Furies dwell in it.  Catch. 
Peace good Sir Kit.  Chri. 
Sir Kit again? Thou art a Lopez; when  
One of thy legs rots off( which will be shortly)  
Thou'lt bear about a choir of wicked Paper,  
Defiled with sanctified rhythms,  
And Idols in the frontisepiece: that I  
May speak to thy capacity, thou'lt be  
A ballad-monger.  Catch. 
I shall live to see thee  
Stand in a playhouse door with thy long box,  
Thy half-crown Library, and cry small Books.  
By a good godly Sermon Gentlemen—  
A judgement shown upon a Knot of Drunkards—  
A pill to purge out Popery— The life  
And death of Katherine Stubs—  Chri. 
Thou wilt visit windows;  
Me thinks I hear thee with thy begging tone  
About the break of day waking the Brethren  
Out of their morning Revelations.  And. 
Brave sport i'faith.  Rhyme. 
Pray y'good Sir reconcile them.  
If that some Justice be i'th' Ordinary now  
he'll bind them to the peace for troubling him.  Bag. 
Why should he not good Sir, it is his office,  An. 
Now 'tis o''is side; o for a pair of Cudgels!  Rhyme. 
Peace Inkhorn, there's no music in thy tongue.  Catc. 
Thou and thy rhyme lie both; the tongue of man  
Is born to music naturally.  Rhyme. 
Thou thing,  
Thy belly looks like to some strutting hill,  
O'er shadowed with thy rough beard like a wood.  Chri. 
Or like a larger Jug, that some men call  
A Bellarmine, but we a Conscience;  
Whereon the lewder hand of Pagan workman  
Over the proud ambitious head hath carved  
An idol large with beard Episcopal,  
Making the Vessel look like Tyrant Eglon.  Catch. 
Profane again Sir Christopher I take it.  Chri. 
Must I be strong again? thou human beast,  
Who'rt only eloquent when thou sayst nothing,  
And appearest handsome while thou hid'st thyself,  
I'm holy 'cause profane.  And. 
Courageous rascals,  
Brave Spirits, soldiers in their days I warrant.  Bag. 
Born in the field I do assure your Worship:  
This Quarrelling is meant and drink to them.  Rhyme. 
Thou liest. Bag. Nay then I do defy thee thus.  [ Ba. draws his Inkhorn and Ri. catcheth off Sir Chr. hat and spectacles.] Rhyme. 
And thus I am prepared to answer thee.  Ch. 
For the good Sts. sake part them; I am blind,  
If that my Spectacles should once miscarry.  Rhyme. 
Caytiff, this holy instrument shall quail thee.  Bag. 
And this shall send thee to thy cousin furies.  Chri. 
I feel a film come o'er mine eyes already,  
I must look out an Animal conductive,  
I mean a Dog.  And. 
Pray y'beat not out his eyes in  
Another's hands.  Chri. 
Most strongly urged.  Catch. 
Your words  
Are merely wind. James ho! what James! some beer.  
They're mastiff Dogs, they won't be parted Sir,  
Without good store of Liquor.  [ Ent. Serv. with beer. And. 
I will souse them.  Ser. 
Drink t' 'em Sir, if that you'll have 'em quiet.  An. 
Is that the way? here's to you my friends; a whole one.  Ba. 
Were't not for that good Gentleman thou'dst smoak for't.  Ri. 
Had I not vowed some reverence to his presence.  
Thou hadst been nothing.  Bag. 
'Fore Mars I was dry:  
This valour's thirsty: fill to my Antagonist.  Rhyme. 
No, mine own dish will serve: I'm singular.  
Few vessels still do well; I carry this  
To drink my beer, while others drink their sack.  
I am abstemious Rimewel: I hate wine  
Since I spoke treason last i'th' cellar. Here  
Give me thy hand, thou child of fervency.  
Didst thou mistrust thy spectacles?  
It was no anger, 'twas a Rapture merely.  Chris. 
Drink, and excuse it after. James your help.  
Come Man of voice keep time while that I drink.  
This moisture shall dry up all injuries,  
Which I'll remember only to forget;  
And so hereafter, which I'm wont to call  
The future now, I'll love thee stubbornly.  
Your beer is like my words, strong, stinging gear.  Catch. 
Here little Lawyer, let's be friends hereafter;  
I love this reconcilement with my heart.  And. 
'Tis the best deed that e'er I did: O my conscience  
I shall make a good Justice of the Peace,  
There had been bloodshed, if I had not stickled.  Ser. 
More blood been spilt I warrant than beer now.  And. 
That Inkhorn is a deadly dangerous weapon:  
It hath undone one quarter of the Kingdom.  Chris. 
Men should forgive; but thou art far, yea far  
From it O Bagshot; thou'rt in love with hate;  
Bless me! I see the Fiend still in his looks;  
He is not reconcilable with drink;  
he'll never love truly, till he eat with me.  
The nature of his Spirit asketh meat:  
He hath a wolf in's breast; food must appease him.  And. 
Cold meat will do it, wilt not?  Rim. 
Any thing—  
That may employ the teeth.  And. 
Go James provide;  
You are not merry yet.  Catch. 
To satisfy you  
In that point, we will sing a Song of his.  And. 
Let's have't; I love these Ballads hugeously.  
The Song.  1. Catch. 
THen our music is in prime,  
When our teeth keep triple time;  
Hungry Notes are fit for kneels:  
May lankness be  
No Quest to me.  
The Bagpipe sounds, when that it swells.  
Chor. May lankness, &c.  2. Bagsh. 
A Mooting Night brings wholesome smiles,  
When John an Okes, and John a styles,  
Do grease the lawyer's Satin.  
A Reading-Day  
Frights French away,  
The Benchers dare speak Latin.  
Chor. A Reading, &c.  3. Rim. 
He that's full doth Verse compose;  
Hunger deals in sullen Prose:  
Take notice and discard her.  
The empty Spit  
Ne'er cherished Wit.  
Minerva loves the Larder.  
Chor. The empty Spit, &c.  4. Chr. 
First to break Fast, then to dine,  
Is to conquer Bellarmine:  
Distinctions than are budding.  
Old Sutcliffs Wit  
Did never hit,  
But after his Bag-pudding.  
Chor. Old Sutcliffs Wit, &c.  And. 
Most admirable; a good eating Song.  Chri. 
Let us walk in, and practice it; my Bowels  
Yearn till I am in charity with all.  And. 
A Christian resolution good Sir Christopher.  Ex.  

ACT. III. SCEN. VI.  Meanwell with a letter in his hand, Hearsay, Slicer. Mea. 
SWeet Sir I am most passionately yours,  [ Mean. reads. 
To serve you all the ways I can. Priscilla.  
Very well penned of a young Chambermaid,  
I do conceive your meaning sweet Priscilla:  
You see I have the happy fortune on't;  
A night for nothing, and entreated too.  Slic. 
Thou dost not know how I do love thee; let me  
Make use of this, thou'lt have the like occasion.  Hea. 
Thou art the fawningst fellow Slicer— Meanwel hark here.  Mean. 
For God's sake be contented Sirs;  
I'm flesh and blood as well as you. Lieutenant,  
Think on your Suburb Beauties; sweet Intelligencer,  
I will by no means bar you of your Lady.  
Your sin I assure you will be honourable.  [ Exi Mean. Slic. 
Pox o'your liquorous lips; if that she don't  
After this sealing forty weeks deliver  
Something unto thee as thy act and deed,  
Say I can't prophesy.  Hear. 
If I don't serve him  
A trick he thinks not of—  Slic. 
Didst mark how he  
Did apply himself to the Knight all dinner?  
I am afraid he plays the cunning Factor,  
And in another's name woes for himself.  Hear. 
Let it go on; let it work something farther  
'Tis almost ripe enough to crush; he hath not  
Crept high enough as yet to be sensible  
Of any fall.  Slic. 
Now is the time or never.  
This night you know he and his doxy meet;  
Let me alone to give them their good-morrow.  
If that we carry things but one week longer  
Without discovery, farewell London then;  
The world's our own. He ne'er deserves to thrive  
That doth not venture for it. Wealth's then sweet  
When bought with hazard. Fate this Law hath set;  
The fool inherits, but the wise must get.    


ACT. IV. SCEN. I.  Credulous, Hearsay, Slicer. Cred. 
MY Name's not Tribulation,  
Nor holy Ananias:  
I was baptised in fashion,  
Our Vicar did hold Bias.  Hear. 
What, how now Mr Credulous? so merry?  Cred. 
Come let's be mad; by yea and nay my Son  
Shall have the Turkish Monarchy; he shall  
Have it directly: the twelve Companies  
Shall be his Kickshaws.  Hear. 
Bashaw's Sir you mean.  Cred. 
Well Sir, what if I do? Andrew the great Turk!  
I would I were a pepper corn if that  
It sounds not well: dost not?  Slic. 
Yes, very well.  Cred. 
I'll make it elle: Great Andrew Mahomet,  
Imperious Andrew Mahomet Credulous,  
Tell me which name sounds best.  Hear. 
That's as you speak 'em.  Cred. 
Oatemeleman Andrew, Andrew Oatmeleman.  Hear. 
Ottoman Sir you mean.  Cred. 
Yes Ottoman.  
Then Mrs Jane, Sir Thomas Bitefiggs Daughter,  
That may be the she Great Turk, if she please me.  Sli. 
The Sign o'th' half Moon that hangs at your door,  
Is not for nought.  Cred. 
That's the Turks arms they say;  
The Empire's destined to our house directly.  
Hang Shop-books, give's some Wine, hay for a noise  
Of fiddlers now.  Hear. 
The Great Turk loves no music.  Cred. 
Does he not so? nor I. I'll light Tobacco  
With my Sum-totals; my Debt-books shall sole  
Pies at young Andrew's Wedding: cry you mercy;  
I would say Gentlemen the Great Turks Wedding.  
My Deeds shall be sliced out in tailor's Measures;  
They all employed in making Mrs Mahomet  
New Gowns against the time; hang dirty wealth.  Sl. 
What should the Great Turks father do with wealth?  Cred. 
'Snigs I would fain now hear  
Some fighting News.  [ Ent. Cast. Slic. 
There's one will furnish you I warrant you.  Cast. 
Pox!— Plague!— Hell!— Death!—  
Damned luck!— this 'tis!—  
The devil take all Fortunes: never man  
Came off so▪ quite and clean defunct by Heaven—  
Not a piece left.  Cred. 
What all your ordinance lost?  Cast. 
But one to bear, and lose it! all the world  
Was sure against me.  Cred. 
'Snigs how many fell?  Cast. 
He threw twice twelve.  Cred. 
By'r Lady a shrewd many.  Cast. 
The devil sure was in his hand I think.  Cred. 
Nay, if the devil was against you, then—  Cast. 
But one for to be hit in all the time—  
And that too safe enough to any ones thinking;  
It stood on eleven.  Cred. 
'Slid a mighty slaughter;  
But did he stand upon eleu'n at once?  Cast. 
The Plague take all impertinencies, peace.  Cred. 
These soldiers are so choleric there is  
No dealing with 'em; then they've lost the day.  Cast. 
'Twas ten to one by Heaven all the while.  Cred. 
And yet all killed at last? hard fortune faith.  
What news from Brussels? or the Hague? d' y' hear  
Aught of the Turks designs?  Cast. 
I'll make thee news  
For the Coranti Dotard.  Cred. 
Ay, the Coranti,  
What doth that say?  Cast. 
O hell! thou foolish thing  
Keep in that tongue of thine, or—  Slic. 
Good now peace,  
He's very furious when he's moved.  Hear. 
This 'twas.  
You must be venturing without your Fancy-man.  Cred. 
What Officer's that Fancy-man, Lieutenant?  
Some great Commander sure.  Cast. 
Pox! let it go;  
I'll win't again: 'twas but the relics of  
An idle hundred.  Cred. 
'Snigs and well remembered.  
You did receive the hundred that I sent you  
To th' Race this morning by your man, my bailiff?  Cast. 
Take him away, his wine speaks in him now.  Cred. 
Godsnigs the farm is mine, and must be so.  Slic. 
Debate these things another time, good friends.  Enter Haveatall. 
Come, come, have Patience. Od's my life away.  
There's Mr Haveatall is mad; he'll spit you,  
If he but know you are a Usurer.  Cre. 
A plot, a plot to take away my life and Farm.  [ Ex. Have. 
Fight as I live with any one. Lieutenant  
Do not come near me now, nor yet thou Caster;  
It works, 'fore Mars it works; I'll take my walk,  
And if I do find any one by Jove—  En. Haveatall. Cast. 
What's he foxed too? some drunken Planet reigns  
And works upon the world; Provide my fancy  
God Noble Patron: I'll win soberly,  
I itch till I have beggared all the City.  Exit Cast. Hea. 
Till that you have undone yourself you mean. En.  Mo. 
Ey save you both: for darn love say soothly Mo.  
Where is thylk amebly, Franklin, cleped Meanwel?  Hear. 
he's gone abroad.  Mo. 
Lere me whylk way he wended.  Slic. 
He is gone o'er the fields.  Hear. 
To the knight's house.  Mo. 
Why laugh you every deal? so Moat I gone,  
This goeth not aright; I dread some Covin.  Exit Moth Slic. 
Now will he meet with Haveatall; there'll be  
A combat worthy Chronicle. Let's go  
And see how this grave motion will bestir him.  Exeunt.  

ACT IV. SCEN. II.  Haveatall, after a while Moth, Slicer and Hearsay watching. Ha. 
What, no man yet march by? who e'er comes next  
I'll give him onerap more for making me  
Stay here so long.  Enter Moth. 
So so here he's; how shall  
I do to know where he be a Gentleman,  
Or Yeoman or servingman? I think  
I'd best suppose him all, and beat him through  
Every degree, and so I shall not wrong him.  
What? who goes there?  Moth. 
Waes heal thou gentle Knight.  Hav. 
Waes heal thou gentle Knight? speak what art thou?  
Speak quickly do: Villain know'st thou not me?  Moth 
Now by my troth I know not your Name;  
Whider I shall call you my Lord Dan John,  
Or Dan Thomas, or Dan Robert, or Dan Albon:  
I vow to God thou hast a full fair chine;  
Upon my faith art some Officer.  Hav. 
Have you the pox Sir? speak.  Moth. 
No.  Hav. 
No? nor yet  
An ache in your Bones!  Moth. 
No.  Hav. 
No? why than you are  
No Gentleman; Lieutenant Slicer says so.  
This cudgel than serves turn.  Moth. 
You will not foyn?  Hav. 
I will not foyn, but I will beat you Sir.  Moth. 
Why intermete of what thou hast to done;  
So letteth me alone, it shall be thy best.  Hav. 
I fancied you a beating; you must have it.  
You shall not say but I will show you favour.  
Choose where you will be hacked with my sword,  
Or bruised by my Batton.  Moth. 
Dre not thy true,  
And paynant Morglay out of Shete. Lo thus  
Eftsoons Sir Knight, I greet thee lowting low.  Hav. 
Done lower yet.  Moth. 
Rueth on my grey hairs.  Hav. 
Yet lower: so, then thus I do bestride thee.  Moth. 
Tubal the son of Lamech did yfind  
music by knocking Hammers upon Anviles;  
Let go thine blows, thilk Art is no complete.  Hav. 
Dost thou make me a Smith thou Rogue? a Tubal?  Moth. 
Harrow alas! flet England, flet England:  
Dead is Edmond.  Hav. 
Take that for history.  
O brave Lieutenant now thy dinner works.  Mo. 
I nis not Edmond Ironside God wot.  Ha. 
More provocation yet? I'll seal thy lips.  Mo. 
A twenty Devil way! So did the Saxon  
Upon thilk plain of Sarum, done to death  
By treachery, the Lords of merry Englond  
Nem esur Saxes.  Have. 
Villain dost abuse me  
In unbaptised language? do not answer;  [ Moth entreats by signs. 
If that thou dost, by Jove I'll strangle thee.  
Do you make mouths you rascal thus at me?  
You're at dumb Service now: why, this is more  
Unsufferable than your old patched gibberish;  
This silence is abuse. I'll send thee to  
The Place of it, where thou shalt meet with Oswald,  
Vortigern, Harrolld, Hengist, Horsey, Knute,  
Alared, Edgar, and Cunobeline.  [ Slic. Hear. step in. 
Thus, thus I sheathe my Sword.  Slic. 
Redoubled Knight  
Enough, 'tis thy foe doth vanquished lie  
Now at thy mercy, mercy notwithstand,  
For he is one the truest Knight alive,  
Though conquered now he lie on lowly ground.  Ha. 
Thou ow'st thy life to my Lieutenant, caitiff.  
Breath and be thankful.  Mo. 
I reach not thine yeft;  
Maugre thine head, algate I suffer none,  
I am-thine lief, thine dear, mine Potluck Joan.  Exeunt.  

ACT. IV. SCEN. III.  Andrew, Priscilla. And. 
FAirest of things— tralucent creature— Hang me  
If I do know what's next.  Pris. 
This meant to me?  And. 
Fairest of things— tralucent creature— rather  
Obscured Deity— 'Tis gone again.  
Lady will you eat a piece of Gingerbread?  Pris. 
You might have better manners than to scoff  
One of my breeding.  An. 
Hark; indad I love you.  Pris. 
Alas!  An. 
I vow I burn in love, as doth  
A penny Faggot.  Pris. 
hay ho!  An. 
And I shall  
Blaze out Sir reverence if ye do not quench me.  Pris. 
Indeed now?  An. 
Though I say't that should not say't,  
I am affected towards you strangely.  Pris. 
Now who'd have thought it?  An. 
There's a thing each night  
Comes to my Bedshead and cries Matrimony,  
Matrimony Andrew.  Pris. 
God forbid.  An. 
It is  
Some Spirit that would join us.  Pri. 
Goodly, goodly.  An. 
Then do I shake all over.  Pris. 
Doth it so?  An. 
Then shake again.  Pris. 
I pray you now.  ●nd. 
Then cry  
〈◊〉 of things— tralucent creature— rather  
Obscured Deity, sweet Mrs Jane,  
I come I come.  Prisc. 
Sweet Sir you are deceived:  
I'm but her woman; here she comes herself.  [ En. Mrs Ja. And. 
Now as my Father saith, I would I were  
A Cucumber if I know what to do.  Jan. 
Why how now Pris? who's that that useth you  
So lovingly?  And. 
Fairest of things— 'tis one  
Tralucent Creature— 'tis— Ay that it is  
One—  Pris. 
That would willingly run out of doors,  
If that he had but Law enough.  And. 
I say—  Jan. 
Nay bened afraid: here's none shall do you harm.  An. 
'Tis one that brought his Pigs to the wrong market.  
You keep your woman here so fine, that I  
Had like t' have made a proper business on't  
Before I was aware. If any thing  
Do prove amiss, indeed-la you shall be  
The Father on't. But know tralucent Creature  
I am come off entire, and now am yours  
Whole, Andrew Creaulous, your servant's servant.  Jan. 
Methinks you contradict yourself: how can you  
Be wholly mine, and yet my servant's servant?  And. 
I do but compliment in that( I see  
Downright's the best way here) if thou canst love  
I can love too. Law thee there now. I'm rich.  Jan. 
I use not to look after riches; 'tis  
The person that I aim at.  And. 
That is me;  
I'm proper, handsome fair, clean-limbed: I'm rich.  Jan. 
I must have one that can direct and guide me;  
A Guardian rather than a Husband; for  
I'm foolish yet.  An. 
Now see the luck on't Lady  
So am I too i'faith.  Jan. 
And who e'er hath me  
Will find me to be one of those things which  
His care must first reform.  An. 
Do not doubt that;  
I have a head for Reformation:  
This noddle here shall do it. I am rich.  Jane. 
Riches create no love; I fear you mean  
To take me for formality only,  
As some staid piece of householdstuff perhaps  
Fit to be seen 'mong other ornaments:  
Or at the best I shall be counted but  
A name of dignity; not entertained  
For love but State; one of your train, a thing  
Took to wipe off suspicion from some fairer  
To whom you have vowed Homage.  An. 
Do not think  
drop reg've any Plots or Projects in my Head,  
I will do any thing for thee that thou  
Canst name or think on.  Pris. 
Pray you try him Mistress,  
By my Virginity I think he'll flinch.  And. 
By my Virginity( which is as good  
As yours I'm sure) by my Virginity  
If that we men have any such thing( as  
We men have such a thing) I do believe  
I will not flinch. Alas! you don't know Andrew.  Jan. 
Can you obtain but so much respite from  
Your other Soverains service, as to keep  
Your Eye from gazing on her for a while?  An. 
If I do look on any woman, nay,  
If I do cast a sheep's eye upon any  
But your sweet self, may I lose one of mine:  
Marry I'll keep the other howsoe'er.  Jane. 
I know not how I may believe you; you'll  
Swear you ne'er cast a glance on any, when  
Your eye hath baited at each face you met.  An. 
Blind me good now: being you mistrust, I will  
Be blinded with this handkerchief; you shall  
See that I love you now. So, let me have  
But any reasonable thing to lead me home,  
I do not care though it be a Dog, so that  
He knows the way, or hath the wit t' inquire it.  Jane. 
That care Sir shall be mine.  [ Ex. Jane, and Pris. An. 
I doubt not, but  
I shall be in the Chronicle for this,  
Or in a balded else. This handkerchief  
Shall be hung up i'th' Parish Church instead  
Of a great silken flag to fan my grave:  
With my Arms in't, portrayed in good blue thread  
With this word underneath: This, this was he  
That shut his eyes because he would not see.  
Hold who comes there?  [ Ent. Mean. Shape. Mean. 
One Sir to lead you home.  An. 
Who? Tutor Meanwell?  Sha. 
Yes I do commit you  Shape counterfeits Mrs Janes voice. 
Unto your trusty friend, If you perform  
This vow we may—  An. 
I'll say your sentence out,  
Be man and wife.  Sha. 
If you'll do something else  
That I'll propose.  An. 
Pray make your own conditions.  Sha. 
You'll promise me you'll not be jealous of me?  An. 
Do what you will I'll trust you.  Sha. 
never hire  
Any to tempt me?  An. 
By this light( I would say  
By this darkness) I never will.  Sha. 
Nor mark  
On whom I laugh?—  An. 
No.  Sha. 
Nor suspect My smiles,  
My nods, my winks?—  An. 
No, no.  Sha. 
Nor yet keep count  
From any Gallants visit?  An. 
I'll ne'er reckon;  
You shall do what you will.  Sha. 
You'll never set  
Great Chests and forms against my Chamber Door,  
Nor pin my smock unto your shirt a nights,  
For fear I should slip from you ere you wake?  An. 
As I do hope for Day I will not.  Sha. 
Give me  
Some small pledge from you to assure your love;  
If that you yet prove false, I may have something  
To witness your inconstancy. I'll take  
This little Ruby: this small blushing stone  
From your fair finger.  An. 
Take it Sweet: there is  
A Diamond in my Bandstring, if you have  
A mind to that I pray make use of't too.  Sha. 
In troth a stone of lustre, I assure you  
It darts a pretty light, a veget spark;  
It seems an Eye upon your Breast.  An. 
Nay take it,  
For loves sake take it then; leave nothing that  
Looks like an Eye about me.  Sha. 
My good Andrew,  
'Cause of thy resolution, I'll perform  
This office for thee. Take my word for't, this  
Shall ne'er betray thee.  Ex. Shape. An. 
Farewell honest Jany,  
I cannot see to thank thee my sweet Jany.  
Tutor, your hand good Tutor, lead me wisely.  Mea. 
Take comfort man; I have good news for thee:  
Thine eyes shall be thine own before next morning.  Exeunt.  

ACT IV. SCEN. IV.  Shape, chirurgeon, Mercer. Sha. 
he's a good friend of mine, and I presume  
Upon your secrecy.  Chi. 
O Sir— the Deed  
By which it came was not more close. D'y'think  
I would undo me self by twitting? 'twere  
To bring the Gallants all about mine Ears,  
And make me mine own Patient. I'm faithful,  
And secret, though a Barber.  Sha. 
Nay, but hear me;  
he's very modest: 'twas his first attempt  
Procured him this infirmity; he will  
Be bashful I am sure, and won't be known  
Of any such thing at the first; you must  
Be sure to put him to't.  Chi. 
Let me alone,  
He knows not yet the world I do perceive.  
It is as common now with Gentlemen,  
As 'tis to follow fashion; only here  
Lieth the difference, that they keep in this  
A little longer. I shall have so much  
Upon your word Sir?  Sha. 
If you do perform  
The cure by that time( twenty pieces Sir.)  
You are content?  Mer. 
Yes Sir.  Chi. 
It shall be done  Ex. Shape. 
According to your own prescription.  
Sit down I pray you Sir, this Gentleman  
Is a good friend of yours.  Mer. 
Indeed he is  
A very honest man as any one  
Can wish to deal with verily.  Chi. 
Believe't  
He loves you very well.  Mer. 
I am most ready  
To do him any service truly; pray you  
Good Brother don't delay me, I'm in haste.  Chi. 
Indeed, and truly, verily good Brother;  
How could these milksop words e'er get him company  
That could procure the Pox? where do you feel  
You grief most trouble you?  Mer. 
I'm very well.  
What mean you Brother?  Chi. 
Nay, be not so modest;  
'Tis no such heinous fault, as that you should  
Seek thus to hide it: mere ill fortune only—  Mer. 
Surely you do forget yourself.  Chi. 
Come, come,  
He told me you'd be shamefaced; you must be  
Wary hereafter.  Mer. 
( I do perceive  
He is a little mad indeed; the Gentleman  
Told me so much just as I came along)  
Yes, yes, I'll be wary, I'll take heed,  
Come pray y' dispatch me.  Chi. 
So, I like you now.  
It is the custom of most Gentlemen  
Not to confess until they feel their bones  
Begin t' admonish 'em.  Mer. 
You are i'th' right:  
Good friend make haste; drop reg've very urgent business.  Chi. 
Not rashly neither; Is your Gristle sound?  
Me thinks 'tis very firm as yet to th' touch.  
You fear no danger there as yet Sir, do you?  Mer. 
No, I'll assure you.( He must have his humour;  
I see he is not to be crossed.)  Chi. 
When did you  
Feel the first grudging on't? 'tis not broke out  
In any place?  Mer. 
No, no: I pray y' dispatch me.  Chi. 
These things desire deliberation;  
Care is required.  Mer. 
Good Brother go t'your Chest.  Chi. 
How can I know what medicines to apply,  
If that you tell me not where lies your grief?  Mer. 
Nay good now let me go.  Chi. 
I must not Sir,  
Nor will not truly: trust me you will wish  
You had confessed and suffered me in time,  
When you shall come to dry burnt Racks of Mutton,  
The Siren, and the Tub.  Mer. 
So now enough;  
Pray fetch me what you promised.  Chi. 
Are you wild,  
Or mad? I do protest I ne'er did meet  
A Gentleman of such perverseness yet.  
I find you just as I was told you should.  Mer. 
I lose the taking, by my swear, of taking  
As much, whiles that I am receiving this.  Chi. 
I will not hinder you, if that you do  
Prefer your gain before your health.  Mer. 
Well then  
I pray you tell it out; we Tradesmen are not  
Masters of our own time.  Chi. 
What would you have?  Mer. 
What would I have? as if you did not know;  
Come come leave jesting now at last good Brother.  Chi. 
I am in earnest Sir.  Mer. 
Why, I would have  
My money Sir, the twenty pieces that  
The Gentleman did give you order now  
To pay me for the Velvet, that he bought  
This morning of me.  Chi. 
O! the Gentleman—  Mer. 
You should not make a laughing stock good Brother  
Of one that wrongs you not; I do profess  
I won't be fubbed ensure yourself.  Chi. 
The Gentleman!  
Oh! oh! the Gentleman! is this the cure  
I should perform? truly I dare not venture  
Upon such desperate Maladies.  Mer. 
You are  
But merrily disposed?  Chi. 
Indeed they are  
Too high for my small Quality; verily  
Perhaps good Brother you might perish under  
Mine hands truly; I do profess I am not  
Any of your bold Mountebanks in this.  Mer. 
You're still disposed—  Chi. 
To laugh at you good Brother.  
Gulled by my swear, by my swear gulled; he told me  
You had a small infirmity upon you,  
A grief of youth, or two; and that I should  
Have twenty pieces for the cure. He asked you  
If that you were content, you answered yes.  
I was in hope I'd gained a Patient more;  
Your best way is to make haste after him.  Mer. 
Now could I beat myself for a wise fool  
That I was, thus to trust him.  Exit. Chi. 
B'w'y' Brother.  
'Fore God a good one. O! the Gentleman.  Ex laughing.  

ACT. IV. SCEN. V.  Rimewell, Bagshot, Catchmey, Sir Christopher; A Song at a window; congratulating( as they think) Mr Meanwel's Marriage. 

1  
Whiles early light springs from the skies,  
A fairer from your Bride doth rise;  
A brighter Day doth thence appear,  
And make a second morning there:  
Her blush doth shed  
All o'er the bed,  
Clean shamefaced beams  
That spread in streams,  
And purple round the modest air.   

2  
I will not tell what shrieks, and cries,  
What Angry Dishes, and what ties,  
What pretty oaths then newly born  
The listening Taper heard there sworn:  
Whiles froward she  
Most peevishly  
Did yielding fight  
To keep o'er night  
What she'd have proffered you ere morn.   

3  
Fair, we know, maids do refuse  
To grant what they do come to lose.  
Intend a Conquest you that wed;  
They would be chastely ravished.  
Not any kiss  
From Mrs Pris,  
If that you do  
Persuade and woe.  
Know pleasure's by extorting fed.   

4  
O may her arms wax black and blue  
Only by hard encircling you:  
May she round about you twine  
Like the easy twisting Vine;  
And whiles you sip  
From her full lip  
Pleasures as new  
As morning Dew,  
Let those soft ties your hearts combine.   Sing. 
God give you joy Mr Meanwell. God give your Worship good morrow.  Rim. 
Come let's be going.  Chr. 
Hold, a blow I'll have,  
One jerk at th' times, wraped in a benediction  
O'th' Spouses teeming, and I'll go with you.  

A Song.  
NOw thou our future Brother,  
That shalt make this Spouse a Mother,  
Spring up, and Dod's blessing on't.  
Show thy little sorrel Pate  
And prove regenerate  
Before thou be brought to the Font.  
May the Parish Surplice be  
Cut in pieces quite for thee,  
To wrap thy soft body about;  
So 'twill better service do  
Reform thus into  
The state of an Orthodox Clout.  
When thou shalt leave the Cradle,  
And shalt begin to waddle,  
And trudge in thy little Apron;  
Mayst thou conceive a grace  
Of half an hours space,  
And rejoice in thy Friday Capon.  
For an error that's the Flocks  
Name Mr Paul, but urge St Knox;  
And at every reform Dinner,  
Let cheese come in, and preaching,  
And by that third Course teaching,  
Confirm an unsatisfied Sinner.  
Thence grow up to hate a Ring,  
And defy an offering:  
And learn to sing what others say.  
Let Christ-tide be thy fast,  
And lent thy good repast:  
And regard not an Holy day.   Enter Constable and Assistants. Con. 
Lay hold on them; lay hold on them I say:  
I'll hamper them.  Cat. 
Hell take your headlong zeal;  
You must be jerking at the times forsooth.  
I am afraid the times will scape, and we  
The men of them shall suffer now the scourge.  Con. 
Let none escape.  Chri. 
'Twas godliness verily:  
It was a Hymn I warbled.  Con. 
Thou dost lie,  
It was no Hymn, it was a Song. Is this  
Your filthy Rendevow? you shall be taught  
Another tune.  Chr. 
I do beseech you show  
merciful cruelty, and as 'twere a kind  
Of pitiful hard heartedness. I'm strong.  They bring in Andrew, and Priscilla. Con. 
I'm glad you told me so, I will provide  
Your Ward accordingly. Drag 'em out both.  An. 
Let me but send to th' Ordinary.  Pri. 
You shall not,  
The ordinary hath sent to you: No bail,  
I will take none. I'll suffer no such sneaks  
As you, t'offend this way. It doth belong  
T'your Betters Sir.  An. 
Here's a sufficient Man  
I do assure you, take my word for that.  Con. 
This staff was made to knock down sin. I'll look  
There shall be no Advowtry in my Ward  
But what is honest. I'll see Justice done  
As long as I'm in office. Come along.  Exeunt.   


ACT. V. SCENE I.  Sir Thomas Bitefig as sick, Jane. Sir Tho. 
NOw that I have made even Girl, with heaven.  
Though I am past the worst, and I perceive  
My dinner only grieved me, yet 'cause Life's  
Frail, and uncertain, let me counsel thee,  
'Tis good to be before hand still. First than  
I charge thee lend no money; next serve God;  
If ever thou hast Children teach 'em thrift;  
They'll learn Religion fast enough themselves.  
Nay, do not weep but hearken. When heaven shall  
Please to call in this Weary Soul of mine,  
Bened idle in expense about my Burial;  
Buy me a shroud, any old sheet will serve  
To clothe corruption; I can rot without  
Fine linen; 'tis but to enrich the Grave,  
And adorn stench, no reverence to the dead,  
To make 'em crumble more luxuriously.  
One Torch will be sufficient to direct  
The footsteps of my Bearers. If there be  
Any so kind as to accompany  
My body to the Earth, let them not want  
For entertainment, prithee see they have  
A sprig of Rosemary dipped in common water,  
To smell to as they walk along the streets.  
Eatings and drinkings are no obsequies.  
Raise no oppressing Pile to load my Ashes;  
But if thou'lt needs be at charges of a Tomb,  
Five or six foot of common stone engraved  
With a good hopeful word, or else a couple  
Of capital letters filled up with pitch,  
Such as I set upon my Sheep, will serve;  
State is not meet for those that dwell in dust.  
Mourn as thou pleasest for me, plainness shows  
True grief: I give thee leave to do it for  
Two or three years, if that thou shalt think fit.  
'Twill save expense in clothes. And so now be  
My blessing on thee, and my means hereafter.  Jan. 
I hope heaven will not deal so rigidly  
With me, as to preserve me to th' unmelcome  
Performance of these sad injunctions.   

ACT V. SCEN. II.  To them Meanwell. Mean. 
GOod health unto you Sir.  Sir Tho. 
I have the more  
By reason of the care you took in sending  
A Confessor unto me.  Mean. 
I? a Confessor?  
Sure there is some design, some trick or other  
Put on you by those men, who never sleep  
Unless they've cheated on that Day.  Sir Tho. 
I hope  
You do mean your Partners my good friends?  Mean. 
They ne'er deserve the name of friends, they do  
Covet, not love. If any came from them,  
It was some Vulture in a holy habit,  
Who did intend your carcase, nor your safety;  
Indeed I know not of't, drop reg've all this while  
Appeared another to you than I am.  Discloseth himself. 
Perhaps you know me now. I'm he whom you  
Pleased to forbid your house, whom Mr Credulous  
Takes leave to style lost man, and Vagabond.  Sir Tho. 
That I forbade you Sir my house was only  
In care to my Daughter, not in hate to you.  Mean. 
That I frequented it without your leave,  
Was both in love to you, and to your Daughter;  
That I have all this while lived thus disguised,  
Was only to avert the snare from you,  
Not to entrap you; that you might not be  
Blinded by those, who like to venomous Beasts,  
Have only sight to poison; that you might not  
Ruin your Daughter in a compliment.  Sir Tho. 
This may be your plot, and this discovery  
feigned only to secure your own designs:  
For it cannot sink into me that they durst  
Make mirth of my repentance, and abuse  
My last devotion with a Scene of Laughter.  Mean. 
They dare beyond your thought. When parted this  
Your Confessor?  Sir Tho. 
You could not choose but meet him,  
He is scarce yet at home.  Mean. 
If that you dare  
But venture with me home, I'll almost promise  
I'll make it plain they've put a trick upon you.  Sir Tho. 
Though every step were so much toward my grave  
I'd tread them o'er with comfort that I might  
Discover this religious villainy.  Exeunt.  

ACT V. SCEN. III.  Hearsay, Slicer, and Shape in his Confessors habit. Hear. 
COme my good Vulture speak what prey? what mirth?  Slic. 
What income my dear holiness? what sport?  Sha. 
Give me the Chair; imagine me the Knight  
( When I sit down,) and( when I stand) the Confessor.  As he is thus acting, Meanwell and Sir Thomas discover themselves above. 
Thus I come in peace to thy soul good Son,  
( 'tis you must give it Father; I am ill,  
I'm very ill; sit only now for heaven.  
My Soul would fain be flying, were't not for  
A Sin or two that clogs her.) But for a sin  
Or two that clogs her? take heed, don't so near  
Your last deliverance play the Sophister  
With heaven. A sin or two? why, drop reg've heard say  
You're wont to screw your wretched Tenants up  
To th' utmost farthing, and then stand upon  
The third Rent Capon. Then he answers me  
In the small doleful tune of a Country wench  
Examined by th' official, for the mischance  
Of a great belly caught at a Whitsonale;  
( I could not help it.) Then it is your custom  
When you invite, to think your meat laid out,  
You write your Beef disbursed, are wont to call  
For the return of it just, as for a debt;  
( True.) That two Chimneys ne'er yet smoked at once  
In all your Buildings;( All most true.) That you  
Are wont to keep an untouched Capon, till  
Corruption makes it able to walk out  
And visit the Barn Door again: I could  
Say much more, but I'd rather have you  
Come so much nearer pardon, as t'accuse  
Yourself by your own mouth.  Slic. 
How grave the Rogue was?  Sha. 
( I'll do it as strictly as mine Enemy.)  Sir Tho. 
I cannot hold; I'll break in as I am,  
And take my vengeance whiles my fury's hot.  Mean. 
Repress it Sir a while; he hath but begun.  Sha. 
Then thus he dralls it out.( I do confess  
drop reg've been addicted to frugality.)  
Son do not mince; pray call it Covetousness.  
( Imprimis It hath ever been my custom  
To ride beyond an Inn to save my horse meat.  
Item, When once I had done so, and found  
No entertainment, I beguiled the children  
Of their parched pease, my Man being left to that  
We make the emblem of mortality:)  
What? grass you mean?( or sweet Hay which you please.)  Hear. 
Me thinks this 's truly coming to a Reckoning,  
He doth account for's sins with Item so.  Sha. 
( Item drop reg've often bought a Cheapside Custard,  
And so refreshed my soul under my Cloak,  
As I did walk the streets.) Cloaking of sins,  
Although they be but eating sins, I do  
Pronounce most dangerous.( I find this so,  
I'd almost lost mine Eyes by't being justled.)  Slic. 
O thou rich soul of Roguery.  Shap. 
( Moreover  
I once sung psalms with Servants where I lodged,  
And took part with 'em in their lovely relics;  
Truly my soul did lust, they were Temptations.)  
What sing that you might eat? It is the sin  
O'th'brethrens Son; but that their relics are  
Whole widow's houses.  Hear. 
O thou preaching devil!  Sha. 
( Item I entered into a chandler's shop,  
And eat my bread in secret, whiles my man  
Fed on the wholesome steem of Candle suet.  
Item, which grieves me most, I did make bold  
With the Black Puddings of my needy tailor;  
Satan was strong, they did provoke me much.)  Sir Tho. 
Wretch that I was to trust my bosom to  
One so exactly bad, that if the book  
Of all men's lives lay open to his view  
Would meet no sin unpractised by himself.  
I will rush in.  Mean. 
Good Sir keep close a while,  Sha. 
I see no tears, no penitential tears.  
( Alas! I cannot weep, mine Eyes are Pumice.  
But Alms I hope may yet redeem.) Alms given  
In a large manner Son.( Won't fifty pounds  
Wipe off my score?) If doubleded may do something.  
( Can I be saved no cheaper? take this then  
And pray for me.) With that I thus dismissed him.  
Blessed Son, for now I dare pronounce thee blessed,  
Being thou'st poured thus out thy soul— The wolf!  
The wolf! God's-foot peace, we're in the noose:  
We are betrayed, yond's Meanwell and the Knight—  
Truly he is as good a man as any  
I ever yet confessed— don't look that way—  
A very honest charitable man,  
Full of sincerity, and true devotion.  Sir Tho. 
Patience itself would now turn furious,  
Let's for some Officers.  Ex. Sir Tho. and Mean. Sha. 
Discovered all!  
Religion is unlucky to me.  Hear. 
Man!  
Perfidious man! there is no trust in thee!  Slic. 
I never liked this Meanwell; I did always  
See treachery writ in's forehead: I well hoped  
he'd been in Prison with his wench.  Sha. 
leave railing.  
Along with me. There is left one way more;  
The Cat may yet perhaps light on all four.  Exeunt.  

ACT. V. SCEN. IV.  Sir Thomas Bitefig, Meanwell, Constable, Watchmen. Sir Tho. 
What gone? upon my life they did mistrust.  Mean. 
They are so beaten that they smell an Officer,  
As Crows do Powder.  Sir Tho. 
Watchman call you forth  
The Mistress of the house, Imprimis, for  Ex. Officer. 
They have their lurking hole near hand most certain.  Enter Moth, and Potluck as Man and Wife. Mo. 
Denuncio vobis gaudium magnum,  
Robertus de Tinea electus est in sedem Hospitalem,  
Et assumit sibi nomen Galfridi.  
Joy comes to our house. I Robert Moth am  
Chesen into thylk hospital seat▪  
Thylk basin of Joan Potluck, vintner's Widow▪  
And do transmue my name to Giffery.  
New foysons been ygraced with new Titles.  
Come buss.  Pot. 
Fie! Mr Giffery I swear  
You make my ashamed 'fore all this Company.  Sir Tho. 
Sir, if you be the Master of this house,  
You've harboured here a company of cheating Villains,  
Which we are come to apprehend.  Pot. 
Pray y' look,  
Search every Corner, here's no cheats. I'm sure  
The house was clear before your Worship entered.  Con. 
Make fast the Doors for fear they do escape.  
Let's in and ferret out these cheating rakehell's.  As the Watchmen go in and out about the Rooms Hearsay, Slicer, and Shape mingle themselves with 'em, being accounted Watchmen, and so pass without discovery. Enter 1. Watchman, and Hearsay. 1 Watch. 
'Tis very certain they are not in the house.  Sir Tho. 
They had no time to get away.  Hear. 
Why then,  
It may be being they are such cunning Fellows,  
They have the trick of going invisible.  Enter 2▪ Watchman, and Slicer. 2 Watch. 
There's no place left unsearched but Pots and Mouseholes.  Slic. 
They're either gone or in the House that's certain.  2 Watchm. 
That cannot be; the Doors were shut I'm sure,  
And so they could not get out; the Rooms than are  
All searched, and so they cannot be within.  Slic. 
I'll lay my neck to a farthing, then they're vanished.  Hear. 
Sunk like the Queen, they'll rise at Queenhive sure.  Enter Constable, and other Watchmen, and Shape among 'em, bringing in Credulous, and Caster. Sha. 
Most certain these are two of them: for this▪  
Old Knave, I'll take my Oath that he is one.  Con. 
Confess, confess, where are your other comrades?  Cre. 
I am as honest as the skin that is  
Between thy Brows?  Con. 
What skin between my Brows?  
What skin thou knave? I am a Christian;  
And what is more, a Constable; what skin?  Sir Tho. 
You are mistaken friends.  Con. 
I cry you mercy.  Sha. 
The Constable may call you any thing  
In the King's name upon suspicion.  Sir Tho. 
We're cheated friends; these men o'th' ordinary  
Have gulled us all this while, and now are gone.  Cast. 
I am undone. Ne'er let me live if that  
I did not think th' would gull me, I perceive  
Fancy doth much; see how 'tis come to pass.  Cred. 
Where is my Son God bless him? where is Andrew?  
Pray God they have not taken him along;  
He hath a perilous wit to be a cheat;  
He'd quickly come to be his majesty's Taker.  Con. 
I took one Andrew Credulous this morning  
In dishonest Adultery with a Trull.  
And if he be your Son he is in Prison.  Cred. 
Their villainy o' my life. Now as I am  
A Freeman and a Grocer, I had rather  
Have found forty pounds; I pray go fetch him.  Ex. officer. Sir Tho. 
I'm sorry that your Son takes these lewd courses;  
He is not fit to make a Husband of.  Cre. 
Do not condemn before you hear. I'll warrant  
Though he be guilty yet he's innocent.  Enter Have at all. Mo. 
Hent him, for darn love Hent him; I done dread  
His Visage foul, yfrounct with glowing eyn.  Have. 
I come t' excuse my ruder usage of you.  
I was in drink when that I did it: 'twas  
The Plot of those base Knaves, I hear are gone,  
To teach me valour by the strength of Wine;  
Naming that courage which was only fury.  
It was not wilfully.  Mo. 
I do not reach  
One bean for all. This Buss is a believe guerdon.  
Hence carlishness yferre. 'Tis a sooth saw,  
Had I but venged all mine herme,  
Mine Cloak had not been furred half so werme.  Enter Officers with Andrew, Priscilla, and the four that were taken at the Window singing. Cre. 
Now Sir you shall hear all. Come Andrew tell me,  
How cam'st thou hither?  An. 
Truly Mr Meanwel  
Told me that I should meet with Mrs Jane,  
And there I found her chambermaid.  Cre. 
D'ye see?  
Your chambermaid Sir Thomas; out you whore.  An. 
Take heed what you say Father, she's my wife.  Cre. 
I would thou'rt in thy grave, than 'twere the better  
Fortune o'th' two.  Pris. 
Indeed this reverend Man  
Joined us i'th' Prison.  Chr. 
Marriage is a Bond,  
So no place fit to perform it in.  Sir Tho. 
Send for my Daughter hither, we'll know all.  
What are you Sir?  Chr. 
A workman in the clergy.  Con. 
Yes, this is one I took at th' Window singing,  
With these three other vagrant Fellows here.  Chri. 
I was in body there, but not in mind,  
So that my sin is but inchoately perfect,  
And I though in a fault did not offend,  
And that for three reasons. First, I did yield  
Only a kind of unwilling consent.  
Secondly, I was drawn as 'twere by their  
Impulsive gentleness. Mark Sir I'm strong.  
Thirdly, I deemed it not a womans-shambles:  
Fourthly and lastly, that I sung was only  
An holy wish. Once more Beloved.  Sir Tho. 
Peace!  
You've said enough already. How came you  
To sing beneath the Window?  Rhyme. 
Mr Hearsay  
Told us that Mr Meanwell was new married,  
And thought it good that we should gratify him,  
And show ourselves to him in a Festennine.  Cre. 
That rascal Meanwel was the cause of all,  
I would I had him here.  Sir Tho. 
Why? this is he,  
Sir Robert Littleworth his Son, he hath  
Disclosed their villainies; he is no cheat.  Mean. 
God save you Mr Credulous; you have  
Forgotten me perhaps, I'm somewhat changed,  
You see your lost man's found; your Vagabond  
Appears at last.  Cre. 
Go, you are a gibing scab:  
Leave off your flouting; you're a beardless Boy;  
I am a Father of Children.  Mean. 
And your Son  
Will be so shortly, if he han't ill luck.  
To vex you more, that hundred pounds you sent  
To Mr Caster, Shape i'th' habit of  
A Country fellow gulled you of.  Cred. 
That rascal;  
Thou showst thy wit t' abuse an old man thus.  
As God shall mend me I will hamper thee.  
Thou'st been disguised here all this while, thou hast;  
Would I were braid in mine own mortar, if  
I do not call th' in Question the next term  
For counterfeiting of the King's Subjects.  
Come away from him Sirrah, come along.  Ex. Cred. And. Prisc. Mean. 
There's a Trunk they've left behind; I have  
Seized it for you; so that you'll be no loser.  Sir Tho. 
If you can find a way whereby I may  
Reward this courtesy of yours, I shall  
Confess myself engaged doubly to you,  
Both for the benefit and its requital.  Ent. Jane. Mean. 
The appearance of your Daughter here suggests  
Something to ask, which yet my thoughts call boldness.  Sir Tho. 
Can she suggest yet any good, that is  
So expert grown in this flesh Brokery?  Mean. 
O do not blot that Innocence with suspicion,  
Who never came so near a blemish yet,  
As to be accused. To quit you of such thoughts  
I did receive a tempting letter from  
That Strumpet that's gone out( as sin is bold  
To try even where no hope is) I made promise,  
But to secure myself, and withal sound  
Th' affections of young Credulous unto  
Your virtuous Daughter, told him he should meet her  
Where I agreed to meet her Chambermaid.  
The blame must all be mine.  Sir Tho. 
'Tis her deliverance.  
She hath escaped two Plagues, a lustful fool.  Mean. 
I dare not challenge her I do confess,  
As a reward due to my service, and  
If you deny her me, assure yourself  
I'll never draw her from obedience:  
I will not love her to procure her ruin,  
And make my affection prove her Enemy.  Sir Tho. 
You speak most honestly, I never did  
Think ill of your intents, but always gave  
A testimony to your life as large  
As were your merits. But your fortunes are  
Unequal, there's the want.  Mean. 
What's there defective  
Love shall supply: True, Mr Credulous  
Is a rich man, but yet wants that which makes  
His riches useful, free discretion.  
He may be something in the Eye o'th' World;  
But let a knowing man that can distinguish  
Between Possessions, and good parts, but view him,  
And prize impartially, he will be rated  
Only as Chests, and Caskets, just according  
To what he holds. I value him, as I  
Would an Exchequer, or a Magazine.  
He is not virtuous, but well stored, a thing  
Rather well victualled then well qualified.  
And if you please to cast your Eye on me,  
Some moneys will call back my father's Lands  
Out of his lime-twig fingers, and I shall  
Come forth as gay as he.  Sir Tho. 
I'll strive no longer  
For fear I seem t'oppose felicity.  
If she'll give her consent you're one.  Jan. 
It is  
The voice of Angels to me: I had thought  
Nothing in all the store of nature could  
Have added to that love, wherewith I do  
Reverence that name, my Father, till that you  
Spoke this.  Sir Tho. 
I know your former Loves; grow up  
Into an aged pair, yet still seem young.  
May you stand fresh, as in your Pictures still,  
And only have the reverence of the Aged.  
I thank you for your pains Mr Constable,  
You may dismiss your Watch now.  Sha. 
A pox on't!  
That after all this ne'er a man to carry  
To Prison? must poor Tradesmen be brought out  
And no claped up?  Mean. 
That you mayn't want  
Employment, friends take this I pray and drink it?  Sli. 
Sir, when you're cheated next we are your servants—  Ex. all but Shape, Hear, Slic.  

ACT V. SCEN. V.  Shape, Slicer, Hearsay. Sha. 
Lie thou there Watchman; how the knave that's looked for  
May often lurk under the Officer!  
Invention I applaud thee.  Hear. 
London air  
Me thinks begins to be too hot for us.  Slic. 
There is no longer tarrying here, let's swear  
Fidelity to one another, and  
So resolve for New England.  Hear. 
'Tis but getting  
A little Pigeon-hole reformed Ruff—  Slic. 
Forcing our Beards into th'Orthodox bent—  Sha. 
Nosing a little Treason 'gainst the King;  
Bark something at the Bishops, and we shall  
Be easily received.  Hear. 
No fit Place.  
They are good silly People; Souls that will  
Be cheated without trouble: One eye is  
Put out with Zeal, th' other with Ignorance,  
And yet they think they're Eagles.  Sha. 
We are made  
Just fit for that Meridian: no good work's  
Allowed there; Faith, Faith is that they call for,  
And we will bring it 'em.  Slic. 
What Language speak they?  Hear. 
English, and now and then a Root or two  
Of Hebrew, which we'll learn of some Dutch Skipper  
That goes along with us this Voyage; Now  
We want but a good Wind, the brethren's sighs  
Must fill our sails. For what old England won't  
Afford, New England will. You shall hear of us  
By the next Ship that comes for Proselytes.  
Each soil is not the good man's Country only;  
Nor is the lot his to be still at home:  
we'll claim a share, and prove that Nature gave  
This Boon, as to the good, so to the knave.  Exeunt.   

The EPILOGUE.  Shap. 
We have escaped the Law, but yet do fear  
Something that's harder answered, your sharp Eare.  
O for a present slight now to beguile  
That, and deceive you but of one good smile!  
'Tis that must free us; th' Author dares not look  
For that good fortune to be saved by's Book.  
To leave this blessed soil is no great woe;  
Our grief's in leaving you, that make it so.  
For if you shall call in those beams you lent,  
'Twould even at Home create a Banishment.  
FINIS.