A CURTAIN-CONFERENCE, Being a Discourse betwixt (the late Lord Lambert, now) john Lambert Esq and his Lady, As they lay a Bed together one night at their House at Wimbleton.  Related by the Lady Lambert to Tom Trim, her Gentleman Usher, (one well acquainted with all her Secrets) and now by him Printed for public satisfaction. LADY. 
O My Dear Heart, my Love and Joy, my own sweet Jonny, why so sad?  LAMBERT. 
Jonny! I thou mayest well call me so, for I have made it appear to all the world (For all I was accounted a Grand Politician) that I am but a Jonny.  LA. 
Prithee be of good cheer, (dear Chuck) and receive a little comfort from the embraces of thine own dear Wife, who hath a long time, as a desolate widow, mourned for want of thee.  LAM. 
Sweet Jonny, dear Chuck, and what not? am I not full enough of grief already, but thou the wife of my Bosom, must (like the wife of Job) add unto mine afflictions, by flouting me with such ridiculous Titles, as Jonny and Chuck, which in plain English is no more than Fool or Chicken.  LA. 
'tis a wonder to me (sweet heart) that you are thus transported with passion; I did not expect such strange kind of greeting after so long absence: I pray be contented with God's providence, you know that the Saints must suffer afflictions in this world.  LAMB. 
Saints! what dost thou tell me of Saints, who am as much a Saint as my horse; For all my zealous pretence to Religion, I expect my Portion in in this world, and let who will take the other for me.  LADY. 
Why? but (my Joy) pluck up thy heart, thy case is not so bad yet, but it may alter for the better: Thou mayst become a Lord again in time, although thou art now but J. Lamb. Esq And as for me, I think I may deserve the name of a Lady as long as I live by the virtue of Old Nolls breeches: But he is dead and gone, and I am here, and who knows but I may once more live under a Protector, which may chance to be thyself, for all the Parliament is now Rampant?  LAMB. 
Away fool, away, I have not patience to hear thee longer building castles in the air, and like the poor Cavaliers, flattering thyself with vain hopes, which are never likely to come to pass. I confess I ever thought to make myself great: And all my actions under what pretence soever, were directed at the Butt of mine own Interest; And when I turned out the present Parliament, I did believe I had laid a good Foundation to my own Ambition, and thought myself but a step or two below the Sovereignty; but my waxed wings were so frozen, by the frigidity of the Northern climate, that I could not move them, but was forced to fall to the ground, and now must suffer disgrace for my aspiring desires, being made a laughing stock before the whole world. But it doth not grieve me so much to be Jeered by the Cavaliers (of whom I deserve not otherwise) as to be flerted by such silly Rogues as the time-serving News-mongers, who are the Heliotropes that turn about with every Bastard Sun that shines in the Firmament of Government. But some say Col. Hewson must be hanged for murder if he be catcht: And faith I think it good Policy for me to hang myself: For so I shall not only cheat CHARLES STVART, but the Parliament also of their revenge, and then I shall be ranked with Alderman Hoyle in Montelions' Calendar for the next year: For notwithstanding the Act of Indemnity, I fear I shall be fetched o'er the Coals, ere it be long, and Col. Berry will not scape 'em for all they are the Badge of his gentility.  LA. 
But hold, my dear, be not so desperate as to entertain such thoughts, but hope the best: Besides, it is not your condition alone, but divers others are clouded as well as you, and some eminent persons, as Sir Henry Vane, and the Lord Fleetwood.  LAMB. 
Sir Henry Vane is now become Vain Sir Henry, his wisdom hath deceived him, as well as mine did me. And to say truth, the wisest of men may miss it sometimes. But as for Fleetwood, he is but a Fool, and I never esteemed otherwise of him; For my intention was to make a Stalking-horse of him, or (if you will) a Stirrup whereby to mount into the Saddle of Supremacy: But I was disappointed by the activity of Sir Arthur Haslerig and his complices whose subtlety I never dreamt of: But as for the City I never was in fear of it: For a verier Fool than Fleetwood is able to keep them under, so long as a Red-coat remains in it. Yet, to speak as I think, if they had but a resolute Lord Major, they would by't, as well as bark. And now I speak of the Lord Major, I would I were in his Coat: For notwithstanding he hath lost as fair opportunities as possibly could be desired to free the City from slavery, yet, I could find a way whereby still he might assert his Declaration of Decemb. 20. yea, and bring it to pass, in spite of this cantle of a Parliament now sitting at Westminster.  LA. 
But good Husband, since you are so wise in the affairs of others, I wonder why you were so slured in your own concerns: You might have played Have at All, and fought with Monck, or you might have declared for a Free Parliament, and so have made not only the City, but the whole Nation your Friends: Nay, had I been as you, before I would have submitted to the mercy of mine enemies, I would have renounced all my former actions, and have declared for CHARLES STVART.  LA. 
Introth wife, thy pride and haughtiness hath ever been a Spur to my ambitious attempts; and it had not been amiss if I had made use of thy help in the prosecution of them, since at a dead lift, there's no wit like the wit of a woman: But now thou speakest of CHARLES STVART, I was advised by a wise man, assoon as I had turned out the Parliament, to send for him in; the refusal of which Council I now too late repent: I confess (dear wife) that any of these ways might possibly have prevented my ruin; Or I might have asserted Liberty of Conscience, and then all the Sectaries in the Nation, viz. Quakers, Anabaptis●s, etc. would have flocked unto me as Bees to their Hives: And I should have been looked upon as another John Baptist, and forerunner of Jesus Christ, by the Fift Monarchy party, who expect his personal Reign on Earth, the time of his coming being so near, that Major General Overton, looks every day for his Landing at Hull. But what the Devil do I talk of what I might have done, since now I am undone? I should rather think of some way to avoid the storm impending over me: But there's now no means left whereby I might help myself, but merely to rely on the mercy of the Parliament, which I hope to find, being comprised within the late Act of Indemnity. But some may wonder why those that Engaged with Booth, should lose their Estates as Rebels, and Traitors, and that I and my Confederates, who really effected, what Booth and his party but barely attempted, should notwithstanding hold our own, as if we never had offended: Why, I must tell thee, wife, that there is great reason it should be so: For as the Jsraelites spoiled the Egyptians, so it is lawful for us, who stile ourselves the Saints, and people of God, to rob and ruin the Cavaliers, with all that adhere unto them: And although we are divided into many Factions, each striving to be greater than other; yet, since we are Brethren, as Simeon and Levi were, we ought not to prosecute one another to the deprivation of Life or Estate. But for all this I know not what the Parliament means, no more than they know what Monk means, in coming to wait on them with an Army at his Heels. He is a cunning Fox, and had need look well to himself, or they will Lurch him in the End, as well as they have me. I fear I shall go to Lob's pound very shortly, and, it may be to the Gallows after: But ti's good enough for me; I might have taken time by the forelock, If I had looked well about me: They say every dog has his day, and so I had mine, if I could have made good use of it. But I find Morpheus is ready to lock up my senses, and to give a little rest to my restless mind: wherefore I say no more, but 
Let him who thinks he stands, a fall beware,  
Since Craftiest Knaves are caught in their own Snare.    

LONDON, Printed for W. L. the Commonwealths Fortune-Teller.