A DIALOGUE BETWEEN Mistress Macquerella, a Suburb Bawd, Ms Scolopendra, a noted Courtesan, and Mr Pimpinello an Usher, etc.  
Pitifully bemoaning the tenor of the Act (now in force) against Adultery and Fornication.  Bawd. 
O wretched times! Our Trading quite is undone:  Curt. 
No Bumbkin, Swordman, or a Cit. ' of London  
Dares give refreshment.  Bawd. 
We must now be parting:  Pimp. 
For fear of stigmatising,  Bawd. 
Or a Carting.  

Now, in the name of Fate, What Saint is she  
That keeps a shop of public Brothelry,  
Harbours the sharking Lawyer for his pence,  
And (Martyr-like) consumes his Evidence,  
Nuzzles the damned Atheist, makes him curse  
Nature and Fortune, that his thin-lined purse  
Should be devoid of Crowns? D'ye ask what Saint?  
This Saint was sent from th'fiery Regiment  
Of Sodoms Apples, a lascivious stain  
To Virtue's habit, or a Whore in grain.  
A Purple Strumpet, Gangrene to the State,  
Earth's curse, Hell's bliss, Soul soil, and Angels hate.   
LONDON, Printed for Edward Crouch. 1650.   

Macquerella, Scollopendra, Pimpinello.  Macquerella. 
Mistress Scollopendra, I joy to see you, with all your lineaments about you; a whole Nose, a quick eye, (and I dare be confident) not defective beneath the Navel: whither are you bound Lady?  Scol. 
No matter whither, I cannot be out of my way, we may e'en hang up our Harps, now no more melody: By the faith of my body, I swear to you (Mistress Macquerella) I have not had a Cullee worth half a Crown to me this half a score days.  Macq. 
Ah wicked world, that I should live to see this day; a fine Age i'faith, when procreation must do penance in an Halter; well far the memory of the men of former times, who made wholesome Laws for the protection of Handsome women; men are now clean degenerated. Blessed be thy Soul deceased Sardanapalus, who mad'st Laws in favour of the Female sex, hadst thy whole leash of Beauties charrioted after thee in all thy progressions; and in honour of long Coats, didst wear a woman's Habit.  Pimp. 
Well met Mistress Macquerella, and Mistress Scollopendra, you are happily encountered.  Scol. 
Pimpinello, thou seest the sadness of my condition, I was not wont to walk thus accountered by Venus: I, yesterday, was fain to engage my upper weed (the Tabby Gown thou knowest Sir Matthew Mintz gave me) for a dinner of Green Cheese and Chibbals; and to day (if I will eat) must I put off this Petticoat. O the world's strangely altered (Pimpinello) time was (thou knowest) when I allowed thee thirty pounds a year sterling but to wait on the stair head to prevent the approach of strange faces.  Macq. 
I, I, then, was then, but now's now; not a penny stirring: we, the Citizens of Sodom, are like those Apples said to grow near that lake occasioned by a shower of brimstone, a child's touch will moulder us into powder; we may keep sentry at our doors, and Him till our lungs ache; ask every one that passes by what's a clock till we have brought the natural day to a period: All our sugared Speeches, and alluring Gestures, prove to no effect. The Act, the late Act against Fornication, and other Venial sins, 'tis that hath undone us all.  Pimp. 
Farewell all former Joys: as for eating, and drinking, I despise them both, my mouth may be sowed up for any use I am like to have of my teeth, and (save that I desire to die, (as I was borne) crying I would play Oedipus, and pull out my mine own eyes that I might might not behold the misery that is fallen, and yet like to fall upon the poor pensioners of the Placket: I have not the least employment, not a Gentleman now that dares, or cares to tell me, when the toy takes his blood, and desire a cast of my office: All's gone, all's lost, I'll even hang myself upon the next tree that stands in my way.  Macq. 
Be of comfort man, this is but a paper pellet, a nine days wonder at the most. What, Mistress Gigglesby holds up still, and Mistress Tatchet, and Mistress Fulsome do still retain their domestic Doxies, and are as well customed as ever, I'll assure thee, only a great disaster happened lately to Mistress Tatchet, to the great discredit of her occupation.  Scol. 
What was that for Heaven's sake?  Macq. 
Marry thus, you know the little Tib whom she took from the Charity of the Parish, to maintain at her own cost, till she should be of years to repay her expense, by the sweat of her— for want of looking to, hath so pitifully singed Master Mentula, that he looks like a cold Coddling, as much breath as would cause a Leveret to leave her hold, I'll undertake, will dis-member him: oh he's rotten roasted.  Pimp. 
Such accidents must be expected sometimes, flesh will not always keep sweet though you keep it continually buried in Salt.  Macq. 
Pray thee tell me (Pimpinello) for I am sure thou knowest, who of our profession hath the late Act put to the rout, and who have stood, and are like to stand the shock; God forbidden but some should be wiser than some.  Pimp. 
To answer your question, let me see:  
In the City 

Mistress Clark.  
Mistress Purser.  
Mistress Mange.   defunct.  
In the Suburbs. 

Mistress Filth.  
Mistress Puddle.  
Mistress Froth.  
Mistress Crack.   run away. 

Mistress Blear  
Mistress Earwig  
Mistress Dive  
Mistress Pick  
Mistress Front  
Mistress Fawn   Flourishing.  
But the last of the first rank (sweet Mistress Crack) ah, that name would crack any heartstrings made of wire: dear [Mistress Crack] in thy ruin my fortunes are for ever buried.  Scol. 
Alas poor Pimpinello: but sirrah, prithee tell me under what penalty do we lie, what penance is allotted us in the late Act.  Pimp. 
Pennance, say you, a small slight punishment, I wots, hanging, burning, carting, whipping, or so, matters of small moment, trivial things these.  Scol. 
Alas, poor women, who are suspended from that privilege the very Cats enjoy, who play and sport with their Tails, and yet fear no censure for so doing.  Pimp. 
Now you talk of Cats, you put me in mind of some Verses that one gave me yesterday.  Macq. 
For God's love let's hear them.  Pimp. 
These are they, A song.  
O the sad and heavy dolour  
That the world hath cause to make:  
Were I Democritus his Scholar,  
I could not, but of tears partake,  
The ancient privilege of Cats,  
With their Tails to be sporting:  
If a woman try,  
She's sure to die,  
Her paramour consorting.  
Woe is me, for the old decoys,  
And young Madamoysellas,  
Who unto sale expose their toys,  
Alas poor Macquerellas.  
No fee, for— now to be had  
No half piece for a beauty,  
Nor for you Sir Pimp,  
Your feet to imp.  
And do your Bawdy duty.  Macq. 
Out upon thee (Pimpinello) this Song is made in disgrace of us, and our profession, prithee wipe thy posteriors with't.  Pimp. 
Nay, hear it out, (for Martin Parker's sake) the last makes amends for the first.  
Now what remains  
Ye smock coat Swains  
So wedded to Devotion;  
But with each eye, to peep and pry  
And take a special caution  
How you do deal  
In Lamb or Veal,  
Raw, or ready roasted,  
You know your Fate, and the doom of State,  
As the noble Act hath boasted.  
See the Chambers where you sin  
Have neither flaw, nor cranny,  
No hole for any to peep in;  
For if witnessed by any  
That he did you see, and rem in re  
At the work of generation,  
By Cupid's Bow, y'are hanged, I know,  
For example to the Nation.  Macq. 
Well, well, (Mistress Scollopendra) he that should have told me this seven years ago, I should have spit in his face as the arrantest liar ever spoke with a tongue: For mine own part, since I must needs be honest against my will, I resolve to practise temperance, with my will; some convenient well situated Stall (wherein to sit, and sell Time, Rue, and Rosemary, Apples, Garlic, and Saint Thomas Onions) will be a fit Palace for me to practise penance in. Oh! I hate the thought of being branded with the letter B. 'tis ten times worse than the Mark of the Beast I'll maintain it.  Pimp. 
Oh! oh! now could I be contented to be thrown out of some window, though it were three stories high; to stand in a Pillory day, by day, for a twelve month together; or to receive the Lash from Charingcross to Whitechapel, so thereby I might call back the days of Yore. Oh 'twas a brave world when my Clients were so rich, and so many, that I knew not what to ask, or whose turn to serve first.  
When the Priests came simpering in  Macq. 
Resolved to turn the pin.  Scol. 
When Lords and Knights of Fame  
To dance Levaltoes, came.  Macq. 
When Citizens each day  Scol. 
Were glad to pray and pay:  Pimp. 
Most eager for to seize  Scol. 
Upon the French disease.  Macq. 
When Sack overwhelmed the house,  Pimp. 
While we did Healths carouse;  Scol. 
And Music in our ears  Macq. 
Beyond that of the Spheres.  Pimp. 
All's gone.  Scol. 
All's lost.  Pimp. 
Now trading now for me,  
Death is the Guerdon now of Venery.  Macq. 
Now I think on't, there might be a way found out to hold up our trade in spite of all the Acts in the world.  Pimp. 
For Heaven's sake how?  Scol. 
How? sweet (Macquerella.)  Macq. 
Marry thus, it is but doubling our doors, and providing thick Curtains for the windows; for the Act saith, that Oath must be made against the parties ere they can be liable to Censure; this will increase thy number, (my Pimpinello) and therewithal your wages: every door must have its Guardian, and those Guardians so politically dealt withal, that themselves (having they a will to be betray their trust) shall have no cause to swear truly: For example the parties entered into the Chamber of Delight lock the door; and lest any peep through the Keyhole, some other door near that (being likewise locked) shall give it a broad side.  Scol. 
Thou hast talked much to no purpose: the substance of all is, things must be carried cunningly, clandestinely, and obscurely, and then a fig for all the Law in the world; and by this means, what is intended for our detriment and obloquy, shall prove to our profit and glory; for if the old maxim be true, that the worst books of sale, when once called in, sell the best; this edict will much enhance our prizes, thou (Macquerella) hadst but half a piece before for thy permission, now a Jacobus is as little as can be given; thou Pimpinello hast had (commonly) hitherto but two George's for thy purveyance, now half a Piece, or nothing.  Pimp. 
O rare Protectress, let me kiss the sole of thy shoe.  Scol. 
My own salary trebled to my former rates; and this mutation we may well justify, alleging the hazard we run, and the inevitable danger of our persons in case of a discovery.  Pimp. 
O rare, beyond expression, this discourse is as cordial a comfort to my heart, as Clary and Eggs hitherto to my back, sweet Lady adopt me your sworn servant, in ordinary; I vow, if I stay one day longer without finding some employment for my teeth, I must even Mill some Ken, or prig some Prancer, and then I know Newgate and Tyburn are not far asunder.  Scol. 
Alas Pimpinello, all I can do for thee is to pity thee, myself am resolved to be far enough off from the reach of this Act, so terrible to all our tribe; I intent to set sail for the famous City of Venice, where I may use mine own, cum privilegio; nay, and be thought no ordinary servant as well to the Pope's Holiness, as to the Duke's Mightiness; there I will go clad like Cleopatra, far like Flora, drink like Drusilla, and die like Damovilla.  Pimp. 
I see then I cannot avoid my destiny, a short life and a merry cry I, welcome be the grace of Fortune. Farewell Mistress Scolopendra, adieu Mrs. Macquerella, pray Mrs. Macquerella when you see me take Cart, let me have your best Character.  Macq. 
Now by all the flesh of my body (Pimpinello) I pity thee, but cannot help, poverty parts good company: I must to my Warehouse, adieu dear Mrs. Scolopendra.  Scol. 
Farewell (my loved Macquerella) have a good heart woman, the Golden Age may once again return.  Macq. 
Never, never, mother Shipton hath denounced the contrary; Venus hold her hand over you where ever you go.  Scol. 
Adieu, adieu.  
FINIS.