A DIALOGUE Between the Two GIANTS In Guildhall, COLEBROND and BRANDAMORE, CONCERNING The late ELECTION OF CITIZENS to Serve in PARLIAMENT For the City of LONDON. — Odium, timor, ira, voluntas — nostri est Farrago Senatus. Beza in Calvin. Quia eam urbem omnino non sine franis ccerceri posse cernebat. Hook. Ecc. Polit. LONDON, Printed for the AUTHORS. 1661. A DIALOGUE between the Two GIANTS in Guildhall, etc. Brandamore. HOla! Colebrant? Colebrant. Vous avez, Brandamore. Brand. Who are you for? The Word? Colebr. I am for the City Chymes, like our Nephews at Bow great Clock: The Word's Six and seven. Brand. That's at no certainty. Colebr. No, the City follow no fashions; they may be Court-licked, and new dressed, like thou and I, but still we are in our old mode and garb; look as finely dogged, and more proudly fierce than ever. Brand. I wonder a vengeance how we came to be so fine. Colebr. O, I'll tell you, 'Twas for the Reception of His Majesty at His Entertainment in our Quarters: We were principally concerned, we were the Grandees, the Great ones in that Feast. I was going to bid him welcome in my own name. Brand. I was going to make a Speech too, but 'tis so unlucky a place for Speeches that I said never a word, but only by way of repetition I had digested somethings into a monstrous form, and (if Giants had been ever reputed for Scholars) made a large Oration of I know not what. Colebr. You should not have lacked a Second, for I could have found in my heart to have said Grace (as Hugh Peter's made Prayers out of News-books) out of Mr. Pym's Speeches against King and Bishops in this place. Brand. No, that's to be done yet: T'other morning at a Breakfast here betwixt Cavaliers, Presbyterians and Independents, they made such a quarter, that waked me out of a sound nap, with the loud cry of No Bishops. Colebr. I wondered what a God's name they meant, to be so fierce; never did Oyster Wenches with more strength of lungs cry up Walsteet, than they cried down them. But prithee what was the matter? Brand. IT was Election-day for Parliament-men to serve for the City of London: I thought King Oberon was playing reaks among them: I was never so feared but that at last they would name us two, they named so many. Colebr. We should have made ill Burgesses, for Giants and Knights could never agree, there hath been such a mortal feud ever since Sir Guy's time between us; that plaguy Sir Guy, I can't endure to heat of him. Brand. No, nor the City of tamer and more civil names of Knights, as Sir Richard, Sir John, Sir William, etc. I think on purpose to continue the quarrel, we shall hear shortly how they great, when the Knights are come to the place of the Combat. But how was the business carried? for I stand on the other side of the Hustings, and could not see so well as you. Colebr. You saw the manner of holding up their Hands? Brand. I thought they would have snatched my beard away so newly trimmed and barbed, that I was ready to defend myself with my Halberd. Colebr. The Antiepiscopal party carried it so currahtly, that both of us had not hairs enough to serve the Hands on that side. Brand. Then it seems they were the major part: But how came that to pass? Colebr. Why, did you never hear of the Covenant? They that held up their hand when they swore that, knew now to hold up their hand to defend it here: But here were of all sorts; some who had made the Covenant like an old Almanac, and had worshipped the Rumps Engagement; others that had idolised Oliver's Recognition; but most agreed in the Centre of Church-lands. Brand. Pray, were there none of such Tender-consciences as yours or mine? And I can tell you, we have been as well famed for Conscience (witness that byword of Showing you the Giants at Guildhall) as Kiffin or Barebones. Colebr. O yes, they came together in troops, one Pastor of the Congregational Churches brought a hundred, another of the Holders-forth led sixty to the destruction of the Beast: They stretched forth their hands as if they had learned the Strappado, or the Dutch Gesling. Brand. And who were they for? Colebr. For the Moderate party, as they call it; that's a patched Motly coloured sort, but whose complexion no way favoured the Clergy; they were indeed rather negatively against, than positively for any person; for judging it impossible to have such an Election there as Kiffin once had at Brainford, they only kept the balance in their hands, and when they had driven the Market, factoured for the two Factions of Presbytery and Independency. Brand. I had thought those two (like two Buckets) could not possibly be weighed up together. Colebr. Yes, there's an Engine called Necessity made with the Screws of Interest, that doth it secundum artem; to that purpose a Poet in imitation of Capt. George Withers Esq, (in his Lamentation over his Sacrilege, and an obstinate Rump that would not take his counsel how to continue their villainies longer than God had determined) presented me with a Copy of Verses (though Giants are no better friends to Poets than Poets to them, or the honest judicious Reader to Withers, or Withers to him) where you have the conjobling, consolidating or soddering of Presbytery and Independency most wonderfully expressed. Pray lend me your next lug. WHen Cuckoo Presbyter first robbed the Nest Of th' Harmless Dove, the smaller birds addressed Themselves to it, and having learned by rote, Found 'twas a harsh, rigid and untuned Note. But yet complied, while rubbed with Cuckoos mange, They took their Conscience-liberty to range; So they divide the spoil, and their lewd itch Fell scratching of the RUMP (in English) Britch; Whose blasts the Cuckooed borrowed Feathers ruffled, But since Halcyon, both together shuffled. No Cuckoos now, but Piebald Sir John Daw; Do you Kaw me, and I'll you likewise Kaw. Brand. So then, this is a coalition or collusion of both these interests, in opposition to all other: My Grandfather was no Latin Scholar to teach me, but I know and have heard oftentimes here, that Vis unita fortior— There's no distrust in a Halter. Colebr. That's plain English, but a monstrous Translation; for all that I know, it may be the rendering of Analepsis Analepthe: My Brother Giant Polyphemus was plagued with a fellow in Greek called No body, and I hear there's a little body one Z. C. as versute and confident as he. Brand. Those little fellows (according to Romance) always beat Giants, let's meddle no more with them, 'tis well Squire Dun is not of our Extraordinary proportion, but one whom most men's will fit. But what mean you by Z. C? Colebr. They are Conjuring Magical letters, that with the assistance of D. B. would have lain all the Bishops in a trance for ever, far beyond our Enchantments of the Seven Champions, that is to say, Dr. * Burgesse's Sacrilegious purchase of Deans and Chapters lands, grounded on the title of the Covenant; and Zach▪ Crofton '▪ intemperate zeal and vainglory of being its Champion against Dr. Gauden's modifying it to an honest, and (as far as can be) reasonable sense, made all this pother, yea, and disturbed us and the Kingdom too. Brand. Is that all? Colebr. No, these Paper Kites soared so high that they approached His Majesty, nay reproached Him, by fixing many undutiful (Scotch Covenanted) scandalous things on Him; by dictating an Authority to be legally residing in Parliaments, whereby they might impose Covenants, Oaths, & c. (worse than that Ex Officio) without the King; and at last, by way of imprecation devoting the prosperity, peace, and well laid foundations of a happy settlement, (nay not sparing the King himself) to a speedy ruin and confusion. Brand. Was not this He that used to subscribe himself the utter Enemy of the Phanariques (by way of Emphasis) to his Everyday Books, those 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Presbytery, the News-books of Schism and Sedition, which will hardly live a Sparrows age, so hot and violent they are? Colebr. Yes, yes, the very same; would make another glorious King, by declaiming against Sectaries, whilst no man like him was graced at St. Antholins' and Aldgate with seditious Volunteers; the stream and confluence of many boisterous unruly floods, diverted from their own current, running into his channels, oreswelled him beyond the bounds and landmarks of his Allegiance. Brand. I have heard say by some that make their vetdict under me, that Mr. Jenkins lacks some of his Courage, and that he will exchange it for some of his Cowardice; it's a sad thing any man should be fooled like Mr. Love. But I was no High-Court of Justice man, what care I. Colebr. That's a terrible fellow our Brother Giant of Presbytery, the invincible Mr. I— he smites such slanting blows against the King, that Mr. Crofton's lashes at— were mere jerks to them, this huge body and spirit defiêd once the Rump, and an Army of Redcoats with Mr. Love, but his great courage soon quelled, and he woefully kissed their tail, to save the excrescency from his shoulders, a head like a Mortar-shell stuffed with incendiary matter, squibed out every Sunday at C. C. Brand. I am amazed to think a fellow that so cowardly, shamefully, basely begged an unnecessary life of so rascally a Crew, should presume to affront the Majesty of his lawful Prince with such Ifs and Ands; such Disloyal, if not T— reflections, and undutiful reservations of Obedience. Colebr. You must style it (after them) the Christians manner of Subjection to Princes, according to the laudable primitive practice of Knox and Buchanan: But if ever Giant were a Prophet, let Mr. I— beware how he engages in a new business, for there will hardly be any room left for another Petition, or whidling Retractation. Brand. By these Men and their Artifices this Presbyterian Cabal was driven on: But pray tell me, with what countenance and behaviour the overvoted Cavaleirs carried themselves, I suppose they slunk down towards the End of the Hall by your Post or Station. Colebr. They had been so oft used to those kind of Defeats there ever since the Region of Isaac Penington, that they were as ready to drink a Cup of Sack according to custom, as ever: They said that that place was never reputed for any Moderate Counsels or Actions since Bodkins and Thimbles, and the Infection of Publique-Faith-money and Plate; nor was never like to be, till those reforming Adventurers saw the return of the Jamaica Silver Fleet. They said they observed some Ruffs there, who having learned from their predecessors [Nullifidians] to believe in nothing but Mammon and Idols of Gold or Silver, did so shrug at the Nomination of a generous royalist, that fleeceth his own back when he but pareth others with Subsidies and Tallages, that as if they had drank a Caudle of Molten Silver, or been stupefied with some great loss or bankrupture, they stood as still and as mute as stocks. And the most (through disuse of trade with Courtiers) having no Debentures to double upon the security of a Regal Parliament, and so not biased by a too great credit, had no such impulsive considerations to elect Royalists. In conclusion, they said the Court and City never yet understood one another, but were like the Constellation of Castor and Pollux; a rising Courtier portending a decaying Citizen, both never shining together. Brand. The one made all of air, of fine thin air, as thin as I know what, as thin as Puff-past, and as light as a feather: The other a dull heavy Meteor, which never ascends above the Middle region of Honour, that's to be Knights. Colebr. Knights again, away with 'em: Come, I'll give you another Stanza of Verses concerning the City and the Court, worth a score of Knights, if they were of Malta; but worth all the Brigade of Knights Oliver made: ' Tii to the Tune of, When Arthur first in Court began. THat which the Court from City doth distinguish Is nothing else but currant Money English: I wonder then there's so much difference now, Since th' Court's a ready Money Market too: This makes the feud, the Courts the greater getter, And yet the City's near a jet the better. Virgil. Metamorph, lib. 16. according to the newest Edition. Brand. Well sung Doggerel, you would make a rare Panegyrist. Colebr. What's that, the name of another Giant? Brand. No, a fine spoken fellow, that can make Harangues, Orations, bring forth such mighty births of wit, that thou and I am mere Pigmies to them. Colebr. What of this Fellow? Brand. Why, this Fellow should write a Book of this famous Convention or Comitia, where such and such brave Fellows were Candidats, and received the repulse, and such and such were Elected, and received the repulse. Colebr. Goodman fool, Elected, and received the repulse? Brand. Yes, and that will be an honourable Come off too, if it be only so. Colebr. What, you mean one of old Nol's tricks; who ever Shuffled, he'd be sure to Cut and Deal: Choose who they would, though never so Capacitated, according to all his Qualifications, yet if they were not for his tooth, they might knock at the House door, but no entrance; and this without any more ado, or the People so much as minding it then; The fanatics crying it was ●●act of Reason and Justice as well as Necessity. Brand. No, no, what the old established Law of the Nation will warrant; there are some private secret sins, which perchance had never come to light, but by exposing some persons to public view in such a conspicuous quality of Parliament-men, we subject them also to some more severer inspection and scrutiny, especially where the life of a man and his actions have been so notable—— You know whom: I mean? Colebr. No, but I guess shrewdly; I remember my late good Master King Charles the first, sent a Letter from Oxford to my next Master my Lord Mayor, and to all my other Masters of the Common-council, there was a word in it called Exception of some body; but I think that doth not reach any body now, because our present gracious Master King Charles the second hath forgiven all. But what's the business▪ Colebr. That's not yet fit to be mentioned, but it hath some reference to Oliver, about that ugly business which so lately received its reward. Brand. Well, let that pass, Time is the Mother of Truth, But hear me, I think I saw some strange faces there, which I never saw before? Colebr. Yes, yes, the Brokers in Hounsditch and Long-lane had good rates for the loan of their old Livery-gowns: I suppose if those Shop-books were searched, the names of several illegal Suffragets might be found. Brand. Did you never hear of one Ch●●●us, such another Wencher as Harry Marten, who at the Celebration of the Rites of the Bona Dea, to be performed only by Women in the Night▪ time, disguised himself in a Mary one stolen 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and for admitted imp●●ted the Wife of Cas●● during the Solemnity. Colebr. What of that? Brand. You shall hear a Giant mike a Comparison; Sic Magnus com●●●re Parva. This last Convention or Meeting was the great day of the Diana of Presbytery, which ought to have bean Hallowed only by the Companies, when some lewd Rumpers, and other Allegiance-debaucht persons crepr in in the formality of Livery-men, and deflowered the City of that duty and obedience, and loyal chastity (being the King's royal Chamber) which she ought to have kept inviolable to His Majestly. Colebr. Well said: But what became of Clodius? Brand. He was the richest Whoremaster in all Rome, what with Sacrilege and Oppression in his Government (which was like one of our late Major General's o● 〈◊〉 Command) he had heaped up vast sums of▪ Money▪ which they fleeced from him, and spunged out again; she work no doubt of or ensuing— Colebr. I hope so; I am ashamed of myself, to see Rogues wear as good clouths as myself, and Honest 〈◊〉 go in rage and 〈◊〉, while others wear 〈…〉 their fortunes on their backs, and wipe their mouths, and say, What have I done? But was not Cas●r in the mean while heinously offended at the dishonour done him by his Wife▪ Brand. She pleaded a rape and deceit, the second part of 〈◊〉, and his Friends and 〈…〉 Seat 〈…〉 the 〈…〉 injuries of such a high 〈◊〉 especially of Majesty, such a great spirit as was that 〈◊〉 invincible Caesar. Colebr. Such 〈…〉 that of the Honest thereof, have drawn up a short Remonstrance; 〈…〉 expressing their sensibleness of the Coolness of some men's affections to His Majesty in the late actings of the City, they declare they will unanimously with their lives and fortunes defend His Majesty's most Royal Person and Government. Brand. What the Fur wont, the Buff will. But I wonder what Evil Spirit haunts this place, that can so soon unsettle and change the minds of men; 'tis well our composure and substance is of a firmer harder matter, else we had been Roundbeads too, turned round, and round, and about again; but praised be Jove we stand stiff to our Loyalty. Colebr. One would think the City had had sufficient experience what it is to stand tugging with their Princes, they never yet but made a rod for their own tails in the conclusion. Brand. 'Tis an old restiness in them, the King hath ne'er such a generous Steed in his Stables, setting aside that incurable inveterate malady. Colebr. So it is indeed, all the bleeding in the world will never cure it. Brand. I hope thee and I shall be thought near the worse for it, nor other Honest Loyal Subjects, of which I dare assure the King here's good store, and more no doubt will be, when they feel and will willingly see the happy effects of His Majesty's admired moderation and goodness. Colebr. On some men that will make no more impression than upon us. Brand. They'll have the worse on't then, for that obedience which men pay perforce is the worst kind of Service, and I'll promise them they shall never Rump it again. Colebr. Nay, now they have (as they think) done their business, I believe the wisest of them wish it undone again, lot it may chance to pro●●●●● the single, sense of the City, whose Tunes are not always the best Airs, and to be universally danced after: There's a difference now from what it was last year, when it had the only lawful Magistrates within its Walls and liberties, and what it is now, a subordinate Jurisdiction. Brand. But yet they were very confident of driving on the Design; what else meant those Letters posted into the respective Counties? Colebr. They might as well have sent them by Tom Long the Carrier, or by either of us, it would have come all to one pass, for they were intercepted, and the Rhotomantadoes of Presbytery found in them, laid by for Waste Paper, and the Epistolars dismissed with a Do so no more. Brand. Marry that's brave; now had such a thing happened in the Usurpation, we must have had a Common-hall, and such a Plot discovered, such a bloody Design, would make me weep and relent to hear it; Mr. Thurloe or my Lord— must have made a Speech, and given the particulars, and then they must have gone home to their Wives. Colebr. And what then? Brand. Nay, I was never out of this place, I know not what they do there, but any man may suppose what comes with a fear, when all that Caudle, and Muskadine and Eggs can do, is scarce able to keep life and soul together. Colebr. I have heard a woundy many Plots here, where the Fox was the Finder; but I think some of them have plotted very fairly. Brand. So may all whose traitorous wits run upon such Designs. Well, and what think you of the approaching P— Colebr. 'Tis not for such Loggerheads as you and I to know or suppose any thing of that illustrious grave Assembly; but they say that the Countrey-fellows are such Malignants that they choose none but Royalists, so that they say, in stead of a List of Parliament-men, we shall have the Genealogy of Cavaliers; and our Folks, and such like, will look like the Members of the other House. Brand. You shall see there will be as fair a compliance, and as much good Patriot-work done in this as in any other preceding; such slender opposition as will by chance be made, will rather promote their zeal to their King and countries' Service. Colebr. I doubt not of it: But here will be before that time a Celebrity of a Coronation, and that will awe and six men's minds a little better. Brand. Would the City Engineer would have spared the City some cost● and set you and I on both sides some Street in London in room of a Pageant. Colebr. The King hath seen as already, and they can hardly give him any delight, or contribute to the magnificence of that day with any thing out of Guildhall, he hath been so recently distasted from thence. Brand. What the Devil shall we do here? We'll draw a Petition to be removed hence, the tarpaulins ever since that Election have continued such a bawling and clutter as if they had been chufing Burgo-masters for the Fleet. Colebr. Here's a fine din, if it were not for one good word when they have got their Money in their hats [God save the King] I should never endure it; it is a sad thing for us of this bulk to stand so long in Little Ease. Brand. Let's jump down when the Rogues have got their Money, and rob 'em, and go see the Coronation, it's but making a week or two Play-days the while, for we stand merely for Ciphers to be flouted at by every Cabbin-boy. Colebr. I, and purge ourselves as well as our Brother Swordmen. Brand. And go and offer our service to the King's Champion. Colebr. I am clearly out of love with this place since— I'll do any thing to be gone. Brand. I am well acquainted of this side with some young Clerks of the Sheriff's Court, I'll get you and me a Habeas Corpus cum causa, and if the Judges of the Land don't allow it to be just and Honest, let the King's good Subjects be bound as we are to others Ill behaviour, and have no remedy but patience. Colebr. Who shall be our Bail? Brand. My Lord Mayor of Quinborough, and my Lord at Basing-stoke. C. Agreed. Colebr. Thus we the Genii of this place, Rather than see a new Disgrace, Defenceless leave this thankless Hall, A brave Adventure doth us call. Brandr. The Lawyers help us with new Suits; Farewell Presbyters Disputes, And your late sad Reformation; Welcome, welcome Coronation. FINIS.