THE Disease of the House: Or, the STATE MOUNTEBANK: Administering Physic To a Sick Parliament. With the Merry Conceits of JOHN CAPON, his Antidotes Plasters and Salves to cure Rebellion. His Prologue on the Stage. Come, come, Me have an Antidote can Cure Your Body; me make't n●w head, set it on sure One, two, dree, four, five Generation, This Paper here, help your sick Nation. Pa, pa, Ne Purge ne more, begar 'tis ill— And to let Blood will the whole Body kill: Me have a precious Drugge in this same Box, Will Cure a Rebel's Itch, and help the Pox, Consumption of de State, and Commonweal, Back of mine hand, me can it presant heal. If guilty Conscience trouble you for blood, Take me does Pill, begar 'tis very good: For Perjury, for Steal, for want of Grace, Me can you Cure in does very place: Come Fairfax, N●ll, come Bradshaw and the rest, Here is a Medicine, gives you presant rest; The price is small; one penny, two, or dree, To Cure you all; and ease your Misery. Aug. 21 NOD-NOL, Printed for the Health, Of the Common - wealth. 1649. THE Disease of the House: Or, the STATE MOUNTEBANK: Admmistring Physic To a Sick Parliament. With the Merry Conceits of JOHN CAPON, his Antidotes Plasters and Salves to cure Rebellion. Doctor. ME f●el de Pulse of the State, begar sick, sick, sick; desperate sick; no Head at all; it swoons in mine hand; mafoy me have Antidote me apply to the Neck will cure presant; this is a Grand distemper in the Brain; begar all mad mad, mad, all England be very Lunatic; you find yourself not well; you give your Money to Knave, Jack a nape, Committee, Rogue, Thief, Cheat you, Cousin you, Gull you, make you believe de Moon is green Ch●ese; le Rogue, le Traitor, le Thief; Fie fie, fie! I Cure you for halfpenny value; apply mine Plaster to your Neck and heal you presant: Where is my man Capon there, why Capon I say; bring hither the Receipt for Rebels; begar me Cast her Water, find every Member in her Body Diseased, full of Malignant humour; be predominant in de Liver; make her fume and lightheaded, inconstant, ●a●●●…ing, and given to change, and mutability. Fie, fie, fie; Why C●●●●, bring hither the Antidote. Enter Capon with a Halter. Capon. Here Master, here's that Cures all Diseases in the curning of a hand: there can be no better cure for Rebellion, Regicide, and a guilty Conscience; I am sure Iudas ●as as holy a man as any Parliament-man of them all, and as thriving a man, and he made use of this Medicine; Nay, I'll besworn upon a Book, I have known it Cure a hundred; Apply it but under your Ears, in a morning, or evening, you will with one snick-up find ease presently: I am a Doctor myself, and have Travelled East, West, North, South, in all Foreign parts for my experience, know the Nature of all Diseases in all the Countries and Commonwealths in the World: This is Probati●● est; 'tis a precious Drugge, good for any thing: 'twill Cure an Apostatise Achitophel, and divers others have made special use thereof, and found ease presently. Come away Customers, you know not the Virtue of this; it will Cure the rottenness of your members; ease a guilty conscience; or the aching of your hearts; the bloody-issue; the consumption, and dizziness in your heads; 'twill allay the heat of your inordinate affections, the lust of your eyes, the evil dispositions of your souls, the perfidiousness of your hearts, the covetousness of your minds, and all ill qualities; this helps the toothache, the lying of the tongue, equivocations, oaths, and perjuries, and all the properties of an evil infected and seared conscience; this is a Medicine for a troubled mind, and helpeth rebellion, aches, humours inflammations, botches, scabs, plurifies, and the kings-evil; and all other infections of the State, or any member thereof. Mountebanuk. Run my man jan, fetch me de Viol. Cure the head of Madam le Parliament; Disease be predominant; must vomit up all; begar me will fetch up all presant? de womb contain all de malignant humour, devil and all; swell, swell, a pox all de Treason and Villainy, begar she shall disgorge all: Foh, foh, foh; mafoy, she stink all de World over: Run my man jan, in the Chamber, bring de 〈◊〉, de purge, de plaster, de instrument; begar me dissect her, me open all her villainy lest she infect all the World with plague, pestilence, war, famine, dearth, heavy judgement; Sin be de grand Cause, Heresy, Idolatry, Sacrilege, Covetousness, Perjury, Oppression, Cruelty, Murder, be the reason to mine all de Land; hang up Cromwell, hang up Ireton, hang up Bradshaw, hang up Cook, Harrison, etc. Begar, all Rogue, all Shacknape, Shark-dogge, be de father of her destruction, kill the King, rob de Shurch, wrong the People, Pill, Poll, Sess, Excise; begar, be all their Trade, nothing but Rob, Steal, Theive: all Knave, all Knave, no honest, ne Religion, ne Justice, ne Truth, ne Love, ne Sharity, all be bad, bad, bad, base begar, very base; Me try one, two, three Potion for recover her health, me make her spur; begar, her spur nothing but blood; me give her a Purgs, begar, her shit yellow as Gold; Foh, foh, foh, me give her another stool, begar, her shit Silver; give her another Pill, squitter, squitter, squitter, freequarter, excise, 〈◊〉, sessement, nothing but slavery: Me bid her speak, begar her speak nothing but de Lie equivocate, forswear; ne saith, ne belief at all; me think her do as her say, begar, her do nothing but deceive; her tell me of Liberty, her mean Slavery, bondager cheat, theive, lie, deceive, fie, fie, fie! Me tell her that her be very sick, bid her pray, her prey to de God of does World, the Devil: begar, her have all the tricks of the base Whore, me squirt physic in her Breech, begar, she let her tayse fly in mine face; Me tell her what is good for her health to Cure her, her send de Pursuivant with Warrant seal with bees-turd, her send de File of Musketeer, lay me fast by the heel in Newgate, me Petition, petition, petition, one, two, dree, four month, her ne hear, ne consider, ne sharity, base, base, base, nothing but lie; Mafoy vous 〈◊〉 Larron, grand Rebelle Anglatear, Traitor, Tyrant, Deif Dissembler, Eypocrit, Shanging; ne peace, ne quiet, ne Religion, ne Law; begar, not so much grace as will serve for prologue to roasted Turnip, be baggage-shade, bish-whore, wit●●…, sorceror, I●●zab●l, starve the poor people, ●e made, 〈◊〉 tr●●e, worse and worse, and none; rich but 〈◊〉; begar, have all ●y Goods, die Goods, Kings Goods, Queens Goods, ●ouse, Land, Shurch, all, all, all, be still covetous more and more; Me can no live, come to mine house, take mine money, ●●ke mine horse vorde States vat State● a po●… of dat State; one, two, dree, vou● Rogues be de State, de Commons of England; begar, be Common cheat, thief, pickpocket; Why jan Capon, where be de Instrument? begar, me will rip up her bowel, show you all her garbage of iniquity; do make God do what she list; do make ●hak-fool of de Common; pretend one ding, do another▪ Why jan Capon, Where is jan Capon there? Enter John Capon with Instruments. Now jan Capon, where have you been so long? Capon. O Master! I have been a hearing News; I met with them addest blade that ever you knew; I asked him, What News from Westminster? Mountebank. Wat did he say? Capon. Why a said they were all Knaves; nay worse, I dare not speak the words I heard him say, for fear of Reason. Mounteb. Treason thou wouldst say. Capon. I say Reason Master; What is Reason with other then, is Treason with them; the 7 deadly sins are become their Virtues and all the Ancient modern virtues, whether Moral or Divine, are become their vices; the Divil's turned lose, and all is topsy-turvy; there be them now, that can preach, cry, and turn up their eyes with such pretended Devotion and Sanctity, that the very Elect themselves stagger in their judgements; they make no more with dissembling with God himself, lying, cozening, and cheating one another, than I do to sell Antiables, 'tis but a folly to seek to cure her; for there is no hopes, God hath given her over, the prince of the Air rules her, and reaches her all Evil, Rebellion, Murder, Robbery, and the like; hell's broke lose with her; nay, the Devil is so powerful in her, that he intends to destroy Monarchy all Christendom over, and pretend Liberty; liberty to bring ones into bondage and slavery, and tie, and bind them fast unto them with the Chains of their own Sins, that so they may bring in Confusion, till all becomes a Chaos, and fire ●…s own Frame, or Nest, as it has formerly destroyed others; and then they will run to the hills, and wish them to fall on them, to hid them from vengeance, but all in vain: Bradshaw then will be deceived; Cromwell at a loss; Fairfax rue his former simplicity; and Cook roast himself without any CHARGE of the Commons of England: Can your Wills be Laws then? what prerogative? what power? what common-right, liberty, or justice can be expected then? what peace of the people, when they have turned all the Land into a consuming malignant flame about their own ears; Now jack Cook, what sayest thou to this? this may be thought a Fable; Bradshaw, this will one day make a greater noise than thy Drum in Grayes-Inn to waken your seared Conscience; then Cromwell, how soon will thy Nose be consumed, when the fire is in't already? and how just will it be, that it should burn thee downwards, as far as thy rotten dissembling heart; when thou hast unheaded thy King, and destroyed that Sceptre held in the hand of God: prithee, who shall answer for all the Treasons, Murders, Rapines, Burn, Spoils, Desolations, Damage and mischief of this Nation then? CHARLES STUART, or Noll Crumwell and his Agents; the Evil Counsellors, or the treacherous Estates? Who must answer for all and every the Premises then? there needs none to cry justice, justice, there; no false Witnesses need to be hired; no proceed, examinations; all will be laid as open as the Sun; and you must expect (without your sudden and true Repentance) no better Judgement, nor Sentence, but Go ye cursed Hypocrites into everlasting Flames, prepared for the first Rebel, and all his Angels. Mountebank. jan Capon my man, make no more Sermons, but truss up the Antidotes; begar, me have no Cure, the Disease be desperate, wicked, abominable; Me go to France again; forwarn mine own Country; this be dying Nation, lost, lost, begar utterly lost, lie in a deep Lethargy, be uncapable of her own good or recovery: Farewell, farewel, me have no more to do here: Truss up jan Capon, truss up de Instrument, the Plaster, presant. Capon. As soon as you will Master, for methinks I smell fire and brimstone already, let's away for heaven's sake; From the Devil and the Round-head, Good Lord deliver us. Mountebank. Aloon; aloon; a pox de Devil is here, me po longer stay, me take no Money here to day. john Capons EPILOGUE, and last Farewell to the perfidious JUNCTO. Capon. FArewel dull Commons, for evermore farewell, I cannot stay; these have made England hell: I am in torments, whilst I here do stay 'Mongst those whose lust doth bear the greatest sway. May pox and plague, and Egypt's Furies cease On all their bodies, and some worse disease Hunt their red Souls, and their high pride fling down, That murdered Charles, and trampled on his Crown, May agues, aches, gouts, and burning-seavers Consume their members, and do their endeavours To rot their flesh, till blains and sores grow in't, That they may spend all their wives Smocks in lint; Let no Physician, or learned Doctor spend A Pill, but what may send them to their end: May all their Acts (like Almanacs out of date) Find no sooner Birth, but sudden Fate; Furnish the Privies, or Tobacco light, To save the people's fingers when they S— Serving for Plasters to lay o'er their sores; Eat through their flesh, and glue up all their pores: Some new disease, that breeds good store of Lice; Devour their bodies; may their bones make Dice, For their own Children, to Game away their M●●n●, And the Re-mainder let them spend on Queans▪ And when they beg their bread from door to door. Meet with that Charity, themselves have to the poor: And when they die, 'cause they were never true, Pray God forsake them; Devil claim thy due. Your Friend and Serv●●●, John Capon, Doctor of Physic. FINIS.