DULMAN TURNED DOCTOR, Councelling his brother Dunce how to peerk to preferment. To the Reader only thus much. REad on but laugh not, till thy heart do ache, Yet grieve and groan for Philomusus sake, This locoserious Tragecomicall Rapture, is mirthful, though Satirical. Some wit with solid truth is here so mixed, Domocritus with Heroclitus sixth That sweet and sour, salt sugar in this scroll Is Physiek for the times, thy body, soul. took as a Paper Purge for one poor penny, Thy squinzees may he cured, if thou have ans. DVIMANS' documents to his brother DUNCE. Poor Dunce my friend, familiar, and sworn brother Whom I more largely love, than any other, How ere thou nicknamed be Dunce, Dolt, Fool, Sor, Simplicius block, blind- asinus and what not; For whose just brands I grieve, thou well mayst think As to see Geese go barefoot, Ducks to drink, Yet thou art dear, to me as Ass to Mule, As Goose to Gander, Buffoon to Knave Foole. Gnato to Thraso, Woodcock to a widgyon, Pyannat in a Rochet to a Pigeon. And for thy good, my brains I do sponge yet, To knock into thy head some little wit. Hence hear and heed, my nocuments for thy good, Lodge in thy noddle and right understood, My Cannons and my cautions, (though Sneak, Snake, Or Pest thou be) they for thy good may make. First then, thoughtimes be Luxate out of tune, As frets in Musics, Cuckoo's notes in June, Yet since that Medlars ne'er be ripe, till ror, Meddle not with them for they be too hot. When Pelican's flap at slames to save their brood, They but their own wings scorch and do no good, When aught amiss thou spiest, look through thy fingers And seal thy lips, close as Cathedral singers, (Silentians now) a Turkish mute, Or a dumb Ox, with worst times now best suit, Wink (Lion like) in policy yet wake, See and say nought, though mad work many make, Sir and be silent and say nought but Mum, It's the road way to make a woman dumb, Though in Scold-Allia, Giglitania borne, Schism Allia, or Tub Allia Gifts to scorn, As Micholl once mocked David, Jshmael Sarahs' blessed son: Heir to God's Israel. Look at most men like Lions in a grate, Yet come not in their paws at any rate. Live to thyself, and lurk in Cacus Den, Or in the Cyinks Tub, avoid most men, With petrarch, Tully, * In Tusculano penned in Country Farms (As our late Lipsius, * In Angulo agri. thou mayst shun most harms E'er any thou call friend, drink with him Malt, Dutch like well watered with him eat much salt, joab for jonathan, yea Asp or Viper, Lest hugde thou dance, too late without a Piper. Wed not with Courtesan, nor scold, nor slut, To Horn thy head, thy heart vex, bane thy gut. But if I may persuade the (as once blocks Daunc'r after Orpheus) fly stom Wedlock's locks Thou art a simple, stand and keep thy ground, Be not so simple yet, as to compound, Staggs, Bucks, and Hinds on Mountains will live free, Rather than saddled Horse or Ass to be, From Women steering then, as Siren's Rocks For fear of after claps of after knocks If thou with men wilt walk, as penny wise, For sudden rising learn to temporize, For to prevent Times shocks, are rocks and dolours Polip●ze Camelionize into all colours, J●st Proteus like, Hares Hedgehogs, wit do show, Changing their forms as every wind doth blow, More meal to milnes, more Fish to net this brings, Then begging in the golden times of Kings, Or Pirchus, Caesar and great Alexander, Who rich in Hopes, enriched each Commander. As Players than do cun their Cewes by hart, Smdy the gainful gnatonizing Art, But above all, for place, grace, gold and dross, Commence Dunce Doctor quickly at daws cross, And though the spirit of a vane delusion, Haunt the like Ahabs prophets to confusion, Pretend Enthusiasms, Raptures, and the spirit, This more than learned Arts, wit, worth demerrit, Above all principles of Matchavil, All Gusmans' wiles, works of Achithophel, All cheating coney catching Cards and Dice, Monopolising gets the in a trice. Reputes Friends favours, dust both red and yellow, If thou canst schisms broach from thy Hogshead shallow And though thou be'st but a fantastic Else, Yet this will get the praise, and silver pelf And plump thy paunch with wines, and belly cheer As if thou feasted by Lucullus were; Yea thou shalt be esteemed the vl wise man, Learnt Doctor worth a Goose, and thou a Swann, As rare as ever sung in Thames or Po. All Paganish learning thou wilt out shine so. No Gipsy, Wizard, Witch Nicromantizer, No Grand Iroposter shall be held a wiser, Lurk but in stables, corners, barns, blind cellars, Thou shalt more Clients have then fortnne-tellers, No juggling Jesuits wonderworking Friars, No miracle minting, monks mass, (ass) Priests liars, No Physiogmonists, prophets Magicians Quacksalvers Empirics, Mount-banks called Physicians And none by Palmstry who gull poor souls, Shall be cried up, by gandarized Nolls, Above poor the, a witless worthless body, Who play'st amongst them all thy games at noddy, And ever when thou robdst, or winst at hitter, Thou Knave oath clubs turns up, none doth it fit, To swell big as a Preacher (we I nigh burst Like A●sops Frog) if that thou have a lust. This above Kellies' Phylosophick stone, Or Fortunatus' purse: is all in one, As high as pews and Pulpits to advance Thy blockish Ignorance, proud arrogance, In Camps in Country's Villages, and Cities Whilst Phylomusus, though that he all wit is Of Dunce and Dulman shall be scorned sans pities, we'll make him sigh Elegiakes, doleful ditties, Hang down his head like to a bulrush weak, Or Cock beat out o'th' pit, who scarce can creak, Yea he shall see a moore-cock, poor cock, base Wise as a Woodcock, peerkt up to his place, By some wise as himself, who for him strike With armed power, from bodkin to half Pike: Thou and I will be jovial like mad Greeks', Spurning wits Arts, and learning like young leeks, No more esteeming Gifts, in best Devine, Then Dogs do honey combs, or pure pearls swine, Whilst Philomusus shall out mourn even Swans Doves, nest robbed Niti●gals and Pelican's, And Dowlands Lachrimae sing with sad cheers, Or Ovid's Niobe dissolved to rears, His gifts disgraced, silenced his parts Logic Philosophy and the liberal Arts All Mystic Sciences deep and profound, To profound Ignorance, shall now give grounds; Yea Elocurion memory quick wit, This Curtain gulf shall swallow up each whit, Greek, Hebrew, Latin, tongues, and powerful zeal, Hstory Theology shall be held a sweale But of a Candle, or a Candle's snuff Pust out: all took Tobacco like in puff, By us whose zeals do boil, like scums in por, In Ignorance we have a goodly lor, But in a spirit Eutopean far the more, These two the Goddesses be which we adore, With priests of Priapus and Venus Nuns, (We slight these Artists, and their paper Guns. These our Diana's great Apollo's be, Pallas, Minerva, and the Muses we Scoff as mere scare-crowe's in a cherry tree, By Rattles, Horses frighted are, not we Arts Idols were in Bishop Quondams days, Now Almanacs past date, to Mars be praise, Webetter web will spin with Rock and Spindle, Without all yearn, than Artists with wits nimble, We do but turn the cock our waters run, Our Doctrines drop from Clouds: the Spirit's our sun, O worthy brother hold we but to that, Then like to paper Squibs we sc●ffe their char, And to indoctrinare something more free, Thy dull plumbeous ceribrositie Be sure to hit the way to Dunstable, Then though a Scavenger, or Constable, Borcher or tailor, from the needle trained, To the sharp pike thou hast a trade retained, Will hold thy head up higher, than all merit, If thou canst bravely brag thou hast the spirit, (Though but of Iezebels prophets: Lucifer) This will advance the, place the, grace the far. My doughty Dunce, coin credit worship both, To gain, all spiried errors (though mere froth) As Damocles did Dionysius spittle, Lick them as Bauline, this will the gain, no little Exroll Paus pipe as Midas did of old, Thine Ass' ears may so be tipped with gold, Say Paetus daughters be more fair, more wise Than Iun●, it's the only way to rise, Cry that poor preaching Pedlars better ware Vent then rich Merchants, this will make the rare. But chief if any vent, the least pure wit, Riddle or history modest jest, break sit: (Though Samson and Elias did the same) Close sting them yet, they and their wirs, proclaim As froth, lose, vain: where thou canst, not do like, Bark, by't, detract, calumniate dislike, Sneak's, snakes, in blacks, died blocks, can emulate And teeth show, where they cannot imitate. Say that all Churches be but sleepled stones Except in corners cast, mongst holy one Learned Tub-tatlers, and inspired barn-bablers, This will the grace amongst plebeian squablers, Bray what thou wilt, more than Cumanus Ass, But in a Lion's skin, withal to pass For Lamb or Sheep though like a Fox too bad Thou smell) in a white Lambs skin yet be clad, For thou wilt ne'er effect thine ends in evil, Unless thou seemest an Angel, or white Devil, So in Religious Masks, broach plots from hell, Like Herod Ishmaell judas jezabel, Chief cloak all sects schisms, pests with fair pretence Of Liberty for sooth of conscience So the jews Thalmand, Koran of Turks, And popish Mass, may further thy worst works Observe all humours; but reprove them nor, For then some kicking heels full well I wot, Wert thou a Paul, would spurn the out of place (As Gadarens did Christ) would hate the, Barrabas grace Desert lies dead, the way to rise is flatter, To fall is truth Crows will do more than charten Even pick out eyes of those, their nests who spoil Michaes and Laban's roar, and keep strange coil For Idols refr; for Household Gods not Goods Pagans' have hazarded their lives and bloods; Therefore dear Dunce to sleep in thy warm skin No Schism tax, though hell harched nor no sin. Boy's will adore that Master as half God, Who casts away both Ferula and Rod, And liberty gives to jack to sport with Gill, To play the wantoness, and do what they will, Once get a Christ and then keep Holiday, Pure souls it is the flesh that sins not they. And yet I know without a Christ possessed, In body spirit soul none can be blest, Our Brother Mahomet, in his sect thus thrives Allowing lusts, wine, women many wives And so shall we: well brother cunn your Cew Now taught, and till we mere again adieu.