John Duttons, ALIAS Prince Dutton's farewell TO TEMPLE-BAR. licenced, June 19th, 1694. LONDON: Printed for the Author, and are to be Sold at the Golden Fleece in Fleetstreet, over against the Inner-Temple-Gate. 1694. THE Epistle Dedicatory, To all the Students in Lewdness and Debauchery. I Having made it my whole Practise in this studious Science, what I have found most agreeable to Nature, and that which hath given the most lengthening Satisfaction; I having studied every individual, pleasant, agreeable means, manner, object and fancy, not omitting any thing that could be thought necessary to fulfil the desired pleasure; and having had the theoric, as well as the practic, I have acquired to be a Master of Art in this Function, that, that as the Learned calls Momentary, I have by Artificial management, lengthened many minutes; but was forced at last to part with, as the Old Man did with his Pillow, rousing up the Spirits, and then with a Hem, or Sigh, give way to a momentary Stupidity; but by the heat and scirculation of the Blood, and every Vital being in motion, quickly recovered to the true sense of considering what was so lately past; and the true and just Merits thereof, where I was confused with the anxiety and disorder of the mind, to think of the ingratitude to my Maker in the Offence, when I had a Lawful means to lay this Itch; this caused such a smarting in my Conscience, when I came to a true consideration, how God Almighty has formerly punished them or him according to his own Heart, and that may be for only one sin; therefore what can we expect that have been guilty of as many as Sodom and Gomora; therefore to you Gentlemen, that are most Culpable, consider the cause of my Disorder, being come to myself, and desiring to be a true Penitent, with a hearty Contrition and resolution of amendment, desiring the assistance of all the Angels, that we red, do rejoice at the Repentance of a sinner; so, not only wishing, but Praying for your following of my resolved Reformation, which is the humble desire of him that is, Your most obedient Servant John Dutton. TO THE READER. Courteous Reader, IF I shall gain any Applause in this undertaking, I think it convenient to be so grateful, in the first place, to my Maker, from whom I have received Breath; in the next, not to be unmindful of my Education; First, from my Parents; then from whose Works and Conversation I have most Profited in. In my Nature, from the beginning, I was ever true to my Friend, many times to a fault; I ever was an Enemy to all Servants where I ever lived that were not true in their Practise and Trust; It was always my Temper to give every Creature itis intrinsic value, even the very Animal and vegetable. I had, when I came to years of Understanding, an inclination to Learning; and my Pious Mother designed me for travail, which I had an inclination to; but my Mother Dying the year after the Restoring of King Charles the Second, that was prevented, my Father having six of us to take care of, only some Goods left, an Estate newly retreived from the Rebels, lost again by her Death. I received no farther Schooling than my grammar; in Arithmatick, Division; So my Father told me I must think of some Trade, I being the Eldest; in which Trade I was so forward, that before I had been two years at it, my Father left me at that ancient, Honourable Family, the late Earl of Shrewsbury's at Grafton in Worcestershire, Master Cook, where many Weeks our Kitchen expense amounted to Thirty Pound a Week; our yearly expense was one large Ox a Week, besides all other Meats; our settled Family being upwards of Sixty in Family. When I came to settle in the World for myself, I came acquainted with Mr. Thomas Hall, a very good City Cook, and the only sensible Man of the Trade, who was a great Sufferer for being a Roman catholic( I being the same) at all leisure times I used to Visit him, where I found the greatest satisfaction in Conversation, and came acquainted with many good Books, and knowledge in them; and I have many now by me, that I have been offered double what they cost me. The next of my Delights has been Heraclitus Ridens. But the most Worthy and ever to be Honoured Sir Roger L'Estrange his Works, for both Divine and Human practise; how to avoid the drawing on( not forgotten) Miseries in matters of State particularly. So as the whole Work is but short, I will trouble you with no more, but Pray for my Bennifactors in general; and I hope you will accept the Will for the dead, if there be any mistakes. Your well wisher, and Humble Servant John Dutton. John Duttons, ALIAS Prince Dutton's farewell TO TEMPLE-BAR. From amongst the lunatics at Dr. Adam's House, over-against the Kings Head in Marybone, April 26. 1694. Neighbours, and Fellow-Mechanicks, THIS is to give you the True Reasons for my withdrawing myself from my House at the Sugar Loaf within Temple-Bar, after Two Months Confinement amongst distempered People, and parting with the best and loyalist of Wives, and Six most Dutiful Children, which at this time are Extraordinary Jewels. In the first place, I think it convenient to inquire into the Original and Natural Causes of my differing from many other of our mechanics, especially those Greesie ones the Cooks in general. In the first place, by my Father's side I am a Spawn of that Ancient Family of the Duttons in Cheshire; and the Beaumounts of Leistershire; On my Mothers side, the White's of Dorsetshire, and Turgis's of Ringwood in Hamshire, which the Whites especially of Fittlefoord, and other places, in the County of Dorset, had an Estate of One Thousand Pound per annum, before his late Highness Oliver Cromwell's Usurpation, my Family being Roman catholics, and Actors for King Charles the First, in that Unnatural and inhuman War, in which we had All taken from us for our Loyalty; for which my Father had in King Charles the seconds Time some small acknowledgement from the Crown. My Father being bread up in the Family of the Lord Chouerths of Ansley, in Nottinghamshire; there being a most plentiful House for Hospitality, it then being much in Fashion in this Kingdom; His Delight being most in the Kitchen, the then Lord Clouerth caused him to be put an Apprentice to one Duffel, a Cook, in Fetter-lane. When he was near out of his Time, he being very forward in his business, Sir John web of Canfoord Magna, in the County of Dorset, bought out the Residue of his Time. He had not lived long there before he came acquainted with Mrs. and White, the Daughter of Mr. William White, then Steward to Sir John web, whom he married against the Father's Consent; she being the Only Child left, and in them Days a Considerable Fortune, and a fine Woman, and very Young. This happening presently after the beheading of that good K. Charles the First, he took my Mother to London, to settle in the Trade he was bread up in, and took an House in Drury-lane, near St. Giles's in the Fields. My Mother being then with Child of me, he was but just well settled, when there came out an Order from his late Highness St. Oliver, to banish all Cavaliers from within Ten Miles of London; which forced my Father to leave the Town, he having been in the Kings Army as long as the Wars lasted, and left my Mother behind in London, to make the best of the House and Goods; she being forced to go to her disobliged Parents, and my Father to go to a Family of the Carells in Sussex to Service; in which Service my Father continued some Time; I being in that Time born; and had the Honour to be a Foster-Brother to some of that Family, my Mother giving a Child of that Family part of my Milk, when I became able to run about. I had my first Education amongst the Children of the late Sir John web, a Family we have all been much obliged to, to this Day, I having a Sister living at this time there, which received her whole Education from them. When the Clouds began to disperse, and Old neck came in a Tempest for his true Friend and Benefactor Old Noll; my Father then went to serve the Honourable Mr. Thomas Arundel, that married that Worthy Lady Madam Lucy, of Sutton Park in Worcestershire, where he sent for me, and put me to School to a very good Master in the Church of Tenbury, in the same County, where a Bridge parts this County and Shropshire. Then came that merry, musical Time of the Restoration of our exiled Prince; Charles the Second. Then I saw nothing but Mirth, Good Hospitality, Maurice-Dancing, and all sorts of Old English Exercises, with such a din of Restoration, that I cannot drive it out of my Head ever since. At this place I came in Fancy of Cookery, there being always for the Time of my Father's living, Open House kept, especially at the Festival Times of the Year, where I was an Eye-Witness, and withal had a Finger in the pie; and seeing such daily great Gifts come to my Father, and such great Profits allowed, and privileges to Cooks, that although my Father preffered me the choice of any Trade yet nothing would serve me but that; which I often repented, until now, that I am become Master of it, altho in an ignorant Age for Judges, especially amongst the Young Gallants; For if One of the Gang bleats, That there is a New House Open, and the best in England at Cookery, and came from such a place; That the Master thereof, to my Knowledge, never rightly understood it; Away they run, like so many Sheep to the Fold, or Pens; and there is One Sauce for All Meats; like the Quack-Dostors, One Pill for All Distempers. Then crys One Fopp ' This Fellow works himself, and such an one is always abroad. Then crys another Sharper, He is so dear, I will not go there; That is, in plain Terms, because He is indebted to me. The next of my Calumniators, and detractors, crys, He says in his Drinking, he can spend with a Man of Five Hundred Pounds a Year, and break him, says this Villain, that has often eat at my cost: We must needs expect to be cheated if we go there: Therefore what is all this but pretended Ignorance, or Ungrateful Returns for Civilities shown; when I intend to oblige them, that should not make a Wrong Construction of Favours received. Therefore This is Enough to set a man upon the extreme Resolution of Old Timon of Athens, that resolved to be an Hater of All Mankind, for their Ingratitude. But my next Entertainment shall be according to Timon's; that is, Empty Dishes. But as I have found some friends in need, both Men and Women; it is, and always was my principle to give all mankind their just due, both in Debt and Character; and wherever I have received a signal Kindness, I never did, nor never shall think I have made a grateful Return; not as I set forth this small Paper to Justify myself, but that there is many Traders now living near me, that I have dealt withal, and my Family still deals with, who have received many thousands of Pounds of me, and many others in the several Markets in and about London; and I boldly Challenge any of them, whether they can, or ever could charge me with any unjust Action in my way of Trading between Man and Man; if they can, I desire they would make it as public as I have this; or if I ever offered to pay less than Twenty Shillings in the Pound; nor ever was it my Temper to bait any man, without I found his Bill very unreasonable; but on the contrary, to the lessening my Profit, when I lived in that unfortunate place to me, White-Fryars, where I first set up to Trade for myself, being encouraged by the Customers, I having lived one year in the House before I took it, with the best of Mistresses, but the worst, the miserablest, and uncharitablest of Landladies that ever an Honest meaning Man had to do withal, although promised me other things, which you that red this shall judge. I first took a Thorn out of her Foot, and put it into my own, in taking a Lease in that place for one and twenty years, and paying down one Hundred and Fifty Pounds Fine, and Sixty Three Pounds per Annum, and had not above two years Trade that deserved that Rent; I entered upon this when I was Twenty Pounds in Debt, which no man could have done without the sum of Five Hundred Pounds of good and lawful money of England, entered clearly to Trade, and go to Market with ready money; but having the promise of one Hundred and Fifty Pounds from my Father, I ventured to begin upon Credit; I having the prospect of a good House well Customed, not unknown to many of their Greasinesses, that were then Sages and Governours of that Corporation, many of them now living, who then thought I had a very hard bargain. I kept the House one whole year a bachelor, then thought it high time to take a Yoak-mate; I having several Offers, but none that I could really like so well as she that is my present Wife, with whom I was in Love four years before; I could have had one with six Hundred Pounds, I being then Indebted Five Hundred; but none could please me but this, altho she had but two Hundred; and she has proved so good, that what she wanted in Fortune, she has made up in Goodness, that I may say more than many can, that I never yet repented my Bargain. Then came that famous Crew of Monarchy-Hunters, into great Voge, that never to be forgotten Doctor O. Tongue, Bedlow, and many more of those Saints, Whig and Tory, Tantivy-men, and such like distinctions, which I look upon to be the procursors of our late Disorders; these times were very prejudicial to me and other innocent People; I being then Cook to that Honourable Society of sergeants Inn in Fleetstreet; and the last Dinner that I dressed for them, was the Consecration of their chapel; the present B. of London Preached the Sermon; where I had the honour of Thanks for what I had done, and about the Sum of Forty Pounds paid me for the Dinner, and all that ever I did for them, honestly Paid, with an Expression of Pity from that True Friend Mr. sergeant Goodfellow, then Treasurer of that House, That I was not a Protestant, if I had, I might have enjoyed the place. This and a great deal more I suffered at that time for my Religion; and since which I must Challenge many of my persuasion that I know living at this time, that swallowed the Oaths, and appeared at the Church to save their Bacon, which I thank God I never did, nor never will for Interest sake; and all them that did, or ever do, I look upon them to be no better than Hypocrites, and a greater Scandal to the Church than I have been in all my frolics; mine being caused by Trouble and Loss, and in the Passion of Drinking and Disorder; theirs Premeditated. Now times were very troublesone, and Trading very bad, and I having every year a Child, my Friends and Acquaintance pitied us, wondering how we Lived to pay such a rack Rent, and such a continual Charge; If they had known all, they might have wondered, for I have wondered myself; I paying to a Relation in the City sixteen Pounds a year, for seven years, for one hundred and Eighty Pounds, the Interest thereof; and to keep my Promise with tradesman, I have paid the same Relat on several Times, for Eighteen Pounds, received in hand, twenty Pounds, paying it back at Twenty Shillings a Week, which in sixteen years time I can charge myself with the paying of upwards of three hundred Pounds Interest-Mony. In this sixteen years time I had fourteen Children; and one Miscarriage, a fit of Sickness on myself, which cost me upwards of Three Hundred Pounds, the last of my Physitians being the best he had in six Weeks time Fifty Pounds, besides Ten Pounds it cost me by-Charges. This Doctor was a Dear Joy, although an Ingenious man, his Name was cry, living in St. Albans Street near St. James't Square, and he was an hundred and five years of Age when he Died. Now dear Fellow Traders, here comes the Pinch, for like the Distempers that are long breeding, either in Commonwealths, or Mans Body, when it breaks out, proves fatal to either, if not prevented by Providence. Thus it has been with me, I having an opportunity of removing out of the Rebellious place of the upper and lower Alsatia, and Sharp iceland, vulgarly called by the name of White friars, meeting with a tenant as Fatal to me as my Landlady, his Name being upon Record, for an old Blind Bear, a Monster in Nature, who paid a Butcher once near two hundred pounds, he being so much Indebted to him in Contensious Law-Suits: If you would know more of him, he Married one like himself, a Widow in Suffolk-Street, near Charing-Cross, which her Children are the worse for. I went that time the Circuit, into the North of England, with Sir Richard Allibone, and Sir Thomas Powel, then Judges for that Assizes. I left it to my Wife to find out an House that she liked; and she, with some Acquaintance fixed on the House my Family now lives in; that is, the Sugar Loaf at Temple Bar. When I came off the Circuit, I liked the place, but thought it very dear, to pay one Hundred Pounds Fine, and to Repair all myself, which I was forced to do. As soon as I was entered here, I wanted nothing but a better and bigger House; The first year I had the Honour to dress the Serjeants Feast at Lincolns-Inn, called, The Prince of Wales his Call of Serjeants. The same Summer I went the Oxford Circuit with Sir Thomas Powel, and Mr. Baron R. and famous Dr. Burgess went as far as Oxford with us; this being something remarkable by the Doctor's Preaching a Sermon there; where he took the Liberty to challenge the whole University about Jacob and his Son Isaac; which had it been a Popish Priest, he must not have gone off without Stripes. Another Observation I cannot omit, Baron R. going with the other Judge in the Morning to the Church, and in the Afternoon to a Conventicle in private. And in this Circuit I smelled a Rat; for I found all the Sheriffs to be Roman catholics, except the Sheriff of Salop, and great Doings, and a good profitable Circuit to me; but I found little Resort of the Old Protestant Gentlemen to our catholic Sheriffs; but some Time serving Trencher Weathercocks, who are for that which is uppermost. When we came to Shrewsbury, being the last Seat, the Judges had much a-do to make a Court, for want of Justices, for many would not appear; some others were afraid of what was coming on; particularly, a Man of six pounds per annum was in the Town-Goal for Debt; so I had like to have been preferred to the Bench before I had been a Barrister, had I not other Fish to Fry in the Kitchen. These Fore boding I did not like; therefore when after the Judges partend; the one, honest Sir Thomas Powel, my constant Friend and Master, being always true to his Friend, and the best of Friends to me, went into Wales to his own Dwelling house; the other went privately out of Town, to prevent our being chargeable to him. For that Reason, to drive away that Spleen, I sent for All the music in the Town, and enjoyed myself until Sir Thomas his Coach returned; Then I lived like Prince Dutton, and traveled home with Company of my own Kidney, without the expense of one Farthing; which I cannot omit giving the Praise deserved, it being from my Fellow Servants in that Circuit. When I came home to the carefullest and best of Wives, I was received with that expected Joy that all good Wives will give to a careful industrious Husband, that is not ungrateful. Things of State began to gape for Change; and the Mobility began to cry for Liberty and Property, which looked like some dismal Change and judgement from above, which soon after happened, I being a Fellow-Sufferer in these Disorders with the rest; all things of Government going off the Hinges; the dismal Hubbub of the Irish Massacree bellowing forth, my House was marked at, and as well executed, had I not lived by an Eminent Neighbour, and good Friend, Mr. Child, my next Neighbour, considering Self preservation mixed withal, with the thought of Innocent Oppression, I had a Guard in my House of the Trained Bands, which I almost feared as much as the Mobility, they proving no Security to Wild-Hoase; but like the Mice and the Wheesels in the Fable, they keeping off the poor vermin, and plundering the Place themselves. After this came out an Old Informer, one L. which in defence thereof cost me near Ten Pounds: Then that vermin was suppressed by the Honoured Lord Chief Justice Holt, now Lord Chief Justice. Being full of business, and no want of Money, I left that K. my Tenant B. in my House in White-Fryars, run in Arrears of Rent Forty Seven Pounds, Taxes being allowed. This I could not get by Fair Means; I was forced to intercede with my Old Friend and Neighbour, then Sir Francis Child, one of the Sheriffs of London, to assist me in Forcing this Litigious Bruit to a Conformity; which Expedition that Day cost me near Fifteen Pounds, besides liked to be knocked on the Head by the Fryeronions; in which Action, them Villains giving more Ear to the Oppressor than the Oppressed; They and the Pack-Thread Council, a sort of Governours amongst them so called, wherein they did pass an Act, at a general Meeting, Nemine contra dicenti, That no Tenant should come into the House, whilst I was Landlord. Therefore I applied myself and Friends to the Saint my Landlady, whose Demand was so unreasonable, I was advised by my Friends to stand off, and pay not the Arrears of Rent, without she would comply at Reasonable Rates. This forced me to keep my own House for one Month until my Wife lay in of another Child; I was forced to come down into business, and comply with her Unreasonable Demands, which was one Hundred and Forty Pounds for Five Years to come of the Lease, which I paid; which after the paying of an Hundred and Fifty Pounds at first, and a Rack-Rent of Sixty Three Pounds per annum for 16 years; I will be judged by any of the greatest of my Enemies, the Slubberdegullions, or any other of the mechanic State menders( for from them I expect no mercy) whether they, or any other Traders but myself, that have, and ever had an aversion to any unjust or illegal proceeding, in what Nature so ever, would not have taken the Advantage of going lower down into the friars, when I was an Inhabitant there, and made my own Terms: And if I had left her when I was her Servant, in one years time she would have been glad to have raken 50 l. per annum without a Fine: she Forgets the Kindness I did her, when after she turned off the Old Carret-pated, tender-footed, blockheaded, Whiggish Lover, there came a brisk young Gallant, that sate up Night and Day with her, following the Old Proverb, how to court a overlay. This Spark pretended he was Heir to 500 l. a year; which set her Fustiness mightily upon the Fret; but I being a true and faithful Servant, made it my business to find it out; and found him to be only a Servant to one of the Prebends of Windsor; which spoyled my Spark's Intrigue: but he went off with a Diamond Ring, for which she had a trial at Law with him at Windsor; which may be seen upon Record. Now to my distress: When I had been at the Charge of removing these Goods to my House at Temple-Bar, an Attorney, that was, as I have been credibly informed, and is still a a true shoving Friend of Ursula's. The she B's Two Daughters, by the first Husband, brings a Replevy; I to follow the svit, employs two Attorneys, so called; one a pretended Romanist; the other, a City true blue Protestant; pays them Money before hand, being the sinews of the Law, in my politics, as well as the War, they have held me in dispense these 3 years last March, to the expense of 60 odd pounds; and all the satisfaction I have had, is a Writ of Inquiry, the last Term allowed me, with Cost; when there is neither Goods nor Tenant to be found. And my two Petty Foggers; seeing I am going to employ another, more honest than themselves, they sand me a Bill, which by the judgement of the Prothonitor, I have paid them too much already, which I shall have taxed this Term. In the next place, for my kindness to Relations, since I came to this House, it has cost me near one hundred and fifty Pounds, to Gentlemen, that I have not only lent them money to buy shoes to their Feet, but trusted them; and to one particular, most money lent, which I have Bond for; Interest and Principle comes to, from each man, upwards of eighty Pounds, the Principle money being due near four years: Another, a Pillory Spark that formerly kept an Inn at R— when Sir Thomas Manby was High Sheriff, he having appeared with my Wife in the Taking of this House; for his Kindness in so doing, altho my Wife Paid him, he desired my Assistance in getting him in to be bailiff of an Hundred, and being acquainted with the Under Sheriff, I was bound in a Bond of Five Hundred Pounds for his discharging this Trust, for which I paid in money, and what he was Indebted to me besides, upwards of Fifty Pounds: These Abuses and Disappointments, for my good Nature, driven me into a Passion of Extravagancy, beginning about three years since. In this time, amongst Strolers, Pipers, Harpers, Hopmerchants, with the little and great merry Grigs of the Town; not forgetting the many pretenders to Religion and Loyalty, especially one sly foreign Rogue, who drew me in to be Bound for him for thirty odd Pounds, and suffered me to be Sued for it, but I have him fast enough. This Conversation has cost me three hundred Pounds and more; which money I value not, for I would not be without the Knowing of the Vanity of my Fellow Creatures, in these and many other Discoveries, how they are Cullied by Bullies, Trapes, Sweetners, Sharpers and Jilts, which I have made trial of on a good Friend, and a Gentleman that I had a particular respect for; but I knew his blind side, he Loved, and was like the hermit in the Fable, could not live much longer without a piece of Womans Flesh; I striking whilst the Iron was hot, and happened to be newly acquainted with one of the most Dexterous of her Function; and one, as it happened, that he never was acquainted with, which I wondered at, he being an old Whore-master about the Town, therefore he was the more Eager; which at first she charmed him; and altho it was Sunday, we must to some House of Entertainment, which we agreed( being in Southwark) to Puntacks in the City; so, what with the Charming Voice and pretty Features, and witty Expressions, I found him fast, then I was well enough; next Morning betimes to his Lodgings I went to know his Pleasure: All business was to be laid aside until he was better acquainted with this Lady, which I told him, I would manage for him; So I was got into an Office; Nothing like it in that Humour. When I came to the Ladies House that Morning, she asked about my Spark, of whom I gave her full satisfaction; that day we were to Dine with her at her own house, which was very well furnished with Good Plate, Jewels and other Furniture, to the Admiration of my Spark; then lived I beyond a German Prince, not without money, good music, Vocal and Instrumental, good Wine, good Eating, Chairing and Coaching all day long: In a Months time, or there about, my Child, as I had Adopted her, and myself, had put my Gentleman to upwards of 50 pounds expense. She borrowed 50 pounds of him, and myself 50 pounds more, and this all in the compass of 2 Months. Now if I could, at the first coming to this Office, draw an Old Gamester into this Priminary, what could not I do amongst the silly young Fry? But I am resolved to draw in no more, for I have hearty Repented of this; and to my abused Friend, which he is sensible of, that if I had not persuaded him off in time, she had grappled 50 l. more. The reason of my Exposing this in Print, is to give good Advice to all my fellow Christians; and to show them what these caterpillars, and Pesterers of Mankind, these mercenary, Common, Jilting, fulsome Women are; I have had the Experience of them Night and Morning, Drunk and Sober, and know the difference at Bed and Board, between a good Wife, and these Prostituted common Strumpets; I having sate Foot to Foot, with Bottle and Glass, Bill to Bill with some of the best of them: When he that has Paid for what we Drank, has been denied Entrance, which Ingratitude is Natural to the Trade; therefore I not only wonder at all Mankind for this Folly, but particularly the Married Men, especially them that have Honest Women; Some Men I have heard say, The Women of the Town have such Charming ways with them; Why don't these Teach their Wives these ways? I am sure they may in a weeks time teach as much of that as will employ them all their Life time, and more secure and safe from Distempers; therefore let me advice you all from the highest to the lowest, to consider in time, for fear a worse thing befall you. I must relate to you, in the last year of King Charles the seconds Reign, I being then Constable in the Ward of Farringdon without, I was called to a public House in Water Lane, in Fleetstreet, there being Murder cried out; when I came, we found a Gentleman-like Man on a Woman of the Town Dead, and she crying for help; the Account that was given by the Woman was this, The Gentleman being in Drink, picks her up in Fleetstreet, and goes into this House, where, not long after, he died upon her in that Condition; The Woman was sent to the House of Correction, and soundly whipped. Now considerate People would be in fear of such a judgement as this, which is very true and remarkable. Now my Hand is in, I must give some particular advice to some of my Neighbours, of the Function; the first is, a famous upstart Aledraper without Temple-Bar, that is so proud grown, that I met him not long since in the City, and gave him the time of the day, but the pragmatical Fop took no notice of me; Another thing he has publicly declared in a Club that uses his House, That his Brewer takes of him 1500l. per annum, in which to my knowledge he is mistaken 2 parts in 3. As for his Burying place he has bought at Islington, 'tis well intended. But, I hear he is turned Merchant; and I would have him advice with Aesop's Shepherd turned Merchant; where in a Tempest he lost all his Figs, and thought it a great Providence in saving his Life: That has been a fatal house 30 years since for unsettled Spirits; for I knew two successively, when they had got a great deal of money there, left that House for a bigger; One of them, to my knowledge, came into whitefriars for shelter. The next, are two Neighbours in— Two famous Slubberdegullions, both, as I am credibly informed, guilty of Incest; one marrying Two Sisters, the other marrying One Sister, and making so much of the other, that he has broken his Wife's Heart. I have a particular remark on that Villain at the Sign of the T— His shuffling with his Creditors, I need not trouble you withal; it has been public enough several years since; and for the Estate he has got, you may judge how he has prospered; when I was Constable, a Common Female Diver met with a Gentleman in Fleetstreet, and went with him into a public house, and there picked his Pocket, and took from him to the value of 40 l. or thereabouts: One Walker, a Porter, without Temple-Bar, came to me, and directed me to the House where the Gentlemans Pocket was picked: I quickly made them find out the Strumpet; and when I had this Lady in my Custody, who should come to speak in her behalf but this Famous Sodomite, and was very angry with me that I would not take a Bribe, and let her go: For this Reason this Booby can never give me a good word. Perhaps they take it for Pride in me I do not associate myself with them. The Reason is, take them out of the Kitchen, they are fit for a Beargarden; Therefore to all sensible men I speak it; What greater Mortification is there, than the company of a hunching, pawming, mouthing, laughing, senseless boody, to a man of the meanest understanding, especially one that has been bread from his Cradle amongst Quality, and having lived in several of the best Families in the Kingdom, where I learned the Fundamental parts of Cookery, which is in plain English, good Housewifry; and if I have any Pride and Ambition in me, 'tis in keeping my betters, and them of sense and some understanding company, for there is something to be learned; when I am not myself I keep any Company comes to hand; therefore to all my fellow Creatures I speak it, from the highest to the lowest; Withdraw yourselves to yourselves, into a Serious consideration, as I have done for this two Months; altho it seemed hard at first, I now would not change my resolution of Temperance, for the best Estate in the Kingdom; I finding myself free from frightful Dreams, extraordinary intemperance of Body, having the true taste of my Meat and Drink, and that received with a Gust; every part of my body keeping true motion, without disorder; the fragrancy of every Plant, the Harmony of the nightingale, and other little Animals, beyond all the Scraping and Grimases of the Comaedians; being Natural, without Fiction; besides in the place where I am, there are 3 such objects of Pity, 2 Men and a Woman, the two men, one that had an Estate of twelve hundred Pounds per Annum, an ingenious good scholar, by the abuse of his Friends and Relations cheating of him, driven him into such a fit of Lunacy that he will never be himself, altho by an oil that the Dr. uses, that he learnt in his Travels beyond the Seas, he is much better than he has been; and to this oil I must give the praise, under God, of my Recovery, and I think it worth its weight in Gold; which if it were not for the Caution of Aespo's Ass in the Fable, Moral and Reflection, his putting on of the Lions Skin, I would advice some of our City State-menders, to come and consider well what to do; but for fear of being whipped with my own lash, I'll leave off whilst I am well. The other man having too, upwards of one Thousand Pounds per Annum, got his Disorder by a Fit of Drinking, and will never be fit to enjoy the Estate, altho a scholar too. The Woman's is Pride. One Remark that I have made in the Humour of the first man is, That he hates all Women, he being once in his youth clapped by one, therefore he calls them all Pocky Whores; and ever since that, the finest Woman that is he will not come near. Therefore, Brother Libertines and Sinners, since the Religious of all sides have set us together by the Ears, let every one mend one; and as you are scandelized, and will not mind nor go to hear your Ministers, take the early Advice of one that has had the theoric part, but more sensible of the practic, in this loose debauched Age, and do not defer to Solomons Time, for fear God should not except your Repentance; but begin, as I have done, the 3d Day of May, 1694, being my Birth-day, in the 48th year of my Age, the Day of the Invention or finding the Holy across, which this Day, and the Memory of the Passion of our Saviour, I have an extraordinary Devotion for, and ever had, when I minded any thing of Religion; begin first with Morality, without which, Religion is Lunacy, and mere Banter; that care I have taken, I thank God, in settling and providing for my Family, that is, in renewing the Lease of my House for 21 years to come, which I have done this 2 Months since: On this House I have laid out upwards of 3 hundred Pounds in Repairs and Improvements; I have left a Cook of my own Breeding up, that shall Dress a Dish of Meat as well as any Cook in or about the City of London, and other Servants accordingly that are fit for business; I have made over, and entrusted all this into the Hands of Capt. Johnson, my principal Creditor, whose kindness I shall never forget, in sending me to this place, whatever I have said of him in my passion; and he that will wrong such a Friend, as I am informed lately several hath him, it is pity the Law doth not make it Hanging, that is, when it's designed; and this that I have done, is not with design to Compound with any Creditor, or to defraud any one, for I have ordered as the Debts and money comes, to pay every Man twenty Shillings in the Pound; but my meaning is to preserve my Family, as it behoves every Christian so to do; I having exposed myself so publicly, and have suffered myself wilfully to be imposed on, when I could have avoided it, which is no better than doing ill, that good might come on it, which I acknowledge a presumption in me; therefore as I have lashed out of myself, contrary to my Nature, and yet taken time by the Forelock, I would have others take warning by me, and avoid the giving the occasion of such jesting with edge Tools, for a blot is no blot till its hit; but the Blur, as it hath been so publicly by me occasioned, as in Respect to the Religion I profess, I first desire the Indulgence thereof, and the Prayers of that Congregation in particular, and all good Christians in general, First, for the Scandal that I have given to all that pretend to Religion, or Civil Community; and that I may persevere to the end in this fully resolved undertaking, which in the presence of God Almighty, I do with as true Contrition, and as hearty Discharge of the Pennance enjoined me, as if I was this Minute to depart this Life; and shall, if God permit me Health, and any Prosperity, endeavour to make such Satisfaction as my Circumstance shall allow; therefore, to lay a sure Foundation, that I may not falter in this Pious Undertaking, I have resolved, and prepared, and settled my concerns accordingly, to withdraw myself into the Country for this Summer, where my Friends and Family shall, as often as the conveniency of the place will allow, hear from me. This I do against the consent of the principal part of my Creditors; but I do it with an intent to Habit myself to a more orderly Course of Life, I being not certain of my own Strength. Dear fellow Creatures, I conclude with a hearty concern for all that led these vicious sort of Lives, for want of a serious Consideration, and their bellowing at the Government, which is only for more Plenty, that they may be more Riotous, I would advice you to mend your Lives, and be Subject and Obedient, and live Peaceable under such Government as God Almighty permits to be over you, for that I have found all along most Peaceable; this I speak not to any in particular, but to the general, especially them of my own persuasion, that are most Culpable, which hath often troubled me, to see them so constant at chapel, and the most wicked in Conversation; and them that I have been the most beholding to, for their Calumniating, Detracting, and Deceiving in general, which I pray God may forgive them, for I do. So hoping that some one may profit by my example, if so, I shall not think this last Week of time spent in this serious Work, to be ill bestowed, with my giving God the Glory in making me sensible of my past offences. I remain a well wisher to the English Monarchy, anciently established by Law, since the Reformation, against all foreign Powers, Spiritual or Temporal; in an Hostile manner; and I desire that I, and my Family may be sheltered under the Wings of the Church of England, anciently Established, whom I have found my truest and best Friends. But being willing to Publish the most Pithy and sensible reason of my withdrawing myself from my Family, with submission to the public, I will venture a little farther into the Wilderness with Aesop's Ass, but as near as I can, I will have a care of being beaten with my own Basting Ladle: The Reason is as followeth, I having Married one of the Church of England, which I never liked her the worse, she being of the Old Stamp, and doth as she always did, live up to what she ever did pretend to, and that very Zealously when occasion has required. l keeping a public House, it is common Prudence to be civil and respectful to all People; but to some particularly, that I am, and have been obliged to, which it being not only Requisite, but grateful to appear in this Company, which if any Argument of News has presented, especially that which hath touched my Loyalty, being despisingly delivered, and the Assertion falsely and Irreverendly grounded, and so Irreligiously managed, and especially upon the best of Masters, and truest of Friends; I have not had the patience, but to withdraw myself into some private room with Tears in my Eyes, and much ado to govern myself within the bounds of civil behaviour; but when I come to myself to consider my own offences, and others, is the occasion of it, it gives my great Soul and Loyal Spirits some relief, but it leaves a coolness in the Conversation afterwards; therefore as I have a natural Aversion to Hypocrisy even from the Duke, to the Linkman, I have taken the more positive resolution in this Affair, and when I can more freely command my own Labours, I may return again if God permit my Life so long; and altho I leave my All behind me, yet I carry Simonides's Wealth in the Fable, after his shipwreck, being contented in my Misfortunes, I leave the rest to Providence. Now I conclude with my last whim on the 3d of May, before mentioned, I prepared a Treat that came to nigh 10l. with only 1s. in my pocket; and to take leave of the Vanity and Extravagancy of the Age, I invited some Gentlemen of the Temple, that I have an Esteem for, and are not Reflected on in these Papers, and some Ladies, whose Conversation, I hope, proved not ungrateful to them, with a Consort of music, but I happened into a rude and ungrateful House, which I choose for Privacy and Conveniency, which stopped me for a Reckoning of one and twenty Shillings, being part of the whole Reckoning, altho they had three times the value in Goods in and about their House that I brought in: This House, is a Wine-house near the Stables in Summerset House, by the Water side, where when the Portagues was Master; and living, I have drank the best of Port Wines; but now you may have as good in any hedge Tavern in any part of the Town; I being forced to withdraw myself from my Company to consider what to do, I could have had 3 times the money of several in the Company, but I would not ask at such a time, when it would look like a design, to give Roast Meat, and beat them with the Spit. It was a great disappointment to lose that Conversation I so much delighted in; but I bore it patiently, knowing it the only means towards a Reformation; but the most sensible ingratitude was, I sent to one of St. Paul's cursed money Tellers in Gerard Street, a Black Boy without, and a very black Soul within( I am afraid) a parcel of Books, that I will not take 10l. for them, to sand what he thought fit, and his money to be repaid in a Month, with the Extortion of 6d. per Month, for 20 Shillings; and he knows that he, and his Family has been not a little obliged to me. Another of our catholic Crew, a Mealman, that at any time would take a Treat without Scruple of Conscience, but not one penny for me in my Necessity, but very sorry for my condition; my own Family the same: it being so, I will now look to myself, and live better than ever I have done, and free from Care. The next, and last is my Advice to the Fair Sex in general; but first the encumbered, that they would take care in giving their Lectures according to the Temper and Condition of their yoke mates Disorder, and at this time, manage with discretion; for many by their mismanagement make the Remedy worse than the Disease. This I am not willing to Enlarge too much upon, for fear of touching near home. As for the Merry Grigs, in all my Travels, I have found great Errors amongst them; I know but one that I have any Value for, she having been my best and most true Friend, which I cannot omit taking notice of; and indeed she is the most grateful and obliging of the whole Sex, and her Conversation is all that I ever coveted, but I am proud to be under her Command, which as far as I am capable, I shall, and ever will endeavour to be serviceable, she having been my most true Friend in my Necessity. I could make this Discourse much larger, but knowing the Temper of the Age, as not for reading large Books, I rest here, Your Humble Servant, and well Wisher, JOHN DUTTON Then farewell all you old Ingenious, This ungrateful Age is so Abstenious, That old fashioned Chaucers English, Charmingly like Oracle spoken; Pish, 'Tis all Time and Labour lost; I could Wish our Genius now were not so could, In not considering well our Future State, But leave all Holy Practise till too late. Our Learned Hudibras did foretell many Accidents, that are our present Destiny; In giving way to Swearing, Lying, Evil Habits that are encouraged by the Devil. Precursers of that Antichristian Crew, Who in their Nature will give none their due Like Dog turn to his Vomit, laps up his spew, Disloyal to their Maker, and were never true. If you would know more of an Impetuous Woman, look into Aesop's Fable, Moral and Reflection, of Black-Birds and Thrushes; and another between the tailor and his Wife, she calling him Prick louse; and when he ducked her under water, that she could not speak, she acted her Part with nicking her Thumbs above the Water: This has been my case, and that too often, with Reflecting on Religion, which is a misfortune to mary into a contrary Religion. All you that love your Peace, take pity on me, for this ungoverned Member in Woman, called the Tongue, which hath caused my taking rash Oaths, never to live with that which I only Loved; and I have not only said, but swore, never to Cohabit with her any more in this Life. POSTSCRIPT. I Think it very necessary to give an Account of my Behaviour since my resolved Reformation. To gratify the whole, but more in particular, the most private Inquisitors into others manners and behaviour, and the most public Neglecters of their own; I must confess, according to the public Vogue of the World, there has been little sign of Amendment; but the reason is, the narrowness of my Circumstances hath prevented my Publishing this Work sooner; and having blasted my Credit, I can have nothing without the ready penny; and then my general Conversation hath been amongst some particular People of most Notorious famed; the Age being very Censorious; altho in these matters, I must compare myself to be something like a Trunkmaker, in making a great deal of Hammering, before I strike any Nail on the Head; indeed my Life hath been for these four years last past, a Farce, I having been pointed at as I have walked along the Streets, for a Madman, and no Mad-man; a Prince, and no Prince, a Sotio, and no Sotio, a Libertine, and no Libertine, but the most like old Timon of all these; So that I am in a confusion within myself many times, whether I am Dead or Living; the whole Kingdom seems to me to be an enchanted iceland; when I seriously consider, I have praised God, that I have escaped being put into Bedlam. If I speak a sensible word, it's Madness; if Swear, nay, say what I will, or carry myself with all the Sedateness possible, it is all Lunacy: So I am resolved to let the Jest go on, and make myself merry with the Thoughts of what hath past, and make myself as Easy, as my genius will allow; for I must believe all my Writings and Protestations will be looked upon but panegyric; and if it turns to my expected Benefit, I hope you will all in general give the Gainer leave to smile. I must desire all good People to judge Charitably of me, it being not in my power to subsist without the Conversation of a Witty, Cleanly, Airy Woman, altho indifferently Beautiful; for I look upon all Mankind of sense, Health, and good Humour to be like the World, before it was Modelized, a Massy lump of Earth, without the Conversation of Women: Do but consider all History, both Divine and Human, the Wisdom of God Almighty, in making Woman at second Thought, to try the Loyalty of Man, he proving false, Woman was made choice of; Then consider the great abridgement and Alterations in the World since its Creation; caused by Woman. I will not run too far on this Subject, for fear of running myself a ground; therefore farewell until the next occasion, which I hope will not happen on this Account. FINIS.