THE EIGHTH Liberal Science: OR A new-found-ART and ORDER OF DRINKING. WITH A true Description of their School and Library, the Degrees taken there, The Tongues Studied there, The several Titles proper to the Professors of that Art, both Civil and marshal, Viz. To The university men. The Inns of Court and Chancery. The Army and soldiery. The Sea men, or Seller-service-men. Also, Penal Statutes enacted in Drinking, Proverbs used amongst them, with divers Stories of such whom immoderate Drinking hath made ridiculous. London, Printed by B. A. near the Upper Pump in Grub-street, 1650. man drinking I hold that I love, As here you may see, Yet love not too much Lest you be like me. The new DISCIPLINE Or School of Drunkards. THe devil is the father of lies, and Drunkenness the Author of mischiefs; yet saith our witty drunkards the devil cannot be our father. For the ancient Proverb saith, in vino veritas, in wine there is truth; the Drunkard tells truth, which speaks us to be of no kin to the devil; indeed there is no such 'vice but he that is accustomend to it hath a colour for it. The original or beginning of Drunkenness hath been much disputed among our Bachanalians, but generally concluded in Noah, and if there if had its rise, it brought forth with it that accursed sin of incest, which was the cause of divers other sins not much inferior from all which I do hearty pray this Nation may be acquitted of. There is no Nation or kingdom that is totally clear of this 'vice; and this Nation of ours, now taken to be most addicted to it, that our accustomend terms and phrases used in our quaffing cups, by other Nations are cast in our dishes. Yet to let those Nations know, they come not far short of us, I will give you a taste of their vinosity. The Danes have mad● a profession thereof from Antiquity, and ar● the first upon Record that brought their wassel-bowls, and elbow deep healths into this land: it would ask too long a discourse to tell when and how the Swethians, Norwayians, Finlander, Loplander, Greenlander, with other inferior nations, all bread in could climates, love to warm themselves within, and where Wine is wanting they have confections made of honey, and other ingredients, with which they will drink themselves so far out of their sences, that though they be uncovered upon the Ice or frozen earth hide with snow in the very depth of their winter yet for the present they are not sensible of the bitter weather, or airs distemperature. It is further observed that the Cooler the climates are, the more the inhabitants are addicted to strong and intoxicating drinks, of which they provide themselves great plenty and much variety. The Italians are something moderate; yet at certain times, either at the Celebration of public Feasts, or private Banquets, they will take their rouse freely though not commonly. The French are our neighbours, I will spare to speak much of them, but it seems they love the best of their own Grapes so well that they keep the choice and chief wines to themselves, and sand the smallest and refuse into England and other Countries. The Spaniards notwithstanding they have such choice and plenty, yet are they to be commended for their temperance, drunkenness being a 'vice, so much hated generally amongst them, that whosoever hath been noted to be a Delinquent in that kind, he is neither admitted to be of any jury, neither in his best sobriety will his evidence be taken in any matter of controversy. The Transilvanians, Wallachians, Hungarians, Bohemians, Polanders, &c. for the most part drink after the Dutch, neither can any of these free Principalities and Provinces belonging to the Empire be freed of the great aspersion, which is laid upon whole Germany in general. The Russian, hath his quasse. The Scot, his ale. The welsh, Metheglin. The Irish Vsqueba'h, and none of these but hath sometimes the operation to make midday, look with them like midnight. But from other nations, I return now to our English Drunkards, we by comparing their riots, excesses, intemperances, surfeits, varioties of drinks, and choice ways of quaffing with ours frequent in our land, shall easily find, that we are so far from coming short of them, in any one thing, that we apparently exceed them in all things; first whereas other languages afford but some few words, as amongst the Grecians Phylocothonista; the latins, Ebrius or Bibax; the Spaniards, Borachio; the French, Yurogne; the Italian, Boraco and so of the rest: To title a Drunkard by, we strive to character him in a more mincing and modest phrase, as thus. The titles they give one to another. He is a good fellow. A boon Companion. A mad Greek. A true Trojan. A stiff Blade. One that is steel to the Back. A sound carded. A merry Comrade. A Low-Country soldier. One that will take his rouse. One that will drink deep, though it be a mile to the bottom. One that knows how the Cards are dealt. One that will be flush of all four. One that will be as subtle as a Fox. One that will drink till the ground looks blew. One that will wind up his bottoms. One that bears up stiff. One whose nose is dirty. One whom Brewers horse hath bit. One that can relish all waters. One that knows of which side his bread is buttered One that drinks Upse-Freeze. One that drinks Supernaculum. One that lays down his ears and drinks. One that can sup of his cider. He is true blew, &c. The new order of drinking lately come up amongst us called a Drinking-school, or Library, the degrees taken in the School: the tongues and books which they study, with the several titles proper to the Professors of that Art. There is now professed an eighth liberal Art or science called Ars bibendi, the Art of drinking. The Students or professors thereof call a green garland, or painted hoop hanged out, a college; a sign where there is lodging, mans meat, and horse meat an inn of Court, an Hall, or an Hostle; where nothing is sold but Ale & Tobacco grammar School: A read or blew lettuce they term a free School for all comers. Now we know in all Schools there are several degrees to be attained unto therefore they in their deep understandings, and profound Iudgement, have thought it expedient to call, A fat Corpulent fellow, A Master of Art. A lean drnnkard, A bachelor. He that hath a purple face, inch●c't with Rubies, and such other Ornaments, A bachelor of Law. He that hath a Red-nose, A doctor. And he that goeth to School by six of the clock in the morning and hath his lesson perfect by eleven, him they hold to be, a Pregnant scholar, and grace him with that title. Now before they go to study, at what time of the day or night soever, it is fit to know what language. If the English tongue, He drinks Ale. If the Dutch, Beer. If the Spanish, Sack or Canary. If the Italian, Bastard, If the graecian, Rennish or Palermo. If the Irish, Usqueba'he. If welsh, Metheglin. If latin, Alligant. If Greek, Muskadell. If Hebrew, Hypocras. The Books which they study, and whose leaves they turn over, are for the most part three of the old translation and three of the new: Those of the old translation: First, the Tankard, Secondly, the Black-Jack. Thirdly, the Quart-pot rib'd, or Thorondell. Those of the new, be these. First, the Jug. Secondly, the Beaker. Thirdly, the double or single Can or Blackpot. You hear what the books most in use among them are, it follows now, as a thing necessary, to make known unto you what the professors be, or at least what titles they have amongst them. He that wéeps in his cups, and is Maudlen drunk, Sudies Hydromancie. He that Laughs and Talks much, Natural Philosophy. He that gives good counsel, Morality. He that builds Castles in the Air, metaphysics. He that sings in his drink, music. He that disgorgeth his stomach, physic. He that brags of his travels. Cosmography, He that rhymes ex tempore, or speaks Play-spéeches. Poetry. He that cries Tril-lil boys is a Rhetorician. He that calls his fellow Drunkard, a Logician. He that proves his argument by a Pamphlet or Ballad, a Grammarian. He that rubs of his score with his elbow, hat, or cloak, an Arithmetician. He that knocks his head against a post, then looks up to the sky, an Astronomer. He that réels from one side of the channel to another, a Geometrician. He that going hemewards fals into a ditch or channel, a Navigator. He that looseth himself in his discourse, a Mooter. He that brawls and wrangles in his cups, a barrister. He that loves to drink in hugger-mugger, a Bencher. young Student. He that drinks to al comers, a   He that hath no money in his purse, but drinks on trust a Merchant venturer. He that in his wine is nothing else but compliment, a Civilian. He that drinks and forgets to whom, is said to study the Art of Memory Phrases borrowed from several Courts, with places of Dignity both Civil, and marshal. He that plucks his friend or acquaintance into a Tavern or tippling-house perforce, is called a Sergeant. He that quarrels with his hostess, and calls her Whore, Puts in his Declaration. he that is silent or tongue-tied in his cups, is said to Demur upon the Plaintiff. He that ingrosseth all the talk to himself, is called Foreman of the Jury. He that with his loud talk deafens all the company, crier of the Court. He that takes upon him to make the reckoning, Pronounceth Judgement. He that wants money, and another man pays for is Quit by Proclamation. He that gives his Host or hostess a Bill of his hand, is said to be saved by his Clergy He that is so free that he will pledge all comers, attorney General. He that wears a nightcap having been sick of a Surfeit, Sergeant of the Coyffe. He that is observed to be drunk but once a week An ordinary pursuivant. He that takes his rouse freely but once in a month, a Sub-Sheriffe. He that healths it but once in a Quarter, a Justice of Peace. And he that takes his rouse but twice a year, Judge of a Circuit. There be likewise belonging to this Art, or Science divers places of respect and dignity, both Civil and marshal; of the Civil first. He that is unruly in his cups, swaggers, and flings pots and drawers down stairs, breaks glasses, and beats the fiddlers about the room, they call by the name of mayor Domo. He that cuts down signs bushes or lettuces Master controller. He that can win the favour of the hostesses daughter to lye with her, Principal Secretary. He that stands upon his strength, and begins new healths, Mr. of the Ceremonies. He that is the first to begin new frolics, Mr. of the Novelties. He that flings Cushions, Napkins, and Trenchers about the room, Mr. of Mis-rule. He that wanting money is forr'd to pawn his Cloak, Master of the Wardrobe. He that calls for Rashers pickle-Disters, or Anchova's, Clerk of the kitchen, He that talks much, and speaks nonsense, is called a proctor. He that tells tedious and long tales, Register. He that takes the tale out of another mans mouth, public Notary. The Martiall degrees follow in the next place; and their order thus. He that drinks in his boots, and ginglingspurs, is called a colonel of a Regiment. He that drinks in silkstockings, and silkgarters Captain of a Foot-Company. He that flings pottle and quart pots down stairs, Marshall of the Field. He that begins three healths together to go round the table, Master of the Ordnance. He that calls first in al the company for a Looking-glasse, Camp-Master. He that waters the faggots by pissing in the Chtmney, corporal of the field. He that thunders in room and beats the Drawers, Drum mayor. He that looks read, and colours in his drink, Ensign-Bearer. He that thrusts himself into company, and hangs upon others, Gentleman of a Company. He that keeps company and hath but two pence to spend, Lansprizado. He that pockets up gloves, knives, or handkerchiefs, Sutler. He that drinks three days together with. out respites, An Old-Souldier. He that swears and lies in his drink. An Intelligencer. Of their Sea-service: Their new terms for new Paradoxes, &c. Having past the degrees, both Civill, and Martiall. It follows in the next place, that we come to take a view of the Sea, or rather, Seller-service; of which we have already made this Quere. He that having overdrunk himself offers his stomach, in his next fellows Boots or shoes they call. admiral of the Narrow-Seas, He that pisseth under the Table to offend their shoes or stockings, Vice-Admirall. He that is first flau'd in the company before the rest. Master of a Ship. He that is the second, that is drunk at the Table, Masters-Mate. He that slovenly spilleth his drink upon the Table. Swabber. He that privately and closely stealeth his liquour. Pyrat of the Narrow-Seas. He that is suddenly taken with the hitchup, Master Gunner. He that is still smoking with the pipe at his nose, Flute. He that belcheth either backward or forward, Trumpeter. I come now to the penal Statutes enacted for divers forfeitures, upon most grave and mature deliveration, as followeth. No man must call a Good-fellow Drunkard, for that is a name of reproach and indignity, as quiter extermin'd out of their learned Society: But if at any time they spy that defect one in another, they may without any forfeit or just exceptions taken, say. He is foxed, He is Flaw'd, He is Fluster'd, He is subtle. Cupshot, Cut in the Leg or Back, He hath seen the French King, He hath swallowed an Hair or a Tavern-Token, He hath whipped the Cat, He hath been at the Scriveners and learned to make Indentures, He hath bit his Grannam, or is bit by a Barn Weasel, with an hundred such like adages and sentences, extracted out of the most authentic Authors in their Library, Sundry Terms and Titles proper to their young Students. He that makes himself a laughing stock to the whole company, is called a Tenant in Fee-simple. He that will be still smowching and kissing his hostess behind the door, Tenant in-tail special. He that will be stil kissing all comers in Tenant in-tail general. He that is three parts fort, and will be kissing, Tenant in-tail after possibility of Issue extinct. He that is permitted to take a nap, and to sleep, Tenant by the courtesy De Angliter. If two or three women meet twice or thrice a week, to take Gossips cups, they are Tenants in dower. He that hath the disposing of a donative amongst his comrades, Tenant in Frank-Almain. He whose head seems heavier than his heels, holds in Capite. He whose heels are heavier than his head, holds in Soccadge. All Gentlemen-Drunkards, Schollers and Souldiers, hold in Knights service. He that drinks nothing but Sack, and Aquavitae, holds by Grand serientry. He that drinks onely Ale or beer, holds by Petit serientry. He that drinks uncovered, with his head bare, Tenders his homage. He that humbles himself to drink on his knee, Doth his fealty. He that hunteth the Taverns, or Tap-houses when he comes first to age, Pays his relief. He that hath sold and mortgaged all the Land he hath, Sueth for his Livery. He whose wife goeth with him to the Tavern or Ale-house, is A Free-holder. He whose wife useth to fetch him home from the Library, is a Tenant at will. He that articles with his hostess about the reckoning, is a Copy-holder. He that staggering supports himself by a wall or a post, holds by the Verge. Certain learned Proverbs, and proper Phrases belonging to the Library, As to drink Vpse-phreese, Supernaculum, to swallow a Slap-dragon, or a raw Egg: Then to see that no less than three at once be bare to a health. And of Proverbs, these and the like. He that drinks read, gains by the colour. A pound of care will not pay an ounce of debt. A raw stomach makes a rumatick head, &c. Divers stories of such whom immoderate Drinking hath made ridiculous. A Serving-man much overtaken with wine, when he perceived that he could bear no more, stolen out of the Tavern by a backdoor, and passing through a dark and narrow lane, late in the night, when the Moon shined very bright and clear, and at length coming to cross Cheap-side, to go into Friday-street, he presently began to apprehended that the shadow in which he stood, was the shore, and the Moon-shine a River,( for he divertly conceited it to be water) therefore he first called aloud, a Boat, a Boat but hearing none to make him answer( for who would but imagine him to be some drunkard or madman) he next be thought himself, it might be possible for him to wade over, in which conceit he laid by his cloak, pluck off his Boots and Stockings, and then his Breeches: when drawing up his shirt to the highest, he laid the rest of the luggage upon his shoulders, and staying himself upon his Sword, put on foot first softly into the Moon-shine, and finding the Channel firm under him, he adventured the other; and wading further, and further, in great fear and supposed difficulty, at last got over to the Shore, and then fell devoutly to his prayers thanking those powers who had granted unto him such a happy and safe passage. The Watch, sitting close, seeing and perceiving all that was done and said, let him alone till he had wiped himself dry and put on his clothes, and then shewed themselves, and sold him they were watermen and came to row him back again to the Counter, which they would have done, had not the Constable of milder temper, and being well pleased with the jest stayed them, and commanded one or two of them to see him safe at his lodging. Another Drunkard coming homeward late over the fields, thinking to pass a bridge, slipped into the ditch, where he stood knee deep in water, and not able to get out, in that posture fell fast asléep; towards morning one passing that way heard him first muttering and grumbling to himself, at length, turning to one side, he said, aloud, thou Whore, why dost thou not lay more clothes upon my feet? Before the old Exchange was built, the Merchants kept their meeting in Lombardstreet, whare dwelled a plain honest old man, called Father Garret, who having played the good-fellow a whole night together amongst his countrymen( which was not usual) and drinking a Cup or two too much, it was morning before his wife and maid could get him into his warm bed where he slept soundly; and waking about noon( his eyes being gumm'd together, so that he could not well open them) he groped by the beds-side for the Chamber-pot, and perceiving it to be full, he rose up, opened the Casement( which was toward the street) and powred it out upon some of the Merchants heads, who after they had well shook their hats and cloaks, called to him by his name, and said; Why how now Father Garret, what do you mean by this? who putting his head again out at the window, made them this answer; mary it is to teach you for walking abroad so late at midnight. If was somewhat more wittily put off by him, who living in a Chamber, over-heard where the watch was set beneath and emptied a Chamber-pot upon their heads; who calling unto him, and asking him why he had used them so slovenly, he demanded of them, Who they were that questioned it? They told him they were the Watch: why then saith he, Harm watch, harm catch, and so shut to the Casement. A Loader or Miller in the Country was such a notorious swaggerer, and so dangerous in his drink, that none of the Townsmen durst keep him company, unless he would first put off his great basket hilt dagger( which was a swords fellow, and still wore about him) and lay it by; which at their request he upon a time had done; the fashion was to wear great broad Bolts of Leather, buckled about their wastes: They having drunk their dozens round, and he among the rest being flusterd, the motion was made to break up company; when the rest rose, he sitting upon the Bench side, and groping for his Dagger behind, he happened upon a jordan that was brim full, and putting the end of his Belt through the handle of it, buckled it about him in the stead of his weapon, and so walking without a cloak through the street in the day time, all the Boys and Girls ran hollowing after him so look behind him; For his dagger dropped out of the Scabbard. Another coming from Southwark at a very late hour over the Bridge, justled against one of the Chain-posts over against S. Magnus Church, who being naturally very quarrelsome in his cups, supposed that some nightwalker had given him that affront; and therefore very desperately drew forth his Dagger, and by great fortune strook into the very hollow of the post, and perceiving it to give way, made no further question but he had slain the party: With the sudden apprehension whereof, he leaves the weapon in the wood, presently begins to device of some sudden shift to save his own forfeit life: he dares not go home to his house, and knows no man whom he may trust with such a secret: therefore he presently takes boat, down he goes that night to Graves, end, and from thence gets shipping into the Low-countreys. The weapon was found the next morning in the post, and was known, and the owner thereof mist by his wife and friends, but not to be heard of. After a twelvemonth, notice being given to his wife, where he lived, and by circumstances being possessed of the mistake, he came over like an ass as he went and was a ●eer to the City, his whole life after. Certain Gentlemen using much to our Taverns some of them affecting Tables, their custom was still when they met to play at Irish, or Tictack, and whatsoever the stake was, to call in Wine, because they would not charge the house, so that the standards by might drink freely of the Gamesters cost, and thus sometimes they would spend the whole night. Amongst the rest, one observed to be a shark, that would save his purse, but could never be drawn into any game, or expenses, and yet would devour more Wine than any two in the company, and whilst the rest were either busy all playing, or looking on, he would be still tampering with the cups, till he had stolen himself drunk, and then he would fall asleep in the room. This being noted by the rest whilst he was taking a sound nap in a chair, they devised to put a trick upon him, and watching his waking, they suddenly put out all the lights in the room, and still pretended to hold on their Game: the Dice run the Table-men walk, the standards by bet, some on this side, some on that, every cast was name as it was thrown, all which he heard, but saw nothing: This jest was held up so long, and carried so well that he presently apprehended, that he was struck blind, and quiter bereft the use of his eyes, and so sell into a great passion and clamour: The Gentlemen came about him, and feigned to wonder what he meaned, bid him look up, and be of good cheer, he told them, he knew them by their tongues, but could not discern any one of their faces: at which they seemed to be the more amazed, and so concluded, that he was miraculously deprived of his eye sight, still they called for more lights, more lights; another answered, there were six in the room already, and if not by them, he could never see at all: one offers to led him another began to shrive him, persuading him, that sure this judgement was fallen upon him for some great sin he had committed; some he remembered and confessed: sure, saith another, he hath been a great sparer of his purse, a stealer of his drink and a dissembler with his friend, none of which he denies. At length, when they had got out of him what they could, and jeered him( as they thought) sufficiently, they suddenly caused lights to be brought in, by which finding how he was gulled, he grew s● ashamed, that he who was before a burden to them, could never after be seen in their company. I knew a Citizen and a substantial houskeeper, who having been drinking late could not find his own door, and though he knew the streets and the posts that stood at other mens gates, and how far distant his house was from them, yet still he rather came short of it or past beyond it; at length( loathe to be noted, but more loathe to lye upon the stall) he perceived a light in one of his neighbours windows, he raps at the doors, the good man ( being upon some occasion late up at that time) looked out of the window, & asked who was there? and what he would have? Nothing good friend( answered he) but onely to entreat you to direct me where such a man dwells,( naming himself) and show me his house; his Neighbour knowing him replied, calling him by his name, I hope no man knoweth that, or at least should know it better then yourself: True it is saith he, but not at this time; so his neighbour perceiving in what case he was came down, opened the door, and light him over the way, which howsoever it was secretly carried, yet made his intemperance palpable, even after midnight. A Malt-man coming reeling at noon day from a Red-lattice, wearing about his waste a leathern Belt, buckled before with a thong hanging down, went to turn to the wall, and standing about a yard from thence, screwed his head on the one side to set who went and passed by; and putting his hand down to grope for something to show the wall, he mist of his aim, and lighted on his thong that hung down, held it out betwixt his fingers, & pissed in his breeches; the people that saw the water drop down by his knees, grew to a general laughter; by which he finding the mistake grew sensible of the plight he was in, and so ashamed, staggered away as fast as he could, like a drunken Coxcomb. FINIS.