A FRACTION IN THE ASSEMBLY: OR THE SYNOD IN ARMS Being a punctual Relation of their set meeting, upon the 25. of April in this present year of our Computation 1648 at a tavern in LONDON, where the purposes of those reverend Fathers, were piously discovered by themselves, in a mutual conference by the strength of a Dinner, and in the truth of wine: Their disagreement, upon the question: their falling out upon that; and how they were parted: with other mixtures of sad and merry accidents being all passages very remarkable: and curious observations, which the Author, as a general wellwisher, delivers here to the worlds view- And he hopes satisfaction.  
London Printed in the year, 1648.   

AS once Olympian Jove: put juno by  
And wise Minerva, Gave bold Mars the lie  
Touching Troy's fate: when limping Vulcan scorus  
To keep heavens peace: and with ungrateful horns  
Butts at his friendly Rival: Even such odds  
Tainted of late our sublunary Gods  
The sacred Synod: which we mortals call  
The viols of Heaven's wrath: O Troy: thy fall  
Phoebus lamented: but in England's dust  
What hand writes pity, as if all were just  
For patience has endured: vengeance convince  
These of their guilt and Charles that Godlike Prince  
Let his white Truth prevail: our story cools  
Whose Lard seems learning: and her fat rich fools  
Fed high with pension dinners: Whose mere close  
Would burst an Elephant: we'll now speak prose,  
Friends what you see, believe, here is no lie  
For when this chanced, the Author's self was by  
PRay be not so angry Gentlemen; For that weighty misfortuns, whose Relations are to the public, should be known and considered, I deny not, seeing otherwise, how shall men declare their modest sorrowings in matters nearly concerning them, or study their prevention, In the future, If they be ignorant of them: All this without the rack: or hanging by the great toe, with the head downward like A dancer of the Ropes; or any other inquisition torture, is confessed freely: but this is it that I say. why should one poor beast, be forced to carry the burden for a whole Kingdom: because Mrs. such a one: 
She is a Widow.  the Mistress of the Tavern where this famous accident befell, with her whole family, have taken the Covenant, or Oaths of secrecy with these fathers, Confessors; to hid it from honest men, and so keep the world in this, like other things in ignorance and infidelity; must I therefore, weep myself into a Transformation: Be made a new river, as some have been before me, as you may read in the History of Miobe and others, in Ovid's unerring Chronicle of his Metamorphosis or be turned into a frog, for over-laughing myself, When I have a mind to jest out my griefs: And all this because, I only, had the fortune to be by— I say, there is no reason for it: no, there are more Asses in England besides me; let the matter be communicated: that every Lucius taking up his own load, we may Jog on like contented Market-Women, or Citizens wives to their Country houses, fairly, and easily together: to what use serve Ambages amongst friends, or why should the Author with tedious Apologies Cuffe his story into tears; because he thrusts her back, and restrains her appearing, Even now, when by all visible signs, she hath A mighty mind to discover herself, take it therefore amongst you, which in few words befell thus.  
Upon St. Marks day the 25. of April the holiness whereof is much envied by our Libertines of England, because the superstitious Romans, observe it: half a dozen of our Synodical Presbytery, pieced with just as many Independants, to make up the number, though of several colours, had a mind to condog together.  
Their meeting was at a Tavern in London, not a stretched mile from the Old Exchange: which to cover the Nakedness of a prime Damsel, the daughter of the house, and 'tis thought the loadstone of that society, shall for the present be nameless.  
After an humble Thanksgiving, for their arrival at terra florida And that being such, who by sins of an unrecoverable miscreancy, had tempted Heaven and Earth to destroy them, yet, the stones in the streets, had not risen up against them, either to break their shins or their Necks in that their pilgrimage, concluding with an admiration, what providence that should be that still continued to protect them: Impenitent sinners, they seated themselves at a large round Table in a very fair Room, and calling for fine Angelica which shall be her name here, after a brief catachizing touching the state of her virginity, and how the pulse of her Concupiscences did beat, whereof she was much comforted to hear them tell her, all flesh was guilty, she received from them a blessing upon the lip, and they from her fair hand, the cup of Salutation, which that pretty Leman presenting with wine and sugar, they did her reason first, and then tossed it of freely one to another.  
The joining of two rounds together, engendered a discourse delivered by a Doctor, in these words following, Brethren, we are here condo●●●d together: As it were, to peck up a few Crumbs of Consolation from this our mutual enjoying one of another: in the plenty of the Creature, which we presently expect, called Meat, Wine, and Women: Renowned Subjects of the three first miracles: of these, we may feed till we burst again, for our purses are full, the people our friends, And therefore the House is likewise ours, while we, whom the profane of the Land call evil spirits, shall please to possess it, But first, let us advise, and unscruple our souls, lest any thing by chance, should lie pinching us in that tender place, to the hurt of our present or future tranquillities: If any of you doubt, let him only question, And be resolved.  
The motion was applauded, and thus trod upon the very heel by another, then are we quoth he, the most miserable of all men, if vox populi, carry it's old credit, for that calls us the Incendiaries of the Nation: It says, that weekly preaching have advanced Rebellion, Murder, Theft, Confusion, and every evil work: That we have brought contempt upon the Gospel; That outwardly we contest as opposites, but secretly are agreed to nourish divisions so long, like the Scots, we have gathered all business into our discussing, that we may Judge and determine all things as chief moderators in matters of conscience, and so, by degrees, steal the Sovereignty from King and People, and Plant it in ourselves, the Clergy.  
That neither we, nor any Authorized by us, or lawful Ministers, because we have forfeited our calling by the double breach of those two Oaths, Allegiance and Supremacy, which bond us to the King: who when he hath vanquished his toils, will, they say, have us baited in Beares-skins, for playing to much the Foxes, as first to Drill him into a snare; And then set Dogs to worry him; not those of a Generous kind, but mangy Mongrel Curs, called Mildmay, Martin, Haman, and ourselves, to whom they say, the Rogue last named is only Turn-key; but we his Jailours, that may free him instantly, if we would but sweeten the polluted Air with pure Divinity. And from wounded hearts in penitential Pulpits, Ingeminate to Heaven, and men, our hearty sorrowings for the high Crime, of our Sovereign Lords unjust and violent Captivity, first caused by us, and now contrived by our connivences; in fine that all our fasting Prayers, are abominations, because our hands, they say are full of blood, neither can they hear our preaching, if they would, the Keys of— keep such a noise and rattling at our Girdles, all which render us worse than Baal's Priests, or the 600. false Prophets that prophesied lies, and persecuted the good men of God. These Imputations that bold Vox Populi that presumes to call Infinite thousands of Men, 
The Chair man's Answer is all their Resolutions.  Women, and Children, nay, our own Consciences forsooth, for Witnesses; he swears are no slanders, but bleeding truths, which so wounds my thoughts, and consumes me in this very minute, that if your Sack here were not perfect Charinco, and the smell of our approaching Dinner restorative. I should verily faint, and drop out of this Land of the living, and your Good Companies which would much grieve me; to grope out uncertain chances in another world, where 'tis ten to one, they serve not God after our manner; so, he sipped off his Cup: was pledged round, and thus satisfied by the Chaire-man.  
Brother: we must suit the behaviour of our Actions to the disposition, or humour of their causes, which command ours at this time, to observe the posture they now stand at: The people indeed exclaim, I say their cries are just, for by us, a Cloud is brought upon their Laws, Liberties, Estates, nay persons and all this by preaching, yet if this present momentary ill, conduces to their future good eternally: who should these beetles thank, but us; Bitch's have clogs: which we take off, to make them happy, if the silly Irrational Cattles could but understand it, however, we, that know it necessary are bound to practise it, for all their goods.  
This Generation must suffer, for the sins of those past, and all that are to Come: The next by our endeavours, shall shine again, with a Government so pure, and like heaven, that Angels shall seem to be beguiled, and love to live, at least converse with men as formerly, mistake me not, I mean with us here in England: As for the Scots, lately our Brethren, they are revolting poor Rogues, not worthy now, nor ever able to entertain such Guests: Let not these Nitts disquiet you Mr.— to make you throw of the Doublet of your first resolutions, If a rampant louse, or two, chance to trouble you, yet never unbutton for the matter, only tell me where they by't, i'll help you to a remover straight: come heers the Man, he was thanked, pledged, and should have been encountered with a reply, but as the word was sallying out of the Respondents Lips: it was forced to recoil by a whole file of Dishes, which just then presented upon them, The falling on was furious; they came suddenly to pell mel, And slashed it without mercy.  
You will ask paradventure, how I came to know all this; I'll tell you: A friend and I had agreed over night to meet at that very Tavern about 10 this morning, I kept my appointment, but my friend, as the fashion is, failed me. I with a pint of the purest before me, sell a sleep, and was, it seems, aswell forgot by the house as myself, till the entrance of so many, and so near me, with the shuffling of legs and feet, started me in such a fright, as had there been a chimney in the room, I had certainly appeared at the top in a trice, and rather crept out that way, to shift for myself, than stood to the mercy of that Corporal, and his Squadron, for so I strongly fancied these to be, that came to search for malignants; of which outlawed family, my own a King-heart told me verily, that I was a forlorn Brother; well, the Devil a Chimney was there, or a hole big enough, for Tom Thumb to have hid himself in; there was no remedy: I composed my fears the best I could, & settled myself, to listen their sitting discourse, but especially the sight of them through a cleft in the wainscot, which only divided us, for 'twas in the next a room, so confirmed me; that I drove care away to kill cats, and sat pranking it upon my bench, as proudly, as St. George did upon his Beast, after he had killed the Dragon. Having given you this satisfaction, you are bound in conscience to read on, and believe every word as followeth. We left them at dinner at the Tables end, sat the fat Mistress of the House, with a face appearing like a full Moon; by whom there shined her daughter, the fair Angelica, whose brightness so stellified the room, that those elders could do nothing else for a while, but drink, and dart glances, feathered with wanton language at her, which she retorted like another Venus, till her Tongue travelled tantivie, and more than a Canterbury pace, and never Stopped till Mr.— Assaulted the Chaireman, whose place the Mistress had borrowed very freshly with some fragments of the first question.  
That although what he had uttered, was profound and undeniable, yet he was still to seek in two main particulars; first of the Church differences which he ever held real, till then, next touching the King: who being a Just: Good: Gracious: Mildred: Merciful: Magnanimous: Valiant: Pious: Wise Prince: in his opinion he deserved Nobler usage, and to be at liberty: The Doctor replied 'tis true; you have not flattered him in all this Glorious Character for, 'tis his due; which is Attribute we own to all: nay, the very Proverb commands it for the Devil, yet to the King we must deny, this, under the Rose here, we'll give it him, amongst ourselves, but not publicly, for know: The government by Kings, and that we aim at, which is to exalt the Church above it, are incompatible: If we, submitting to the equity you speak of, which pleads hard for the King: should replant him, you should quickly perceive, what wild fruits that foolish Honesty would bring forth: The awful office of Bishops would certainly flourish again; Then pray what would become of us: marry, I'll tell ye— if we scaped hanging, even presently be farted out of the Land, perhaps into that Jakes of Scotland, like some griping disease among the Guts, or the wind Colic of the Kingdom: which they begin already to call Us: No if we wish our own utility, and the Church's Honour, we must heap Pelion upon Ossa, raise such a mount of scandals in the King's way, as may bar his return for ever, as being too high for all his patience or vindications, to climb over, for example. there's Anthony Mildmay, a dear Proselyt of ours. I can never call thee Rogue to mind, but me thinks, I wish my hands were stroking his zealous heart, and chase it into new designs for us: This precious villain, in a Letter to that Saint his Brother, some call him Serpent, because he stings the King that cherished him: I confess an offence that would dam him, were he not a Son of the Cause, and we his defenders, charge his Majesty with several expressions in discourse, which he calls Tyrannies, and Inveighing against him, with the extremest tartness of a depraved Pen exposes him to a malevolent censure, now we perceiving how the slave betrayed his Master, by poisoning the Innocence of his language, and meaning with wrested constructions of his own, which we well knew were false; Though we Admired the fellow's Impudence, yet we cherished his Information for the reason aforesaid: and made special uses of it, to our own eternal advantage, as we Imagine, and the King's final detriment: This which we hold far better, than an Act of oblivion or Indemnity, meets your fears of after questionings, and calls them Trivial.  
Touching your second doubt of our pretended Church differences Brethren, that the condition of state Affaires is sometimes such as forces us, that manage them, to a deceptio visus, A piece of Hocus, to benight men's Eyes at noon, and falsify their object for their ruin. We present somethings to the public view just as they are, others not so, but as they seem to be by our direction: we are not to sentence any evil desperate, whose remedy is in ourselves, one famous trick of pure conveyance carried it, for we, the Synod first, and then the Parliament, pretended to divide, we preached, writ, disgraced one another to the uttermost, which wanted no success, for the silly people, just as we imagine d, cozened with empty face of anger, ran presently to sides, and quickly wound the quarrel up to such a height, as to avoid the crushing of a party when the weight should fall, the continuance of an Army was resolved upon, and so by their own misprisions, counted necessary, which fitted our desires just: This plot, thus wisely laid, was likewise fortunate, for being thus seemingly opposite, we can open our pack by turns, now the Presbyterian, than the Independent, and pass our wares at what price we please upon the shallow world, which receives all our brocage, [as some disparage it] it the second hand, paying truly the dear rates of many thanks, and Reverence, not from any skill of their own to judge, but as we adorn it, with a gloss, and praise it.  
Thus you see, those our Sons of Westminster, 
Observe the confession.  and London obey our contrivings: Our servants Fairfax, and Cromwell, like Esau and Nimrod, smell strongly of the field, and savour rank of the blood we command them to spill in hunting: and lastly, we, the Sages of Europe, and England's Reverendissimoes, do keep unity, as well as we can, and concord in a Golden band, I mean amongst ourselves being always careful that neither of our parties outweigh the other, but both to lie so hard upon the King and his followers, that we wonder, by what virtue or miracle they live.  
This, I have told you, is the very heart of the affair, which these dotterels of the Laity are not to search into, but you the Sons of Eli, and my dear Iockeys must dive into the bottom of this or any other secret, wherein my art can pleasure you.  
After this Oration, he watered his dry palate with a shower of White wine, to which he was very devoutly affected, and liquored his tongue to make it fruitful for more flowers of Rhetoric: That done, he demanded their opinion of what he had offered one, whose hands I marked were no unprofitable Servants to his stomach for in the interim of this long parley they had stored the Magazine of his belly with a month's provision at least, for fear of a famine from Kent and other Mutinous Counties, entreated the Chaire-man to excuse them, forasmuch as they had not been at leisure to hearken to his Tale, which notwithstanding, they were confident, was all true from the beginning, to the end of the last syllable: it being no more possible for him to err, than the Pope's holiness: To whose two Chairs, Infallibility, was equally annexed in assurance whereof, A black fellow, very like Mr. Martial, and sure I think 'twas he, taking up a weighty Boll, brimful of Sack, offered to drink to any man in the Company that would pledge him, and be of his opinion; his challenge was received immediately by another: what replied a third, that they say, seldom spoke a true word, but in his Drink, is not this in the Devil's name, a trick of the beast, to tell the people of a Cock and a Bull, and bind them to believe all the stories in Chawcer for Articles of Faith: pray what's this, but Implicita fides: the very bombast father of Ignorance.  
Brother, answered the Chaire-man, That ignorance you despise so much, is, being rightly conceived, the true and sober parent, not only of devotion towards Heaven, but of reverence to us: of which last Jewel it behoves us to have a more tender care, then of the other: Oracles were admired of old, because, dark and stupendious, let a Riddle be once expounded, and every fool will tread upon it: I tell you again, they must not be able to fathom our depth, 'tis sufficient for them, to practise obedience, and for us, to embrace the example of our witty forefathers of the last Trent Council, who when they added new, and strange Articles, all contradiction to those, was death, for a crime called by them, Haeresy; and now by us Felony, 
Mark this Confession which is true.  especially about the Ius Divinum, of our Presbyterian Government, never known till Calvin, by whom to speak Truth, it was first broached, to get the man a name, and please the humorous palate of the hare brained people.  
Oderant si metuunt, Let them hate me so they fear me, was the Motto of a Tyrant, 
A Tyrannous Motto, allowed by the Synod.  and yet in my judgement a sentence more Divine, than any of Cato's: we must compel the vulgar Adoration to us, As the Devil does the Indians, Appear in mild shapes to those that love us, or submit willingly, but be formidable to the rest: you see how these Goat's desert us daily, & are not their revolts sufficient to excuse our cruelty, nay though we damned them after death— O how I am taken with your grave politics,— & stand amazed at the profound mystery of Prophecies: Machiavelli cry I, was a sprightly Gentleman, within Deuce Ace, as wise as the Devil, if not wiser: and Mother Shipton, As vast in her divinations, and as Authentic an Author as any Sibyl of them all: he drank to 'em, expecting an Applause— but it would not serve his turn, for being holiday as I told you, the Wine had kindled Bonfires in their brains, they valued neither him, nor his Chair, and his language had so offended one, that he told him plainly he took him for Barabas, The Father of Insurrections, not half so honest as a Brewer's Clerk, whose false Tally was always sworn to Cousin either the Master or his Customers, The Prolocutor, who to my thinking, raved, hearing this, and fearing worse: called all the Godly of both parties to side with him, if he were affronted further by that— ly—ing Rascal, I think he would have said, but the lie was returned into his Throat, before he could get out the rest, and had almost choked him, being rammed down by three great Teeth of his own, which were driven from their Palisado, by an assault and battery.  
He that gave this blow, I marked to be a man, whose face was so died in the Grain of Claret, that his plump Cheeks looked for all the World, like a couple of flowing Wine-bagges, which in a moment were emptied, by a quick response from the Chaire-man, that with a cast of his Office, hit him so home and hardily, as drew the Vintage in his face through the Spigot of his Nose, and laid him flat upon the ground, like a bunch of Grapes new pressed.  
This Patroclus had an Ajax, that bestirred him, who mowed down the Chaireman at one swing with a pottle Pot, All hands were exercised in a moment, And by a rare method or keeping due time betwixt feet and fists, No man could take them for any other then professed dancers, that were notably skilful in observing the Decorum of A brawl: The fray was silent, sharp, and short, for the house, chiefly Angelica, came running up, and parted them: They returned to their seats: smiled, at the captiousness of great spirits, and called for a Gallon of Nepenthe, a reconciling Drink, which they swallowed liberally, and were friends: The next Act was voiding the Table of all things, but a fair Cloth, a miraculous great Pie, plenty of wine to cleanse their mouths, and Tobacco to foul them again.  
Their wits went now a woolgathering, from Learning the Reverend wags, would needs grow wanton with a piece of divination, What quoth one, if these Devils in Kent and Essex, should get the better of our Saints in the Army, and so demand the Angels, in our two Houses: And then those spirits of the middle Region, the Londoners, in whose power I confess it lies to dispatch the business in few hours, should deliver them up, What would then become of us all;— The chaire-man whose custom it was to fall upon the kernel of the business, for you see, he opened the shells as fast, as any weasel can crack nuts, 
New England  replied instantly, That all would prove indifferently well, for let it rain Dogs, and Cats, we, said he, will recover our old sanctified plantation, in despite of them, our sublimer Saints: As Lenthall, Martin, Mildmay, and the rest shall step aside into their several ports in Neighbour Nations, where they may unite the forces of Treasure, and craft, of both which they have a large stock, as occasion shall invite them, to toss new balls and make Engand wild by the fire of another new War, This would be meritorious you know.  
All in Good time, went on the Objector, If we as you say, are able to cry, noli me tangere, when danger is ready to fasten, yet what will become of the fry, that have borne up our weak flights, upon the strength, and reach of their long winged votes, and have all this while sided with us, for these not being of the cabinet Counsel, will 'tis like, know nothing of the bog, till they best fled in it.  
They are good for nothing else, answered the Chaireman, but to be regarded, like Bills, and Bonds out of date, bundled up together for waste papers, and reserved only for posterior uses,— As they have voted with us, from the beginning without judgement, or against conscience, so let them e'en be hanged for us at last, That's all I care.  
Now you speak of that, said another, I am within an Inch of death with laughing: when I but think of that great Animal Pembroke, a fellow that appears amongst the Lords in the upper house as the Devil did in Heaven, in a shuffling way, having indeed, no privilege to be found in any place, where wit should dwell,— Lord, what a Legacy of nonsense, that Buffoon, will bequeath to the jeering Malignants when they are througed together to behold him, as he stands upon his degrees, for he hath lately been at Oxford ye know, to preach his own funeral sermon at some selected Gallows, for 'tis verily thought, that party, if they can but finger him, will never honour such a keckshaw with the solemnity of a Scaffold, This Earl says another, should be always thrown upon Tumults to pacify them, for let him talk what he list to displease the people, he's sure, they cannot all knock out his brains, for these not only he, but all the rest of the Peers, have delivered up to the single custody of Viscount Say, a crafty Merchant that hath sealed them up from all men's uses, but his own, which makes their Honours sit with empty Noddles, from whence they say, The higher House is called an Hospital of fools, and in subjection to the lower who for this very reason are to be their Guardians.  
To this point they came; neither did these mountains of discourse want their valleys, into which I will not trouble your descent, let it suffice us over looking many inferior passages of the day to walk on still keeping the higher ground till we arrive at Eleven at night, which finishes the tragedy, and dismisses the spectators.  
Eleven was the hour, till which time, though I had not eat a bit, yet I was not fasting: I confess I fed not, like other men at the mouth, but by the eye, and ear abundantly my nose too, came in for a share, which thrusting out of my Casement, snuffed up the hot steam of their broth and baked meat, which nourished me exceedingly.  
They were now high flown: Bacchus had crowned all their temples with vermilion: his own colours which are commonly purchased at a drunken rate, and looking through their own eyes, now turned into multiplying Glasses, they strongly fancied the huge pie before them to be full as big as London within the walls, this once falling into apprehensions already distempered: they stepped into a higher degree of madness, 
The wonderful power of drink,  for an Independent started up and swore it was London itself, showing the Arms, which said he, you may behold blazoned here upon one of her gates [he meant the Lid, where indeed they were Gallantly flourished] and therefore I & my companions, embracing the opportunity, will now beseige, and take it, for this we know is the main design of the Army, and all the well-affected party.  
They grew from words to Action, and prepared in earnest, some to destroy, others to defend it: The battery was fierce, many a sad blow was discharged at the Pie that fell heavily upon one face or other, in a word, the Independent party prevailed, and the Chaire-man their Leader, beating down the walls by force of Arms, the Cart of his stomach was the first that wheeled in, whereof himself being Charioteer and Guide, he bore down all before him, and did a terrible execution with his own hand.  
The fortifications being quite levelled, professed friends fell to the plunder, like Enemies; never did poor Citizens suffer persecution: and devouring with so much strange patience, not a Groan, nor sigh, it seems remembering their faults against the King they silently confessed all these punishments just, well, extremes cannot last always, the Conqueror tired with the labour of his own cruelty, 
This was done by the Cookmaid and A Drawer as themselves told me since, when they perceived I knew the matter.  was willing to pardon the miserable surviving relics, which beginning to observe, they found them to be a Cluster of Frogs, well dost and seasoned: The men were amazed, and the Women scrietched like Owls to see the Metamorphosis, and kneeling down in a cold perplexity, they confessed themselves to those Ghastly Fathers, in Terms Auricular, that as they never hoped to see Heaven, it was as sweet a Woodcock pie, as ever kissed the Lips of a modern Apostle: fear became fury: They gave all Pies they said to the Devil, it was a City they looked after, whose Inhabitants conquered by them, were first turned into Frogs, by Art Magic, and now at the best, made but Woodcocks by the Sorseresses.  
Two only of the Twelve persuaded Peace, and in Scripture phrases but could not be heard, for all spirit of meekness bade forsaken them, yet being conscious in themselves, that they all had a smackering in Nicromancy, which they studied more than divinity, they fell into a suspicion, that some one among them, had done this, to put a trick upon the rest; but the Chaire-man, that snorted like Bucephalus, Alexander's horse, in whom the fire of the first disdain was freshly kindled, being before but raked up in a dissembled pacification, would needs press the business in tempestuous language upon him, that had first stricken him, who likewise grudging at him with a fervent emulation thus retorted: that rather he himself was the man, for who knew not him to be always drawing lines of infernal communication, spending most of his time in familiar conference with a certain Devil, whose name he had forgot, finally, he Affirmed him to be one that surmounted Faustus in Magic, and could make babies of those two learned Friars, 
A terrible blow.  Bacon, and Bungey. The brazen head had spoke his last, for at this word the War broke out again; one Cuff from the Chair upon the others Right Ear, made his head face quite about to the left shoulder, without hope, ever to see right forwards again: This mortal chance engaged all the Company, who fell aboard, and battered one another without mercy: It seemed to rain Cloaks and Hats, 
The main battle.  while Ruffs, bands, and Cassocks, were dismembered like the Frogs they had eaten, and flew up and down as if they had been alive.  
One there was amongst the rest, that had entertained the Time and Company, with a long discourse in praise of Reebahs' sober Legacy to his Sons, whose very near Kinsman he proved himself to be, at the distance only of 2019. Generations, which he assured them was all, and all the reason he knew, why that language of Hebrew seemed to him more natural than this of his own mother Tongue: being as he offered to make it appear, descended, ab originali, from the jews, and drawing his pedigree in strait line, from Caiphas his Chamber keeper: Malchas told the wench that made fires in the high Priests Hall, the very fame, that made Peter deny his Master, 
He had Records to witness it.  which two he protested were Married together: This Gallant, by way of pure imitation would drink no Wine, but had so drowned himself in a River of Ale, as getting into the middle of the room, and staring upon that wild crew, with Goggle-eyes, he stood there fixed, as if some body had turned him into A Pillar of Malt, never to be removed, till the furious Chaire-man by the trial of Feet and Fists, quickly found him to be a dirty Movable, and kicked him out of the room.  
Another that waited his opportunity, and seemed to pity the Damsel because he saw her in dismay, led her meekly into a dark Closer in a corner of the room, where clinging about her like jvy, he recovered her by the virtue of frication, reclaimed her Haggard smiles, and made her feelingly merry: her absence was quickly resented by one, that loved her dearly, who ungrappling from a Vessel that had boarded him, gave them Chase by the sent, and found that Rabbin pluming his pullet instead of a Partridge, confounded with Jealousy he bellowd out a rape, untwined their embraces, and flew upon his Rival like a Cat A-mountaine, his roaring compelled the rest to take notice of him, and being all in charity with the Nymph, which I believe was none of Diana's, they took a minute's truce, and ran to her rescue, where they discovered their Pigeon all to be ruffled, and the two enraged Combatants upon the Ground: clawing one another like a couple of Currycombs.  
I am not able to express the Chair man's fury, whose peculiar darling she was, his anger groaned, and he foamd at the mouth, and grew so insolent that he invaded friend and foe; at that instant high midnight appeared amongst them an old man or a little fellow not so tall as himself by the head, for he wanted one, I would feign have seen his face but could not for the reasons aforesaid, yet I think it was the Martyr Land, his hands armed with whips; scourged that Martial Crew into admirable discipline, and it seems, his blows smarted, for they friskt up and down the room like Morris dancers, The first that fled in this dreadful vision, was Angelica, who running down stairs fell flat upon her face, at the bottom of them with her Train, smock and all about her ears, and exposing a pair of lovely buttocks, to the view, lay So as if she had been dead by their despairs, two Doctors followed her at the heels; one fell upon her right, the other upon her left haunch, which being white, pubble, and sweet, they kissed them close with their cheek, and fell fast asleep, The Chaireman himself came last, which flying from his tormentor, tripped likewise upon the Virgin, and ran his nose directly into her Moonshine, Those Heroes above terribly affrighted and tyrannically lashed, dropped down suddenly into a Trance, and all was silent. The Mistress had gotten her load and sat below with eyes fast locked, the Servants had likewise their shares, and presented themselves the true family of night, upon whom Morpheus had cast the charm of a leaden slumber.  
I, that was not with out my shiverings at this midnight spectacle, and not delighting in such cruelty grasped the occasion: opened my door softly and stepped upon the stage, where I saw such wonders acted: It was paved with cloaks, the candles, which signified that that spirit was not evil never went out, but gided me to several wines which well brewed with sugar, I poured down plentifully. I seized upon a light and saw how Ruffs, Coats, cloaks and beards lay strewed up and down, as thick as rushes: sacrilege, I remembered to be a sin, and therefore touched none of those babilonish garments, lest I should seem to be guilty of it and rob their Church, but glided gently down, and could hardly bridle my laughter, to see how those Doctors lay like Church leeches, sucking at the breech of the body politic, and certainly they hit upon the right vein, especially he in the midst that had the best share by odds, for she had evacuated as freely in his face, as if he had been newly giving her a Glister, which made the Grinning Chaireman look like a Gold-finder when diving into the bottom of his office he comes up again with his prey in his teeth, In a word, leaving these spiritual Fathers consulting with the flesh I unlocked the street door, shut it again, went speedily to my lodging, and as suddenly to bed, yet not till I had scribbled down a few notes, as helps to facilitate the next day's labour, and because I reputed it an unpardonable Error to betray the least dram of so deserving a passage to unthankful forgetfulness.  
FINIS.