THE French Mountebank, OR AN OPERATOR Fit for these present Times.  
Being a man of great travel and experience throughout most Countries in Christendom, and to the great comfort and happiness of this Kingdom lately come to Town, and is ready to show himself a man of Skill, in all particulars hereafter mentioned, to the distressed Rich for their Money, and to the Poor for God's sake.   printer's or publisher's device 
1642 March .21 LONDON, Printed for R. Austin, and A. Coe. 1643.   

THE French Mountebank, OR An Operator fit for these Times.  
COnducted by the hand of Providence, me arrived at Dover on the first of March, where me stayed two, tree, four, and five days, exercising my faculty in a charitable way among tee poor seaman's, tee residue of tee time before I came to this renowned City, me spent for tee most part in Canterbury, where by reason of tee great confluence of People, me was forced to erect a Stage, whereon to preserve my own self from stifling, and the better to present my own self and my Rarities to the sight and view of the multitude. Yet for for all this me could take very little money. Me appeared every day with my Dwarf, my Hermaphrodite, and my Monkey, and entertained them all a mode de France, with Songs, Antics, and Masques, yet all would not not do, me could see but little money.  

Myself and my Hermaphrodite,  
My Dwarf, and Monkey, all that night  
Were very full of sorrow:  
We did despair  
To take the air  
In public on the morrow.   

Yet once more we came forth again,  
And had our labour for our pain;  
Though me pulled out rare knacks,  
All with one voice  
Made a great noise,  
And cried we were but Quacks.   

Then down me laid my Velvet cloak,  
And quickly pulled out of my poke  
Papers from several lands;  
Where they did see  
Wonders of me,  
Confirmed by thousand hands.   

The silly people now believe,  
And crafty me do laugh in sleeve,  
To see them so soon taken:  
They money bring  
To buy each thing,  
Besides Goose, Eggs, and Bacon.   
When me had vented all my Commodities, it was not safe for me to stay long there, yet me be sure if tey do them no good, tey will do them no harm: And now me be newly come unto this famous City of London, and the City of London cannot but confess themselves very much beholden to me, that after so many years travail, and experience in several Countries, both Christian, and Pagan, me be pleased now in these latter, and most knowing days of mine, to leave wand'ring, and reside here with them.  
The reason why me do show mine self in print first is, because me be tickled in the conceit by some, that this is the best way to make myself known unto you, and the setting up of Bills upon Posts, is the tricks of tee Mountebank, which me do abhor.  
Imprimis, me do mean to tell you what rare exploits me have done abroad.  

Me first in Paris up was bred,  
A mender of the Maidenhead,  
Where by mine Art I did restore,  
The sound, and eke the Pocky Whore:  
And so salve up Virginity,  
That none could any fault espy.  
This called me out of France to Spain,  
To stop up a new opened Vein,  
Me found the Lady sore, and straddling,  
Yet made her go quick, without wadling;  
With promises to make me great,  
She would have kept me for this Feat:  
But me cried Madam pardon me,  
For me be bound for Tartary,  
In haste, to visit the great Cham,  
And rectify his crooked Ham,  
Besides to show a piece of Art,  
Upon his Doxies lower part,  
Me made their Tools so well and right,  
They got three Heirs all in a night.  
The next of my admired works,  
Was done among the cruel Turks,  
Where to the Fame of me, and France,  
Me mended up a sad mischance,  
The broken neck me firm did set,  
Of their then Emperor Mahomet,  
And once me raised from death to life,  
With Cordials, the Grand-Seigniors wife.  
Thence me came into Germany,  
Where were as cunning Knaves as I,  
Such tricks me saw, that me did fear,  
Mine for that place too shallow were.  
From thence to England me soon come,  
And here intent to make my home.   
And now Dukes, Earls, Lords, Bishops, Knights, Deans, prebend's, Gentlemen of Englant, etc. and all others, High and Low, Rich and Poor, me do address mine self to you in all humility. For as much as me do understand that since this present Perliament, there hath been many strange and unheard of diseases, seizing upon certain sorts of People, that were in perfect health before, and as yet remaining incurable, me being accustomed to cure such diseases, do undertake these Maladies following, and for my better proceeding in the cure when they come to my hands, me join to every Malady some short directions for their observation. Though a Parliament (as me do know) be salus Populi, the best means conduceing to the health of this Nation, yet as in ill conditioned stomaches, oftentimes the best Cordials degenerate into an ill nature, and so become as offensive to the Body, as the ill humours themselves; even so this Parliament, (which God preserve) though as well a tempered Cordial for this languishing Kingdom as ever was, yet to some ill humoured Members it hath proved Feavourish, and set them all on Fire, as jesuits, Papists, and Cavaliers: and to others as bad as poison, as to Church▪ Statists, and Monopolists, those Caterpillars of the Commonwealth, etc. So than me being by my proffession to cure all diseases, must not be blamed, if me do name all indifferently, and me do see no reason why me should be blamed for nameing such of these diseases, which me do intent, and promise to cure, therefore Sans dissimulation, or Fear, me do proceed.  

Imprimis, once more; if you know  
Of any Citizen does owe  
More than he can pay,  
Though broken-backt, me him assure  
Me have a medicine will him cure,  
Let him break word or day.   

Is any Bishop with a pain  
Much troubled in his head or brain,  
And would be made lighter,  
Me do suppose that the worst harm  
Comes from his being kept too warm,  
Let him throw off his mitre.   

Hath any been a great whoremaster,  
And in his age now wants a plaster  
That will do the deed?  
Hath any Madam caught the pox  
By daily tribute to her box?  
She need not purge or bleed:   

She shall regain her credit well  
If she observe what me do tell,  
And then take what me give her:  
No matter who dare to attaint her,  
For there are ways in age to Saint her,  
Though ne'er so lewd a liver.   

Is any troubled with sore eyes,  
For losing of Pluralities?  
Me have a good water:  
To cool them, and a most rare pill  
To purge the humours that are ill,  
And feed the greedy matter.   
These and many more the Professor hereof will faithfully perform, he being but newly come to town you cannot expect much from him, till longer observation hath better acquainted him with the diseases now raging, and ranging in this Land.  
If any desire to make use of him in any of these particulars aforenamed, or to make known any other Malady wherewith they are afflicted, let them repair to the Physitiaus College.  
Vive Le Roy.