depiction of three scenes from the narrative: the frightening of the schoolmaster with fire and fireworks; the public whipping of two courtesans; and the cheating of the Pope with a fake St Peter's beard 

Though young he his old schoolmaster out wi●…  
And the fine Misses with a whipping fits  
The Pope He Cheats and proues in all t●… Rest  
Rogue who will Rogue french Rogury thrives 〈◊〉     

THE French Rogue: OR, THE LIFE OF Monsieur RAGOVE De Versailles. CONTAINING His Parentage, Monstrous Birth, Early Rogueries, Pleasant and Witty Pranks, not only in France, but in divers other Countries. With the Strange and Wonderful Plots, Projects, Policies and Stratagems, by which he Contrived, Managed, and Brought about his Villainies, and escaped many Dangers; and more particularly the Prank he played with the French KING, etc. All very Comical and Delightful.  
Done from the Original by J. S.  
London, Printed for N. Boddington, at the Golden Ball in Duck-lane, 1694.   

TO THE READER.  
IN this small Book you will find such delightful Entertainment as none of this kind has yet afforded; it is dressed, the better to please, in the Modish Fashion of France, some years since so greatly in request, that few Ladies or Sparks found themselves easy, and undone without a Tailor that had crossed the Water to take a Survey of that Fantastical Court, and bring over Models of the Newest Bravery in vogue. To be brief, If you are desirous to divert yourself with what may contribute to Mirth, and banish Melancholy Thoughts, or dive into the depth of Ingenious Roguery, here you may have your Wishes answered at a small Expense, in so curious and pleasing a Style of Prose, interwoven with Poetry, that the like we dare affirm, never came to your Hands. Take it then, as it is, and when you have seriously perused it (but not till then) Judge, and speak as you find, and no doubt you will conclude that you never met with a better Help to remove a Fit of the Spleen. And so passing through this little Porch into a fair and large House, I leave you to take its Dimensions at Leisure.  
And remain, Your very Humble Servant, J. S.   

On the Ingenious AUTHOR OF THE French Rogue, etc.  
Reader,  

IN this no Common Rogue you find,  
It is a French One, (pray that Notion, mind)  
One who more Cunning than the rest has been,  
Out-witting all that ever yet were seen:  
French Tricks, you know, are for Invention rare,  
Once coveted like Fashions, or their Ware.  
No Modes, but French, would please some Years ago,  
So that their Vice became a Fashion too.  
If a French Venus in hot Kindness fired,  
Our Gallants, they even the Disease admired,  
And hug'd her in their Arms, as she had been  
The only Cause to make them Gentlemen.  
All Portugal, Spain, Italy, and Rhine  
Can't please some Palates, o't must be French Wine;  
Or if it be not so, give it the Name,  
It passes currant as it were the same.  
No Fans, nor Toys, but Theirs, Miss will receive;  
And for a French Dog, what won't Madam give?  
Stored with a Breed of Puppies of this Strain,  
Will a Half-broken Merchant raise again.  
Then for their Paintings, nothing can come nigh  
Their curious Touches that can please the Eye;  
A Lady's Chamber will catch cold without 'em:  
As for French Watches, they are still about 'em.  
French Plays and Novels too, are liked the best,  
And French Translating late much in request:  
Put but an Author of that country's Name  
I' th' Title-Page, it gives even Nonsense fame.  
And now since these, and more, are so in vogue,  
We pray, among the rest, accept their Rogue.   
On the impartial Commendation Of your Humble Servant J. S.   

THE French Rogue: Or, The LIFE of Monsieur RAGOVE.  

CHAP. I.  
An Exact and Pleasant Relation of his Parentage; early and monstrous Birth, being born with Hair and Teeth, five Months after his Mother was married: And of the Suspicion of his Legitimacy. The Discourse of the Gossips. A Story of a Barley Child. And what else materially happened on this Introductory Occasion.  
AS for my Birth, it may be termed Preternatural, above the common Course of Nature, or ra●her, somewhat Monstrous, as in the Sequel I shall demonstrate; and great Disputes arose about my Legitimation.  
As for my Parentage, the Father that owned me, was one Monsieur Ragove de Versailles, who had a little Country Seat near to that aspiring Palace, whose Stateliness has created so much Wonder and Commendation. He had spent his younger years in Amours and Intrigues with the Fair Sex, though very unfortunate in his Adventures of Knight-Errantry, as having squandered away his Patrimony in relieving distressed Damsels: so that being doubly destitute of Money and Friends, he betook him to his last shift; which was, to leave the soft Tents of Venus, and enter into those of Mars. But the Armies being at that time in Quarters, he had leisure to repair to his own Mansion; which having been roughly used by the surly Winds, who had cuffed off a great part of its Covering, was like that wherein Pope Urbino, a Fisherman's Son, was born, and of which, in his Pontifical Pride, he used scoffingly to make mention of saying, He came of an Illustrious House; for by reason of the scarcity of Money to repair it, the Sun darted in his glorious Rays at a great many more places than the Windows.  
As for his Diet, which otherwise must have been near as slender as that of a Chamelion's, he frequently resorted to the House of Villezaroy, at Versailles, which adjoined to the Royal Palace, who liberally dispensed his Bounty to all that appeared any thing like Gentlemen, by keeping a Table on purpose to entertain them.  
Here, as the lucky Stars would have it, he became acquainted, and was desperately smitten with the  Glances of my fair Mother's sparkling Eyes. She being an intreaguing Baggage, soon perceived by his steady and eager gazing on her, and the Sighs that sometimes would unpremeditatedly 'scape the Prison of his Bosom: yet as she had served many others, she seemed ignorant of his Passion, and careless of the officious Services he rendered her, as he found Occasion to tender 'em in the most obliging manner, when he thought he might best neck the Critical Minute of gaining her Affections.  
Now, some inquisitive Coxcomb or other may be desirous to know her Extract and Quality: Wherefore, not to leave this Particular undiscussed, I shall (as far as I learned from herself, which, I believe, was all she knew) clear the Point, and give him Satisfaction  
Though she had been well educated, her Birth was but mean, holding her Rank among the tailor's Daughters of Orleans, the Place where she sucked in her first Air; and was at twelve years old left to shift for herself, her Parents then stepping into the other World, and leaving her as much of this World, as by her Industry and Ingenuity she could procure of it, for a Portion, or Subsistence. She was, indeed, of a very pregnant or sagacious Wit and Understanding, quick of Apprehension, and had a Memory very tenacious; so that having trudged on footback to Versailles, in a pretty janty Garb, she soon got into Service, at first, to tend a Lady's Child; and then to be Lawndry-Maid to Fair Lucinda, a Marquis' Daughter: and so perfectly, in little time, learned the Art of Wheedling and Flattery; which she carried on so smoothly, that many were insensibly drawn into a good liking of her facetious way of Discourse and Carriage; and so infascinated at length they were, that they found themselves uneasy without her Company 〈◊〉 Conversation, and therefore much coveted it.  
She was not slow in perceiving the Ascendant she had over them upon this account, and resolved to turn it to her Advantage. She had frequent B●…bes from their amorous Admirers, to introduce them, deliver Letters, or plead their Lovesick Causes or Plaints to the Charming Fair Ones: which she did in so opportune and moving a time and manner, that Success usually attended her Endeavours. She often, on the other hand, managed the Lady's Intrigues, and was conscious of their stolen Pleasures. She was (it being a thing very rarely found in the Sex) excellent at sealing up a Secret from the Eyes and Ears of babbling Fame; imprisoning what they entrusted her with, as securely in her Bosom, as a Silkworm housed in a strong Box; and made it part of her business to secure their Honours and Reputations, to provide them Country Retirements, and faithful Nurses, when Nature compelled them to disburden the Products of their stolen Pleasures; excusing their Absence, if Enquiry was made, by informing the Inquisitive, That my young Lady was gone to pass some Days with her Country Relations, at their Rural Mansions; a●… sometimes she was sick, and could no● admit of Visitants; carrying it so demurely and serious in all her Expressions, that no ground was left to surmise: She told 'em an Aesop's Fable for a Veracity. But being young and sprightly, full of youthful Blood, gay and witty, she thought her Beauty suffered injury, not to be enjoyed as well as others; and thereupon set her Sprindgs', and threw out her Baits and Allurements for Woodcocks and Gudgeons, where she perceived any Game, or tendency to Sport or Profit: and many she took, to her great Advantage; among the rest, a Marquis' Son; who (not to be tedious with you) finding, as I suppose, and as she never without Blushes denied, that he had given her so much Lambswooll, that her Belly began to swell; upon notice, my Father was fallen in Love with her, for his own Reputation (being then married to a beautiful Lady) made up the Match, and gave them a considerable Farm to begin the World, as I may say, a new with. My Father, who had been a long time under the gripes of Necessity, was overjoyed, that at last, as he thought, some propitious Star had smiled on him, or that he had now found his good Angel, and mightily hugged himself in the little revival of his Fortune; she having over and above brought him 400 Crowns gotten in Service, and the forementioned intreaguing Businesses.  
They lived very happily together, always Billing and Cooing like two Turtles, till at the end of five Months, being in bed with her, all on a sudden she was taken with a violent Pain, the true cause of which she could no longer dissemble, but taking him about the Neck, almost stiflng him with Kisses, and bedewing his Cheeks with Tears, entreated him to rise and call a Midwife. At this he started, and muttered his Resentments and Discontent between his Teeth; but finding that it was but too true, and that there was now no other remedy, out he jumps, and as secretly as he could, brought in the good Women at a Backdoor, as knowing what was done was past preventing; and to blow his Horns, would but disturb the Neighbours, at such an unseasonable hour. My Mother was active and lively; and in a short space, by the help of the Generation-Drawer, I crept through the narrow Passage of Nativity, into the World, having, contrary to the usual Birth of other Children, indifferent long Hair on my Head; and when one of the Women went to clap me to her Breast, not suspecting any danger, the rest of the Gossips thought she had been falling in Labour too, and expected more Hot-Suppings; for she roared out in a piteous manner, and would have thrown me from her Arms, but that, like a Wolf, I hung too fast by the Teeth at her Nipple, and made a crimson trickling descend her panting Hill of warm Snow; which presaged what bloody work I would make before I have done with the World. With much ado, and the help of the Midwife's Bodkin, they made me quit my hold; and all of them wondered to see my Fangs so long and sharp, every one spending a Verdict on me, as their Fancies and Opinions led 'em, as to what these unusual Prodromo's might forerun, or signify, in the whole Series of my Life.  
By this time, the  being Cold, my Father advertised of his Spouse's safe Delivery, adventured into the Chamber, wrapped in his Cloak, walking up and down in querpo, declaring, by his furious Motion, and sullen Looks, he was much troubled at what had happened; which he feared would reflect upon him, and redound to his Disgrace and Affront. My Mother called often to him with abundance of honey Words, as, My Dear, My Bird, My Chuck, etc. why are you so strange to me at this time; I prithee, Love, draw nearer, and kiss me. But all would not do, he answered her never a word, but still kept his Motion, with a wrinkled Forehead, and bended Brows. The good Women seeing this, and not being ignorant of the Cause of his Disturbance, when in another case it would have been a Comfort and Delight to him, thinking to put him out of his Dumps, carried me, by this time, finely dressed, and smiling, said, Pray, Monsieur, turn about, and look upon your hopeful Offspring; your very Picture, I protest and vow: Oh, sweet Babe! Look here! Look here! its Fathers none Nose, Month, Chin, and every thing so like you!— A Pox! (replied he, muttering in a surly Tone) I know not but it may be like the Father; but then (fetching a deep Sigh, continued he) it can't be like me:— Why so? Why so? (says Mother Midnight, who bore up briskly to him, and wanting her Foreteeth, sputtered in his Face, through her earnestness of speaking.)— What! (said he) a Five Month's Child, so large and lusty, and mine! Tell me no more on't (biting his Nails) it can never, never. be, (and then stamped and fretted?)— Not be! Not be! (replied she hastily, still pursuing him as he walked about,) Upon my corporal Honesty, I protest it may be, and has been a hundred times, to my knowledge; therefore, pray Sir, have but patience to hear me, and I'll soon convince you. Ay! As how? As how? (said he, beginning to lessen his Anger, and listen to her.)— Why (said she) Don't you see, Wheat is sowed in September, and yet it is but ripe in August? And, Don't every one that knows any thing of Country Affairs, see, that Barley sowed in the beginning of March, is ripe as soon, or sooner; why, here's Five Month's difference in the Grain, and this pretty Babe here, want● but Four: Dod a blesh it and shaveit, this is a Barley Child, take my Word for't; and as for the next, you need not doubt but it will be a Wheat Child; and therefore, pray Sir, set your Heart at rest, and be contented, and thankful for what God has sent you.  
This a little cleared up the angry; Cloud that hung on his Brow, threatening a Storm; and though he was not so ignorant, as altogether to credit the old Gipsy, yet finding he must acquiesce, and the sooner the better, he gave my Mother a reconciling Buss, or two, who crowded two Louid'ors into his Hand: with which going to the next Tavern, he washed away Sorrow from his Heart in good Company.   

How he was admired for his large Size and Comeliness, in his Infancy: How a Great Lady seeing him in the Streets, took a Fancy to him, had him under her Tuition, by the Consent of his Parents; put him to School: And of many things that befell him there, in the Juvenile Progress of his Learning, and little Rogueries.  
BEing tumbled into the World in the manner before recited, without (as I ever heard on) any Blazing-Stars, or Prodigy forerunning or attending my Birth, I was brought up by Hand: for a Suckler dreaded my sharp Fangs, as much as a Shipwrecked Sailor, floating on the Waves towards some friendly Shore, does the meeting of a Shark; or the Egyptians, near Nilus, an Allegator. As I was of an extraordinary Bigness, when I thrust my Head out of Nature's dark Working-Room, being lustily crammed by my tender and indulgent Mother, I grew apace, and came to my Legs and Speech to Admiration, before Children that had been born a great many Months before me did, or were expected to do; so that many Persons made it their business to pretend sham-Errants to our House, on no other purpose than to see me: and the Lasses took a singular pleasure in doudling, kissing me, and feeling my Cock; which, in Infancy, promised what it has since performed to the Satisfaction of the Fair Sex.  
I no sooner was so fledged, that I could run about without a Rowler or Leading-strings; but a great Lady passing by our Gate in her Coach, eyeing me narrowly, was mightily taken with my Physiognomy, and pretty manner of Tattling to my diminutive Play-Fellows; who calling me to her, and almost smothering me with Kisses, demanded whose pretty Boy I was? Nor could she forbear smiling, when instead of an Answer to her Demand, seeing her delicate white Breasts, meandered with Azure Veins, rendering them very charming and tempting to my Eyes, I fell not only to nuzling, but stroking and playing with them: At last, she got out of me, who my Father and Mother were; and understood, by my pointing to the House, the place of their Abode. It seems, this beautiful Creature was, by her own ambitious Inclination to Honour, and the Persuasion of her Parents, married to an old fumbling Count; with whom she had lived five Years without any Child, or hopes of having one by him; and therefore, to upbraid his Impotency, or stir him up, if possible, to a more active Vigour, or frequenter Repetition of the Lesson she loved, she was desirous to have me to set as a Pattern before his Eyes, and thereupon ordered her gaudy glittering four Wheeled Movement to drive nearer to our Door.  
My Father and Mother happening to be at home, wondered what great Visitant this might be; but more, when they saw her hugging their hopeful Issue in her Arms: They accosted her with what Compliments, on a sudden, bolted into their Heads; and she returned them suitable Civilities: but when she came to start the Question, of parting with me, and what Great Things she would do for me, my Mother, whose Darling I was (though by this time she had another Son) seemed very averse to it: But my Father, who seldom looked on me with pleasing Eyes, it still running in his Mind, that I was none of his Begetting, was more attentive to her Discourse; and prevailed with my Mother, that within ten days I should be sent to her Ladyship; she, by reason of her great Quality, not being unknown to either of them: And so having given me a fervent Kiss, or two, and clapping a small Necklace of Pearl, as an Earnest of her Kindness, about my Neck, she took her leave, highly satisfied in this Adventure.  
She was no sooner gone, but my Mother, dropping some Tears, repent her Consent; and laboured, by many Arguments and Persuasions, to have revoked and nulled it: But my Father, more willing to be rid of me, persuaded her to acquiesce in a Separation that promised so much, not only to mine, but, as he strongly urged, the Advancement of our Family; and accordingly I was sent, under the safe Conduct of Margery our Maid; and fancied I became, as it were, the adopted Son of Pharaoh's Daughter.  
The old Lord, I perceived at my first arrival, was a little doubtful whether his young Lady had told him the truth; or that being sensible of his Inabilities, it might be her own Offspring by some dusty Lover, upon his absence on an Embassy, at the time he fancied I might be made and brought into the World. But upon a sober Enquiry, and the coming of my Mother to visit me, this blue over, and he found himself obliged, in Honour, to crave Madam's Pardon for his unjust Suspicion; and I was splendidly clothed, entertained, and attended; and by my pretty Discourse, and little Apish Tricks, diverted my Lady in her Fits of Melancholy, more than her Buffoon, or Monkey: and for my better Accomplishment, being arrived at my Tenth Year, without many other remarkable Transactions of my Life, that no Qualifications might be wanting in me worthy of acquiring, and for the Improvement of Education, I was put under the Tuition of a famous Pedagogue, or Schoolmaster, who spared no Correction for the benefit or furtherance of Instruction.  
I learned to read and write French pretty tolerable the first Year; and by conversing with an Italian Youth, I pretty well understood that Language: but the next Year, being put to the dull Grammatical Methods and Rules of Scholastical Education, it grew tiresome to me, my magnanimous Spirit being by Nature exalted above it; yet having with great difficulty, in another Perambulation of the Sun through the Twelve Signs of the Zodiac, crowded myself into the company of Adverbs, Prepositions, and Interjections, etc. with which I did so kick, cuff & scuffle, that notwithstanding my Master gave all possible Assistance to his Disciple, yet he found the Opponents too crabbed to be overcome: which unhappy Contests frequently ended in most cruel Flagellations, that made me but the more stubborn and regardless, though he ploughed and furrowed my tender Buttocks, till they carried the Marks and Characters of all Languages on them. Shame, and desire of Revenge, stopped my Complaints, or my good-natured Lady would not have suffered me to have undergone such Severities: which Revenge, as sweet to me as Eggs and Muscadine, I accomplished before I intended to take my Farewell, as will appear in the next Chapter.   

CHAP. III.  
Of his Master's Severity towards him, by reason of his neglecting his Learning, and following his Sports, to the out-witting and defrauding his Companions: And how, by divers comical Tricks and Intrigues, he pursued his Revenge, caused his Mistress to run away with one of the Scholars, and all the Money and Plate; which breaks his Master's Heart, and so he returned to his Lady.  
TO divert the Trouble my Master's Severity put me into, I bent my study upon all manner of boyish Recreations, and became very expert therein, beyond the rest of my Companions, as Tipcat, Cricket, Span-Farthing, Skittle-Pins, Cudgels, Wrestling, and the like; by which, over and above the Allowance I had from my Lady, whom rarely I went to visit, but she crowded a Crown into my Hand at parting, I gained considerably in Money and Experience; and finding my old Pedegogue covetous, I fell into a dextrous way to buy off my Faults with Presents of curious Fruits, and choice Wines, which I pretended my Mother, or my Lady, had sent me, and sometimes, he being none of the richest or best Husbands, with Money I suggested to have found in the streets; which so charmed him, that much of my usual Punishment was abated, though my Learning made no better progress; yet I heinously resenting how scurvily he had used me, the desire of Revenge still run in my Mind and I was resolved, in some measure or other, to cry quits with him at parting.  
I cast in my mind various ways how to bring it about: sometimes one Project liked me, and then another jostled it out of the way; some seemed easy to be accomplished, others presented themselves in frightful Ideas, full of Hazard and Danger, and very difficult to be brought about, and me to come off with safety; insomuch, that although I was very quick at Invention, especially of Mischief, which my Schoolfellows had frequently experienced, to their smart and loss: yet here, I confess, I was at a plunge; but not long after, a ●ucky, or unlucky Hit (call it which you please) came into my Noddle, though somewhat, as yet, undigested, and not well shapen: I had observed the oldest of our Scholars, who had arrived at nineteen years of age, and was substituted by my Master, sometimes, as a kind of an Usher to supply his Place, when he had a mind to be among his toping Companions, and by his Complaints, had many times caused me a smarting, to have a leering Inclination towards my Mistress, who being sprightly and gay, in her youthful Blood, and before, his Chambermaid, had married the Dotard for a more certain and regular Subsistance, and larger Command, and that she had not declined the Civilities the young Amorist omitted no Occasion to tender her. I concluded, upon these Observations there must be something more than ordinary in the winding up of the bottom, and therefore became a more intent and di●igent Spy upon their Actions, critically marking their Glances, Smiles and Winks, and scrutenizing the nicest Symbols of Love, till I verily believed my Master was very near, if not already entered the Kingdom of Cuckoldom; then I began to contrive 'Gins and Snares to catch him in the uneasy and dangerous Trap of Jealousy; and by degrees, led him into greater Mishaps and Perturbations, if possible.  
One Evening, my Mistress feigned herself indisposed, and would needs go to bed sooner than ordinary; which made me more sedulous in putting myself on the watch for a further Discovery: and thereupon, sneaking up before her, as soft as if I had trod upon Eggs, I was soon concealed behind the Arras. She was scarcely entered, and in a Posture charming enough to receive her Lover, but I heard one trip up Stairs, and give a gentle rap or two at the Door. Upon this, she jumped out of Bed, and gave admittance to the Party I had all along suspected to be more welcome to her Arms than my Master. Having almost stifled him with Kisses, and whispered many endearing Expressions into his Ear; for it seems, being one of Cupid's Novices, he was somewhat bashful in encountering these Enjoyments, he quickly unstript, and his lovely Venus as soon enfolded him in her Arms; and so they began a Citizen's galloping pace at his first setting out; but after frequent Repetitions, tired and satiated with sweet Enjoyments, after some pretty Murmur, and Love-toying, so long a silence ensued, that I concluded them a-sleep; and so intending to steal away undiscovered, and send up my Master, I crept from 'em as silent as a Ghost: but as I was going out, ' spying a Gluepot over a glimmering Fire in the Chimney, left there by the forgetfulness of the Joiner, who had been cementing the disjointed Frame of a great Looking glass that stood in the Room, another Whim came into my Head; for perceiving their Optics fast closed, I with a gentle Hand stroked them over with the glutinous Materials; and leaving them in that Condition, I locked the Door on the outside, and crept down Stairs as softly as I ascended. I thought indeed to have found old Ram-head in his Study, where sometimes he was wont to sit up late; but peeping through the Keyhole, and perceiving no Light, nor hearing that snoring he usually made if he fell a-sleep, and surfered his Candle to burn out, I concluded he was not there; but coming into the Kitchen, I heard the Cookmaid say, I must go lay the Key for my Master; for he's a sucking at the Tavern among the old Gang, and I believe he will not come home till his usual hour of Twelve. This gave larger scope to my Invention; and pretending to go to Bed, as the rest did, I, however, crept down to prepare for his Reception, when he should enter. In the first place, I drew up a Trap-Door in an Entry he was to pass, made for the conveniency of emptying or cleansing the Sink and Boghouse, which run under it, and then planted myself behind the Outward-Door, with a frightful sort of Vizard tied over my Face, with a Cap on, to which a pair of Horns were fixed, that we had sometimes used in our private Masquerading; and lest my  should be know, I had stripped over my Shoulders an old cast Black Crape Petticoat; and having a small Rocket in my Breeches, the remainder of the last public Firework Entertainment, with my Pocket-Tinderbox I struck, fire, and tinded my Match.  
Being thus accoutered, he came somewhat sooner than I expected; and by his grunting, and fumbling for the Key under the Door, I perceived he was somewhat sucky, or addle-Pated: at length he opened it, yet advanced but a few steps  he blundered over me, who had laid myself as a Stumbling-block in his way, and miserably broke his Face against the Pavement; but before he had time to make any noise, I had got up and fired my Rocket; by the light of which unexpected fuze, lifting up his battered Forehead, and seeing my dreadful Form, concluded me to be no other than the first-begotten of Belzebub, come to punish him for his sins of the Bottle; upon which, bolting up at a leap, Fear adding Wings to his Feet, he fled amain, crying out, The Devil! The Devil! Help! Help! He has me! He has me! whilst I pursued with a Fire-drake at his Tail, crying with a hollow and hoarse Voice, through a Kecks, Thou art mine, Thou art mine; and with me you shall go to the Shades Below.  
I had scarce ended these Words, but the Trap took him, and down he plunged into the Filth, over Head and Ears; when throwing the unspent part of my Rocket, which till then I held in my Hand, after him, I shut down the Door upon him, and was got to my Chamber just as it gave the Bounce; which being just above the Place, I could hear him bellow out hideously, I'm in Hell! I'm in Hell! Oh, Mercy! Mercy! Mercy! Which doleful Noise alarmed the nearest of the Servants, and they roused others; and, to be brief, being directed where he was by the the Noise he continually made, they lifted up the Pitfall, and drew him out, like another Joseph, in a miserable stinking Condition, almost senseless, through Fear and Stench, wondering how, possibly, he could come there, the Door being shut so close down: but as soon as they had given him some Spirits to revive him, he frightfully looking about with abrupt Stammerings and Hesitation, assured them, That a monstrous stump-footed Devil, in a horrid shape, vomiting flames of Fire, had seized him, just as he entered the Door, and was carrying him that way, as he believed, ●o his Infernal Region; but, upon saying an Ave-Maria, the Daemon quitted his hold, and vanished in a Clap of Thunder, that had singed his Whiskers.  
His Fear being a little dissipated, the pickle he was in, made not only himself, but all that were about him, uneasy, till they had put him into a Bucking-Tub under the Pump, and scrubbed him into somewhat a more sweet and cleanly Condition. Whilst this was doing, and I not perceiving my Mistress and her Lover all this while to stir, resolved, now I had begun, to go thoroughstitch with my Roguery; and therefore, taking an End of Candle that stood by me, I light it by the help of my Tinderbox, put it in a Darklanthorn, and creeping undiscovered near their Apartment, set an old tattered Map of the World, pasted on Canvas, and hanging in the Staircase, on fire: and being sure, that before it could do any harm, it would be discovered by the blazing Light, and so concluding I had made Fireworks enough, I crept to Bed again; which I had no sooner done, but my Ears were saluted with the noise of Fire! Fire! and and could hear my Old Master roar out in his Bucking-Tub, He's come again! He's come again! and will have me! I see his Sawcer-Eyes glaring through the Casement! and as a Charm against the supposed Fury, mumbled over divers Passages in the Rosary, and rattled his Beads.  
The Noise of Fire alarmed the Watch, and they came thundering at the Outer-Door; and had the sooner admittance, because those of the Servants who, perhaps, did not suppose it to be the Devil, nor his Dam, fancied there might be Thiefs in the House. The Night-Governour no sooner advanced with his Guard of Bilbo-Blades, but my Master took a little Courage, as supposing now, having Authority on his side, they were strong enough to scuffle with Lucifer himself, should he make any further Attempt or Disturbance: but perceiving his dear Wife had not appeared during all this Noise, Hurry and Confusion, he fell into dreadful Apprehensions, that Demigorgon, in his retreat, might have catcht her napping, and taken her for him, or that, at least, some other mischief might have befallen her, and so flouncing out of his Tub (like Lazarillo de Tormes, in his escape, when he was taken and showed for a monstrous Sea-Fish) he prayed the Man of Authority, and his Janizary-Tribe, to go with him to the Chamber of his Sweeting; yet Fear so shook him, that he strained Courtesy to make them the Front, that he might have the honour to be in the Front, if they should have occasion to face-about.  
Their Leaden-heeled trampling up Stairs, and a bounce or two at the Door, made the two Lovers start out of their sweet and pleasant Dreams; and just as the Door was opened, (for the Key was still on the outside) they leapt out of Bed in their Shifts; and not being able to see, their Eyes being so fast glued, but hearing a great number of Voices, verily supposed them Thiefs and Murderers, who had killed the rest of the Family, and were come to dispatch them last; wherefore, running skreaming about the Room, as supposing themselves in the dark, tho' several Lights were brought in, in seeking for shelter, they tumbled headlong over the Stools and Chairs, which I had set out of rank for some such purpose; so that my Mistress' delicate white Buttock turned up, and she produced her Ace of Trumpets for Highest, by rolling over; whilst her young Amorist, being hindermost, and taking his turn at tumbling, pitched directly over a Chair, with his Head between her Haunches.  
Those that saw them at these Vagaries, and they not harkening to what they said, took them to be a couple of distracted Persons; till my Master coming in, and putting on his Spectacles, perceived how the Game had gone, and like a good-natured Husband, though it fretted his Gall, to be privately injured, and publicly disgraced, hasted to cover his dear Wife's naked Beauty, which lay too temptingly exposed to vulgar Eyes, by carrying her into Bed, and throwing the  over her. Hearing her Husband's Voice, she was a little comforted, as knowing now this was not the last hour she had to live, nor the last time she should serve him so, but with hopes of better luck than to be so basely betrayed into a Disgrace, by over-drowsiness; yet she alleged, she knew not how his Scholar (who was all this while upon his Knees begging Mercy and Forgiveness) came into her Chamber, or how their Eyes came to be shut up, unless it was by Witchcraft: Which the old indulgent Coxcomb comparing with what had befallen himself, either that he believed it, or that he feigned he did so, to hid the Shame, and hinder these Passages, as much as he could, from being made public, concluded, at that time it was so; and dismissing the Watch with Money and Thanks, entreating them not to scatter any Words abroad of what they had heard and seen. But they were no Privy-Counsellors; for in a short time, all the neighbouring Places rung of these Adventures  
Warm Milk was immediately brought to unseal the Eyes of these blinded Lovers; which, with much rubbing, struggling and pain, opened their Optics (like our First Parents, in Paradise, when fallen, to blush the more at what they had offended in.) My Master surpressing his Anger, said no more of it that Night, but ordered the young Gamester to his Bed, and went himself to another, as not being yet sweetened and aired sufficiently to come between my Mistress' Arms, though she Complementally desired it; but with what Sincerity you may imagine.  
Early in the Morning he came to his Spouse, having broke his Rest by a thousand Fancies and Imaginations running all night in his Head, and laboured to get out of her the Truth of the Matter, in Generals or Particulars: But she being a cunning Baggage, and having a great ascendant over his Credulity, persisted, it was done by Witchcraft; and she knew no more how it otherwise came about, than the Man in the Moon. Resolving not to give it over so, he goes to the Youngster, and beginning to examine him, bid him freely confess, as he hoped for Pardon; for his Mistress had declared, That when he crept to Bed to her, she was deceived, and knew not but it was him, her Husband. The Noddy thinking this to be true, and fearing a Rape, at least, would be laid to his Charge, fell on his Knees, and declared, his Mistress tempted him to these Enjoyments, by urging the Impotency of her Husband, and that this was not the first by an hundred times. At this my Old Master being enraged, as supposing him to be the Contriver of the Mischiefs that had befallen himself, drags him into the School, calls in his Man; and having tied our young Cuckold-maker, Hand and Foot, cross a Table, immediately locked up his Wife, to prevent a Rescue; and he fell to cooling his Courage, at such a thrashing rate, on his Buttocks, that after the tiring himself, and the expense of two Brooms, he left such bloody Remembrances, as neither Bridewell, or the Cart's-tail, ever produced.  
My Mistress hearing the miserable Outcry her distressed Gallant made, at last ventured out at the Window, by the Sheets tied together, and came and unbound him, being ready to swoon away at so piteous a Sight: And (to be brief) soon after they so plotted, that he going away in discontent, she robbed my Master of all his Money, Plate, and richest Things, and followed her abler Gamester to Places of freer Enjoyment: Insomuch, that Grief soon after cast my Pedagogue into a Fever, and that cast him into the Grave, and gave me the Revenge and Liberty, with as fine a Come-off as ever I could have wished, and much better than I could reasonably have expected, though I could have been contented my Old Master had had more Wit than to have dwindled into the other World upon so slight Occasion: yet I have ever made it my Observations, That such as tyrannize over prostrate Creatures have neither Hearts nor Courage to face or sustain Crosses or Afflictions, when they press hard upon themselves.  

He that will triumph o'er a Wretch distressed,  
Sinks lowest, when by Misery oppressed:  
The Noble and the Brave, who scorn to tread  
On Worms, when Fortune srowns, hold up their Head,  
And dare the threatening Storm, as free from Wrongs,  
That crowd on guilty Minds in fearful throngs.  
But here, I must confess, was no such guilt;  
My Buttocks smarted, without much Blood spilt;  
Yet I too rash Revenge sheathed to the Hilt:  
Ruined a Family at one bold stroke,  
For one's dam'd Whim, who durst my Rage provoke?  
So have I heard, A Comet, from his Hair  
Shakes Death and Ruin. Then let all beware,  
Lest in my Shape a Basilisk appear,  
Whose darting Eyes sends out a poisonous flame,  
That kills, though unperceived from whence it came;  
A Shaft of Fate through trembling Air there flies,  
That Life, through ne'er so guarded, can surprise.  
Thus springing Secret Mines, I overthrew  
That Strength that open Force could never do.    

CHAP. IU.  
How he returns to his Lady. His kind Reception. And contemplating on her excellent Beauty. How he goes Abroad a Visiting with her, being constituted her Page; and in her Visit to a great Lady, puts a very comical Trick upon a drowsy Friar, the Lady's Confessor, etc. to the Mirth and Wonder of the Family.  
WE poor Scholars, upon my Master's Exit into I know not what World, though not at the usual Tides or Festivals Breaking-up, had a long Jubilee, and returned to our sundry Habitations. As for my part, my charitable Lady received me with as much Kindness as she did when my lucky Stars threw me first in her way: which, in Gratitude, constrained me to a double-Diligence in obliging her, as far as my tender Years capacitated me. She decked me now with finer Plumes than ever, constituting me her Page to wait on her at Home and Abroad. And my Lord was no less pleased with my little Waggeries, spending some Hours, in Winter-nights', to hear me run on in Discourse of Childish Recreations; and if I bolted out any thing that made my Lady fall into a Fit of Laughter, he seemed overjoyed; for he Loved her entirely, even to Doting; and when, at any time, she was discomposed, he suited his Humour to sympathise with her in Melancholy: for, indeed, she was a very Curious Creature, Cast in one of Nature's choicest Moulds; so that when she was Formed, no doubt, our General Dame cried, A Lucky Hit; and reserved her as a Pattern of Beauty.  
Young as I was, I could seldom, when in her Presence, keep my Eyes fixed upon any other Object. I had heard much Talk of Venus; and I concluded, if there was a Rarity in Creation, of that Sex, this must be she. Thus, in my Childish Imaginations, I formed Ideas to myself; and that so strongly, that finding her, one day, sleeping upon a Couch, I took the boldness to rumple her ruby Lips with Kisses. At which she waked, and smiled; yet blamed my Presumption, and told me, I must not presume to offer any more such unbecoming Rudeness, lest I forfeited the Esteem and Favours she had bestowed upon me.  
Abashed with this Reprimand, which, however had something of Mildness and Serenity in it, I retired at an awful distance, and bending one Knee to the Ground, humbly implored her Pardon for my unadvised Rashness. Well, said she, I give it you, and take it as only proceeding from the Effects of youthful Folly, but beware how you transgress any more in this nature. I promised her I would not, but ever observe my Distance and Respect to her Ladyship She could not forbear smiling at the Simplicity of my Excuse; and so with some Cringes and Scrapes I quitted her Retiring-Room, and left her to her Repose.  
The next Morning, she gave Order I should wait on her Abroad. At which I was not a little overjoyed, as conceiting, like those in the Frozen North, upon the Sun's retiring, all was gloomy and dark when she withdrew herself from my sight; yet was so ignorant, that I protest I knew not then to what my Desires tended, being, as I may say, in Embryo, a formless and disordered Chaos, or Confusion, till maturer Years had polished my green Understanding.  
The Coach being ready about Ten in the Morning Abroad we went, and my Lady paid Visits to divers Persons of Honour, without any long stay; till at last, coming to a great Countess' House, very pleasant and delightful in its curious Situation and Gardens, resembling the Primitive Paradise; she resolved not only to dine there, but spend a part of the Heat of the Day under the Umbrage of those cool and spreading Shades: of which I was not a little glad, for my Belly grumbled for an Antidote against Emptiness. Our Entertainment was very sumptuous, and various Discourses passed of State Affairs, and sometimes of Amorous Intrigues. I, though I Waited, and a Stranger, not being minded, by way of Scruple, by reason of my Nonnage; yet as little as I seemed to regard it, I could perceive my Lady smile, with her dazzling Eyes, on a florid brisk young Caveliero, and many interchangeable Glances passed between them; and having heard him named, I concluded, by what had been reported of my Mother upon my so sudden coming into the World, for whose sake it was that she kindly entertained me; for this Gallant, upon a more strict Enquiry, in which I was not wanting among the Servants, proved to be the very Man that Fame had whispered abroad for my True Father: The Conceit of which did not a little swell my Pride; for I was naturally Ambitious, and, methoughts, had a Mind that soared at things above my reach. Once or twice I thought to take an opportunity to lay Claim to him before we parted from that House; but then Fear and Shame checked my Resolves, and something within me commanded me to wave it, lest being mistaken, I repent my saucy Presumption: so that leaving, him and my Lady, as I was commanded, for the more privacy of Discourse in the Walks, after Dinner, I went to take a View of the Apartments, rambling up and down by myself, admiring now the curious Pictures on the Staircases, and in the Galleries; then the curious Fretwork, and gilded Ceilings; by and by, the curious Painted Glass in the Windows; till passing many stately Rooms, I at last came into the Dormitory, or Sleeping-Apartment for the Servants; and what should my Eyes fix on, as the first Object, but a huge Two-handed Fat Friar, of the Order (as I perceived by his Habit) of St. Francis, lying on a Couch on the Ground, fast asleep, and snoring like a Rattle-Snake; and whatever pleasant Dream, of the Confession of some pretty wanton Wench, had come into his Head, I know not, but his Label of Mortality, he decumbing on his Back, had broke Prison; and, Maypole like, disdained its Stateliness should be hid. I was upon this, once or twice, about to call the Maids to take Measure of it; but being in a strange Place, I knew not whether it might be taken for a Jest, or an Affront; and therefore thought it better to leave him in such a Rampant Posture, than to expose his Vigour to the Longing Appetites of buxom Lasses: But to further my mischievous Design, and compel Father Shaveling to sing Ave-Maria backward, to the Tune of, The Miller's Gelding the Devil, in a little House hard by, I heard a Calf blating, as bemoaning the Absence of his Dam: whereupon lifting up the Latch, I loosed him from his Stall and brought him to the Priest, to make his Confession of being an Hungry; and guided him so near, that he soon espied what I directed him to: which he taking for his Mammy's Teat, greedily seized it, and fell to tugging, frisking his Tail, and soft blating, till he had lugged Sir Domine off the Couch. In the mean while, having softly tied his Legs and Hands, to prevent his disengaging himself, I writ upon a Board over-against him, with a Phosphoros, Woe be to you Whoremongers! which immediately, as it's nature is, fell into a Blue Flame, burning in large Characters, plain and legible, which the Darkness of the Place rendered more dreadful. Upon which, I vanished, to listen, at a distance, undiscovered, what might be the Event.  
This Babe of a Cow, as I suppose, finding no Milk come, sucked and nibbled so hard, that he waked the drowsy Priest; who seeing himself thus surprised, and the dreadful Handwriting on the Wall, betwixt Pain and Fear, made him roar out, like Perillus in Phalarus' Brazen Bull. Which alarming the Maids in the Pantry, they came running to see what the Matter was: But seeing their ghostly Father so entangled, and seized on by a Cloven-sooted Creature, and the harmless Flame still burning (its nature being so to continue about a Quarter of an Hour) they run out skreaming; whilst he, in a lamentable Tone, cried after them, to bring his Pot of Holy-Water, to douse the supposed Daemon, and send him packing to the Red Sea.  
The Noise these Wenches made, brought several young Ladies, and the rest of the Servants: who understanding the Cause of the Out cry and Disturbance, peeped in at the Door, but durst adventure no further; till with much struggling, the good Father got lose, and came running out among them, Crossing himself, the Calf still following at his Breech, pushing him forward, and nuzling in search of the mistaken Teat; which now deprived of its Vigour, hung dangling out; which caused the Females to scamper and squeak: but one of the Men-Servants, more bold than the rest, perceiving the Priest's Error, laid hold on the  Animal: which undeceiving the Assembly, turned their Panic Fear into loud Laughter.  
The Priest, upon this, bitten his Thumbs, raged, stamped and fretted, drawing his Knife, to take bloody Revenge upon his Affronter; but was hindered, and the Matter excused, as happening by Accident, through the Innocency and Mistake of the Beast; but how the strange flaming Handwriting came, they were at a loss to define, some of them concluding this happened as a Judgement to discover the Secret Sins of the Confessor. However, it made a great Noise in the Family, so that the Priest, through Shame and Anger, shut him up in his Chamber, and appeared no more that day in public, though he was often sent for to Prayers.  
My Lady, upon our going Home, perceiving me laughing hearty at what had passed, and knowing how I was inclined to Archness and Waggery, charged me to tell her if I had any hand in the Matter. When not being able to conceal any thing from her, I told her plainly how I had managed the Intrigue, with all the Circumstances that attended the Adventure. At which she could not forbear smiling and blushing: and when we come to our Mansion, it served for Table-Talk at Supper; and so tickled my Old Lord's Fancy, that with straining too much in an excessive Fit of Laughter, he bepissed himself, and was forced to hasten into the Laundry for a dry Clout; which proved a new Subject for Merriment.  

Thus my small Rogueries crept up by degrees,  
Till grown to Monsters frightfuller than these;  
No Conjuring Monk such Magic Mischief wrought,  
As I, by Roguish Wit, on the World's Stage have brought.    

CHAP. V.  
How undertaking to Travel with a young Lord, he viewed several stately Towns and Cities; gives a Description of the Alps, in his Passage; and the Strange, tho' very Comical and Pleasant Entertainment they met with in their first Night's Lodging in Italy: And other Matters.  
NExt Opportunity I had to wait on my Lady in private, she demanded whether I was willing to go with the young Gentleman that walked with her in the Garden, to travel? urging how much it would be to my Advantage, for the seasoning and accomplishing my Youth with all those Qualifications that might hereafter render me acceptable to my Superiors. At this, I fixed my Eyes on the Ground, and appeared melancholy; not but that I had a great Desire to Ramble, but thought it intolerable to be divorced, by a tedious Exile, to forego the Pleasure I took in gazing on her Charming and Angelical Features. But she urged it so far, that at last I consented, if my Mother's Approbation might be had. Which she undertook to procure; and with some difficulty she yielded; and the rather, because her Husband, my reputed Father, had sworn to be the death of me, if ever I came in his way, for saying, among my quondam Schoolfellows, when they upbraidingly started a Suspicion of my Legitimacy, That I had rather be accounted the Base Son of that Noble Lord they twitted me with, than the True Offspring of that pitiful Pimping Cuckold, Monsieur Ragove: Which unadvised Words, foolishly let drop, were so loudly babbled abroad, that by one means or other it came to his Ear. My Mother and I thereupon, parted with Tears; and the next Day, the young Lord de Villeroy, Son to the Marquis of that Name (for such I found him to be) came to our House with a very splendid Equipage, to take his leave of my Old Lord, but especially of my Young Lady, who was his Kinswoman at some distance: and understanding, as he desired, I was to accompany him, he seemed mightily pleased; and more, when ask me divers Questions, he found me endowed with singular Natural Parts, and a prompt Wit. My loving Lady caused her Steward to furnish me with all things necessary, and a Cockhorse I mounted. Far we had not rid, but feeling in the Pockets of my Horseman's Coat, I found a Box, and in it Forty Luid'ors, or Seventeen and sixpenny Pieces of Gold. I presently knew the fair Hand from whence they came, and blessed my lucky Stars, and her more bright in my Eyes than any Constellation, whose Bounty had reigned this shower of Gold upon me.  
We travelled through divers fair and pleasant Countries, took a View of many stately Cities and Burroughs: and I observed, in all the Places where we Lodged and Inned, my Lord had a more peculiar Regard of me, than of any other of his Retinue; which, he told me, was for my Lady's sake, who had tenderly recommended me to his Care. Passing the huge rugged Alpine Mountain, by that narrow Passage that leads out of France, I perceived, though the Wether was extreme Hot at the Bottom, we were on the Top, as in a Winter-season, the Air being Thin and Sharp; the Snow, though in the Middle of Summer, lay thick, and undissolved in divers Valleys, or Hollows of the Rock; and in heavy lowering Wether, a Sea of Watery Clouds floated beneath us; the Sun shining, and all being serene and calm over our Heads. In four Days we passed those mighty Mountains, and entered Italy; it being his purpose to visit that once Famous Country in times past, renowned for its pleasant Situation and Fertility throughout the World, but now, through the Pride and Contention of the Nobility 〈◊〉 Laziness of the Commonalty, and 〈◊〉 ●ope's of Rome's Usurpation and Tyranny over a great part of the most flourishing Provinces, it is much decayed, and its Grandeur dwindled into scarcely any thing that may be compared to its former State and Tranquillity, many Castles and Villages lying waste and ruinated, without Inhabitants or Owners; so that the Roads, by reason of the Banditti, and other sorts of Outlaws, Robbers, and Rapparees, are very dangerous to travel without a strong Guard, especially by Strangers who are unacquainted with such Turn as may enable them to avoid their usual Lurking-places; as I found by woeful Experience, which sufficiently punished me for my former Waggeries, but hardened and prompted me in greater Mischiefs.  
We passed to the Confines of Naples▪ without meeting with any considerabl● Adventures worth relating, unless ●ome uneasy Quarters▪ for one time, missing of a Guide, and mistaking our Road▪ we fell short of any convenient Tow● or Village capable to receive us; so tha● the Sun being down, my Lord ordered one of his Servants to call 〈◊〉 a few straggling Houses, to see if they could afford us any Entertainment: The chie 〈◊〉 of 'em appeared to be a kind of an Inn▪ and to that they made their first Address▪ The Master, upon our calling, come 〈◊〉 out in an old tattered Shepherd's Coat▪ and being dimm-sighted, clapped his Spectacles on his Nose, the better to discer●… what we were; and seeing our Equ●…page above the ordinary Rank, wi●… many obliging Scrapes and Cringes, told us his House was at our Service, and we should be very well entertained. It growing dark, my Lord accepted of his Proffer, and so we dismounted: but when he perceived the Hang consisted only of Cobwebs, and the other Furniture not much unanswerable to them, he would have been gone, had he not been assured there was no better Conveniency within Three Leagues; and the Night was not only dark, and much over-cl●…ded, but that by the Rain, that then began to fall in greater Showers, were promised greater Inconveniences, besides the threatened Danger of the Way; and I being very much tired, was glad of an Opportunity to rest me; but more overjoyed, when I saw the Pot over the Fire, verily concluding before, that that had been Fasting-Night, and we must have gone Supperless to Bed, not expecting any Provisions in such a Place, at such a time of Night.  
Our Landlord having Welcomed my Lord, and his Retinue, with such Compliments as he had, ordered the Cloth immediately to be laid in the Parlour, and a great Bustle there was in the House to put Things in pimlico; when all on a sudden my Landlady cried out, she had not Chairs or Stools enough, and so sent her Daughter to the Neighbours a borrowing; but they being as slenderly provided, she could procure only a Form on which they used to kill Hogs; and that it might come least in sight, was planted at the Lower-end of the Table, whither the Light of our one Candle shined but very faintly.  
For the Conveniency of our Horses, I should have told you before, the Hogs were made Close-Prisoners, being crowded together into a little Hole that used to serve for a Dog-Kennel. These things appeared a little odd, as very unusual to us; but where there is no better to be had, it is Prudence to rest contented. And now Supper being taken up, and set on the Table, we were invited in; and what should we find, but every one a Wooden Bowl or Dish, with a Spoon in it of the same Metal, full of Ola Podrida, a kind of Pottage made of several sorts of Herbs, and a little Minced Meat to savour it, that our Landlord himself, without the help of an Herbal, could never have found 'em out, at least, by their Names. My Lord, who was not used to such Diet, and had ordered us strictly to conceal his Quality, lest, as is usual, there should be any Treachery in the People of the House, who suspecting, by that means, he had great Riches about him, might give Notice to some Gangs abroad, ordered us all to sit down, rather to please my Host and Hostess, than any Stomach he had to this First and Last Course; for, upon Enquiry, we found there was no Second: nor had they now had such Sumptuous Diet (as they termed it,) but that their Daughter's Sweetheart had made a Promise to come with divers Friends, and in the Morning to Marry her; but had just then sent Word, and could not perform his Promise.  
We, however, having keen Appetites, eat a little; partly to still the groveling of our empty Guts, and partly in Complacency. As for Drink, there was not any but Adam's Ale, Whey, and about two Gallons of Milk, in all the Hamlet: with the first and the latter mixed together we made our Beverage; our Host, his Spouse, and Daughter, fed lustily, and caroused Fair-Water as savourly as if it had been the best Hock, or Langoon Such is the Advantage of Use to Mankind, that being accustomed to a Diet, it suffices Nature, and become; pleasant. The Wooden Utensils, and the other Table-Materials, being removed, the Damsel, who was well-complexioned, well-featured, and of a Middle Stature, taking the Sign from her Old Dad, sung very sweetly, and had in it much Skill and Judgement: With which, I perceived, my Lord was better pleased, than with his Commons: I could perceive them talk with the Language of her Eyes, and took an Opportunity to whisper something into her Ear: At which she seemed rather rejoiced, than displeased; and I have since been informed, That People, in those Parts, keeping such Houses on the Road, are glad if they can Oblige a Noble Guest, to make him Liberal; even their Wives, if tolerably Handsome and Young, or otherwise, their Daughters, will creep to Bed to them, with the least Hint, it will not displease them; and I am not mistaken, if, I say, my Lord, to make the Night pass the pleasanter in so hard a Lodging, did not Tap the Vessel her expected Bridegroom was to have Broached the next Morning; for I heard bare Feet come patting up Stairs when he was a Bed But lest I prove too tedious, Bedtime being come, a greater Bustle was made; for the House afforded but Three, and those very scurvy ones, and we were Ten, besides the Family. My Lord, we knew, expected to have one to himself, and another kind of a Bed-fellow (as I before hinted) than any of us. The Host, his Wife and Daughter, for our better Accommodation, generously offered, the  being warm, to take up their Night's Quarters on a heap of Rushes; and after a while, another Bed was procured abroad for three of our Companions; and so we hasted to our several Cabins: That to which I, and two of my Companions, were destined, was the most exalted, being one degree advanced above the Garret, or a Cavity between the Ridges and the Rasters, the general Randezvous of Rats and Weasels; to ascend to which, we went up a Ladder but of a very few Steps; then popped through a Trap door, like a Play house Devil from under the Stage, it being a curious Inner-Room, and no Partition but the Pan-tiles between us and Heaven; and it had been better for me, that I had been a Rope-Dancer, as it fell out in the Morning. That Night, indeed, our Hostess leading us, we kept our Feet regular on the Rafters, till we came where our Bed lay upon a heap of Brushwood, in lieu of a Bedstead; and then leaving us a bit of Candle as long as her Nose, with great care and caution we should not be wasteful, but extinguish it as soon as we were piged in, she dropped us a Curtsy, and bolted down again as if a Ghost had vanished into the nether Shades; and now we had leisure to take a further View: When, upon Examination, we found the Ticking of our Bed to be an old Woolsack, stuffed with Rags, and the Combing of Hemp, Thistle-Down, Hogs-Hair, and suchlike sort of Materials; our Rug being made of Lists, Shreds, and patched in divers places, consisted of as many various Colours as a Herald's Coat, and challenged any Woollen-drapers' Shop, for variety, to match them: Blankets we had none; but our Sheets were pretty cleanly; yet being made of Cloth a Groat a yard, were as soft as Hogs-Skins: Our Bolster, indeed, was stuffed with Wing and Tail-Feathers, that in Moulting-time, I suppose, had been picked up on the Heaths and Commons.  
Seeing this corpse Entertainment, we deliberated a while, whether we had best unstrip, or not; but the Wether being exceeding Hot, we, at last, threw off our , and in we jumped. We had not lain long, but whole Battalions of Fleas, and flying Squadrons of Gnats, as hungry as Cannibals, invaded us, to feed on the Plenty which Providence had sent them. All our Hands were instantly at work; but we could not defend our Buttocks from the one, nor our Faces from the other of these Bloodthirsty Enemies: they bitten, and we clawed; I grumbled, and my Companions swore. Nor were Rats, Mice and Weasels wanting; for ever and anon they run cross us, squeaking and fight; so that if we had leaped out of Bed to avoid the smaller Bloodsuckers, we must unavoidably have taken a Dance in the Rat's Morris, and hazarded more dangerous Bitings. About Two in the Morning, when we began to slumber a little, the feasted Vermin giving us some respite for the Blood they exhausted, we were all on a sudden strangely alarmed by an harmonious Consort of Music in the Ceiling of our Bedchamber, (for there, it seems, the neighbouring Cats kept their Nocturnal Revels,) which continued in divers Strains for about two Hours, and then they filled off from their Copulation Recreation, to their Mouse-catching Occupation.  
Thus we lay surrounded with all these Plagues, and under a necessity of enduring them till the long wished-for Dawning came to relieve us from the hot Service we were engaged in; for our little Enemies, by this time, having digested their first Banquet, came crowding again for a second; so that before we could lift up our Hand to disengage our Faces of the Gnats, or Muschatas, we had fifty Fleas apiece nibbling at our Arses.  
At last, the welcome Light shined through the Crannies of the shattered Walls; which we beheld with as much Joy, as one sifted from the long durance of Shackles in a dark Dungeon; or a stolen Maid, who has drawn in a lusty young Fellow to go to Church with her in earnest. Glad of this Deliverance, out we jumped, as mottely as one of our Country Spaniels; or a young Lady newly come Abroad to Air herself, after the Smallpox. But now another Mischief befell me, for reeling too far before I could recover, missing the Joyces, treading on the Laths, down I dropped on my Lord's Head, who lay in the Room underneath, and could perceive a Thing in White vanish out of his Chamber, as I was falling; for the Crack, and Dropping of the Ceiling, had given so much Notice, that I found none in bed with him, yet never disputed but he was better pleased with his Night's Lodging than we had been.  
At first he started, and seemed somewhat surprised; but seeing it was I, and that I was piteously scratched with the snags of the Laths, upon my Excuse, after having chid me for taking no better heed, he ordered me immediately to dress myself, and call up those Servants that lay in the Lower-Room, and summon them in the neighbouring House. I punctually obeyed his Orders, as being the hastier to get to some good Town where we might refresh ourselves. He wondered to see us so speckled; but looking in his Pocket-Glass, he found he had not altogether escaped the hoping Legion.  
We stayed not for Breakfast, but liberally rewarding our Host with Two Pieces of Eight, our Hostess with one, and the pretty Daughter with another, an Estate in their Pockets, we mounted, and took the Road we before intended.  

Thus I first Hardship felt, but not the last;  
New Woes succeed, to plague me for Tricks past:  
Fate, at next stroke, strikes me from Fortune's Wheel;  
But ne'er alone will I her Fury feel:  
Since she will me a desperate Gamester make,  
I'll play at all, but that I'll win some Stake:  
To spite her, I her favourites will out-wit,  
And push them in, who dragged me to the Pit.    

CHAP. VI  
How, in their Way to Naples, they were Setupon by divers Thiefs, or Banditti, who came out of a Wood upon them; and the brave Resistance they made. How his Horse being killed, he fled into the Wood, and was there rifled and made Prisoner by them; his Lord, and all his Companions, that were not killed, besides himself, charging through, and escaping.  
WE had not rid above a League, but being on a rising-Ground, we had a Prospect of a Country that appeared to be more fair than any we had yet seen since our passing the Alps: And seeing a considerable Town, called— about Two Leagues, or thereabouts, farther, we concluded we should meet with better Refreshment than we had the foregoing Night, or the present Morning▪ And thus flattering ourselves with a good Dinner, we road on, till descending the Hill, we came into a Hollow-Way, the one side being enclosed with a craggy shattered Hill, and the other with a large Wood, rising considerably higher than the Road; we were not far entered into it, but we heard a Pistol go off behind us, and immediately another before us; when not well knowing what to make on't, we all provided against the worst: Which, indeed, was bad enough; for we had no sooner turned a blind of Trees, but we espied five or six Horsemen, not a Bow-shot off, spreading cross the Way; and others coming out of the Wood, at some distance beyond them. This gave Suspicion, that they would not prove Friends; but my Lord being a Man of great Courage, and his eight Followers of a Daring little inferior to his, he resolved to press on, and venture the Brunt, if it came to the Extremity, rather than shun a Danger where, perhaps, there might be none, by cowardly Flight. Coming nearer, and seeing they gave not way, but stood to stop the Passage, he rid up with his Sword drawn, hanging by a Chain on his Wrist, and his Pistol cocked, and bore it on the Pummel of his Saddle, with the Muzzle mounted, having ordered his Men to halt, demanded what they were, and why they stopped up the Way?  
They answered him somewhat roughly, We are the Banditti, Servants to Mompazon, Chief Lord of the Road; and if you and your Companions have any regard for your Lives, it is your wisest way, to deliver all the Treasure you have about you, as a Tribute to our Master, for trespassing on his Ground. My Lord smiled at this, thinking, or, at least, dissembled he thought so, that they were only in Jest; and told them, He believed they were Gentlemen only upon a Frolic, and if they would accompany him to the next Town, they should be entertained with the Best the Place would afford. To this they replied surlily, They must convince him by stronger Arguments, if he persisted not to deliver his Treasure; and so having made ready, bore up to seize his Horse's Bridle. Upon which, perceiving they were in Earnest, he fired, and shot the foremost through the Head, so that down he dropped in an eternal slumber; the next he missed, but killed his Horse under him: Then we hasted to his Assistance, and fired so thick (I being as active at that Sport as the rest, though I kept sideling on) that we were, in a manner, circled in Clouds of Smoke; and made such havoc of our Enemy, though twice our number, that they gave ground; and we pressing hotly on, were trained into an Ambush; for immediately a greater number appeared at our Backs, who firing their Carbines at a distance, killed my Horse; whereupon being dismounted, I crept into the Wood: My Lord, I perceived, seeing himself in this straight, with much Resolution and Bravery Charged through those that first encountered him; in which Action I see two of his Retinue drop, but with the rest (Parthians like, firing behind them as they fled) got safe to the next Town, where the Pursuit ended, it being, as I afterwards heard, a strong Place, where a Spanish Troop of Guards lay; who, notwithstanding my Lord's Entreaty, more particularly for the recovery of me, whom he supposed they had taken Prisoner, and considerable Proffers, would not venture after them; saying, They knew they always went in strong Parties, and not being certain of their Number, might be cut off by their Ambuscades in the Woods, or Hollows of the Rocks. My Lord (as I heard at my return to France) was greatly grieved, to be thus unluckily deprived of me; but perceiving I entered the Wood, and supposing how barbarous soever they were, they would not kill me in cool blood, he comforted himself, that one day or other he might recover me, for Money, or by Accident: But I never had the happiness to see him more.  
The Pursuit over, some of them came back to the Place of Skirmish, to carry off their Companions; when two or three scouting into the Bushes and Shrubs, to see if we had thrown any any of our Treasure there, though I lay as snug in a Thicket as could be, till I thought all might be blown over, one of them, ne'ercheless, 'spied my Heels; for I like a foolish Bastard, supposing all was hid, because my Head was) found I was seized by a strong Hand, and dragged out. Being thus took napping, I thought it the best way to fall on my Knees, and beg Mercy. At first, they threatened me with many bloody Oaths, and direful Imprecations, setting their Swords to my Breast, swearing they would kill me, unless I would discover how many more of our Company was absconded? or what Treasure we had hid there, before they came up with us? But when I pulled out all the Gold and Silver, except eight Pistoles quilted in my Shirt-Collar, they begun to unwrinkle their Brows; and searching, but finding no more, they gave car to my Protestations, That there was no more of our Company in the Wood, but myself, nor any Treasure besides what I had given them; and so ordering me, on pein of Death, not to make a word of any Money to their Companions, they mounted me behind one of them, and convoyed me to the Main Gang; where the substitute Captain, impower'd with the Command of the Party, by his Chieftain, in this Day's Adventure, seeing me finely clothed, and of a very fair Complexion, and that my Answers to his Demands were above the Ordinary Rank, of my Years, he concluded me to be of Quality; and therefore expecting a large Ransom, sent me Prisoner, under the Conduct of Two of his Gang; tho' I protested I was but a poor Servant, and falling on my Knees, with Tears in my Eyes, begged he would give me liberty, that I, if possible, might follow and find out my Master:  

But Fate denied me, till I found a way  
For my Escape, far greater Pranks to play.    

CHAP. VII.  
How he was carried Prisoner to the monstrous Cave where these Thiefs had their Residence, cut out of a Rock in a Woody Mountain. The Description he gives of it, and what he observed there. Of the unmerciful Usage he at first suffered among them. Their Oath, or Articles of Combination; and manner of living.  
MY  Italian Conductors immediately posted away with me I knew not whither, passing through Woods, winding Lanes, and divers buy Passages, till we came to a Woody Mountain a great way from the Place where they took me up: But I, as narrowly as I could, observed every Turning, and all the Remarkable Things in our Journey, hoping, one time or other, they would turn to my advantage, in furthering my Escape, if I was not fallen into the Hands of Cannibals, who would roast me like a barthol'mew-Pig, and devour me as a Dainty they had not lately lighted on. Well (to be brief) coming to this Mountain, Perriwiged with overgrown Trees, after we had ascended about Half a Furlong, with little or no great difficulty, except the various Wind, upon the removal of some Bushes, as I thought, appearing then very green and pleasant, as if they naturally grew: And turning of a Key, the Entrance of a Cave appeared, so wide, that in we went, Horse and Men: The Door, on which they were, duly artificially fastened, to renew the decayed ones, and prevent Discovery, turning upon Hinges fixed in the Rock, clapped after us; but so softly, that it could not be heard twenty Paces. Into this Place came Light many ways, through Bushes and Shrubs that grew over it, though very much like that we call a Twilight, in a grey Morning: yet I could see, when we dismounted, several Stables very regular; and in them, a great many very curious Horses, well stored with Provender. They having ranked their Steads among the rest, one of them led me beyond these subterranean Stables, where a more comfortable Light appeared: when ascending a few Steps, cut out by Art in the Rock, as I suppose the Cave had been, we came into a kind of stately House; which made me conclude, by what I saw there, if the History I had read of Knight-Errantry, were not Aesop's Fables, I was got into an Enchanted Castle; for there I beheld a great deal of Arms and Armour (this being much lighter than the Stables,) as also rich Apparel hanging upon Pins in the Wall; and divers Enchanted Knights, as I took them to be, sleeping upon Rushmats and Couches.  
I had a great Desire to be ask Questions; but being in the Hands of an Enemy, I knew not how they might be taken, and therefore remained silent, till I should understand their Humours better. Passing this kind of a Hall, I came into their Kitchen, (for so I took it to be, seeing the She Cook's hard sweeting at the Fire, preparing Provision, both Boiled and Roast, against the coming Home of her Masters.)  
Hopes of some Victuals, a little comforted me; for now I had been a great while without any thing to the purpose, being, as some say (if it may not be taken for a Bull) Full of Emptiness: but I grew melancholy, when I was delivered into the Hands of this strapping Female, with Command, That she should lock me up in a close Room, till the Captain's Orders were further known▪ My Entreaty signified no more than a Penniless Wretch's to a Sergeant; for in I was pushed, and the Key turned upon me. I found the Place wherein I was enclosed to be very dark and lonesom, and fancied with myself, that like Ulysses, I was now got into the Polephems Cave; and so strongly, through Fear and Surprise, my Imagination worked, that Fear made me doubt, whether their Spits and Cauldrons were not loaded and stuffed with Humane Flesh; for though my Eyes, in part, gave Evidence to the contrary, yet I found some difficulty to credit 'em: and what more heightened my Suspicion, I heard, as I conjectured, piteous Sighs and Groans in a distant Apartment, as of a miserable Person in great Distress; which cast me into such a Fit of a Trembling, that my Knees knocked together like the rattling Branches of a naked Tree, when beaten against each other by fierce March Winds. And in this plight I continued, groping up and down for some Hours, when I heard without, a very great Trampling, and many Sounds of Humane Voices; and soon after, a Key turned in the Door, and I was ordered by my Female Jailor to advance, for the Great Captain. Mompazon, was arrived, and desired to see him.  
Upon this, I recollected, as well as Fear would give me leave, my dejected Spirits; and coming into the Hall, I found him sitting at the Table, in State: His Grim Countenance, Swarthy Complexion, and huge Long Whiskers, represented him so terrible to me, that I concluded him no other than a second Cerberus, the fabled Porter to Pluto, King of the Infernal Regions: His Voice, when he asked me divers Questions, who I was? who were my Companions? and whence we came? sounded like a Speaking-Trumpet, or the Roaring of a Lion: His Sword, that lay on the Table before him, was at least Four Inches Broad, and Four Foot Long. To what he asked me, I answered him as well as my abrupt Stammerings, occasioned by Fear, would give me leave. But not satisfied, but that I was of Quality, he ordered me to the Poultry, to extort from me what he thought I concealed; then had I a Cord fastened about my Thumbs, and great Weights fastened at my Heels; and in this manner being drawn up, I hung so long, that I thought my Legs and Arms would have parted from my Body: then, in that Posture, was I ordered, by reason of my tender Age, to have my Buttocks exercised with six Strings of knotted Whipcord at the End of a Stick, which, I was afterwards informed, others used to have on their Backs with Wyer, and afterwards rubbed over with Gunpowder. But as merciful as they were to me, by omitting the two latter, I conceited, all my Old Schoolmaster had given me, was but a Flea-biting to this; and thought that his departed Ghost, in Revenge, had instilled this barbarous Cruelty into their Minds, to revenge, in some measure, the Injuries I had done him; or that the Priest's Curses had reached me: But my piteous Cries and Entreaties, at length, made the Barbarians relent: And being taken down, unable to stand, lest I should die of my Usage, I was put to Bed, where my Breech stuck to my Shirt and the Sheets like Bird-lime; and only that Evening I had a little warm Broth given me, and a Glass of Wine, of which their Cave was well stored, taken from Merchants, as Free-Plunder upon the Road.  
As I lay in Bed, I heard the grim Captain say, Come, Punish him no more, lest he die, and we lose our expected Ransom; but speaking to their Female Attendant, commanded her to give me the liberty of the Kitchen and Hall, but no farther, and see what she could wheedle out of me by fair Means, and good Usage. Having feasted and drunk plentifully, they laid them down to sleep; till just before Day, upon the tinkling of a little Bell, they got up, and went to their old Trade, with all their Strength, as having Notice the Evening before, by one of their Scouts, That a Rich Convoy was to come from Naples, in order to pass for Rome. Leaving only their Female Housekeeper, two Grooms, and a Porter of the Gate at home, she came to my Bedside, and seeming greatly to pity the Severity I had undergone, brought with her a Flask of Florence Wine; which was more welcome than her Presence: having drank a Glass, or two, and revived me a little, she helped me to rise, and set a Gold Chicken before me, for my Breakfast, bidding me be of Good-chear; for though she believed I would be kept Prisoner there all my Life-time, for aught she knew, if Money was not sent for my Ransom, yet she assured me, my Punishment, as to any thing to be corporally inflicted on me, was past. At this I appeared wonderfully dejected, and entreated her to become an humble Intercessor for me, that I might be dismissed, seeing I being of poor Parentage, and only a Servant in that Company where they found me, could never expect any Ransom; my Father, for something I had spoke that displeased him, having utterly renounced me, and would rather, if he knew it, rejoice in my Misery, than in my Release. She told me, she durst not move any thing that way in my Behalf, and therefore bid me be content with my Condition, and leave the rest to Time; and so leaving me pensive and sad, went about her Household Affairs. In the mean while, having satiated my craving Stomach with the best Morsel Italy had afforded me since my coming into it, which I wished I never had seen, Curiosity led me to take a stricter View of the Place, and meditate on my Escape.  
Having cast my on divers Things, at last I fixed them on the Orders of this wicked Crew, hung up on a Pillar, Sworn to, and Subscribed with their Names; which denoted no less than One hundred and Twenty in the Combination, and for Curiosity-sake, I wrote them down: Viz.  

I. I A. B. Swear by the Head and Soul of our Captain, to be Odient to all his Commands.  
II. To be Faithful to my Companions in all their Designs and Attempts.  
III. To be always present at such Meetings as the Captain shall appoint, here, or in any other Place, except his leave to the contrary.  
iv To be ready at all hour, by Day and by Night, upon Call or Notice.  
V. Never to desert my Companions in any Danger, or otherwise, to the last Breath.  
VI Never to fly from an equal number of Opposers, but rather die, courageously fight on the Place.  
VII. To Help one another, whether Taken, Imprisoned, in Sickness, or any other Distress.  
VIII. Never to leave, if possible I can bring it off, any of my Companions Bodies, wounded or dead, behind me, to fall into the Enemy's Hands.  
IX. To Confess nothing, if Taken; or ever to Discover the Abodes and Residence of my Accomplices, though put to Racks, Tortures, or Death itself. And this Oath when I Break in the least Tittle, may Power and Damnation be here and hereafter my Plague and Punishment.   

Thus Vice does oft a Combination find,  
Stricter than the now in fashion, Virtue, binds:  
My Projects though to 'scape this Crew, must deep  
Be laid; my Wits must not be now asleep:  
This kind of Living, nothing suits my Vein;  
I must be freed, and Rambling once again.    

CHAP. VIII.  
How he meditates his Escape and Revenge: Finds there a Beautiful Captive: And hears the Woman that Dressed the Thiefs Victuals, and look'd-after their Den, relate the Comical History of her Life, and Manner of coming thither. How he wonderfully escaped; and causing the Destruction of this Nest of Thiefs, released the sorrowful Lady.  
THrough Fear of Danger, and Desire once more to see my Native Country, my Mind run extremely on Projects, how I might Out-wit these Bloodsucking, Crafty Vermine, and bring a Mischief on their Heads, as such Spoilers deserve, whose Hands are against all Persons; and the Hands of all Men, for the General Safety, aught to be against them. These, at this time, were my Thoughts; though, indeed, I have since, in some measure, Outdone the most Expert of them. Having cast many things in my Mind, I was frequently at a loss; but at last, resolved to see what I could do with our bouncing Female: And instead of her Wheedling me, I concluded to summon all my Ingenuity to Outdo her. But how, handsomely, to break the Ice (as the Countryman calls it) and start what might be most Taking, was the main Matter: Sometimes I fancied to tell her what great Matters I would procure her, if she would further my Escape, and go along with me into my Country: But that was dashed again, when I considered, her main Discourse tended to that, by the Captain's Order; and that it would, if she should be false to me, improve my Punishment, or prolong my Imprisonment. Whilst I was thus musing about what I should do, she having made an end of her Work, came to me, leading a very Fair, but Dejected fellow-Prisoner in her Hand, on whose Beauty Sorrow had implanted Paleness, and her Cheeks seemed furrowed with the often trickling of Tears. After a Sigh or two, she sat down by me: And our Two-handed Housekeeper, to divert the Melancholy she perceived had seized us, proposed to give us a brief Narration of her Pranks, and how she came to this Place, Trust, and Office. Which seeing us attentive to listen to, she began in this manner:  
IT matters not (said she) to tell you where I was born, it being too great a Difficulty for me to do, seeing my Parents were Wand'ring Strolers, and carried me at their Backs through so many Countries, before I came to Understanding, that themselves could never give me any direct Account of it; only thus far, That the Chamber where my Mother Pigged me, was a Gravel-Pit; her Bed, a few Rushes on the Ground; Curtains, Pebble-Stones; and Tester, the Skies: And at Twelve Years of Age I had the wide World to shift in; my Parents taking their leave of me, after some little swinging on Cross-Timber, for Breaking-open and Robbing a House, and Murdering most of the Family.  
The Terror of this Disaster, and my Aversion to the kind of Living wherein they had hitherto dragged me up, made me consider how, by some genteeler way, I might advance my Youth, and that little Beauty that Nature had furnished me withal. Seeing others Fine, I emulated their Bravery, being homely Clad myself, and much affected Gaudy Apparel, yet was a great Hater of Labour and Painstaking; and hearing what a Brave Place Naples was, and the Gallantry of those People that lived there, I resolved to trudge thither, in hopes of mending my Condition, and bettering my Fortunes: And so setting out, without any further Deliberation, and almost at every other step struck Fire on the Flint-paved Causeways; an Emblem of what Fireworks I should make before my Return.  
Coming into this stately City, the most spacious in all Italy, except Rome and Venice, I wandered up and down, begging from Door to Door, for several Days; till an Old Woman who kept an Ordinary, seeing me a likely Girl, and she then wanting a Scullion Drudge, entertained me as her Servant. But this kind of Work not suiting my Humour, I stayed no longer than I could make a Booty; and then packing up my Awls, gave her the Go-by. I found, by our Trade, she had Money, though, for fear of losing it, she always complained of Poverty; but where it was nested, and how to find and take these White and Yellow Birds, I was at a loss; till one day, musing on the Matter, I resolved to fire the Callico-hanging in her Chamber, as done by Accident of a Candle placed too near them, when I light her to Bed. This I effected; and she thereupon, the first thing she did, leaving me labouring to extinguish the Flame, which I easily subdued, was running into a little dark Closet, and lifting up a Board, so artificially placed, as if it had been as firmly nailed down as the rest, took out something, on which, no doubt, her Heart was most Intent; and that, I concluded must be her Treasure.  
I had soon put out the Fire; and running to her, said, Pray, Seniora (or Mistress) done't be frighted; the Danger is over. But instead of Thanking me, though I looked, with Smoke and Soot, like a Brimstone-Devil, recollecting her Amazement and Affright, Anger took place; so that falling on me with great fury, she cufft and kicked me well-favour'dly for my Carelessness (as she termed it.) I bore it patiently, however, as knowing now I had not long to stay with her; for the next day, when the House was full of People, and all in a Hurry, I stole her Bunch of Keys out of the Bar, sneaked up Stairs, unhoarded the long imprisoned Cash, and so rubb'd-off, without any ceremonious Compliment at parting: For the loss of which (as I was afterwards informed) she fell Distracted, and took up her Quarters in the College of the Bethlemites.  
Having got what I longed for, and taken on content, I trudged on all that Day, and all the Night following, through all the Cross-Ways I could find, for fear of a Pursuit: but when the next Morning-Sun gilded the Mountain-tops with its cheerful Beams, I found myself weary and faint, through long Travel, and want of Food; when striking about a Furlong into a large Wood, I took the boldness (after having a little satisfied my craving Stomach with Kernels, Meddlers, and other wild Fruit growing there, and a Promise of better Fare) to open my Pouch, and found Coin, the Richest of both sorts, amounting in all to Forty Ducats; a greater Sum, perhaps, than many of my Ancestors had seen of their own, in the whole progress of their Lives. This exceedingly lightened my Heart, till Father and Mother's Catastrophe bolting into my Thoughts, caused in me some Alloy; and put it into my Head, that I was not yet arrived at a place of Safety: so tucking up my Treasure in an old ragged Petticoat, I again took the Road, begging and taking up my Night's Quarters in Woods and Barns, for fear my Changing of Money in those Parts, should breed Suspicion, and cause my being stayed; till I came into the Suburbs of the City of Florence, and there I concluded I was pretty safe. This City gives Name to the Province or Dukedom of Florence, and is a very fair one, seated near the River Arne and Chian, beautified with many stately Edifices; the Duke being accounted the Richest and Chiefest Merchant in Italy, usually called the Great Duke of Tuscany. Here I bought me a convenient neat Garment; and going into the Fields, stripped me of my corpse Apparel, almost degenerated into Rags, and buried them in a Lime-Pit, that they should never rise up to accuse me, by any Description that might be given concerning them. This done, and being a little smugged up, I came back again, and bought other Necessaries I wanted; and about the Sun's declining, I took me a Lodging, pretending many sham-Occasions of my coming thither, as, That I had a Brother returned thither, on board the Galleys that had been cruising in the Mediterranean, etc. But at last, finding my Landlady an honest, free, open-hearted Old Woman, but withal very poor, after having taken a View of that spacious and pleasant City, taking its Name from the curious Gardens of Flowers that almost every where encompass it, I told her, I was so mainly taken with its Situation, and Healthful Air, that I would, if I could meet with a convenient Service, settle there; and if she would use her Endeavour to that purpose, I would, out of the little Money I had, give her a Gratuity; and better it, when more able. She promised me, her Diligence should not be wanting to serve me: When, to encourage her, I sent for a good Supper, and a Can of Wine; and so we spent the Evening in Telling of Old Stories. In the Morning, she went upon the Hunt; and returning about noon, told me, she had been successful; for that a rich Merchant's Maid died the Day before, and they were destitute of another. After Dinner, I went to this Place; and though but young in Years, was very well Approved of; my Face, and the little Replies I made happening to be very Taking with my Master and Mistress; but more (as I perceived by his Smiles and Leering) with a Young Spark that stood at their Elbow; with whom I afterwards was better acquainted, though he had better never have seen me, as in the Sequel will appear. To be brief then, I was Hired, and admitted one of the Domestics.   

CHAP. IX.  
She continues her Story; How being in the Service of a Rich Merchant of Florence, the Cashkeeper fell in Love with her, promised her Marriage, and made her Rich Presents. How she discovered her Master's Intrigues with his Part'ner's Wife. And how her Sweetheart, mistaking her Bed, stumbled into that of her Mistress; and of the Adventure that befell him there, and how she resented so great an Affront put upon her.  
BEing initiated one of the Family, I was, no doubt, in a happy Station, if I could have seen when I was well. At first I lived very comfortably, making it my business to please and wind myself into the good Opinion of All, soon perfectly understanding the Ways of the House, and in a Year's-time became Head Maid, or rather Housekeeper: At what time, another Merchant, somewhat in Years, who had married a Beautiful Young Lady, became partner with my Master; and and brought his Family, which was but small, to our Habitation: By which means my Vails and Wages much increased; and with them, likewise my Pride. So that affecting gaiety, I laid out lavishly, till at last I appeared so Lovely in the Cashier's Eyes, viz. the Young Spark beforementioned, that he took all convenient Opportunities to do me Favours. I dissembled my taking Notice of them, till at length, by my amorous Leers, Winks, Smiles, and other Gestures, I had drawn him in over Head and Ears in Love with me; thinking no Treats nor Presents within his Power, that I could reasonably demand, too much for me. So having noosed the Woodcock with the Snares of my Glances, I resolved to make the best Market of him. He sued earnestly for a Night's Endearment in my Charming and Ravishing Arms and Embraces (as he was pleased to style 'em.) But tho' I gave him no absolute Denial, I found Excuses and Delays, when I perceived him most pressing towards, and languishing for Enjoyment, till I had made him pay as costly for it, as if he had Intreagued with a Duchess  
I soon brought him to this, when he perceived other Arguments were in vain: Rings, and Jewels, and what he thought most tempting, he procured me: And for those precious Presents, thought himself over-recompensed with a few Smiles, and my kind Acceptance. At this Distance I held him a considerable Time, till hearing a Rich Uncle of his died, and left him a good Estate, and then I thought it my time to close with him, and hamper the Woodcock in a Matrimonial Springe. I took my time to propose it to him, when the warm Touches of my Naked Breasts, and warmer Kisses, had heightened and inspired beyond an ordinary Transport; strengthening my Allegations with Modesty and Blushes, making him believe I was Worthily descended, though Misfortune had thrown my Family from the Precipice of a great Estate, into the low Valley of Meanness and Poverty. To this Proposal I found him but Gold in his Replies; which made me fling out of his Arms in a great Pet, and vow ne'er to entertain any good Thoughts of him more, seeing his Passion tended only to base and sinister Ends. He not being able to part with me, pulled me back again; and on his Knees begging my Pardon, protested to yield to whatever I desired, and submit himself, in a blind Obedience, to what I should direct, without any Scruple or Reluctancy. I then proposed the Day of Marriage; but he seemed so-impatient of Enjoying me, that upon his swearing to keep the Day prefixed punctually, for the joining our Hands, I promised a Surrender of the Treasure he languished for, that very Night, and set the Hour for more privacy, when he should steal into my Arms, when in Bed. At which, giving me an hundred endearing Kisses, he seemed so ravished and transported, he know not how to express sufficient Thanks for my obliging Condescension.  
At the time of this Assignation, my Master's partner, Signior Elnorea, was gone a Journey, and had left his Beautiful Young Wife to the Care of Almanda, my Master, whose Fidelity he no ways mistrusted: But, on the contrary, his Fair Charge had so overcome and captivated him, that he sought all manner of ways to enjoy her. She repulsed the first Assaults with many Reasons, why she ought not to consent; but at the second, or more furious than the former, coming to a Capitulation, she promised, between a kind of willing and unwillingness, to surrender up, that Night, the Fort of her Chastity, if he could handsomely give his Wife the slip, and convey himself into her Chamber, without any Suspicion tending to a Discovery; for she was, it seems, more careful of her Honour, than her Virtue. This double Appointment made, the Hours seemed tedious; and we fancied the Sun had wandered out of its wont Road, and gone the farthest way about to the Western Ocean. At last Night came, and Supper being on the Table, I and my Spark gave our Attendance; but scarce could I contain, with holding my Sides, and biting my Tongue, from bursting into Laughter, when I see him stand like the Picture of the Man in the Moon, either gazing on me, or wandering he knew not whither, his Wits, no doubt, being in the Eclipctic, and his Imagination bend on the sweet Contemplation of those charming Delights and Pleasures he suddenly expected to find in my sweet and delicious Embraces; so that he was no further serviceable in his Attendance, than to make the Company Pastime: for if his Master called for Beer, he brought him a Clean Plate; or his Mistress for a Glass of Wine, he presented it to me; or, to mend the Mistake, to Madam Elnorea: which caused a great deal of pleasant Discourse, what should be the Cause of this so sudden Disorder?  
This, I observed, was not the Disorder of my Spark alone; for my Master, by the strength of Imagination, and partly by those Flames the incomparable Beauty and obliging Promises his Part'ner's Wife had kindled in him, made him ready to dissolve, as Snow against the Heat of the Sun: Fancy moved him to think he was already encircled in her soft Arms; and clung as close in the amorous Folds of Love, as the Ivy to the begirted Oak: sometimes he imagined he heard the Twang of her harmonious Lace-Tags against her Stays, making herself Unready, to be the more ready for the soft Combat; and grew so impatient of Delay, that counterfeiting Drousiness, and early Business in the Morning, all things were taken away, and he hasted to Bed with his Wife the sooner, to lull her asleep, and steal away into Madam Elnorea's Arms. He effected (as I afterward understood) the first, by feigning to fall into a profound sleep, as soon as he was a Bed, thereby preventing the Love-toying wont to pass between them, that he might the sooner receive them with more Satisfaction from another. This Neglect of her Youth and Beauty, made my Mistress shed some Tears, for the slight Regard had to her; but knowing how humoursome and peevish he was, if suddenly ' waked, she considered, it would be more seasonable to expect his Kindness at another time; and so hushing her Cares, settled herself to sleep likewise.  
The cunning Husband was diligent in waiting for that Opportunity; and very carefully stealing out, went as softly to the Chamber of Assignation; to which there was no other way, but by the Apartment where I lay; and being wakeful, in Expectation of my Spark, a Mousetread could not 'scape my hearing his tripping up gingerly one Pair of Stairs above me, fancying it was my Husband-elect, who, blinded with Love, or the Darkness of the Night, had mistaken his Way, and so expected his return, when he had groaped himself into a better Information; but his stay, and the long silence that ensued, made me grow both jealous of a greater Beauty than my own, whom I supposed had tempted him from me, and of being now delayed, when I had fully framed my Mind to a Complacency: But alas, my Love was mistaken in another Place; for about Half an Hour after this disloyal Husband had left the warm Bed of his hitherto constant Bed-fellow, to go a Caterwauling. Mine, who was aged about Twenty, and a brisk, lusty, handsome Fellow, got out of his Bed, having slept against his will; and not knowing how much of the Night had stolen from him, in his slumbering, rubbing his Eyes, between sleeping and waking, groaped the way in the dark to find my Chamber; but instead thereof, entered into that of his Mistress; and encountering with a Bed, doubted not but he was right: whereupon, lifting up the  softly, he laid himself down by her Side; and was not long there,  he began to bustle: which soon waked his Mistress; who supposing it her Husband, embraced him with ardent Affection, crying, in a soft loving Tone, Oh, how Cold you are, my Dear? Come, let me warm thee in my Embraces! And hugging him very close, with many Kisses, and amorous Twine, she told him she was glad what had perplexed her in her sleep, was but a Dream, for that she fancied she had felt for him before, all over the Bed, and and he was no way to be found; intending to tell him how she had dreamed, That at that very juncture, her Man and her Maid, meaning me, were naught together, and just in Love's lawless Conjunction; but glad I am (continued she▪ that it is but a Dream, and that waking▪ I have thee in my Arms.  
These Actions and Expressions not only convinced my Spark he was in an Error, but so startled and surprised him, that he knew not what to think or do; at first he was almost dead with fear, but by degrees recollecting his scattered Spirits, he bethought himself of a Stratagem to protect him from Discovery: All the Passages he had observed between his Master and Partner's Wife came fresh into his Memory, and from all the Circumstances concluded they were in this critical Minute consummating their Loves, and that if he refrained from speaking, he doubted not but she falling a-sleep again, he might steal away, and hasten to my more desired Embraces: But, alas! in this he found himself deceived; for the Fancies in her Dream, and her natural Inclination, had so warmed her Blood, that abandoning for that time the Modesty of her Sex, she grew so impatient of Delays, that he found himself incapable of resisting the Emotions she had raised within him, but suffered himself to be taught by her those Love-Lessons designed him by another School-Mistress. She found him so active and vigorous in his Caresses and Embraces, above what are ususually the Attendants of a Marriagebed, that, together with his continued silence, gave her a suspicion that she was mistaken in her Bedfellow; whilst he, on the other hand, lay sweeting and trembling in a peck of Troubles how to make his Retreat handsomely before his Master's Return: For if he surprised him, he could expect nothing but a bloody Revenge for what he had acted to his Dishonour and Disgrace, through mistake.  
After a Thousand Cogitations and Revolving in his Mind, weighing each Particular in the Balance of his green Understanding, he considered it might be of dangerous Consequence to ask Pardon of the injured Lady for what had passed between them; and again, to steal away when she was asleep, without discovering, would undoubtedly betray the whole Matter by her petulency▪ or some little toying and wanton Discourse that might arise upon the Husband's coming; and who knows but she might too amply acknowledge his Gratitude for his late supposed Work of Supererogation, which might give him a just ground to believe some other had supplied his Place in his absence, and consequently his Man, for no other could be suspected in the Family.  
Apprehensions of Danger from the Discovery of a Secret of this great Importance, put him into such a Confusion, that it was not to be judged which exceeded, the Pleasure he had enjoyed, or the Trouble and Fear he underwent to purchase it. Whilst his Thoughts were engaged in this Perplexity, a lucky one came into his Noddle, which, in all probability, might remedy all, and so after an endearing Kiss or two, thus broke silence:  
Prithee, my Dear, what didst ●…ou mean by that Dream thou told'st ●…en I first came to Bed; the Matter I value not, but 'tis the manner of ●…e Relation that troubles me, beca●… in it thou namest me as thy Servant, which is more like the Language of my Mistress than of my dear Love. I promised to be thy Husband, and will not fail, at the time appointed, to bind the Contract with my Hand, which my Heart has already sealed; and now I have named my Mistress, she, no doubt, poor innocent Lady, lies fast a-sleep, whilst her perfidious Husband is in the height of Enjoyment with his absent Partner's Wife. And here he ended with renewed Kisses; but she started, trembled, and turned away, not able, at present to make any Reply. Never was Alcmene of old so amazed and surprised, when Jupiter had enjoyed her in the Shape of Amphitryo her Husband. The Curtain of the Night indeed hide the Confusion of her Blushes and Disorder, which else had appeared greater than can be reasonably expressed: But seeing there was no Remedy to retrieve so strange an Accident, which had at this time unwittingly broke her Marriage Vow, she comforted herself, in that the F●…lt, if any, was not designed by her, ●…t all the Gild ought to lie on her faithless Husband, who had deserted her Bed for the lawless Pleasures of an other's.  
She was somewhat loath, however, to part with the Company of her Bedfellow, but Reason persuaded her to it for the avoiding Danger. Wherefore taking a Diamond Ring, she clapped it into the Hand of my Spark, saying, in a very low Voice, If you are discreet, hug your good Fortune in silence; otherwise you shall find a Reward to this Surprise and your babbling Folly. Hereupon, without reply, he sneaked away to his own Bed, whilst I lay in vain expecting his coming to mine, mistrusting some such thing, but not knowing where it happened, till he gave me soon after the full Relation, as it is here set down; which Disappointment put me upon Revenge, which fell sure, though slow in Execution: For as the Poet says,  

Woman, when crossed in her desired End  
Of Love, or call it Lust, becomes a Fiend,  
Till her Revenge destroys her dearest Friend.    

CHAP. X.  
She relates how her Master was surprised in Bed with his Partner's Wife, upon his unexpected coming home; and what Stratagems were used by the Wife to deceive the Husband. How she ' frighted her Master in his Return, by siezing him instead of her Lover; with the Discourse that happened between them. How she, by discovering these Intrigues, ruined not only the Cashier, but the whole Family, yet greatly enriched herself; afterwards Marrying. By what means she fell into the Hands of the Thiefs.  
SHe would have ended her Story here at this time, reserving the remainder for a more fit opportunity; but by my Importunity she thus proceeded:  
My Master (said she) having gained a speedy Admittance, we may well imagine employed his time to the end for which that Assignation was made: It is needless, if I had been then their Bolster, to give an Account of every amorous Folly that the Two Lovers were guilty of, which consisted, no doubt, more of Action than Expression; and no wonder, since Kisses barrocade their Speech, we may imagine, that their Lips being tired, they encountered in another manner, somewhat more pleasing. But in the height of these ravishing Enjoyments, and stolen Pleasures, the amorous Lady's Husband unexpectedly came home, and having a Key to the Backdoor went directly to his Chamber, having struck a Light, and carried up with him a Candle. His unexpected knocking at the Door startled our Two Lovers, then more strictly entangled in each others Arms, etc. than Mars was by Vulcan's crafty Net, when entwined in amorous Folds with the Cyprian Goddess. But she being otherwise employed than to come out of a warm Bed, and endanger the catching of Cold, was as mute as a Fish, neither could she in reason make answer to the Disturber of her Joys, till the Business she was about was consummated: But he, impatient of delay, repeating his Strokes on the harmless Door, she found herself constrained to demand who was there, though in Words imperfect as one waked out of a profound Sleep; and too sadly knowing the Voice upon reply, she capitulated with him till she might abscond her Lover, for whom there was no other Refuge but crawling under the Bed: When being secured there, she jumped out, and in great haste ran to the Door, speaking as she was wont, Oh my Soul! Oh my dearest Heart! The most welcome Man to me alive. When in herself she thought, What envious Devil has brought thee hither at this juncture to disturb my early Joys?  
The Husband thus entered, clasped her in his Arms, when the Temptation of her, in a manner, naked Beauties, made him uneasy till he could enjoy them in a closer manner; and immediately throwing her into Bed, fell to making himself unready, that he might be the more ready, as he thought, to pleasure her. But she who had already the Satisfaction of a more vigorous and active Inamoretto, knew how to defend herself against the weak Assaults of an Impotent Husband, as likewise to give her Gallant the better opportunity to escape, said, Hold, hold, (pushing him back with her Hand) my dear Heart prithee let's drink a Glass of Wine for Joy of thy return, I have Half a Dozen Bottles which were lately sent me as a Present, the best you ever tasted; let me entreat you to step down into the Cellar, and fetch up one of them. With all my Heart, (replied he) being overjoyed he might do any piece of Service to oblige her: And re-putting on those Garments he had already divested himself of, he began to search for his Shoes which he had carelessly dropped so, that one of them was tumbled under the Bed; for which he no sooner began to grope, but out she leaped; and whilst her absconded Lover lay in a quivering Condition for fear of a Discovery, and pretending to be angry for his so long standing in the Cold , snatched the Candle out of his Hand, saying, Is it possible, Husband, you should be thus long looking for your Shoe, and not find it: Come, you shall stand no longer on the cold Board's, I'll rather suffer than you. And thereupon searched for it where she knew it was not, to avert the Light; and when he commanded her to go to Bed, unless she meant to be accessary to her own Death, in exposing her tender Body to the nipping Season, running against the Bedstead, as unawares, she let the Candle drop, which by its fall was extinguished; and whilst her dear Husband was groping for it, she gave her Gallant the hint, by softly pulling him by the Foot, that this was his only time to escape. Whereupon, powdered with Dirt and Feathers, out he crept, and sneaked down Stairs like a Dog that had lost his Tail: But not so silently, but I, who lay perdue, supposing him to be my false Spark, bolted out upon him; and siezing the Lappet of his Shirt, he would have cried out, as taking me for some Ghost sent to punish him for his Evils, had not fear of Discovery overruled his other Apprehensions; and indeed I soon made him understand I was not as yet a damned Spirit, by saying in a soft, though angry Tone,  
Oh Sir, have I caught you! Are these the Products of your Oaths and Promises! Can the Current of your so often avowed Love so soon run in another Channel? Base perjured Man! so quickly to relinquish her, over whose Affections your Subtlety has gained so entire a Conquest.  
He thought at first, his Wife had seized him, and began to excuse himself, and beg Pardon in the most humble and beseeching manner; but I continuing to reproach him with Infidelity for his Maiden Obligation, and giving me so unexpected a Disappointment in the height of my Expectations. He upon this, knowing my Voice, and finding what I drove at, dispersed his Fears, and made me believe he had an inkling of our Intriegue, and had left his Bed at so unseasonable a time, when muttering some Threats between his Teeth, he fling from me, whilst I remained in much surprise and confusion, as greatly astonished and confounded at this double Misfortune, but re-collecting soon my fading Spirits, I went to Bed, though I slept but little for Ruminating on what had passed in these unlucky Adventures.  
My Master, it seems, went not directly to his Wife's Bed, but to my Spark's Chamber, where rapping and calling Twice or Thrice at the Door, he put him into dreadful Apprehensions that all was discovered; so that had not the iron Barrs prevented, he had ventured his Neck, by leaping out of his Window, to escape the heavy Revenge he expected to fall on him. However, at last venturing to open the Door, with a Resolution to make an humble Confession and beg Pardon on his Knees, his Resolves were changed, when by the light of the Moon he perceived his Master pale, and shivering like a Midnight-Ghost, all besmeared with Dust and stuck round with Feathers, only desiring he would give him immediately one of his clean Shirts; and hinting to him that he had been upon the Discovery of his Haunts that Night, he left him far more composed and satisfied than before, and so passed to his Wife's Chamber, who was again fallen asleep and dreaming of the pleasant Pastime that had befallen her by so strange an Adventure; yet waking, dissembled at this time the knowledge of his Absence.  
My Disappointment, and the Affront, I conceived with Indignation to be so deluded, made me yet restless, and in the Morning I upbraided my faithless Amorist with many Reproaches. He blushed, but hide nothing from me, only begged my Pardon, since it was by Mistake, and consequently, as it fell out, not to be avoided; but for the future he would be more wary and constant:— But finding, though I allowed him that Freedom he expected very frequently, I watched him so narrowly, that the further Intrigues he had in secret nocturnal and diurnal Correspondences held with my Mistress, 'scaped not my Knowledge; and the Day appointed coming, he shuffling and making further Delays and Demurs about our Marriage, I was resolved at one bold Blow to strike home; and accordingly, having made my Spark flustered one Night, and over-dozed him with Love-Posset, leaving him as fast as a Church, I stepped into his Chamber with the Keys I had taken out of his Pocket, rifled his Trunks, and found the Diamond-Ring, and other known Marks of my Mistress' Favour, which she had bestowed on him for secret Service, and returned unmissed. Next Morning being up early, and appearing Melancholy, and much disturbed, my Master observed it, and pressed me to tell him the Reason. I seemed averse to comply with his Request, which made him the earnester in his Enquiry. After a while, fetching a deep Sighs or two, with some seeming reluctancy, I drew the Ring and other Tokens, that were no Strangers to him, out of my Pocket, and letting fall some Tears, told him, How my Mistress had not only wronged him but me, in too prodigally dispensing her Favours to his Man, who had before promised me Marriage: But since his stolen Enjoyments with my Mistress, he, contrary to his Vows and Promises, had declined it, if not absolutely renounced me. My Master seemed at first difficult to believe this, never having observed any thing but a modest, humble, and virtuous Carriage in his Wife.  
Seeing him pause, and unresolved, I concluded it now time to go thorough with it, and said, Sir, If you will not believe these Visible Marks of the Injury done you, do but feign an Excuse to be Abroad this Morning, and I will deliver the Adulterers into your Hands, as securely taken, as Mars and Venus were in Vulcan 's Wyre-Net, invisibly spread to entrap those lustful Deities. To this he gave very attentive ear, burning all the while with Anger and Fury, his Eyes, as it were, sparkling Fire; yet a little composing his Mind, he thanked me for the Care I had for his Reputation, and promised to be ruled by my Directions, in discovering the Dishonour put upon him: and so going up, and taking a dissembled loving leave of his Wife, feigned Business Abroad till Three in the Afternoon, and should not be at Home till Dinner. She took no great Notice of what he said, but gave him a Kiss, and so they parted. My Master being gone out, as my false Spark supposed, he sneaked up Stairs, and crept into my Mistress' Chamber; where, by his stay, I plainly perceived he was not unwelcome.  
Having them thus in a Trap, I ran to the Place where I knew I should find him, to inform him how it was. With the News, Anger and Revenge added Speed to his Feet; and forcing open the Door, found them in the same Posture he had been with his Part'ner's Wife a little before. Impatient of Delay, he dragged his Man out by the Heels, letting his Head and Buttocks come thump against the Ground, beating and kicking him at a most miserable rate, whilst he lay crying-out sometimes Mercy! and sometimes Murder! His Wife, in the mean time, fearing the Death of her Minion, leaped out of Bed, and taking hold on her Husband, entreated him to forbear; And since (continued she) you have been as guilty as we, in doing the like with Madam Elnorea; for which Dishonour to my Bed, I was resolved to take this Revenge, though, at first, unwittingly; it will be Discretion in you to be secret, lest you not only publish, unadvisedly, your Shame, but ruin your Fortune. Upon this Discovery, he supposed his Wife had been a Witch, standing confounded and amazed in himself, to consider how otherwise such a Secret should come to her Knowledge; and (to be brief) whilst he a little suspended his Fury, my Spark crawled from under his unmerciful Clutches, on all Four; and getting to the Stair-head, made, for haste, but one leap to the bottom, and tumbled Head over Heels down the other, and ran out of Doors, with a Resolution of never returning; and indeed, I heard afterwards, in the Terror and Fright he was in, going on board a Ship just setting sail out of the Port, he was, within Three Leagues of Land, Castaway upon a Rock; and so, at last, all his fiery Love to my Mistress and me, more or less, was quenched in the Ocean.  
Upon his Departure, having the Keys I had taken out of his Pockets, I rifled the Cash, took out Five hundred Florins, besides other Things of Value that had been laid for considerable Sums, and in the Evening hide them in a Wood that stood about Four Furlongs from the City, and so returned undiscovered; when I found, my Master, after her humble Submission, had taken my Mistress, as well as he could digest the Affront, into Favour again. But this Revenge satisfied me not for the loss of my Spark; for whose last Disaster, I could not, on second Thoughts, refrain shedding some Tears; and therefore resolved, the Mischief I had begun, should go further. Nor left I off, till in the same manner my Master had taken his Man with my Mistress, himself was caught by Signior Elnorea in his Wife's Arms; although the injured Husband did not roughly use him at that time, only ranting at a distracted rate, as being too weak to grapple with him, he grew discontented, and took a worse Revenge, by Confessing a Judgement; which turned out my Master and Mistress to shift again in the wide World. The Creditors, upon Notice of what had happened, drawing off the Overplus Effects so hastily, that my Master found it in vain to stand the Brunt; and so slipping what he could conveniently, stood away with his whole Family to the West-Indies: and what became of them there, I am ignorant of; yet heard, That his injured partner, soon after, seeing what he had done, to the loss of his Reputation and Credit in the World, ran distracted, and died in a Raving Fit, exclaiming against his Wife's Disloyalty, as the Cause of all his Misfortune, and the only Cross-wind that had Shipwrecked his Felicity.  
Being thus, as I may say, Disbanded by the Families Going-off in such Disorder and Distraction; yet having Treasure enough to support me till I could find out other Quarters, I took me very sumptuous Lodgings; where I became acquainted with one Flavius Dumain, a Brisk Youngman; whom I so much doted on, that I consented to a Marriage with him, though he was no more than a Blade of Fortune. He, in a little time, spent all my illgotten Wealth; and running much in Debt, we were obliged to bid adieu to Florence; and in our Travels, fell into the Hands of these Thiefs; against whom fight valiantly in my Defence, rather than his own, he was unfortunately slain, and I made a Prisoner. They, at first, used me very roughly, as is their manner to all they take Captive, of which they have now divers in several adjacent Dungeons, in hopes of Ransoms for the Men; or training them up, by a compulsive Consent, in their Gang: And as for the Women, by Threats and fair Means, they strive to bring 'em to a Compliance to their Lusts; which I, by the Service I do them, have hitherto avoided; as also this Fair Lady, to whose Chastity our Captain lays strong Siege, by reason she protests to kill herself, if he violates it.; so that in hopes to bring her to a better Temper of Mind, he has not hitherto used any Force, as knowing a Constrained Enjoyment, in Sullenness and Tears, can yield him but an Imperfect Pleasure. At this, the Fair Stranger held down her Head, and wept. And so our Discourse, at this time, breaking off, by the coming in of a petty Captain, with a considerable Booty taken from Merchants, and other Travellers, we retired to the Inner-Places: the Lady, through Fear and Bashfulness; our Housekeeper, about her Domestick-Affairs, the better to keep up a fair Correspondence with her new Master; and I, to avoid any Suspicion of my Intention of Escape.  

So different Ends did move a different Thought,  
Which my deep Projects to one Centre brought,  
And Trapped the Villains who us first had Caught.    

CHAP. XI.  
He hears the Complaint of the Beautiful Captive in the Thiefs Den; with her Love-story, and how she came thither: Which so moved him to Compassion and Admiration, that he resolves to attempt, by one means or other, to make his Escape, that he might work her Deliverance.  
PErceiving this Fair Stranger sigh, and often let fall Tears, I took the first Opportunity to entreat the Favour of a Relation, who she was, and how she unfortunately came into this miserable Place? At first, Grief stopped the Passage of her Language, that she could make me no Reply: but I more earnestly pressing it, and promising, if Heave● favoured my Designs, to be instrumental in her Delivery from so horrible a Dungeon, and the Danger she was in among such wicked and unmerciful Associates, or rather Tyrants, hourly threatening he● with the loss of her Chastity, if not o● Life; upon this she looked on me with Eyes expressing her inward Languishment and Sorrow; then taking me by the Hand, and often whispering me to sit down by her, on a Bench of Earth, covered with dry Turf, letting fall some Tears, she said, Ah, Stranger! may I trust thee with the Secrets of my Grief? Is there any Fidelity to be found in such a Place of Horror, where I see myself surrounded with nothing but my mortal Enemies? Can I believe thou wouldst lock up my Woes in silence, and any way befriend me, I would most willingly do it. These Expressions concluding with a Sigh, I perceived she took me to be one of the Gang. But I presently undeceived her, by declaring how I fell into their Hands, and how earnestly I desired to be rid of their Company. This made her a little clear-up, and the Clouds of Sorrow that eclipsed her Beauty, began to pass away, and leave the Heaven of her lovely Face in a kind of Serenity; when making me swear to Secrecy, she thus began:  
I am called (said she) Lucindar, a Native of Pavia, though now my Father, a rich Merchant, lives at Naples, on the Point of the Port; his Name Paulus Urbinus, of no mean Family in this Country, when I was Fourteen Years of Age, going to be a Spectator of some Justs, and other Pastimes ordained in Honour and for the Entertainment of our Viceroy on his Wedding-Day, being married to the Beautiful Alfrida Mendoza, Daughter to the Great Duke of Tuscany, I cast my Eyes, among the rest, on one of the Youths that maintained those Justs, whose Courage and Bravery surpassed all the rest, overthrowing all that came before him, Horse and Man tumbling and rolling on the Ground together confusedly wherever he directed his Lance, so that the Shouts and Applause of the Field were all on his Side, till at last none durst any more encounter him. Upon which, he retired out of the Lists, to the side of the Stage, where myself, and a great many Ladies of Quality, were seated, as Spectators; and taking off his Silver Helmet, flowing with a Plume of White Feathers, he, in a courteous manner, bowed himself to the Bow of his Saddle. I no sooner beheld his lovely Face, and he, as I perceived, had accidentally singled me out, and fixed his Eyes on mine, but we gazed one at another, without either of us being able, for a good while, to observe any other Objects: I must confess, with Blushes, that I was so smitten at that first Sight, that I am ashamed of my Weakness, and beg Pardon of my Sex, that I could resist the powerful Arrows of the God of Love no longer: I struggled, indeed, against my Passion, and called in my Reason to my Assistance, but all would not do. He was likewise as restless and uneasy as myself; and giving his Armour to his Page, appeared yet more Gallant and Charming in his Coat, embroidered over with Golden Lilies, and Silver Stars; he left not sight of me, till To be brief, we met often, and his Merits commanding my Love, I delayed not to give him all the Assurance of my Love and Affection he required; which never extended the Bounds of Modesty. I found him to be a Younger Brother to a Noble Family in Corduba in Spain, and gave him leave to make known to my Father the Pretensions he made to me: but he being of a covetous Temper, and designing to match me to one Richer, and well settled in the City of Naples, received his Proposals so coldly, that utterly despairing to gain his Consent, I resolved for once to be disobedient, which Fear has brought this Punishment upon me, promising to meet him one Evening in the Grove, and wholly resign myself to his Care, and the Conduct of his Love. As I was passing a Road about Two Fields from it, I was surprised by Four Horsemen with Vizors on, one of them alighting, set me up by Force before another of them, and stopping my Mouth to stop the Cries I began to make, brought me to this accursed Place, but by what Ways I know not; for through the Fright I fell in a swoon, out of which I recovered not, till safe housed. What the brave Lysander's Thoughts are for my Absence, and unwillingly disappointing him, or how great the Grief of my Parents for my Absence, I know not; but sure I am their Tears and Sorrows mingled in one Channel, cannot exceed mine, who am, to add more Affliction, persecuted here by a Love I abhor.  
She ended here, and a Shower of precious Drops, like young Diamonds in their Infant Dew, fell from her fair Eyes; which made mine overflow for Company. I, as melancholy as I was myself, comforted her in the best manner I could, promising presently to put in practice at the hazard of my Life, something that might contribute to hers, as well as my own Deliverance.  

Pitying such Innocence and Beauty, I  
The utmost of my Skill resolved to try,  
Either to set her Free, or in attempting, die.    

CHAP. XII.  
How, after having considered many ways to escape, he mounted the Smoak-Loft, or Chimney, cut in the Rock; where hiding himself to escape in the night, by the sudden laying on of Fire, he was almost scorched to Death; and what means he used to prevent it; the Thiefs Opinions thereupon. How he got free, and escaped a Party of Thiefs, by falling into a Quarry, and finding Lysander the Fair Stranger's Love, after he had heard his Lamentation, he discovered the joyful News to him, etc.  
NIght now approaching, our wicked Masters began to flock home in small Parties, few of them , and many Discourses passed between them of the Business of that day, and what they designed the next; but I little minded the Particulars, by reason I had more weighty Matters, viz. to consider my Escape. I had observed the Door to be narrowly watched and guarded by two Grim Fellows, in the nature of Porters; I thought sometimes to bride them; for I had still some Gold in the Collar of my Shirt: but thinking if they should take my Money, they might however deliver me up to the Tormentors; for I took them to be People of no Faith nor Conscience, and then I should not only be narrowly watched, but my Condition much worse. At last I cast my Eye upon the little Smoak-Loft, which was a Place cut through the Rock, among a great many thick Trees, and it then strongly came into my mind, that that was the way allotted by Providence for me to escape out of the Clutches of these Wicked Ones; and so bent I was upon a Trial, that I was impatient till I had put it in practice. I made my Eyes very diligent Sentinels to observe when every Bodies back was turned on me, and sneaking into the corner, soon by the help of one of the Crutches, or forked Sticks, by whose help the Spits were turned, ascended, as by a Ladder, till I was out of sight: I found then a hollow Cavity made by the mouldering away of the Rock, through the Heat of the Fire, and in this I stood up like an Image in a Cell or Shrine, to consider how I might in the surest manner take my next ascending Steps, for fear of falling or prevent Discovery, by tumbling down the lose Stones, I tried divers that were within reach to find their fastness, the Earth being mouldered away between many of them, so that they hung by Geometry, like the Ruins of an old Town long since demolished by War: whilst I was doing this, the day having been somewhat rainy, a great Bundle of Wood was thrown on under me, to dry my New Masters, which first sent up a terrible Smoke, which in a manner turned me into Bacon: but that, though very troublesome, was not so intolerable as the Heat that seconded it, when the Fuel began to blaze. In this miserable taking I knew not well what to do, fearing, as the Flame ascended, I should now be sacrificed to Molock; sometimes I thought to descend, and put off my being there with a Pretence I only did it in a Frollick; but knowing among such Villains I should gain little Credit as to being believed, whatever specious Pretences I suggested to palliate my intended Escape, and therefore upon second thoughts, I resolved to stand it, though I suffered Martyrdom.  
I bethought myself in such a Conflagration, an Engine was necessary, and therefore pulled the little Spout I had, out of my Breeches, and as I saw opportunity, played it as long as the Water in the Cistern would supply it, which somewhat lowered the proud Curls of the aspiring Flame: I know not whether they perceived it or no, but imagined they did, ‛ For (says one of them) it reins very terribly abroad, and our Companions will be wring wret when they arrive: ' yet construing it to the best, I concluded in wet Wether part of the Showers were wont to descend there: but now my Cistern being dry, the Flame got head again, and put me into new Perplexities; I then begun to beat, and blow down the Smoke with my Hands and Breath, insomuch that it clouded their Cave, and made them remove further; when to my great satisfaction I heard one say, ‛ Take off the Fire, the Wind is turned to the South, I perceive by the smoking of the Chimney, or we shall be smothered.  
The unconsumed Fuel and Brands-ends, were hereupon immediately taken off and raked away, so that my fiery Trial by this means was over; and now all Sooty and Smoak-dryed, having taken a little Breath, I attempted my climbing business, and soon got to the top, so that I could peep into the open Air: But here another Difficulty startled me; for though I could get my Head out, my Shoulders would not follow: I however pushed hard forward with all my Strength; but finding I was like the Fellow in the little end of the Horn, I knew not what to think of it: I trembled for fear, and wept for anger, and was almost at my Wit's end to be so near a happy Deliverance, and yet not procure it, but return into worse Misery than ever; therefore, Sampson-like, redoubling my Strength, by a happy Providence the Stones that obstructed me, tumbled away, and out I leapt with more Joy than Drake when he first discovered the Spanish Plate-Fleet.  
Being now at Liberty, though in a a Place of horrid Shade and Gloomyness, (the Escape from one Danger, as is usual, made the other less terrible) I crept through the quilts of Bushes and Briars, without accusing them for their sharp Incivilities of scratching and renting my Flesh and Garments, till I supposed I was got about Two Furlongs; and there I ventured, quite tired and out of breath, to rest me a while, when immediately my ears were saluted with the barking of Foxes and the howling of Wolves, so that I fancied now I was in the case of Aesop's Hart, who flying his cruel Hunters, fell into the Mouth of the mercyless Lion, by unadvised entering his Cave for shelter. I resolved however, since I had thus far proceeded, to make the best of my way; and so pushing forward, within Two Hours after, I came into a narrow way that descended on the other side of the Mountain, which I descended with so much precipitation, that not minding my Steps, I tumbled into a deep Pit, and with the Fall much bruised myself: But I know not whether I may call this a Misfortune or a Providence; for whilst I lay groaning and struggling to get on my Legs, I heard a great number of Horsemen pass by me, which by their discourse of Booty and Plunder, I concluded to be some of our Out-Party returning to their Den. This, notwithstanding the Pain I felt, made me lie as still as a Mouse in a Cheese, till I heard all quiet; then I took the boldness, by the assistance of rugged Stones sticking out of the sides of the Pit, to get on upper Ground once more, blessing my Stars that I had, by this unexpected Accident, escaped falling into their Hands; and so trudging on, as Day began to break, I entered upon very fair and pleasant Fields, and had the prospect of some little Villages at a distance, which put more Life and Spirit into me. Towards the nearest of these I made as fast as my tired Legs would carry me, in hopes of some Refreshment; but by the way ascending a little Hill, I perceived on my Right Hand, under a little Tuft of Trees, a Cave, and in the Door of it a very comely Person sitting very Melancholy; his Thoughts were so employed, that his Eyes were not at leisure to mind my Approach till I was pretty near him. I at first knew not what to think of it; fear made me suggest this might be another of the Banditti's Dens, which made me edge out of the way, as much as I could, for a large River that run on my Left Hand; at last I heard him sigh aloud and cry out:  
O unfortunate Lysander! thus to be forsaken by my visible Divinity, the fairest, and as I concluded, the most virtuous and constant Creature that ever Nature made! Who could have suspected breach of Promise from a Mouth that I always before believed spoke Oracles, and that nothing but Verity could proceed from those Ruby Lips! But what should be the Occasion of this new Change or Dislike I know not. The most beautiful Lucindar is fled from her Lysander, who adored her next to that Deity who governs the World, and all humane Affairs; and what is more intolerable and tormenting to my distracted Mind, perhaps she is fled into the Arms of some sordid Wretch who knows not how to prise and esteem so rare and valuable a Jewel. But why, (continued he, fetching another deep Sigh) since she flies from me with such Neglect and Disdain, and bears with her my Heart as a Trophy of her Spoil, should I not, after such a Loss and Disgrace disdain to live? Death after such a Loss is the only welcome Mistress that can ease the disturbed Passions of Mind. Welcome then (said he, starting up in a furious Action and drawing his Sword) art thou to me. And here he had died, had I not stepped in and entreated him to live; for that I had so welcome a Reprieve for him, that after he knew from whom I came, he would not desire to die.  
My sudden Intrusion made him frown, and cast an angry Scarlet o'er his Face, which gave him so terrible an Aspect. though otherwise very comely, that I could scarce look on him with steadfast Eyes. He seeing me stand mute and in amaze, broke silence, Who e'er thou art, (said he) young Stripling, thou deservest the death thou wouldst preserve me from, for presiming to add more Tortures in desiring me to retain a loathed Life, than a Thousand Deaths can give me.— Seeing him recollected, and resolved to perish by his own hand, I found it now no time to dally; but said, Sir, I beg your Pardon for my Intrusion; but praised be Heaven, I hope its seasonableness was directed by a Hand of Providence. Did not you (continued I) name Lucindar— I did (said he, with up-lifted Hands and Eyes) I named the Fair but False Lucindar; and thereupon some Tears, inspite of all his Courage, trickled down his manly Cheeks: She lives (said I) lives for Lysander if you be he. At this starting to me, he clasped me in his Arms so hard; as if in a Convulsive Fit, crying out, O my good Angel, speak those blessed Words again; let those blessed Sounds o'er-joy my Ears and Heart; does Lucindar live, and live for me? She does (said I:) and thereupon told him all she had told me in the Cave; but in the telling, I perceived him so transported, that he was ready to sink under the Excess of Joy, which quite overbore all the Hazards and Dangers of recovering her; his Eyes, by Intermissions, sparkling Fire of Rage, and Tongue Threats of Revenge against he Injurers: then he clapped a Ruby Ring on my Finger, gave me Gold, drew his Horse out of the Cave where he had stood undiscovered, made me mount behind him, and with a Whirlwind's speed, posted to Naples, by well known ways, to engage his Friends and all the Power he could make, for the speedy rescuing his adored Mistress from those rude Villains Hands; and the more eager he was in it, when I rolled him what Danger she was in of being forced to the lawless Lust of the cruel Captain of those Thiefs; taking in this, the same Measures I intended, resolving, for the Injury they had done me, in separating me from my Master, and the scurvy Usage they shown me afterward, to bring those upon them, that should drive out this pernicious Nest of Hornets with Sword and Fire:  

That those who plagued the World might justly feel,  
For bloody Injuries, Revenging Steel.    

CHAP. XIII.  
How he conducts Lysander at the Head of a Company of Armed Men, to the dreadful Cave in the Rock. Of the dreadful Battle fought between them; in which the Banditti were utterly destroyed; with an Account of the valorous Exploits of Lysander; his Rescuing the fair Lucindar, and being Married to her at Naples.  
BEing come to the City of Naples about Noon, the Noble Lysander immediately went to the Viceroy's Palace, who governs there for the King of Spain, and making himself known to him, told him the Condition of his Distress, imploring immediately to be assisted with a convenient Number of Armed Men, as might utterly root out those Enemies to the Government, and all the civilised Part of Humane Society. To this he harkened with much Patience and Concern for the public Good. Then I was called, and taken into strict Examination, the better to discern whether my Report was true or feigned: I told them all the Circumstances attending my first falling into the Hands of those Thiefs, and Usage to the Time of my Escape, and luckily for the injured Lysander, declaring each particular with such Vehemency and innocent Expressions, that I gained Belief. The next thing demanded of me was, whether I could discover the Place of their Abode: this indeed put me somewhat to a stand, yet I recollecting myself, told them I believed I could, or give a very near guess at it, which with little search might be rectified. Hereupon Two Hundred Men well appointed with Swords and Fire Arms, were ordered to be in a readiness, and the impatient Lysander joined to them as many of his Friends as the little time would give him opportunity to do. We took our March as secretly as might be, without the Beat of Drum or any Martial Instruments of Music; so that by break of Day, I had guided them to the Foot of the Mountain, and it so luckily happened, that their Captain, and the greatest part of them were then together, it being an appointed Day for dividing the Booties they had taken: However, some of their Out-Scouts discovered us, and gave the Alarm. Upon which, these daring Fellows by blowing a Horn, gave the Signal to Arms, and came out and faced our Troops; long it was not, e'er a terrible firing on both sides ensued, and many Men mingled with Horses, lay weltering in their blood. Lysander enraged or inspired with Love and Fury, broke through the thickest of them, charging through, or beating down all that came before him, in such a dreadful manner, that they began to give ground, though they fought like Lions, as knowing this to be their last Effort: their Captain stormed and banned the Skies at a dismal rate; yet finding himself over-matched, in the midst of War and Fury, he forgot not his Love towards the Fair Lucindar, and ordered some that nearly attended him to fetch her out of the Cave, that if possible he might escape with that precious Prize at least: But immortal Powers, how infinitely did Rage transport Lysander, when he saw his adored Mistress in the hands of those Men, who endeavoured to carry her away in spite of her Cries and Resistance, and delivering her into the Arms of their Captain, who was retired a little out of the Files of War, well Armed and Mounted, to receive and bear her off. Certainly all the Words in the World are not sufficient to represent his Fury; he was so animated by that sight, that all their Forces were not able to resist him; he flew most impetuously on them, and turning towards him that with outstretched. Hands was ready to receive her, he brought down his Sword so forcibly on his Arms, that they fell both together from his Body to the Ground: His Companions seeing him receive that Stroke, and fearing such another, quitted her; but scarce had they disburdened themselves of that glorious Weight, and he thereby freed from the fear of wounding her by a random Stroke, but with a reverse Blow he took off another's Head, and made it roll, Cask and all, on the bloody Ground, and after this Execution, breaking in among the rest that stood wavering and consulting of Flight, like a Tempest he overthrew them in Heaps; so that from retreating, they betook themselves to open Flight, and being hotly pursued, they entered into a Marsh, full of dried Reeds, by known ways, about a quarter of a mile from the Mountain; which being encompassed and fired on every side, most of them were burnt or drowned, in attempting to swim over a River that bordered on it, and fed it with Water by several Sluices. The Fight being over, and the Pursuit ended, we returned to the Spoils, which upon search of their Cave, we found to be very great, consisting of Gold and Silver Vessels, Silks, and divers Merchandise; for this was the general Store-House to which they brought such things as they got by Plunder; and in more curious searching, we found the Female Housekeeper, who for fear, hide herself in a Well, dangling as near the Water as she durst venture in a Bucket; we drew 〈◊〉 up, and I prevented her further Fears by interceding for her: whereupon she lead us to some not yet discovered Apartments, where we found more Treasure, and delivered divers miserable Captives of either Sex, almost starved and famished to death, and being assured by her, there was nothing more in ●he Place than what we had seen, we marched off with the Trophies and Spoils of Victory and Revenge.  
It is impossible for me to express the ●oy and Satisfaction the Two Lovers conceived at their so unexpected Meeting; ●heir Embraces spoke the Transports of ●heir Souls in a Dialect above the Power of Rhetoric, or Oratory, to explain. ●n fine, having ridded the Country so successfully of this Plague that had so ●ong infested it, we returned to the City through the thronging Crowds of the shouting People; and the Father of the Fair Lucinda understanding the Misfortune of his Daughter, and the Merit of her Renowned Deliverer, upon the Viceroy's Recommendation, consented to the Marriage, which was celebrated with great Joy and Triumph, and I was caressed and highly rewarded for my seasonable Discovery.  

Here good Success attends me; but the next  
Shows me out-tricked, defeated, robbed and vexed;  
And, more than ever, leaves Ragove perplexed.    

CHAP. XIV.  
How travelling towards Rome, and observing various Matters in his way. He is imposed on in his Inn by a company of Bravoes, and their Trulls. How in the Night, thinking all safe, he hears a Cry of Thiefs and Murder in his Room: Is whipped, Robbed, and has other roguish Tricks put upon him, etc.  
I Lived some time happily in the City of Naples, and loath was Lysander to part with me: but being of a Rambling Genius, and now I was abroad, desirous to Travel, and see more of the World, I begged Leave to departed in seeking new Adventures, and in hopes of better Luck than had before befell me: Lysander at my Departure bestowed a Purse of Gold on me, and the fair Lucindar, a very rich Jewel; and with much Regret they dismissed me.  
Leaving this City, and having heard how famous Rome was for its Antiquity, and its present Grandeur, I resolved to Travel thither. But hearing that the Ways that lead to it, by reason of the great resort of People, and Booties to be met withal, were pestered with Thiefs and Pillagers, I was resolved to trudge it partly on Foot, and partly by the Waggon-Coaches, which they call their Sieges-Volants, as I found opportunity to meet with in Inns, or on the Road, when most wearied: And so providing me a Suit of ordinary , the less to be suspected, I set out on Monday in the Morning, having taken Notes of Directions for my nearest Cut; and in my Passage observed the Houses of many noble Families stand tottering, decayed, and un-inhabited, by reason their Owners Extravagancy had reduced them to that Poverty they were not able to maintain them. When Evening came on, I went to a pretty handsome Village, and enquired for a Lodging, finding by the resort in an Inn there, that I should not miss of some considerable Entertainment. So that being admitted a Tenant at Will, I walked about till Suppertime.  
In the mean while, the Innkeeper enquired my Name, saying it was the custom of the Place that he might give the better Account of his Guest, though afterward, to my cost, I found it was to another purpose: For no sooner was I sat down, and had called for a Can of Florence Wine, and the Servants not presently answering, Two Bravoes and a Trull came and placed themselves at the same Table, and bringing Wine with them, drank to me. They had seen me before, it seems, pull out some Money, as cautious as I was to conceal it, and so concluded the Reckoning safe enough. I continued however still to call the Servant; but with a great many Compliments they assured me they were all my Servants: As we (continued they) shall testify by our Endeavours to oblige you. And thereupon cried, Ho! Master of the House, make this Gentleman welcome: Set open your Pantry-door and Cupboards, and we'll see you well paid. Then one of them fixing his Eyes more intent on me, leaped over the Table to Embrace me, saying, O Monsieur Ragove! who would have thought to have seen you here! It's Ten Years since I had the Honour to pay my Respects to you. He spoke this in French, as knowing by my Tone I was of that Nation: And whilst, whether I could call him to mind or not, (for it came not into my Memory that I had ever seen him in my Life) he passionately cried out, O Wretch that I am, I now see I am much altered since you have forgot me. He being here nonplussed how to go on, up comes the other, and with as great seeming Admiration, said to his Companion, Is this that Gentleman's Son, whose worthy Deeds in Feats of Arms you have so often extolled to the Skies? Surely we are very happy we have met thus accidentally with him: He's grown pretty tall, God bless him.  
This kind of Discourse had almost confounded me; for by it, one would have gone near to have thought, they had been born in the same House and bred up with me; yet I very seriously assured them, I could not remember I had ever seen any of them in my Life. No! (said they, as struck with Admiration) that is very strange as we should be altered so much in so little a time. Then I began to ask them some Questions which I was certain they could not positively answer: So that their Trull fearing they would be gravelled, dashed them aside with saying, I see the Gentleman has forgot you; therefore lay this Discourse aside till another time, since Supper is just entering on the Table. She had no sooner said so, but up they started, and began to place the Chairs, straining Compliments with me to sit at the upper end, which all my Rhetoric and Refusals could not avoid.  
By this time the Table being covered with Dishes of a kind of strange Variety, though but very little Meat in them. They fell on with Stomaches like Famine itself; and when they (for though I was hungry I could eat little for gazing on such Gormondizers) had almost de●…ured all, in came Three more of the same Tribe, with each of them a lean shrivelled Servingman, as I thought them, at their Tails. These taking Acquaintance with the Bravoes and their Mort, they invited them to sit down and thundered for more Provision, which was as quickly brought up; and so they fell on afresh, and my Host forgot not to score it: For when the Fury of the Business was over, we found we had, as my Host was pleased to score it, Five Chequins of Gold, amounting to Twenty French Crowns to pay. At this they stared on each other, and held a profound silence, whilst I was fumbling in my Pocket, in Expectation of the Birth of Mountains; but when they saw I only brought forth a Mouse, viz. as much as came to my share, one of them started up, and protested I should be excused for my Father's Sake. But I not willing to be beholding, as indeed they never intended I should, to such Companions, lest for this Civility they should have further ends on me, pressed them to accept my Dividend, saying, If they thought convenient, I would pay more at last. Their Trull taking the Wink, said, Come, come, what need all this ado! Let the Gentleman, if he so pleases, present us with this small Treat, and do you give him a larger at his taking his Farewell in the morning. I liked not this Proposal; so that at last we agreed, I and the two first Bravoes, to throw Dice to end the Controversy, which of us should pay the whole shot; you may be sure it fell to my share; for they so managed their Business, that putting the Change upon me, the Dice they threw with, run all Five and Six, and mine Five and Fours; which I perceiving, and going to detect it, their Mort snatched them up, and by the Art of Hocus Pocus changed them into Regular ones; so that I had the Voice of the whole Board against me, insomuch that I was condemned to pay the Reckoning, though the Dissembling Villains vowed and protested they had rather it had fallen to either of their Lots to have the honour of treating me, with large Promises, what great Things they would do the next Morning to make me amends. I dissembled my Discontent as well as I could; and they perceiving I would not engage in Gaming, but counterfeiting Drowsiness, and desirous to be a Bed, the Company broke up, and I was showed to my Lodging. I had, as I thought, a Chamber to myself, but was fatally mistaken; for what I took for a Wall was only a Curtain that parted it.  
Before I went to Bed, I took care to barrocade the Door with old Trunks, Stools, and Chairs, but never minded what a weak Back I had to my Apartment: And so going to Bed as soon as my Two Inches of Candle were burnt out, I fell asleep; but was soon awaked with a capering up and down the Room, and an Outcry of Murder and Thiefs. Upon this, I leapt out of the Bed, and run to the Door to see whether it was fast or not; and finding nothing removed, I wondered how the noise should be in my Room, unless the Place was Enchanted: But as I was about to remove the Barrocades to run and raise the House, I found myself encircled with a Horse-whip, which at every Lash I thought had cut me in two, and made me roar out as loud as the other had done. And indeed I had greater Cause; for I since concluded theirs was only in Jest, and mine downright Earnest; for they were worse than Bridewell strokes, still circling my Waist and Shoulders. I flew to my Bed thinking to get under the  for a Refuge, but found they were taken away; so that I had no other shelter than to creep under it. In the mean while, some body had dunged just in the middle of my Couch, and laid the  on again: And by this time the Innkeeper, the better to colour the business, came thundering at the Door, demanding what the cause was of Clamour at such an unseasonable time of Night. Whereupon I heard one or Two leap out at the Window into a Back-Yard, and the noise of the Whip ceased: And by this time my Host had jumbled open the Door, or unlocked it with another Key, and was entered with a light, bringing his Ostler and Tapster at his Heels; and running hastily forward, being a huge Two-Handed Fellow, he beat me over and over. I thought now they were come to show me the Italian Trick which I had heard of in my own Country, viz. To circumcise my Jugulars with a Razor, or pinks my Jacket with a Poniard; which put me into a greater Fear than before: after having rolled about with me a little while, and pretending to know by my voice who it was, he kindly raised me up, and begged my Pardon; saying, He took me for one of the Thiefs. But I afterwards understood the Cause of this pretended Error was to give these Hellhounds opportunity to see whether the others had made clear Work with my Pockets, or to take the Glean. I took this Apology however, in good part, as knowing not how to help it: he than took me by the hand, and lead me under the Curtain Partition, where I unexpectedly found Two Beds, in one of them was one of the Bravoes and his Mort, whom he called his Wife; and in the t'other the other who had supped with me: they lamentably complained of the Stripes they had received. The Devil take the Rogues (said they) they have flayed our Skins. I had like (said the first that opened his Mouth) to have catched one of them; he narrowly slipped through my hands, but I reached his Buttocks with the point of my Poniard as he was leaping out at the Window, and gave him a Mark for his Roguery. Upon this, the Host and his Men promising to sit up and watch the remainder of the Night, weary and much out of order, I got me again to Bed, and presently fell asleep, without perceiving the Bedfellow I had gotten. My sleep was not however so sound, but I often turned from one side to another, insomuch that when I awaked I found myself anointed all over with Pilgrim's Salve.  
As soon as day appeared, they all came to my Bedside to utter their mutual, though dissembled Complaints; I kept close, and answered them but little, desiring to lie longer, for I had but little sleep that night: they knew as well as I the cause of my Delay, and therefore out of Courtesy, as they said, began to move the Bed-Cloaths to cover me better; which so scented the Chamber that they were forced to hold their Noses, and retire at some distance. The Host, who knew what was done, immediately came and desired me to rise, for that some Gentlemen who had traveled all night, were come in weary, and desired to lie down to refresh themselves a while. I knew not well what Excuse to make, but feigned to swoon away; whereupon they raised me up, and bend my Fingers so hard, under pretence of recovering them, that they pulled two of them out of Joint: at last I perceived all was discovered, and it could be no longer hid, out I jumped, and stunk 'em to an awful Distance. My Host perceiving how finely the Sheets were gilded, tho' I made many Excuses, began to grumble like a Dog between two Doors, swearing he would have satisfaction for the Abuse of his Linen: but the Two Bravoes interceding on my behalf, that such a Misfortune, in such Frights, might happen to the best of Gentlemen, he seemed to be pacified, and ordered me a Tub of Water to sweeten myself in, after I had for some time lain battling in my Dung; which being placed under the Pump, they pumped so fast on me, that I was almost stifled. This put me in mind how I had served my Old Master, who was here in some measure revenged. But oh! the miserablest Part was yet behind; when I came to look for my , they were vanished, together with all my Moneys, etc. at this, I cried out with a lamentable Voice, I was undone, I had lost Four hundred Crowns in Gold, besides Rings and Jewels of as great a value. At this they began to stare as if they scarcely gave credit to what I said: but I continuing to affirm it, they swore in a seeming great Rage they would find out the Rogues tho' they went to a Conjurer; and so left me in a naked Condition, to the mercy of my Host, I never seeing them more; tho' I believe they needed not have consulted the Devil to know who had rob me, no more than they might have doubted going to him themselves, when they died.  

But by these Tricks perhaps I may gain Wit,  
T' enable me, Rogues in their kind to fit;  
He ne'er can By't well, that was never Bit.  
Ragove go on then, in thy swift Career,  
And make thy Roguery imminent appear,  
That all may wonder, when thy Pranks they hear.   
Being thus gulled and cheated of all I had, but those Pistoles I sowed up in the Collar of my Shirt, I begged to have an old Frock to cover me, which I could not obtain, till they see I had ripped out some Treasure: at which sight my Host grinned, and applauded my Policy, in making some Reserve in time of Danger; though I doubt not but at the same time he wished his Comrogues had stripped me to the Skin, that I might have no place suspected to hid a Silver spangle in: For it is passed all peradventure, but he came in for the largest Snack, and lived mostly by the practice of such Vermin; but being in a strange Place, unskilled in the Laws of the Country, and not knowing how to remedy myself, I was obliged to be silent, and in haste to be gone cut of so wicked a House; wherefore sending for a Tailor, he fitted me with some second-hand , at a moderate Rate; so having returned the Frock, and disposed of a Crown for a double-dyed Hat, not worth Twelve pence, with some small Expenses to the House, I departed with a heavy Heart: when having got some Miles distant, down I sat me by a Wood-side, to bemoan my Misfortunes; but finding no boot to stay there, up I got, and trudged on my intended Design:  

For being made Fortune's Tennis-Ball, I thought  
My Way lay best, where most was to be got    

CHAP. XV.  
How going to a Gentleman's House, he undertook to lie in a Room where a dreadful Ghost was fancied to appear; and how personating it himself, he frighted a whole Table of Gamesters away, and swept up the Stakes they left behind for haste, with which he replenished his Empty Pockets.  
REsolved, if I could help it, to lie no more in a Roguish Inn, when Day was near spent, I made up to a very fine ancient Building; where at some Distance my Ears were saluted with Music, and merry Songs; which made me hope for good Entertainment (it being in those Countries a sign of good House-keeping) I therefore set a good Face on it, and went to the door, demanding if the Master of the House was within: he thereupon came, as being within hearing, and asked, What I would have? I told him being a Stranger in those Parts, and having been ill used upon taking up Quarters in Public Houses, I would entreat him to spare me a Lodging that Night. He answered me mighty civilly, but said, He feared he could not; for it being the Anniversary of his Wedding-Day, he had divers Friends there, and knew not but most of 'em might stay all night. I continued to press my Suit, and told him some of my Misfortunes Seeing me a likely Young Man, he told me he had one Room he knew no body would lie in, which he could well spare; but if I accepted that, I might perhaps fall into greater Misfortune than I had yet done, for that it was nightly haunted with a Spirit, ever since his Grandfather's Barber, for Love of a Coy Chambermaid, had cut his Throat in it, and that the Spirit appeared at usual times with Razor in one hand, a Basin and Light in the other; crying in hoarse Tone, Will you be shaved? and some that we have ventured, unknown to them, to lie there, have been for refusing to suffer him to shave them, thrown violently out of their Beds, and bruised at a strange rate.  
I heard very attentively this Relation, but having always a strong Fancy that these Reports of Apparitions were only Delusions and the Fancies of Whimsical Brains, or Men in Drink; I with much obliging Language told him, That if he pleased, I would accept of his Proffer, notwithstanding the dreadful Report he had made, and knew not, but by an Art I had learned, I might lay this poor disturbed Ghost to rest; that he should be confined to the Lower Shades, and wander about the World no more. At this he appeared altogether yielding, inviting me in, and caused me, after we had discoursed a little whence I came, and whither I was going, to enter the Parlour, and make merry with the rest of the Company; and at Suppertime told them for what I came thither, and what I had undertaken. They all wondered that I durst venture upon it; some dissuaded me from it, as a thing too full of Presumption, and Danger: some again laughed in their Sleeves to think what sport they should have in the Relation of this Adventure next morning; but they had little Cause, as it fell out, though they did so. Supper ended, they adjourned into a large old fashioned Hall, and fell to Cards and Dice.  
Seeing them set in, and the Stakes thrown down briskly, a merry Crotchet came in my Head, and retiring, desired one of the Servants, for that I was weary with long Travel, to show me up to my appointed Lodging: the Fellow, tho' a Lusty Lubber, gave me a Candle, but durst venture no further than the Stair-foot, and there wishing me a Goodnight, stood listening a little, and then departed: I shut the Door, and expected the frightful Gobbling, but he gave me none of his Company: wherefore lest he should be missing in the Family, I resolved to personate him. Thus concluding, I rubbed my Face over with the White of the Wall, to make me represent a Ghost the more exactly; then with one of my Garters tying a Sheet with a Knot to place just upon my Head like a Shroud, I stripped me to my Shirt and Drawers, and laid my  decently on the Bed, the sooner to whip in after this Exploit: a Razor I had in my Pocket, and to make it look more terrible, I cut my Finger, and bloodied it over; but being at a Loss for a Basin, I at last concluded the Pewter Chamber-pot, by the glimmering of Candles, and in a Fright, might be taken for it, as well. In this Posture I waited, till I heard by their noise and rattling of Money, the Wine was got into their Crowns; then softly descending in the same Posture as the other had been described to appear, I found them so busy at their Game, that I was in a manner at their backs, when one of the Servants that attended, looking up, and spying me, started ten Paces back, crying out, Oh! the Ghost! the Ghost! and so run out, stumbling headlong over the Threshold; I immediately extending my Pisspot, and bloody Razor, seconded him with crying out in a hoarse and dreadful Tone, Will you be shaved? upon this, they all started up without any regard to their Money that lay on the Table, and tumbled over each other for haste, as if they had bid the Devil take the hindmost; and happy was he that could tread over another to get before him. I still pursued them in the same dreadful Tone, till I had quite cleared the Hall and adjacent Rooms of every Soul of them; some got into the Cellars, others into the Stables and Outhouses, skulking and hiding themselves; Fear charming many of them in those Places as in enchanted Castles, till Daylight appeared, and banished the Bugbears of nightly Fancy.  
I upon this, returned to the Deserted Spoil, and pretty well lined my Pockets, taking this as a Providence to make up in some part, my Loss at the Inn, and so returned to Bed as softly as could be, and putting out my Candle, I soon perceived how this Error came: there was an old doted Post in the Room, that looked whitish, or shining, in the Dark, and the Wind blowing then a Penthouse of thin Board's just over the Window, swaying too and fro, made such a kind of a noise, as seemed to imitate Shave; and no doubt the Drunkenness, or Fear, of such as lay there, had improved the dreadful Consequences of it, by leaping out of Bed, and hitting themselves against the Bedposts, or tumbling on the Floar. The next morning they were not so much vexed that the supposed Goblin had carried away their Money, as for an ill Report, if I should be murdered; for they concluded no less, seeing the Razor all bloody: but when they ventured to call to me at the Stair-foot, and I assured them I was not yet dead, (though in a faint Voice, for I had cut off some of my Hair, and one side of my Beard to make it more passable) they rejoiced, and desired me to leave my Purgatory. I soon descended, and upon their Requests, gave them a very dreadful Relation, how at first refusing to let him Shave me, he attempted to Cut my Throat; but I so guarded it with my Hands, that he only cut my Finger, and having done what they saw, passed away from me, as I thought, down stairs; and returned soon after in the same Posture, rattling something in or about his Hands, like Chains. A Pox (says one of them) a plaguy Toad of a Ghost; that was our Money he stole off the Table then: I have often heard these Goblins discovered hidden Treasure for the Advantage of others, but never that they coveted it before. It may be (said the Master of the House, half smiling) some of your Fathers owed him for Trimming in his Life-time, and now he came to you for their Quarterage. Upon this, they all burst out a laughing: but I somewhat better pleased them, especially those of the Family, when I told them I heard him mutter as he passed out at the Casement, that his Time of wand'ring abroad in the World was now expired, and this was the last time he should appear; insomuch that I was invited to stay the next night, to see if he would be as good as his Word: but fearing when they had better recollected their scattered Senses, they might see into the Trick I put upon them, they could oblige me to no more than to take a Breakfast with them: and so being a little liberal to the Servants, I parted; laughing in my Sleeve to think what such a Frenzy, as a suggested Fear, though ne'er so groundless, can throw men's Minds and Wit into.   

CHAP. XVI.  
How coming to Rome, he fell into the Company of stroling Players, Fiddlers, and Dancing-Masters; and of a pleasant Adventure that befell; with the downfall of their Custard Supper. Also another Comical Adventure in the Playhouse, and how he left them.  
AFter a tedious Travel, without meeting with any Adventure worthy of Note, I came to the Suburbs of the Seven Hilled City, and thought it best there, for cheapness and conveniency, to take up my Quarters without entering the Gates; lest coming so late a Stranger thither, I might be taken for a Spy, there being an Army of Frenchmen then at Mantua, and no good Understanding between the Pope and the Crown of France.  
Long I had not enquired of the Women that sold Herbs and Fruit, who had their little Stalls under the City Wall, but they directed me to a pretty compact House, though of no largeness, where I found divers merry Pot-Companions heating their Noses with good Liquor, till they looked like the lighted Ends of Charcoal: amongst these honest Topers I sat me down. (For indeed the low Rooms were but few; the greatest part of this Company, I perceived consisted of Stroling Players, Fiddlers and Dancing-Masters; as by their Catches, throwing out Fragments of Old Plays, capering and scraping, my Judgement soon informed me; and as I conjectured, so I found it.) Being very needy, as most of those kind of Cattle are; they were very sweet upon me, especially when they knew I was a New-comer: But Experience taught me to be as shy of them as an Alderman is of a Courtier's Treat, when he suspects it is only a Bait laid to hook him in for a Sum of Money without a Mortgage. However, we drank about ptetty briskly, till one of them tipped me the Wink to step aside with him; and what should it tend to, but to tell me he was just stepping up to Supper, and if I would go with him, I should be welcome. I knew not well what to think on it; but Hunger prompting me, we stole as it were from the rest. We were no sooner got into the Chamber, and our Victuals not presently coming up, but to divert me the while, he proceeded to act in Gestures and Expressions, some Fragments of a Tragedy, made upon a Scythian King, who flying through a Forest with his Queen, was himself, after a stout resistance, seized on, and got under the Feet of a Bear. It seems he had acted this Part, and just as the Wench was coming up with a Dish of Custards which he had ordered for his Supper, the Poetic Rapture took him in the Noddle, and fancying himself in the Bear's Clutches, he thus, in a passionate and very earnest Tone, besought his Queen to save herself by flight.  

O fly! my Queen, from this devouring Bear;  
Let it suffice, he me alone does tear:  
O save thyself, the bloody Bear's Jaws fly;  
Why shouldst thou, whilst thou may'st escape him, dye?  
O haste, be gone; or thy Death too, is nigh.   
The Maid being by this time at the stair-head, in a great fright concluded, that some Bear broke lose, was got into the Chamber a worrying him, and that it was to her he spoke so eagerly to save herself; lest the Beast having made but half a Supper of him, she should come in for the Second Course to make up his Meal; and thereupon made but one leap down Stairs; yet tumbling Head over Heels at the bottom, beat all the Custards in pieces; and lying with her Coats over her Head, her bare Buttocks and Heels up the stairs, she fancied the Bear would now soon have her by the Breech; which made her roar out lamentably for Help.  
Being taken up, all imbrued in, and almost blinded with Custard, and demanded of how this Disaster came to pass, Oh! (said she) for the Love of God don't stand ask of Questions, but Arm, Arm, and run up quickly to the poor Gentleman's rescue, whom a monstrous Bear, come from I know not whence, is now tearing in pieces, and eating. Upon this, though somewhat startled, they catched up what Weapons came first to hand, and up stairs they run, rushing in upon us in a very furious manner, that I knew not what to think should be meaning of it, till they all cried out in a breath, Where's this Bear? Where's this Bear, that the Maid says was worrying a Man? The Player as he could be heard, assured them it was only a Mistake of the Maid's, who had heard him perhaps repeating such a Passage of a Play, and by her fear suggested it a Reality. This occasioned much Laughter in the House; but we had the least Cause; for by it we had the bad Luck to lose our Custards, and forced to take up with a few hard boiled Eggs.  
It growing late, I was conducted to my Lodging, and made all fast about me; remembering how I had before been served, and indeed slept the quietliest that night, of any I had done since my setting out.  
Being up indifferent early in the morning, I took a turn into the spacious City, and spent the time till Dinner, in viewing its Order and Situation, and perceived that of Ancient Rome, little but Ruins remained; the City now in quest consisting of New Foundations, for the greatest part: For the Pope making the amplest Figure there, they all covet to crowd and build near his Palace; yet there is several of the Ancient Monuments remaining; as of Pompey's Theatre; Trajan's Statue on Horseback; some Remains of the Capitol, where the strong Castle of St. Angelo is founded, and many other things I remarked, too tedious here to be inserted; till wearied in so large a space, and my Stomach told me it was time to provide for it, home I went, where I found my last night's Companion Cooking a good Dish of Fish; I desired to put in with him, and he quickly granted my Request.  
Dinner ended, he asked me if I would not go and see their Play that Afternoon. I told him with all my Heart. But I had better have kept away, for I narrowly scaped a Mawling. It seems this Play had been Acted before, and very much disliked; whereupon they had promised this day to present another: but my New Acquaintance, who was the Composer of it, thinking to keep up his Honour by retrieving the Disgrace, upon some Alterations, resolved once more to try its Fortune.  
The Curtain being drawn, and the Audience in great Expectation; I, as a Friend, had liberty to be on the Stage; when the First Scene beginning with a War, after a Flourish of Trumpets, my Friend advanced, completely Armed, Back, Breast, and Head, as a General, with a Truncheon in his Head: And well it happened he was so well fortified; for the People no sooner perceived they were defeated of their Expectation, but with loud Clamours, not giving him leave to speak, they sent a Hail-Storm of Cudgels; Brickbats, Stones, Stools, Benches, and whatever they could get, or tear up, at the poor General, with such Fury, that had he not made, as well as myself, who received part of the Blows, a hasty Retreat, upon the imprudent Advance made too near the Enemy's Quarters; 'tis ten to one whether he had been brought off alive or not: and nothing could appease this Popular Fury, which had tore down the House like a Whirlwind, had it lasted Half an hour longer; but a Restitution of their Money, and a Promise to so many of them as would enter their Names, to be admitted Gratis to a Play, the next Evening: and so going home, I paid off my Lodging, and took leave of my Company, that I might be the better at leisure to stumble on some fortunate Adventure.   

CHAP. XVII.  
How he fell into the Company of two beautiful young Courtesans, who took him for a Mercer. How in hopes of getting Silks of him, he was highly Entertained at their Lodging; and in a pleasant Arbour enjoyed the Fairest of them. What after happened on this adventurous Occasion.  
I Had heard much of the great Number of Courtesans, kept here to supply the Lusts of those that could supply them with Money; when having travelled a great part of the morning in viewing the Churches, Palaces of Princes, and Colleges, grown weary, I sat me down on a Bench before a Mercer's Shop, when immediately up came two of them, (as I perceived by their covering their Faces with Hoods so transparent that they could see and not be seen,) and taking me to belong to the Shop, demanded whether we had any Silks of the Newest Fashion, I told them No; but a Caravan was expected in a day or two; and if they pleased to tell me where I might wait on them, I would bring Patterns of such as was very choice. This stumbled them a little; but after they had compared Notes together, they said they knew not the Name of the street, as being Newcomers where they lived; but if I would go with them, they could show me. I knew this was a Wheedle, yet resolved to venture; for now I writ myself Man, and thereupon stepping into the Shop to the Apprentice, as if I had given him charge of the Business; on the contrary I only asked him for a shame Name, which he assured me he knew not, and so came out again to 'Squire my Ladies to their Lodging.  
Being at the Door, I would have taken my Leave; but they cried, Nay Sir, but you shall walk in, and take a Glass of Wine, since you have taken this trouble upon you: for they now took me for no less than the Master, seeing me as I came along bowing to some Noblemen and Magistrates we met, as well as wealthy Citizens, and they in Civility resaluted me; they showed me into a very curious Chamber, hung with Tapestry or Wainscot, gilded in the Sashes, and hung with variety of Pictures: at length we sat down at a Table, and drank plentifully as to my part, but they only seemingly, as to any purpose: then came in a Basket of Sweetmeats and Fruits, which being lightly tasted, one of them called for her Lute, which she had no sooner tuned, but in came skipping a little Spaniel and a Monkey, dressed in Dancer's Habit, and about it they went so nimbly and exact in their steps and turn, that I had seen but few Dancing-Masters who could outdo them.  
By this time the Maid came in, and as I suppose purposely, whispering the other; she withdrew, and left me with the other, who after some other Discourse, began to talk very Amorously; and understanding I was a Bachelor, refrained not to proffer herself as my School-Mistress, to teach me, as she said, a soft Love-Lesson: I was very willing to learn, but feared I should pay too dear for it: I knew she expected as much Silk as would make her a Gown at least, and how to come by it I knew not. At last, by her Persuasions, I consented to be her faithful Servant, and ruled by her every way. When being a little , that I might not seem to be less than I had proposed myself, I in a Bravado drew out most of the Money I had got at the Ghost Scuffle: this new Allurement sweetened her Conceit; and so to pass away the time, we walked together down a Back-stairs into a very fair Garden, furnished and curiously set out with the most delicate Trees and Flowers that Italy afforded, and there in one of Venus' Bowers, a curious Umbrage consecrated to Love, I enjoyed the delicate Beauties of my Charming Nymph; which I repeated with such Vigour, that she seemed mightily pleased with my performance: but as I thought before, the Burden of the Song was hopes of Gain.  
After this, she gave me her delicate White Hand, and lead me into a Banqueting House, where we were saluted with melodious Music, and having been entertained with all manner of Delights on Free-cost, I took my Leave, promising to send my Rich Presents. Upon this, away I trudged to the Mercer's, and told him a great Lady (whose Name I had learned, and who had a House near the Apartment of these Courtesans) had sent me to desire him to let his Man carry her some of the Richest Silks his Shop afforded: To which he consented, as knowing her, and to the Youth gave them in Charge, which was but newly come to him, and therefore the easier to be imposed on. I lead him through as many By-streets as I could, to lose his way, and at last fixing my Eyes on a House that had a Thoroughfare, in I went, desiring him at the Door to deliver his Cargo, that I might show it my Lady; but instead of doing that, I made an Excuse to the People, after I asked for a strange Name, and they had told me no such Person lodged there, that I found myself mistaken, and desiring to go through the House into the back-street, I left my young Merchant in the Lurch, to return to his Master, after long time having expected my Return, with a lamentable Story of Sharpers. Having thus gotten what I aimed at, away I went to my Mistresses, who received me very kindly, and there I reveled some Days; but upon a thorough Search made throughout the City in all suspected Houses, our Quarters were beat up about Midnight: I happened upon the Alarm, to peep out, and spy the Officers, and fearing the Consequence, put on my , went down, and stood up close behind the Door, after I had opened it; so that when they rushed in, out I slipped: but upon search the Silks being found in the House, the two Charming Venus', notwithstanding all the Excuses they made, were hurried to Prison, and soon after as I heard, had Scarlet Laces fixed on their tender white backs by the Lictor or Public Whipper of the City, and forced over and above to pay a very dear Rate for their supposed Elemosinary Finery.   

CHAP. XVIII.  
How he rob the Offering-Box under the Virgin Mary's Image; and being discovered, by what Trick he escaped: his Roguery declared a Miracle by the Cardinal, who before was about to condemn him to the Flames, and he carried in Procession. How he put a Trick upon a Priest for his Silver Crucifix and left Rome.  
THe fear of Discovery upon this Prank, made me skulk about in the most private Corners; till finding a Ship in the Tiber, of my own Country, and bound thither, I so ingratiated myself with the Master, that he suffered me to embark for a Passage; yet it was some time e'er he sailed. In the mean while, I ventured in search of Adventures; and perceiving the Door of Lateran Church open, in I went and found the People at High Mass, every one as they entered casting Money into a Box that stood under the Image of the Virgin Mary, which made me itch to be fingering it: when taking my Opportunity, with an old crooked Nail I soon picked the Lock, and crammed as much of the Treasure as I could into my Pockets: but doing it over-hastily, and dropping some Pieces, they made such a gingling on the Marble Pavement, that as Ill Luck would have it, I was discovered, seized, and dragged before Cardinal Cibo; who examining Witnesses as to the Fact, and finding it plain, exclaimed against me by the Titles of Rogue, Rascal, Sacrilegious Villain, and Heretic, and was just about condemning me to the Flames: when falling on my Knees, with up-lifted Hands and Tears in my Eyes, I begged his Eminency to hear me; which after much storming he granted, and silence being made, in a piteous Tone I told him, That being a vile, wicked Wretch, and brought up a Huguenot, coming to this City in great Distress and Poverty, I had made my Prayers before the Image of the Blessed Virgin to relieve me in my hard Necessity; and in consideration of that, I would turn Roman Catholic, and ever be her Votary; when all on a sudden, the Box under her Image flew open, and she pointed with her Finger to the Treasure, making a dumb show with nodding her Head for me to supply myself out of it, which I had thankfully done, with a resolve to keep my Vow.  
This being heard with much Patience and Attention, I perceived the furious Cardinal to lessen his Anger by degrees; when all on a sudden lifting up his Hands and Eyes, he cried out A Miracle! A Miracle! which all the rest gabled out aloud, and concluded that none might more properly dispose of that Treasure than the Virgin to whom it was offered: whereupon I was carried back to the Church in Solemn Procession, and round it on men's Shoulders in Triumph, whilst Ave Maria was sung by the Priests, and I placed before the High Altar; being afterward dismissed with great Applause. Since which, I have considered most of the Miracles of that Church have their rise from such Fallacies.  
This Success and Escape emboldened me to a greater: For one day going into St. Peter's Church, I perceived the Priest put a Silver Crucifix, of great value, into a Sepulchre, as their, Ceremony is, upon the Resurrection; and whilst they were going round in their Devotion, I, by the Art of Hocus Pocus, conveyed it into my Breeches, and shuffled among the Crowd: So that when he came back to it, crying, Non est hic, sed surrexit, " He is not here, but is risen," he found it so indeed; for, after much fumbling, he perceived his graven G●d was gone: And I made as much haste to get away for fear of a Search. So getting on Board the Ship, ready to Sail, I bid a lasting Farewell to Rome.  

My Store recruited by these lucky Hits,  
To France I steered, to re-imploy my Wits.    

CHAP. XIX.  
How being Embarked, a counterfeit Hermit told him a Story, of a pleasant Trick he put upon the Pope with St. Peter's Beard: And coming back to France, he hung Two Bastards in a Basket, about the Neck of the French King's Statue; for which a poor Friar was hanged by mistake, etc.  
ON Board our Ship, I found, among others, a kind of counterfeit Hermit, or Pilgrim, w●… had taken that Garb, the better to shroud his Rogueries, as he told me many others did; and among other Stories, he told me of the Trick he had put upon Pope Innocent XI. viz. That coming to Rome, and pretending he came from visiting the Holy Sepulchre at Jerusalem, and all the other Places usually visited there by Pilgrims, he desired to be admitted to the Pope's presence, as he said, for his Benediction or Blessing, but more truly, in hopes of getting Money out of him, which he usually gave Pilgrims at their return from that Holy Place; but was told by the Cardinal, That he could not be admitted, unless he brought some Relics. He told him, He had some at his Hermitage. And so taking leave, after rambling about the City, heard an old fat Hostess had been lately hanged for poisoning one of her Guest, and that she was delivered to the Surgeons to be Anatomised. This put a strange Whim in his Head; which was to get the skinny circle of her merkin Hair; and all which, one of the Surgeon's Men, for half a Ducat helped him to. This he dried and combed out, and so returned to the Cardinal, telling him he had brought St. Peter's Beard, which he bought, at a great Price, of the Fathers of the Sepulchre. The Cardinal admired at this, and looking earnestly on it, clapped it on his Muzzle, saying, If it was true, it were a Jewel worth a Kingdom; and immediately introduced him to His Holiness, who was in as much Wonder, strictly examining the Truth of it, saying, They had his Scull already, but never heard his Beard was preserved. But he gave them such plausible Reasons, as to the Truth of it, that he gained Credit: And the Pope putting it upon his Mouth, as the Cardinal had done, and in a manner worshipping it, demanded why there was so much Hair on the one side, and so little on the other. O, said our counterfeit Pilgrim, Your Holiness well knows St. Peter was a Jew by Birth, and used to play much on the Jews-Harp; so that by often rubbing and twanging with his Finger, he rubbed off the Hair on the right side of his Face.  
This gaining Credit, it was set up in the Repository of Rarities, in a Crystal Shrine, to be adored by superstitious Votaries, and a Hundred ducats were ordered our Pilgrim; who, fearing the Cheat should come to light, had now left the City. Many other Stories we had by the way, which lasted us to Marseilles; where landing, I was overjoyed to be once more in my own Country after so many Perils and Dangers, but in my Travels found it every where very much wasted and impoverished, a great number of People being reduced to the last Extremity of Life, by hard Taxes, Oppressions, and other Grievances. However, on I trudged through many desolate Places, the deserted Seats of the Hugonots, or Protestants, who by violent Persecution, were driven out, or fled almost out of the Country. Coming to my Father's House, I found he was killed in the Wars about half a Year before in Flanders, whose Death my Mother, poor Soul, had taken so grievously, that she died, as some say, of Grief, and as others, of a certain Fire that burned too hot inwardly. But what troubled me most, my dear Lady having turned her fumbling Lord into the other World, had foolishly left the Pleasures of Life, and buried herself alive in a Nunnery, upon notice the Lord I traveled with, was murdered in an Inn at Pavia.  
Being now a free Denizen of all the World, I resolved to continue living by my Wit; and our Family by these sad Disasters having broke up Housekeping, I haunted the Court, and easily found those that could Pimp best had the greatest Preferments bestowed on them. I insinuated myself, by that means, into the Favour of the Court Ladies, as knowing how my Mother had prospered in that Trade. I sometimes helped them to Gallants, or in the Dusk of the Evening, laid their By-blows at such Nobleman's Doors as I conceived they most properly belonged to; and resolving on a Frolic one Evening, looking on every side for fear of Discovery, Two thumping Boys that were brought me, neatly placed in a Basket, by a Waiting-Woman to a young Lady, with whom I had seen the great Lewis very familiar, I tied it a about the Neck of his famous Statue, (set up in Honour of that Monarch, by Monsieur de Lovis) with this Distich:  

Nature, Law, Reason, all have plainly show●,  
That every Father ought to keep his own.   
This being found upon the going about of the Guards, great Enquiry was made, by the King's Order, after him that had presumed so great an Affront, and a Friar of the Carmelite Order, having preached a little before against the Vices of the Court, and glanced much in his Discourse upon this Monarch, he was suspected to be the Author or Contriver of it, and so was put to the Rack; who in his Tortures confessed what he had never done, and was fairly hanged for my Roguery.  

And thus through many Dangers I have run,  
Played roguish Pranks, though yet I have not done:  
Much more's behind, to which I still aspire,  
Whilst for a true French Rogue Men me admire,  
As Phaeton once, who set the World on fire.    
FINIS.