A fresh WHIP For all scandalous LIARS.  
OR, A true description of the two eminent Pamphliteers, or Squibtellers of this KINGDOM.  
With a plain and true Relation of their Tricks and Devices wherewith they use to cozen and cheat the COMMONWEALTH.  
7ber 9th London printed. 1647.   

A Fresh Whip for all scandalous LIARS. OR, A true description of the two eminent Pamphliteers, or Squibtellers of this KINGDOM.  
I Must begin with the Diurnall-Writer first, as indeed order itself doth enjoin me, by the constant course of the days in the week; and whose large volume is issued our every Monday morning. I may not unfitly term him to be the chief Dirt-raker, or Scafinger of the City; for what ever any other books let's fall, he will be sure, by his troting horse, and ambling Booke-selers have it conveyed to his wharf of rubbish, and then he will as a many petty fogging scrivoners do (I may not exempt himself out of the profession) put out here and there to alter the sense of the Relation; and then he shelters it under the title of a new and perfect Diurnal. This merchant when he hath loaden his Sheet (or Dung-Cart) with his stolen informations, and misinformations; than ye shall have him strut up and down with his gingling spurs, as if he had a pair of Aaron's Bells at his heels, or that he had done the state mighty good service. He was once a Stationer, till he crept into the little hole at Westminster-Hall, where indeed he began his trade of inditing or framing; and so risen at last to the stile of the Diurnall-Writer. I must confess at his first beginning to write, he was very industrious, and would labour for the best intelligence, as his large volumes do testify, but when he found the sweetness of it, and how easily he could come by his intelligence, he fell to his sports and pastimes, for you should hardly ever find him at home all the week, till Saturday-morning, and then you should be sure to find him a-bed, panting and puffing as if he had over-rid himself, with riding too and again from the Army, when God-wot he hath not been out of the Lynes of Communication; (but a little too much within the Lynes of M. M.) And so by this means making the poor workmen stand still for their labour, and that which he should do on Saturday, he must do on Sunday. This merchant hath his two Printers to attend his work, whereof one hath a man, that rather than it should be thought that he were not diligent enough for his Master, he will content himself with a piece of Thursdays news for his Prayers, Friday's Intelligence for the first Sermon, and saturdays for the afternoon Lecture, and if it do not hold them overlong, he will sit down and sing a Psalm, or take a pipe of Tobacco, and think he hath done God good service. 'Tis a shame such a Conventicle (I can term it no otherwise) which tends to the dishonour of God, should be suffered.  
Now I must do as many false Prognosticators mistake, or skip 3. days in the change of the Moon: I must come to Friday, styled the Perfect Occurrence Writer. He whose face is made of Brass, his body of Iron, and his teeth are as long as tenpenny-nayles. I think he is a youth not unknown to most in the City since the great preferment he had to stand in the Pillory. He is a great merchant in this way of writing, and very excellent for framing a Title for an old, or new lie. This is he that when our men lay of one side of Shotover-Hill against Oxford, he got the favour to discharge a piece of Ordnance against the City, when he had done, for London he came, with a greater report and execution then ever the piece did, that he had shot down one of the chiefest Colleges in the University, and that he could perceive the very Battlements to fall: and after this great victory of his, because he would be taken notice of, he causes his Printer to set down the very place where he lives, as for example, London printed for Thomas Walker living at a great brick house and balcony, as you turn up to St. James'; when indeed the three cornered house without a roof, turning up to Padingion were more fit. He was an Ironmonger in St. Martin's by his trade, where having but little trading for his Tinkerly ware, fell to this trade of mis-informing; and so by his venomous pen framing, and with his chase dishes of Hell, he hath bestrowd the whole City, nay the whole Kingdom with unsavoury languages, and burning coals of contention. This merchant I must needs confess doth take a great deal more pains than the other in compacting his relations together, and it doth chief lie in running up and down, he may well be called the Bellman of the City, for he is up all hours in the night, running to and again, from the Posthouse; and when he is questioned with who goes there; my name is Walker, I am about the State's service, pray do not stop me: when he hath been at a Printing house, laying his sower Leven of raylings and scandalizing against honest, and reverend men; or else compacting his damnable lies together. Witness how many times hath he taken and killed Prince Rupert, and Prince Maurice, and Sr. Ralph Hopton: he hath an excellent faculty to put a new title to an old book, and he will be sure to put more in the Title page than is in all the book besides; how many victories, and sometimes small losses hath he framed, and especially out of Ireland, and many times strange sights in the air, appearing like Champions ready to encounter. I wonder he never met with the Devil, but indeed he was ever a favourer of Lies, and I believe hath granted him a large Patten for his profession. Nay rather than he will be out of action, he will rob Hammon of his Patten of one side, and draw out a list of half a side with Malignants names, or Horses, and frame an Order as from the House whereby they may sell; For his Friday's Occurrences he doth take a great deal of pains to keep up the sale of them, he doth as many times Grocers use to do by their mouldy, musty ware, take and shake them together with a new gloss of Honey, and they will pass as if they came newly over. So when he hath compacted all his Rubbish or Ribaldry together, he will set them off with an Order or Ordinance of Parliament. I could enlarge myself a great deal more, but I would keep within the compass of my sheet. And conclude with this, that I do think that his, and many other scurrilous Pamphlets, have done more mischief in the kingdom then ever all my Lord of Essex's, or Sir Thomas Fairefaxes whole train of Artillery ever did.   
FINIS.