The Dutchman's PEDIGREE, OR A Relation, Showing how they were first Bred, and Descended from a HORSE-TURD, which was enclosed in a BUTTERBOX.  
Together with a most exact Description of that great, huge, large, horrible, terrible, hideous, fearful, filthy, ugly, monstrous, misshapen, prodigious, preposterous Horse that shit the same Turd; who had two Faces on one head, the one somewhat resembling the face of a man, the other the face of a horse, the rest of his body was like the body of an Horse, saving that on his shoulders he had two great Fish fins, like the fins of Whales, but far more large: He lived sometime on land, but most in water; His Diet was Fish, Roots, Herbs, etc. A very dreadful Accident befell him, the fear whereof set him into such a fit of shitting, that he died thereof: His body was immediately carried with multitudes of Devils into Hell, where it remains to this day.  
Also how the Germans following the directions of a Conjurer, made a very great Box, and smeared the Inside with Butter, and how it was filled with the dung which the said monstrous horse shit; Out of which dung within nine days space sprung forth men, women, and children; the Offspring whereof are yet alive to this day, and now commonly known by the name of DUTCH MEN; As this following Relation will plainly manifest.  
IF I should only treat upon the shape of a monstrous Creature, my Relation would be accounted strange, and only strange; and so pass by as a common strange thing: But seeing Nature thought it not enough to create a Monster, and so make an end; but also with it, or by it, to produce monstrous effects; I think this not a thing worthy to be looked on slightly, or to be passed by with saying only, It is very strange! For never did any prodigious shape terminate in such wonderful and miraculous events as this did.  
Van Trumy: De Witte. The great Butter Box.  
Now because I will go methodically along with this History, I will first describe unto you the fashion of this Monster, and then the course of his life, and afterwards the events that happened upon his latter end and death.  
The length of his Body was of a very large size; for from head to tail was seven hundred fifty four yards, and every member about him proportionable to the bigness of his Body; He had a double head, or to speak more properly, a single head with two faces; one like a Man's, the other like an Horse's face; his man-ish face was of a dark red fleshy colour, like raw tanned Leather, he had two great grey eyes, and a couple of long Whiskers or Moustaches, that reached up to his very ears, which stood straddling from his head as if they feared to touch it; his chin was bald, and without hair; under his chin he had a wallup of fat hung half way down his throat; he had a wide mouth, and two tongues in it, with either of which he could speak, though he was much impedited with the wallup of fat that hung under his chin, which made his words sound as if he spoke in the throat: he had two rows of teeth, with which he chewed the food he fed his unsatiable and ravenous paunch; his other face was shaped altogether like an Horse's, and the rest of his body like the body of an horse, only to his shoulders were fastened two great Fish-finns, which served him as Oars to transport his body from place to place when he journeyed by water. For manner of his life, he delighted most in water, swimming from Sea to Sea, and in show, held amity with all the Fish in the Ocean; but his friendship lasted no longer then till he saw a fit opportunity to make a disagreement more advantageous unto him than his feigned familiarity was; and then he would fall to devouring the smaller sort of fishes by whole Cart-loads, and preying on the greater where ever he found them; insomuch that all fish (either through a natural instinct, or accustomed to his ravenous practice) dreaded him as their greatest terror, and shunned him as much as they would death itself. On land he was not so active as in the water; for the weight of his fat and corpulent body, was a burden too great for him to bear without sweeting; nor could he so easily rub away his sweat on land, as he could wash it away in water. His Land-dyet was altogether on Roots, Herbs, etc. and that not in small quantity neither, for though an Acre of ground were burdened with never so plentiful a crop, yet would this Monster make but one single mouthful of it; so that wherever he came, he ruin'd all but himself, by eating the victuals out of their mouths: And thus behaved he himself, now spending his time on land, and then in water. At last he happened in his travels by Sea, to light upon the coast of Germany, which having somewhat more shallow waters then other Seas, though the Tide were at highest, his feet touched the ground, when his back was above the water; and the Tide retiring into Neptune's Treasury, left this monstrous Monster wallowing in the midst of this muddy Sea; who seeing himself so disrespected by those surly and clownish waters, began to swell with anger, and look big with scornful indignation, muttering to himself these and such like scornful and threatening expressions.  
What (said he) have I hitherto been Commander and Ruler of all the Seas that ere I came in, and must I now be slighted of these petty and unsavoury waters? Have not all the Fishes, nay the Whale himself when he hath seen me approach, made way for my Mightiness to pass freely? Hath not the greatest Ocean in the world been proud of its burden when it hath born me? How ready hath its waters been to open to the right and left when I have approached? and how nimble were they to close again after I had once passed by? How hath its tops danced to delight me, and the waves justled one another to make me pastime? How smooth hath its face been, when I have come to the top to Sun myself, and how rugged when I have gone down to take a Nap, the winds and it conspiring together to make melody to lull me to sleep? What shall I say? How ready and willing have other Seas been to wait upon me? and how negligent and backward are these dropping ditches to perform the duty they owe me? But they shall buy it dearly; for I swear and now revenge: and therefore let them come when they will, my fury shall destroy them, and my swallow shall consume and devour them all.  
This Monster being in this pelting rage, was very unable to brook such unkind courtesies, and hardly knew he how to spend his time, unless he first had spent his revenge upon these unmannerly waters; one while he turns to the East, than again to the West, by and by to the North, and anon to the South; every way watching the coming of the Seas: who after they had taken their leave of Neptune, retire again to feed the soaking sands with the very substance of their own humid and liquid body.  
This Beast, or Monster, or rather monstrous Beast, perceiving the waters draw nigh, couches close to the quaking Quagmires, wathing its prey, as Spaniels do their game, behind a bank of sand that formerly the wanton waters (sporting themselves therewith) had driven before them, planting it there as a fortified Castle, to exercise themselves; in imitating the Besieging Scaling, and Conquering a peaceful enemy, against they had occasion to deal with a warlike one: And when the Seas according to their frequent custom, began in a familiar way to daily with this sandy Bulwark, now approaching to the skirts of its Frontier, and strait withdrawing its self, as if the Adversary had given it the repulse, and then again with fresh courage astaulting the Defendant, and getting ground, as if it meant with continual Alarms to weary out the poor besieged; out stars this fearful Monster, assaulting these innocent waters in such an outrageous manner, as if it had intended to devour (not only that poor Sea, but also all the Oceans in the whole world; and setting both his monstrous mouths to these weak and feeble waters, one would have thought he had drunk a health to the Devil, and that Satan would not pledge him, unless he drunk up his cup; drinking till he stairs, and staring while he drinks, never giving over so long as he could see one drop follow another: pursuing with a revengeful fury so far as he durst for fear of the British Seas, which he perceived begun to muster up their Forces to oppose his Tyrannical do; and very hard it was for him to escape them; for he having devoured the waters which should have carried him nimbly away, was compelled to make a sluggish retreat on foot; which was not so quick, but that the British Scas were ready to overtake him, ere he could get to fast and firm ground; and when he turned about, and perceived them near his heels, a sudden fear surprised him, and set him into such a violent purging condition, that he never left shiting till he purged life and all out of his body; and no soever was he dead, but a most fearful tempest arose: the winds blue, and the waves flew, the thunder cra●…, and the lightning flashed, whole streams of 〈◊〉 came pouring down, and 〈…〉, a general darkness possessed the whole Hemisphere, a sudden crack was given, as though the Axletree of the earth had snapped in twain; the Devils themselves came roaring about his carcase, and carried it away so soon as the breath was out of his body.  
And when this hideous Tempest ceased, the Germans perceived the waters had left the borders of their Country, which they much admired at, and therefore enquired of all the wise men in their land, to know if they could tell them the cause of so wonderful and strange an accident; Among the rest, they at last found out an old wrinkled faced Conjurer, one of the devil's chiefest Councillors, who had more skill in prophesying of things to come, than any in all Germany besides, him they entreated to tell them (according to his Art) what success would follow upon such seldom seen accidents: But he desired them to give him a month's time to pause upon it, and then he would give them his judgement in writing, upon condition they would presently cause a great huge Box to be made, and smear all the inside with Butter, and carry it to the midst of the drained Seas, and fill it with a sort of dung which he told them they should find there, and stop it close up, and so leave it. They straightway consented, and forthwith caused a Box to be made, according to his directions; and carried it towards the place that he appointed, but they had far sooner the scent of the place in their nostrils then the sight thereof in their eyes; for above twenty miles about there was such a filthy noisome stink, that many of the men that helped to carry the said Box thither, were choked with it, and others sat down to stop their nose, but the rest ran home again, and left the Box behind them. But the Devils in the night time coming thither, and finding the work undone, were very angry with the Conjurer, mistrusting that he had been very negligent of Belzebubs business, for Belzebub had given him charge, that that dung should be carefully closed up in such a Box as was mentioned before; thereupon they repair towards the Conjurer's house, and by the way they found the foresaid great Box, and many shovels lying by it, which the men had brought along with them to take up the dung with; and as they looked farther about them, they found the dead bodies of those men that were killed with the stink, and thereby perceived the Conjurer was not in fault, but that mortals were too weak instruments to go through such hellish work: therefore they took up the Box and shovels themselves, and carried it away to the place where the dung was, and filled the Box with it, and so closed it up, and let it stand, leaving only the greatest Devil in all hell to sit brooding upon it, for a small one could not cover it: But the Devil had not brooded passing nine days space, ere living creatures were heard to make a great rumbling in the Box; and at the last breaking out of it, they were discerned to have the shape and voice, and nothing but the shape and voice, of men, women, and children. Then fell they to work with the shell of that Egg out of which 〈…〉 hatched (I mean the Box) breaking it to pieces; and the Devils furnishing them with Tools, they made a Ship of it, and set forth to Sea with it, to catch fish, to feed their gormandizing guts withal; and when they came home again, they found their drained Seas, or their Sea-land, all overgrown with weeds, and that they fed upon, till such time as they went to Sea again. But before this time the month was come about that the Conjurer should deliver his judgement in writing to the Germans, which was to this effect.  
Know ye (O Germane) that Belzebub the great King, sole Commander and Governor of all the Dominions in Hell and Purgatory, thought it not suitable to his Port and Greatness, to want one Lordship, and Manor-house at least, on earth, that he might appropriate peculiar to his own Majesty's use; and therefore caused he one of the most infernal Devils to ravish a Mermaid, and upon her to beget a very large and monstrous Horse, with two heads, etc. the same Horse that hath been seen by many of our Countrymen within these few days, and therefore I need not describe the shape of it to you. This Horse by my king Belzebubs instrument drained these your Seas; and (what is a miraculous thing) hath drunk up all the waters in them, and now left it dry ground; but partly because no other Seas should replonish them, and partly because Belzebub would from thence raise up a stock of servants, not only to manure his lordship, but also to do him other offices that his Majesty from time to time shall think convenient to be done, he caused this great Horse to purge whole mountains of Dung, to lie between the next Seas and the new-drained land, as a strong Baracado to keep the water out. And also by an Ambassador he gave me strict charge that I should take care to procure such a box as I caused you to make, and get it filled with the same Dung; which being done he caused the greatest Devil in Hell to sit brooding upon it, and to hatch creatures like Men, Women, and Children, to inhabit the drained land. And moreover I have Commission from my dread Sovereign King Belzebub, to consult with those new servants of his about the name that these drained. Lands shall be known to the rest of the world by: and because I will not hid any thing from you that you may be desirous to know in these matters, I shall acquaint you with my intent concerning it, which I hope will be no whit offensive to his Majesty, who hath commanded me that I be sure to give it such a name as may have the first syllable of his own in it, for which cause I think it most proper to be called Bel-regia; for if we call Belzebub Bel for shortness, it will then signify Belzebubs Kingdom: But if his Majesty's servants the Inhabitants shall think this too long a Name to be readily spoken, I shall then condescend to call it Belgia, leaving out the middlemost syllable in pronounciation, since it cannot but be understood by the sense of the word.  
More I have not to say in these matters, for I think I have sufficiently answered your curious expectations.  
Farewell. by me D. F.   

Courteous Readers,  
I need not paraphrase much upon this Relation, since ye all know that Creatures Hellishly hatched cannot but in a large measure participate of the qualities of the old Brooder: else why should we desire to set our Game eggs under Kites, Crows, and such like ravenous Fowls, but because we would have the young ones which they hatch more furious and violent then if they were hatched by the old ones of their own kind. Therefore since it so, do not wonder that the Dutch have acted so Hellishly like Devils as they have: Do not wonder at their Stratagems: Do not wonder at their cologueing dissembling: Do not wonder at their wicked traitorous and unjust wring of all Trade out of other men's hands: Nay, do not wonder at their barbarous and Inhuman cruelties, since from Hell they came, and thither without doubt they must return again.  
FINIS.   

LONDON'S Printed in the Year 1653. And are to be sold at St. Michiels Church door in Corn hill.