THE GOSSIP'S FEAST OR, MORAL TALES TAKING A view of things past, discoursing of things present, and conjecturing of things to come.  
By a well known modern Author.  
LONDON: Printed Anno Domini, 1647.   

To the Reader,  
Courteous and mild,  
THough this be the last of Ages (in most men's judgement) yet all men must conceive that is the first, of Ages, that after so many pens were employed, to so little purpose, and so many Pamphlets published, to so little Edification, I have adventured to thrust in among the crowd, and publish myself in Print, as well as others, lest I should be rebuked of some, who would esteem me proud and scornful, and an affector of singularity, if I gave not the world cause, to laugh at me as well as themselves, 'tis truth, I have written something heretofore, very well taken for the general, but never in this kind; and therefore I have some reason to appollogize for myself. First, I entreat the Reader not to blame the contecture of my Piece because thou understandest it not, nor when thou hast sound my meaning to be to rash in thy censure, for I writ not of spleen, neither shalt thou find any more Sattynck expressions in this Book, than such as if thou be queasy stomached thou mayest easily digest, for my method I need not I suppose explain myself, I am not alone Homer, by the mouth of a frog relates his mind, and Virgil will have a Gnat to tell his story, if my language be not sufficiently refined, I hope the courteous will conceive that such plain creatures as these by whom I speak are not studious how to speak quaintly, nor one greatly acquainted with eloquent phrases if thou be'st a Scholar or Gentleman, I humbly take my leave.   

THE GOSSIP'S FEAST, OR, MORAL TALES:  
MOther Bumbers' Daughter, being made acquainted with that blandum mitrerium (as Tresmegitus terms it) and having shot the star of her virginity, and furnished the world with another propagator, the good old woman mother Bumbei one reputed a cunning woman, and to have knowledge in things to come, so ordered that although Godfathers might not be permitted, to take the charge of a child (should the Parents decease) it being impious in that Age & Country wherein she lived, to provide for widows, & Orphans, yet she prevailed to have Goodman Last-Time, and Goodman Wicked-Time to stand as Godfathers, and Gammer Devilish Plot, and Gammer Hate-King to be Godmothers, who that they might not incur the fury of the times, stood mute, and were but dumb witnesses, and so let the Child who was named Rotundus, to confess its own Faith, who being demanded by the Minister, who was called (All-shew) whether he forsook the Devil and all his works, the vain pomp and glory of the world, with all covetous, desires of the flesh so that he would not follow nor be led by them, miraculously and contrary to nature spoke, saying. I am borne, and for this end came I into the world that I might cleave to the Devil and be an Agent with him in all his works to affect the pomp and glory of the world with covetous desires of the flesh, for which end I will attempt to extirp Monarchy, and set up Anarchy, to pull down all order, and erect the worst of disorder, to demolish Cities, and destroy Nations, yea even to distur be the whole world; the witnesses and Gossips much affrighted at this prodigy would have been gone, but that mother Bumbey stayed them saying, Trust me my Neighbours this child is born to great and ample fortune, born to be beloved of Neblemen, Gentlemen, & Citizent, who shall so hearken to his allurements, that to shield him securely, they shall forge their own safety, and by his persuasions shall be stirred up to attempt that which shall prove fatal unto them. Come my good neighbours, let us home, I have already prepared an hogshead of nappy. Ale, with a Gammon of Bacon, & other good accoutrements, which to day we'll make merry with: this motion ●iked the whole crew, and now the Godfathers and Godmothers accompanied with two other old crones mother Coutie Legs, and mother Crumble tart, and froppish old shrews each of them greatly delighting to tell old Stories, down in the days of yore, and you know well that it often happeneth that those Stories which such relate though the are true in part, yet it is their manner, either to add or diminish, according to their own fancy, and infinitely to falfisie the truth; these Gossips having fated themselves sufficiently with meat and waxing something warm with ale, Mother Bumbey motioned that each Gossip should sing a catch, but Gammer Grumble replied, they in doing so, should lose much time, which they might thriftily employ in tippling, no, said Gammer Gouty Legs. my gossip Bumbey hath made even a very good motion mirth is the best spice for Ale in my mind, every one her song, Mother Bumbey do you begin; Mother Bumbey replied, it is an old Ballad which I have heard my mother often sing in the winter nights by the fire side; she was a good old woman, and well beloved of her Neighbours, though I say't that should not; but this was her Song.  

THere was a King in's Cradle crowned,  
That ruled Great Britain with his power,  
Was for his puissance Renowned,  
Who kept Mars prisoner in his Tower;  
He had the happy Fate  
To live in quiet state  
Surrendering of his Crown in peace,  
Leaving to his Son  
What himself had won  
Whose Fame did more and more increase.   

But the Fates were angry at his bliss,  
And did conspire to work him woe,  
The best of all the virtues his,  
Which after wrought his overthrow;  
What he did for the best,  
Did turn to his unrest,  
And wrought the fall of many Peers,  
Each his Neighbour slew  
But the reason no man knew  
Why they should thus cause each others fears.   

Like a tall Stag the King doth fly,  
The noblest of them heard him near,  
The Hounds pursued him with a cry  
Hoping ere long his Hide to tear;  
Yet sometimes he made head,  
Nor would be worried,  
But laid his Foes oft on the ground;  
Yet at length for want of care,  
Was taken in the snare,  
And for his faults put in the Pound.   

His Train dispersed he left alone,  
None suffered near him to abide,  
But such as could add to his moan,  
And guilty were of Patricide,  
There to himself he wailed  
That sin had so prevailed,  
With watery eyes, these words he said  
Had I ne'er given consent  
To a threefold Parliament  
I had not now in hands been laid.   

When lo assistance from above,  
Even those who erst had sought his ill,  
Had their hate converted into love,  
And vowed his wishes to fulfil  
An Army strong and brave  
That before did nothing crave  
But ways to pull down Monarchy,  
On the sudden altered were,  
Resolved his throne to rear  
Above his famoas Ancestry.   

And now sit still, and blow the fire,  
Great Charles, let parties parties quell,  
Riding on both gain thy desire,  
And then buy those that did thee sell;  
The Fates are just,  
And Jove I trust  
Will state thee as thou wert before:  
Then will we sing,  
Long live the King,  
And send him bliss for evermore.   
The Gossips were well pleased with the contents of this ancient Ballad and Gammer Gouty Legs replied, by my faith Martin Parker never got a faster Brat, no, not when he penned that sweet Ballad, When the King enjoys his own again.  
Quoth Gammer Grumble, nay mother Bumbey, let's now have your tale too, each of us will do the like every one of us shall sing a song and tell a tale, and so we will drive away the tedious night; but first stir up the fire, and let us have the other pitcher of Ale Mother Bumbey replied my good neighbour, in my mind your council is good and seasonable I will rehearse unto you an ancient tale which I have often heard, Mother Hookenose my Mother's mate, repeat.  
There is an Island in the world, which is wholly surrounded with the Sea, at first inhabited with Giants, afterwards certain Outlaws exploring about the world for shelter, landing there, and finding the Soil fat, and the Climate temperate, resolved to make their abode there, and in divers conflicts discomfited the Giants, and their Prince began to sway with regal power; after they mightily increased, and became very numerous, and were subject under many famous Kings, their neighbours the Picts or Scots and unfaithful, or perjured generation on all occasions took opportunity to invade them, & often made incursions and inroads, but it so happened after the death of a Maiden Queen the daughter of one of their magnificent Kings, they with one consent, chose a King of the Picts or Scots to be their King, partly for that it was his by succession, partly in hope to prevent future wars and with an intent to unite the two Kingdoms; but after his death, his son a virtuous and mild Prince, began to reign, at what time it happened, that the Almighty wrath with the people of that Land for their crying sins▪ called a fury to him (named Contention) and gave her Commission to use all means and practise all ways, to dissolve and break the peace of that people, & to make them as throughly wretched and miserable as they were before glorious and potent; the Fury▪ according to her command at her arrival so wrought and tempered the minds of some of the chief of that Ille, that they began to grudge at their own welfare; and therefore now they would be no longer contentd to continue in the state they were; but would first after their government; Secondly, limit Kingly power; Thirdly, have no Uniformity in God's Worship: the Prince of this People perceiving what Contention had done, & that his people daily made head against him, giving out dangerous speeches, and threats, he being then in his Palace situated in the chief City of his Land called Cleapolas, with some few of his loyal Subjects, who could not be drawn to take part against him, fled away to the further part of his Kingdom there to arm his faithful Subjects against those, who had put on Armour against him erected his Royal Standard, to which resorted many thousands of his people many noble Peers, valiant Knights and gallant spirited Gentlemen, so that he had gathered a strong and resolved Army, with which he often encountted his Enemies, slaying thousands of them, and oncr brought them so low, that they would have made peace with him on reasonable conditions; but after, through the negligence of his Commanders who gave their minds more to enrich themselves with plunder then to do him service, to serve in the wars of Venus, than those of Mars, he was on a sudden vanquished and then being plunged in a Sea of misery, he hazarded his Royal Person, and then with two or three of his most trusty friends took his flight to the Picts, of whom he was first royally entertained, and his friends had fair hopes that that Nation would then by preserving his person, have wiped away the stain wherewith they have from the beginning been branded of being disloyal and treacherous; but their entertainment was only such as an Innkeeper affordeth his Guest to make the best of him O disloyal traitors, till they had made their bargain to the utmost, they stood on terms capittulating about his honour and safety; but when they were assured of their vast sums, they sold him into their hands, who persecuted him: the consideration of so vile an act made many hearts ready to break, and moved an odd fellow to write this Poem, which he called  

The Scottish Treachery.  
HA'! can the Scots be so perfidious found,  
(What doubt I it) their best of deeds were crowned,  
Even (ab origine) with horrid Treason,  
And can they now be loyal out of season;  
Nature foresaw the baseness of their stem,  
And scorns that they should touch her garments hem:  
And that they may as is their merits eat  
She feeds them like to Swine, with Oats, not wheat:  
Were judas now alive he sooner might  
Lay hold on mercy, be a Convertite,  
Then find a tree, bought with his ill bought pelf,  
Where he might mock his woe, and hang himself.  
Brethren hereafter we'll your march forestall,  
And stop your passage with an Adrian wall:  
You have done well; wondrous well I vow,  
Your utmost praises I'll to you allow:  
You forced Newcastle, which affords this sense,  
Desperate Traitors, fight with confidence:  
Two hundred thousand pound; why! such a sum,  
would make men march, without or Fife or Drum,  
Even in the face of death, (it was the Gold)  
Made you defend the Cause, (your zeal was cold)  
As is your Horizon, what was there none  
That you might practise your black Ills upon,  
But even your Sovereign (O unhospitable)  
Your Lands a Den, like Diomedes stable,  
Or like Avernus' Lake leading to Hell,  
It ruins all approach it; what to sell  
Your King for money (O perfidious Act)  
Demosthenes could not excuse the Fact,  
Can I work your conversion by my rhyme,  
Yea great in ills, could that excuse your crime,  
All true hearts will the ancient phrase renew,  
I hate him, as a Scotchman or a Jew,  
Neptune, that he Almighty jove may please,  
Will swallow up your ships, that scour his Seas,  
Or if they arrive on any foreign Coast,  
Your hungry expectation will be lost.  
The Seithians will refuse to have to do  
With any men, so treacherous as you,  
And for the time to come, ye lousy Elves,  
You shall but be a burden to yourselves:  
And when your bodies, as your names shall rot,  
Amongst the damned, you shall have your lot.   
These Verses (qd. she) I learned by heart, after I had once heard them repeated, & I dare say Gossip Grumble, I have repeated them word for word, according to the Author's intention, who had a name amongst those they call Poets, a merry man he was, and could write the finest Songs of Mercury Merciful, Jove Jobs Son, and of June Joan his wife, come Gammer Grumble, let's have your Song and Tale now; then Gammer Grumble having taken a hearty draught of Ale began to sing,  

When as the chiefst of things were in handling,  
Order and Discipline pulled to the ground,  
And base Hypocrisy Rebellion dandling,  
Fools walking at large, wise men in the pound:  
When as Toads flew, and Eagles did crawl,  
Lo a hand was put forth  
For to save those of worth,  
Hell skreikt,  
Knaves squeikt  
Fearing to fall.  
When most men heard their meat would but bane them,  
And their own hands wound them to death;  
When as their trusties in a net had ta'en them,  
And those sought their ruin to whom they gave breath,  
Then at that time when succour was scant,  
He that they relied on,  
Those they did confide on  
And thought to have wrought the ends by,  
Failed them  
Assailed them  
The truth for to try.  
And now the Committee merry-arses makes buttons,  
And the Excize men began for to hid,  
The City Churls and paunch bellied gluttons,  
Gins for to pause where they may reside,  
Free from the Ills are likely to fall,  
The Tubists are hoarse  
And forget to discourse,  
The Sisters are silent, and wished  
They near  
While year  
Had preached at all.  
Time-serving Priests that in Pulpits reviled,  
And dared to abuse their Sovereign Lord,  
Now with themselves to him reconciled,  
Altering their Orisons with one accord,  
Cheapside Cross was seen  
Where before it had been,  
Charingcross was in hope  
Without leave of the Pope,  
For to be new erected,  
Most men  
Hoped then  
To have the old way again.   
Ha! ha'! quoth mother Gouty Legs, here was a Song indeed, Gammer Scrumble I thought your memory had not harboured so fine a Song, come, let's hear your Tale Gammer Scrumble, than began her Tale, and said: In a certain Kingdom, I wots not well where, there lived a King peaceable and virtuous, I know not how it was, but so it was, that the King was persecuted by his Subjects, because he would not alter those laws, which he was sworn to maintain, he was unwilling to be perjured, and also not altogether willing to sit still and hear himself reviled, and to behold his friends imprisoned and massacred: he therefore raised so many as he could of his faithful Subjects, and often resisted his Enemies: but it so happened, for so providence would have it, that at last he was overcome by his Enemies, his friends slain & dispersed and himself taken prisoner, and laid in bonds: but it so fell out, during his imprisonment, that that Army of his Enemies who had before fought against him, fell at variance with the chiefest of those that had employed them, their Consciences also smitten with remorse to behold their Sovereign's desplicable estate, so that they resolved to set him at liberty, and to call those to an account who had primarily opposed him, their General a most noble and valiant Knight, liked well of their intentions, and resolved to countenance them, licensing a chosen party to march to the place where the King was imprisoned, and as a freed man, and their Prince to wait on him, from thence to the Army: this was performed with much celerity and magnanimity, and the King brought into the Army, of whom he was entertained as the Ark God was by the Israelites, with shouting and rejoicing; with this Army for a time he resided magnificiently waited on, in the mean time, those that first raised these Troops, with all speed began to list men, and to raise a second Army to oppose and master their first. Hold there qd. Gammer Gouty Legs, you are mistaken in the Story, the major part I confess to be true, but in the sequel you are apt to err, and therefore I shall relate it for you; withal my heart qd. Gammer Grumble, for my memory is very frail: well quoth Mother Bumbey let it be so; but first Gammer Gouty legs let's hear your Song, and then the residue of the story afterwards. willingly quoth Gammer Gouty legs, and then began to sing, Sir john Lovelesse his Althaea.  

What madness was it did possess,  
Your minds you faithless crew.  
That you to far durst to transgress,  
From what Gods word doth show.  
And under Reformations Cloak,  
To act the worst of crimes.  
While God and Man's Law both were broke,  
O dreary doleful times.   

A pen made of a Raven's quill,  
He must have sing our story.  
And publish as good a will,  
As you the Directory.  
It will the ample theme afford  
To write in prose or verse,  
To it Grim Pluto will accord  
Your Facts for to rehearse.   

Where is now all the seeming good  
We once thought to attain,  
Purchased with our coin and blood  
Against our Sovereign.  
Where's the reforming once we hoped,  
where's now our glorious King?  
These Apples from the bows are dropped,  
'twas an untimely Spring.   

Where is our goods and plate become  
Lent on the public Faith,  
Whers now the Freedom we have ween,  
'tis as Tom-Telltroth saith.  
Our goods and plate those do possess,  
Whom Fools we did intrust.  
To help us who mean nothing less,  
Our Punishment is Iust.   

Our Reformation is no more,  
But Deformation plain.  
In fight for the truth before,  
We fought for others gain.  
And when the Common Prayer went hence,  
Or Common Freedoms all.  
Were abrogated all with presence,  
Of ridding us from thrall.  
Freemen enslaved are by those,  
Whose Crimes deserve that they.  
Should lodge where others obey dispose,  
In want to pine away.  
Nor Law nor justice now is Free,  
A few do all Engross.  
And in this strange Calamity,  
Weer forced to live by loss.   
By the faith of my body, quoth M. Bumbey this song pleases me well, it shall cost me a fall but I will learn it, come now let us hear the rest of the tale which Gammer Grumble left untold, why thus it was saith Gammer Gouty Legs, the King having his Enemies thus miraculously turned to his friends not a little rejoiced as did they who suffered for him, and went now in hope to triumph with him, but the Noble General, with the assent of his chief Officers, and the soldiery in general, not without mature deliberation considering that he, and they were obliged in duty to God, and love to their Country ere they disbanded to see the true worship of God established, and the Peace of their Country settled, unanimonsly agreed— there Gammer Gouty Legs was at a stand at which M. Bumbey, and the rest laughed, but it being so that none there could supply the Story, the old wives began to talk less and tipple more, drinking healths to their old sweethearts, than quoth Gammer Grumble M. Bumbey you can recover goods that are Stolen, and the loser's, who were the thiefs, you are called a cunning woman, and have skill in things to come what do you conjecture will be the Ishue of these things now in Agitation in that I'll before we speak of, then M. Bumbey turning about three times, and writhing her mouth at one inspired said.  

Harken old Maulkins unto me,  
I'll tell you what shall after be.  
Set yourselves round as in a ring,  
In the midst I'll stand and sing.  
Where those that have men's faith deluded,  
Shall be quite from charge excluded.  
When some their error shall perceive,  
And that they were deluded grieve.  
And strive (the head) with all their force  
To join unto the headless corpse,  
And those whom late they did exile  
Cause to return into the Isle;  
And after all their Warlike toil  
Shall wear no swords without a foil,  
Abjuring all they did before  
When they paid Bonney Jockeiss score.  
A peace may chance be then agreed,  
And many joyous days succeed.   
By that time she had said these lines, the rest of the Gossips were all asleep, which she perceiving, set herself down in her Chair, and slept for company, where I leave them.  
FINIS.