GRADUS SIMEONIS: OR, THE FIRST-FRVITS OF PHILIP, Earl of Pembroke and Montgomery, etc. [SOMETIMES] KNIGHT of the GARTER: And [NOW] KNIGHT of BERK-SHIRE.  
PRESENTED In a learned Speech upon the Day of his Ascending down into the Lower HOUSE of COMMONS.  
A●rill 24 1649 1649in the first year of the Lords' Freedom.   

Gradus Simeonis, etc.  
MAster Speaker, and worthy Fellow-Members, I am now advanced into the Lower House; and am glad I can say unto you (as sometimes did another Worthy of this House) BEHOLD YOUR KNIGHT. I am not ashamed to be a Knight; my Father was a Knight before me: and why may not a man be a Knight after he is a Lord, as well as before? I am the first Knight that ever You made; Who should make Knights but you that have the Sword? I am a Knight of your making, and I hope I am a Knight of Gods making. I was borne a Knight, and now I am chosen a Knight; why should we not be twice Knights, as well as twice Children? The Presbyterian Parliament made me a Knight Errand; I was than a Knight of All Shires. I think They were the greater Levellers; for they brought me down to be a Spaniel or Packhorse: they could found no use for me but to Fetch and Carry. I had Hobson's choice, either be a Hobson or nothing. I was than a plain ordinary Post, but I thank God you have made me a Knight o'th' Post.  
Mr. Speaker, I have been Knight o'th' Bath, & Knight o'th' G●●ter, and all manner of Knights; I have been dubbed so often, that I am now feign to wear a Periwig. You may dub me what you will but a Lord Capel; I would be any thing but a Saint or a Martyr.  
Mr. Speaker, I am not very good at Speeches; but I had rather make twenty i'th' Lower House here, than one upon the Scaffold.  
Mr. Speaker, Reformation goes backward, and Crabs go backward, all things go backward, and why should not I go backward? Now is the time o'th' year (you know) for Lobsters. I had rather have gone forward, but we must all go that way the Devil drives. I would still be growing, though it be downwards; why should not old Lords as well as old men be Cow's tails? I was always a Dunce you know; I used to learn my Lessons over again i'th' Hornbook; and why may I not do it so i'th' Herald's book? For a Lord to turn Knight is only to wear his coat the wrong side out. It's a hard world now; Lords may be forced to turn their . Had I not been a Knight, I must have been nothing. I was (I knew) at a loss in my Lordship, and I learned of my hounds to hunt counter, and cast about. Would you not have me (Mr. Speaker) have as much wit as a hound? None took me for a Lord, but only some silly people like myself.  
I am sure on't, I have nothing to show for't but a Star; A Horse for aught I knew was as noble a beast as myself; a Star is but a Star whether it be worn in one's forehead, or upon ones shoulders. If there was an Earl of Pembroke, 'twas my Cloak was guilty, not I I ne'er was so much as a Gentleman but only while I swore. Since I left my Oaths, God confounded me I am no more noble than any Colonel i'th' Army. All my Titles of Honour were but nicknames to me; my long Bill only made me a Woodcock, and now I have a short one, 'twil perhaps make me but an Owl. My name was so long, I had much ado to remember it. What profit do Titles bring in? 'tis a fair deal better I hope to be Knight of a Shire, than a Knight of a Garter; and a Rope with Gregory at it would become me as well (I think) as a Blue Ribbon with a George.  
Mr. Speaker, I have been sick o'th' Nobility ere since my Lord of Holland wore a nightcap. Pray God a man may be a Knight in quiet. I can as well ride with two Horses, as six. I'll go on foot, or any thing, rather than be carted with one.  
God damn me, M. Speaker, I was cursed (I think) to be made an Earl. The Devil did it to have me beheaded; and I had rather be hanged, if I must die; that's a dog's death (M. Speaker) and you know I love Dogs. I would I had been a Brewer, or a Cobbler, or any thing but a Lord.  
M. Speaker, pray move it that Michael Oldsworth may be Earl of Pembroke, I have been Lord long enough a conscience. Michael is a man of understanding; Pembroke and Montgomery may be Welsh for aught I know. He has made me a Knight; and, what can I do less than make him a Lord? He made me a Presbyterian, and he made me a Visitor: and now he has made me as good a Member as himself. He makes my Speeches; and I think I have as good Speeches made for me, as any Lord i'th' Kingdom. He can make me an Independent, or a Leveller, or any thing as occasion serves. God damn me, he is the best maker that ere I had.  
M. Speaker, I was once i'th' Tower, you know, and must have gone to Tower-hill but for him; and what a mad Earl should I have made with my head of? Some say, I am none of the wisest now it's on; I have been alive this seven years, and you know many a wiser man than I hath gone to pot: They talk of the Bishop, and Deputy, but and if they were wise, I thank God I am a fool.  
All Religion is good (Mr. Speaker) and why should not all kinds of Religions be good too? We cannot have too much Religion; and how can we have too many? I loved the Common-Prayer, the Litany served me for swearing. I love Presbytery too; you know that brought the Covenant; and we had no swearing a long while before. I love the Independent too; why should we not have a pack of Religions, as well as a pack of Dogs? I hope both Presbyter and Independent will concur and agreed; a man may be both, I think, as well as either of 'em. I can be any thing, and I can be nothing, in a Parliamentary way. Though I am a poor Christian, I thank God I am a contented one. I can be a Lord when I can; and I can be a Knight when I cannot otherwise choose: I am not such a Fool, but that in these times I can be a Changeling too. Michael Oldsworth will instruct me, and I am not such fool neither, but to do as I am bid. If there should be a King again, I shall, perhaps, be begged for a Fool, but till than I am not such a fool as to be a Beggar. I'll be a Leveller so I may keep my own Estate; We shall not be Levellers I hope (M. Speaker) among ourselves.  
M. Speaker, I think I can Vote as well as any man: though I am a goose I can cackle. Michael Oldsworth and I shall carry it what ere it be; when he opens I shall gape I warrant; and I hope we are enough to set the rest a yawning. I hate division; when I am hunting I love a full cry, I am no straggler; I shall never leave you till you turn me away. I had not left the House of Lords, had it not left being a House of Lords. 'Twas all a poor COBWEB could do, to hung till the House was blown up. Had I hung any longer, I might have been hanged for aught I know. But I can be a Cobweb, Mr. Speaker, i'th' Lower House as well as in the Upper. A Cobweb may be any where but in Westminster-Hall.  
The upper House has been Visited as well as Oxford; there are more Earls of Pembroke (it seems) beside myself. FAUX had like to have blown it up, but hung him Traitor, he would not have done it in a Parliamentary way. IN A PARLIAMENTARY WAY, I say: I'll speak no Treason M. Speaker, that's as bad as flinging Standashes. I could never see Faux his head, God forgive me, but mine ached presently. I do what I can to keep it on; and yet I am afraid one time or other 'twill be lose i'th' hilts. 'Tis a scurvy one, but 'tis better than none. Should I want my Head, how should I do to wear a Periwig? Let 'em take my Arms, so they leave my Head safe. Let 'em take Pembroke and Montgomery, so they leave Philip and Herbert; and let 'em take them too, so they leave Me. I do not stand upon names▪ My good name was gone long ago; and yet I thank God I am a live, and keep Hounds still. One may be a Parliament man I hope without a name; and a Knight without a name.  
I shall do excellent well in a Representative. I know I can sit as like an Image (though I say't Master Speaker) as the best i'th' House. I shall sit still, till you make a new Oath: A fresh Oath M. Speaker in my judgement would do very well; But I would have it contrary to all for only Variety is pleasing to all men.  
And now M. Speaker, that I am speaking of Oaths; I remember when I was sent by your Order to undo the University of Oxford, according to the Duty of my Place, which I hold there as Chancellor; I met with some troublesome Scholars which talked to me of Conscience: They could not swear, and forswear themselves (forsooth) because of Conscience. Their Conscience, they said, would not suffer them.  
M. Speaker, My first Motion therefore to this Honourable House, is, That it may be put to a Vote, Whether or not there be any such thing as Conscience: Or, if there be, that than an Act may be made by this House, that no man may be allowed to keep a good Conscience but the wicked Cavaliers.  
For alas! Mr. Speaker, this Conscience is good for nothing but to make a man a Beggar. Would I have been troubled with it, I had been as poor as any o'th' Kings Lords are now. 'Tis easier keeping two or three packs of Dogs, than one good Conscience, and yet Oatmeal is very dear now God knows.  
Mr. Speaker, I hope 'tis not unlawful to keep Dogs; Keeping Dogs, Mr. Speaker, is no swearing. I love Dogs, and I love the Parliament; I may love Dogs, and yet not love Kings; I must love Dogs now, Mr. Speaker, for else why was I chosen Knight of Bark-shire?   
FINIS.