WIT REVIVED: OR, A New and Excellent way of divertisement, digested into most ingenious QVESTIONS AND ANSWERS.  
By Asdryasdust Tossoffacan.  
LONDON, Printed for the Author, and are to be sold at the Brazen Serpent in Saint Paul's Churchyard. 1656.   

QVESTIONS AND ANSWERS.  
Q. WHat day was that as the like never was before?  
A. The first.  
Q. Whether has a horse or no horse more legs.  
A. No horse: For a horse has four legs, and no horse has more.  
Q. When is a Cow roundest?  
A. When she licks her ireech.  
Q. What's the reason a horse foams so at the mouth?  
A. Because he never spits.  
Q. What is the likest to a cat in a hole?  
A. A cat out of a hole.  
Q. How should one stop three holes with one thing?  
A. By putting one man's nose in another man's—  
Q. Why is a mad man as strong as two men?  
A. Because he's a man beside himself.  
Q. Why is love said to be an ancient family?  
A. Because when Adam and Eve first met, shitten come shites was the beginning of love.  
How many sides hath a man?  
A. Eight: inside, outside, brght side, left side, upper side, lower side, foreside, backside.  
Q. What is the best receipt to make a fat Lady lean?  
A. To keep her eyes open, and her mouth shut.  
Q. Why do the French send Rabbits to their Tables with their feet on?  
A. Because (being a frugal people) they may go the further.  
Q. Why is the afternoon said to be shorter than the forenoon?  
A. Because the Sun goes down the hill.  
Q. Why did Sir Theodore Mayherne die?  
A. Because he could live no longer.  
Q. Why do so many drink Cauphe?  
A. Because 'tis good against a Clap.  
Q. Why is the worst woman in the world good?  
A. Because she's good for something, or good for nothing.  
Q. Why is a broad hat said to be full?  
A. Because 'tis a brimmer.  
Q. Why doth a Fox prey abroad?  
A. Because he hath nothing at home.  
Q. Why is it said that wise men ask more questions than fools?  
A. Because no man is wise without question.  
Q. What may we think on, and yet think on nothing?  
A. women's constancy.  
Q. May we think dooms day to be near, or no?  
A. No: for then there shall hardly be any faith; now there is nothing else.  
Q. What is the difference between a Lord and a meaner man?  
A. A word.  
Q. What may a virtuous plain man say to women having naked breasts?  
A. Shut your shop-windows for shame.  
Q. Who may be thought to smell never well?  
A. They that smell ever well.  
Q. Who may be thought to be no man's friend?  
A. He that is every man's.  
Q. Why is it said 'tis better to have a little wife, than a great wife?  
A. Because of evils the least is to be chosen: Or, it is best to have a wife but little.  
Q. Why is the husband said to wear horns, and not the wife?  
A. Because he is the head.  
Q. Why are there so many Cuckolds?  
A. Because so many marry.  
Q. Why do many Preachers wink when they pray;  
A. Because they would be thought to know the way to heaven so well, that they could find it blindfold.  
Q. Why are some gallants like Philosophers?  
A. Because they carry all their wealth about them.  
Q. Why are some Ladies like unto tame comes?  
A. Because their skins are more worth than their bodies.  
Q. What kind of garment do women most love to wear?  
A. The breeches.  
Q. What kind of book may a man wish his wife were like?  
A. An Almanac; for, so he may have a new one every year.  
Q. Why are there so many poor Physicians?  
A. Because it is a very backward profession.  
Q. Why are Lords and great men beheaded for treason, and meaner men not?  
A. Because they are the more capital offenders.  
Q. Have the Clergy got any advantage by marrying of wives, or no?  
A. No: For they had it in tithes before.  
Q. Why do Ministers and Lawyers talk so loud?  
A. Because they are allowed to talk.  
Q. Why are foolish sermons said to be the most moving?  
A. Because so few will tarry to hear them.  
Q. Why is it said that Epicures and Gluttons are like calves?  
A. Because they have a sweet tooth in their heads.  
Q. How may one call a rich man fool, and not offend him?  
A. By telling him he's one of those whom fortune favours.  
Q. Why is it said, that painted women may be called whores?  
A. Because though there may be no cause, yet there is a great deal of colour for it.  
Q. May not one that is neither virgin, wife, nor widow, call herself a maid?  
A. Yes, forsooth a chamber maid.  
Q Which is the next and surest way to be a Cuckold?  
A. To be jealous.  
Q Why are Lawyers said to be like to brokers?  
A. Because they deal altogether with other men's suits.  
Q. What may be said of a poor-schollars short gown?  
A. That it will be long enough ere he have another.  
Q. Who are these that pocket up most wrongs?  
A. Usurers, Thiefs, Soldiers and Lawyers.  
Q. Why are statesmen said to be like Asses?  
A. Because they have the longest ears of any men.  
Q. What may be said of the worse sort of the Clergy?  
A. Hang up your lights.  
Q. Why were some Ministers so loath to wear a surplice?  
A. Because it did put them in mind of their wife's smock.  
Q. What language is the best to win a widow?  
A. Downright.  
Q. What kind of instrument or weapon is most tossed?  
A. The pot.  
Q. What kind of men stand most upon Terms?  
A. The Lawyers.  
Q. What kind of water is the most deceitful?  
A. women's tears.  
Q. What kind of women need masks the most?  
A. Such as have much ado to avoid being ugly.  
Q. Why are women said to be weaker than men?  
A. Because they are most put to the wall.  
Q. If the husband call his wife whore, how may she answer.  
A. But—  
Q. Why are many young gallants said to be like ferrets?  
A. Because they creep so much into Cony-holes.  
Q. Why were Parsons wives said to be more  for cuckolding, than other women?  
A. Because of their husbands being Non-Resident.  
Q. Why did the Puritans speak through the nose?  
A. Because the high Commissioners had stopped their mouths.  
Q. Why do Lawyers wear round caps, and not square?  
A. Because square-dealing would undo them.  
Q. What is the best sign for a trades man new set up?  
A. A handsome wife.  
Q. Why are Cities and Corporations no better governed?  
A. Because the Magistrates cannot lay their heads together.  
Q. Why are there not women-Lawyers, as well as men?  
A. Because they would lay their cases too open.  
Q. Why did Puritan hate Maypoles?  
A. Because they were things out of their reach.  
Q. Why is Virgo said to govern the bowels and belly?  
A. Because whores and many wives have no government of either.  
Q. What deserves he that promiseth fair, and doth not according?  
A. A Cording.  
Q. What may be said of many gallants and their legs?  
A. That they are to big in the Calf.  
Q. What kind of faces may Scoffers and Critics be said to have?  
A. Mustard.  
Q. May a dog be called Cuckold?  
A. No: For 'tis many a good Christian man's name.  
Q. May a wanton papistical Lady be called a Recusant?  
A. No; but Catholic she may be.  
Q. In what are some Ladies most constant?  
A. In inconstancy.  
Q. Why is marriage called Matrimony?  
A. Because now adays it is made matter of money:  
Q. What makes so many bad wives?  
A. So many good husbands.  
Q. Why are some women more luxurious than beasts?  
A. Because they often couple when they care not to conceive  
Q. Why is it to be doubted few Usurers and Misers go not to heaven?  
A. Because the journey is costly, and they will give nothing.  
Q. Why is it said that women generally are better than men?  
A. Because they cannot be so bad.  
Q. How may a simple scholar be handsomely called a fool?  
A. By saying he is but a scholar.  
Q. What kind of men may be said to give the most credit?  
A. Old men that have handsome young wives.  
Q. What places may be said to be the most obscure and dark?  
A. Politician's bosoms.  
Q. How might a Puritan have been blown out of the parish?  
A. With a pair of Organs.  
Q. What may be said to a corrupt wicked Officer?  
A. O-fy-Sir.  
Q. What sort of men need a good memory most?  
A. Liars.  
Q. Why is a good name said to be so precious?  
A. Because he that has a bad one is half hanged.  
Q. What old saying is that, which women will never believe?  
A. Short and sweet.  
Q. Why are there more women in the world than men?  
A. Because there are more weeds then good herbs.  
Q. May a married man be called Ox, in the presence of his wife?  
A. No: but Ass he may.  
Q. Why were many Courtiers of old thought to be the sons offryars?  
A. Because of their begging.  
Q. What may a petty fellow say to a cruel and corrupt Judge?  
A. That the greater thiefs hang up the less.  
Q. What is the worst, and yet the dearest commodity in the Kingdom?  
A. Lawyer's tongues.  
Q. What kind of men are we most to fear?  
A. Men that have red coats or pale faces.  
Q. What good Deeds do Usurers love most?  
A. Sealed and delivered.  
Q. Who may be said to be the greatest casuists in the nation?  
A. Lawyers.  
Q. Whether is common-wolfe or commonwealth the better name for England?  
A. Commonwealth.  
Q. If all men be worms, what are gallants?  
A. Silkworms.  
Q. What is the best dance for Committee-men?  
A. The brawls.  
Q. Why do many gallants hear a din no better?  
A. Because they have locks at their ears.  
Q. Why are thiefs said tody like swans?  
A. Because they sing a little before.  
Q. When may we think a woman to be past all recovery?  
A. When she is speechless.  
Q. What is the difference between a wives being got with child by her husband, and by another man?  
A. Conceiving and misconceiving.  
Q. Why do not women solicit Law-suites as well as men?  
A. Because if they should make their cases too plain, no body would meddle with them.  
Q. Why do some women love honesty better than men?  
A. Because when they are down themselves, they would have men upright.  
Q. If one have an ill wife, whose name is Mary, may he call her dear Malipiero?  
A. He may: For dear Malipiero is as much as to say costly ill.  
Q. Why are most women said to be stony hearted?  
A. Because they love stones hearty.  
Q. Why is it said that women do love fish better than flesh?  
A. Because they do affect and desire Place above all things.  
Q. Why are women said to be too hard for men at Irish?  
A. Because they are better at bearing.  
Q. Why are painted women not to be trusted?  
A. Because they have two faces under a hood.  
Q. Why are women not like to good wine?  
A. Because they have need of a bush.  
Q. Why are crooked men most unfit to be stewards?  
A. Because they will never be able to set all things straight.  
Q. What may be said of women that marry very young?  
A. That they begin to take upon them betimes.  
Q. Why do not some Lady's care for plain dealing?  
A. Because they had rather be overreached.  
Why are sooth sayers no better to be believed?  
A. Because so few of them say sooth.  
Q. What is the worst thing that is for a man to lend his ear unto?  
A. Pillory.  
Q. What is the best receipt to take away the sent of garlic?  
A. Go-looke.  
Q. Why is it said, 'tis better to have a little wit, than a great wit?  
A. Because, non est magnum ingenium, sine aliquâ dementiâ.  
Q. Why is it said, 'tis better to marry a widow then a maid?  
A. Causa patet.  
Q. Why are not married men to grieve when their wives make them Cuckolds?  
A. Because, solamen miseris socios—  
Q. Why is it said that little heads have more with then great heads?  
A. Because, omne majus continet in se minus.  
Q. Why is time said to be so precious?  
A. Because omnium rerum est primum.  
Q. Why is it said that Princes are not to grant monopolies of small mattors?  
A. Because, non vacat exiguis rebus adesse Jovi.  
Q. Why are bachelors more happy than married men?  
A. Because, faelix quem faciunt aliorum Cornua, cautum.  
Q. Why are not many gallants noto be believed when they compliment?  
A. Because, ex abundancia cordis, os loquitur.  
Q. Why is it said that fools cannot mend their faults?  
A. Because, dum vitant, in contraria currant.  
Q. Why are Cuckolds said to be like fools?  
A. Because, infinitus est numerus.  
Q. What part of grammar do Ladies like the best?  
A. Propria quaemaribus.  
Q. What two words are those, which set all the world together by the ears?  
A. Meum and Tuum.  
Q. What saying in Scripture do Lawyers like the worst?  
A. Pax vobis.  
Q. What may a Physician say when he is in love?  
A. Hei mihi quod nullis Amor est medicabilis herbis.  
Q. What verse in grammar doth most tax the Clergy?  
A. Bos, fur, sus, atque sacerdos.  
Q. What verse in grammar doth most tax the Lawyers?  
A. Clamour, rixa, joci, mendacia, furta, cachinni.  
Q. If one be uncivilly checked for talking, with the old saying, vir sapit— how may he answer?  
A. Vir loquitur, qui pauca sapit.  
Q. How may a serving man excuse himself, if he let's fall a neat's tongue?  
A. By saying, Non est error mentis.  
Q. Of a Porter that turns Preacher, what may be said?  
A. Qui color albus erat nunc est contrarius albo.  
Q. Why cannot women keep secrets as well as men?  
A. Because they are pleniores rimarum.  
Q. Why is it said, 'tis prodigality, and not liberality to give quickly?  
A. Because, bis dat, qui cito dat.  
Q. Why is the Lie no such affront as it is taken for?  
A. Because, omnis homo mendax.  
Q. How may the proverb of wishers and woulders be neatly expressed in Latin?  
A. o si, o si, otiosi.  
Q. How may they be fitly termed who begin many things, and make no end of any?  
A. Incipientes, insipientes.  
Q. How may a good fellow excuse his frequenting of taverns?  
A. That he doth it to find out the truth: for, in vino veritas.  
Q. How may one address his compliments to his friend, in a neat and covert manner?  
A. Mitto tibi navem prora puppique carentem.  
Q. How may one handsomely crave the hearty affection of his friend?  
A. Da mediam Lunam (C)  quoque (O) & canis iram (R.)  
Q. When would the Devil be a Monk?  
A. When he is sick.  
Q. Is quot capita, tot ingenia, a true saying or no?  
A. No; for many heads have no wit at all.  
Q. What said the schoolboy to Queen Elizabeth, when she asked him how oft he had been whipped?  
A. Infandum, Regina, jubes renovare dolorem.  
Q. What said the Spaniard to the French man, that found a pearl?  
A. Non sum gallus, ideo non reperi—  
Q. Which of the old Romans may be thought to have smelled the best?  
Ans. Publius Ovid Naso.  
Q. Why was Homer said to be a vigilant Poet?  
A. Because he did but aliquando dormire.  
Q. Why is Cicero said to be a notable Bragadochio?  
A. Because he saith— Ego meis majoribus virtute praeluxi.  
Q. What is a fit mot for the two Temples, anciently the houses of the Knights-Templars?  
A. Cedant Arma Togae.  
Q. Why is the middle Temple said to be more virtuous than the Inner?  
A. Because, in medio consistit—  
Q. What had been a more proper Arms for the City of London, than their Dudgeon dagger?  
A. A Cornucopia.  
Q. Why are Eunuches said to grieve more than others?  
A. Because, Ille verè dolet, qui sine Teste dolet.  
Q. Why are wanton women not to be termed light?  
A. Because omne grave deorsum.  
Q. Who is the greatest whore and whoremaster that ever was?  
A. Ceres & Bacchus: Name, sine Cerere & Baccho friget Venus.  
Q. When is a woman to be believed?  
A.— Nè mortuae quidem.  
Q. Why are women said to be more liberal than men?  
A. Because by their good wills, they would have no vacuum.  
Q. Why was Philemon the Translator said to be so troublesome?  
A. Because he would not let Suetonius be Tranquillus.  
Q. What name would exactly fit an honest quiet man, that puts his horns in his pocket?  
A. Cornelius Tacitus.  
Q. What may be said of an Attorney made an Undersheriff?  
A. Corruptio unius est generatio alterius.  
Q. What may be said of Alehouses?  
A. Licentiâ omnes deteriores sumus.  
Q. Why is it said, That all men are or have been mad?  
A. Because, semel insanivimus.  
Q. Why is it better to blow then to dig?  
A. Because, effodiuntur irritamenta.  
Q. Who may most properly be called a miser?  
A. Qui nummos admiratur.  
Q. Why are Usurers said to be very good Christians?  
A. Because, quantum nummorum quisquis habet—  
Q. What may be said of a woman that is young, witty, fair, and honest too? for how can she be fair and honest too?  
A. Rara avis— nigroque simillima—  
Q. Why is it said that the best women are the most contrary to goodness?  
A. Because, bonum, quo communius eo melius.  
Q. Why is it said, That the way to be wise is to drink hard?  
A. Because, faecundi calices quem non—  
Q. Why are books said to be like cheeses?  
A. Because no cheese can please all feeders, nor any book all readers.  
Q. What is the world like?  
A. The stage of a playhouse, and men the actors.  
Q. Why is love said to be like a pair of spectacles?  
A. Because it makes every thing seem bigger and better than it is.  
Q. Why is a true noble mind said to be like the Palm tree?  
A. Because the more it is depressed, the more it strives to mount upward.  
Q. Why is it said that Laws are like unto spider's webs?  
A. Because they catch little flies, and let the great ones escape.  
Q. Who may be said to be the best and truest lovers?  
A. They only who love because they love.  
Q. When is the fittest time for a man to marry?  
A. A young man not yet, an old man not at all.  
Q. Which is the best and speediest way for dispatch of business?  
A. Not to be too hasty.  
Q. What rule or way is that, which whosoever observes, shall never be deceived?  
A. Not to trust.  
Q. What is the best rule or instruction concerning playing and jesting?  
A. Play, but hurt not; jest, but shame not.  
Q. What is the best instruction concerning loving and hating?  
A. So to love as though we were to hate; and hate as if we were to love.  
Q. What is the best instruction concerning learning and living.  
A. So to learn, as if we were to live always; and so to live, as if we were to die to morrow.  
Q. Who may be said to be our best companions?  
A. Good books.  
Q. What two things are those, that put us most in mind of mortality?  
A. Sleep and lust.  
Q. If a man have a wife a little awry, but a very good wife, and be asked why he would choose such a one, how may he answer?  
A. That God had bowed her, and sent her him for a token.  
Q. What is a wise man's discourse to be likened unto?  
A. The opening of a rich cabinet.  
Q. What kind of men are the blindest?  
A. They that can see a moat in other men's eyes, and not a beam in their own.  
Q. Why is it said that the Evening is better than the Morning?  
A. Because it crownes the day.  
Q. Why are covetous and cruel menlikened to Swine?  
A. Because they never do good till they die.  
Q. Why is it said that our life is like an hour glass, and the sand like worldly riches?  
A. Because they run with us for a short time, and then are turned up by another.  
Q. Why is it said that Satirists are like snuffers?  
A. Because they do commonly retain in themselves the filth they find in others.  
Q. How do wise men esteem of language or words?  
A. But as of a dish for to serve up the sense.  
Q. What kind of men are they that are likest and nearest to the divine nature?  
A. They whom reason, not passion moves.  
Q. How may we term the earth in respect of the heavens?  
A. Molehill.  
Q. What kind of men may be said to be the best armed?  
A. The forewarned.  
Q. Why is it said that friends are now adays like leaves of trees?  
A. Because they stick close in summer, but drop off in winter.  
Q. What is the world to a wise man, and to a fool?  
A. A Paradise to the one, and a purgatory to the other.  
Q. What may, be said of carnal and worldly men?  
A. That they make heaven descend to earth.  
Q. What is the greatest unhappiness of Shepherds and husbandmen?  
A. That they know not their own happiness.  
Q. How may we make our riches, good?  
A. By good using of them.  
Q. Who may be said to be the best and greatest conqueror?  
A. He who makes his passions stand bare about him.  
Q. Who may be said to be most truly good?  
A. He that knows why he is so, and loves goodness for itself.  
Q. Why is it said that new friends are like new wines?  
A. Because the hard and harsh are best; the most pleasing are lest lasting.  
Q. What may be said to be our best prospect?  
A. To look inward.  
Q. What is it that is better and quieter to sleep in, than a whole skin?  
A. A good conscience.  
Q. Why have we two eyes, two cares, and but one tongue?  
A. Because we should hear and see much, and say but little.  
Q. Why was the Court of White Hall so called?  
A. Because it should be an example of whiteness and innocency to the whole Nation.  
Q. Which is the best forest to shelter a knave or a great belly in?  
A. Not Ashdowne, nor Sherwood, but London.  
Q. What place in London is that, where all go in with an ill will, and many come out with a worse?  
A. Newgate.  
Q. What street in London doth worst deserve its name.  
A. Cheap.  
Q: When may it be said, 'tis full Moon in Cheapside?  
A. When there is no room empty in the Tavern.  
Q. Which may be said to be the roaring'st place about London?  
A. The Tower.  
Q Which is the sweetest place in London?  
A. Beare-binder-Lane.  
Q. What is Westminster Hall like?  
A. A Butler's box at Christmas.  
Q. Why is there not an Order taken with the boatmen for bawling so loud at westminster in the Term time?  
A. Because the Lawyers are used to it.  
Q. How many hells are there about London?  
A. But one, and that's at Westminster.  
Q. Is there a place there about called heaven?  
A. There is; but it is out of the Hall.  
Q. Which is said to be the sorest place in Southwark?  
A. Saint Thomas Hospital.  
Q. Which is the most dogged place about London?  
A. Paris Garden.  
Q. Which of our Towns may be thought the most dangerous to marry a wife in?  
A. Shrewsbury.  
Q. What Town is the best to bring a shrewd wife to?  
A. Stafford.  
Q. Do Ladies go to the bath chief to see and to be seen?  
A. No; they go also to feel and to be felt.  
Q. What Shire (next to Middlesex) may be thought to have the most Cuckolds?  
A. Buckingham.  
Q. Which of our Counties do women affect most to live in?  
A. Will-shire.  
Q. Why do Oxford and Cambridge agree no better?  
A. Because they are Sisters.  
Q. Why is it said 'tis better to live in the Country, than at London?  
A. Because (God be thanked) there are no such places there as Hid Park and Westminster Hall.  
Q. Why are there Shops in Westminster Hall?  
A. Because a man may have any thing there for money.  
Q. Which are the two richest acres of ground in England?  
A. The Exchequer and the Exchange.  
Q. What Chamber was of old the worst to be made fine in?  
A. The Star.  
Q. May any thing be said of the Chancery, if the Seal should be put to sale?  
A. Yes Chance-awry.  
Q. Why was the Courts of Wards Office so near the Church?  
A. Because the nearer—  
Q. Which of our Courts was most in request?  
A. The Privy-seals.  
Q. Where may a Parrot be fitly placed to cry walk knave walk?  
A. At the Palace-yard in Term time.  
Q. Who is said to have been the greatest Monarch the world ever had?  
A. Adam.  
Q. Who was the first thief that ever was?  
A. Adam, for he robbed God's Orchard.  
Q. Why is it said that man and wife should be like Adam and Eve?  
A. Because he should be all of the world of men to her; she of women to him.  
Q. Why is it said that Adam and Esau were two of the greatest prodig als that ever were?  
A. Because the one sold Paradise for an Apple, the other his Birthright for a mess of broth.  
Q. Who may be said to have had the best and largest bosom?  
A. Abraham.  
Q. Who may be said to have had the most honourable funeral that ever man had?  
A. Moses.  
Q. What was Job 's greatest persecution?  
A. His wise.  
Q. What place was that, where the voice of one creature might pierce all the ears of the world?  
A. The Ark.  
Q. Why is it that Solomon was said to be a very merry man?  
A. Because he wrote five thousand songs.  
Q. Why is Solomon said to be the most uxorious King that ever was?  
A. Because he had seven hundred wives.  
Q. Who was he that danced before he was born?  
A. The Baptist.  
Q. Who was he that made the best, and worst bargain that ever man did?  
A. Judas.  
Q. What may an ignorant historian take the picture in Almanacs for?  
A. Julius Caesar.  
Q. Which of the valiantest Greeks had the foulest name?  
A. A-jax.  
Q Why is it said that wanton wives may be called Diana's?  
A. Because they do Actaeon their husbands.  
Q. Was St Peter ever at Rome, or no?  
A. It is doubted by some, but 'tis certain that Simon was there.  
Q. Why did Hen. 8. cause his Queen Anne Bullen to be beheaded?  
A. Because she beheaded him.  
Q. Which of our Dukes had the sweetest death?  
A. Clarence.  
Q. Which of our ancient Dukes hath been most famous for hospitality?  
A. Duke Humphrey.  
Q. Which of our late Tempor all Lords may be said to be most spiritual?  
A. The Earl of Kent.  
Q. Who did of late make good that saying, to him that hath shall be given?  
A. Selden.  
Q. Why is it said that the meanest man in London may take the wall of the Lord Mayor?  
A. Because of his horse.  
Q. Why did the Bishops of Durham (being the richer henefice) desire to be remov'dto York?  
A. For want of Grace.  
Q. Why is it said that the Bishop of Landaff should be called my Lord Off?  
A. Because the Land is gone.  
Q. Which of our Bishops do not the Presbyters deny to be a good man?  
A. Gloucester.  
Q. Who was the quondam best Cook in England?  
A. The Secretary.  
Q. When did Sir Edward Cook's name best discover his fortune?  
A. When he was old.  
Q. Which of our late Doctors did the worst deserve his name?  
A. Lamb.  
Q. Why was Sir T. Mathewes so great a Courtier of Ladies?  
A. To make good Charity mistaken.  
Q. Did Sir William Pyedie in a fit and seasonable time or no?  
A. He did, for it was at Christmas.  
Q. Which of our English Knights had the best wife that ever man had?  
A. Sir Thomas Overbury.  
Q. How may one whose name is Hill, answer one that saith, H. is no letter?  
A. That it will go— ill with him then.  
Q. Which of our Tailors were the most famous?  
A. The Plaierand the Sculler.  
Q. Who is the most famous Cutpurse of these times?  
A. Mal.  
Q. Who may be thought to have been the greatest wencher of an English man?  
A. Laurence of Lancashire.  
Q. Why was it said, That Sir T. Gardiner was the fittest man to be Recorder of London?  
A. Because no place in the Kingdom was more full of weeds.  
Why is the King of Spain said to be so great a Monarch?  
A. Because he sacks more Cities and Countries than all other Princes.  
Q. What do the Dutch men take death to be?  
A. Not to drink.  
Q. Why are Welsh men said to be without comparison on St David's day?  
A. Because none wear leeks but they.  
Q. What brave English ship was that which made an example of the Dutch?  
A. The Precedent.  
Q. Why do French men wear Rapiers on their bums?  
A. Because English men have so often pricked them behind.  
Q. Who is the second Scipio?  
A. General Blake.  
Q. Why is it said there are more Jews then Christians?  
A. Because so many worship the golden calf.  
Q. Why is it said that of all nations, women cannot endure the Italians?  
A. Because of their Padlocks.  
Q. What place is said to be the worst to learn french in?  
A. The Low Countries.  
Q. What was the greatest cause of the Indians undoing?  
A. Their Gold.  
Q. What is a Welsh man's greatest enemy?  
A. A Mouse.  
Q. Why is it said that Grocers are wiser than other trades men?  
A. Because they can give more reasons for what they do.  
Q. Why are Tinkers said to be such honest men?  
A. Because they cast the wallet of their faults behind them.  
Q. What trades men are they who may most likely be knaves in grain?  
A. milner's, Dyers, Bakers.  
Q. Why is the Clothier's trade such a simple profession?  
A. Because their wits go so much a woolgathering.  
Q. What kind of tradesmen do women like the worst?  
A. Haberdasher's of small Ware.  
Q. Why are smiths said to get their living harder than any men?  
A. Because they have nothing but what they fetch out of the fire.  
Q. Why may Barbers and Excise-men call brothers?  
A. Because they are poalers and pillars.  
Q. Why is a Shoemaker said to be the fittest man to make a Constable?  
A. Because by virtue of his trade, he may set men in the stocks, and ease them at Last.  
Q. Why is it said that three Tailors go to a man?  
A. Because four cannot please some one woman.  
Q. Why is a Sculler better than apaire of Oars?  
A. Because he has no fellow.  
Q. Why are Ostlers said to be honester than Chamberlains?  
A. Because they cousin but horses to their faces, the other men  
Q. What kind of Tradesmen may be said to stand most upon points?  
A. The Taggers.  
Q. Who be they, though never so drunken and foolish, may yet be truly called Grave men?  
A. Sextons.  
Q. Why is it said that watermen may be taken for great Politicians?  
A. Because they row one way, and look another.  
Q. Why do Sailors differ so extremely from other trades men?  
A. Because they are then best pleased when they go most down the wind.  
Q. Why do gardiner's pretend to go before other professions?  
A. Because it was the first man's employment.  
Q. Who are those that are of great and high calling, and yet but of little account?  
A. Vintner's boys and Chamberlains:  
Q. Who be they that may be said to be then best at ease, when they are most troubled with stitches?  
A. Tailors.  
Q. Why is it said we are to be very wary how we deal with Surgeons?  
A. Because we shall be sure to find them very sore men.  
Q. How may one make the wisest man that is, to have arunning head of his own  
A. By breaking it.  
Q. Which is the best way to help on a dull or tired horse?  
A. By holding a bottle of hay upon a stick before his nose that he may strive to overtake it:  
Q. How mayone ride a horse a hundred miles or two without drawing Bit?  
A. With a halter?  
Q. How may one dine in much company, and yet dine alone?  
A. Among strangers.  
Q. How may a scholar study hard, and yet study very little?  
A. Without a cushion.  
Q. How may a white or a grey horse be made dun?  
A. By tiring him.  
Q. What is the best preservative against famine?  
A. By feeding before hand on unsavoury meats.  
Q. How may one of little learning, and less wit, be made Mr of Art?  
A. Without question.  
Q. Which is the safest place to stand in, among unskilful archers?  
A. The mark.  
Q. How may one make a dainty feast of a good horse?  
A. By selling him.  
Q. Why are wise men the greatest liars?  
A. Because children and fools speak truth.  
Q. Why have thiefs more cause to be poets then any men?  
A. Because they have most need of a verse.  
Q. Why are women said to love judiciously and wisely?  
A. Because they do love men more or less according to their good parts.  
Q. Why are few women said to be in love with their own names  
A. Because they would gladly change them at any time for a husband.  
Q. Why are Physicians said to be more unskilful in the constitutions of good men and women then of others?  
A. Because the State allows them only whores and thiefs to practise on.  
Q. Why is it said, it is far better to be a wittol, then jealous?  
A. Because he knows the worst, and is out of fear.  
Q. Why are those tradesmen said to be most kind, who will not trust a friend?  
A. Because they will rather want themselves, then see him a Debtor.  
Q. Why is it said, that all other Artists of the liberal sciences may take place of Physicians?  
A. Because by their professions they are to come behind.  
Q. Why is it said, it is better to have a bad wife, than a good one?  
A. Because she brings repentance, and puts one in mind of hell.  
Q. Why is it said, that thiefs love and confide in their Country more than any men?  
A. Because they dare put themselves upon't though they are hanged for't.  
Q. Why had Christmas-Lords a pre-eminence above other Lords  
A. Because they knew their ends.  
Q. Why is it said that beggars lie in greater state than Princes?  
A. Because they have heaven for their canopy.  
Q. Why are drunkards said to be good Philosophers?  
A. Because they think aright the world runs round.  
Q. Why are women fit for the study of Astronomy than men?  
A. Because they lie more on their backs.  
Q. Why is wealth better than wit?  
A. Because no Poet had ever the luck to be Lord Mayor.  
Q. Why are blind men not to be pitied?  
A. Because there is much more bad to be seen then good.  
Q. Why are women more noble Creatures than Eunuches?  
A. Because the masculine gender is more worthy than the feminine, and the feminine more worthy than the neuter.  
Q. Why is it said, 'tis better to have a bad father then a good one?  
A. Because, happy is the son whose father goes—  
Q. Why is it said, 'tis better to be a dwarf then a proper man?  
A. Because the properer man the worse luck.  
Q. What is a woman's best elaquence?  
A. Her beauty.  
Q. Which is the best part of a maid?  
A. Her Head.  
Q. What is that which the heavier it is, it makes a man the lighter?  
A. A Purse.  
Q. What are poor Tenants best orators to their greedy Landlords?  
A. Bottles and Baskets.  
Q. What kind of meat is that which is always in season?  
A. Powdered.  
Q. What kind of men may be thought to be the most dogged?  
A. Huntsmen.  
Q. What creature is the greatest traveller next to a man?  
A. A Louse.  
Q. Were there no boats, how should one go over the Thames, if London bridge were away?  
A. Foreright.  
Q. Whatkind of house may we soon find out with following our nose?  
A. That called the Commons.  
Q. What makes Lawyers and Guild Hall Clerks so fine?  
A. Other men's suits.  
Q. What is the fittest inscription for a house of Offi—  
A. Here are f.— to be let.  
Q. Which is the highest Church in all London, next to St Paul's?  
A. St Gregory's.  
Q. What kind of women may most truly be said to have masks of their own?  
A. The fowl.  
Q. Where doth Luke Harunny hold forth?  
A. At the three Cranes.  
Q. What place is the worst to give the lie in?  
A. The throat.  
Q. How do young men and women love one another?  
A. Like any thing.  
Q. What kind of men are most troubled with bad livers?  
A. The married.  
Q. How deserves he to be called, who in a Tavern calls for a Gill of wine, and no more?  
A. Jack.  
Q. What kind of fruit is never out of request?  
A. Lemons.  
Q Which may be said to be the merriest T●r●ne of the four?  
A. Hillary.  
Q. If a woman have had five husbands, and reckon them upon her fingers, what may be said of her  
A. That she has made a hand of them all.  
Q. If a rich widow should boast that she has overcome a Gentleman in a Law suit: how may he answer?  
A. That he took a wrong Sow by the ear.  
Q. If one be asked what he will take to have a good blow given him on the ear?  
A. A head-piece.  
Q. If a miser offer a Gentleman to drink, and say (and that very truly) that his beer is dead, how may be reply?  
A. Not unlikely; for it has been very weak a great while.  
Q. If one chance to be drowned, may we say he's gone the way of all flesh?  
A. No but of fish we may.  
Q. If a man be derided for having but one spur when he rides, how may he reply?  
A. That if the one side of his horse go on, the other will not tarry behind.  
Q. How did the Gentleman answer his Lady, that at supper, bid him give her a flap of the coney?  
A. Not before all this company.  
Q. If a Gent. be threatened by a Citizen, may he retaliate with the preverb of a cursed Cow?  
A. No; for his wife will take care—  
Q. What said the Country fellow to an astronomer, who as he was taking the height of a star with his Jacob's staff, and a meteor fell down?  
A. Well shot i'faith.  
Q. If a Cobbler dispute with a Curate, and be too hard for him, what may one say?  
A. That it is great pity they had not been both Cobblers.  
Q. What said the Shepherd leading home his wife from the alehouse, when he met his fellow Shepherd?  
A. Hanc, etiam vix, Tityrus, du●o.  
Q. If an old man marry a young Lady, what may he say the next morning?  
A. Non omnia possumus omnes.  
Q. Why is it said that a son may have too much of his father's blessings?  
A. Because, omne nimium vertitur.  
Q. What is the best liquor for a Lawyer?  
A. Aurum potabile.  
Q. Why is a rich covetous man said to be the poorest man that is?  
A. Quia semper egit.  
Q. What may be said of the fairest woman that is when in her grave?  
A. Non redoler, sed olet.  
Q. Why is it said, 'tis better to be a fool then a wise man?  
A. Because, fortuna favet—  
Q. What man may be said to have least need of weapons?  
A. Integer vitae, scelerisque purus—  
Q. Why are fools said to be numberless?  
A. Because,— plena sunt omnia.  
Q. Why are Ladies said to have a princelike, or majestical will?  
A. Because, stat pro ratione-  
Q. Why is it said to be good policy to fall out with the mistress?  
A. Because, amantium irae—  
Q. Why is it said, the Universities did commend the Lawyer, when they meant to jeer him?  
A. Because they called him ignoramus.  
Q. What part or rule of Grammar is of most use?  
A. Faemineo generi tribuuntur Propria quae maribus.  
Q. Why is it said, that a man that is drunk is not fit to marry?  
A. Because he cannot uxorem ducere.  
Q. Why is it said, that Ovid was the greatest blasphemer of women that ever was?  
A. Because he said, Casta est quam nemo.  
Q. Which was the worst piece of an honest poor man?  
A. Noverint universi—  
Q. What may a Gent. say to his neighbour when he comes home with empty pockets from the Term?  
A. Ad concilium nè accesseris antequàm—  
Q. Why are we not to talk much with wise men?  
A. Because, verbumsapienti—  
Q. How may a learned man be rightly termed?  
A. A walking Library.  
Q. Who may be said to be truly in debt?  
A. He that means to pay.  
Q. What fair is that which is said to last all the year?  
A. A married man's.  
Q. How may we rightly term good husbands and good wives?  
A. Hermaphrodites.  
Q. What was the first sport or game that ever was played at?  
A. Child-getting.  
Q. How many days are there in a year?  
A. Seven.  
Q. What is the difference between a rich Usurer, and a rich man that is no Usurer?  
A. Six per Cent.  
Q. How may this our age be rightly termed?  
A. The Golden.  
Q. Why are good women like a lottery?  
A. Because there is many a blank for one prize.  
Q. Why are widows like cancelled bonds?  
A. Because they have been sealed and delivered, and are out of date.  
Q. Why do so many desire to rise by the Law?  
A. Because 'tis death to fall by it.  
Q. Which is the worst way for a man to make himself a fool?  
A. In print.  
Q. What kind of pictures are in most request?  
A. Those of Kings.  
Q. What kind of fruit is said to be the sweetest?  
A. Stolen.  
Q. Why is it said the more crossed the more blest?  
A. Because of money.  
Q. Why do women spit when men talk bawdy?  
A. Because their mouths do water.  
Q. What is the prettiest thing for a man to play with?  
A. A fair Lady.  
Q Which is the wantonest part of a woman?  
A. Her eye.  
Q. What is that which makes all women alike?  
A. The Dark.  
Q. How may a man rightly term his wife?  
A. His adopted self.  
Q. How is a very woman said to love?  
A. Not the man but the best of him.  
Q. Why are some gallants said to be like Cinnamon?  
A. Because the bark is better than the body.  
Q. Why are complemental Courtiers said to be like Grubstreet pamphlets?  
A. Because they promise great matters, & perform just nothing.  
Q. What kind of sickness are women most subject to?  
A. The Falling.  
Q. What kind of Jointures do Ladies like the best?  
A. Body to Body.  
Q. What kind of men may be termed the most saucy?  
A. Cooks.  
Q. Why is marriage called a yoke?  
A. Because many men are like Oxen.  
Q. Why is it said that Usurers may be thought to be very honest men?  
A. Because they stand so much upon conditions.  
Q. What is thought to be the greatest dishonesty?  
A. Poverty.  
Q. Why is it said, that long lying in is a most dangerous and vicious quality?  
A. Because he must rise betimes who wou●d cozen the Devil.  
Q. W●●t is the difference between a rich glutton and a covetous man?  
A. The one puts his money in his belly, the other his belly in his purse.  
Q. What may be said of one that is overcome with passion?  
A. That he is dry drunk.  
Q. What four words are those which are said to be of one signification?  
A. Poets, Travellers, Liars, and Lovers.  
Q Why is it said that fools are not to be accounted on?  
A. Because they cannot be counted.  
Q. Wherefore doth a man cry Atkins when he lets a fart?  
A. Because it is an anagram for a stink.  
Q. Wherefore do Anabaptists hate steeple-houses?  
A. Because they dread the rope  
Q. What may a cunning barber be aptly called?  
A. A notable shaver.  
Q. Why is it generally said that wool is the most warmest?  
A. Because it is spelt all with double letters.  
Q. Why doth a dog turn round so often before he lies down?  
A. Because he goes about to lie down.  
Q. Why are prisoners said to be good fencers?  
A. Because they keep their ward.  
Q. Why are poor men said to be most healthy.  
A. Because they seldom keep their beds.  
Q. Of all men which are the best Heralds?  
A. Welsh men, for they speak pedigrees naturally.  
Q. Why may a serving man be said to be always drunk?  
A. Because he is not his own man.  
Q. What knaves are the boldest?  
A. Ostlers; for behind your back, they'll cheat your horse to his face.  
Q. What men are best meat?  
A. Saylors, for they live in pickle.  
Q. What fish are most delightful?  
A. Maids.  
Q. Why do pick pockets go to Bridewell so often?  
A. Because they get money by it.  
Q. How do Lawyers come to be famous?  
A. By reports.  
Q. By what measure do women desire to trade?  
A. The yard.  
A. Why did Lilburne leave his boiling soap?  
A. Because he found himself in the suds.  
Q. Of Chirurgeons which hath the best cunning?  
A: He that lets blood in the purse.  
Q. What may a Baker wish he never had?  
A. His ears.  
Q. What fruit rots alive?  
A. Open Arses.  
Q. What tradesmen never trust?  
A. Pick pockets.  
Q. Who is he draws liquor of life?  
A. The Hangman.  
Q. Where would a woman have her husband lie, than in the stocks?  
A. In a hole.  
Q. What creature bears best?  
A. Asses and Women.  
Q. Why are women the weaker vessels?  
A. Because they are soon cracked.  
Q. What piece carries farthest?  
A. A piece of meat.  
Q. What men have best soles?  
A. Cobblers.  
Q. To whom do blades repair often?  
A. To Cutlers.  
Q. What birds have longest bills?  
A. Tailors.  
Q. What trades men are longest lived?  
A. Shoemakers, for they live at last?  
Q. What men live like horses?  
A. Tapsters, for they are always a drawing.  
Q. What's the worst part of a liars?  
A. His conditions.  
Q. What made Diogenes seek honest men at night?  
A. His Lantern.  
Q. Why is it not good to eat honey with a Bear?  
A. Because he will have the greatest share.  
Q. Why is it so impossible to ravish some lasses?  
Because they are willing.  
Q. Were there ever more watches?  
A. No, nor time worse spent.  
Q. What makes a woman wise?  
A. A house well furnished.  
Q. Of what sort of men doth Horn Fair chief consist?  
A. Of Citizens.  
FINIS.