Haslerig & Vain Or, A DIALOGUE Between them at their several Conference in the Tower of London, being a Lamentation of both their vile actions which was formerly committed by them, with all their damnable plots, against the late King Charles after their apprehending.  
Together with their contrivance against this famous City of London, and now cursing their miserable condition expecting every day for their Trial.  
By T. H,  
London, Printed for William Gilbertson.   portrait of a man with a walking cane  

A DIALOGUE Between Sir Henry Vain, And Sir Arthur Haslerigge.  Sir Henry Vain, 
SIr Arthur you are welcome.  Haslerigge. 
Not so welcome, for I had rather a gone sick of the Pox to Durham, then have come well hither,  U. 
I. so had I to, but we fulfil now the Old Proverb, needs must go as the Devil drives.  H. 
Then if needs must, I would the Devil had driven me fare enough off before I had come here to be hanged like a Dog.  U. 
What hanged Sir Arthur?  H. 
Why? do you make so strange of it? I knew long ago that would be our end.  U. 
Good, if you had told me so at Portsmouth, I would have seen you damned before you should have drilled me here again but the Proverb still proves sure. give the Devil his due, and to be hanged is ours.  H. 
I but sir Henry, who would have thought of this a twelvemonth a go.  U. 
Thought of it, Faith sir Arthur too many for our sakes as I hear since, for the Devil a one was for us at last, but the Hangman and the Halter.  H. 
I sir Henry, and those stick close to us now.  U. 
Too close I am afraid, for I dreamed to night I was going to ride on a Now Hurdle.  H. 
Did you but dream it? gad I know it, yet they say oftentimes dreams fall out to contraries, but they are more liker to prove true now.  U. 
Why do you think so sir Arthur?  H. 
Think so. The very boys in the streets give sentence on us already.  U. 
Why do all people hate us so, worse than T●ade?  H. 
I'll tell you, The Devil was ne'er again us more.  U. 
No, because he was always for us, till now at last that he brought us here, and now he leaves us to shift for ourselves.  H. 
I sir Henry, but that's a sorry shift now. he could bring us in, but he cannot bring us out, we have stronger Gates to pull down now then we had about the City, though we ventured our necks for't,  U. 
A venture do you call it, venture comes of with hazard, but we are not like to come off at all.  H. 
So, so, Now you begin to lay all the fault in me.  U. 
Lay all the faued in you was it not long of your h●ir-brain with a horsepox to you that wrought all the Calamities when you quarreled with Lambert. that Cutthroat Hannibal which was always for his own ends, as well as we were. I would have given him one thousand pound more surely to be quiet, though I had took if from the Widows and the Fatherless, but betw'xt you both, he after Authority and you after Money, the Devil give ye enough brought all these sorrows: We that were counted the SuPreem Authority and chief of the Nations, are now scoffed, scorned and derided by all good and sober-minded people, bearing our deserved Names worse than Infidels, and tendered as odious as our actions are infamous and that's base enough of all conscience, and all our horrid Uillanies dash in our Faces every day, termed Rumpers. Hypocrites, and Hannibal's, while we are tied here by the necks like wolus in Chains, enough to vex any Dog alive.  H. 
Come come sir Henry be not so wrathful and outrageous, you and I have gone hand in hand these many years, under (the good Old Cause) in Fraud, Deceit and Perjury, like two Olive Branches, spreading our Vines and Claws on any good and honest man's estate, and venter's our souls for't as few as any two alive, and lived together as two friends in a just and Lagall, Reprobate condition therefore pray fall not out with me now at the last cast, but be patiented and content.  U. 
P●tient and content sir Arthur. th●t I cannot be so long as I am alive, and that will not be long I am sure,  H, 
Well come sir Henry let's take a turn or two and walk a little,  U. 
A turn sir Arthur we shall take our turns too soon I am afraid,  H. 
Afraid sir Henry, I was never afraid in my life, neither of soul nor body, for if I. had I'd ne'er done what I did.  U. 
The Devil was in us when we left Portsmouth, for had we stayed there we had done as good mischief as we did here.  H. 
I but sir Henry I did always yaune after Authority you know, that by my consent I'd have nothing done in heaven or in hell, but that I would know of it.  U. 
I but sir Arthur how did you intent to Govern had you sat upon your Throne of wickedness?  H. 
O very well for I would have tolerated all sorts of Religion, had there been sixteen times as many more.  U. 
But how would you have paid the Army that held the sword of Vengeance.  H, 
I'd double the Excise and Customs.  U. 
But what if they could not pay it?  H 
I'd then hang them at their doors.  U. 
So you might have hanged them all,  H, 
I had not cared if all had been hanged so I might have ruled alone.  U. 
Truly and I had liked your ways very well.  H. 
Nay sir Henry I knew you could not mislike that.  U, 
But truly we should have burned the City at that time sir Arthur.  H. 
Was not I preparing as fast as I could to do it?  
O sir Arthur sir Arthur we had accomplished our designs had not that Parliament Transactor appeared out of Scotland at whose apparition my very knees did smite against each other worse than Belshazers did at the writing Menetickel.  
I, I sir Henry I knew he was hungry, lingering for a King, like a Lion roaring for a prey  
But why did not you bribe him?  
O sir Henry, I would have done ●t but I found that money would no more choke him then all the Oaths would me,  
And indeed sir Arthur you could swear lustily.  
I and can still sir Henry for thirty thousand a Year.  
That's a brave estate sir Arthur, but now you must part with it.  
Truly sir Henry I would as willingly keep it as the right owners are to take it.  
But sir Arthur would you accept of a Collier's place at Newcastle?  
I as God jidge my soul would I, any thing in the world to save my life.  
Then you are sure to die sir Arthur?  
I would I was so sure to live.  
But what if you should Petition sir Arthur to be hanged at Durham.  
I would be glad with all my heart sir Henry for then my estate and I should never departed.  
I but sir Arthur they will not trouble themselves to send you thither.  
But what if Lambert would take a bribe and be hanged for you there.  
Ah never talk of that sir Henry, for I verily believe he had as live see me hanged as himself.  
But what if you did ransom yourself with your estate.  
No, no sir Henry I had rather give my life for my estate first, but I shall lose both it seems.  
Then what shall we say sir Arthur, let us sit down in sorrow all the day long:  
Nay I believe our Days will not be much longer, Lambert, Lambert the Author of our misery Cursed be the day that e'er he came our society  
Nay sir Henry lets not curse one another, For I think we are eursed altogether.  
But as for you and I we have lived too Rebrobate in brotherly Union, like sons of Perdition these twenty years and odd, and as we have lived together so let us hang together. and there is an end of the story.   

An Epitaph upon sir Arthur Haslerigge, and sir Henry Vain.  

Here lies the body of Haslerigge the late  
Grand Traitor to'r King both Church & state  
Most impious villain tyrannised o'er  
Three stately Kingdoms 20 years & more.  
Murdered his Prince & all his honours blast.  
For which due recompense will hang at last.   

Here lies the body of Henry Vain we know  
Was traitor both to King and Country too.  
Reproach and baseness he'll bring to his grave  
He lived like a Tyrant and died like a knave.   

NOw we are captivitated from all liberty,  
For our Treachery,  
our high exalting power hath a fall.  
The records they will tell them what 've do●e o● late  
'Gainst Church and State.  
our actions will appear before them all.  
Which then will render us as odious  
as the tongue of man can tell,  
Therefore let we prepare to die,  
and bid the world farewell.   

The big'st Record in Urope is not half so large,  
As may discharge,  
the volume of out actions which will be  
Nor can the learned Authors gather to a sum  
What we have done,  
though 'twill be seen in rolls of infamy  
For Generations they will spread  
this story o'er all the world,  
That future times may read in lines,  
what deeds were done of old.   

So farewell all Comits we shall never act.  
Nor yet exact  
in Uoting up the Customs or Excize,  
The selling of the timber in New Forest Wood,  
Will cost our blood,  
we ne'er shall come again to make a prize  
've changed our house of Parliament  
and in the Tower now doth dwell,  
But do not think our lodgings in't  
is half so good as hell.   

Now let all Traitors take a precedent by we,  
Where e'er they be,  
and know Rebellion is a dangerous thing,  
Let Peasants not be Princes but obey the Law,  
And stand in awe,  
of such a sweet & gracious loving King.  
But always study more obedience  
in your walking up and down,  
Do not contest nor in the least  
provoke him to a frown.   

Thrice happy worthy Subjects you are in this King  
Make much of him,  
and render praises to the God on high.  
Which hath ordained him for you 'twas the Lords command,  
That he should stand  
to be a King in glorious Majesty.  
And we do council and advise you  
ne▪ r bring your King in thrall,  
But faithful be to his Majesty,  
so God will bless you all.   
FINIS.  
 portrait of a man with a sword