A diurnal of Dangers. Wherein are manifested and brought to light, many great and unheard-of Discoveries. To the Admiration of all who have ears to hear, or strong hearts to endure. Found out and Published in the year of Just Jealousies, apparent Plots, fatal fears, And Single Securities. 1642. Written by T. J. Printed at London for E. Christopher. A diurnal of Dangers. SOme conceive (and not without just cause) that there is a great division in this kingdom of England, divided into two Parties, the Malignant and the Well-affected; but for my own part, who they be that be Malignant, or well-affected, I am utterly ignorant; that there be Malignant, I do not much doubt of; but who are, or aught to be the well-affected, I leave to censure: Betwixt these two I am confident there are half as many Neuters; men see basely indifferent, and of such timorous natures, that aiming to serve God and Mammon, (it being too hard a task) they resolve truly to serve neither, but write themselves the servants of the Time: These be they who in times of Action no question will be dangerous, and (as they think) securely mischievous; because they pronounce a fair and submissive friendship both to the right hand and to the left; & I could wish that when they are found out, because we may the better know them again, they may be distinguished by some quaint mark, as a K. and a P. and the picture of a Round-cut head on one shoulder, and the form of a golden Coronet on the other; any thing, so it may make a distinction; that whilst one party is striking at the Crown, the other may be breaking of the pate: And by this means John Indifferent will be indifferently well knocked, as (when you shall hear their barbarous and inhuman plots) you will say they are worthy on't; and that it is pity they should live. Monday. IT was really reported, that last Monday was seven-night, early in the morning, before the valiant Prentices came to exercise in the Artillery-ground by moorfields, that a crew of these Neuters had planted in the 6. Windmills 6. Pieces of Ordnance charged with white powder, to the end there might be no Report heard from the pieces, when they intended their monstrous and bloody execution, though against whom on man can yet directly tell, but being mounted with their muzzles towards Shoreditch, it was reported by a very understanding man (of a Citizen) that (as sure as we live) their full intention was to batter down Bow, and make pillage of the green Geese; and nothing (he said) grieved him so much, as that his wife and children would be like to suffer in the flock. Another Gentleman in scarlet (a soap-boilers man) standing by, having a little better skill in Military affairs, gave his opinion, that if they had intended such a business, their only way had been to beat down Shoreditch, for after that it was ten to one but Bow would yield the town up, where they might fortify themselves against Black-wall, Lincus, and Ratcliff, & having taken them, they might easily purchase shipping, and with those ships take Greenwich & the Castle. Another Cavalier being next him, with a buff coat, which he constantly wore when he was a brown-baker) gave his opinion that his friend had censured weil, and bolted out sufficient judgement, for, says he, (do ye mark me) having taken the Castle, they might easily shoot down Saint Toolies, and then it were a thing of nothing to plant Ordnance upon Saint Mary Oueris Church, against the Tower. This Baker for his junhement was presenâ—Źly laid hands on as a conspirator: and so it happened, for without the rack he confessed that his Miller drew him into the plot, who all this while thought himself as secure as a thief in a mil; but the baker (to redeem his credit,) ventured up the wooden Fort, and pulled the miller down by the heels, whose brains gave a rebound upon every stair. After this they discovered themselves, and as it happened the ringleader of all this conspiracy, was a fat straddling fellow they called him Captain Tripes, whose ambitious venture was only for honour, that he might forsooth be suddenly advanced from a sergeant to a Captain, yet for his good service, he was not absolutely doomed to perpetual imprisonment, but confined to live by a prison all days of his life, and to have no mnat allowed him but what he can get by the catch (at which it seems he hath been old dog at.) These conspirators thus miraculously taken, the 6. Ordnance were dismounted, and by a dozen chosen strong men carried closely back again to Tower wharf, from whence the night before he brought them. The policy of these men's planting Ordnance in the windmills, was, because their forts should turn according to their Religion, they being Neuters, that if there should be any battle between Bow and Highgate, they might wind to the stronger side: but since we have by providence escaped this great and imminent danger, it shall become us to be thankful, make bonfires, and drink till with maudlin joy our tears extinguish the firebrands. Tuesday. THis first attempt failing they practised fresh inventions, new conspiracies, their mischief grows as faithful as the round heads of Hydra, whose every lop causeth the springing of another head, whether some of these late honest volenteeres must be put in Guarrison in these small Villages about the city, for the oecessary safeguard of it, or whether it be the conspirators jealousy, (for they that are bad themselves, daily ground jealousies upon others) what is the cause I know not, but the Tuesday night following, these contrivers, these Covenanters, 20. of them pretended to be merry (note the villainy of these rogues) because it was near Islington, & thought it a Guarrison town, and knew they should have good ale and cakes for pillage (impudent villains that dare pillage their own country) went all into the water-house, and called in freely for all varieties, spared no cost, (a pox on them, they knew how to come by it again) the Master of the house though it were midnight was loath to put them out again, especially being such profitable guests: Yet having been up the night before, desired they would excuse him and suffer him to go to bed, (cunning Traitors) they were presently as willing as he, that they might act their deed of darkness, their hellbred purpose, (for now comes on the horror of it) the servant being drunk a sleep, they got with all speed about their business, in came the hundred barrels of gunpowder, the cunning pioneers had sprung a mine under the water by which they had access to through the cellar, when they had laid the barrels under water, made their trains sure, and were ready to fire the match, a damp put the candle out, and (as good luck would have it) there was no fire in the house, one of them steps to Clarken-well to fetch fire, which when he had, the watch seeing a man run hastily with fire to Islington, the hour being late, and the times dangerous, they follow him at heels; not only to the house, but in and down into the cellar, broke open their barrels, conveyed away their fire, apprehended the conspirators, or as sure as we are here they had (before morning) blown up the new River, and drowned all Islington, to the utter desolation of cheesecakes, cakes, lamb-pies, stewed prunes, custards, cream and fools: nay there's not a man would have been left. The plotters were that night carried to the powdering-tub, where now they remain in a sweet pickle; if ever they come to trial, they will be hanged, drawn and quartered, and glad they scape so too. Wednesday. Mischief's never come alone, and to see how they succeed one on the neck of another. On Wednesday there was a strange and desperate felony committed in the Tower among the lions, but it may pass for a cheat; there was the biggest lion stole from thence, and a mastiff-dog left in the room; but the thief never carried him to heaven nor to hell, for coming to Fan-church street, who should he meet with but one that knew the lion, who forced him back again, & the lion is in the Tower at this hour, in a good hour be it spoken; but they have a very sick den of it with two of them; one is troubled with the chincough, and the other lies sick of the toothache. Thursday. ON Thursday there was a dangerous rumour in Kent, that at Dover-Peere an army of 4000 Venetian courtesans are landed, to subvert this Nation; for it is reported in other Countries that we are sooner captivated with women then with men: and in such wars there is no difference betwixt the Round-head and the Cavalier; they can both agree well enough in their vices, but cannot in points of Religion; therefore they may do good, who knows, and be the only means to reconcile us; yet if that were the way, we should not need to borrow aid of other Nations; we have more women already then can live honestly one by another, (take City and Suburbs) therefore I believe this is a lie, and will tell it no farther. Friday. ON Friday there was no known danger, but toward evening; and then they say the bears of Paris-garden were seen to row the mastife-dogs up & down the Thames. It is a little unusual, but no danger in it, it is a sign we shall all be friends. Saturday. ON Suturday there was a combustion amongst the Bedlamites; insomuch that the Keeper and his strong assistance could scarce restrain them. One (above the rest) cried, cried, He would have Justice, or he would pull the house down: and swore he was committed for a mad man, because he had the audacious impudence to demand his own at the hands of his betters. Four or five other cried out, They make us mad, They make us mad, and our only way is to petition that we have no more new moons. Whilst they were thus speaking, one of the maddest sort, with three or four mad women, had set fire of the straw, which were seconded by most of the rest; and by a strange miracle were reclaimed, with music, and a Song, made and sung by a Gentleman that was almost recovered from his lunacy; and while the fire slacked, thus went on his Ditty: SONG. Tune Tom of Bedlam. THe world is all but madness, Then why are we confined To live by Law, and lie in straw, With hunger almost pined? But then give me way Take my locks, take my bolts off, we'll be free as they be, who keep such state, that none dare prate, Yet are as mad as may be. The State is in distraction; Can any man deny it? But her's the curse attends it worse, there's none can make it quiet. Then give, &c. The Trojan Siege was tedious, I'th' days of old King Priam, The sword did stand in the mad man's hand, Who was as mad as I am. Then give, &c. To arms I hear the drum beat, Let me my Captains pay have: Why should they go and leave me so? I have as much cause as they have. Then give, &c. Alas there's none obeys me, 'Tis power prevails on all things: The World is bad, and dangerous mad, Whilst we lie here for small things. Then let me stay, keep the doors, let me sleep here. Abroad I shall be sadder, Should I but go, they'll use me so, I fear 'twill make me madder. With this conclusion all was quiet, and thus ends this weeks' disasters with the strange remedies; think of them, and let it be a fair warning to us. Farewell. FINIS.