THE KENTISH fair▪ OR, The Parliament sold to their best worth.  

Good Oliver, lend me thy nose  
'Tis dark, all lights are out:  
For now I mean to writ in prose,  
But guided, by thy snout.   

Black Tom already's at the Faire,  
And in his Coach is carried:  
His men, mean-while blown in the air,  
And to the Friends, are married.   

Some Citizens, they say will ride,  
To buy Knacks for their Wives:  
Let Skippon, Skipp-on, as their Guid,  
He may protect their lives.   

At Rochester, the Faire is held,  
By all good tokens, know it:  
A thousand Saints, late, there were feld  
As yet the Bridge, can show it.   
Printed at Rochester, and are to be sold, to all those that dare buy them. 1648.   

THE KENTISH fair: OR, THE PARLIAMENT SOLD TO THEIR WORTH.  The crier. 
O yes, o yes, o yes; All manner of Persons.  

KNow our most gracious godly Parliament  
Is set to sale at Rochester in Kent:  
All those who have a mind to buy, repair  
Thither, and they may have their Choice of ware.  
A Faire is kept there, there to sale is set  
The mischiefs did at first, the war beget:  
There you may Buy, pretended false Religion,  
jealousies, fears, false-hearted, and Misprision.  
The cursed Plot, to take off STRAFFORD's head,  
And to sand Canterbury to the Dead:  
To drive the King away, to carry on  
A most unheard of vile Rebellion.  
To Prison him, debar him of his Wife:  
And lastly, to bereave him of his Life.  
Here now the Rebels reign is at an end,  
You may by them, and what they did Intend.   Two Knights in disguise, or Sir Tho: Palmer, and Sir Tho: Peyton. 1. bed: 
How do I show in this habit.  2. bed: 
Like a perfect Canter, and with as sallow a Countenance, as if thou hadst born a Pack and lain in straw this seven yeares.  1. bed. 
I like that well, thou art as perfectly Metamorphosed as myself; in these habits we may securely travail, we must pass through all hazards for our King, how strong are the Kentish-men?  
Full sixteen thousand Sir, in Horse and Foot, they do increase their numbers every day, the Apprentices of London flock unto them.  2. bed. 
If Kent that ne're was conquered, now hold our stiffly for the King, and conquer Treason and Rebellion, the latter Conquest will exceed their former policy.  1. bed. 
Eight of His Majesties Ships, have willingly submitted to their power, the rest is thought will come in shortly; Rainsborough the Vice-Admirall is turned on shore, his tears and prayers saved his life, else they had cast him over-bord.  2. bed. 
To see when as Rebellion was at highest, and Treason grasped a sceptre, how soon the fickle Lady, turned her wheel, now all things are reversed, miseries now threaten the Rebels from all quarters; behold brave Poyer, the first that shewed himself for his King and Country, now bravely defending Pembroke Castle, having beaten fleming, and Horton, yea Oliver himself, and now remaineth in a gallant posture, with a strong Army in the field; see where the hardy Scots are coming dancing a Martiall measure, after their Drums and Bag-pipes; see where Sir Marmaduke Langdale in the North, having fortified Barwick, now is scouring the Country, having an Army of 7000 Men, with whom joins Sir Thomas Glemham, that able and incomparable Commander, who hath ceaz'd on carlisle, and fortified it for the King: See where the most renowned men of Kent, are in huge Bodies joined, have lately given the Arch-Rebell Fairfax a great overthrow near Rochester, have killed a thousand on the place, have taken divers, dispiersed his whole Army, himself escaping hardly; Essex, Surrey, and Cornwall, now putting themselves into a Military posture. Ha, who are these, what Women wear arms.  Mrs. Webster, and Mrs. main, with Pistols and Swords. They Sing. 
Mrs. Webster and Mistris main, two Women that are now in arms in ●… ent.  
Mrs. Web. 

MEn tardy grown, and deaf to good,  
remiss in every thing:  
Their own great woes, not understood  
themselves slaved, and their King.   

'Tis time that Women armor wear,  
and teach Men for to fight:  
'Gainst those, who their destruction swear,  
and seek it, day and night.   Mrs. main. 

Wee two like Amazons of old,  
who fought for wretched Troy:  
Have vowed, to Kill all those that would,  
persist us to annoy.   

Come Fairfax, thee I long to Charge  
at head of all thy Men:  
And sand thee maimed in a Barge  
to London back again.   Mrs. Web. 

No● cronwell, though thou bath'st in flames,  
yet know thou Salamander:  
That thou shalt tremble at our Names,  
and wee shall sand you yonder.   

Come all ye Sectaries that dwell  
within the cursed city:  
And wee will sand you unto Hell,  
unto the black Committee.    1. bed. 
Well met warlike Women, how many are there of your County, that walk in your equipage?  Mrs. Web. 
Many Pedlar, whither art thou Sirrah and thy fellow going.  2. bed. 
Going woman, why to the Faire.  Mrs. Ma. 
Who are you for.  1. bed. 
For our Customers.  Mrs. Web. 
God and his Angels? Why this is Sir Tho: Palmer; pardon us good Sir, we did not know you.  Mrs. Ma. 
And this is Sir Tho: Peyton most noble Knights pardon our bold presumption, as you were Pedlars wee had power to tax you, as you are Knights, we serve you.  Sir T. Pal: 
Thankes to you both Viraga's, what men of note have you now at the Faire, who led the rest a Cinque-pace, unto the martiall murmur of the Drum.  Mrs. Web. 
Sir, we have these, Sir Robert Tracy, Sir Gamaliel Dudley, Sir John Many, Sir Tho: Godfrey: Sir james Hales, Sir will: Many, Sir John Dorell, Sir Richara Hardresse, Colonel Washington, Col. Le'strange, Col. Hacker, Col Culpepper, and many other Esquires and Gentlemen, of known valour and integrity.  Sir T. Pey: 
What new commodities doth this Faire afford, have ye any upstart Gentlemen to sell for Slaves, Parliament men to sell for knaves, Committee-men to dispose of for the galleys, and Excize-men for the gallows, have ye any Citizens that will make pimps, and Common-Counsell-men that wear the Cuckolds arms.  Mrs. Ma: 
Sir, wee have these, and all their Implements, here's the rich Pedlaresse Mrs. famed, will afford you choice for your money.  Mrs. famed. 
What do you lack or buy Gent: any Votes, Orders, or Declarations, any Plots, Covenants, or Protestations, will you buy an Ordinance of indemnity, perchance one of you may be a rebel or a Parliament man, will you please to buy a new Ordinance for putting Malignants out of the City of London, and the late lines of Communication; see what you want Gentlemen, see what you want.  Sir T. Pal: 
Hast thou ere an upstart Gentleman to sell, one that hath formerly sat crosse-leg'd on a Shop-bord, hath been a Broom-man, or a Kennell-raker a Dray-man, or a Porter, and now doth rant it and imitateth the Gentilest garb, and loves to compliment.  famed. 
Sir, I have choice of those, I have Col. Pride, Player. and others, but if you'l have a Prince and voided of shane, take this man for your use, his name is Bark-stead, the proud Thimble-maker, who walks the round each night at Westminster, a Fool in folio yet a mighty Talker, whose compliments are tane from Martin Parker; yet fit him with a Whore that pleases him, and you shall hear him wast his lungs in praise of her, until he need some Aqua-vita, take this man on my credit Sir.  Sir T. Pal: 
Hast thou ere a Parliament man a knave, I have some use of one.  famed. 
I have a hundred Sir, why they abound Sir, I can afford you twenty at cheap rate, buy these half dozen of me they are transcendent knaves Sir i'le assure, or ne're buy of me more.  Sir T. Pal: 
Where be they?  famed. 
Here Sir, there's Harry Martin, there's Weaver( who pronounced openly to the rest of his fellowes, That it was fit the King should be brought to his trial, and hanged, drawn and quartered, rather then Treated with, he being the only cause of all the Blood-shed throughout the three kingdoms,) I have set a special mark upon this man Sir, and it is a T, and an R; the third, is Scot; the fourth, Vane; the fifth, Mildmay; and the sixth Manchester, the wild boar who hath rooted up two famous Universities, and deadly wounded Learning and Learned men, there they be Sir.  Sir T. Pal: 
These Ile reserve for Hawkes-meat, they will save me the charges of Buying, and my men the trouble of procuring Horses and Dogs-flesh, hast thou ever a Capritious Committee-man, to dispose of to the Galleys.  famed. 
O many Sir, three that will fit you to a hair.  Sir T. Pal. 
Let me see them, what are their names?  famed. 
Here's chaloner the atheist, Corbet the cuckolded, and Fouke the Fool.  Sir T. Pal: 
These, these will serve my turn excellently well, chaloner would make a good divine amongst the Indians, Corbet I will sell to the great turk, he may have use for him in his Seraglio, and Fouke I will reserve for myself, and will provide him a Coat and a Cap, he shall be my jester; hast thou ere an Excize-man to dispose to the gallows, for an example to the rest?  famed. 
Yes Sir, here's Wilkins the Excize-man, I dare put him into your hands, for a villain worth hanging.  Sir T. Pal: 
Bind his hands behind him, he is ordained for death, and shall bee hanged on a Gibbet erected on purpose; hast thou ere a Citizen that would make a pimp, a close and trusty pimp?  famed. 
O Sir yes, I have one will fit your turn i'le warrant you, here's one Sir that was pimp to his own Wife, for a yearly stipend, his name is R. D. take him Sir upon my word, he will hold the door with any man of his inches about London.  Sir T. Pal: 
Hast thou ere a Common-Counsell-man, that wears branchers, and can derive the Pedigree of Cuckolds from Adams time to this day, who wears his branch in triumph, and takes a Pride to hear men praise his horns?  famed. 
Sir, I can fit you to a Cowes-thumb, would you have an Alderman, a Militia man, or a common-counsel man.  Sir T. Pal: 
I  told thee before, a common-counsel man.  famed. 
Here then Sir, take this man with the Gold-chaine, perhaps you have heard, how he defiled his Breeches, but that's nothing Sir, he is well red in the Science of Cuckoldry.  Sir T. Pal: 
I like him well, what hast thou else worthy my money?  famed. 
Here's a mad Order Sir, lately put forth by the Rebels, which saith, that the Lives and Lands of these that keep the Faire in Kent, shall be lawful prise to the soldiery, and further commands, That no quarter bee given either to Man, Woman, or Child.  Sir T. Peyton. 
Saist thou so famed, their Order wee'l make good upon themselves, and crush their souls out with our iron hands, have they sat seven yeares to mar our Government, and would they now cease on our Lives and States; think they for to build high upon our ruins, know famed, and echo it throughout the world, Kent will bee loyal to their King, should all the kingdom else prove wicked, although wee are not fearful to find aid, Surrey, Essex, and Cornwall, have promised to come in, to our assistance.  

Then let the Rebels, and their Fairfax know,  
That they must fall, for Fate will have it so:  
Wee have begun to rout them, nor will cease,  
Till with their cursed Liv●…, wee buy our Peace.  
Great CHARLES look up, for now redemption comes,  
Peace speaketh, in the language of our Drums,  
By Blood they hold their power, by Blood must wee  
Restore our King, unto his sovereignty:  
ourselves unto our Rights, which wee have lost,  
By trusting seeming Friends, who hate us most.  
Sound Drums and Trumpets, let the kingdom hear,  
The Rebels must not reign, another year.   
FINIS.