KENTISH Long-tayles AND Essex Calves: Or, the copy of a LETTER Sent from a Gentleman of the Army to a friend in the West, containing a compendious Relation of the late traitorous insurrections in the said COUNTIES.  Foelix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautum. 
Printed at London for R. M. 1648.   

SIR,  
IF I mistake not, the Kentish-men were up in Rebellion before you went last from hence, and therefore you may expect to be advertised of the issue and event of that business, six or eight thousand of those Rebels were embodied upon Black-Hearth, which is within two or three miles of christendom,( for Kent is commonly said to be out of christendom,) and certainly if they had been good Christians, they would never have had thoughts of such a diabolical attempt; many of them were well armed, and good Horse as well as foot among them, and two small field-pieces, which were mounted in Debtford, where their Head-Quarters were for one or two nights, the general sent a Party of Horse under command of Colonel Whaley, upon whose Alarm and approach the enemy removed from Debtford, Black-Hearth and Greenwich,( leaving there two field-pieces behind them,) unto Dartford, and from thence were chased to Rochester, many of them being taken prisoners and slain in the flight, and the mayor of that place in safe Custody, that City being also engaged, and now reduced. Our Forces compassed the country, where the Rivers were most fordable, and other passes most accessable,( for the enemy had used much skill in obstructing many of the nearest passages) at last our Forces encountered them again at Maidston, a chief town in that County, where they disputed their entrance with the enemy, in a very fierce and hot manner, for the greatest part of one very wet night, killing many, and taking many prisoners; at last they all dispersed and fled away, leaving their arms and Horses, and our Forces to be Masters of the Town.  
Quis clades illius noctis quis funera fando  
Explicit, aut potuit lachrymis equare labores?  
This place and that part of the County so settled, the general marched to Canterbury, where two or three thousand more of the Kentishmen and Inhabitants, had put themselves in a warlike posture against the Parliaments Forces. Within some few dayes by the wisdom and valour of the general and his Army, Canterbury was taken in upon merciful Articles assented to and subscribed by his Excellency: whilst these things were acting, the enemy had besieged Dover-Castle, and possessed themselves of two or three other little Castles, not far from that, the General sent a party to relieve the same, and it is effectually performed, so that this County is in a manner totally reduced, only the small Castles before mentioned, stand out, and are beleaguered by so considerable a party, as( by Gods blessing) there will be a good and speedy account thereof: In this action, most of the chiefest of the Gentlemen of the County were engaged, many of them with 13. or 1400. more were taken Prisoners, and 200. at the least slain, and great store of Horses arms and Ammunition taken. At the first appearance of this Action, there were some contest amongst the Gentlemen, who should be their general or Commander in chief of their Forces, at last they pitched upon one Esquire Hales,( a bide that hath good feathers to pluck) and other Gentlemen of the County had their parts in this insurrection, as Colonels, Lieutenant Colonels, Majors, Captains, &c. but their splendour continued but a short time, for the sudden appearance of the super-annuated Lord Goring eclipsed their lustre, the supreme Command being devolved on him, which he manfully maintained till he was well beaten out of the County, and forced to take soil like a hurt dear; At the Isle of Dogges, he landed with as many as he could get to run away with him, but some was so hasty to follow their Leader, that Charon mistaking the landing place,( being a dark night) wafted them over into the land of darkness, saw them rebaptized in Thamisis, and there left them to feast the Inhabitants of that Elementary Region, and there I also leave them till the Resurrection, and by that time they may be changed into Sharks, or Cod-fishes, to be served up at Pluto's Table, when he invites their Generalissimo to dinner. This Lord is called the earl of Norwich, and from hence some conceit that his unquiet spirit had a Transmigration into the Butchers of Norwich, which occasioned the late Tumult there; It had been well for these Counties of Kent and Essex if this their earl had been then amongst some of those brutish Cut-throats, though I think he had no hand in the Papists Powder-Plot: This great general with his flying Army hath now put himself amongst a herd of Essex Claves, and hath been so closely hunted by the Generals Buckhounds,( who had the scent of them at least a mile off,) that at the first onset, he and his Beasts of prey quitted Bow-Bridg with the loss of some men, the taking of some Prisoners, and relmquishing two great pieces planted upon the said bridge; Without further dispute( not daring to make a Halt at Burnt-wood as being too hot for them,) they made a running retreat to Chelmesford, hoping to do wonders by the help of the earl of Warwick his plundered armoury.) The fortunate and valiant general with a considerable number of his Forces are in hot pursuit of them, not doubting but by Gods assistance his Excellencies Sword will overtake those unnatural blood-suckers, whose grand design hath been to embark this kingdom in a second bloody War from which the Lord deliver us. Some of the Members of the House of Commons, and others of the Committee of that County, these besotted Essexians have taken prisoners, set a guard upon them, and use them very harshly, as is said; but the House of Commons have given directions to their noble Gideon, that if any force shall be offered to the said Gentlemen by the enemy, that then he shall give no quarter to any of them.  
Our best intelligence assures us, that Goring and his dampned crew for their plundering and outrageous deportments, are deserted by multitudes of the Essex men, and thousands risen up against them, crying unanimously, We are deceived, we are deceived; and so indeed they are, rendering themselves by their inconsiderate engaging with them( and that upon several and distinct interests, as witless as their Country man Walthams-Calfe, that went 9 miles to suck a Bull. How unhappy are these men that have not grace to acquiesce in the mercy of God who preserved them all this while from plunderings and many other miseries which other Counties have groaned under, and now at the last they have called in the roaring Goringy to despoil them of all their wealth and riches that the sufferings of many wasted Counties did transfer to them; Oh ye brainsick Bleaters, Who hath bewitched you? The rest of the infatuated White Faces of that County( who yet stand to it as if they resolved to enforce their own destruction) have now chosen one Sir Charles Lucas( a younger Brother of 
Lucus.  England) to be their general, and itis very probable that in a very short time he will lose himself and all his Desperadoes in a wood, and the Generals Mirmidons will hue them down Pell-mell with their Bilboe's, who's the ass then Sir, who?  
This day about noon one Colonel Humphreyes brought intelligence to the House of Commons, that his Excellency and the Enemy were engaged yesterday about three or four a clock in the afternoon, that Goring and his Hell-hounds, were then impounded in Colchester, the general then preparing to storm that town; No Replevin will lie in this case, and therefore those Rebels must now stand to the judgement of the Sword, the justice whereof, I hope we shall hear of before to morrow night.  
By my next I hope to acquaint you that the distempers of this county are well allayed and settled, as those of Kent, In the interim, let this Narrative suffice to raise up your Spirits, and confirm you in aconstant dependency upon the Lord of Hosts, who fights the battailes of his servants, but beware of relying too much upon an arm of flesh, give all the glory to God, and on him cast all your confidence; I shall insist no further but subscribe,  
Your, London 14 June 1648.  
FINIS.