A LETTER from the FRENCH KING TO THE GREAT TURK, Lamenting the woeful Loss of his Noble FLEET, and earnestly requiring his present Assistance.  
With the Grand Seignior's ANSWER.  
Most dear Brother;  
PAR Dieu, I am undone, undone for ever; and bloodily afraid, that our good Cause (which we have jointly carried on so long) will now (on a sudden) fall to the Ground: For, alas, alas, I must let you know, that my Invincible Armado hath most unhappily rancountered with an English Drake, who hath publicly evinced, to the unlooking World, That I can be Overcome. O woe, woe to me! what shall I do? I shake and tremble, I quake with a panic Fear; and the Violence of Passion, at the first receiving of this amazing Disaster, hath again occasioned the tormenting Fistula in my distressed Ano. What shall I do? what shall I do? I'm undone, undone, undone, every where beset with implacable Enemies, and my utter Ruin is nigh at hand. Enraged Neptune doth distract me at Sea, and thundering Mars affrights me at Land. From Abroad I'm strangely terrified with the very thoughts of my formidable Adversaries; and at Home I continually dread the rising of the unruly Mob. To all which add, that my Ghostly Father at Rome, hath long ago declared me a Bastard, and says, That I no ways belong to the Holy See.  
In short, I'm forsaken both by God and Man! I have prayed to S. Denis twice, but he hath not heard me; and S. Ignatius (I think) is fallen asleep. All my Beads and Gauds do now avail me nothing; and a thousand Ave Maries are said, but all in vain.  
Thus (my dearest Brother) I do let you know of these my perplexing Circumstances, beseeching you (for the sake of Mahomet's Sleeve) to assist me now in this my greatest Extremity.  
Great Sir;  
I need not tell you that my Enemies are also yours, and that yours are truly mine. I beg it of you, that you would be pleased to cause your great Mufti grant me the benefit of his Prayers; and that in all haste imaginable he would dispatch some Lamenting Pilgrim to the famous Mecca, to salute in my Name the splendid Sepulchre of your great Prophet, assuring him of my faithful Allegiance for the future, and that henceforth I will no longer act the part of an Hypocrite, (that being in all probability some Cause of my present Ruin) but will publicly own his noble Principles, and that in the Face of the Sun, still carrying before my marching Armies, a glittering Crescent, with the following Motto, In hoc vince; and (to the utmost of my Power) I will propagate the Holy Alcoran through the Western Parts of the Heretical World. I need not tell you of my fervent Zeal to that meritorious Work, you being fully convinced thereof long ago. I am not able to write one Word more at present, because excessive Grief overwhelms my drooping Spirit: Therefore (my dearest Brother) I do, again and again, request your present Assistance. And expecting an Answer with the first convenience, do subscribe myself,  
(Great SIR) Your greatly afflicted Brother, Lovis le Grand.  
Be pleased to direct for me at Valenciennes, at the Sign of the Lion above the Flower de Lis, lodging with the Countess of Bourbon, one of my Seraglio.   

A Copy of the Grand Seignior's ANSWER to the French King's LETTER, sent to him in all haste by the Flying Post.  
Dear and disconsolate Brother;  
I Have received your Lamenting Letter by the foresaid Post, and am hearty sorry at your woeful present Circumstances; but assure yourself, that I will truly Assist you to the utmost of my Power. And that you may be fully convinced of my Sympathy with your sad Condition, I do hereby give you my Royal Word, that for three Days to come I will abstain from being Drunk with Claret Wine. And that my great Concern for you may farther appear, I'll command a public Fast to be kept through all my Dominions, strictly charging my dutiful Subjects, that (when they're best at leisure) they may consecrate at least half a Day for public Mourning and Humiliation; enjoining a severe Penance on any Person who will dare to eat Meat twice before Dinner that day. And to avoid all sign of Joy or Rejoicing whatsoever, I'll promise you, that (during our Humiliation) no Bell shall be tolled in any of my Sacred Mosques. And, finally, for your farther Comfort, I am fully resolved to denounce open War against the great Kingdom of China, and that because it doth so abound with that nauseous Fruit called Oranges, a Fruit most detestable to your Sacred Palat.  
But since all this (though very great Comfort indeed) doth not answer the chief End of your Epistle, (it being present Assistance you want) I do hereby let you know, that in that Point I'll fully satisfy you also. Courage, courage, Brother, there's no fear; Are not you Louis le Grand, and I Signior le Grand? the Devil's in't if we maul not the Rogues now. Your Personal Valour hath sounded all the World over; pray therefore rouse up yourself now at this Time, a Time of so great Danger to our Sacred Cause: Come, come (Brother) cheer up your musing Mind, and fear nothing at all. It's true, you want both Ships and Money at present; and what then? can't I furnish you with both? Yes truly, and I will do it. You know (Brother) I designed to have done great Things upon the Danube this Summer, but that devilish Pass near Orsoway, hath utterly ruined my Design. Now seeing that it is so, I can freely spare you my whole Fleet of Barks and Boats, (especially those that your shallow Seas can well admit of) whereby you may be able, not only to re-ingage, but (I hope) also to defeat your Enemies: Therefore I desire, that upon the receiving of this my Letter, you will cause instantly dispatch an Express to your Royal Harbour at Barfleur, commanding three of your best Ships (namely, the Royal Sun, the Conquerant and Admirable) to meet my Fleet at the Straits Mouth, and from thence to conduct them safe to the English Channel; and than if we chance only to get but one sight of the Rogues, the Day will certainly be our own, I'll warrant it; yea, (par ma foy & en verité) I can take my Oath upon it. As for Money (Brother) fear not, I'll furnish you with your own Luidores, with which you formerly gifted me in so great Abundance: Pray fear not, you shall have true French Gold, and that as much as I can spare. You tell me, in a most tragical manner, that you are ruined both by Sea and Land; your whole Kingdom being in a dreadful Consternation at present, and the greatest part of your Fleet either sunk or burnt; so that Earth, Water and Fire, do seem all at once to fight against you. What then (Brother) have you forgot all your Philosophy? Are there not four Elements? make hast therefore, and fly speedily to the Prince of the Air, and betake yourself to his Royal Protection, and presently establish a firm League, Offensive and Defensive, with him; I say, do it presently before he hear of all your Disasters, lest then he be unwilling to consent unto it. Make haste, and quickly dispatch your great Trustee the D. of Luxenburgh, his good Friend and old Acquaintance; for if any Man in the World prevail, it will be him. I desire to be a Member of that Noble Confederacy myself; so that being Three in Number, I hope we shall prove the Invincible Triumvirs. But, pray observe one thing, that we must both give the precedence to this our great Friend: But to comfort you (Brother) by all means you shall sit next to him; so that in your Imperial Dets, our Royal Writs shall be thus superscribed, Lucifer le Grand, Lovis le Grand, Signior le Grand, Every one Le Grand. Are not these confounding Titles, enough to conquer the World itself, suppose we never strike a Stroke? Yes truly, and that without any Miracle too. Assure yourself therefore of a most glorious Triumph over all your perplexing Foes, which is the constant Prayer and hearty Wish of,  
MONSIEUR, Votre tres cher Ami & Frere, Le Grand Signior.   

Printed in the Year 1692.