Mercurius Rusticus: The downfall of tithes.  
The Country-man discovering the pride, lewdness, covetousness, and ambition of the fat beneficed Priests, encroaching Tythe-mongers, and oppressing Impropriators, &c.  

Jure Divino's proved a lie,  
The bnfice must fall,  
Synods and Classes, Knaves and fools,  
Proud Elders, Priest, and all:  
Their dearest Darling now must lose  
Beloved tithes I say;  
The Country Farmer then will well  
His Rent and Taxes pay.  
spiritual Pigs, Tyth-Geese, and Hens  
Made Prestor John so stout,  
That he like satan compassed  
The Nation quiter about.  
Religion, Law, and Gospel too,  
Were by him to be sold,  
St. Peters keys he'd freely lend  
To them would give him Gold.   
HEre's brave News, my Neighbors( saith honest Jack Bumpkin) God bless our New Parliament, an Act is now coming forth for abolishing the payment of tithes, under which heavy burden we have so long grievously groaned; but now Mr. person saith he'l shut up the Church doors, and sand St. Peter the keys; but my Country-man can tell him 'tis not the place, but the persons assembled together that make a Church; nay, he hath learnt so much latin, and can prove it to be Divinity too; that utinam omnes populi essent Prophetae, he can show you canonical Scrtpture for it, which is of more authority than Mr. Parsons Institution and Induction: Nay, but Mr. simon Magus the old simoniacal Priest of H. and B. did aver it to be sacrilege and blaspheamy for any one to red the word of God in the public Congregation ( vulgo the Church) unless he were one that had received Holy Orders; you could not have heard so much superstition out of any mans mouth, but a Tythmonger; but now the tithes must down, Mr. person sighs, he sees a good Harvest towards, and now parvas spes habet, &c. his hopes fail him, that he shall not reap the sweat of other mens brows; and monsieur Avidus the covetous Patron and Impropriator fears least he should lose his thumping fnt benefice, whereby he might bestow a Daughter to a rich person, the loving Impropriator of Sutton in Hampshire, is now to Statesman( but he's a Clerk himself) must part with his 400. pound per Annum, and the idle lazy Drone, late Dean of Armagh, must learn to rise more early in the mornings, and study to preach for his Living himself, and not have 300 pounds per Annum tithes, to maintain him to lie a bed and drink Sack and Tobacco, and hire a poor Pedagogue for 20 l. per Annum: But some of these Priests are grown saucy, proud, and impudent( and so they were always) the chanting Sir Ignoramus of Chittingfold, for want of better matter to run out his hourglass, began to expostulate with his Congregation about the taking away of tithes, and displacing him, as some honest men had endeavoured to do, not for his goodness; he plainly, boldly, and for sound Doctrine affirmed( that they should find he was a stout Knave) and as I am informed most of his Auditors confirmed his words to be an Orthodox Truth; and for my part I verily believe it, this fellow is fitter for a Parrator, and more like a Barrator then a Minister, for instead of endeavouring to make peace and love, and to continue amity and friendship amongst his Neighbours, he like friar Rush, is the beautifeu that sets all of them together by the ears, there's not a Law svit heard of thereabouts, but he's at one end of it; you shall be more sure to find him foaming at the mouth amongst his Lawyers, then in his study.  
But now doctor Apollos, a grave learned Divine, Bishop of K. near London, to save his 200 l. per Annum, rides up and down in his Coach, and lately bribed three honest Lawyers to demonstrate to the Court, that though there be many of them Knaves and fools, yet there be some wise learned men also. Then there is Mr. Grace, the flourishing ignorant Favourite, who by his friend, or his purse( not for his deserts in Learning or Honesty) attaineth a bnfice; he is a resemblance to the Law favourite, who for his Learning deserves rather to be an Auditor, then an ignorant Orator; said fortuna favet fatuis, insomuch that he is a Preacher or practiser of Fortune; the truth whereof is, that the disease of his friend is the end of his practise, Amicus usque ad mortem; and of this Ignoramus, and Sir Ignoramus, I motto thus; Pari Jugo sociantur Asini: This Sir Ignoramus you must conceive hath commenced bachelor of Art in ignorance, yet he hath learned a Cambridge probo; but both he and his Kinsman in ignorance, wanting not their favouring friends to help them into a bnfice, when many a learned and studious Gentleman wanting help of Friends, might sit without both, so much is this froward Age we live in to be condemned, the more we see Ignorance preferred before Learning and Virtue, and dull-pated covetous Jobber-noles, unworthyly advanced to places of profit and dignity, when many a learned Muse sits in his study, destitute of either; but here I only tax-time of partiality.  
But since it is so, that the long hopes of the Husbandmen are almost come to effect, and Sir Priest must be one of his Tyth-mongring, his pride and stoutness amongst his Neighbours( if he intends or hopes to live by his preaching, he must fall to his study; and not like that covetous proud simoniacal doctor of Cressingham, and two or three benefice more, that used to ride up and down the fields, to see where the best Corn was, and then takes his tithes by the Acre, and force his poor Parishioners to pay him so.  
And now Hugh Adoniram the Scribe sweats in his grease, like a tallow Candle in the Sun, for fear he shall lose his 400 l. per annum, which( not for his goodness) he lately got in Wiltshire, leaving his flock at Fulham, to starve, or else be fed by the glassman of Hamersmith; for do what they will, Adoniram cares not, he delights to be where there is most money to bee got, as all other Priests of late years do; nay many of them within these few years have got a trick to shift their places as commonly as a Lady doth her Smocks, or at least her Maids; but you must always observe, tis to get the better benefice in the mystery, although they pretend and give out it is to seat themselves amongst a more conformable religious people in the History, but the meaning is such as are more conformable to pay them their Tithes.  
But here I cannot overpass to discover the wisdom of Adoniram, and to let you know his wonderful policy, whereby he would demonstrate to the people, that there are some crafty covetous Knaves, amongst the Clergy, as well as ignorant fools; he was no sooner warm in his 400 l. per Annum, but he speedily bethinks with himself how to keep it, hearing the clamour of the country, and general crying out of the burden of tithes, and because he saw a good Harvest towards, he forthwith frames and contrives a Petition to the supreme Authority of England the late Parliament, in the names of the grand Jury men of the County of Wilts. thereby to cloud his own covetous villainy, praying thereby that the ministers might be encouraged to preach the Gospel, by having their tithes duly paid; whereas all the Jurymen, unless two or three that were impropriators, were of the contrary opinion, knowing very well the grievances of the Country thereby; but Adoniram made bold to use their names and hands to it, and procured two or three of his Saints to deliver it, and came himself to London in expectation of some Order therein for his profit; but his hopes were frustrated, for that very day the late Parliament was dissolved, he came too late to the Parliament door at Westminster, studying mischief like a Bore in the oats, and found the door shut, and his birds flown.  
This fellow and two or three hundred more of his Comrades spent almost five yeares, and cost the State four shillings a day a piece, to invent a new frame of Church government; but they proved just like the French Milwright, who because he could make a Mill well, had a chimera in his brain that he could make such an Engine, as should turn the Spit, draw water out of a Well, and tell the hour of the day as well as any Clock; after he had spent much time and pains about it, he at last made a Nut-cracker of it: even so did the Learned Synod spend five years about making a catechism; but when I was a schoolboy, if I had not learned such a one in one quarter of a year, I should have been soundly whipped. They might far better have spent their time about translating the Bible, correcting the errors in it, if they had known how; if not, I could have procured one who would have taught them for two shillings per diem, which is but half one of their pay: I marvel they are not ashamed( but most of them are shameless) to red such nonsense to the people as they do; as in the first chapter of Luke it's said of Zacharias, that when he was dumb, and his child was to be name, they made signs to his Father what he would have him called; they red it in our Translation, verse 63. that he asked for writing Tables, and wrote saying, his name is John: how can, or could a dumb man ask for Tables? if he could, certainly then he might have  told them his name without writing. But because I will inform my countryman the true sense of the words, and to learn Sir Ignoramus more greek then the drrunken Priest of Swallowfield ever knew; I tell you the word in the Original is 〈◇〉 of 〈◇〉 of 〈◇〉, id est, Capio, vel peto; it signifies, to take, or seek after; so that 〈◇〉, which are the words in the original, do signify( and I am sure is better sense) and he sought after, or took a writing Table, &c. for how a dumb man can ask for a thing, seems an impossibility to me; but seeing I have Mr. Adoniram, monsieur Avidus, Sir Simon Magus, and Sir Ignoramus together; I'll try if I can toss them like a dog in a blanket, and make them vomit out their nonsense, and rid them of their Ignorance, Pride, and covetousness.  
Their tithes must away; but as for the rest, I doubt I shall strive with an impossibility; Quia ignorantia, avaritia, & superbitas suae herent in nomine, in Capite, & in Cute: therefore I will not spend much labour to reform Sir Ignoramus, nor monsieur Avidus neither, counting my labour as endless, as the two Maids at Detford, which endeavoured by washing the Blackmore to make him white: But to vent out some passion against Sir Simon Magus for his Simoney, I mean not that person name in the 8. of the Acts of the Apostles, for he offered to give money to buy the bestowing of the Holy Ghost; this refused not to take money to bestow a bnfice; so they were of kin, this a Knight without living, that a Knave without grace.  
Their Lordships, since they have got down their Masters the Bishops, thought to be every one a Bishop in his Parish, and one of them lorded it so much, that a poor old man grieving thereat, made bold to speak the truth of Mr. person, and called him proud fool, but Sir Priest brought an Action against the old man for it, and threatened him so,( the other being not able to defend it) though he knew well enough the words would not bear an Action, that he forced the poor man to composition with him, and to give him a fat big & half a dozen Chickens, and besides to come and ask him forgiveness in the public Congregation, when he was in his Pulpit chanting, as if he would have cursed with Bell, Book, and Candle; then there is Master Plurality, the engrossing Beneficer, one of the Actors in this Comedy, he is a person compounded out of many particularities into a plural qualification, dispensation, and non-residence, be the only liberal Sciences in his study: In all these I only aim at the iniquity of the Times, and by their names to demonstrate their qualities; I suppose no man can religiously be offeeded at me, if they be, I say no more to them, but Adsum qui dixi, in me convertite tela.  
Finis, Fustis, Funis.