A New (and too true) Description OF ENGLAND: BRIEFLY DELINEATING The 

Careful condition of the Court.  
Cautions Policy of the head City.  
Callamitous case of the Country. And  
Cruel passages of the Campe.    
IN A FAMILIAR DIALOGUE, Between, Chrystopher a Cavalier, AND Barnaby a Caviller.  
Written by (now I think on't) 'tis not matter who. 
But it affords,  
More wit than words   
LONDON, Printed in the Year 1643.   

A NEW (AND TOO TRUE) DESCRIPTION OF ENGLAND.  Barnaby. 
WHat my old accquaint●nce, Kitt? art thou unhanged yet, alive still, not killed in all this knocking time, I prithee how hast thou scaped all this while, when Thousands of thy betters have gone to the pot, But tell me (Sirrah) half all thy limbs sound and whole?  Christopher, 
I: And my eats too (thou egg of a Cock a-Trice) I thank heaven for't not so much as a hair of my head dimininnished since I saw thee, And yet (without ostentation be it sp●oken) I have been as forward as the best in the Army, God bless the King.  Bar. 
Well no more of that if thou lov'st me; but how goes matters, things, b●snesses, what shall I say, what's the news amongst you Cavaliers, whence camest thou now? come let us discourse a little  we part.  Chry. 
I marry with all my heart why I'll tell the true, I came from my Chamber at Oxford, where the best news is; that His Majesty (God be thanked) is in very good health: and wants neither Men, Horse, Money, Ammunition, Victual, nor firm hearted friends; what sayest thou Barnaby is not that good news?  Bar. 
Good news quotha. I pray thee harp no more upon that string, such harmoney I like not, there's no kind of true concord in't, well I know what I think.  Chry. 
Out upon thee thou sum (or rather scum) of all basenasse, what dost thou think (thou villain) the divine word saith, thou shalt not think evil of the King, and darest thou harbour thoughts of His Sacred Majesty which thou wilt not reveal.  Bar. 
I prithee Kitt be not so Cynical, don't bite of my Nose, I am bidden to a wedding. let's discourse soberly and to the purpose.  Chry. 
I wonder Barnaby how thou darest use that proverb, it being so old, I dar say if any of your Banellia●●…, Hoggsheaderians, Piperians, or Butterians (for there are degrees of Tub as men have gifts) should hear thee, they would account thee worthy of great reprehension, but let that pass. what wouldst thou say if thou couldst spoke; let me hear?  Bar. 
But before we proceed any further, let me oblige the to speak nothing at all of the King; for I know thy humour, thou'lt be praising him for a Just, merciful, prudent, pious, and truly Religious Prince, and what not, but?  Chry. 
But what thou Basilisk? I rhinke I must be forced to kick thee into better manners, and conjure down that damnable spirit of detraction and disobedience, but I shall get no credit by't, who toucheth Pitch shall be defiled, God bless the King and Parliament, and send us a happy union between them, put a period to these distracted and destructive times which poor England groans under, this is my hearty prayer and ever shall be, till death.  Bar. 
I could wish there might be peace too; but as the ease stands now, while the credit of our cause lies at stake, we ought to promote this ●●alous and godly War rather than sue for, or embrace an  and diabolical peace, there's my permanent resolution, which i'll maintain ●●th purse and person even to death itself.  Chry. 
Not too much of that Barnaby, any other thing but that same 〈◊〉 throat death your Sectaries can endure, for the truth's sake (as they ●●●…ly term it) but the apprehension of death will make them change ●●●ir opinions as often as Proteus did to several shapes, rather than undergo this thing called death.  Bar. 
Nay nay Kit now thou dost exceed the lymitts of truth and ●●●science, for I prithee did not many hundreds of of us die at Worcester ●●…inton and Brainford, Battersey, and in divers other parts of the Kingdom, (the more's the pity) and yet dost thou say we dare not die for 〈◊〉 Religion; dost not blush at this false report.  Chry. 
Not a whit, for I said nothing but i'll justify and maintain before the prime Sectmaster of you all; I confess many fought and were killed, but for what did they die? I prithee for Religion? thou wilt answer I; but I tell thee no, for you fought for money, for meat for , pillage and a little vain glory: to make a composition of your Ample employment.  Bar. 
And what didst thou and the rest of the Cavaliers fight for, I think our cases are much alike: though our consciences are at great difference.  Chry. 
Conscience quotha? thine and the rest of thy sect have bottomless consciences: nothing comes amiss to you: all is swallowed down that pretended zealous gulf: which indeed (to say truth without dissimulation) hath almost quite devoured the glory and beauty which was the Peace and plenty of the most noble and admirable Kingdom in the Christian world: ah poor miserable and unfortunate England that from thine own bowels hast produced such a Viperors' brood which now swim in b●ood to thy Ruin and utter destruction; I am sure all honest well minded Christians who wish the welfare of King and Country do suffer for your peevishness.  Bar. 
Why I prithee don't we fight for the Gospel?  Chry. 
Doth not the King maintain the Gospel? is not he the Defender of the true ancient, Catholic and Apostolic Faith; where's the difference tell me?  Bar. 
I: but the King inclines to Popery and Supperstition, which we strive to suppress and abolish by this holy Warr.  Chry. 
Was it Popery and Superstition which Queen Elizabeth, and King james (of happy memory) did maintain, and the King promises to maintain the like, even to defend with the utmost hezard of his Royal Crown, Dignity, and Life; then why will we not believe him: but I guess the reason, you long for a change, the Bishops kept you to much in awe; have I not hit the nail o'the head.  Bar. 
Thou hast indeed, for I zealously protest, that we do detest the Protestant Religion which thou speakest of; and which the King promises (nay prehaps will perform) to maintain, full as much as we do Popery, for to say truth Popery and vulgar Protestancy are very near correllatives.  Chry. 
Vulgar Protestancy? O Ha' ha' ha', well I find now Barnaby where your shoe wrings: you would have Religion refined would you? I think you have brought the Kingdom to a very fine pass with your resining Novelisme; the Court's full of care, the City full of unwonted Policy, the country feels calamity, and to these three so long used estates, your damnable inventions have now of late added a fourth, which is the Camp, and that hath necessarily many cruel passages, and when springs all these miseries but from a multitude of factious turbulent spirits that itch after novelty and change of Government.  Bar. 
Well well Kitt, say or do what thee and thy confederacy can we must have the stains of the Church washed of with the blood of the ungodly, we'll dash these babylonian brats against the stones, and in so doing think we do God good service, we'll have our own minds before we have done.  Chry. 
O Diabolical spirit how dost thou delude these simple people, how like an Angel of light art thou metamorphosed in these wretched times, to betray so many thousands of self conceited souls; Oh Barnaby I am sorry with all my heart that you have no more grace in you, Oh that you would expel from you those spirits of contention and Arrogancy, and instead of them embrace the spirits of humility and obedience that you would seek peace and pursue it, that you would give honour to whom honour is due, and be obedient unto Superiors, as unto the ordinance of God; and as those who must yield account for your Souls: but whilst this self love and contempt of government reigns in this Kingdom, we must expect nothing but inevitable ruin both in Church and State.  Bar. 
I hath thought a Cavalier had not had so many good words in's mouth, neither do I think many of you have; for verily 'tis for your wickedness that the godly are unforced to this nessessity of seeking bloodshed; your swearing and blaspheming must be chastised, and God I know hath put you into our hands.  Chry. 
Oh profane sacriligions miscreant, who told the thou art holier than I, none but the Devil who is a liar from the beginning, and the father of such liars as thou art; for I tell the once again that this very conceit of thy own sanctity and thy brother's imperfection, is a most damnable sin, and deserves eternal punishment why Barnaby if thou see or hease thy brother swear, Blaspheme or commit any unjust act, it behoves thee to reprehend such a one in the spirit of meekness, ●…rayning charity in the bond of Peace, this Salve (upon my life) would cure all the Ruptures and fractions of these calamitous times  Bar. 
Better and better I protest, thou hast spoken (brother Kit) more than I or any man would expect from a Cavalier, I had thought such as thee had nothing in your mouths but Dam and Sink, and such execrable imprecations.  Chry. 
Indeed brother if sewer did use that most damnable, unnatural, unnecessary, and unprofitable vice; yet it is too many by the whole number; but for my part and I know (God be thanked) there be many thousands as careful as myself to avoid that abominable sin; why I tell thee Barnaby thou art deceived in the very name and nature of a Cavalier, as thou art in all the rest of thy foolish opinions for a Cavalier signifies a Gentleman in what languag soever you speak is so that to say truth our enemies (through Ignorance) have conferred upon us a better ●it●e than they could wish us, and (to say truth) than a great number of us do deserve, for by this common title, every poor soldier of the King's army (though never so base in condition) is called a Cavalier, and consequently a Gentleman.  Bar. 
Is't possible we should be so deceived; a little more of this prithee, I like thy discourse well, what shall I do brother?  Chry. 
Practise (as I said before) humility and obedience, and leave of this foolish pride, self conceit, and self love, and be not deluded by simple mechanical men, who to get themselves popular applause, ●ee●e utterly to overthrow, and lay waste the house of God and all government of church and State, this contumatious arrogancy, provokes the ●ust and infallible judgement of God to give you over to a reprobate sense, that you shall believe lies against the known truth so long since planted and cultivated by the Doctrine and blood of so many Reverend, religious, painful, Learned and conscionable Bishops, and true Preachers of the truth, whose doctrine so planted cultivated, and established you seek utterly to abolish and to set up your own invented novelties in the place.  Bar. 
〈◊〉 but brother they tell us it is the pure word of God which they teach us, and that what soever was taught and practised in the church before was (for the most part) the instutions and inventions or men contrary to the written word, as the predominancy of the Bishops over the rest of the clergy, nay indeed the word clergy beggings to be apocryphal, the cross in Baptism, I & baptism itself too the King In Marriage, and after a sort marriage too, the Book of common prayer, & all other prayers but extemporal; with many other circumstances which I conceiveing that you know already, do hold impertinent and unnecessary to rehearse.  Chry. 
Have at the Scriptures itself next, you begin very boldly with it, for to uphold your own simple opinion of praying extempore, you explode and reject that sacred form of prayer taught by Christ's own mouth as a regular form for all prayer, he saying himself when you pray say thus, Our Father etc. which you Sectaries do so vilify and contemn that (as a friend of mine told me) an old Woman said a while ago, I thank God for it both I and my Children have almost forgotten the Lords prayer. Saint Paul saith, let brotherly love continue, do good to all, especially to the household of Faith; Let there be nothing done with contention and wrangling. but in the spirit of meekness, exhort one another, keep Charity firm in the bond of Peace; Let all things be done with decency and order; And other things will I (without writing) set in order when I come: but quite contrary to all this among your proud brethren, every one thinks his own way best; there's nothing but strife and contention; neither peace not charity will be harkened too: all things are done contrary to decency and Order; you'll do nothing but what's written, yet oppose what is written, is this well or not?  Bar. 
Well I think I must change my title from Caviller to Cavalier, for I confess all this is true that thou hast said, And I am hearty sorry that I knew not so much before, but have been lost all this while in a fog of Ignorance and stupidity; oh that with recalling myself (which by God's grace) I purpose, I could recall bacl my blinded Brethren, my gracious loving and Religious King, the usual trading and commerce of the honourable head City of London, prevent the calamity of Country, and cure the cares of the Court: Oh that my life may serve as an acceptable service in the behalf of the rest, to expiate those mutinous and contumelious outrages, which have driven the King from his Parliament, peace from the Country, trading from the City; and plenty with safety from the whole Nation.  Chry. 
Thou sayest well brother Barnaby, heaven continue that good disposition in thee, and grant that more of thy companions may follow thee, in this worthy Resolution; And then no doubt but before long (God being propitious to penitent prayers) all the things bewailed and wished for, would be removed and restored; And distracted and abused England, rendering both what is due to God and Caeser may reassume her pristine estate of honour and happiness, which heaven grant for his mercy sake: In the interim prayer and patience are the best salves to our grievous sores.  Bar. 
That's the only cure indeed, well brother Kitt a dieu, I hearty thank heaven and thee for this good discourse.  Chry. 
Adieu sweet Barnaby heaven us protect, and grant that all true prayers may take effect.  
FJNJS.