New News from the Old EXCHANGE.  
OR The COMMONWEALTH of Virtuous LAIDES lively deciphered: BEING A modest Answer to an immodest scurrilous Phamphlet, wherein are notoriously scandalised many Noble Persons, no less truly honourable for their effulgent Virtues, than their several respective Titles, in a poisonous Phamphlet, Entitled.  
News from the New-Exchange.  
Not Printed in the year of Women without Grace, but in that year when the Author of it with thousands more, manifestly have showed themselves to be almost graceless.  Virtus, post funera Vivet.  

New News from the Old EXECHANG.  
THere was once a time in England, when when the Author, of any scurrilous, or scandalous Pamphlet was sound lashed, for lashing at others; But those Nectar years have seemed these many years, (as if they did abhor the strangeness of our proceed) to become mere strangers unto us; and now too many, (more is the pity) are become too Lawless, O Times! O Manners! this is a strange, yet fatal alteration, when the Common shore arrogates unto its self, dominion, over the more noble Channels, and the Crystal Rivers are envenomed, if not totally poisoned with its stinking noisomeness; when Vice is deemed a Virtue, and Virtue a Vice: That Quondam Oracle of true Knowledge, (who lived in happier times, the ever famons and eternally renowned Sir Thomas Moor) was often wont to make this, or the like golden expression, That it was highly commendable to be good in a good age, but it was imcomparably admirable to be good in a bad.  
How ever then Malice calumniates the Nobler, and Heroic spirits, yet candied Innocency is such gallant Armour of proof, that the darts of hellish envy, can no way penetrate, but its glorious splendour, (howsoever obscured by calumny) like the Radiant Sun (obfuscated by some prodigious Cloud) still seems more amorous to each spectator.  
And since this is a truth undeniable, I doubt not them, but in some happy measure, lively to adumbrate many of their Virtues, whom this unmanly Author hath so abusively stigmatised, as guilty of so many notorious (or at least grand humane failings) as call not only the persons therein mentioned, but also their noble Issue, (however lawfully begotten) to a strange, and dubious account; and seems to speak Bastardy to the latter Births, no less then to the former's honour; nay, which may most justly amaze each knowing and impartial Reader, the Author, (as if he were borne to be a Firebrand on earth, and had devoted himself a sworn Servant to that inferior Prince who rules the lower Region, (and never had more power, in this superior Orb) as if he would swell until he burst again, with all infernal, and implacable malice; spits not only his venom against the living, but which strikes horror and just amazement into my inward bosom thoughts, speaks foully of the dead.  
Good God what an unexpected exchange of all things do we live to see? Time was when an honourable and strict account was made after all Varlets, as cast but the least Odium or Opprobium upon any noble person, and when a due punishment seconded it with a just carreire of Revenge, but now, who is so blind as will not see how times are altered.  
Each rustic Boar, and silly Wight,  
Is now become a Lamp of Light.  
But I shall not hint no more on the times, only from my heart Cordial wish, that their be a timely amendment ever's amiss, and so I change my Scene from the new Exchange to the old.  
I shall humbly crave leave, being an unfeigned Lover of true Virtue and Nobility (in some happy measure) to delincate or charanterice out their known Virtues, rather than the least to shadow out any of their natural failings, of whom I now (God willing) intent to write.  
Sure I am, 'tis the golden rule of Charity, charitably to construe all things; and therefore, though the height of my lawful ambition be not to vindicate all, as deeming that they are all fault less, or indeed that any one can be so, for they have all their failings, being at the best but poor frail Mortals; yet my just emulation shall be unfeignedly to adumbrate many of their Virtues, of whom I have hard observed, and am able to speak nothing; and as I shall altogether decline scurrilous expressions on the one part, for I shall totally abandon flattery on the other.  
Now lest I should make the Purcludium, like the Gates of Mindas, bigger than the City, (since method, facillitates, and graces all things) to avoid prolixety, I shall methodically proceed as followeth.  
First, to decipher what the Author of that poisonous Pamphlet entitled, New news from the New-Exchange, must necessary be.  
Secondly, the danger that may accrue to many noble persons, whose reputations are therein called to question, by reason of that ftivolous and scandalous aspersions, of that unknown Author.  
Thirdly, I shall endeavour to make an unhappy discovery of the hatitude of his diabolical malice.  
Fourthly, to manifest in part, the gallantry, and noble comportment of many therein mentioned.  
Fiftly, and lastly, to declare and manifest the ground and reason that moved the Author to their just Vindication.  

These are the chief heads to avoid prolixity.  
First, as concerning the Author, I should swerve from truth, and much wrong my own judgement if I should deem him a Man, since he plainly manifest himself a Beast, by his inhuman actions; no sure, he is some Monster of Nature, or Imp of Hell, which the Devil hath set lose on mere purpose to breed an universal irrecocilable variance in the hearts of the most noble spirits: were he a Man, he could not sure so fare have degenerated from mankind, as contraty to the bounds of Piety, Modesty, and Reason, have cast so unparralled defamation upon so many pious, virtuous, and noble hearts.  
Not to leave him yet, who hath long since left all goodness, I shall thus characterice him out.  
First, asserting him as one who is a sworn professed enemy both to Virtue, Piety, and true Nobility; else he could not with such frontless impudence have cast so many gross aspersions upon so many known Lovers, and happy Cherishers of true Virtue, (I shall hereafter inserte a List of their several names,  
Secondly, he is one that by his own writings, declares himself to have monopolised all Ribaldry and Bawdry: Good God, what a strange and unheard of concatenation of spurious Language hath he compiled together in his New Exchange; the Devil sure was at his elbow when first invented it, for when first I perused it, it made my eyes to water, my hands to snake, my heart to tremble, my senses astonished with a just amazement, and finally, it almost stroke an universal Palsy through my hole microcosm; in a word, me thoughts Hell itself could not, be fuller fraught with more diabolical expressions.  
Thirdly, and lastly, (to give the Devil his due) I am confident for his notorious parts, he justly deserves to be made grand Secretary to all the Pimps in Europe, for he is unhappily acquainted with all their clandestine proceed; and I am verily persuaded, if the Devil himself did want one, he would soon prefer him then any other, as being maturely ripe, for his devilships service; to whom ('tis too too much to be feered) he hath already devoted himself. Secondly, as touching the danger that may accrue to many noble persons therein mentioned, no rational Creature cannot but conclude, that it is superlatively scandalous to lay the least aspersion upon any person of the least known integrity, much more them, upon such as are no less honourable by descent then by their daily actions.  
The World (God knows) is too too apt to believe the worst, and a defamation once cast abroad is not so soon called in; bad News flies with swift Wings, and soon reaches the remotest parts.  
It is a brave Resolution of the gallant Spaniard, that he will hazard his life to defend and maintain his Honour, accounting it truly more happy honourable so to do, then to purchase his livelihood, to breathe out the remainder of his days in base sordid disgrace.  
I wish our Nobles would speak themselves truly noble in this gallantrey of Resolution, (sure then I am) there would not be so many ignoble Crimes ever and anon perpetrated to the just scandal both of themselves, and their progenitors; and having thus hinted unto them this Caution, I shall pass to the third Clause to make an unhappy discovery of the Latitude of his Diabolical Malice.  
And now me thinks I am launching into the deep, and in the very contemplation of his unsatible vast Malice, even almost stroke into a just and wonderful amazement, to think how universally he casts the Darts of his poisonous, envenomed, and all mischievous spleen, that no Age, Sex, nor Degree of Persons can avoid his fury, but in as much as in him lieth, he would stain them all, and make them altogether famous for their infamy; modesty prohibits me from making the least repetition of his scanda-Ribauldry, which were enough to speak contagion to the chastest hearer; I will therefore decline that, and give you a List of those persons of honour, at whom his implacable Malice hath spit his venom: and so pass to the fourth particular, to manifest in part the gallentry and noble deportment of many therein mentioned; whose Names I shall set down in order as he hath formerly named them, now the two first are these two, who as he impudently affirms, have undergone all Offices from a Corporal to a Colonel's place.  
Thus Monsterlike, as truly he may say,  
Light causeth Darkness, Darkness makes the day.  
For in the forefront of his diabolical New Exchange, he first mentioneth the Right Honourable the Countess of Kent, as also the good old Countess of Exeter, whom he styles not good, because good and he are sure become great strangers; both them his malice pleaseth to nominate, for these two ought to lead the Van of his Designment; next, (to avoid tedious discourse) I shall only mention those of whom I have ever heard a very honourable report of, silincing to speak any thing of them to I am a mere stranger; of whom my Charity shall ever judge the best, and if I be mistaken, sure I am, that I am only guilty of a pious error.  
Next to the two former occurs the Right Honourable the Countess of Carlisle, Peterborough, Devon-shire, Salisbury, Rutland, then that ever truly honourable Lady, the marchioness of Winchester, whose Piety and Patience in all her sufferings, speaks her second unto none in Virtues and Academy; then the Countess of Bath, and also that noble Lady Savill, alias Sussex, who is only envied for her noble and affable Comportment; not long after, the Countess of Newport, with divers others, of which if I should speak any thing, being I know them not, it might seem to speak flattery, which I altogether abominate.  
Note Reader, that the Persons whom I have formerly mentioned, are undoubtly such as are ●o less Honourable for their resplendent Virtues, than their several Titles, and to them especially I humbly dedicate these my weak yet willing endeavours; as also, to all others who are cordial Lovers of true Virtue, which indeed is true Nobility: for their sakes only, I writ this Old Exchange, (which is the fifth clause) for I may well term Virtue to be of the eldest Family, since she was of the first descent: God made all things good, and it is only Satan's policy, that hath caused so strange a metamorphoses.  
To sum up all in a word, I shall brie●ly give you this Golden Character, if to be exemplarily religious, liberal, affable, and of a generous noble comportment, and of a high and gallant Resolution, justly deserve to be calumniated, than all those whom I have formerly nominated, without the least stain, or derogation to their Honour, may plead high guiltiness, for they are high guilty of these, and for no other Crimes than such as these are, this unknown base Varlet, by the Devil's especial instigations, (who is the grand Composier of all mischief) spits his poisonous venom in all base expressions of Ribaldry, and scurroulous Language against them; but as Fire and Water, Light and Darkness, so Virtue and Vice, are incompatible Companions.  
Fifthly, as touching the motion that induced me to this their just Vindication, it was no other, (nor could it be any more powerful) then (in as much as in me lieth) to vindicate their Honours, whom I ever knew to be true Lovers and continual Cherishers of Virtue; Witness their daily Piety to GOD, and their accustomed and well-known Charity to all good Christians, that are droven (through these sad distractions of these deplorable times) into a Lamentable, and most miserable condition.  
To conclude by way of Exhortation to all, and a word or two of the Author, I shall desire every noble heart to follow the example of a pious learned, religion, grave old Father, who when he came where all things were out of order, would thus charitably censure of the Owners, Good God one may easily perceive how great care these people take for their Souls, they mind those eternal things so little, and on the contrary if he found them well placed in order, he would again say, Good God, see what good people are these, how great a care they take for their souls, that so well order their eternal affairs still charitably judging the best.  
Lastly, as touching the prodigious Author of the New-Exchange, not swarving from the former Rule, for he speak't himself no otherwise in all his actions, I may truly say as followeth.  
If ever Miscreant from Hell,  
Upon the Universe, did dwell,  
Whose sole, and full, and base intent,  
Was upon earth to cause descent,  
Then without fraud, I'll boldly say,  
This Author doth deserve the day.   

Note Reader, that there is a foolish nonsensical, and most ridiculous Phamphlet, lately written by one T. B. Entitled— by way of vindication of so many honourable Personages; if you have your senses about you, pray take heed how you buy it, for having casually read it, I must ingeniously tell you that I found a Chaos of nonsense in it.  
Who writ the New-Exchange, I dare proclaim,  
To be no Fool, but yet a Knave in grain.  
Who writ the last, to vindicate their fame,  
Speaks himself fully, T. B. being his Name;  
For if Tom Blockhead you will understand,  
By T. and B. loc here 'tis underhand.   
FINIS.