Oats New sham's Discovered: And how they carried it on from Time to Time, Sent in a Letter to his Grace James Duke of Monmouth from Doctor Titus Oates.  
ABout ten years ago, this Kingdom I say, was got with Child, with a huge and horrible Popish-plot, it had neither Head nor Foot, but sixty thousand Rumps and Tails, and what d'ye call'ems. Now Sir about five yeras ago— her Belly began to Gripe— she made foul Faces and looked very black in the Fundament, and fell into Labour with this Plot; and was very ill indeed, she fathered the Plot upon the Jesuits, and several other persons of Quality— and several of the Papists where hanged and cut in pieces and the rest Beggared and Ruined, and all the able Men-Midwives in England were sent for, to help to deliver her of this great Belly: First that great states Midwife, Shaftsbury— who took his turn for four years together, and at the lastwith a full Resolution to fetch it out, thrust his hand a little too far, and broke a Leg or an Arm, and was forced to run away to save his Neck. Then was chose a Counsel of six of the able states Midwives in the Kingdom to try Experiments, amongst whom the Lord Russel scorning to be out done; fell to work Tooth and Nail; but being too hot upon't happens to lay hold on the Arse gut and all beshit his Fingers. Upon this misfortune he fell into a desperate passion: and in revenge resolved to cut his Majesty's Throat, but just in the attempt his own Head dropped off.  
Next comes Midwife Grace, but having just left his two Wives behind the Curtain which were really Sisters, and he not being able to satisfy one, his Horns on a sudden sprouted out so much longer than his Arms, that they gored Britain into the Belly before he could reach it, which put her into such a Fit of Torture and Kicking, as frighted him out of his sense and sight of the World, that he was never seen since.  
Then comes E— x with serious reserved deliberate gravity: And as soon as he had felt how it was with her— he pretended to wish that the K. did but know half so much as he did, but feeling the second time— she unmannerly slapt her Tail in his Eye, and pissed in his Face— which caused some of the Deputy Midwives to laugh at him; which put the Earl into such a passion, that he swore the K. had a hand in it— for which and other Crimes he was clapped up; and in revenge he played the fool and cut his own Throat.  
Then comes thundering Tickle me Tom, and he was so foolish Rash he'd needs father the Pug before it was Born; he was so in love with the Bastard that he attempted to out of the Royal Line to make a King on't: which made Britain up with her heel and hit him a dab o'th' the Chaps and farted in his Face, Gad, what does he do for madness, but transforms himself into the Spawn of a Makrel and was never heard of since.  
Next comes Perking Teckely— though a Bastard he had an undoubted Right to the Imperial Crown of England, he laid both his Commissions, Life, and his expected Crown, that he'd fetch it out the first attempt without difficulty. Then he falls to work, Sir, upon the Brat, and got by the back with both hands at once— and pulled it with such an undaunted Courage that five hundred Rumps and Tails come off in his hands— and he lost his hold, which so inflamed his Grace, that he turned up her Tail, and shown her Nakedness to forty thousand of the Rabble— which made Britain pull him by the Lugs— and wrapped a Lady's shitten Smock about his Chaps and Eyes and sent his Addle-head, Reeling Blindfold from the Land of Promise to Wapping; where the other Sister wiped his Chaps— and he sputtered and Hectored about and threatened Revenge for a while; at last was lost in a Mist; like Aenvas, for ingratitude and never was heard of since— a great many more made the like attempt, with such or worse success— and some hanged, some in hold, some turned Trimmers and the rest run away: for just in the interim when the K. was to have been Murdered comes me in— one Howard, Rumsey West, and Keeling— and undertook to deliver this great Belly— and upon the word of a Priest, they handled it with such Dexterity, that in a fortnight's time, they brought out this great Monster— and what do you think it was that made all this noise-e'en honest Presbyter John— a Delicate Bade, but so stuffed with' Soiciations, Noble Feer's Speech; Holy Leagues, and Covenants, etc. that it was Farting full again: And being Incubus it spoke as soon as it was Born, and named above sixhundred Fathers that were at the getting on't- Shaftsburys, Tongue, and myself, three of the Chief-then drwing its Mouth on one side; Cried, You must all turn Turks or be damned and ever since I have had a great Ambition to leave off my Hypocritical Jump, and turn Muffty. But how do you think this Brat served us at l●st; for all we have licked it into five hundred shapes and colours nothing serves its turn but speaking truth with a Pox to the Rascal: and has spoiled all our future proceed; and we have lost the Charter into the bargain. But as for Popish Commissions, Spanish Pilgrims, Black Bills, French Armies, Pickerings Guns, Teuxbury Mustard Balls, Popish plots etc. I received ready money for them, both from Court and City at once: but now, notwithstanding all my Guards, I was arrested three or four times a week, and have neither Plot nor Commission to make a penny on, to help myself withal; and my Bums, like a company of Ravenous Wolves, are ready to tear my heart out. But for west's Blunderbuss, Wilamans' Cannon, most of them are visibly taken and Seized by the K. Just now my sacred person was seized for twenty pounds due for linen, which I took up to wipe clean my Bum. To conclude Sir, unless our party can get to a head, before the K. calls a Parliament, all our Gang must of necessity fly to your Mightiness for refuge— Therefore I beseech you let the Sarraglio, be forthwith made ready for me and my Retinue— for Bums, I shall carry fourscore along with me, for Whores and Bawds, let there be two thousand made ready: for I intended to out do Solomon in Lechery, Mahomet in Blasphmy, and Judas in Perjury and Treachery.   

LONDON, Printed for Absalon Chamberlain, in Red-bull Play-house-yard over against the Pound in St. John-street; near Clerken-well-green.