The Pleasant HISTORY OF Tom Ladle: WITH THE Transactions of Peter the ploughman, and Betty his Mother.  
 woodcut of Betty and Peter?  

licenced according to Order.   
Printed for J. Blare at the Looking-glass on London-bridge, near the Church,   

The Pleasant HISTORY OF Tom Ladle; WITH THE Transactions of Peter the ploughman and Betty his Mother.  
ALSO How Tom was Avenged of the Intruding Barber, and also of the intermeddling person.  
Intermedlers oft prepare  
shane and Derision for their share.  

licenced according to Order.   
Printed for J. Blare at the Looking-glass on London-bridge, near the Church.   


CHAP. I. How Peter the ploughman wooed Betty, Tom Ladle's Mother, with what happened.  
IN the Country lived with a worthy Lady a Maid-servant, who was more handsome than rich, her Fortune consisting only of a good Face; and such small moneys and clothes as she had gained in service: The premises considered, and also well knowing that it is but slippery holding by Holly Branches, she resolved to accept the proffers of Peter the ploughman( who had long suited her) the next time he should ask her the question. Peter had somewhat more than she, but not much; yet rather than she would run the hazard of losing her Teeming time, she would venture that manner of living( which amongst Love-toys is but little considered.) The Business was not long deferred, but upon the first opportunity he renewed his old svit, and in short time gained what he long had pursued with little hopes. They having thus far proceeded, nothing was wanting but the consent of the Lady,( who was noble to her Servants that matched with her consent,) but who should ask that question was the question, for she was loth, and he resolved rather to break off the Match, than to go about to speak to the Lady upon any such Errand; for her part she was in long doubt, but recalling to mind all the beforemention'd Considerations, she pluc'kd up a good heart, early one Morning in her Ladies Chamber, who then was a dressing, where after some pauses, and fluttering of words, she broken the matter to her Lady, who at first seemed amazed( for she judged the Wench to deserve a better Fortune) but recovering her judgement, she answered her with words suitable to the occasion: But the Wench persisting in the svit with much earnestness, her Lady bid her go forward, and feel the smart of her folly; the Wench hasting out of the Chamber, said, That she could better endure both the smart and pain all her life long, then she could endure the present itching: which being spoken with a dry simplicity, caused all present to laugh.  
The sly fed Sow little knows  
What 〈…〉 r the Meat she eats, she owes:  
Even so, pampered Wenches will be Wives,  
To leave plenteous quiet for sorry lives.   

CHAP. II. How Tom's Mother went to Market, where she met with a Gallant, and what happened with Peter's and Betty's Marriage.  
LEave being granted, the day of Marriage was soon appointed, and they both judged what was necessary for the solemnizing of that ensuing Feast, saving some small matter that was to be bought at Market, whither she went; as she traveled the Road, it was her Fortune to meet with a neighbouring Gentleman, with whom she falling into discourse, it was agreed to go to his Inn; where they being Arrived, and Chambered, he freely calls for burnt Claret, she not acquainted with its strength, swallowed it down hastily, she thinking the sweetness thereof had been the worst, became thereby so mettled in discourse, and so enflamed in colour, that it added much to her natural parts, and so much to his courage, that at last he began to move her to yield to his desires; at first she seems coy, but he Firing some Chase Guns at her Honesty, she but weakly tried to defend her self against a Man of War, of his Force; in conclusion she was forced to tack a Stern, and strike Sail, and enter into so amorous an Encounter, that the furious Youth well nigh had sunk her in the Ocean of delight. In the end of this rencounter he became an altered Man, for he who but now, even now went on like a lion, became more tame than an Ass; then recollecting all the folly past, and that for one moments pleasure, he had run the hazard of losing his Father's Affection who had disinherited his Eldest Brother, for getting a Wench with Child; and he well foresaw, that he must not expect more favour from him on the self same occasion.  
The eager Youth with heat pursues  
What he no sooner gained, but rues.  
But Betty perceiving the Change, though she knew not the reason, advanced towards him, asking him how he came now so altered in his humors, who but even now had enjoyed what he so eagerly desired, to whom he  told the reason; whereat she smiled, and said, let not that trouble you, for my business to Market is to buy necessaries for my Marriage, which is to be on Monday next, and shall you vouchsafe the pains to come, you shall be hearty welcome. He upon the news recovers his lost courage, and rallies anew, they to their own liking afterwards pursuing the looseness of their wild Affections, where he got her with Child, which the poor ploughman owned; as afte●●ards shall appear, he being like many of ●●ose who Father anothers Labours to their own disgrace.  
The Gallant and she being both weary, and night calling for a return, they by consent pack homeward, and where they met, there they partend much satisfied in their past recreation, vowing to each other a perpetual correspondency, where they shall rest till Monday; which day no sooner comes, but all parties concerned hast forward to solemnize the Bridal Feast to which the youngster hastens amongst the rest; to Church they go, Sir John opens his Book, proceeds to the half, then calls for moneys, saying he could not trust; some Peter gave him, but not enough, which he refuses, whereat the Bride being angry,  told him, that the greatest of his labour being wind, if he grudged it so much, he might keep it to cool his Pottage, and let so many words be omitted as countervailed the wanting part; whereupon the covetous person being ashamed, and hearty laughed at, proceeded to the conclusion, and all content, home they went to Dinner.  
Table being taken away, some fell to drinking, some to dancing, and others to courting the Maids; of which he was one of the foremost, giving slip to the company, he got the opportunity to be lead into the Brides Room; who pretending not to be well, was laid down; the Room was dark, and they thought the freelier to pass the time without suspicion, for her Mother had taken the task upon her to answer all demand.  
But when Danger's least our fear,  
Then is danger oft most near.  
For so then it came to pass; for Peter longing to have a kiss of his Bride( unknown to the mother) steals in, whose sudden arrival made the Gamesters begin to shift; but as ill Fortune would have it, a short Board being carelessly laid over an empty broken-headed Barrel, upon which he unadvisedly stepped, and so fell in, with so hideous a noise, that Peter was almost frighted out of the Room, but the care of his Bride so encouraged him, that laying all danger aside, he boldly came to the Bed-side, where he found poor Love in a Tub, and his wife half dead, through the surprisal and fear; he soon knew him, and spared no threatening Language, though in such secret wise, that none else knew ought thereof; the young 〈…〉 n excused her, and generously undertook all the blame, giving the cuckolded some Guinea's, which so eased his mind, that he had almost forgot to keep the Amorous Gallant out of the Trap, who was not a little overjoyed that he had past so eminent a danger, and brought her out of that fear with so little charge and trouble.  
Faw that this Reads, but well doth know,  
That Love will creep where it cannot go:  
And Women with rich Men may be bold,  
For Cuckold's Sight are dim with Gold.   

CHAP. III. How Tom was born, his Mother lost her first Gallant, and how she entertained Cut-beard the Barber, with what happened.  
ENdeavours, and Time swelled Betty's Belly, who shortly after was delivered of a brave Boy, to whom the Gallant was God-Father, and as became his quality, he gave the Gifts of a well-bred Gentleman; which so endeared Betty's Affections towards him, that they were grown even to dotage, and his kindness was in all respects so indulging, that she never doubted their change. But alas! the Sun that shone yesterday, this day is Set, and he to his grief must not only be married, but also live far from the Jewel of his heart, which happened so suddenly, that he had not the least opportunity to give Betty notice ther●●f; of which she was sometime ignorant, but no sooner heard thereof, but like a mad woman, she endangered the running out of her wits. But Cut-beard the Barber being a Smell-Smock, and handsome, who all along tendered her his Service, so handled the matter( who under the notice of giving of physic) had the recourse unto her, that he not only persuades her out of her sorrow, but also got her good will, which he freely possessed with all she had, till Tom grew up and went to School.  
Tom being one day come from School, perceived the Barber and his Mother doing som●thing, but what he knew not, nevertheless supposed the thing to be to the disadvantage of his Mother, she being undermost, and contrary to her will, caught up a new mended Lad●… out of which stuck a sharp piece of Wy●… with which he let drive at the Barber's Posteriors, and not only wounded him, but mad●… leave his sport to see what enemy gave hi●… that back blow, when he least dreamed o●… more Battels to fight, then what he was engaged in; the hasty Barber( not dreaming o●… ensuing Evil) struck the Boy such a blow o●… the Ear, that he felled him; which his Mother espying, so foully fell upon the Barber, that with the noise Peter came in, who seeing the fray, and the boy crying, made without further examination, the fourth Person, and so belaboured poor Cut-beard, that with Breeches in hand, he was forced to betake himself homeward both through thick and thin. The Barber gone, and Peter return'd, he asked the reason of the Quarrel, to whom she said, that he out of his kindness, starting upon a Jointstool to take down a Cheese, fell, hurt himself and broken down his Breeches, and in the fall hurt the Child, for which they were then at Wars; he no sooner hearing that, but said, She did Ill to abuse, and cause to be abused, a man that was in no fault, for hastening out of doors, posted after his Neighbour, who ha●… king but even now got up his Breeches, and seeing Peter coming after him( fraught with a guilty Conscience) fled like a Hare before the Dog; for he only considered the danger that ●… as behind, and not minding a low Hedge just ●… efore him, which he to his sorrow fell over, ●… reeking his Shins, and to amend the matter, ●… e fell into a Pond half full of Water, and half ●… ll of Puddle, which was just behind the Hedge, in which he doubtless had been drowned, had not the most charitable cuckolded alive him helped him out, home, and to bed, where he lay some time in a bad posture. But in the mean time, many of Tom's Play-fellows hearing his Out-cry, asked the question what the matter was, to which as the time would ●… erve, she answered that he had shit in the Ladle, for which he was whipped; whereat all ●… aughing, called him Tom Ladle; which name Winter and Summer he retained all the days of his Life.  
Old love raked up, and though in Embers hide,  
Will nevertheless all equal power forbid.   

CHAP. IV. How the Barber and Betty were reconciled, 〈…〉 how Tom Ladle was revenged on them bo●●  
WHat the Eye sees not, the Heart rues 〈…〉 so fell it out with Peter; for had he kno●… the truth of the Quarrel, the Devil( dou●…less) might have had the Barber e'er he wo●… have so much urged his Wife to go visit 〈…〉 as he did; through his importunity she 〈…〉 only visits him, but makes a good spiced bo●…led Pudding for him to eat, she knowing he above all things loved that meat. Tom feel●… his Mother so busy, asked her, Who that w●… for? she said, It was for the Barber, and so w●●● to fetch a Pot of good Ale to carry with he●… Tom was full of revenge in his mind, fir●… being beaten, next, being Nick-named, which had so rancor'd in his little Stomach, that 〈…〉 resolved never to let slip any occasion of r●…quital: wherefore he finding this opport●…nity, filled another bag full of T—, took o●… the Pudding,( which he favourly with h●… Trusty Friends afterwards eat) and put the stinking Bag into the Pot; she coming in, and mistrusting nothing less, hastens with the Concern to the Barber, who being ill at ease( though he remembered the yesterdays injuries) yet received her kindly; but no sooner had she turned out her parboil'd T—, but there was such a smoking stink, that the Barber concluded that she had brought the same to have poisoned him; poor Betty was so amazed, that she could scarcely say any thing in her own defence; but Necessity has no Law, she must either defend her innocency or run the hazard of being beaten by a half distracted man; for he raged, and in his fury threw the Bed-staff at her, and was coming out of Bed with the other, to second his endeavours of revenge; she seeing his intention, closes within him, and throws the wound●… Barber on the floor, and with the Fall breaks his ston Chamber-pot, and so hurts ●is Back, that the poor Barber was forced to go to Bed half dead and half mad; but she having got the upper hand in that encounter, by her Protestations cleared her self of the imputed crime, and for that time left him. The Barber being recovered, he afterwards courted Tom up for his Mothers sake; but Tom being not to be decoyed with Sugarplums, in his mind proclaimed War against both the Barber and Mother, and resolved to break either their Hams, Hearts, or Necks.  
Tom seeing his Mother and the Barber very merry together at the Alehouse, and about to return, creeps into the Barber's shop at a bro●… en Window, and under a parcel of Hair puts ●… ome Gunpowder, and by it places the Tinder-box, and so goes to play; they high them home, and he regarding nothing more than to please his Friend, makes hast to strike Fire, but had the ill Fortune to light amongst the unseen Powder, which blew up with such a career, that he and she thought the Devi●… had come for them both, the suddenness of the flash so amazed her, that she bewrayed her self, so that she was not able to stir for fear of being smelled; but the poor Barber lost all the Hair off his Eye-brows, tumbled back, and broken his best Looking-glass, which cut his head; but alas! that was not all, for there stood in the way a Pan of Charcoal; which in the Fall he touching, fell all upon him, and some of it into his best Breeches, that e'er he could discharge himself thereof, it burnt through the broad-side; how flesh and blood endured it, that I leave to People that have tasted the like Fiery Trials; but I doubt not but it cooled the heat of both of them, and administered Talk amongst the suspicious, and delight enough to honest Tom Ladle.  
Beware of Tricks, lest you with Tricks be beaten,  
Like to him burnt, and she her self be— ten.   

CHAP. V. How in Process of time Tom growing too confident of his Tricks, was accordingly paid off, and what happened.  
THE Barber( as I said before) and Tom for a long time kept good correspondence, till he, both too full of revenge, and too presumptuous, was caught in his own wile, and beaten for his pains. But going from School home on the Saturday at Noon to Dinner, seeing no one, and hearing some noise( suspecting the matter) peeped in, and sees his Mother, and the Barber engaged in a Love duel, which time had taught him better to understand than formerly; which he no sooner sees, but silently and unperceived goes out of the house; all things rest till he went to catechizing, where amongst other young People the Barber was present; it unluckil● fell upon Tom's share to be asked, How many Commandments there were? Tom says, Nine; to which, angrily, the person said, How happens that? there was one more; yea, saith Tom, there was Ten before the Barber and my Mother broken one of them At which Answer ye may all judge how all the people laughed, and the Barber for very shane slunk out of Doors, and home he goes to Betty, and relates the Adventure to her, and withall concludes, that Tom had been the Instrument of all foregoing mischiefs; bidding her, during her correcting him, to put the same to him. She persuades her Husband to go to carry a Token to her Lady, that she had provided for that purpose: He accepts of the Message, by which means she had free liberty to call her Son to an Account, who( for his rash Roguery) knew he well deserved it. He cunningly stolen to bed, but all in vain, that will not serve poor Tom's turn; the Devil owed him a shane, and he sent his Mother to pay it him. Tom being in Bed, and thinking the worst had been past) up comes his Mother, armed at all Points with a Birchin Rod, which she exercised upon his blind Cheeks to some purpose: Poor Tom, like a fresh-water soldier, answers all Interrogatories, owning all his past faults, for which he was paid in bloody coin; nor durst he tell stories, though he could scarcely staud or go. But no sooner had he recovered, but he resolved to be revenged, and once more try his Fortunes, which was as followeth. The Barber had a mere, which he dearly loved, which was big with Foal, under whose Tail Tom put a bundle of Nettles, which caused her to winch ●… k till she had cast her Foal, and was almost dead. The Barber coming home, espying Tom upon the run, crys halloo to a muzzl'd Mastive-Dog, that he had; who soon overtaking Tom, first turned him into a plate of Nettles, and then in a bad condition being got up, and thinking to gain a narrow Gate( the Dog pursuing of him) they were so locked in together, that the Barber had a fair mark at his Breech, which he so peppered that Tom was forced both to cry mercy for all former deeds, and promise no more to meddle with him.  
The Barber seeing his mischievous humour, was resolved to be even with him, and turn his malice another way. Wherefore he  told the person, who promised the next time to give him due Correction; which he did, and so flaugh'd his Breech, that Tom's malice was wholly bent to be revenged of him and the Barber at once. Not long after that, the Boys having leave to play, the person and the Barber went to the next Town to be merry; Tom but little, but full of mischief, takes an Apple, cuts it in many pieces, and in each piece puts a crooked Pin, fastened to a Pack-thread, which he threw amongst the greedy goose, who danced such a dance( that to Tom's content) lost all their lives. No sooner he unseen done this, but he goes to a Corn Field, through which they needs must come, and ties the Heads of the Corn together in many places; by which means, coming home, they both fell, and the Barber broken a lusty Bottle of Ale that was to be carried home for the Parson's Wife. The person swaggered at the misfortune, but the Barber  told him that it was Tom Ladle's Roguery; and he then believed he must not expect to go free, for his last whipping given to Tom; for his part he had received so many evils from that cursed Cur, that he desired not to have more to do with him. They thus walking and freting, often fell-down, till at last they got home; where no sooner Arrived, but the Parson's Children meeting him,  told him that they should have Goose pies enough, for they were all dead, and hung upon a Packthread. The person almost mad, caused the Barber hearty to laugh, which so enraged the covetous person( he being Pot-valiant) that he struck the Barber such a blow on the Head, that had not the good Wife interposed, there had been much mischief done between them in their Cups, and all through Tom's means.  
'Tis not Strength alone that Arms a man,  
But Wit, with little Strength conjoined can.   

CHAP. VI. How Tom was beaten, and how he was revenged both of the Barber and the person, and all the Scholaers, with what happened.  
HE that hath an evil name, is reputed half hanged; so fell it out with Tom, for no Roguery was done in Town, but he was blamed for it. Wherefore he no sooner came to School, but he was soundly jerked, which severe usage, made him busy himself for a revenge. He was much jear'd for his often being whipped, as also for shitting in the Ladle, by his fellow Scholars, which he stomached extremely. And therefore one day, when leave was granted to play, and some Boyes busied in Swimming( which was forbidden) others in Robbing of Apple-trees; with several like unlawful Exercises, all which he  told to his Master; for which the next Morning there was a general whipping throughout the School. Tom thought himself somewhat satisfied for the injuries done him by them.  
School being done, the person  told the Boys that Tom Ladle was the cause of their whipping; for which he no sooner got out of School, but they seized him, and with a handful of Nettles, so whipped him, that Tom was glad to make Truce, and Swear by all his Roguery, never to betray them more; which so long as he was a School-Boy he duly obsered.  
The person and the Barber meeting, laughed hearty at Tom's disgrace, but he resolved to pay them off in their own coin. The person and the Barber( for the blows given) had been sometime at variance; but on a holiday they agreed to go to Market to be merry, and drink down all ill will. Tom having notice of their intentions, prepared for a new revenge, for his last affront done by their contrivance. Wherefore he ties the corner of a sheet to the top of a long Pole, and upon the top place, a small lantern, in which was a Candle; then gets he the Barbers Dog, which he covers over with some old linen clothes; and places on his back some Squibs and Crackers, and hung at his Tail a Sheeps Bell; in the evening he repairs to a place by which they must needs pass, and there plants himself; it being about two yards from a Gate to which he was tied. All things being ready, and he hearing them come, waits diligently to make every of his contrivances to play its part. Fire being put to every Squib, Cracker, and Serpent; which will burn a certain time eer they discharge their Fury; but to the matter, no sooner did they appear; but at the Corner of the Hedge he lifts up his Sheet and lantern; saying, Wo to the Drunkards; they hearing the noise, at first started; but by the snorting of their Horses, they supposed it to have been some Ghost, as they considered the matter, Tom threw out a Squib, a Cracker, and a Serpent, which so frighted their Horses; that nolens, volens, they fled till they came at the Gate. In the mean time he lets slip the Dog, who frighted with the Fire, and Crackers, made hast homeward, and run full tilt amongst the Horses, who right or wrong broken down the Gate, and passed homeward as if the Devil had driven them. The Dog pursued them close, hoping for redress from his frighted Master, came so near the Horses, that the Barber for fear fell into a swoon, and the person running but a little further fell in a quag mire; the smell of their Breeches; left Tom a scent to find them out the better, who coming to the Barber, recovered them out of his fears, and made him swear never to come near his mother; then to the person he goes, who seeing him, cried out, Avoid Satan. But Tom hearty laughing aloud, let him know his error, the Barber having got his Horse, came up and helped the person out of the Bog, where it was agreed, that Tom should be silent, and they to be his ever faithful Friends.  
FINIS.    

 woodcut of Betty and Peter?