THE PROCEED, Votes, Resolves, AND ACTS Of the late Half-quarter Parliament, CALLED The RUMP: As it was taken out of their own Journal-Books, and Printed for the general Satisfaction of the NATION.  
London, Printed for John Thomason. 1660.   

THE RUMPS JOURNAL, etc.  

Thursday, Jan. 27.  
ORDERED,  
THat the Members now met together, do sit here as long as they live, in spite of the People's teeth; and that the Government of the Nation be entailed up on their Heirs successively unto Eternity; and that this their Resolution be forthwith confirmed by an Act of the House.  
Accordingly an ●ct was brought in, and ordered to be speedily engrossed; the tenor whereof was as followeth:  
WHEREAS the Parliament have thought fit, for the good of themselves, to keep the Government in their own hands as long as they live: And whereas well knowing how laudable a thing it is for Fathers to provide for their Children, (seeing that the Ape hath a kindness for her own Whelps) that they may always have cause to bless the tender care of their deceased Parents, we are also Resolved to continue the said Government to our Heirs and Assigns for ever; which intention of ours, there is nothing but the Day of Judgement can hinder, for that, as we are informed, will put an end to the World within a small period of years, and consequently destroy the reign of our Posterity.  
Be it therefore Enacted by this present Parliament, and by the Authothority thereof, That no person or persons whatsoever, whether Red-coat or Red-coats, Bluecoat or Blue-coats, Cavalier or Cavaliers, or whatever other Faction soever, that conceive themselves aggrieved by us, do attempt or endeavour to molest, disturb or hinder our sitting during the whole term of ours and their natural lives; and that our Sons, and our Sons Sons do tyrannize over this Nation for ever and ever. And we do further Enact and Declare, that the aforesaid Day of Judgement is hereby disannulled, abolished, and straight forbid, as if it had never been intended; And all creatures both in heaven and earth, are required to take notice of this Act, and to give obedience thereto, upon penalty of our displeasure, and the anger of our Posterity, who we hope will be no better than ourselves.   

Friday, January 28.  
Resolved upon the Question, That Tyranny and Oppression are not only lawful, but expedient for the Management of the public Affairs; and that Justice Morality, Conscience, and Privileges of the People, are but mere airy notions, and destructive to the peace of the Commonwealth.  
This day they also made an Act declaring what should be Treason.  
WHEREAS it concerns those who are got into Authority, to look well about them for their own Security, and to be as subtle as heir enemies can be for heir hearts and bloods; And whereas we the Rump and Bum of a wrongfully disturbed Parliament, have taken upon us to succeed the Thirty Tyrants of Athens, in the monster u●●ss of their Fame, And where is there are millions of people who care not a fort fo● us and would do all they could to destroy us, yet plead the Laws of the Land for their Contrivances against us, we have therefore though sit to publish our Commandments, and to chalk out unto them what ●s Treason against us, and what not, for that 'tis impossible for them to know unless, they be told; Be it therefore Enacted by this present Rump, and the An h●●●ty hereof, That who every yieldeth not an exact Obedience unto us both in thought, word, and deed, shall be guilty of high Treason. Who ever putteth not off his Hat, and maketh not three Congees to us as we pass through the Hall, shall be guilty of high Treason. Who ever talketh ●o us with his Hat on, and dares to reprehend us for any enormity which we shall commit, shall be guilty of high Treason. Who ever shall see a Rumper in bed with his wife, and is not patiented and willing, and holdeth not his tongue, shall be guilty of high Treason. If a Rumper, being in the majesty of his thoughts as high as Ahab, shall happen to covet the Vineyard of Naboth, and shall make demand thereof, and shall be refused, who ever shall make such refusal, shall be guilty of high Treason. Who ever shall demand any Debt or Debts due from a Rumper, be they more or less, shall be, and is hereby adjudged guilty of high Treason Lastly, That Mr. Harrington shall be, and is hereby declared guilty of high Treason, for publishing the Mysteries of Government in a profane Coffee-house, and seeking to impose upon us his silly Oceana, as if we knew not our own intentions, and what sort of Government was best for our turn better than he did.  
Resolved upon the Question, That Mr. Scot shall, as soon as he is dead, go to heaven without let or morestation, notwithstanding a certain place of Scripture which seems to intimate the contrary from the practice of his life.  
Ordered, That Mr. Scot do print the Sermons of Mr. Roe, from the Copies which he hath writ in the Abbey, and that the Stationer give him as much proportionably, as Adoniram had for the Assemblies Catechism.  
Ordered, That though Mr. Scot, as he is Secretary of State, have liberty to dive into the secrets of men's hearts, that he do not so often dive into the secrets of women's bodies, as he used to do, lest he fail the Secretary-ship sooner than they are willing the Secretary-ship should fail him.   

Saturday, January 29.  
This day the House agreed upon an Act, for putting an Excize upon Trapsticks and Whirligigs, in these following words:  
WHEREAS we do perceive a very great disaffection in the Children and Boys of this Nation to our Government, by singing Ballads to our disgrace, and calling us the Rump at every word; which hatred to us is grown so high, that though they can be able to spend many a brass Farthing and single Penny upon Whirligigs and Trapsticks, for their own delight, yet they are altogether unwilling to contribute the least mi●e toward our crying necessities. That therefore we may be too cunning for them in their wicked intentions, and gain from them as well as from the rest of the Nation, Be it Enacted and Ordained by this present Parliament, and the Authority thereof, That there be a New Excize laid upon the Instruments of their Pastime; that is to say, Three farthings upon every Trapstick that shall be sold for a penny, and five farthings upon every Box Grass-cat which is sold for two pence; and one farthing for every dozen of Whirligigs that shall be sold for a half penny: And it is further Ordained, That Mr. Leadsum the Informer be Collector of the several Sums so to be gathered, and that the said Sums so collected shall be equally divided among the Members for their own private and particular uses.  
Resolved upon the Question, That the Apothegm of Trajan the Emperor, Dulcis odor lucri ex re qualibet, be writ in Letters of Gold, and placed over the House door.  
Ordered, That the famous Book, commonly called Aretine's Postures, be bound up in Turky-leather, with gilded Leaves, and that it be presented to Mr. Martin in the name of the House, as an Acknowledgement of their Thanks to him for his many good services.  
Ordered, That he have a particular Dispensation for having two wives, because it is not fit that there should be any general Rule without some Exceptions.  
Ordered, That Mr. Dove be Brewer to the Navy, that he may not forget his Calling, as Col. Pride was in the Protectors time.   

Monday, January 30.  
Ordered, That there be another High Court of Justice erected with all convenient speed, and that Sir Arthur Hesilrigg be Precedent thereof, and that it be committed to his discretion to pronounce what judgement he pleases, and that he have full power to execute it himself when he hath done.  
Ordered, That there be a Day set apart for a private Fasting among the Members, that they may fall upon the great Work of Devouring the Nation with the better stomaches.  
This day several Officers received their Commissions, and among the reft Mr. Streater received his Commission to be a Colonel of Foot, of the Regiment formerly belonging to the single-eyed Gentleman that gave command to shoot his brother Cobbler.  
Ordered, That the Lord Mounson have a privilege to wear a Back-piece, and Breastplate, and a Pot, to secure his bones from the knocks of his Lady's Bedstaff.  
Ordered, That Mr. Syndercomb be canonised for a Saint, and that a Letter be forthwith sent to the Great Turk, entreating him to perform that pious work.  
Ordered, That the Walls of Zion shall be let alone, but that the Cities of Sodom and Gomorrha shall be rebuilt, and the said Lord Mounson and Mr. Martin do see it performed accordingly.  
Orderea this day, That Mr. Praise-God Bare-bone shall be Master of the Ceremonies, and that it be his care to convert all the Foreign Ambassadors that come over, and see them rebaptised before they have Audience.   

Tuesday, January 31.  
The House were upon Qualifications, and they Ordered that none should bear any Office in the Commonwealth, that had the least pick in the world against Perjury, and could not swallow any Oath which they should command them to take, with as much ease as the Whale swallowed Ionas. Secondly, That they should be Sectaries of the latest Edition, men indeed despising any ●●eity, but loving Covetousneiss with all their hearts. Thirdly, That they should have the treachery of Informers, the tongues of Slanderers, the malice of Toads, the venom of Basilisks, the cruelty of Nero, and the tyranny of Pharaoh.  
Ordered, That London be set on fire, and that there be another great City built in some other part of the Nation, and that all the freeborn People of the Land be compelled to make bricks, and gather straw for themselves, for the carrying on of the great Work, that they may appear to be most truly gods people, that is to say, in affliction, and not after the custom of the Heathen under the Government of a King.  
Ordered, That the Protectors Grave be broke open, and that the Plate of Gold which is upon his breast be taken off, and that the Members do throw most at three throws who shall have it.  
Resolved upon the Question, That Mr. Vavasour Powel, Mr. Feak, and Mr. Rogers be sent to the top of Penmenmaur, the highest hill in all Wales, there to pray upon their bare knees, till God hear them, and give them an answer.  
It was also Ordered, because they intended to hang a good number of their enemies, That Mr. Peter be sent for to accompany them to the Gallows, as he did in the beginning.  
Ordered, That my Lord Craven shall never have any justice done him, nor any other person that hath been wronged since their Fellow-members were secluded.   

Wednesday, February 1.  
Ordered, That Mr. Prynne do say or write what he pleases, because the House is not able to give any answer to the Law and Reason which he propounds.  
Ordered, That Wimbleton-House be sequestered, because the summer draws on, and Sir Arthur wants a fine Seat near the Town.  
Ordered likewise, That he have the Protectors gilt Coach, and that he ride out of Town every Afternoon to take the Air, as the Protector was wont to do.  
Ordered, That Colonel Martin do not pay one farthing to his Landlord in Ax-yard, but that he do forthwith Arrest him for detaining his Clothes for Rent, and that he justify this act by the Authority of the House.  
Ordered, That Sir Arthur Hesilriggs Daughter go no more with her Father's Clerk to eat a Six-peny-minced Pie in an open Cook's shop, or if she do, that she go up stairs, and not sit in one of the small Rooms where none but Porter's drink, lest she bring a great scandal upon her Family.  
This day came a Letter from the General of the Cossacks, humbly desiring the House to send him twelve stone of Brisket beef, and seven great Cabbages, with two Hogsheads of Northdown Ale, for that his wife longed to taste some of the English Diet.  
The House was resolved into a Grand Committee about this ungent Affair, they sat till ten of the clock at night, and adjourned till the next day.   

Thursday, February 2.  
This day they resumed the said Debate again, and being put to the Vote, it was carried in the Affirmative only by two Voices.  
Ordered, That the Earl of Pembroke does very well in going to Mistress Creswels in moorfield's, to mortify his pampered flesh; and that it is no sin for a Quaker to go a whoring after strange women, provided he do not go a whoring after strange Gods.  
Resolved upon the Question, That the said Earl is not wise enough to make himself the Head of the Quaking Faction, let him do what he can: And that there be a Committee to examine his Lordship whither he went, when he stayed away from his house a whole formight together, to wait upon two Draggle-tayl Bitch's, that made him believe they were two Kings daughters all glorious within.  
Ordered, That Mr. Nevil, because he will play at Picquet with no body but us, nor so much as venture upon any hands but ours, have a Sizeisme out of Sir George Booths Estate, as the reward of his Constancy.  
The House having heard the report, How that Pope Gregory was struck with a perperual pain in his stomach and feet by an Angel, because he compelled God by his Prayers to deliver Trajan out of hell, and transfer him into Heaven, they were strike with a panic fear; and whereas they had intended to have desired of God to do as much for the Lord Bradshaw as he did for Trajan, they resolved upon the consideration of the event, even to let him alone where he is, and not to have him stirred by any means.   

Friday, February 3.  
Ordered this day the first thing they did, That all that would not take the Oath of Abjuration and the Engagement, should be Bondslaves.  
Ordered, That those Members that will keep whores, may not be expelled for that, because it ought to be presumed before hand, that those Members cannot be without'um.  
Ordered, That there be a public Toleration of Bawdy-houses, upon condition that they pay a yearly Stipend to the Members, there being no reason why the House may not, as well as St. Peter, be beholding to the Stews for part of their Revenue.  
Ordered, That there be speedily levied upon the Nation more pounds, than there be Indulgences in the Lateran Church, which Pope Boniface said a great while ago, that only God could number.   

Saturday, February 4.  
This day some few of the Anabaptists children, whose Fathers had owned their Authority, put up a Petition to the House, making heavy moan by reason of the Excize which was laid upon their Play-things, but the House took it so heinously, that they voted the Petition scandalous, seditious, and to the prejudice of the Members; and that the Boys should be publicly whipped upon the Scaffold upon Tower-hill; and Mr. Dugard was ordered to slash their buttocks sound.  
Ordered, That Friar Rookwood do live securely under our protection, notwithstanding that he he is both a coiner and a Felon, by reason that he is an excellent Informer, and hath done us very good service in betraying sundry of our enemies.   

Monday, February 6.  
This day there was a Petition presented to the House, in the name of sundry Welsh Farmers, which was as followeth:  

To the reeght Honoraple, etc.  
The Humble Pettishon of sundry Shentlemen of Walls:  
Doth most humply shoh to your Worsip●,  
THat whereas there were sundry ferry create Repels in our famous Countries of Walls, who did rise hup in repellion against your Worsips, and would have killed and slain all your could Worsips, as we are ferry well apple to testify unto your Worsips, once more by Cod's crace in Parliament assempled; And whereas the Ring leater of these pace Repels was a ferry create Gentleman of Walls, a man of a ferry create power, and of a ferry create Estate, by name Sir Hugh Middleton, and whereas we so understand that you are coing about to sell all his ferry create means,  
May it therefore bless a your could Worsips, if you will sell such could pennyworths as your could Worsips formerly have done, as tere is no toubt, putr your could Worsips must be forced to do, to let your poor Petishners have a could pargain of your could Worsips, as soon as another, for by Cod's plutree nells we pee Shentlemen of Walls, and will pay your could Worsips ferry honestly, and pesides that we shall pe efer pound to pray, etc.   
The Petition being read, the Petitioners were called in, and received the thanks of the House, which the Speaker did give them accordingly.  
Ordered, That a Letter be sent down to Colonel Overton, to know upon what grounds he dares keep Hull for Jesus Christ, while they are the Supreme Authority of the Nation?  
They also resolved upon the form of an Oath, which was this: YOu shall Swear to be faithful and constant to Us, our Heirs, Executors, and Assigns, from generation to generation, as long as the world endures, and longer, if possible may be. That you shall obey us in every thing, whether lawful or unlawful. And that you set your Consciences adrift in a Bowl-dish in the middle of the Thames, where you may never see them more, when you enter intoour service; without which burden you can never be fit and qualified for our employments. That you shall subscribe with you own blood, as the devil bindeth Witches when he makes them enter into Covenants.   

Tuesday, February 7.  
Ordered, That Mr. S. and L. R. be sent to consult with the most knowing Physicians in that particular, which is the best and most secret way of removing the Lord General out of the way, in case he do not answer their expectations.  
Resolved upon the Question, That he is no true Politician who cannot tell how to remove any Obstacle or Obstruction that lies in the way of his Advancement; and that those that follow the practices of Caesar Borgia cannot erre●  
This day the Ministers did show to the House sundry and weighty Reasons why they should not demolish the Universities, or take away tithes.  
Hereupon the House made answer, That neither the Universities nor tithes should beamedled withal as yet; for they did not find themselves able to go about a Work so generally dis-satisfactory to the Nation: However in process of time they hoped they should be able to get those large Revenues also into their Clutches, which were a very great scandal and eyesore to many weak and distressed Brethren, and indeed that it was a shame that those things that were founded in a time of Superstition, should not be taken away in a time of Reformation.  
They also told the said Ministers, that who ever would assist them in this so pious a Work, should have very good shares, which should enable them to live without the help of those Idolatrous Revenues.  
Resolved, that the House do bestow one thousand pound per week upon themselves, out of the Publique-treasury of the Nation, because the wants of the Soldiery are very heavy, and the necessities of the people extraordinary great.  
Resolved upon the question, that Mr. C. H. is as good a Gentleman as any is in England, now he hath got an Estate [though it be known he was originally a Linkboy] And that the Pedigree which he hired Wil Lily to make him, whereby he derived himself from John Holland Earl of Exeter, be as Authentic as any the most ancient Pedigree in the Heralds Office.   

Wednesday, February 8.  
The House having this day little to do, resolved that a Letter of thanks should be sent to the two Giants, Dramusiand and Tramustant, and also to Clerimon Knight of the Green tree, for their great kindness to Don Palmerin, the renowned English Champion. And they further Ordered, that three London Prentices should be made choice of to go with the Letter.   

Thursday, February 9  
Ordered, that H. Martin be rebuked for forbidding the people at the Sessions in Berkshire to stand bare, and to do Fealty and Homage to their Lords, being a tenant of a dangerous Consequence, and destructive to the Interest of the now intended Commonwealth.  
Resolved upon the question, that the spirit which sanctifies every particular Member of this House, doth in every particular Member blow where it listeth, sometimes this way, sometimes that way, and therefore they can make no profession of any certain Doctrine or Discipline, because they know not which way the spirit will blow their light Wether cock Hearts  
Resolved upon the question, that if a man be questioned for any Crime, though his Judges have neither competent witnesses, nor testimonies to evidence his guiltiness, yet that if they think in their consciences he be guilty, they may condemn him out of the private testimony of their own consciences.   

Friday, February 10.  
This day there was a certain person had Audience in the House, who presented himself to be an Agent from Cardinal Mazarine. He was brought into the House with the Mace going before him, on his left hand went the Master of the Ceremonies, on his right hand the Secretary of State; But when all came to all, he appeared to be a French Dancing Master, as you shall hear by his Speech.  

Monsieur de man in de Shear,  
BEgar me no speak a si bon Engliss comme vous, but me make a de shift for to speak a de little, pour make a you have a the some understanding of mine affairs. Begar Monsieur, mine affairs be de plus important affairs in all de varle, begar and that is much, you'll say. Begar me play ode little Fidele, me teash a to dance, o so rare, so rare; begar you no have a so brave fellow in all England besides myself. Begar your autre Mistress they teash make leg like a the Bear, or like a de Hoarse; begar all me Scolars be all de compagnie for a de Prince, au de Princess: But begar dit is noting to that I kenow, for begar me can teash all de people to dance after mine peep. Begar if you will donne moy l'Argent, me give you dis peep, and me teash a you to make a de people dance after your peep, begar the people all follow your peep, comme de tree au de stone follow aftre de Poet Orfu's. Par mafoy n'aucun autre man in de varle offer so great advantage to any Prince in de varle. Begar if you make a de refuser, me go presentemant to Monsieur de King of o de Swedes, au me go to Monsieur de King de Danemark, me warrant you me live a dear in de plus great fame in de varle.   
The House having heard his Speech, Ordered that the business should be referred to a Committee to consider thereof But the impatient Frenchman thinking himself scorned, because he did not receive a present Answer, went away in a great fume, telling them, They should make a Whistle of his Breech, before they should have his Pipe, since they put such a contempt upon his worth.   

Saturday, February 11.  
Ordered, that Mr. harrington's Tenent of Rotation is of dangerous consequence, and destructive to the Interest of this House, and that one of the Sergeants men be sent to him, to desire him not to trouble himself with those things which do so little concern him.  
Upon this a Petition was presented from the Coffee-man, humbly requesting the House to let him alone for his own benefit, for that he had been at a very great charge to rail in the Room, and for making a great table: Whereupon the House taking it into debate, Ordered that the Rotators should continue till he was satisfied for his rails and table, and no longer.  
Ordered, that Politicus do continue in his Office of contriving false Intelligence, because no person of ability else will undertake the employment  
FINIS.