THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF BUSCON The Witty Spaniard.  
Put into English by a Person of Honour.  
To which is added, The PROVIDENT KNIGHT.  
By Don Francisco de Quevedo, A Spanish Cavalier.  
London, Printed by J. M. for Henry Herringman, and are to be sold at his Shop at the Anchor in the New-Exchange in the Lower-Walk, 1657.   

To his much Honoured Friend T. P.  
SIR,  
I Had no sooner boarded the Adventure, but I thought myself bound to send you the Prize; She's Spanish, and so your own, whose approbation set me first out to scour those Coasts: Her main burden is mirth; for since the Donn's lost the last Plate-Fleet, they have Traded very little with Money.  
J. D.   

Reader.  
WIll you buy a Glass, a Mirror that flatters not? Bid fair, here 'tis that will show you your whole proportion; for it represents the greatest part of the world Fools and Knaves; and 'tis two to one but you may see yourself here. Fox and Goose is the whole Game, and if sixteen Geese can pen up one Fox, the Game is well played.  
The whole matter of this Book consists of these two divers qualities: Sometimes you'll find them cheek be jowl together, like a Sergeant and his Yeoman; Sometimes in a greater Decorum, like a Country Justice and his Clerk, who never divide but in their Fees. Here you may learn after your own way, be fooled into wit; and be taught as Dancing-Masters first teach Bumpkins, by laughing them out of their old Garb: You'll say, 'tis too light; no, you are too grave: Nothing but hath something of lightness; The Soldier his Feather, the Priest his Tassel, and the Citizen his Wife: But if you will be grave, you may here read a Lecture of your whole life past, sit in your Chimney and see what your Son does, or rather suffer under a merciless Pedant; Or if you are a Form higher you may read the Politics here, and by Buscons last Knavery, see what necessity there was for an Act of Marriage.   

Buscon's Extraction, with the Quality of his Father and Mother.  
GEntle Readers, I was born in Segovia, a City of the Province of Casteele, in the Kingdom of Spain: My Father's name was Ysidore, Native of the same City and by Trade a Barber; but such was his courage, that he was much troubled, when any one called him Barber, and would reply, he was a Circumciser of Hairs, and a Metamorphoser of Beards: His Wife, who as I believe, was my Mother, was called Roguille. It was the opinion of most of the Neighbourhood, that she was of the race of the Jews: she was of indifferent good behaviour, and tolerably handsome, and for that reason, most of the Poets and Rhymers of Spain made copies of pleasant Verses upon her. When she was first married, as also some time after, she had many vexations; for some of our Neighbours tongues were so lavish as to report, that she had changed the Roman I of my Father's name into a Greek Y. He poor man was accused, and in fine convicted, that at any time when he shaved his Customers, or dressed his Patients about the Groin, holding up their noses aloft, a young Brother of mine about seven years old, was wont very dexterously to pick their pockets; but that poor little Angel, (peace be with him) died in prison, under the penance of a discipline which was applied to him with a little too much rigour. My Father was very much afflicted at it, for that he drove a pretty trade with him: he had often times before his death, and never so much as once after, been Prisoner; but as I have been told, he always was delivered with a great deal of honour, accompanied by people of all conditions. I have heard too, that the women used to be Spectators at their windows of this Comedy; I speak it not by way of vainglory, for every one knows, I am not that way inclined.  
To return unto my Mother; Once upon a time, an old woman, who attended me in the nature of a Nurse, said unto me by way of commendation of her, she had so many attractions, that she had bewitched every one who frequented her company; knew how to solder up a cracked Maidenhead, to retrieve lost love, and to renew old age: Some called her the Bonesetter of dislocated affections, and othersome of the more vulgar sort, styled her in plain English, Bawd, and said that she played at all Games for money: but for her part, she smiled at them all, that she might the better snap them, when they came within her Duckquey. I shall not scruple to tell you, the penance she did undergo; she had a Chamber into which no one went but herself, which to say the truth, was much like a Charnel-house, being full of sinners bones, which, to make use of her own phrase, she kept to put her in mind of mortality, and to make her despise life; it was garnished about with Images of wax, Vervain, Hern, and other herbs of St. John's Eve, of which she made strange compositions.  
Upon a certain day a dispute happened between may Father and her, unto which of their two Trades I should betake myself, but I who from my youth, had always generous and noble thoughts, would not addict myself to either one or tother of them. My Son, said my Father unto me, the Proression of a Thief is one of the liberal Sciences, and doth not at all relish of the mechanic, though somewhat of the handicraft: the honestest men do now adays make it their profession; and who so steals not, knows not how to live in this world; and why think you I pray do their Sergeants and Bailiffs so persecute us? only because one Trade envies another: why do they banish us, why whip; and hang us up? (I can scarce proceed any farther without weeping, for the good old man cried like a child at the remembrance of the sundry times his shoulders had been brushed) it is, because they would suffer no other Thiefs but themselves to cohabite with them: but providential craft doth sometimes deliver us out of their clutches. In my youth, I usually walked the Churches, and other places of public meetings, and though I was sometimes snapped, yet I still got off by my wits, which were good at a dead lift; so that by this handicraft, I have maintained both thy Mother and self, in very good fashion: How, Blessing of me, quoth my Mother, all in a rage, dost thou offer to say thou hast maintained me? thou liest, It is I, who have provided bread for thee, at the cost of my own flesh, and who have divers times drawn thee out of prison, by my own industry, and tell me now by your faith, when you were put to the Rack, and that you that confessed nothing, did it proceed from the strength of your courage, or those Broths I made you, which cost me no small sum of money? No, no, you are an unworthy, ungrateful wretch, and did I not fear some one in the Street might hear me, I could remember you of a time when I got by the Chimney into a Chamber, when you were once snapped as in a Rat-trap, and brought you out like a cat through a Garret window. More she had said, (for she was very much provoked) had she not amidst the violence of her passion broken the string of her Beads, which were of dead men's teeth, who she had made away, which she began to pick up. Now I, that I might neither exasperate one nor tother, I resolutely told them I would follow goodness and my own virtuous inclinations; to which end I desired them to send me to School, that I might learn to write. That proposal of mine seemed very reasonable unto them, however they left not off quarrelling between themselves; My Mother betook herself to threading her Beads of teeth, my Father he went to shave one, but whether of his beard or purse I know not; for my part, I was left all alone, and began to thank my Stars, that I was born of two so illustrious, so ingenuous persons, and so solicitous of my good education.   

Buscon is sent to School, and the pleasant adventure which befell him, whilst he was King of the Scholars.  
NOt long after, they bought for me the first Rudiments of Art, vulgarly called the Hornbook; and having agreed for fifteen pence a month, they sent me to School. My Master received me with a very smiling countenance, for he newly came from eating a rasher of Bacon; he had broke fast when we came to him, and told my Father that any Physnomy, meaning I suppose Physiognomy) promised that I should one day be a greater Personage than I was at that present. I had not been above eight days at School, before my Mistress, who was a bonny Lass perceived that I was a Lad of mettle, and might be proper to do her errands, and for that reason, she was more kind to me then the other Scholars, which made them envy me. Now to let you see, that I had ever a good courage, I began from that time, to keep company with those, who were bigger than myself, insomuch that I became intimate with a Cavaliers son of the City, whose name was Don Alonso de Sougniga. We eaten and drank together, Every Holiday I went to play with him; to be short, I was never out of his company; whereupon the other Scholars, either angry, that I slighted them, or desirous of correcting my presumption, would be ever and anon twitting me in the teeth with my Father's Trade. One called me Lord of the Razor, Master of the Cupping-Glasses, and Diaculum, another laid it in my Dish that my Mother had debauched two of his Sisters; a third, that my Father had been sent for to his house to drive away the Rats, as much as to say, he was a Cat, with many the like injurious speeches, and though I was not a little nettled at those indignities, yet I seemed not to regard them, until upon a certain day, one of my Comerades with whom I fell out at play, called me Son of a whore, and witch; now because he spoke it so plainly that every one heard it, (for had he spoken a little softlier peradventure I should have taken no notice of it) I threw a stone so hard at him, that I broke his head, whereupon away ran I to my Mother, to acquaint her with what had passed; who answered me, well hast thou done my Son, thou now showest who thou art, only thou wert to blame for not ask him who told him so. I hearing that, and having always my wits about me, answered her I was only vexed, that some then present, had told me I had no reason to be so angry, and that I had not asked them, whether they said so in regard of the boy's childishness; thereupon I desired of her to let me know, whether I might give him the lie, whether I was extraordinarily begotten, or the Son of my reputed Father. How quoth she smiling, art thou already so subtle and inquisitive? By my troth, I see thou art wiser than I thought thee to be: well hast thou done to revenge thyself, thou oughtest to have broken his pate; for seeing those things are done in secret, it is a sign that they should not be published: with that I was struck dumb as a Bell-founder, when he runs his mettle, and resolved to get whatever I could finger in the house, and to betake myself to the wide world, to see how great an Empire Honour had already obtained over me! however I dissembled my intention; away went my Father to seek out the Boy, that he might wipe off this reproach, who asked him forgiveness, and so peace being made, I was returned to the School, where at first my Master received me in great anger, but having considered what provocations I had, he abated his fury.  
Whilst I remained there, I was ever and anon visited by that Scholar with whom I before told you, I had contracted a great friendship: his name was Don Diego, and he had a particular kindness for me; I used to exchange my Giggs and Tops with him, though mine were the better of the two. I gave him part of my junkets which I brought to School, and never asked any of him. I presented him also with Pictures, in fine I became so complaisant to every of his humours, that at last his Father and Mother who knew nothing of the ill report of mine, seeing their child took such delight in my company, were very well pleased when I did dine, sup, or lie with Don Diego, Withal I was very courteous to such as visited me, nature having befriended me with a countenance and shape which every one thought to be indifferent handsome. Now it so fell out upon a day just after the Christmas Holidays, that we going together to School, met with one whose name was Ponce d' Aguire, a rag of the Law, who was not very well in his wits: Let us call yond fellow Ponce Pilate, quoth little Diego, and then run away; I to content my friend did so, before he had quite desired it; whereupon the man became so furious, that he ran after me with a knife in his hand, resolved to kill me, insomuch that I was forced to double my pace, and save myself in the School-house under my Master; presently in came the man and fell upon me, but my Master took him off, and promised to whip me sound; and although my Mistress came to my relief, and begged my pardon, in regard of the good offices I did her, yet he forthwith caused me to untruss, and whipping me, at every lash, would ask me, will you any more say Pontius Pilate? and I answered crying, No Sir, insomuch that having once and again renewed my promise to him, and he bethinking the great punishment I had received, forbore further correction: It so fell out that the next morn, whilst we were saying the Creed, and our other Prayers, as we daily used, when I came to those words, who suffered under Pontius Pilate, I remembered my fault, and said, who suffered under Pontius d' Aguire, to see my Innocency, my Master seeing my great simplicity, could not forbear laughing, but presently promised me to forgive me the two first faults I should commit, and though they deserved the lash, yet that I should not be whipped. I could not but be well pleased therewith.  
It was then near about the time for choosing of Kings, and my Master intending to give some recreations to his Scholars, resolved to make a Royalty. The cake was divided, and the Kingdom of the Bean came to my share without any artifice. Forthwith I acquainted my Father and Mother, that they might provide me clothes and trinkets The day of triumph being come, I was mounted upon a Rocinant of Don Quixot, a perfect Enchanters Horse, the leanest that was ever seen, his Chine was at least a quarter of a mile long, and withal so humble, that more could not be, for he went making of Reverences; he had but one eye, a neck like a Camel, and a tail like an Ape, that is without any tail at all. To be short, he was a dumb witness who accused his Master of the austere life, and the many fasting days he forced him to keep, by detaining the better half of his sustenance from him. Mounted I was upon this sprightly Barb, attended by all the rest of my Schoolfellows, dressed up in the most egregious Ornaments their Mothers could procure for them. In this gallant Equipage we passed through the market place; I assure you I cannot yet but shake for very fear, whilst I think of it; for coming near the Herb-womens' stalls, Libera nos Domine, from their fury! my hunger-starved Horse, fell upon a Basket of Coleworts, and forthwith devoured them, stuffing his Guts, and not a little overjoyed with so pleasant a bait. The Herb-woman, whose coleworts they were; being a sort of women as impudent as Oyster-wives, began to cry after me with open mouth, at which the whole tribe of them ran flocking about her, with a number of canting Beggars and Porters, who snatching up their handfuls of great Turnips and Onions out of the Hampers, fell to pelting of the poor King, who knew not what shift to make. And I seeing it was a Turnip combat, had a good mind to turn-down, but at that very instant, one of those cuckoldly Rogues gave my horse so great a charge upon the nose, that he began to stand on end, and being none of the strongest fell backwards together with my worship, not upon dry land, but with reverence be it spoken, into a bottomless Jakes, which to my misfortune was there at hand. I give you leave to guests with yourself; how sweetly I was pickled. Amidst this scufle, my Companions armed by this, in their King's defence, broke two of the herb-womens' necks: In came the Officers, who seized upon the Herbwomen, and such Scholars and arms, as they could catch; for my Subjects had made use of their weapons in an offensive way, which they intended only for show, as Daggers, Swords and Spears.  
At length, the Sergeants came to me, who though I had no arms, they having been taken into a house, together with my Hat and Royal Robe to be dried, yet did they not forbear to demand them, whereunto I answered all beshit as I was; that I had none offensive as to matter of life, but only to the sense of smelling. How ever my worship being the chief Actor in the Tragedy, the Catchpole-rogue, would needs have me away to prison, but he was forced to leave me there, for that he knew not to lay hands on me I was so bedawbed. Some went one way, some another, and at last home got I affronting every one's nose I met. Being got home, I related my misfortune to my Father and Mother, but they instead of laughing, were so enraged to see me in such a stinking condition, that they resolved to bestow a good beating upon me. I endeavoured to plead my excuses the best I could, by laying the whole fault on the horse, which they had lent me, but finding all was to little purpose, away ran I to Don Diego, who was newly come home with a cut in his head, which he received in the fray, which made his Father and Mother conclude not to send him any more to School.  
By this, one came and brought me news of poor Rocinant, he told me, how he had seen him in such extremity, that he was constrained to make a virtue of necessity, and by often plunging to get out of that villainous slough, had broken his Girts, Breastplate, and Crupper, and so remained ready to breathe his last in that golden Mine. Seeing then that all our sport ended in a Turd, and that all the market was in an uproar, my Father and Mother at their wits ends to think of paying for the horse, and my friend wounded, I made a vow never to go to School more, nor indeed to my Father's house, but to keep close with Don Diego, to wait upon him, or to speak more truly, to keep him company to his Father and Mother's great content, for they knew their Son did love me very dearly. In order to this design I sent home word, that I had no more need to go to School, for indeed though I could not write well, yet I could do well enough for a Cavalier; which profession I proposed to myself to imitate, amongst whom, to write ill and pay worse, are two great virtues, and for that reason I would forsake the School, to ease them of their charge, and their house to rid them of my trouble. I acquainted them with the place of my abode, assuring them, I should never return to them any more, without their permission pre-obtained.   

Buscon becomes Servant to a Scholar, and relateth the Penance they underwent whilst his Master and himself were in Pension, wherein he describeth the Covetousness of a Podant.  
NOt long after, Don Alonso concluded to send his Son unto some Master of Arts, to table with him, and myself to accompany him, that he might wean him as it were, from his Parent's fondness, which commonly makes children Dunces and Cockneys. He was at last informed of one Ragot, who used to teach gentlemen's children. To him was Don Diego immediately sent, and myself to wait upon him. The very first Sunda● after Easter, we entered into the Territories of Famine, for indeed the misery and villainy of that man could not properly be called by any other name. I will give you a brief description of him: He was broad shouldered, his head formed like a Sugar-loaf, his hair red, from which colour God deliver us: His eyes were so sunk into his head, and withal so hollow, that their stations would have been very proper to have made shops for Brokers, who cheat the world by selling in the dark; his nose like a Saddle, you would have imagined, some one had broken the bridge of it with a clap; his Beard like a Palisadoe, not so much with age, as with fear, for being so near his hunger-starved mouth, which seemed perpetually to threaten the devouring of him. He had not full six teeth in his mouth, his Throat was as long as a Cranes, his Arms lean, his Hands like a Skeleton, if he stirred never so little, all his bones rattled within him, just like a wicker bortle at a Dogs ta●l; he never cut his beard, that he might lose nothing of it, and used to say, he would as soon lose his life, as suffer a Barber's hands to come upon his chops; he wore a cap which the rats had all to beeaten, for the Grease sake; it was now worn stuff, though once called cloth; he had a Cassock, some called it miraculous; for that no one could tell of what colour it was, or ever had been; some seeing it, and that it had no nap upon it, concluded it to be made of Frogs skins, othersome said it was an illusion, at a distance, you would have sworn, it had been black, and nearer at hand blue, he had no Choler, girdle nor Sleeves; in a word, so accoutred, that every one would have taken him for a Scarecrow. In his house was neither Rat nor Mouse, he had a trick to conjure them away, lest they should eat up the Crusts of bread, which he always kept in his Pockets: his bed was the bare ground, and he ever lay on one side● for fear of wearing out his clothes, to conclude, he was an arch Villain, and a miserable Hound.  
Behold us now, under the tuition and Government of this gallant Person. At our first coming, he appointed us a Chamber, and read us a Laconic Lecture, that he might not lose too much time, for every thing went through his hands. He set us our daily task, which lasted till Suppertime. It was his custom, that when our Masters were at meat, we their Servants waited upon them, which was none of the greatest works, for indeed there were not above five boarders, they being young, and gentlemen's sons of the Country. The first thing which came under my observation, was, that therè was never a cat in the house, I desired to know the reason of it, and addressed myself to an old Servant in the house, who was nothing but skin and bones; he half weeping said unto me, from whom have you ever learned that cats were lovers of Fast, or such austerities as are here used? One may see by your gaping, that you are a newcomer; you cannot imagine, what an afflictive impression this reply made upon me, our good Master the Doctor sat him down, and having said Grace, they made a dinner like eternity, for it had neither beginning nor ending: they had broth brought unto the Table in little wooden Saucers so transparent, that had Narcissus been there, he had run the same danger of being drowned, as at the Fountain. I observed how industriously the Pensioners lean fingers were playing upon the Virginals, as it were, to snap up a poor pea, which endeavoured to save himself, sometimes by swimming, and sometimes by diving. At every sup of this warm water whic● the Doctor swallowed, I do not know any thing, would he say, which may compare with Broth. Let people say what they will, every thing else, is but excess and superfluities; do but observe how it preserves the body in health, and the mind in full vigour. The Devil take you thought I to myself, when behold in came a Servant, more like a Ghost then a body, so shin he was, who brought with him a dish of meat (which seemed to have been cut off from his own body) with a Turnip upon it, set out like a grand Salad, how quoth the Doctor, here's a Turnip according to my own wish, for my part, I think there is no Partridge like it; eat, eat, my Lads, it does me good to see you feed so hearty, with that he cut every one a little piece, so little indeed, that I think I may safely swear, there stuck as much in either of their Nails and teeth, as went into their Bellies. Ragot observed them saying, cheer up, you are young, and I rejoice to see you have such good stomaches, consider I pray you, what good entertainment this was for such as gaped for very hunger.  
They made an end of eating, and there remained upon the Table, nothing but a few scraps and bones, which our Doctor seeing, there quoth he, there's for our Servants, who are like to make as good a Dinner as their Masters. Having given God thanks, let us rise said he, and make room for them; as for you, get you to play until two of the clock, that what you have eaten may the better digest in your stomaches. A pox on thee said I to myself, and for very anger began to smile, which the Doctor perceiving, gave me a check, and bid me learn modesty, and so ended with three or four old sentences upon that Subject. I did not forbear to sit down at Table, with the rest of the Servants, and being older than some, and stronger than others, I began to lay about me with both my hands, and that so nimbly, that in three or four mouthfuls I had consumed above half of what our Masters had left upon the Table. My companions seeing my diligence, began to grumble, which the Doctor perceiving, came towards us, and said, live and eat quietly, seeing God hath sent you sufficient. I protest to you, there was amongst us one Servant, called Basque, who had so utterly forgotten how to eat, that he carried a crust three or four times to his mouth, without being able to find his lips: I called for somewhat to drink, which none of the rest did, because they were yet fasting, one brought me a dish of water, (for as to matter of wine, we were entertained after the Turkish fashion) and just as I was putting it to my mouth, that visible Spirit of whom I told you, snatched it out of my hands: I risen from Table very much discontented, yet however with a great desire to untruss, though my belly was not half full; I enquired of an ancient Servant, where the house of Office stood, who told me, there was not any about the house, but said, if you have for once occasion to make use of any such place, you may do it where you please; for during two months that I have been here, I never went to Stool but once, and then too, it was the effect of what I brought in my belly from my Father's house, which peradventure may have befallen you this day.  
I cannot fully acquaint you with the anguish in which I found myself, when he made me this sad account. In short, perceiving so little was to pass into my belly, I durst not let any thing go out, though I had a great desire. Being in this pain, comes Don Diego to me, and asked me what Rhetoric he should use, to persuade his guts that they were well stuffed, for that they would not at that time believe him. In this house there was an Epidemical complaint of wind colicks, as in others, of crudities and repletion: Suppertime came, (for as for afternoon's lunshions, there was no such thing known,) we made a light Supper, such almost as Cameleons use; a little of an old roasted Goat, was our whole Bill of fare, there is not any thing said our Doctor, more conducing to health then not to overcharge the Stomach, he made several Encomiums upon diet, and recited some Aphorisms of the Doctors; alleging that it prevented ill dreams: The truth is, with him I think no one ever did dream, unless that he were eating, so much desirous were we of it; to be short, every one supped without supping; and so went to bed. Don Diego and myself, could not shut our eyes that whole night; we had not any of those sweet fumes, which proceeding from meat, cause sleep, insomuch that we were at leisure to contrive a letter of complaint unto his Father, with an humble supplication to deliver him from the jaws of this Famine. Some things I inserted, Sir said I, you cannot well tell whether we are alive or not, for I am of opinion, that we died at the Battle of the Herbwomen, and that we are now only Souls in Purgatory, without foolery, writ unto your Father to deliver us. Amidst our discourse it became day, the clock stroke six, and our Master called us up to our Books, I was almost at my wit's end, whilst I was making myself ready, for I found my doublet and hose a great deal to big for me, I began to suspect some one had changed my clothes, but one of my fellow-Servants told me, such accidents usually happened in that house, for that he had seen a carthorse brought thither and presently transformed into a Light-horse, so thin shaped, that he might have flown in the air; as also great fat Mastiffs turned into Greyhounds; and that one day he saw several men, who put some their feet, some their hands, and others their whole bodies but only within the house doors, and having asked what good they found in it, it was answered, one of them was troubled with the Itch, another with a canker, and a third with crab-lice, all which by only stepping over the threshold died of hunger, and could eat no further into their bodies.  
Whilst we were expecting for delivery from Don Diego's Father, and found no way to stuff out our Doublets, we concluded together not to rise so early in the morning, which to effect, we counterfeited ourselves to be sick, but we durst not say we had a Fever, for so by feeling our Pulse we should have been discovered, nor that we had the toothache, or headache, for than they would have laughed at us: we resolved then to complain of the belly-ach, for that we had not been at stool for three days together, imagining our Master would not put himself to a farthing charge, to any cure for us: but the Devil would so have it, that it fell out quite contrary, Ragot had a receipt derived to him from his Father, who had been an Apothecary, now upon our relating our griefs, he made us a Clyster; then he brought into our Chamber a certain old woman, of about threescore and ten, to be our Nurse, he gave her a Spring, with direction to give us each our dose; whereupon the old woman full of civility and respect, began with Don Diego, but by reason of her feebleness, her hands did so tremble, that when the Patient began to feel himself tickled, he could not forbear stirring, insomuch that she squirted all out upon his back, just up to his head, Poor Diego fell a roaring as if he had been killed. Our Master came in at the out cry, the old woman told him she had leveled the Cannon aright, the sick man he denied it, but without deciding their controversy, he charged the old woman 〈◊〉 give me my Clyster, and to provide another for Don Diego, now I having accustomed myself to beware at other men's harms, began to put on my clothes, and told them I found myself very well, but all to little purpose, for Ragot and two Servants seized upon me, and held me down perforce, whilst the old woman accommodated her Pipe; she had no sooner done her feat, but I did mine too, for I let all go in her face, which so enraged our Master, that he said he would turn me out of his house, for he saw I did it wilfully, but it was not my good fortune to be so served. We sent new complaints to Don Alonso, but Ragot prepossessed him, that we used all those inventions, only to neglect our books, so that he was heard and we not. Behold us there condemned for a longer time, to undergo the remainder of our miseries which that old woman did help to complete upon us: she was so deaf, that she heard not any thing, insomuch as we were forced to discourse with her by Signs, she could see but little, and always went mumbling her Paternoster: once as she was at it by the fire, her Beads broke, and most of them fell into the Porridg-pot, she poor woman perceived it not, and dinnertime being come, she served us up the most devout Caudle that ever Zealot sipped. Her Beads were dished up like pease, one of the Tablers said, here are pease in mourning, what kinsman of theirs is lately dead? No, no quoth another they are Aethiopian pease: Besides all this, sometimes she mistook the Fireshovel for the Ladle, I had many times in my Broth, brands-ends, sticks, Coals and ashes, which she got out of the chimney. We endured all these miseries until Lent drew near, at the beginning of which, one of our fellow Pensioners fell sick. Our Master unwilling to put himself to charge, delayed to send for a Physician, until the sick youth called for the Minister, thereupon he sent for a Doctor, who having felt the Patient's pulse, said aloud, Famine hath prevented me from being accused, of this sick man's death; his hour was come, at the same instant he was confessed, and when the holy Sacrament was brought unto him, he cried out aloud, O my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, It was necessary for me to see you come within this house, that I might be assured I was not in Hell. He had scarce said so but he died: we buried him meanly enough God knows, for that he was a Stranger. You cannot imagine, but we were very sad at this accident.  
Don Alonso heard of it, and having no other Son but Don Diego, he began to believe the Stories we had told him, of Ragots' cruelties, and to give credit to the relations of the two Ghosts, for by this we were reduced to a pitiful pass. In fine, he came to deliver us from those Tyrannies of Famine, under which we were become so lean, that although we stood before him, he called to have us brought to him, so much altered we were. He wanted but a little of slaying that perpetual Fast-monger, but loath to put himself to the trouble, he resolved to be patiented: He sent to hire a coach for us, we being so lean and feeble, as we were unable to travel. We took our leaves of our Schoolfellows, who accompanied us with their tears and prayers, like those in Algiers, when their fellow-Slaves are redeemed.   

Buscon and his Master being delivered from the Jaws of Famine, are sent to study at Alcala.  
BEhold us then arrived at Don Alonso's house, where we were presently put to bed; but with much ease and care, that our bones might not start out of our skins, so dry and thin were we. There were Oculists scent for, to search out our eyes, for they were so sunk into our heads, that we stood in need of a wormer to screw them up again. For my own particular, I had been hardlier used than Don Diego, and hunger had wrought more powerfully on me, for that I was treated like a Servant, insomuch that it was a good while before they could find where my eyes were; Physicians were sent for, who prescribed that the dust of our Books should be wiped from us with Fox-tails, as they use to do unto Pictures, (and indeed there was no such great difference between us and pictures) and then that we should have good Broths made for us; and so be well again; Oh what man is able to express the great joy our Bowels received at the first dish of Barley-broth that was brought to us! The Physicians ordered, that no one should talk aloud for nine days in our Chamber, because our Stomaches being full of concavities, the least word which was spoken, resounded like an Echo, but somewhat oftener than that of Ovid.  
With thee Observations, we began to recruit our former strength, and at four day's end we sat up in our beds, yet all this while, we did but look like shadows in respect of others. We were so disrobed of our flesh, and withal so yellowish, that a man would have taken us for walking Ghosts; we spent the day in rendering thanks unto God, for having delivered us from the bondage of barbarous Ragot, and beseeched him most devoutly, to guard all Christians from his clutches. If whilst we were at meat, we did by chance think upon the diet of that miserable Pedant, our appetites would so increase upon us, that we eaten twice as much: We acquainted Don Alonso with Ragot's fashions, we told him, that at our sitting down to meals, he used to exclaim against gluttony, though he had never tried what it was. In that Commandment, Thou shalt not kill, he comprised Turkeys, Partridges, Capons, and all sort of Birds, of purpose, that we might eat none of them; nay he comprehended hunger in it, and seemed to make it a case of conscience, whether a man might safely kill hunger by eating.  
Thus we spent three months in Alonso's house, but at last, we were to turn over a new leaf. The desire he had to make his Son a Scholar, prevailed with him, to send him unto Alcala; that there he might go through with what he had commenced in the Grammar. He asked of me, whether I would accompany him. I who had no other passion then to be out of that Country where our former Belly-persecutor lived, answered, that I would most willingly continue in his Son's service; thereupon he provided a Steward to over see Don Diego's expenses, him he furnished with Bills of exchange. Our clothes were packed up, and we put into a coach: An hour before Sunset, we took our leaves, that we might travel in the cool, and about midnight came unto Viveros, which place may it be accursed unto Eternity: The Ostler was a Morisco, and a Thief at his finger's ends. Those we term Moriscoes, who are descended from the Moors, though converted to the catholic Faith, and are however vilely suspected of being still Jews: I can assure you, in all my life I did never yet hear of such a Monster, for in the person of that man, I saw both dog and cat, which yet lived together in fair correspondence. According to the custom of such-people, he bid us kindly welcome. Whilst we were providing to alight out of the Coach, he addressed himself unto my Master, he being the best clothed, and gave him his hand to help him out, and then coming to me, asked me whether he was not going to study? I told him he was, whereupon he brought us into a Chamber, where were two Ruffians, who had no other livelihood, but what they picked up by prostituring of two Trulls, then with them: In the same company was the Parson of the Parish saying his Prayers to the tune of their discourse, an old covetous Merchant, who was endeavouring to forget his Supper, and two tattered Scholars, who were laying their wits together how they might insinuate themselves into one. My Master being as I said the last comer, and but a young man, called to the Master of the house, saying, provide me what you have left, for myself and my two Servants: We are all your Servants, said the two Hectors, at the same instant, as we shall testify by our endeavours. Ho there, Master of the house, make the Squire welcome, set open your Pantry door, and Cupboards, he'll fee door, and Cupboards, he'll fee you well paid, and therewithal comes one of them to him, and takes off his cloak, saying will you please to rest yourself? Whilst they were thus diligent in attending him, which I could not but admire at, one of the Nymphs came and accosted my worshipful self, saying, what a handsome well behaved young Gentleman is this? is he going to the University? do you belong to him? yes quoth I, and that other man too, pointing at our Steward. What may I call your Master? Don Diego, Colonel Don Alonso's Son said I. I had scarcely said so, before one of the Bravoes went to him, and with tears in his eyes, embracing him very affectionately; oh Squire Diego said he, who would have thought so, it is ten years since I saw you, wretch that I am! now I see I am much altered indeed since you have forgotten me. My Master was not a little astonished at this passage, for we both swore, we had never seen him in our lives. The t'other Swashbuckler was walking about my Master, and looking him on the face, said to his comrade, making the sign of the X, is this that Gentleman's Son, whose worth you have so often cried up? surely we are very happy in that we met thus accidentally with him, he is grown pretty tall, God bless him. This kind of discourse had almost confounded us, for by their talk one would have thought they had been born and bred with us. Don Diego returned him many compliments, and just as he was about to ask him his name, The Host came into the chamber to lay the cloth, and having smelled their design, Be pleased Gentlemen to leave off straining of courtesies, until another time, for your Supper stays for you, another time will serve for your Compliments.  
He had no sooner said so, but one of the Scholars, began to set the chairs about the Table, and one at the upper end for Squire Diego; t'other brought in a dish, and said unto my Master, will your worship be pleased to sit down, we shall wait upon you until our Supper be ready; For God's sake Gentlemen quoth Squire Diego, be pleased to sit down likewise, and let us sup together; time enough, time enough said the Bravoes, whereas my Master said not a word to either of them, our cloth is not yet laid. Now I seeing some invited, and other some inviting themselves, began to be in a great fear of what might be the success. Behold we now the Scholars and roaring boys all four at Supper with my Master, who looking him in the face, told him, It were not handsome that in the presence of such a worthy Gentleman, those Ladies should be supperless; be pleased to entreat them to honour the company; whereupon my Master risen up, and invited them to sit down, which they did at the first word, but Good God how like an ass did he look amongst his Guests; In a trice they had devoured a great dish of Coleworts, and made not above four mouthfuls apeice of a loaf which cost three shillings. Then, and there did I find by woeful experience, that a Spaniard is no temperate man, when he eats at another's charge; Then they fell upon a side of roasted Goat, and two great cuts of powdered meat, By this they began to be pretty full, and looking about they espied Master Parson, whose eyes were eating as hearty as the best of them; whereupon the Scholars risen up, and turning towards him said, how is your Reverence there, (for in Spain that is their manner of speech to the Ministers) be pleased to draw near, The Squire's freeness and bounty may well reach as far as you too. They had hardly made an end of speaking, but down sits me Master Parson. Our Steward seeing his purse was like to pay for all, began to scratch, where it did not itch, and indeed so did I too. Then there was brought to the Table two ribs of roast Beef, and a couple of Pigeons, they carved half of one of them to Don Diego, and then the two Bravoes, the Punks, the Scholars, and Master Parson devoured the rest in the twinkling of an eye. Thereupon one of the Blades said to him, your worship had not best to eat any more, for fear of overcharging your Stomach, it's very true said one of those devilish Scholars, and besides they that go to Alcala should accustom themselves unto temperance and sobriety. Would to God quoth I to my Companion, (cursing of them with all my heart) they would practise what they preach, that somewhat might fall to our shares. When they had eaten up every bit, yet the Curate, a Pox take him, fell to rummaging over the bones which they had left, whereupon one of the Hectors turning about, said, what forgetful wretches we were, for we have not left any thing for the Servants, come hither said he, dear hearts, speaking to me and our Steward, you Masters of the house there, here's a Pistol, let them have what the house doth afford, when behold of a sudden up comes that damned pretended kinsman of my Masters, and cries out pardon me Sir, if I tell you, you do not well understand the world or my Cousin, you do him a great injury, think you he hath not wherewithal to entertain his Servants, I beseech you put up your money. When I saw this Stratagem, I thought I should have died for very anger; well, the cloth was taken away, and the Gentlemen took their leaves of my Master, saying it was high time to leave him to his rest. He would needs pay for the Supper, but they replied, to morrow will be time enough.  
Whilst every one of this worshipful company were retiring unto their Quarters, one of those ragged Scholars seeing the Merchant fast asleep, said unto the Bravoes, have you a mind to laugh a little? Let us play the wag with this old fellow, who hath eaten but one pear all this day. I warrant him a notable rich covetous rogue: you say well quoth the Swashbucklers, he deserves to have a trick put upon him. The Scholar thereupon gets up close to the Merchant, and takes away very handsomely a little Cloak-bag which lay under his feet; he opened it, and took out a Box full of Sugar-cakes, which he emptied, and filled up again with stones and dirt, than he untrussed his Breeches and shit in the box, upon which he laid about a dozen of those shining stones which he had took out of a plaister-box, which done, he shuts the Box. This is not all quoth he, here's a Bottle, we must see what is in the belly of it: with that he clapped it to his mouth, and drank it almost empty, and then filled it with flocks of wool, which he got out of one of the Cushions of our Coach; then he put every thing in its place, and so made fast the Cloak-bag, and not content with that, he put a great stone into the hood of the cloak, wherein the Merchant was wrapped. Then every one betook him to sleep for about an hour & half, it being so near daybreak. Rising-time once come, every one awaked, except the old Rogue, who slept it out; whereupon one of the company called him, but he intending to rise, could not get up his cloak, whereupon looking about, he called for the man of the house, who came to him, and being pre-acquainted with the jest, pretended to be very angry. Why how now honest friend, could you find nothing in the house worth your stealing, but this great Stone? Gentlemen, I pray take notice of it, he would have carried it away, had I not found it. I had rather have lost fifty pound, for it hath an excellent virtue against the Colic; in the mean time the old man fell a swearing, and wishing the Devil had him, if he put it into his Cloak.  
It was now almost time to be jogging. The Hectors made the reckoning, which came to fifteen shillings, which we were fain to pay without any more ado, for fear of a worse mischief, if we should have had to do with those people. Each man took a bit, before we parted, and the old man got him into a corner with his Cloak-bag under his coat, which he opened to take some Comfits out of his Box, of which he eat some before he went out of the house, but instead of what he expected, he put a Stone into his mouth, which beginning to by't, he wanted little of breaking the rest of those few teeth he had remaining, Presently he fell a spitting and making of mouths, what with the pain, and what with the stink which he felt in his mouth; we all ran to him to assist him. Master Parson asked him what ailed him? but instead of answering him, he fell a swearing and cursing; one of the Scholars seeming as if he believed he were possessed with an evil Spirit, called for some holy water, crying our, Vade Satanas, but he presently declared his misfortune, and begged we would let him wash his mouth with a little wine, which he had in his Bottle, which he did, but going to pour some into a glass, he perceived his wine was grown wild, being all over hairy, and rough, insomuch that he could not drink it, either by fair means or foul. Then it was, that the old man began to despair indeed, but seeing how the company laughed at him, he was forced to be patiented, and so to mount the Chariot, in which he camés with the two Bravoes, the Scholars and Punks. We got us into our Coach, and so came to Alcala, before nine in the morning: we alighted at an Inn, where we spent the rest of the day, casting up what we had had, which could so inflame our reckoning, but we could not possibly make it up.   

They arrive at Alcala. Don Diego pays his welcome to the Scholars, and the ridiculous entertainment they gave Buscon.  
A Little before night we went out of our Inn to the house, which had been hired for us, being just without St. James Gate, the habitation of divers other Scholars. Our Landlord was one of those who did believe in Jesus Christ, but only for fashion sake, he was a Morisco, so we call those, who as I told you, are descended from the Moors, and though converted to the Catholic Faith, yet are still presumed to be Jew's.  
This our Landlord received us with a sour scurvy look; I know not whether it were, that we should at first use ourselves to respect him, or that it is the custom of that Nation, for indeed it is not unlikely that they who have ill faiths, have worse looks. We housed our Trunks, our Beds were made, and to sleep went we, which we did somewhat better than the night before. As soon as it was day, in came all the Pensioners of the house to my Master's Chamber, and demanded their Welcome. He knew not what their meaning was, but asked of me, and I who knew no more than himself, hide me between the two quilts, for fear belike of the worst, covered all over, except a little of my head and feet, like a Tortoise. At last, they expounded their meaning, and told him, he must give them a Pistol. Don-Diego presently made his Steward give it unto them, that he might the sooner be out of his fear, whereupon they began to make a hellish music, crying, Vivat, Vivat, welcome Freshman. Let him henceforward be admitted into our Society, and enjoy our ancient privileges, may his skin be embroidered with the Itch, his clothes with rents, and his Belly, with as good an appetite as ours.  
This done, they ran down stairs, as if the Devil, (God bless us) had droven them. Observe I pray the goodly privileges with which they welcomed us. We risen and went towards the College: The Masters presently came and embraced Don Diego with much kindness for that they were well acquainted with his Father. They carried him unto their Chamber, where they did him all possible honour. Thus while I stayed at the Stair-foot, for I did not expect so much kindness as my Master. I had not stayed there very long, before I got me into a great court, where were a great company of Scholars, who had no sooner espied me but they began to eat me with their eyes, to laugh in my face, and whisper amongst themselves, but so that I could hear them say, Have at you Freshman; I to show myself good company, and that I feared nothing, began to laugh as well as the best of them; but I could no longer forbear blushing, when behold one of the most impudent of the whole company, and who was next to me, put his hands to his nose, saying, methinks I smell Lazarus newly raised from the dead, for he stinks cruelly; At this watch word, all the rest took fire, and did the like, they stopped their noses, and withdrew from me; I who still endeavoured to be thought as crafty as the best of them, did so too, saying, by my troth Gentlemen you are in the right, oh how it stinks! presently they fell a laughing, and above a hundred of them got about me, than they began to sneeze, fleer and make mouths, whereupon I perceived they were preparing to give me a volley of Spittle: One amongst them, who seemed to be the most rheumatic of them all, fetched up a great gobbet of Phlegm out of his Stomach, saying, see what a goodly bit here is, and therewithal threw it at me, designing it for my face, but as luck would have it, it fell upon my Doublet, but so glued on, that I could not possibly get it off. Then I began to be angry indeed. The Devil take me, quoth I, if I do not— and so ran threatening to kill him, but the shower of Spittle and Snot which fell upon me, was so violent, that the rest of my words stuck in my teeth, for I was fain to cover my face with my cloak, and to stand still, as the mark of their spittle, with which I was so bedawbed, that one would have thought I had been in the Snow.  
Nor was this all, one of the veriest Rogues of the company seeing I kept my face whole, came to me, and pretending to be angry with the rest, said enough enough my Masters, be quiet I pray do not kill him.  
When I heard this, I was in some mistrust lest they would have done so indeed, which made me uncover my face, at which very instant the Rogue dashed a good mouthful of Phlegm just between my eyes, whereupon all his fellow-Rascals began to laugh, and I to contrive how I might get away. I considered in what a sad condition I was, powdered over with the excrements of their Stomaches, I verily imagine they never used so to purge themselves, but when they met with some such Freshman as myself, & that thus they saved the expenses of Doctors and Apothecaries. That I might be sure of my lading, they had a great mind to bestow some cuffs upon my ears, but of that there was no great likelihood, unless they intended to fill their hands with the Spitttle wherewith they had covered my whole body, from the crown of my head to the Sole of my foot. For that reason they forbore me, and did me the favour to let me go off accoutred as I was: Away I hied me as fast as I could towards lamb den day our lodging, and as good luck would, it was so early in the morning, that I only met with two or three Servants of the College, who were pure rascals indeed, for they threw but three or four handfuls apiece of lime at me, which to my misfortune was not far off them, to perfect my painting.  
Thus pickled I arrived at our lodging, the Morisco espied me, and with that began to laugh, as if he had been ready to split; I thinking he intended to fill up some place of me, which had escaped, Sir said I to him, pray have a care what you do, for I am not an Ecce homo: this I said in respect of his Nation, but would to God I had been mute at that time, for he gave me two such furious blows with the handle of a besom which he then had, that he thought to have laid me on my back, whereas to say the truth, I sell flat upon my face. At last up I got, and went to my Chamber, where I was at least half an hour, pondering where I should begin to undress myself. At last I had finished it, and hung them out in the air, than I went to bed, and slept sound. Not long after in came my Master, who finding me sleeping, and ignorant as he was of the vile mischance which had befallen me, he became very angry, and handled me, as Butchers do Pigs when they go to kill them; he pulled so much hair off from me, that at two handfuls more my head had been as bald as the skull of a Sceleton. I risen up crying and weeping, my Master's anger increased, How now Sirrah, said he, is it thus that you serve me? dost thou not know me? I shall make you change your course, and lead a new life, when I heard him talk of a new life, I verily thought I had been dead in good earnest. And well Sir quoth I, is it thus that you comfort me in my afflictions? I pray Sir do but open the door said I weeping, and behold my clothes, which have this day served for handkercheifs and spitting-Basons, to the foulest noses and loathsomest throats, that ever were in the Jewish Synagogue. My Master seeing me weep, opened the door, to see what ailed my clothes, which done, he began to relent, and pity me; Buscon said he, have a good heart, cheer up thyself, and though thou hast not Father or Mother near thee, yet be not dismayed. Then I recited to him, what had befallen me, He commanded me to be removed into another Chamber, for my better assistance, where four other Servants lay. I lay me down and fell asleep again, and having made a good supper, found myself in as good plight as ever: But when one misfortune befalls a man, it should seem more are at hand, and that disgraces do draw on one another. Night being come, the Servants who lay in the chamber with me, came to bed, they bid me Good-night, and asked me how I found myself? I made them a short rehearsal of what had betided me, at which they blessed themselves with the sign of the cross, seeming to be astonished at my mischance, and as if they had no wickedness in them, is it possible, would they say, there should be such roguish people living amongst Christians? The Proctor is much too blame, for not establishing better order in the University. Every other day, there falls out some new disaster, do you know any of those Rake-hells', who have thus abused you? I told them not, and thanked them verv kindly for their good will. Whilst we were thus talking, they undressed themselves, put out the Candle and went to bed. Behold us then in a profound Silence, and I thinking myself as safe, as if with my own Brothers, betook me to sleep. When about midnight I was alarmed with the noise of Murder, Murder, Thiefs, and withal heard one laying on with a whip upon one of the beds, as hard as he could drive, up I got me in my bed, crying out where is he, what is the matter, I had hardly opened my mouth, before I felt one lay me on seven or eight blows, about the waist, all in an instant, with a whip of as many cords as I had backs. At this uprising, I began to second him in his complaints, who had first wakened me, who continued roaring like mad, though no body felt the smart but myself. I called out for help, and for the Justice, but no body stirred. The best remedy I found was to get me under the bed, for my sheets and coverlet were gone; there I thought myself pretty secure. On a sudden the three others began to cry: When I heard the salutations of the whip continue, I said not a word, but thought it might be some body not belonging to our chamber, who was come to bestow that morning visit upon us. In this interim, he who made the first outcry, got into my bed, and dunged it; he returned to his own bed, and the whip was silent. All four of them risen up, saying what a mischance is this? things must not go thus, we will find out, who it is that hath been in our Chamber, withal they made fast the door, pretending they had found it open. All this while I lay close under the bed, grunting like a Dog, between two doors, and finding all still, I got out, and asked if they had any hurt. The Devil take them quoth they, our skins are flayed. By great chance I found my bed, into which I got me the soon I could, and presently fell asleep, without perceiving the bedfellow I had gotten, my sleep was not so sound, but that I often turned from one side to another, insomuch that when I awaked, I found myself anointed all over, with Pilgrim-salve. Day being come, every one got up, but myself, for I kept close to conceal my trouble, and pretended the blows of the whip made me sick. I was so bedawbed with the Sir Reverence, that a Gold-finder would hardly have found in his heart to have touched me, and that which did as much perplex me, was, that I knew not how it came to pass, unless the cold and fright might cause it. The truth is, I found myself both guilty and innocent, unable either to accuse or excuse myself. My Companions being up and ready, came about me, complaining some of one place, some of another, and dissemblingly asked me how I felt myself, very ill quoth I, for that I think I was worse handled than all of you put together; indeed I then little thought how true I spoke. I asked them who they thought had done us that mischief, I had almost caught him said one, but he got from me, however I will find him out, though I go to a Conjurer; well patience perforce, but let us see, if you are so bad as you seem to be, sure you have roared sufficiently. Saying so, they made as if they would pull off the clothes, at which instant, to complete my affront, up came my Master, Is it possible Buscon, you should have so little care of your duty? it is at least eight a clock, and you are still a bed, rise, rise for shame. The others to excuse me unto him, acquainted Don Diego with what had happened; and desired him to let me lie a little longer, and in case you will not believe us, do but take up the Coverlet, and see in what condition he is, and withal began to move the clothes, but I held them with my hands and teeth, as fast as possibly I could for my life, that they might not see how I was bewrayed. When they perceived they could not have their design that way, do you smell nothing, quoth one of them? for my part methinks I smell an ill savour; Don Diego said the like, whereupon all of them began to look about, to see if perchance they could find any close stool with a Clyster in it; In conclusion they could discover nothing, they searched the beds, and turned them out, to see if any thing were under them. Doubtless said one of them, this smell must needs be about Buscon. Let us remove him, into one of our beds, and look under him. I seeing the little likelihood of escaping those Devils, pretended I had a qualm upon my Stomach, I stared with my eyes, counterfeited the Hiccox, and made ugly faces, they who knew the meaning of it, came and held my head, whilst Don Diego bowed my finger. To be short, they five lifted me out of my bed, and opening the sheets, they thought they should have died with laughing, when they saw how finely the sheets were guilt. Alas! poor boy cried they, this he did when as he swooned; I almost dead for shame, counterfeited as if I had swooned away; bend his fingers hard said they, and my Master thinking to do me a good office, pulled them so hard, that he put one of them out of joint. After all these torments, there they left me. I cried for shame and anger both together; they told me, in a jeer, pretending though to pity me, come the business is not much, a little water will make all clean again, better so then break a gut. Then they put me to bed, and away they went. When I found myself alone, I began seriously to reflect upon the hardness of my fortune, as also how I had more mischiefs befallen me in one day at Alcala, then in all the time I had been with our beforenamed Doctor. I did what I could to make clean both myself and my clothes; about noon I risen, and went to wait upon my Master. As I passed along a Gallery, the rest of the fellow-Servants espied me, and after they had hearty laughed, they told me what a trick they had put upon me, which augmented my shame, and doubled my anger. Thus was I entered a free denizen, and from that day forwards, we were all as good friends as any in the world, and I had no more mischiefs done me.   

Buscon's first knaveries, and the fright he put his Landlady into, as also an other piece of Roguery.  
Has como Vieres, saith the Spanish Proverb, do as thou shalt see cause; instructed with this noble sentence, I resolved to turn over a new leaf, to halt with the Cripple, and amongst Rogues, to be as bad as the worst of them; I cannot tell whether I was as good as my resolution, but I assure you, I did my weak endeavour to attain it. In the first place, I made sure of all the roasting Pigs that came within the doors, proclaiming they should keep thence under penalty of life, or more properly upon pain of death: the like I did by all our Landladies Pullet's, which came within my Chamber. I had no sooner made publication thereof, but up came two sucking Pigs towards our staircase, the fattest and tamest I had ever seen: I was then at play with the other Servants; as soon as I had spied them, I said unto one of my Comerades, Prithee go see who's that keeps a grunting without; he did so, and told me, there were two little Sow's Babies; let them alone quoth I, have a care you drive them not away, open the door they are kindly welcome, and withal I slipped out of the Chamber, drove them in, and laid hold on them, and punished them very severely for their presumption, in coming to grunt so near us. When night came, we clapped them upon the Spit, and my companions and myself made a brave feast with them, and paid those arreages which hunger did require at our hands. Don Diego heard of it, and was very angry with me, but all the Gentlemen of the house laughed at it, and interposed in my behalf. Don Diego asked of me, what I would do if the Justice should seize on me? I told him I would appeal from him unto Famine, the Asylum of all Scholars, and in case he would not admit of my plea, I said I would tell him, they came into our Chamber, without ever knocking at the door, which made me believe they did belong to us; they all fell a laughing at my reasons. By my troth Buscon, quoth my Master, you begin to be a right Rakehell indeed, if thou dost but proceed, thou wilt in a little time commence Master of Arts; it is worth your observation to consider how modest and religious a Gentleman my Master was; and how subtle & crafty a knave his man was; for the truth is, we were of two contrary inclinations, he loved virtue, and I roguery, better than my meat. Our Landlady was glad at the heart to see my humour, for we had made an agreement together, and conspired against our Steward; whereupon I was made Caterer, and from that hour, I took a great delight to be of Judas his Trade, and to bring in round reckon. The Elesh which our Mistress brought in the house, did never hold out, according to the true rules of Proportion, but kept still in Abatement. If there was any beef or goat to be had, she never bought Mutton, insomuch that we had always Physic Broth, so lean and transparent, that had it been frozen, you would have sworn it had been Crystal; sometimes indeed to keep us in heart, she put a candle's end or two into the pot. When ever she saw me before my Master, she would be telling him, Buscon was the best Servant she ever yet knew, but that he was somewhat knavish, however I advise you, would she say, not to part with him, for in consideration of his great trustiness, you may wink at his smaller pranks. The like I did by her, as occasion served, and in this manner we cheated the whole house.  
When there was any Candles, Salt, Pease or Bacon to be bought, we always kept at least half of it for our own use, which we sold-unto my Master, when he next wanted any. That we might appear good Servants indeed, we did often tell him, he was too too profuse, that his expenses were too great, and that a King's Exchequer would hardly maintain him. If I bought any thing, and told my Master the truth of what I paid for it, presently in came our Landlady, and making as if we had no intelligence with one another, how now Buscon would she say, do you think to make me believe, that this cost you twelve pence? then I pretended to step aside and weep, afterwards I would go to my Master, and complain of the ill offices some endeavoured to do me, and would press him to send his Steward unto the market, to be informed of the truth, that I might thereby stop our Land-ladies mouth, who was ever prattling. He would then send him, who returning, satisfied my Master with the truth: by this means Don Diego and his Steward were very well informed of my honesty, and not displeased with our Mistresses good will, and then would my Master say unto his Steward, would to God Buscon were as free from vice, as he is full of honesty. By these devices did we suck his blood like Horseleeches, but much better. Perchance gentle Reader, you will tell me that our booty at the years end might be considerable, and that I was in conscience bound to make restitution; the one I confess, the tother I utterly deny, for that our Landlady confessed and received the Communion every eight days, and yet I could never hear or perceive, she had the least intention of restoring, or indeed that she made any scruple of it, insomuch that imitating such a godly religious Saint as she was, I thought I had done no fault at all: she did ware about her neck a pair of Beads so heavy, that one less devout than she, would as willingly have carried the Mortars. There hung upon it, several metals, Images, Crosses, Pictures, and indulgences, with which, to use her own terms, she prayed for her benefactors: She had above a hundred Saints, who were her Advocates; and the truth is, she had need of so many more intercessors, to procure remission of the sins she committed. She lay in a Chamber over my Masters, and said more Prayers than the ablest of the three hundred blind Beggars of Paris; in which she used such latin words as Cicero never knew, so that we would almost kill ourselves with laughing: She had besides these, many other good qualities; she was a great reconciler of such as differ in affections; a Doctress of delight, which is as much as to say, a Baud. If at any time I fell out with her, she would excuse herself, saying, it is an ill bird which defiles his own nest.  
Gentle Reader, I would not have thee believe that we were always good friends no, no, you must know, it is impossible for two covetous friends, who are continually gaping after their particular profit, to hold good correspondence any long time together; for they will be endeavouring how to deceive one the other, and for my own particular, I must needs confess, I should do so, if I found any handsome opportunity, as I am now going to let you see.  
She bred up in a back-court of the House, good store of Poultry; I once cast mine eyes on them, and began to long like a woman with child, for to see a couple of the best Chicken there, ready roasted in a dish: It chanced upon a day that she went to feed them, and there cried Pio, pio, pio, which she did several times together: I presently fancied what that might allude unto; in order to my satisfaction: Oh God Mistress Cyprian (for such was her name) would to Christ you had either killed a man, or clipped money, rather than done that thing, for I must of necessity go and accuse you: Oh how unfortunate are we both, that it should thus fall out! She was not a little troubled seeing me make such complaints; well, what is it I have done, said she, prithee dear Buscon, tell me whether thou art in jest or in earnest, and rid me of the fright in which thou hast put me: How, quoth I, whether I am in jest, would to God it were no worse: I must go and acquaint the Inquisition with it, else I am excommunicate, ipso facto: To the Inquisition, said she; why have I committed aught contrary to the Catholic Faith? Nay it is worse, said I, do not mock at the Inquisitors, but confess your blasphemy, acknowledge your own wickedness, and recant what you have said: If I should recant it, quoth she, pale and trembling as she was, would they condemn me to undergo any corporal public punishment? no, said I, they would then absolve you; then I eat my words, said she, but you must then tell me what I said, for I know not: Is it possible you should be so ignorant, replied I, I can-well tell how to express it unto you, for the heinousness of the offence is so great, that I shake for very fear, at the thought of it. Do you not remember that when you called your Chickens, you cried, Pio, pio, pio, and that Pio is the name of the Popes, who are Gods Vicegerents, and the Keys of the Church: She was almost dead with grief. It is true Buscon, I said so indeed; but if I said it out of any ill will, I wish I might never go more. Prithee try if thou canst not find out some invention to avoid accusing of me; for I had rather be hanged then go before the Inquisition. I told her, provided she would swear upon the Holy Altar, that she said it not out of malice; I were then dispensed withal for accusing her; but then of necessity, those very two Chickens which first came to eat (I observed them both very well) when you said those blessed names of the High Bishops, must be delivered into my hands, that I may carry them to a Familiar, for so one of the Ministers of the Inquisition is called, that he may burn them, for they are accursed. Afterwards, you must solemnly vow, never to fall again into the like horrible blasphemy: She was overjoyed to hear this expedient; Buscon, said she, I prithee take those two Chickens immediately, and let them suffer for my sin, and too morrow I will make my solemn vow before the Altar. I told her, there was yet one inconvenience unprevented, for said I, the Familiar will ask of me, if I were the person who had committed this great crime, and in this uncertainty he might do me a mischief; wherefore I am of opinion, continued I, that you yourself go; for I must needs confess, I do not desire to have to do with those kind of people, for they spare not man. Alas! dear Buscon, said she, hearing me say so, for God's sake pity me, and carry them, I hope you will not be in any danger; and I assure thee thou wilt rid me of a great vexation. I made her beg me a good while, before I would yield unto her: in fine, I condescended, and away I went with the two Chickens, which I conveyed into my Chamber: I pretended to go about it, and at last home I came, and told her all things had succeeded better than I expected; The Familiar indeed, said I, was once in the mind to come along with me, to see the woman who had done the fact, but I put him off with much ado, whereupon she hugged me, and gave me another Chick for my pains, which with its other two companions, were eaten that night by myself, and the rest of the servants of the House: Not long after, Cyprian smelled out the trick I had put upon her, whereat she was like to burst for spite, nay she wanted but little of discovering my tricks to my Master, but she being party to the crime, feared lest she might become partaker of the punishment.  
Behold me now at open defiance with Madam Cyprian, and without hopes of reconcilement, whereupon I was forced to seek out new inventions to pass away the time, for I could not forbear my Rogueries, which I had learned amongst the Scholars. One night I walked a broad into the Town, about nine at night, at which time, there are not many people in the Streets.  
I passed close by a Drugisters shop, and perceived a frail of Raisins lying on the stall, I seized on them, and ran away with all my force; the Apprentices of the shop, together with the Neighbours, began to run after me as hard as they could drive. I was the better Footman, and had gotten a good way before them; but the weight I carried, hindered me so much, that they had taken me, had it not been for a Stratagem which came into my head, which was this, turning at the corner of a Street, I made a short stop, and getting upon a Stall, began to cry, holding one of my legs in my hand, The Devil take you rogue, he hath lamed me, just as they were passing by, Where is he? where is he? said they all out of breath. Yonder said I goes a boy, the Devil go with him, I think he hath broken my leg, the Devil break his neck. I know not whether it be he you look for.  
Away they went down the Street, and I went my ways with the Frail: home I came, and told my Companions what had passed, but they would not believe it; to convince them, I invited them out the next night to see me run, not at the Ring, but at the Grocer's box; whom I had so newly met with. The hour being come, I observed that the Frails were not now on the stall, but within the Shop, and that I could not reach them with my hands, besides the Grocer himself was there upon his guard, having been so lately bitten, however I would not relinquish my design. I got me on the other side of the Street, just over against the shop; with my sword in my hand; which was a good stiff tuck; then I began to run directly into the shop, as hard as I could, and crying kill him, kill him, I made a full thrust, which missed little of Master Grocer's beard, but entered into one of the Boxes; the Master of the Shop fell down under his Counting-board as if he had been killed indeed, though he was not so much as touched; and I in the mean while carried away the the Box upon the point of my Sword. Thus I made my companions see, that I wanted neither wit nor courage to undertake any good design, and they themselves confessed, that I alone was able to maintain the whole House, provided I could but see enough to take, which in plain English was as much as to say, I was a good Thief. I was young and very proud of being so commended; whereupon I gave up myself to study what Prank I should play next.  
Now because I perceived Don Diego did not mislike it, seeing I came cleverly off, I laid a wager with him one day, I would get all the Swords of the Round which was duly made every night in Alcala. To see the effect of it, we all got out of the house one night, and went to a certain place, where we knew the Round must pass of necessity: When we perceived them coming, I marched up before the rest of the servants, and began to cry out in a pitiful tone, Justice, Justice: Who's there, said they? Is the Captain there, quoth I? Yes said they, thereupon I fell on my knees: Sir said I, I demand Justice of you, it lies in your power to do me right in an outrage which was committed against me; and withal, do the Commonwealth good service: I beseech you Sir hear me but two words in private, I shall acquaint you with a brave discovery: Presently he withdrew from the rest of his Company, and came to me: In the mean time the watchmen began to look about, and to see whether their Swords were clear, and their Pistols in good order: I have followed six men from Sevil hither, the wickedest Rogues that ever lived; in a word, they are both Thiefs and Murderers, one of them killed my Mother, and a little Brother that I had, having broken into our house to rob us: there are witnesses enough of it; and it is said that they came to guard a certain French Spy, whom I suppose to be Antonio Peres, speaking very softly. I had no sooner said so, but he opened his ears; Where are they? In the College, said I; I conjure you to use the utmost diligence, the fouls of my Mother and Brother will reward you with their Prayers, and the King with temporal benefits: Patience, replied he, we will lose no more time; follow me, quoth he, to his Archers, and give me my Target: No no, Sir said I, taking him aside, you will undo all, and endanger yourselves besides, if you go that way to work; you had better go in one by one, and without Swords, for they have all of them Pistols; and in case they perceive you with the Arms, they will suspect you, seeing none but Officers dares wear a Sword in this place, and then doubtless they would fire upon you: Your best way is to carry your Daggers close under your Cloaks, and then we shall be sure of them, for we are enough of us. The Corrigidore approved of my advice; by this we were come unto the place, and he commanded his followers to hid their Swords in the grass, which was just before the House, which they all did, and so went on; They all entered in, myself being the last man: Now I had pre-instructed my Companion, that assoon as they should lay down their Swords, he should seize on them, and away, which he did very dexterously: They all marched in, and myself in the rear of them; but without more ado, I hied me into my Chamber with my Companions: In the interim, behold the Corrigidore with his Archers, who finding nothing in the House but Scholars, went out to look for me, he perceiving me vanished, began to conceive how he was gulled. Out he goes with all his men, whom he sent for their Swords; but with all their diligence, they could not find so much as half of one. It were superfluous to acquaint you with the many searches and researches, which the Corrigidore and Rector of the College made that very night: I shall therefore only tell you how they sought up and down every Court and corner of the House; all the Chambers, nay, the very Beds: Now I for fear of being discovered, got me to bed, with a night Cap on my head, a wax Candle in one hand, and a Crucifix in tother, and a young Priest at my beds-head, instructing and assisting me to die; all the rest of my Companions were at their Litanies; when behold up came the Rector and Corrigidore, who seeing so sad a spectacle, presently retired, thinking I had little need of so many Swords to defend me from death; but on the contrary, they said certain Prayers in my behalf, and went away without the least hopes of recovering their Swords. The Rector vowed unto the Corrigidore, to deliver into his hands him who had done this affront; and the other swore he would hang him, though he were a Duke's Son: Day came, I arose again and made myself ready. In Alcala they talk of this adventure to this very day; All the people, the Porters, Barbers, Costermongers, and reverend Hearbwomen, (for I shall never forget them, with th'pox to them, since they affronted me when I was King of the Scholars) entertain themselves with the discourse of it upon the highway: I shall not acquaint you with the Tributes I took of green Pease and Beans, upon Raisins and Herbs, of our neighbour's Gardens, which lay near our lodging: By these and the like devices I acquired the reputation of being the archest Crack in all the Country; for which I was so beloved by all the Gentry, that I had much ado to stay with Don Diego, whom I ever respected for the affection he bore unto me.   

Buscon receiveth the news of his Father's death: He leaveth his Master, and changeth his Profession.  
ABout this time Don Diego received a Packet from his Father; wherein was one enclosed for myself, from an Uncle of mine, the most noted man in all Segovia, and a Retainer to the Justice; in a word, he was the Hangman, but withal, very expert in his Office, for whoever had seen him at his Trade, would have even longed to have been hanged. This Personage it was, who sent me the Letter from Segovia unto Alcala: In which I pray you do but observe the Fatherly affection he bore unto me.  
A Letter from Grimpant, unto his Nephew.  
THE great employments which I have under his Majesty, have hindered me from writing unto you any sooner: I must confess it a troublesome business to be in his Majesty's service; yet the honour and glory we take in that Title, doth a little mollify the trouble thereof. I am much afflicted to be the conveyancer of such news unto you as cannot be very welcome: Your Father died eight days since; but the most generously that I ever yet saw man. I must needs give that testimony of him in all places, for it was myself who trussed him up: He marched along looking up to the Windows, and making Civilities to all such as had neglected their other affairs to behold him: He came unto the Pillar of wood, commonly called the Gibbet, The Non plus ultra of his life: He got to the Ladder, which he mounted up with a good grace, and being a lover of order, having spied one of the Rounds of the Ladder broken, over which he got, he turned about to the Justice, and desired it might be mended for the next comer, who perhaps might be less active than himself. I cannot well represent unto you, how handsomely he appeared in the eyes of all the Spectators; He sat him down in a most becoming posture; he took the Cord himself, and fastened the knot of it; and seeing the Friar, who assisted him, began to exhort him unto constancy: Father, quoth he, I have long since prepared myself for this action; Let us only say a little of the Belief, and so make an end, for I would not be troublesome to the company; which doné, he threw off himself, without folding of his legs, or making any ugly faces, and so he continued a pretty while, with a most incomparable gravity. I quartered him, and bestowed him in the highways. God knows how I was troubled to see him in that condition, when he was cut out into Crow's meat; but I hope the Pie-makers of the Country will oblige us to lodge him in a better place. As for your Mother though yet living, I can say little better, for she is in the hand of the Inquisition of Toledo, accused of unburying the dead, (notwithstanding she never spoke ill of any one) as also of kill labourers : The truth is, there were found about her, more Heads, Legs, Arms, of wax, then are in a Chapel of miracles: In a word, 'tis thought she is a Jew and a Witch. I am exceedingly afflicted that she should so dishonour our Family, in which I have no small interest, being an Officer of the Kings; for the relation I have unto her, is no mean discredit to me amongst persons of quality: Besides, my dear child, I have something which belongs to you; as Heir to your Father and Mother, in all about four hundred Ducats: Moreover, I am your Uncle, I have not any children, but shall resign mine Office unto you: You may therefore on sight hereof, provide to come hither; for with that Latin and Rhetoric which you know, I persuade myself you will be a very dexterous Proficient in our Trade. I pray your speedy Answer; And in the Interim, God have you in his good keeping, etc.  
I must needs confess, I was much out of countenance at the shame and discredit of my Parents, but I was quickly comforted, when I considered of the money. I went unto Don Diego. whom I found still reading of his Letters; in which his Father commanded him to return unto Segovia, and to leave me at Alcala, for he had heard some of my Pranks. He told me, his Father had commanded him thence, and that he was sorry to leave me; but withal, that he would recommend me in case I liked it, unto a Gentleman, a friend of his, to be his servant: Sir, said I to him, I have my thoughts a little higher than so; I renounce the meaness of all those conditions; I intent to scale Honour; and if hitherto I have had one foot upon the Ladder, as every one knows: You may be pleased to understand, That my Father hath mounted up to the very top of it. I expounded my meaning unto him, and shown him the Letter which my Noble Uncle had written to me; for he knowing who I was, I might the more freely, and with less shame, discover the whole affair unto him: He was very sad at it, and asked me what I intended to do. I acquainted him with my designs, and the next morning he went to Segovia; very sad I stayed behind in the Lodging, dissembling my grief, the best I could; I burned my Letter, for fear lest some one might find it, and so discover my shame. Then I resolved to go for Segovia, to take possession of my Birthright, and also to know my Kindred, that I might the better avoid them, and shun the place of their Habitation.   

Buscon's departure from Alcala towards Segovia; His meeting with two Coxcombs, with whom he passed the time on the way; one was an Engineer, another's a Fencer.  
AT length the day came that I was to abandon the most pleasant life I had yet known: God knows what a regret it was unto me, to bid adieu unto so many friends and companions. I sold those few things I had, amongst my fellow servants, and by the help of some certain devices of mine, I picked up about six hundred Rials: I bought me a Mule, and got out of the house, having little besides my shadow to carry with me. I cannot express unto you in what lamentations I left the poor Cobbler, for the shoes where with he had trusted me, nor the sadness of Dame Cyprian our Landlady, for the moneys she had lent me, nor the clamours of her husband for the hire of our Lodgings; for to say the truth, I carried away the money my Master had left with me to pay him; one said his heart did always mis-give him; another, that he ever thought me a rogue. But so it was, I went away so well beloved, that at least half of those who knew me, wept for my departure, and t'other half laughed at those who wept. In the way, I entertained myself with thinking on those affairs, when having passed Torote, I overtook a man upon a little mule, talking to himself, and so much given over to his frenzy, that though I was come up close by his side, yet he see me not; I roused him out of his ecstasy, by saluting him, he returned my civility, I asked him whether he went, and being each of us satisfied in our demands of that nature, he began to question me, concerning the Turks coming into Christendom, and of what forces the King had to oppose him.  
Then he asked me what means there were to regain the holy Land, and how Argiere might be taken; by this I smelled him to be a fool of the Commonwealth.  
We continued our discourse, and from one thing to another, we came at last into Flanders, that is, to talk of those Countries. There it was that he began to look about him indeed, Those States quoth he, stand me in more than the King himself; for it is fourteen years since I fell upon a design, which but that it is impossible, had produced a general peace. Wherein I pray, said I, doth consist the convenience and also impossibility together, that it cannot be effected? what is it that you say, replied he? that it cannot be effected? Yes, it may be effected, but to be impossible is quite another thing, and were it not for fear of troubling your patience, I would acquaint you with it, for I am now upon printing of it, with some few other works of mine, wherein I will show his Majesty how to take Oastend two several ways. I beseeched him to make me acquainted with it, whereupon he fell a groping in his pockets, and at last drew out a map, both of the enemies and our Fort, saying, you see all the difficulty of the business consisteth in this arm of the Sea there, now I shall furnish you with a device to dry it quite up, which may be done with Sponges. I no sooner heard that word, but a fit of laughter came into my mouth, and he instead of being any way offended there with, began to laugh in like manner, 'tis true, said he, all men unto whom I have discovered this my invention, have done the same, as you do, so well pleased they were with it. I believe so said I, they could do no less, hearing such a new invention, and founded upon such solid reasons, yet I must needs tell you, under favour, that having drained up all the water in it, yet would the Sea quickly fill it up again; Oh I have a device for that too, replied he, for I would have the Sea there undermined about a dozen Fathom, I durst not say one word more to him, for fear lest he should tell me of a device to pull Heaven down upon earth, for in good earnest, I never met with such extravagant follies; with these admirable proposals we came unto Torregeon, where my Engineer stayed, for he was to visit a kinsman of his: I road on, laughing at the conceit of his inventions. That day fortune was very favourable to me indeed, much more than usually, by her care of entertaining me; for she brought me to see a mule bridled and saddled, a good way from me, feeding at full liberty, and not far thence a man looking on a book, and drawing lines therein with a pen, which he measured with a pair of Compasses. Then I beheld him retreating and advancing, holding out his arms, as if he were fight, and ever now and then his arms would be crossed one over tother, in a thousand several postures, as if he were at Sword and Dagger. Never was man so astonished as myself at the sight hereof: To be short, I concluded it was some Conjurer, God bless us, in which apprehension, I durst hardly adventure to go any farther, However I took heart at grace, and on I marched; at last he spied me, and with that shut up his book, and clapping his foot in the Stirrup, by accident he slipped out again, and fell all along upon the ground. I went to him, and helped him up again, and he looking somewhat scurvily upon me, said, I did not take the due centre of my circumference in mounting. I understood not what he said, but I perceived him to be the most absolure fool, that ever yet frighted woman. He asked me whether I were travelling towards Madrid in a direct or circumflex Line? He demanded what manner of Sword it was I wore by my side, and whose it was? I told him it was my own; Those cross bars of your Hilt should have been longer, to have defended the down right blows which are form in the Centre of the Stocadoes, said he. When I heard him canting in such strange and hideous terms, I took the boldness to ask him, of what profession he was? he answered me that he was a most accomplished Master of defence, viz, a Fencer, and that he would make trial of his skill, in any place whatever, at single Rapier, or at Sword & Dagger; I believe it, I believe it, said I in a great deal of haste, for fear lest he should have challenged me. To tell you the truth, said I, I took you rather for some Conjurer, than a Fencer, before I came up to you. I was, replied he, endeavouring to find out an Idea which then came into my mind, wherewith by means of the fourth Circle and Rule of Proportion, I might engage any man's Sword living, in a Duel, and so kill him, with a confession that he might never be able to discover who did it, and when you were just come to me, I was trying it by the rules of the Mathematics. Why said I is it possible there should be any Mathematical rules in it? do you doubt it quoth he, nay, there is not only the Mathematics, but also Divinity, Philosophy, Music, and Physic; as for the last I doubt it not, said I, for that treats of killing; do not laugh at it replied he, for I will instantly teach you a notable thrust against a downright blow, which shall comprehend in it, all the spiral lines of the Sword. For my part said I, I understand not one syllable of what you speak, neither little nor great. Hold said he, there's a book which expoundeth all of them, it is called the Sword's Dexterity, It is an excellent good one, and contains miracles, and that you may no longer doubt it, when we come to Rejas, whither we are going, you shall see me do wonders with a couple of Spits; therefore I pray believe, he who reads this book may easily kill, whom he will, and as many as he will. He had need then replied I, get a receipt how to make the Plague, or turn Doctor of Physic. Whilst we were thus discoursing, we came to Rejas, and as we were alighting at the Stable, he cried out to me, that I should make an obtuse angle with my legs, and then reducing them into parallel lines, that I should alight perpendicularly. The Host, who was at the door, seeing me laugh, did the like, and asked me if the Gentleman were a Jew or an Hebrew? With that question I thought I should have died. Well, he put his Mule into the Stable, and then spoke to the host saying, Ho lo, you within there, pray lend me a couple of spits, that I may roast two or three Angles, I shall restore them immediately; Yes Sir said the Master of the house, but you need not put yourself to the trouble Sir, only give me the Angles, my wife shall dress them, though I must confess I never yet heard of any such Birds. How? they are not birds said the Fencer, and looking upon me, began to smile, to see what ignorance is, lend me two Broaches, I mean only to fence a little, and peradventure what I shall show you, may be worth you more than all you ever got in your life. To be short, the spits were all used, and instead of them he was forced to be contented with two Ladels: never was there seen a more pleasant spectacle; he stood upon his guard, in this posture quoth he, I advance, and I make my thrust, and gain the point of the eye: Remember it, for I make use of it, at this day to kill to the life.  
Now I pray see the difference between a thrust and a cut, he never came within ten paces of me, but went round about me; whoever had seen us with our Ladels in our hands, would have sworn we had been inventing some secret design against a pot of Pottage which was ready to run away by boiling over: then all out of breath with the exercise, look you quoth he, this is the true secret of Arms, not of your swaggering companions, who can only wield a flagon, and call themselves fencing Masters, but indeed know nothing but how to drink well. He had scarce made an end of speaking, but I spied coming out of a Chamber over against us, a certain Personage, who seemed to be somewhat discontented, his Mustachio's of the colour, and as big as the mane of a bay-horse well made, a broad brimmed hat, with one side buttoned up, the tother hanging over his face, a kind of a collar, made of an old Table cloth, just like an Ox-coller, his legs displayed like the Imperial Eagles, his countenance with a great Per Signum Crucis de Inimicis suis. His Mustachio's like a pair of Spindle's, a Sword by his side, a Dagger upon his Kidneys, with the bars shining like a Nun's Parlour, and looking on the ground, I have been said he in my days— as these marks will testify, and by my head, I will give him a hundred cuts with my Sword, nay I'll kill him outright, that shall dare to injure the Fencing-Masters; with that he laid his hand on his hilts, and withdrew three paces backwards. I was afraid of a quarrel, to prevent which I stepped in between them, and told him there was no body spoke to him, nor gave him any provocation: However he continued in his fury, let him come cried he, with his naked Sword, if he hath ever a one, and leave his Ladles, that we may show wherein lies the true secret of arms, Therewithal my poor Companion took out his book, and said, look you here's the Book which containeth it, it is printed by the King's Privilege, and I will maintain the truth of it with this Ladle here, and in all places whatever; for look you, let us measure, and then drawing his compass, this Angle is obtuse, but the tother drawing his Sword, I know neither Angel nor Obtuse, nor did I ever hear of any such Fencers names; but with this Sword in my hand, I'll cut off all their heads that shall despise our Art; therewithal he held up his hand to strike, but the poor Rogue my Companion, at the same time began to look about him; and run away towards our Chamber. It is our of his power to hurt me, cried he, for I have gotten the height of his eye: with much ado, at last the Master of the house, a myself made them friends; for my own part, I could hardly speak for laughing. We lay in the same Chamber, we went to supper, and so to bed: About two in the morning he risen up in his shirt, and began to grope about the Chamber, advancing and retreating, withal uttering a thousand extravagances in Mathematical Language; he wakened me, and not only so, but called for the Chamberlain to bring him a Candle, saying, he had found the object fixed to the Stoccade; our Landlord cursed him to the pit of Hell for troubling of him, and at last called him fool; with that he returned back to his Chamber, and told me, if I would rise, I should see what a rare invention he had found against Turkish Cimiters, which he was then going to make his Majesty acquainted withal, for that it greatly imported the welfare of Christendom. Not long after the day began to appear, we risen, my Companion and the Fencing Master shook hands, and I paid our Reckoning, and so we proceeded on our Journey.   

The conceited Extravagancies of a certain Poet whom Buscon overtook going to Madrid.  
I Took my way towards Madrid, and my Companion parted with me, for he was bound another way: He had no sooner left me, but he cried out to me aloud; I stayed for him, and though we were in the open field, and no body near us, yet he came to me, and whispered me in the ear, saying; For God's sake Sir, let me beg you not to discover unto any man, those rare Mysteries which I have showed unto you, but make use of them for your own occasions, I promised him so to do: He went his way, and I mine, laughing at the conceit of his Extravagances. Thus I rod on above a League without meeting any one, ruminating with myself upon some difficulties which presented themselves to my thoughts, concerning my profession of Honour and Virtue; for first I was of necessity to obliterate the memory of my Father, and then to lead such a life as might serve to conceal myself. I conceived those very proposals to be a good beginning, and said in my mind; Can I but once, of myself, produce such actions as might savour of Honour and Virtue, I should be a thousand times more to be commended then those who derive them from their Grandfather. These were my contemplations, when behold I overtook an old man on a Mule, making towards Madrid. After usual salutations we fell into discourse; he demanded of me whence I came: I told him from Alcala: A curse light upon those Countries, replied he, for there is hardly one man of understanding thereabouts: I wonder said I, you should so undervalue them, for I assure you, there are many ingenuous men in those parts. Ingenuous men say you, (replied he all in a fury) whereabouts I pray you? I am sure I lived fourteen years since at Majabond, where I was a Schoolmaster and the man that made all the Christmas Carols they sung there, yet they had never so much wit as to make me any present for it; but that you may be made sensible both of their ingratitude and ignorance, I shall show you a Song, which is here in my Satchel; with that he put his hands into his Breeches, I observed his action, and could not but much wonder at his behaviour: After he had fumbled up and down on both sides, a pretty while together, he drew me out a certain Fardel of papers, as greasy as a Cook's clothes; amongst them he picked out one, in which was described the meeting of the Shepherds going to Bethlehem, made up in as pitiful sad Rhimes as ever was seen in a Ballad. It was impossible for me to say any thing in opposition against him; for I gave up myself to such a fit of laughter at the sight of his simplicity, that I could scarce fetch my breath.  
So I began to flatter him, for my better pastime, and told him I was much of his opinion concerning the beastiality and stupidity of those people, who were unable to judge of things according to their worth; and that for my own part, I had never seen any thing in my life, which pleased me better. I beseech you said he, since you like them so well, to hear a little piece of a Book I have made upon the eleven thousand Virgins; upon each of which I have made fifty Stanzas of eight Verses a piece: I assure you it's a rich piece: I to excuse myself from hearing so many Millions of Stanzas, beseeched him to talk to me no more of godly affairs: I think the Devil is resolved to vex me with this importunate Rascal, said I to myself, turning about my head, and making a sour face: He without more ado, fell a groping for a Comedy, in which were more days work then a man had need to have made in going to Jerusalem; I did it in two days, said he, this is but the foul draught; it will take up at least half a Ream of Paper when it is completed; I have named it Noah's Ark: All the Representations are of Cocks, Birds, Foxes, Asses, and Boars, in imitation of Aesop's Fables. It is my own, added he, and in deed I believe the world never yet saw the like; if I could but once get it acted, I am confident all the Spectators would be ravished: Well, said I, but how can that be, when all the Interlocutors must be beasts, which cannot speak; Ah th'Devil on't, that's all the difficulty in it; but I have a trick for that too: I can change my figures, and put in Parrots, Jays, Magpies, & Starlings, all which may be taught to speak: and for the Interludes, I will bring in Apes, Monkeys, and the like: Yes marry, said I, now I hold with you, now you have hit the nail on the head. This is not all, replied he, I have some other fine toys, which I made upon a woman whom I loved: Look you, said he, here are nine hundred and one Sonnets, and twelve Copies of Verses, (when I heard him naming those numbers, I verily thought he had been talking of money) all which I made upon her feet. I asked him if ever he had seen her feet, not as yet replied he, but the conceits are by way of Prophecy. I was much pleased with the man's ingenuity; but the fear I was in, lest he should begin to read some of his Iliads, made me alter my discourse. Looking about, I spied a Hare, which I shown to him; in good time, said he, for in one of my Sonnets I have compared her to that creature; and withal he began to recite it, and I to divert him, told him, look yonder is the Star which ushers in the day. Every thing falls out to day according to my wish, said he, I will now, ending his former, recite you the thirtieth, in which I compare her to a Star; when I heard that, I began to despair, fearing there was not any thing on earth, or in Heaven, upon which, he had not made some Rhimes. But when I found we were almost come to Madrid, I was in hopes he would not have rehearsed his stuff in the streets; but to my great affliction, it fell out quite contrary, for to show what he was he spoke so much the louder. I begged him to be quiet, telling him, that should the children hear he was a Poet, they would throw Lime, and rotten Apples at us, because of late they had been declared to be all fools, by the Politic Ordinances, Published against them, by a certain person, who had once been of the Poetic Sect, but since reclaimed, and brought to his right wits. He was stark mad to hear me say so, but however entreated me to let him see them, if I had them. I told him I would, when we were at our Lodging. Now because he was acquainted in the Town, and I not, I was guided by him. We went then to an Inn where he used to lodge: At the door we found about a dozen Fiddlers and blind Rascals, who were waiting for him: After mutual embracements, they asked him for some fresh Carols, new Songs, Lampoons, or any other pieces of wit: He drew them out a good many, from a Wallet which he had, and got five Rials a piece for his Papers. In fine, he bid them farewel, and turning to me, look you, said he, I will get above three hundred Rials of those people before I go hence; and therefore that I may dispatch their desires, I must needs beg leave to retire from you a little while, and after supper we will see those accursed Ordinances, of which you told me.   

Buscon plays the Box with his Poet, and shows him the Ordinances against Poets. The Ran-counter he had with a Soldier, pretending a Recompense for his services; And of a Hermit who cheated him at play. Buscon's reception by his Uncle.  
A Way went my Poet into a Chamber by himself to make some Ballads: In the mean time Supper was providing, having stuffed out our Doublets, he entreated me to show him the Ordinances; now because I had little else to do until bedtime, I drew them out of my Pocket, and began to read them unto him as followeth.   

Ordinances against the Poets of Bale, The giddyheaded Muses, Mechanical and Hackney Rhimers.  
ALthough we are duly informed that there is a certain kind of Vermin, called Poets, who are totally addicted to Idolatry, worshipping Hairs, Teeth, Gloves, Shoestrings, and the like; as also who daily commit infinite other sins much more heinous, as if they were Barbarians or Pagans: yet are we nevertheless desireous of their conversion, and inclined to use them charitably, in regard they are Christians, and our neighbours. We do therefore Ordain, That in Easter Week, they be assembled together in some public place, then, a there to hear the reproval of their errors, and such other admonitions, as shall be thought proper to reduce them into a way of salvation: And in case there are any who touched with the sense of their crimes, shall be willing to renounce their former detestable life; we shall prepare Colleges for them, (as there are for the penitent Whores) that they may there expiate their offences; the rest we shall send to the Houses of Correction.  
Item considering the great droughts which usually rage in the houses of the fiery Poets, during the dog-days, by reason of the many Suns and Stars wherewith they are stuffed. We do therefore in that behalf, impose a perpetual silence on them, as to heavenly things.  
And as there are certain Months in the Year, during which fishing and hunting are inhibited, so we do expersly prohibit them, not to open their veins in certain Months, lest they should shrink up, by reason of the fury and violence which then might transport them.  
And for as much as this infernal sect of Poets are of the same fraternity with the Barefeet and Carters of the Kingdom: We do therefore order, as a remedy against their extreme necessities, That all their works shall be burnt, as likewise their old Fringes and Embroideries, for the chiefer experimenting of the Philosopher's stone in their behalf: And that the Gold, Silver, Pearls, and all other precious Stones which shall thereby be produced, shall be reserved for them to adorn their Goddesses.  
Here our pedantic Doctor could no longer hold, but up he risen all in a fury; I do declare and protest, said he, against your Ordinance, and shall proceed against you in particular, if you go on any further: I appeal to the University of Parnassus, where my cause ought to be tried, that I may not prejudice my habit and profession; and moreover then so I tell you, I will spend in prosecution of my Suit, whatever God hath sent me in the world. It would be very fine, if a man of my Quality should endure this; for I will prove that the works of such a Poet as myself, are no ways liable to such Ordinances, which I will justify before Apollo.  
I had much ado to forbear laughing, but that I might be kept up no longer, for it was pretty late: I told him the Ordinance was made for sport, and in jeaft, that he who would not obey it might choose; that no one should be forced, for that it had no seal of Authority. Now you say somewhat, replied he, and you have rid me of the greatest trouble I was ever yet in; for you know what a torment it is to threaten a man's works with fire, who hath eight hundred thousand Stanzas ready by him? But God forgive you the fright in which you put me; Thereupon I proceeded.  
Item, For as much as divers have forsaken their Idolatrous life, (though they yet retain some Relics of it) and are turned Shepherds; which is the occasion of their Cattles being so lean; for that they suffer them to drink nothing bu● their tears, nor feed them with any thing but their hoarse Gitars, with which they dull them; and that moreover their wool is half buried, by reason of the fiery sighs, proceeding from the breasts of the said Shepherds. We Ordain, That they surcease the said Trade, and that such of them as affect solitariness, shall go and build them Cottages in the deserts of Lybia: and as for those who shall not submit hereunto, we give them free liberty to hire out themselves unto Nurses to sing and rock their children asleep in their Cradles'.  
He must needs be some Masculine Whore, or Sodomite, or perchance a Jew, who made such Ordinances, cried the poor Pedant: did I but know him, I would show him a satire should make him mad, and all those who should read it besides: But I pray tell me, would it not be fine to see such a Hermit as I should make, who have no beard; Oh I should sing rarely, who have hardly voice enough to speak; could make a shift to write, but never to Preach; Therefore I pray leave off, for if you continue to put me into any more such frights, you will see me fall dead at your feet: No no, said I, you must not be troubled at it, for I have already told you, it's only a piece of Drollery, and that you need believe no more than you please of it.  
Item, For the better suppressing of the many Robberies committed by those  called Poets. We do therefore expressly prohibit all Booksellers to Print, or buy any Books of Poetry in foreign Dialects; that is, That they be not transported from one Kingdom to another; as those of France into Spain, or those of Spain into France, etc. and in case any be found guilty of the said crime or to be seized of such thefts, that he be put into the Pillory for one whole hour, as a Robber of other men's goods.  
I fear not, said the Pedant, smiling, of being brought under that punishment, for I am but too rich in inventions, and need not borrow of others; and if you please, I will swear unto you, that when I take Pen in hand, they do sometimes so throng upon me, that I am four hours together expecting until the first make way, so mightily do they stop one another. No, no Sir, replied I, you need not use any asseverations at all, for I believe you at the first word.  
Item, We do adjudge that all women who shall fall in love with these kind of Poets, who are as dry as Tinder, shall be comprised within the number of wilful murderers, and of such as hang or drown themselves: And we further command, that they be not buried in Holy ground, but in the highways.  
Item, Considering the great number of Comedies, Stanzas, Songs and Sonnets, of which Collections have been made in their late years of increase. We Ordain, That all such Bundles of Copies, as the Cooks and Butter-women have saved, shall be forthwith carried to the Houses of Office, there to be used as occasion shall require, any prohibitions in injunction herein to the contrary notwithstanding; having however, first well rubbed them between their hands for prevention of Excoriations.  
Item, Considering that there are three sorts of people in the Commonwealth which are so extreme miserable, that they cannot live without Poets; as Wooers, Ballad-singers, and Stage-Players; we being charitably inclined in our desires to supply their wants and Indigencies, do permit that there be certain Poets purposely tolerated for their use; provided they subscribe their works, and give notice of their dwellings, that they may be brought to give an account of their misdemeanours and detractions, which for the most part they commit against persons of Honour, in their Lampoons and Lanterelus.  
Lastly, We command all Poets in general, to correct and amend their stile; and that in future they surcease to use that manner of writing unto which they have accustomed themselves in commendation of women, either for their own passions, or for money, which such as are in love give them: Scilicet, That they forbear profaning of Heavenly things, or adopting the names of Angels, Stars, Suns, and Divinities; unto such women as are ready for all comers, provided they have wherewithal to pay their welcome, and this under pain of being banished unto eternal darkness, and given up to the wicked Spirits, and infernal furies, at the hour of their several and respective deaths  
They who heard these Ordinances read, desired copies of them, except our good Pedant, who cried out in a pet, that he need not make any defence, but would imitate the good Poets of Spain, with whom he said, he was well acquainted; I am not for my own part neither, said he, so inconsiderable as you imagine, for I have lain in the same Inn with Dignan, I dined twice with Espinel, and I have been in this City of Madrid as near Lope de Vega as I am to you; I have oftentimes visited Alonso d' Arcilla at his house: besides I have the Picture of divine Figueroa over my chimney, and to conclude, I have bought the Galley-gaskins which Padilla left when he took Orders. I have them to this very day, and will carry them about me as long as they will hold together. Look here they be, quoth he, and withal pulled out a bundle of rags, and showed us an old pair of Breeches, which would hardly have served to have made a scarecrow in a Hemp-yard.  
At this passage all the company began to laugh, and hold their noses because of the nastiness which had almost choked them, and for my own part, I seeing it was late, got me to bed.  
Day came, I risen, and took leave of my Comrade, without bidding him farewell, and so departed from Madrid. Now the Fates, which would not let me be alone, for fear of being in bad company, brought me to meet with a certain Soldier, whom I accosted, and after our usual compliments, he asked me, if I came from the Court, I was only there said I, en passant. Indeed, replied he, with somewhat an ugly look, 'tis well you stayed there no longer, for there are none but Rogues and Rascals live there. 'Sdeath, I had rather for my part be in a Siege up to the middle in snow, and eat nothing but faggot-sticks, than put up such abuses and tricks as they have served me. Whereupon I told him, there were men of all sorts in the Court, and questionless some, who knew how to reward men of valour and worth. How the devil can that be, replied he, seeing I was there six months suing for a scurvy Colours, after twenty years' service in the wars, and the spending of my blood in divers occasions for the King's service, as is to be seen by the wounds which I have received? With that he let down his Breeches and showed me his buttocks, where he had many scars received in the French wars, which he would needs persuade me to be wounds of a sword. Then he showed me his back, Look said he, three pistol-shots, which I received from mine enemies in defence of my Country, and withal showed me three cuts, which were healed up of so equal a distance, and just parallel, that I concluded some Buskin had bestowed them upon him with a dung-fork. I had the more reason to guests so, because I had received such another mischance. Then he took off his Hat, and showed me a forehead of the long sixteens, for so many smaller cuts I could count which thwarted a great slash cross his face, and parted his nose. I received this blow, in Paris, in Gods and the King's service, for all which, I had never any thing but good words, which I look upon as ill payment. Read those papers there, pray, for 'Sdeath? said he there is not a man living, the Devil take me if there be, so remarkable as I am. He had reason for what he said, for he had terrible marks upon his face. Then he drew out of his Breeches a tin-box full of parchments, which I suppose he had stolen from some other man, whose name he had taken upon him. To pleasure him I read them, and began to commend his great valour; I told him, that neither Syd nor Enham, two famous Marquesses could compare with him. How, with me said he? making one step backwards, no nor Garcia de Perades, nor Julian Romero, nor many other stout men ought to be named in the same day with me. There were no great Guns in their time, for had there been, hardly one of them would have stood to it, by this good light, above one hour at most. Pray do but go into Flanders and ask what manner of man Breachtooth is, and you shall hear what they'll tell you. Probably you may be the man, said I to him, looking him in the face, you are in the right, replied he, do you not see that vacant place in my mouth, but we'll talk no more of that, for 'tis not handsome for a man to commend himself.  
Whilst we were in this discourse, we met an Hermit mounted upon an ass, with a Beard almost down to his knees, his countenance very pale and lean, in a long grey Gown. We saluted him with a Deo gratias, as is the custom to those people; he returned the like, and began to discourse of the fairness of the wheat, and the Providence of God Ha dear Father, said the Soldier, I have had the Pikes thicker about me, than this wheat you see here, and that at the Siege of Antwerp: 'Sdeath, I did all a stout man could do, and by this light, had— At this second oath the good Hermit interrupted him, and besought him to swear no more. The Soldier left off that discourse. It's to be seen, Father, said he, that you were never in the wars, in reprehending in me that thing which is most commendable of all others in our profession. At this I could not but smile to myself, for I began to perceive by his discourse he was some counterfeit Braggadochio.  
Whilst we were thus discoursing, we came to the Port. The Hermit was saying over his Pater-nosters upon a rope of Beads, each whereof might well have served for a bowling-Jack; The Soldier for his part, was comparing the adjacent Rocks with those Fortresses and Castles he had seen, making his considerations upon the strength of the place, and where would be the fittest ground for raising a Battery; Oh, said he, I would quickly blow up those Rocks like dust into the air; which will be an acceptable piece of service to Seafaring men. Behold us by this arrived at Crececedilla, We lodged all three together, we called for our Suppers, which while our Landlord was providing, the Hermit said unto us, it will not be amiss if we used some diversion till Suppertime, for Idleness is the Mother of all vice; Let us then play if you will for Pater-nosters, and Ave-maries'; not so good Father, quoth the Soldier, That kind of money I hold to be good among such religious men as you are, but, if you please, let us play for an hundred Royals, and no more, for I have always such a trifling sum in reserve to sport away. At that I pricked up my ears, saying, I would venture as much, and the Hermit to show that he was not ill company, told us that he had an alms for the lamp of his Hermitage, to the value of two hundred Royals. When I heard that, my heart went pittepat until we were at it, for I hoped to be the wick that should suck up all the oil of that Lamp; but I wish all the Turks designs may thrive no better. To be short, we went to dice at hazard. At first he told us, he understood not the game, which was no small grief to me, we offered to teach him, as in fine we did. That blessed Saint did at first let us win some of his Royals, but after a little while he gave us such rude rebuffes, that he quickly dispatched us, and made himself our Executor before our deaths. At every cast which the Soldier lost, he cursed himself a thousand times to the pit of Hell, with many Oaths, and I eat my finger's ends, whilst the Hermit was employing of his in drawing our money to him: as fast as we called upon the Devil, and execrated him cursing our misfortune, he would name the Saints and Angels. After he had thus bit us, the Soldier of his hundred Royals, and me of six hundred, we asked him if he would play upon tick: He replied, he would not deal so rigorously with us, for that we were Christians and Neighbours, but hereafter when you play, do not swear; for you see by me, who recommended myself to God and the Saints, how favourable fortune hath been to me. We were not so well skilled at that trade a he was, but like Ingrum's believed him. The Soldier swore not only that he would never swear more, but never to play more. I did the like, Ah plague on it, said he, I have been oftentimes amongst Lutherans and Moors, but never treated with so great severity, and so little charity as by that devilish Hermit. In the mean time, the Hermit laughed at us in his sleeve, being by this fallen to his Beads again. I who had never a cross to bless myself withal, entreated him to bear my charges to Segovia, which he kindly did.  
To be short, we went to lodge in a great Hall, which looked somewhat like an Hospital, for that there were several people which lodged there, the other chambers being all full. I went to bed indeed, but I could not sleep a wink, my six hundred Royals did so run in my mind. The Soldier called for the Master of the house, and delivered him the papers in his tin-box, with another small packet bound up in an old sheet. The Hermit crossed himself, we addressed ourselves to sleep. During the night I heard the Soldier talking to himself of his hundred Royals, as of a mischief past cure, and I was plotting with myself some trick to retrieve my six hundred In the interim, it was time to rise: The Soldier called for a candle, which the Chamberlain brought him. The Master of the house laid his packet on the Table, but withal had forgot to bring him his box. Not long after, the Soldier looking about, and seeing only his Packet, began to cry out as if he had been undone. Oh my business, my business at the same time, the Hermit and I began to call out that somebody should bring him his businesses. In a word, we made such an hurly-burly, that our Host presently got three close-stools for us, which he brought in, saying, take every one one; would you have any more, thinking we had bad some looseness. At that the Soldier whipped out of bed stark naked with his Sword in his hand, and ran after the Host, swearing he would kill him, and slash him into an hundred thousand pieces. Does he mock me, said he? I'll make him know, I have been at the battle of Saint Quintin, and many others, and does he think to flap me in the nose with a close-stool instead of my papers, and business which I gave him in custody? All that were in the Hall began to run after him to pacify him, but all would not do. The Master of the house said to him, Sir your Worship did call so earnestly for your business, that I verily believed you had some looseness; nor did I understand you called for your box. At last the business was ended, and he returned into the Hall. During this hurly-burly I lay close, watching to have made a scramble, in case the Hermit had stirred, of the booty he had yesterday got of us, but the crafty knave was more cunning than myself, for he stirred not, fearing belike some conspiracy against his treasure, and told us by way of excuse we had put into so great fear, that his heart failed him. All being quiet, the Hermit very liberally paid for the Soldier and myself. We went through the Town to pass the Port for my particular, I was much troubled I could not bring about my design: Nor far off me met with a Gennoese, I mean, one of those Antichrists of the Spanish Usurers, with a serving man behind him that carried a Canopy to keep the Sun from him, and by this he seemed to be a rich man. We began several discourses with him, which he still ended in Bancos and Exchanges, for they are generally a kind of people in my apprehension are a kin to Judas, always talking of the Purse. He began to name Bizance, viz. whether one might safely return money at Bizance: and reiterated Bizance, so often, that the Soldier and I asked him what that Gentleman might be; he began to smile, and told us it was a City in Italy, where Merchants met to set prizes upon moneys: From this answer we gathered that Birance was the place where the money-taylors' took their measures. Amongst other discourses he told us he was undone by a Bankrupt, in which he had lost above threescore thousand Crowns, which he said upon his conscience the least, though for my part I believe that conscience amongst Merchants is like a Maidenhead in a Bawd's hands, which is sold without delivery. There is none that use it, for having heard that it stings they left it at their first being born with their navels.  
Amidst our discourse, we came within sight of Segovia, which pleased me very much; but the memory of the insufferable torments I had undergone with Ragot did much take from me my content.  
Coming near the City, I perceived my Father in the highway, expecting company; I was much troubled at it, but dissembled it the best I could. I took my leave of my Comrades, and went contriving how I might hear of my Uncle; I rod in unknown to any one, for I had a little beard grown, and withal indifferent good clothes. I enquired of divers men where Master Grimpant lived, but I could hear nothing of him: I was exceeding glad to find so many honest men in my own Country. Whilst I was in this trouble, I saw a number of pitiful Rogues running along and looking behind them; I got myself up to the wall, as several others did; when behold there passed by a company of Halberteers, with other Officers of justice, and in the middle of them a rope of Penitents against their wills, half naked, and my Uncle in the rear of them, with two-handed Handkerchiefs, with which he brushed their shoulders, to keep of the Wasps; I was so near the way where he passed, that he presently discovered me: Oh my Nephew, cried he, embracing me, pray stay here for me; I shall only take a walk with these Gentlemen and return to you and carry you to dine with me: I thought I should have died for shame; for there were more Rascals stayed behind to look upon me, than followed the poor Penitents; and had it not been for the money my Father had left me in his hands, I would that very hour have left the City never to see it more; but I could do no less at that time then promise him that I would there expect him as I did; and he having dispatched his business, came to me, and carried me along with him.   

The kind entertainment which Buscon received from his Uncle; The good cheer he made him in his House; and how after he had received his Portion, he left his company.  
THis Worshipful Uncle of mine lived near the Slaughter-House, the most infectious and noisome place of thewhole City: This is not a Palace, said he, as he went into his Lodging; but I can assure you, my dear Nephew, it is very commodious for my. Office: We went up on a Ladder to the Chamber; at the first step I set my foot on it, I looked upwards, mistrusting lest some disaster might betid me, for it looked like the highway to the Gallows. We entered a Chamber whose Roof was so low, that were forced to go in the same posture as those who receive benedictions, viz. with our heads in our Cod-pieces: By chance I cast my eyes upon a row of Pins, where hung all the Utensils of his Trade; as Whips, Cords, Swords, Knives, and Branding Irons: never was Galleyslave more astonished or ashamed then myself at the sight of those goodly moveables: He asked me why I did not lay down my Cloak, and why I did not sit; I told him it was my custom to do as he saw: You are very fortunate, said he, in coming to me this day, for I shall give you some good cheer, there being some friends of mine to dine with me. In the midst of his discourse, in came a certain man in a long tawny Gown; he was one of those that goes about begging for the souls in Purgatory and holding up his Box, said to my Uncle The Souls have not been to day worth above their weight in  silk. With that he laid his Box down in a corner, and trussing up his Gown, I saw his baker legs, which were made like a greek Y reversed; presently he began to dance. Is not Rapiere come yet, said he? No, quoth my Uncle: Thereupon came into the Chamber a great scoundrel fellow, creeping on his knees, which he was forced unto, either because he was too high, or the Chamber too low. His face was all Chequerwork, flat nosed, with a Hat like a flute glass, only the brims were so large that it might have served for a Penthouse for three or four in rainy weather: a Sword he had by his side with more Rings about it then a Curtain rod; he was no sooner got up, but down he sat. I must needs confess, dear godfather, said he to my Uncle, that you have served your Penitents to day like good children indeed: With that the souls-beggar took up the discourse; they were poor sneaking Rascals, that had not where withal to buy a kindness: I gave four Ducats to Fletchill, grand Beadle of Ocaigne, to befriend me as he did, when I was forced to dance a Coranto there: For my part, said t'other, I did not grudge my money I gave Lobrene, when he served me with the same sauce at Mourcia, and yet the old Thief made me sensible that some one of more credit than myself had recommended me to him. Those Officers, said my Uncle, interposing in their discourse, are not men of honour, as I am; for when I treat with any one, I know how to acquit myself as becomes my quality. I listened to these discourses with abundance of regret, which that great Ragamuffin perceiving; Is that the good man that passed through your hands last, said he? No, no, said my Uncle, it is a Nephew of mine, who is Master of Arts in Alcala, and a very ingenuous young man: He begged my pardon, and proffered me his service; for which I thanked him very kindly, he being my Uncle's assistant, who helped him at a pinch. In the mean time, I was almost mad to get my money out of my Uncle's hands, that I might hie me from him. To be short, the Cloth was laid, and a Cord which to my thinking was twenty yards long let down at the Window, with an old Hat at the end of it, such as the Prisoners use in Newgate, in which they drew up four or five earthen and wooden dishes, half broken; in which were several sorts of meats, Tripes, Sheeps-heads, powdered beef, and brains: I thought this Cord would have reached down to the Antipodes; but I perceived that they came no further than a Tavern in a Cellar under my Uncle's House: That done, they cast out their line once more, and fished up half a dozen Bottles of about a Pottle a piece: Ha! said I to myself, that is a good draught indeed.  
They sat themselves down, and at the upper end the blessed Beggar; To be short, they fell to drinking, and swallowed more Raisins than ever came out of their mouths: they never spoke so much as once of the deluge, for they had quite forgot water. In a word, they stuffed their bellies so full, that what with the meat, and what with the wine, the vapours crept up into their Pericraniums, and mazed them: they began to see double, and some of them to see such things as were not near them; for the Beggar took a Plate of fried Tripes which swum in black sauce, and thinking it to be pottage, clapped it to his mouth to sup it up, saying, 'tis good to have something of one's own, and thinking to put it into his mouth, spilt one half on his bosom, the tother on his clothes; perceiving himself in that pickle he risen from the Table to clean himself; but his head was too heavy for his body, so that at the first step his nose kissed the ground: with that he took hold on the Tables foot, and endeavouring to rise, overthrew it upon the t'other two: My Uncle tried to get up, but being as far gone as the tother, fell upon his Colleague, who finding himself down before he expected it, asked my Uncle why he pushed him, and whether he used to entertain his guests so; and with that he took a bone, which by chance was in his hand intending to slay my Uncle who lay at full length dead drunk; but gettng upon his knees, with his arm lift up, as good luck would have it, instead of striking him, he spewed up all his Tripes upon his face.  
For my part I did not sit down with them, but contented myself with a piece of bread and a glass of wine; for I did so nauseate the nastiness of their meat, that I could not for my heart eat of it; so that I was in a condition to help my Uncle, which I did, though with much ado: At last I got him up and laid him on his bed, after he had bid a jugg good night, which he mistook for one of his guests. In the mean time the other two were a sleep on the floor: When I saw them all fast, I got out of the Chamber to take the air, and to deliver myself from their infections: I entertained my self with walking up and down the City all that evening. I passed by Ragots' House, where I heard the news of his death, I must needs confess I was not much troubled 〈◊〉 it, nor did I inquire of what he died; for I supposed famine had at last got the upper hand of him: After four hours march I returned to our Lodging, where I found one of the company crawling upon all four, groping for the door, and crying, somebody had run away with the Chamber: I helped him up and let t'other alone, who waked not till about eleven the clock: One of them being come to himself asked what a clock ' 'twas? my Uncle yet old-drunk answered him, 'twas about noon, and that he had best repose himself till the heat of the day were passed. The Beggar took his Gown and got to the window, thinking he had been at the door, and so was marching off, but looking up, he saw the Stars, come hither, come hither, said he to the others, the Sky is full of stars at midday; sure there has been some very geeat Eclipse: my Uncle and his companions blessed themselves with the sign of the Cross, and kissing the ground, prayed that they might be delivered from all perils and dangers. I did what I could to contain myself till morning, which at last to my great joy came; and then away went our guests.  
Finding myself alone with my Uncle, who had a little recovered himself; I began to discourse to him of my inheritance, but he being a man who understood little of good behaviour, put me to a great deal of trouble before I could bring him to my own bow; but at length he yielded, though with some reluctancy, for I could only make him bleed three of the four hundred Ducats, my Father left me, which he had gotten by his handi-craft, and entrusted with a person of Honour, who was the Depository of all the thefts committed within ten Leagues of Segovia: To her we went who received us with many welcomes, wishing that I might prove as honest and as able a man as my deceased Father. The Ducats were told out in good money my Uncle seeing me taking possession of my inheritance; my dear Nephew, said he, you will do very ill, should you squander away this money; did I not know you to be a person of understanding, and withal mindful of the family from whence we are descended, I should be more wary of delivering it into your hands; but there it is, God give you grace to make good use of it, and then perchance you may enjoy some part of my labours: I returned him many thanks for his kind offers; and having paid my shot, my Uncle and I rerurned to our damned Lodging, where we no sooner were, but up came his Colleague, unto whom my Uncle gave an account of what we had done: I saw myself obliged to bestow some wine upon them; I perceived by the countenance and discourse of that Pot companion, that he had some design upon my Purse: but by good fortune, after I had plied them with store of wine, they fell asleep, which I no sooner saw, but without more ado, away I got me, full of respect, for I made not the least noise to wake them: I locked the door after me, and threw the key in at a little hole. I went and got me a lodging a good way off from that place, designing to go to Court: but to observe a Decorum a word which I have heard in the Latin Country, and amongst the Pedantic Rabble: I resolved to send a Letter to my Uncle, and to give him an account of my sudden departure, which I did, and returning to his Lodging, found them as I left them: I threw in my Letter under the door, which was to this effect.  
Buscon to his Uncle Grimpant.  
Dear Uncle,  
It having pleased God to take my Father out of this world by an honourable death, and to reduce my Mother to such a condition as she can expect nothing but the like end; there resteth no more than to see you exercise your Trade upon another. I have very seriously considered it, and thereupon have firmly resolved to be one of my family (for two I cannot be) who shall endeavour to secure myself not only from your hands, but your eyes: I beseech you therefore be no more solicitous of me than I am of you, nor ever hope to see me more, unless my misfortunes should force me into your clutches.   

Buscon returns to Madrid, and in the way falls into the company of one Piedescaux, who said he was a Knight of the Order of Industrie.  
ALL things fell out according to my hearts desire; for when I came back to my Lodging, I found a Waggoner going for Madrid: he had an Ass, which I hired of him; I risen betimes in the morning, and went out of the City before him: I had not gone far before he overtook me, and so I began my journey, cursing my kindred, and thinking with myself what choler, rage, and execrations my Uncle and his Colleague did vomit out against me, at the receipt of my Letter.  
In the mean time I was accoutred much like Sancho Panza, Don Quixot's Squire: I wished very hearty that I might not meet any one in the way, lest I would lose myself, when as I perceived not far from me a certain young man, who seemed to be a Tassel of the Nobility; he was booted and spurred, had a great laced Collar, his Cloak upon one shoulder, his Sword dangling in his Belt, with a stick in his hand, as if he had been walking in expectation of some company. I presently concluded it was some Knight that had left his train behind him: I accosted him with a salute, he beheld me, saying, Peradventure Sir, you are going to Court: I am Sir, replied I; you seem by your countenance, said he, upon that beast, to be less weary than I am with all my Equipage: I thought he had spoken of some Coach which followed him: for my part, said I, I find more ease in travelling upon this beast, then in a Coach, nor indeed would I willingly change with you, for the tossing and tumbling makes my head ache: what do you abuse me, said he? do you know whom you speak to? and at that word he came back to me in some anger; but being tied about with one only point and that old too, his Breeches fell about his heels and discovered all his poor Arse to the open air, for his shirt was so short that it would not cover the bottom of his belly: He could not so quickly truss them up again, but I had seen all his secrecies, which forced me to turn about, and stop my mouth with my Handkerchief, to stifle a fit of laughter which was ready to surprise me; and he who knew not what to do, entreated me to lend him a point, Sir, said I, unless you expect your people, you may stay long enough in the condition you are in, for I cannot help you, having but one single Point myself; if you intent to jeer me, replied he, you had best keep on your way, for I understand not what you mean by Coach and Attendants: To be short, in half a Leagues travelling together he discovered himself to me in such effectual terms, that he gave me to understand, that unless I would do him the favour to let him get up behind me, he could not possibly get to the Court, so weary he was with going on foot with his Breeches in his hands: I was good natured, so I alighted, and helped him up which without assistance he could never have done, for he had but one hand at liberty, his t'other being on his point; but I was much astonished whilst I was doing him that good office, for his Breeches were so pitifully torn, that I had his bare arse in my hand. He perceiving the discovery I had made, told me, discreet man as he was, Sir, all is not gold that glisters, when you first saw me with this great laced collar, you thought me to be some Earl of Gascoign at least, but I beseech you know, there are many honest men in the world as naked as myself. I did what I could to persuade him I knew not what he meant. How, said he, have you seen nothing? that cannot be, for one might easily have seen all that I had: You beheld a Gentleman whom if the Nobility did maintain as I maintain it, I should not want any thing; but Sir, we live in an age where without meat and drink, Nobility can neither be sustained nor maintained; nor indeed should one in my condition call himself Gentleman, for there is no Gentility in misery: I regard not those Patents of Nobility, since upon a certain day I found myself fasting very late, and one refused to trust me with a loaf and half a pint of wine upon it. I have sold what ever I could make in the world to supply my wants: The Goods of my Father which was called Torrinio Rodrigues, Ballaio, Gomez, D' Ampovero, were seized upon for another man's debt; I have only the Don left to sell; but such is my misfortune, that I can meet with no body that will lay out money upon it, for they who are not of quality to put it before, have got a trick to put it after their names; as Coridon, Bourdon, Grillardon, Randon, Gueridon, Brandon, and such like. I protest to you, that though, me thought the calamities of that poor Gentleman were ridiculous, yet I found good diversion in his company. I asked him his name, whither he went, and what his affairs were? He named all his Father's Titles, and added those of Cardan and Lourdain: When I heard him at this pass, I thought verily I had heard the noise of bells, sounding Din Dan Don: He told me, he was going to Court; for said he, it ill beseems a man in my condition to live in the Country; and to tell you the truth, I seldom trouble myself to inquire the prizes of Oil & Butter, having not wherewithal to buy any; for this reason I betake me to that place as a common receptacle of all Bravoes, where open house is kept all they year long, with several Tables for all comers and goers, such whose bellies cry cupboard before eleven of the Clock; there is my abode, and I am seldom without an hundred Royals in my Pocket, or a good Lodging, and so I spend my time merrily: In a word, I am beholding to the Italian Proverb.  
Con il Arte e co'gl'inyanno  
Se vive mezzo l'anno  
Coyl'Inyanno e co'l'arte  
Se vive l'altra parte.  
Thus Englished, 
A Man by Art and by Deceit  
Half a year may live complete.  
By the same Deceit and Art  
He may live the other part.   
To be short, Industry at Court is the true Philosopher's stone, which converts all it touches into Gold.  
I was almost ravished at his discourse, and to pass away the time, I desired him to tell me what Arts they who had nothing but their Swords and Cloaks like himself, did use to subsist at Court, seeing most Courtiers have hardly enough of their own to live upon, but are many times glad to take a bit at another man's Trencher: Some such there are said he, and other some well enough to pass; but to tell you the truth, flattery is the chief Key and Passport which introduceth us into the affections of those people; and to the end that I may the better acquaint you with my manner of living, I shall make you a short recital of my life.   

The Knight of the Industry relateth the History of his life to Buscon, and possesseth him with a great desire to be one of his Order.  
IN the first place, you must understand the Court is like Noah's Ark, there are all sorts of creatures in't, good and bad, wise and foolish; those who are good, are very rare, and those who are bad, difficult to be known, for they counterfeit themselves to an hair. Amongst the rest, there is one sort of people, of which Order I myself am, who have neither Goods nor Chattels, movable or , in possession or reversion; We are generally called Knights of the Industry. Now because there are several ranks, we have particular names by which they are distinguished. Some are called Cloak-twitchers, others Pickpockets, others Setters, others Snaps, others Trappaners,, others Hector's, others Lions, Freebooters, and the like; by which their professions are differenced: We have assumed the Title of Industry, because she is our guide and Protectress. Our most usual food is, that of the Cameleons, for our stomach's are seldom filled with aught but air, it being a work of great labour when we drain our nourishment from another man's Kitchen: We are the destruction of Banquets, the Sponges of Taverns, and the Guests of the forced Put; however we live to our content: we are a people that feed upon an Onion, and yet with a toothpick in our mouths, pretend to have eaten a Capon. If any one makes us a visit, he is sure to find our chambers strowed over with bones of mutton or fowl, with parings of fruit, a feather-tub, or Rabbets-feets; all which we had picked up in the Streets in the night to credit us: presently we would cry out, I see it is impossible for me to prevail with my servants to make clean the room any sooner. I beg your pardon Sir, for I have had some friends with me, and these wicked Rascals— They who knew us not would believe us. But what shall I tell you of our Freebooters? If at any time we speak but half a word with any man, we presently force an acquaintance upon him, we inquire out his lodging, and just at dinnertime we go to wait upon him, and tell him the inclination we had to honour and serve him, obliged us to that visit: that we are charmed with his ingenuity and incomparable parts. If he ask us whether we have dined, and we find the cloth going to be laid, we answer not yet; and if we find the cloth taken away, we tell him yes. If he once speak to us to stay, we never expect a second invitation, for we have often found ourselves deceived of our dinners by such straining of compliments. When we are set at Table, though the Master of the house know never so well how to carve, yet we tell him (the better to lick our fingers) If you please Sir, give it me, I shall help you. I remember Don such an one, God bless his Soul, (and then we name some deceased Duke or Marquis) would take greater delight to see me cut up a Partridge or Pheasant, than to eat of it, and then we take the fork and the knife, and cut it up. Oh how finely it smells, then say we, indeed you would wrong your Cook not to taste of it: What an excellent fellow ' 'tis! and thus we stuff our guts.  
If perchance those Opportunities fail us, than we have recourse to the Pottadge-pot of some Convert, and we tell him that gives the Dole, we came more out of devotion than necessity. It is worth a man's sight to behold one of us at an Ordinary where play is, we are the most serviceable people in the world, we snuff the Candles, bring the chamberpots, and rejoice at the winners good luck, and all this for six pence, which the winner bestows upon us. For our clothes we know where the Frippery is, and because there is a set hour in divers places for Prayers, we have also set times for mending our clothes.  
To see the diversity of things that we do, is an incomparable pastime: we look upon the Sun as our mortal enemy, because he discovers our patches and tatters. In the morning we lay ourselves a sunning, and leaning down our heads, we behold upon the ground the shadow of the threads and jaggs which hang about us, then with a pair of Cissers we trim our apparel; and because most commonly we first wear out our clothes between our legs, we draw out some pieces off the Rear to reinforce the Van; so that we are very careful ever after how we lay off our cloaks, as also how we mount any ladder or tree, unless by compulsion. We practise our postures in the Sunshine; at day time we walk close-legged, and make our salutations without parting our knees, lest if we should do otherwise, the embroideries of our py-bald breeches should be discovered. To be short, there is not any thing we wear that had not sometimes another property, and of which one might derive another pedigree. Observe, I pray, this cloak which I wear, it is descended in a direct line from a horse-cloth, which was the daughter of a quondam coverlet. My Breeches proceeded from three chairs covered with green cloth, whose Grandfather was a boat-tilt: my Doublet was the Son of a screen, begotten of the furniture of a Billiard-table, and in short time will be converted into socks.  
We are very careful of coming near candles, if at night-times we are in any company; for fear of discovering the baldness and thread bareness of our cloaks, from which a man might shave as much as from a stone. It hath pleased heaven to bestow on us a beard, which it hath denied our garments. We are also very solicitous how we frequent such houses as are customed by any of our companions, lest they should interfare with one another, and upon that account our bellies are sometimes jealous. We are tied by our orders to ride once a month, either on an horse, or a cowl-staff, it matters not which, and once a year in a Coach, at which times we endeavour to get into the boot, that all our acquaintance may take notice of us: to which end we carry our bodies as far out of the Coach as we can, that we may not lose any opportunity of being seen. If perchance we feel any thing biting us, or the regiment of louse too importunate with us, we want not inventions to remove them before any company without the least discovery: as for example, we talk of some battle, and tell that a certain Soldier of our acquaintance had a slash from such a place to such a place in his body, and with that we scratch where it itches, and thus we comply with our necessity. If we should be thus surprised at Church, and they should by't upon our breasts, we fall to the Sanctus, though it be not yet the Introibo. If it take us behind, we get us to some Pillar, and seeming to look up at something, we heave up ourselves, and so rub ourselves at our pleasures: for matter of lying, you must know the word Truth never comes into our mouths. We always bring in head and shoulders some Duke or Earl into our discourse, some as our Kindred, others as our friends, but with this caution, that they be either deceased or far enough from us; and that which is very remarkable amongst us, is, we are never in love, unless with the pane lucrando, for our Order doth expressly enjoin us to avoid the acquaintance of any Ladies, especially such who are more apt to receive than give, be they never so honourable or handsome; so that we are forced to make addresses to the Cooks for our meals, to the Hostesses for our Lodgings, and so to all others of whom we may make any advantage. To proceed, do you see these boots here? You would think now that I have Stockings under them, but you are deceived, for I am both poor and bare, and whoever should see my collar, would hardly imagine I should want a shirt: but what need I tell you, you know already how the case stands with me; however a Knight may deny himself those other things, but his collar he may not, because it serves for an ornament to his person. To conclude Sir, a Knight who would be of our Order in perfection, aught to want as many necessaries as a Cockney setting out a journey: sometimes perhaps he may have a little money in his pocket, at other times be in an Hospital eating of parched Pease, and thus we live in the Court, where who so knows how to advance his Industry, passes his time like a disguised Prince.  
Never was man so astonished as myself at the recital of this Order of Knight hood, which so pleased me, that we got to Rozas before night, or our expectation. I' me sure he made a Cully of me for the honour of his order, for he rid my mule, and made me beat it upon the hoof, and not only so but I was forced to pay his reckoning, he having neither face nor cross about him. His discourses made a deep impression in my memory, and I resolved to make use of them as occasion should serve, for that I found my inclinations tending toward that Fraternity.  
Before I went to sleep, I made him my privy Councillor, by acquainting him with my intentions, which so ravished him, that he hugged me over and over again, and told me he could not but believe the recital he had made me, was persuasive enough to work upon a man of my ingenuity. He offered me his assistance in order to my introduction into the Fraternity of the Industry, and not only so but into their College too. I took him at his word, and gave him many thanks, but did not discover what moneys I had, only an hundred Royals, which were enough to gain me his affection. The next morning I bought him three codpiss-points, and set out early towards Madrid.   

Buscon goeth to Lodge with the Knights of the Industry: The Oeconomy there observed, and a brangle between two Knights of the Order.  
THe Sun was not above two hours high when we went to Madrid: We went directly to the Lodgings of Don Torivio's Comrades: He knocked at the gate, and a ragged old woman came and opened the door. Torivio asked where the Gentlemen were, he told him they were gone to seek their fortunes; In we entered, and there continued till noon, and our Knight that he might lose no time, began to preach to me for my better nodification: About an hour after noon, in comes a bodily Ghost with a black Cassock which reached down to his feet, after the fashion of mourners in Spain; My Guide had some discourse with him in a kind of Gibberish, which ended, he addressed himself to me with many proffers of his service: I returned him compliments of the like nature; That done, he drew out a Glove, and shaked it over the Table, out of which dropped a dozen or fifteen Royals, and a Letter, by virtue of which he told us had got them; it was a Licence he had obtained, to beg for a poor Gentlewoman: Having emptied that Glove, he drew out another, and clapped them up together like a Spanish Doctor. I asked him why he did not put them on, because they belong both to one hand, said he; and it is a part of Industry to have Gloves that cost them nothing. I observed that he always kept his Cloak very close over his breast, and being a Novice, I had the curiosity to inquire the reason of it; my friend and brother, said he, it is because my Doublet is all greasy, and my shoulders worn out: it was not long though, ere he quitted his Cloak to louse himself: With that I began to perceive that instead of Breeches, he had two wisps of straw, which reached from his middle to his knees, for he had neither shirt, nor shirt like; Me thought he was so naked, that he seemed to be an Adamite, so that a Louse had no shelter with him: Every one there did freely discover his necessities; whereupon my Tutor told him, I came out of the Country with a great Rent-charge in my Breeches, which had need of a recruit; and turning towards the old woman, asked her if she had any rags, of green cloth, in her Wardrobe; for as she walked the City, she ever used to have the Tailor's shreds into her Inquisition, a la mode de, Ragg-man; I have neither green nor grey, said she; and for that very reason Don Granger hath kept his bed this fortnight, his  being so weak that they fall to pieces like Tinder for want of patches to strengthen them.  
Thereupon in comes an Industrious, I mean a Knight of the Order, his Boots on, in grey, with an Hat pined up on both sides; he soon spied me, and seeing a strange face, asked who I was; being informed, he gave me the welcome; with that he dismantled himself, and I perceived the forepart of his Doublet was indeed of cloth, but it was not so with the hinder part, which was Canvas. I could hardly forbear laughing when I saw it, which he observing; In good time, said he, you and I shall be better acquainted; I'll lay a wager with you, you do not know why I wear my Hat pined up on both sides. It is, said I, for gallantry, and your better prospect: No, no, said he, quite contrary, it is to prevent prospect, for it hath two great spots of grease on it, which by this means are kept in the dark: With that he drew out twenty Letters, and about as many Royals: My Tutor informed me that the industry of that Knight was to go in this Equipage, and to carry papers folded up like Letters directed to persons of Quality, and being very cautious that such people were not at home, he would deliver the Letters, for which he received six pence per Letter, and how he used this Trade as often as he could, but with care to make his addresses to new faces. Next came in two together, disputing as they knocked at the Gate; one had an Handkerchief about his neck, instead of a Collar, with a couple of holsters at his girdle, and a Rest in his hand for his Plymouth-Cloak; a Crutch under his Arm, and one of his legs tied up with old Rags and Coney-skins, for he had but one Stocking and one Shoe: He passed for a Soldier, and a man who had been in the low Countries and seen hot service; for my part, I had no more wit then to believe it; he reckoned up the many services he had done his Majesty, and under the notion of a Soldier, had free access every where: The tother had a maimed Doublet on, to hid which, he wore his Cloak like a Scarf, wrapped about his left arm, which without that had been stark naked: He cried out aloud, half of it is mine, or at least a good part; and unless you deliver it me, I swear— Do not swear, said the Cripple, let us get in first, and I shall let you feel that I have hands and feet too, enough to break my Crutch about thy ears. Thou liest, and thou too: With that▪ to't they went, and in a trice the place was strewed over with Shoulders, Sleeves, Skirts; and in a word, with more of their clothes then were left upon their backs: In good earnest, I took him for a piece of the Resurrection: We ran in to part them; but we knew not where to lay hold to lose them; how, quoth the counterfeit Soldier, art thou so impudent as to pretend to a share in my booties? and with that informed us with the ground of their quarrel: You must know Gentlemen, said he, that as I was even now at St. Saviour's, a little Boy came to yond Rascal and asked him if I were not Captain John Laurence? he told him I was, and because he saw the boy brought me something, he came along with him, saying, Captain, there's a Boy desires to speak with you: The Boy delivered me a dozen of Handkerchiefs which his Mother had sent me, and presently this Rascallion would have half of them; but I'll first give him half a hundred good bangs: I'll have them all for my own use, or make them useless: The controversy was decided by a Decree of the Officers of the Order, viz. That they should be delivered into the hands of the old woman for the common stock, to serve for false shirts, as occasion should require. Night drew on, and we went to sleep, but we all lay close to one another as our skins to our backs; As for Supper we had none, for fear of surfeiting, and some of us too were not much troubled with putting off our clothes.   

Buscon being to practice in this Order, snapped a Cully, and cheated a whore.  
AFter some time it pleased God day appeared, and we betook ourselves to our tackling. I was already as intimately acquainted with them, as if I had been their brother all days of my life, for in evil things there is always an appearrance of something of pleasure, which drills on them it enticeth. It was pretty to see a Shirt put on of a twelvemonths wearing; to hear another ask for a Quartermaster to take up a lodging for him in his own Doublet, which he could hardly do in a days time; Another sewed his Comrades Doublet under the armpit, who in the mean while standing upright, and stretching out one arm, looked just like the Letter L with the heels upward: another mending his breeches between his knees, and sitting crosslegged, looked like an Indian Tortoise. To be short, Boscan never invented half so many postures in all his pictures, as were here presented to the life. This ended, they went the visitation, to see if all were right amongst them. Then every man's quarter was allotted him; for my own part I had a great mind to show myself liberal at my admission. I told them I would deliver my clothes into the common Treasury, and that I would make another with my hundred Royals. No, no said they, we shall find out by some Industry to  you without laying out your money: We have stuff enough left to furnish you, and your hundred Royals shall be put into the common stock.  
I liked their contrivance very well, and willingly delivered them my money. Presently they fell upon me, and cutting off my Cassock about four fingers below my waste, they made a jacket of it, they likewise circumcised some half yard off my cloak, which however was of an indifferent length: all these parings were trucked off for an old double died hat; they gave me a pair of Spanish leather boots, which reached but to the calves of my legs. I was furnished with a collar, which to say the truth, was pretty well to pass before, but behind in a pitiful taking, when they put it about my neck; You must be very Industrious said they, to satisfy the vanity of the world. This collar savours of corruption, therefore remember that when any one eyes you, you still face him, like the Marigold that turns to the Sun. If there be two of them, march up, take off your Hat towards your Pole, that so you may cover the nakedness of your collar. If any one ask you why you use that posture, tell him 'tis not good manners to show the Posteriors. After these instructions, they gave me a small tinderbox with its appurtenances, as also a little box of black and white thread a pair of dice, a couple of needles, and divers shreds of linen and woollen, together with a rusty indented pair of Cissers. Now said they, accoutred as you are, you may travel all the world over without being beholden to father or friend. As for my quarter, they assigned me that of St. Lewis, where I might go freebooting as others did: The truth is, in regard I was a Novice, they committed me to the tuition of that same person which had first introduced me to this honourable Fraternity. Well, out we went very soberly with our beads in our hands, and took our walk towards our Quarter, we saluted very affectionately such as we met withal, we pulled off our hats to every one, wishing at the same instant we could do as much to their cloaks: we complemented the women, a thing they delight in, as also their Father-hood's. My prudent Governor would be always saying something to most of those he met; to one, to morrow I shall receive money; to another, pray excuse me one day longer, for I have to do with a Merchant that puts me off from time to time. One would ask him for the cloak he had lent him, another for his hat, and a third for his belt. By this I perceived my Governor was so great a lover of his friends, that he wore not any thing that did not belong to some of them.  
We went skulking through the streets sometimes on one side, and sometimes on another, the better to avoid certain shops, in whose books my Governor's name was written in a large Character. On a sudden there met him a man, who demanded some house-rent of him, who was no sooner gone with a flea in his ear, but not a farthing in his pocket, when another puts him in mind of paying him for his sword, a third for his shirt; whereupon I perceived there were as well Hackney-knights as Hackney-horses, and that my worshipful Governor was one of them, As we were thus coasting up and down, he discovered a certain Dun, a good way off him, who had often haunted him for some small trifling debt, now that he might not be known, he draws out his hair, which at that time was clapped behind his ears, (as the Spanish mode is) and pulled a Plaster of black Taffeta out of his Pocket, which he lays just upon one of his eyes, and therewithal began to speak Italian to me, In the mean time up came our Persecutor, and having eyed my Tutor, began to recollect into his memory, that he had somewhere seen him, of which to be certain, he made three or four turns about us, at last he crossed himself, Jesus said he, I took him for such a one, and wanted but little of running myself into a Praemunire. I thought I should have died with laughing, what at the strange disguise of the Debtor and what at the great astonishment of the Creditor, who was no sooner gone from us, but we got us into a porch, where my Conductor reassumed his former countenance, and said unto me, thus you see dear Brother, that we are forced to our Industry, for these and the like devices, to conceal ourselves from those unto whom we stand indebted, else we might go whistle in a Cage, oftener than we would. On we marched, and at the corner of a street, we took each of us, about half a glass of strong-water, which a good woman bestowed upon us, I can assure you said she, it is a most excellent Cordial to a fasting stomach, and in the strength of it, a man may well forbear meat for some hours; at least a little of this in the morning is better than nothing all the day after. My stomach will never believe the former proposal said I, which I think to be a Paradox, whereupon my Guide replied, you are a man of weak faith, both as to the Tenets of Religion, or our Order. The Lord is not wanting to the Crows and Ravens, will he, think you, forsake the poor Knights of the Industry?  
In the midst of our discourse, we heard a clock strike twelve, now I being but a novice in this manner of life, my belly would not be so easily put off with that small draught of Aquavitae which I had drank, but began to call upon me, as if I had not drank a drop; with that, I turned me to my Companion, saying, methinks I find it somewhat a strict discipline, at my first coming, to be kept thus long fasting, especially seeing I use to have a stomach like an horse, and to feed like a Farmer, and now on a sudden, you make me observe Vigils, which are not marked in the Calendar. For your part, it's no great wonder, if your appetite be not so early up as mine, for you being born and bred up in the regions of hunger, may by this have brought yourself to such a pass, that you may almost live by the Pestle of a Lark, or dine with Duke Humphrey a week together, but otherwise it is with me, who never used to read such fasting Lectures to my Guts: And seeing you take no greater care to kill that which will kill me; I pray excuse me if I leave you to go make some provisions wherewith to allay those storms and thunders which I perceive are engendering in my Bowels. You are a great Greedigut, replied he, it hath hardly made an end of striking twelve, and you presently cry out you are a hungry, as if you had not eaten a morsel of bread these three days; but I see you are very devout in observing your guts; a beast would do as much, but you must learn a new Lesson, and know that sobriety is that which keeps us in health and vigour: To be short, you shall not any where find it recorded; that any one of the Industrious Knights did ever ease his stomach, high or low, one way or tother, upwards, or downwards. have I not already told you that God is all-sufficient, and never wanting unto any one; but seeing you are in such haste to be exercising your Teeth, fareyouwell, for my part I'm going to the Pottage Pot of the Fathers of the Oratory; if you have a mind to go with me so, if not so, every one for himself: Adieu then said I, for my stomach is so torn, that it will not be mended by others scraps and leave: He took one way I another, but I had not gone many paces before I stopped at a corner house, that I might see how my companion would dispose of himself; when as I perceived he drew a little Box out of his Pocket, full of small crumbs, which he carried about him for that use, some he took out, and strewed upon his Doublet and Beard, that People might think he had been at Dinner. For my own particular, I trusted to my money, yet not without some reluctancy as to my own conscience; seeing the Statutes of our Order of Industry did expressly inhibit any one from eating at his own cost and charge, but I found myself so hard pressed by hunger, that I was forced to have recourse to the Proverb, which saith, Necessity hath no Law, and thereupon I resolved to do as I might.  
Whilst I was thus devising with myself I found I was just at the corner of St. Lewis street, where there dwelled a Cook; on a sudden the smell of a sixpenny Pie newly drawn out of the Oven, took me in the nose, and forced me to make a full stand, just like a setting-dog, when he wound a Covey of Partridges: I cast my eyes upon it, and withal my mouth began to water; me thoughts the Pie did ever and anon waste itself by my looking on it; sometimes I was contriving how I might steal it, and anon I resolved to buy it, and so to eat it; but as good luck would have it, in the midst of my contemplations, I perceived a certain Master of Arts of my acquaintance, called Baldinus, who had a most rich face of his own, for his nose was very costly, beset with Rubies, some as big as the top of ones little finger, with a belly like an Abbot: He had no sooner spied me, but he cast himself about me, with no little admiration to see me; for in the habit I then was, it was hard for any one to know me: Behold us then putting off Hats, and making of legs; he asked me how I did? I have something to tell you Sir, said I, but such is my condition, that I must needs go out of Town this afternoon: I am very sorry for that, replied he, and were it not so late, for I think it be near one, I should gladly leave my dinner a while, that we might walk a turn or two together; but the truth is, I fear my Sister and her Husband are in expectation of me. How said I, is your Sister in Town? nay then, though I stay in Town all night, or come what will, I must kiss her hands: Now you must know I had a greater mind to pass a compliment upon my Belly then his Sister, for when I heard him talk of their staying for him at Dinner, I began to open my ears, and take opportunity by the forelock. Away I went with him, any by the way I put him in mind of a Mistress of his, one he had very much loved, and told him I knew where she was, and how to introduce him into the house where she lived; that is, in plain English, I would pimp for him; at that he was more pleased, than I with the conceit of dining with him, so well I knew where to tickle him, that I made him smile upon me.  
During our discourse, we came to his Sister's lodging, whom I saluted, and presented my service unto her Husband; they seeing me, and at such an hour, concluded I intended to dine with them, as indeed I did; whereupon they began to make excuses, and Apoligies; I replied, I was one of the house, their ancient acquaintance, and beseeched them not to treat me with Ceremony.  
Master Baldinus seeing me of a sudden so intimately acquainted, began to be a mazed, for he had not so much as spoken to me to stay Dinner; I perceived it, and began to reassume my former discourse, which I knew would lenify him afresh: I told him how the Gentlewoman could never forget him, that she had often enquired of me how he did? and where he was with many other the like inventions: We had not stayed long before Dinner came up, and every one sat him down: I presently fell to it, with both hands, and all my teeth: They had set me a dish of Broth by myself, which vanished at two sups; then I assaulted the other dishes with such haste, that our Ordinary was sooner dispatched, than an Extraordinary Post would have been riding half a Mile. The Cloth was taken away, but not one bit of meat with it: Master Baldinus and myself, withdrew apart, that we might end our discourse concerning the Nymph I had told him of, and that I might acquaint him with the means to get to her, which I assured him might be effected with ease and safety. As we were thus talking together, leaning at a Window, I made as if somebody in the street had called me; Sir, said I aloud, that every one might hear me, I'll wait on you immediately, and therewithal took leave of the company, promising them to return in half an hour at farthest, though I never intended it, for from that day to this I never went near them.  
After I got into the street, I walked up and down towards the Gate of Guadalajara, and sat me down upon a Bench just before a Silkman's Shop: I had not been long there, before two women, such as use to borrow not upon their Goods, but their Persons, came towards the same Shop; they let me see half of their faces, the tother being covered with a thin Hood; they were attended by their old women, and their little Pages, (those go-betweens) they asked if there were any new fashioned stuffs: upon this I began to speak to one of them, and found how they hoped my being there would help them to some credit in the Shop before which I sat; now as he who hath nothing to lose runs no venture, I proffered them all the assistances I could to serve them: They returned me thanks, but in such a way as Doctors and lawyers use, who refuse the money they intent to take, for they replied, they were not such women as used to receive from those whom they knew not: At this reply I began to make my excuses unto them; for that I had not proffered to present them any thing, but did now beseech them to accept of a piece of stuff newly brought me from Milan, which if they pleased so far to honour me, I would send them that night by a Page, who stood bare headed some six paces of waiting for his Master, who was prising of some Stuffs in the Shop; him I pretended to belong unto me; and to make them conceive the better opinion of me, and that I was a Person of Quality, I saluted the Magistrates and Gentlemen that passed by in their Coaches, with so familiar a Garb, as if I had been intimately acquainted with them. What by this, and what by letting them see my money which I did, as if by accident, as I was giving a small piece to a poor beggar, I had absolutely possessed them with an opinion that I was a man of Quality; whereupon they took their leaves very civility of me, having first acquainted me where they dwelled, and how I might best send my Page unto them. I begged of them by way of favour and gallantry, a certain string of Gold Beads, which the handsomest of the two did wear, at first she made some excuses, saying it was of too small worth for me to own, but I replied I had a very great fancy and esteem for it, since she had worn it; and therewithal offered them my hundred Crowns of Gold in pawn for it: At last they thought themselves sure of me, and concluded they had caught a Cully; whereupon they gave me the Beads, which I kissed a thousand times over, not so much for devotion, as the worth of them, which I suppose was about four or five Pistols.  
I went from that place, as if I waited on them, but I had not gone above six paces before I stopped and called the Page I spoke of, unto me, and pretending to the Ladies that I bid him stay there with the rest of my Attendants, I only asked him if he did not belong to such a Gentlemen, a Cousin of mine? he told me no: The good Ladies thanked me very kindly for the honour I did them, and thus we marched along the streets: Amongst other discourse, they asked me where I lay, and I the better to deceive them, told them at such a House, where there stood a Coach as good luck would have it; I also assured them, both the Master of the House, and Coach and all were at their command; that my name was Don Alvero de Cordove: There I left them, and went into the House, they still looking after me; I knew there was a back door belonging to the said House which was seldom locked, unto which I hied me, and so got off from my two Ladies, unto my own Quarters.  
By this it was nightish, and the Knights of the Industry began to retire themselves as I did. I was hardly gotten into the House, but in came the Soldier of the ragged Regiment, of whom I formerly acquainted you; in he came, I say, with a Torch in his hand, which had been given him to carry at a Funeral, but he had come off with it, and never went to the grave; he was called Magace, native of Olias, he vaunted himself a Captain, and the truth is, such he had been, as also that he had seen many hot day's service against the Moors, which could not be denied, for he had in Comedy acted a Captain's part in a stage-play. When he fell into a company who had been in Flanders, than he had been in China, if he met any who had been in China, than all his discourse was of Flanders. He would be always talking of duels, and unstripping his Doublet in the field, which he had often done, but it was for his more convenient killing his louse, the only foes he ever met. He would prate of the Turks, Galleys and Galligrosses, but it was only what he had read in Ballads, for he never had seen ship, the Sea, or any thing Sealike, unless a dish of Pottage with a few Pease in it, which he might fancy to be a Fleet in the main Ocean. Once I heard him, talking of the battle of Lepanto, and at last he said that Lepanto was a very stout and warlike Moor.  
The next that came in was my Governor, his nose wrapped up in his cloak, his eyes like poached Eggs; his head in his bosom, his Shoo-rubber all bloody, dropping grease and Pottage. We enquired where he had been, and whence he came in such disorder, he told us he had been at the Fathers of the Oratory, and had begged a double dole, pretending it to be for two poor Gentlemen, who were ashamed to make known their necessities, that he had obtained his desires, but that others there begging were disappointed and denied, in regard he had had so much for his share; whereupon that they all in a fury, had fallen upon him in a narrow lane, had robbed him of all his Pottage, excepting those few Remains about his clothes, head, and shoulders. He moreover added, how they fell upon him, ask him, if it were well done, to rob poor men for to satisfy his own greedy appetite, and how from words they came at last to blows and knocks, as also what a hail-storm of crutches and wooden arms fell upon him, he likewise recounted to us how the blow on his nose came by a great spoon, which mistook the way to his mouth; how that finding himself in so furious a counter scuffle, he had often cried out to them, that he would disgorge to them whatever he had eaten, provided they would forbear beating him, but that to his cost and smart he found them inexorable. And that which vexed him more than all the rest; was, how a ragged Tatterdemalion Scholar had, for his second-course served up a dish of Lice, which he threw upon him. Now do but consider I pray and reflect a little upon this Gut-monger, who is more writhled than a child's baby, looked just like a Ragamuffion, hath more holes in him then a Sieve, more spotted than a Magpie, and more speckled than a piece of Marble, yet forsooth, he must eat by himself, and could not vouchsafe to do as we did. For my own part I am a Master of Arts in Sigovenca, and yet I do not stand so much upon my punctilios as he doth. He likewise added, how an old rascal came into the fray, saying, knock down that Rascal, for I would have him know, though I come to the Pottage-Pot of those good Fathers, yet I am as well born as himself, and have as good friends as he for his life, nay, I am as good as he every day in the week. He also recounted us how the Dole giver seeing the storm began to renew, prevailed so far by his entreaties and persuasions, that in fine, they were content to be pacified, in regard he promised them to provide enough for them all against the next day.   

The Prosecution of the Tricks of the Knights of Industry: How they were all imprisoned, and Buscon clapped up with them.  
HE had hardly ended his relation of this notable Encounter, when behold in came one of our Fraternity, with a good Cloak on his back, which he had exchanged for his own, made in 88 at a Billiaad-Table, where he made as if he would play; but having the Industry not to make one, he got to the place where the Cloaks lay, and borrowed the best of them, leaving his own in the stead; and upon this account he always frequented bowling-Allies, and gaming-houses. This was nothing in comparison of the next that came in, attended by a number of children, all troubled with one disease or other, as some with the Kings-evil, some with Tetters, others with Cankers, dis-jointed members, hurts and the-like: That which drew such a rout after him, was his pretending to cure and charm all those sicknesses, either by saying certain words over them, or by giving them little scrowls of Paper to carry about them; by which means he picked up a pretty income: in case his Patient brought any thing under his Cloak, (as the Country man did the Roasting Pig to the Justice of peace) some good Capon in his basket, or chinked his money in his Pocket, than his disease was nothing, else incurable. He made any thing pass for current amongst them; for to say the truth, he was very industrious in lying, a thing so natural to him, that he could not speak truth, though it had been to save his life: He had a Passport would carry him into any place, viz. Deo Gratias, The Holy Ghost be with you; he had always with him the whole Ensigns of an Hypocrite; in his hands a great string of Beads, with a discipline under his Coat, which hanged down below his knees, as if by accident, though purposely by him intended; his Coatall bloodied, but with that of the Shambles, not of his own: He would feel the Pulse and pick the Pocket; hold with the Hare and hunt with the Hound; he would make you believe his great hunger was but the effects of his voluntary fastings, though indeed willingly he never went to bed supper-less, but when he had nothing to eat: He never named the Devil, but he always added, God bless us; when he entered the Church he kissed the ground he never cast his eyes on any woman, nor never cared for any of them, but how to take away their Petticoats; so artificially did he gull the people, that every one recommended himself to him in his Prayers, which signified as much as if he had recommended himself to the Devil.  
After him, in came another of the Fraternity, one Polanque, keeping a clutter for his Wallet, his great Cross, his Hermit's Beard, and his Bell: His trade was to go thus accoutred at night through the streets, crying, Amend your lives, think upon your latter ends, and do good unto faithful sinners; by this device he got store of money; if in his walk he chanced to find any door open, in he went with a great deal of confidence; if he found no one within, or that they were asleep, he went not out until he had lined himself with some good thing or other; in case he found any one, or that they chanced to wake; he told them how he came in finding the doors open, to advise them of it, and that they had need to be careful of nightwalkers; and always his Conclusion was with a Memento Mori.  
I passed one Month in observing the many ways of stealing, which were practised in our society, and at last, I related unto them the passage of my gold beads, of which I had gulled my two Ladies of pleasure; they highly extolled my Industry, and concluded the old woman should have them to be sold, and the money brought into the public Treasure. At any time when she had any such like things to sell; she used to go from house to house, saying she was a poor necessitous woman, forced to fell her goods, one thing after another, to buy her bread; when she had happened upon any compassionate people, as some such there are, she brought home her own toys as she said, and some of their Alms. She would weep at every word, and crossing her hands would sob and sigh like a child; she wore a frock of grey course freeze, which she had stolen from an Hermit, with which, and her other industries she used to cheat charitable people, and and sometimes to good purpose. This right venerable and no less Reverend old woman, was grand Protectress of our Order and chief Treasuress of our rags. But upon a certain day as the Devil (who is never idle in such things as concern his good subjects) would have it, our good woman going to sell an old Suit, and some other things, fell upon one who knew amongst the rest, somewhat which once belonged unto himself; Presently he got a Constable, and laid her up; she was no sooner in custody, but she confessed all, and impeached our whole Order; whereupon we were secured, and guarded to Prison, from which all our Industry could not redeem us.   

Buscon's Entertainment in Prison; The Crimes, Miseries, and malice of Prisoners, the Cruelty and griping Covetousness of Gaolers, and other Officers, and at last Buscons deliverance.  
WE were no sooner within, but we were presently under lock and key; for they laid us all in chains, clapped Bracelets upon our arms, and lodged us in the Dungeon. Presently I drew out a Crown, and showing it to the Gaoler, I told him, I desired to speak a word in private with him; he presently stooped at the Lure: I am, said I, a person who who knows what belongs to a kindness; one word is enough to the wise: He hath not been seen this many a day, said he, pretending as if I had enquired after some Prisoner; I smelled his meaning in a trice, for he presently got me out, but laid up my poor companions in those Mansions of darkness.  
I forbear to mention the hoot which were made at us as we passed through the streets; the truth is, no one that saw us could forbear laughing, for the Sergeants and Bailiffs pushed us along with such violence that they tore most of our clothes, which themselves were none of the strongest; insomuch that one might have tracked us by the skirts, Arms and rags which our clothes lost before we come to Limbo: Nay, although it was no great way from the place we were taken to Prison, yet some of us came thither so naked, that a Louse could hardly fasten any hold upon us without discovery.  
Night came, and I was lodged in a great Hall, vulgarly called the common Prison. I was somewhat surprised to see so many strange faces there, some lay in their fur'd Gowns, others sang, some played, and others walked up and down, until at last one came who put out the Candle and made fast the door upon us.  
For my part it was impossible for me to sleep amidst such a confused din, and that which vexed me worst of all, was, a close-stool which stood just at my bed's head, where every one came to make his offerings, and to deliver his Prisoner, which upon their escape made so hideous a noise, that at first I took it to have been some thunderclaps, until my nose had better informed me of the truth of the matter: I was vexed with the horrible stench of it, that unable longer to endure it, or keep my head within the bed I risen, took up the stool-pan and threw it with a pox into the midst of the Hall, that every one might have a little of it as well as myself: Some of the company, whose noses were daintier than the rest; got them up, and began to cry out that they were choked up with the stink, that he who had done this wicked prank deserved to be hanged: At this noise the head Goaler awaked, and mistrusting least some of his Prisoners had escaped, ran into the Hall with all his Attendants armed: He had us all into examination, I was chief, nor was I backward in excusing myself the best I could: To conclude, the good Gaoler thinking, belike, I would grease him in the fist with the other odd Crown, that I might be delivered from the Kennel of such Hounds, commanded me to rise and follow him, which I instantly did, but with a firm resolution not to part with one farthing more: Away I went with him, and was no sooner got out of the Hall, but that he began to threaten me with a Dungeon, full of Snails, Frogs and Toads; I must submit to it, said I, he seeing I spoke not in a golden phrase, locked me up in the same hole with the rest of my unfortunate, Industrious Brothers, there I passed the rest of the night, without knowing who my Chamber-fellows were.  
At last day appeared, we visited each other, renewed our acquaintance, and deplored our conditions; not long after came one to let us out, for that place was only our night Quarters; he demanded a clensing-fee, under penalty of Eel-skins: I could not imagine what he meant by that term of Art, but was afraid lest the Eels should devour us; but I was informed they were certain wasters, or great blows about the middle, which were applied with a reverse slash on such as were backward in opening their Purses: I must confess my own weakness, for to say the truth, I presently drew out six Royals and gave them to him, whereas my poor companions having no money, were forced back again.  
There was in the same Lodging with us a certain huge overgrown Lubber, with a Beard as big as a six penny bosom, and a pair of shoulders, which methoughts had lately been scarified by the Doctor's hands who useth to cure all diseases in public. Never did I in my life see such Bracelets, as he had on his legs and arms, either for length bigness or number. He was called the Giant, he told us, he was in for a trivial windy matter, which he valued not, I supposed then, that he was in for some bellows, Bagpipes, Footballs Fans, or the like; but when we asked him if it were for any thing of that nature, he told us, not, but for some post-dated sins. I thought then he had been a Long-lane Merchant, and had sold old for new clothes, but at length after much enquiry, I discovered he had been in love with the masculine Gender. He was a fellow both terrible and furious, insomuch that the Gaoler was fain to arm all those who lay near him with Iron Breeches, and had he not been well chained, no body durst let a foist or fart before him, for fear of putting him in mind of the Region of Buttocks. He was accompanied with another, as honest a man as himself, who said he was in for being too dexterous, and for catching of fish without wetting his fingers. I enquired a little more curiously into his meaning, and found he was somewhat light-fingered, and that nothing could scape him. I was likewise told, how there was hardly a Post-horse in the Kingdom which had been so slashed as he had been; for he had passed through all the Beadle's hands; you could not speak of his ears in the plural number, and for his face a man would have thought it had been inlaid with new flesh, there were such great Seams in it.  
Besides those two, there were four others, whom the Justice had reprieved from the Gallows and condemned to the Galleys: I heard them say, how in a few days they hoped they might be able to brag, that they had served his Majesty both by Sea and Land. These good honest people were much discontented with my poor Comerades, for that they had not given some cleansing money, as I had; and thereupon concluded among themselves to bestow the Eelskins upon them with a vengeance, tough cord which they had provided for that purpose. Night came, and we were locked up in our old Quarter, it was not long ere the Candle was put out, and I presently began to smell their plot, whereupon I got me under the staircase, and could have crept into an Auger-hole, so shin I was for fear. Presently one of the gang fell a whistling, and another to manage his whip: My Brothers of the Industry soon perceived the meaning of it, and got them as close one to another, as their skins was to their flesh. The whip in the mean time went on very cheerfully, without putting any body to the squeak. But those cunning Rogues hearing no body cry out, began to throw about certain stones and Tiles which they had kept in reserve for that end, one of which made an incision in poor Don Torrivio's Crupper, at least two fingers broad, thereupon he fell à roaring, as if he had been killed, and those wicked ungracious Varlets fell to singing and shaking their chains as loud as they could, to prevent the hearing of Don Torrivio's outcry, who to save himself pulled the others upon him, and each endeavouring to get undermost, one might have heard their bones crackle like a Lazars bell. In this scuffle, all to pieces went their ; nor did the shower of stones and Tiles cease for all that, insomuch that poor Don Torrivio who lay exposed to the whole volley of shot, seeing himself at death's door, ready to die a Martyr, though he had neither goodness nor holiness, cried out, that he would pay their fee, so they would let him come out and be at quiet; to which end he would deposit his clothes in their hands, adding he had rather keep his bed for want of clothes than health. All of them would needs be admitted into the same Articles, but maugre all their Industry, their heads were first as soft as so many rotten Apples, with the hail-storm which fell upon them. But at last, a cessation was concluded for that night. It was not long ere day appeared, and a Summons delivered for performance of Articles, but when they came to the execution of them, they found that all their clothes would hardly make one good pair of Socks: However they were all seized into custody, not so much for their worth, as to leave their Masters naked, that they might put a new trick upon them.  
They were quickly uncased, not so much left them as a rag to cover their nakedness, besides one old rug, and then it was that they began to be sensible of a most terrible Itch; for to complete their miseries, the Gaoler laid them just where all the rabble of the Prisoners used to louze themselves, long they had not been there, before the merry louse seized on them, who having been kept long fasting, would in a few hours have made a breakfast of my poor Brothers, had they not quickly thrown away their Coverlet, and so covered their bellies with their Bums.  
For my part I got me out of this Purgatory, and beseeched them to have me excused, if I took my leave of them, for that my presence might well be spared, they having no want of company. I made new applications to the Gaoler, and tickled him in the Palm with a little more of St. John's grease, though contrary to my former resolution; he acquainted me with the Attorney's name, in whose hands our Informations and process were, I sent a little Boy who belonged to the Prison for him, he came, we withdrew apart to consider of my getting off. At first he was upon the reserve, but when I told him, I knew how to be grateful, and would deserve any good office he should do me, he looked as brisk as a glass of Canary, and became as pliant as a Does-leather glove. I conveyed a brace of Pistols into his hands and desired him to befriend me, as much as that came to. I told him, I was a young Knight, not acquainted with the world, etc. Sir said he its enough, I understand you, look you Sir the good or ill success of a business is in our power, many are the disorders which happen when our offices are conferred upon such men, as have not the honour or conscience to do the work as I do. I'll undertake the business, fear nothing. The Judges may prate and talk their pleasures upon the bench, but when it comes to the execution, we do as we please, but what need I tell you any more? fear nothing, trust to me. He bid me farewell, and went to the door, but presently came back to me; I have a word more to tell you, quoth he, with a sour look: There is a sort of Twatlers who will be prating, unless you lock up their mouths under a silver seal. If you gratify the Sergeant, it were not amiss, for look you Sir, he may else do you a mischief, by putting out a word which might spoil all. Sir said I, will you be pleased to present him with this Pistol in my behalf, for that I am not acquainted with him. He took it and promised to do it that day, and withal told me, I should do well to set my collar right, which then stood towards the Alehouse, that I should get some Lozenges for my cough, which I had gotten by lying in the cold, and then away he went: Not long after I gave the Gaoler half a Pistol, who thereupon eased me of my chains, and permitted me to eat and drink with him, though the sauce cost me full dearly.  
After some few days passed, our process was concluded and presented to the Judges to be signed. By it our poor old woman, together with the rest of my Brothers: of the Industry, were condemned to dance round the City, and to live for six years in some other Country. My Innocence was cleared, God a mercy horse, Gold I mean, and so I got clear for that bout.   

Buscon falls in love with his Landlord's Daughter, pretendeth to be a Conjurer the better to attain his design, and the mischance which befell him.  
BEing out of Prison, I found myself all alone, forsaken by my friends, who were beating it upon the hoof: I was informed how they were gone on Pilgrimage towards Sevile, I must needs confess I had no great mind to make one of the company; It was not long ere I had found out a good lodging where I intended to make myself whole again: There I lighted upon a very pretty Wench clear skinned, well bodied, witty, and of a good humour; she lisped a little, but it became her mighty well, very fearful she was of a Mouse, had a lily-white hand, of which she was not a little proud, and would ever and anon be putting it up to her forehead as if it itched, purposely that she might show it: At Table she carved all the meat; it company she would often take off her Gloves, either to fasten or take our some Pin or other; if she played at Tables, or shuffle-board, because she might not want occasions to show her fair hands; she would often pretend to yawn, that her teeth might be seen, and then with her bare hand would she make the sign of the Cross over her mouth, and to the same end would she often laugh.  
I was kindly entertained by them they lodged me in the same Chamber with two other Guests, one a Portugal, t' other a Catalonian. At my first coming I cast my eyes upon the young Girl, who me thoughts would serve my turn to pass away the time, nor did the conquest of her appear very difficult, for that we were both in the same house: I told her merry stories which I had read, and some I made to pass away the time: In a word, I was very officious to do her service. Now because Annetta, such was her name, was very curious and inquisitive; I made her believe I was a Conjurer, and that I could do strange feats; that I could make the house sink under ground in her apprehension, and presently seem as if it were on fire; that I could make people dance naked, or fight with one another, if I pleased, with a thousand such like crotchical devices, all which the poor soul swallowed for truth. By these devices, together with some small liberalities expended in Collations, and such other Knacks as I presented to her, I became intimately acquainted, and had soon insinuated myself into the favour, both of Annetta and her Mother; not but that I intended to make up my Markets again upon what I could take, after I had obtained my ends on her.  
The Portugal, of whom I told you, was ready to die for love of Annetta, he never came near her but he sighed like a Presbyterian at a long Lecture; He was much given to musing, melancholy, and the like, and withal, as convetous as a Lawer; he drank by himself, and fasted every three days; nay, his Bread was so hard, that the teeth of a Saw could hardly enter it: He would ever and anon be crowing of his valour, but had he laid eggs, he had been a most perfect Hen indeed, for he troubled all people with his cakling; yet he was not so blind as not to perceive how I had got the start of him in Annettas' good will: Now to put a rub in my way, he would sometimes rail on me, and call me lousy beggarly Knave, and low minded Rascal; I was made acquainted with it, and sometimes heard it with my own ears, but took no notice of it, rather humoured him, and collogued with him, lest some mischief might have happened in case we should have quarrelled with one another, which possible might have forced one, if not both of us, to leave the Lodging, by which means I might come to lose not only my expectations, but likewise all the expense I had been at in courting Annetta.  
In the mean while, I lost no time of improving that good esteem I had gotten with Annetta; in so much that in a little time I had contracted so great a friendship with her, that she permitted me to write unto her the stories of my love, which I always delivered with my own hands: She was much taken with my Letters and Lovesongs, a dish she had seldom tasted, being notes of the highest quality, and was ravished with the respects and honours I had done her. My Letters usually began with these or the like expressions. I have presumed: Your extraordinary Beauty: The flames which consume me: Those Suns of your eyes; the end always full of submissions, such as in those cases are usual: I subscribed myself, The servant of her servants: The vassal of her disdain: The subject of her power: By these and the like ways we became in fine so intimatè that we always spoke to one another in the Quakers terms, Thee and Thou.  
However, notwithstanding all these Freedoms, I could never get her to do feat: but at last seeing she was as ambitious as crafty, I told her one day with a great deal of confidence, that I had learned a secret in Magic to make one be beloved of any person he had a mind to; and that I had so great a passion for her advancement and fortune; that I would teach it her, in case she would gratify me with some favour: At this she began to prick up her ears, yet she was subtle enough not to let herself be snapped by men; what recompense would you have, said she smiling? I should think the smallest favour thrown away, if I should venture it upon such slender hopes; but in case you let me first see any of your rarities, I shall then know how to proportion my gratitude. I was not dismayed, rather overjoyed at this reply, for a Fort which so capitulateth is half surrendered: Thereupon I promised to content her the first opportunity she could procure of a little privacy and leisure: The great desire she had of seeing me do what I had undertaken, made her resolve upon the night following: An hour after midnight, said she, all the house will be fast a sleep, and then we may securely meet at my Chamber window; for said she, in case you be so skilful, you may easily find a way to come through the Gallery into my Chamber by the window; That I can, said I, as easily as speak.  
I was exceedingly desireous of trying my destiny, in order whereunto I got me into the Gallery at the appointed hour; but as the Devil would have it, I no sooner set myself to slide down out of the Gallery upon her window, but my foot slipped, and I fell upon a house just under ours, which belonged to an Attorney, one who was no very good friend of my Landlords: My fall was very great, so great that it broke above twenty tiles, which left many remembrances in my sides; the noise of my fall wakened a sleeping Lion, as the Proverb saith, for such I found it, to my grief: The Lawyer cried out amain, Thiefs, Thiefs, and presently came up to to the house top with a Brother of his, and two young Clerks; I no sooner spied them but I designed to hid myself behind a Chimney, not far from me, but to little purpose God wots, for they fell on me like a thunderclap, in so much that I thought that minute would have been my last: The next thing they did was to bind me, nor would they admit of any excuse. Annetta beheld all these passages, but she was so possessed with what I had told her, that she thought they had been so many illusions, only to make her laugh, so that she continued saying its enough it's enough.  
I told them I lodged in the next house, the Master whereof could assure them I was not such a man as they took me to be, but they laughed at me: To conclude, they cast me into a Cellar, amongst a number of Faggots, there lay I till morning, though it were almost day when my misfortune befell me, it being in the Summer time, and about two hours after midnight.   

He is delivered from his second imprisonment: The invention he used to get out of his Lodging without paying for his diet.  
COnsider I pray the cruelty of my stars: I only intended to steal some amorous favours, and behold me taken for an absolute Thief. I passed that night in great affliction, which tormented more than my fall, or all the blows I had received, which were not inconsiderable, either for weight or number; yet that which vexed me, was, I knew not any industry, which could bring me out of the Labyrinth in which I then found myself ensnared.  
Day being come, my Lawyer caused me to be brought before him, he began to examine me, and to reprehend me for being a Thief, in which he was very eloquent, for to say the truth, he was his Craftsmaster at that feat.  
When behold Annetta by this time, suspecting belike the power of my Charms, had acquainted her Father and Mother with the mishap, making them believe that I was showing some feats of activity before her in the Gallery, and by mischance had fallen out of the window upon the next house, where they had taken me for a Lurcher, and not a Tumbler: She entreated the Catalonian and Portugal to speak in my behalf, and to inform our Lawyer of my honesty and behaviour; they were no sooner come unto the Lawyer but he began to look about him, suspecting them to be parties and complices of my supposed theft. The Portugal was highly incensed against him for it, and began to give him ill Language, told him that for his own part he was a Gentleman belonging to the King's Family, and that I was a Person of Honour, that he wronged himself to believe I was a Robber, and withal, came presently to unbind me: My Clerk seeing himself alone, began to cry out for more help, but to little purpose, for I was set at liberty in spite of his teeth. The Lawyer seeing things carried by a high hand, was forced to be content, but told us, this our undue violence might cost us full dear, but when he saw us going, at least, quoth he, give me something for the tiles you have broken; I understood his meaning, and presented him with eight Royals: I was indeed at that time in so liberal a humour, that I could willingly have found in my heart to have repaid him with interest, those many blows he had lent me the night before; but that no body might take notice of any such thing, I carried them all quietly away upon my shoulders, and gave many thanks unto my two friends who had redeemed me from my Captivity.  
Being come back to our Quarters, the Catalonian could not forbear playing upon me, sometimes he would be ask me what price Faggots did bear, otherwhiles that cleanliness was a very recommendable quality in a man; that brushing one's clothes would preserve them much the longer and handsomer: In so much that at last I found myself on the one side much troubled at his jeers, and yet on the other side very much obliged to him for his assistance: Unable then to satisfy both these my resentments, I resolved to find out some medium between these two extremities, viz. to Eclipse myself, that is, to withdraw myself from my Lodging; but so as I might escape paying the reckoning I owed there, which was none of the least: There was only one thing in my way, my Cloak-bag, which could hardly be carried out unperceived; well, I made a Scholar, a notable Crack, and one of my acquaintance in Alcala, privy to my design, who with two other of his friends, and their two servants, brought a close Chair one night unto the Lodging where I was; asked for the Master and Mistress of the house, told them he was sent by the Inquisition; that they should not make any noise, for that it was a business which required secrecy: do but guests now in what a fright they were, for they verily believed some one had accused me of sorcery and the black Art, as indeed myself had given out; upon this they were as mute as fishes; but when he demanded my Cloak-bag, they then began to open indeed, and required some security for what I owed them; thereupon the Rogue told them my goods belonged to the Inquisition, which would take their debt into due consideration; fear and respect so tongue-tied them, that they had not a word more to reply, but let him carry me off in quiet; they pitied my mishap indeed, and said, they always suspected it would come to this pass in the end.   

Buscon gets himself cured; falls very sick: The entertainment his Landlady gave him; of whom he makes a description: He is taken by the Constable for her Gallant: He takes upon him to be a wand'ring Beggar, by which Trade he gets store of Money: At last he goeth to Toledo.  
BEhold me now out of the Attorneys Clutches, and Annettas' fair hands; but withal I found myself in a sad, weak condition, for I could hardly stand alone for want of strength, ever since my fall, and those blows the Lawyer bestowed upon me: I was therefore of necessity to take some rest; for the better effecting whereof, I took a Lodging at the further end of the City, where I light upon a very good woman, who made me kindly welcome: At first coming I put a good face upon it, for had I told her I was not well, she would hardly have received me into her house: There I lay sick about a Month, which cost me near hand all that little which was left me of my small fortune. At last I began to pick up my crumbs, when upon a certain morning, about six a clock, just as I wakened out of a dream, in which me thought I was dead, I beheld my Landlady standing at my bed's head▪ which wanted little of putting me into a swoon; for to say the truth, I took her to be death itself: She was a wrizled old woman, about threescore years old; her face like a tanned hide, and as full of chaps as a parched field in a hot Summer; she ever carried a string of Beads in her hand, over which she would pur just like a Cat when she is made much of; she was a woman of great repute in that Quarter, and had the name of doing many good offices amongst her neighbours, and indeed she had more good qualities then one; sometimes she would be making of Matches; other times she would play the Bawd, and anon lend money upon pawns; her house was never without company; she was excellent at teaching of young Girls, who were setting up of themselves, how they should wear their Hoods, and what part of their face they might show for the most advantage; such as had good white teeth she would advise to be ever smiling, nay and to show them, though they were weeping: Those who had fine hands she would counsel to be ever and anon playing with their Fans, to the end the blackness of the one might set off the cleverness of t'other, to take off their Gloves every other turn, and to put them on again; such as had good handsome Hair, she would instruct how to wear it to the most advantage; and she would read a Lecture how the eyes ought to be turned, according to their greatness or smallness. As for matter of Painting, she was excellent at it; she could make one though as black as a Crow, seem so fair, that her own Husband should hardly know her; But her Masterpiece was to retrieve a lost Maidenhead, and so to sodder it up, as the least crack should not appear.  
In less than eight days that I was with her, I saw her use all these Arts: Besides all which she taught her Pupils how to insinuate themselves into a Gentleman's Jewel or Ring. The young ones between just and earnest; the eldest sort by way of favour, and the old ones in the nature of a reward; she read Lectures of the true ask of money, toys, and the like.  
I have inserted these particulars, the more to move your pity, when you consider into what hands I was fallen; as also that you may readily apprehend the proposals she was about to make unto me, which thus began, for she always spoke in Parables and Proverbs.  
Son always taking out, and never putting in, will empty the greatest dish in Europe, Like dust, like dirt, like man, like match. I know thee not, nor what Religion thou art of. Young thou art, and therefore no wonder that thou art given to roguery, without considering that thy life wears out, whilst thou sleepest. I have more years upon my head of the two, and consequently can give thee some good Instructions, but why should I? I have been told thou hast spent store of money in a thousand trifles; that sometimes thou art a Scholar, otherwhiles a Beggar, and anon a Gentleman, sometimes a man, and otherwhiles a Mouse, Oh child, tell me with whom thou hast lived, and I'll tell thee of what humour thou art. Like to like. I would have thee to know, many times the toast is lost between the cup and lip. Ah Varlet as thou art, If thou lov'dst a wench, where was I? didst thou not know me? wert thou unacquainted with my abilities? I dare swear thou hast been with some pitiful Grooms wife or other; for my part I meddle with no such Cattle, no faith, mine are all with black Hoods, and Holland-Smocks. Hadst thou come to me, I'd have saved thee a good many Pistols, which thou hast thrown away idly, it should have cost thee nothing. It is not money I value, nor would I ever ask thee for one penny on that thou owest me for lodging, had I not occasion to buy some Candle and Salads against night.  
With that she ended her discourse, and I perceived all this beating of the Bush, was to get the money I owed her for my Lodging, which I paid unto her, and told her I should be very sorry that my forgetfulness should be the occasion of hindering any her affairs. Whilst I was counting out her money, my misfortunes which were never unmindful of me, and the Devil who never forgot me, conspired together to undo me once more, for the Constable had been informed that she kept an ugly rogue then in the house, who lay with her, upon which account he came to lay hands on her. Now I pray do but consider how things fell out, They came directly up stairs into my chamber, and finding me in my bed, and her at my Bolster, they concluded me to be the Gallant for whom they searched. Presently they seized on me, drew me out of bed, and dragged me up and down the chamber, for I could not yet stand upon my legs. In the mean while two others, took my poor Landlady to task, whom they kicked and called a thousand Whores, Witches and Bawds.  
With the noise of the Constable his men, my Landlady and self, the Incubus of our Succubus awaked, and hearing me cry out, that they mistook me for another, who lay in the next Chamber, thought himself to be the man they sought for, whereupon he presently got up, and contriving how to make sure of one, got down stairs, and intended to get out at the back door, but one of the Officers had spied him, and got hold of him. Thereupon up they came to me, and desired me to pardon their mistake, which I did very willingly, to be rid of them. Away they carried my Landlady and her Gallant to Prison, and left me where they found me. I continued eight days longer in the same house, under the Barber's hands unable to go without crutches, and that which was worst of all, I had not one cross left wherewithal to bless myself, for those shaving Surgeons had sucked up my last hundred Royals, to set me upon my legs again. In this straight I was forced to go abroad for fear of being famished, but how think you? with my two crutches to beg for my living. But first I sold my clothes which were indifferent good, and with the money bought me a leathern Colar, a Canvas Doublet, and an old patched Gown. Then I got me some leather bags for my legs, which I warpped up in a great many old rags: Thus accoutred, with a great brass Cross hanging at my neck, and a most invincible string of Beads in my hands, I went abroad to seek my fortune: The residue of my money I sowed up in my Doublet. I counterfeited my voice for that of a distressed Soul, who would move the world to pity him, and thus I began to manage the wallet which sometimes brings a pretty income with it, if duly understood. I got some extraordinary words in my begging, Good Christian people, would I say, Servants of the Lord, Pity a poor distressed body afflicted with sickness and sores, who beareth his griefs with patience. This was my Dialect on working days, but upon Holidays I was in another Cue. Faith without Charity is dead, you Souls devoted to God, who is perfect Charity itself, would I say, and for the Virgin Maries sake, that blessed Queen of Heaven have compassion upon a poor Cripple, whom the Lord hath touched with his hand. Then fetching a great sigh, I would make a stop, and I assure you, that is a main thing. Ha! would I say, It hath pleased God to make me as you see me, though not long since I wrought for my living, and was as healthy as any of you, but praised be the Lord. By this Industry the pence and farthings would sometimes fall like a hail-storm into an old hat, which I held to receive alms. Then did I begin to repent, I had no sooner betaken myself to that trade. It was not long ere I had contracted an acquaintance with another old Beggar, with whom I lodged, as notable a fellow at our science as any one in the whole world, for I persuade myself he was a Doctor at that and all other Rogueries: He had an artificial Rupture, as big as a nine-pin Bowl: He tied one of his arms about his shoulder with a good strong Cord, so that his hand would presently appear all swollen and inflamed. He would lie on the ground, and letting his pretended rapture appear out of his breeches, lay his hand on a little pillow and then cry in a lamentable tone, Consider good Christians, how it hath pleased the Lord of his mercy to visit me with sickness and Infirmities. If any woman passed by him, God keep you fair Mistress would he say: Some there were so foolish of that sex, as that they would choose to go by the Street where he was, purposely to be called fair, though they had no business that way. If any Fencing Master passed by him, he called him Captain; if of any other condition, either Esquires, worshipful Knight, or Lord; if any Ecclesiastical man passed near him, he presently had him by the ear with a good Master Abbot; in a word, he dispatched letters Patents for Titles of honour, at a small rate to the buyer, and at no great trouble to himself, not but that he got well enough by it.  
In less than six weeks I had picked up about thirty pound, and having quite recovered my former strength, I resolved to leave the Court, and to go unto Toledo, where I was unknown to any one. I bought me a grey suit with a Sword, and so bid Adieu to my fellow Beggars; for the truth is, I was a little too stout to stoop unto that beggarly profession, and thus I departed toward Toledo.   

Buscon happens into the Company of certain Players: He falls in love with one of his Comrades Wife; He is almost killed upon the Stage: The Comedians derided; A misfortune which befell them. Buscon turns Poet, and at last renounceth that Trade.  
THe first Stage I went, it was my fortune to light upon a company of Players going for Toledo; they had three Coaches with them, and amongst the rest one who had been of my acquaintance whilst I was at Alcala, but had now left his study to go to Play: Him I acquainted with my resolution of leaving the Court and going to Toledo: he no sooner heard me say so, but he embraced me very kindly, and so far prevailed with his friends, that they gave me leave to make one of their company. When all was ready to set forth, they called on me to pay my part of the horse hire, by which means I got into one of the Coaches: They went higlety piglety all together, men and women, amongst whom there was one very handsome indeed, who danced exceeding well, and acted the Queen and Princesses in all their Comedies. Now as good luck would have it, it was my hap to sit next unto her Husband; and not knowing unto whom I spoke, but transported by my passion, or bewitched by her looks; do you know said I unto him, how a man might buy yond Merchandise, or at least how he might adventure a twenty Crowns upon her, for me thinks she is very handsome: It would not very well become me, replied he, to be your Schoolmaster in that particular, for that I am her Husband; but this I may tell you, your money would not be ill employed; for to speak without passion, I can assure you the world hath not a more delicate softer piece of flesh than herself, or one of a more gamesome, toying humour; and withal, went out of that Coach into another, belike to give me opportunity to speak unto her: For my part I was much taken with the passage, which me thoughts was a very good one, and made appear that he spoke truth, when he spoke those words without passion: Being desirous then to make use of the opportunity I then had; I got me close to her, and accosted her in the best Language I could: She enquired what I was, and whether I went; in fine, we understood each other, but deferred all until we came unto Toledo, for our better conveniency. We passed away the time very cheerily; amongst other discourse I began to recite a certain piece of a Play, which I had acted when a Boy; it was a part of St Alexis, for you must know, the Spaniards are such good Catholics that most of their Comedies are Religious. It seems I rehearsed it with so good an action, that they asked me the question whether I would be one of them; and to egg me on, told me many things in commendation of their profession. The truth is, I had already a great mind to the young woman; nor could I forbear scratching where it itched not, whereupon I engaged to stay with them two years; Our Writings and Articles were drawn up, and executed; I had my habits and speeches delivered unto me, and at last unto Toledo we came, where in a short time I made myself famous for one of the most able men of the Theatre.  
We adventured upon a Comedy made by one of our own Tribe: Now you must know, I being but a Novice began to wonder when I saw a Stage player, and a Poet both one and the same person; for I supposed none but men of Parts and Abilities had undertaken that profession; but the longer I lived the more I learned, for at last I perceived that most of the Actors were all Composers: The time is well changed, thought I to myself, for I remember when no one but that excellent Lopo de Vega, durst undertake to write one: Well, we adventured as I told you upon our Comedy, which was but ill contrived and worse acted, in so much that the Auditors were very much discontented.  
The next day our Composer supposing he had then well mended the matter, engaged us to act it a second time: we did so; As God would have it it began with a War, and I came upon the Stage-armed with a Head-piece, Back and Breast, with a Truncheon in my hand, without which I am confident I had never come off a live, the stones and Cudgels did so clutter about my ears; never was there such a storm seen or heard: The truth is, the Comedy deserved it, for it changed a Norman King into a Hermit, without Rhyme or Reason, head or tail; Then for an Interlude it brought in two footmen; and at last to close up all the Intricacies, it ended in a general Marriage. Sure I am we were well paid for our pains, and some of us began to grumble at our Poet: We laid before him the danger unto which he exposed us, and the like, unto which he replied saying, for his part we need not fall out with him for there was not any thing of his in the whole Comedy, but only the placing of several Speeches together, out of divers Plays, which he had in a Book bound up together, like a Cloak pieced up of several rags; and that the misfortune was, they were not well sewed together: He confessed one day unto me, That all Comedians, meaning Composers, were under the Statute of Restitution, for that they stole all they did: The truth is, I was much taken with the conceit, and resolved to try how I could make one hang together by the same Art: For to say the truth, I always found myself inclined to Poetry: I was acquainted with some, and had read others, as Garcilasso and the like. To be short, I fell to it, and what with the money I got and what pastime I had with the Player's Wife, of whom I told you: I lived very merrily, nor did we ever fall into any more such praemunires, for we began to take up and correct our former absurdities, and made Plays indeed, by which I got for my own share no small applause, and which pleased me better, no little sum of money.  
We had not been a full month in Toledo, before I had gotten three very good Suits of clothes on my back; nay, I became so famous, that some other sets of our own profession would fain have corrupted me to come over to them: I was already Prompter; I corrected their Action and Cadence: I was the only man that gave direction for the dressing or setting out the Stage. If any one presented a new Comedy to be acted, it was presently brought to my examination, in so much that many days had not passed before I grew very conceited of my own worth, and began to patch up old ends together; so that in short I became an absolute Poet, and had the confidence, I mean, Impudence, to make a Comedy, which so added to my former credit, that I wanted hands enough to write verses, so plagued I was with a company of amorous fools, that haunted me day and night, to acquaint me with the state of their Loves, and to entreat me to make Copies of Verses for them; some upon absence, others upon disdain; some upon jealousy, and the like, according to their several passions. Now I had a set price upon all my pieces, though the truth is I afforded them good cheap, for the quicker sale of them: Now as I was one day very hard at making of a Comedy, there befell me one of the pleasantest things that I think was ever heard of: And thus it was, for though it redound to my discredit, yet I will not be ashamed to acquaint you with it: You must know, that when the Poetic fury came upon me, I had gotten such a trick that I could not forbear walking up and down the Chamber with the same earnestness, and reciting my Verses with the same loudness, as if I had been upon the Stage. Now it so fell out, that a Maid in the house where I Lodged, was coming up to my Chamber just about noon with my Dinner, which was of two dishes, one of Broth, another of Roast-meat, at which time I was by chance upon a description of the hunting of wild beasts, and of a man pulled down by a Bear, and as if it had been my own self, I began to cry out in a pitiful tone, 
Save thyself from this same Bear,  
Lest that thy body he should tore.  
Oh! how my Limbs are rend in sunder?  
Now he hath got my body under.  
Save thyself, for now I see  
He is resolved to fall on thee.   
The poor Wench was so terrified with my cry and action, that she verily believed I had really advised her to save her self lest she were devoured: The great haste in which she was to be gone, made her leap down all the stairs at once; down she came, and the dishes upon her; away she got into the street, crying there was a Bear in the house, killing and eating a man: I heard the noise, and apprehending whence it came, went out that I might dis-abuse the poor Girl: But notwithstanding all my haste, I found about a dozen men at the door, some with Spits, some with Halberds, and others with Swords, swearing and staring, who asked me where the Bear was? Thereupon I up and told them the whole story, and repeated the Verses which had occasioned that Alarm: Oh! how mad and vexed they were? so that what with shame, and what with anger, they cursed the Poetry and Poet too, unto the pit of Hell; but that little troubled me, that which concerned me most, was, I was forced to fast that day for want of a Dinner, and to say Grace after meal before I had eaten a bit of any thing.  
My companions hearing of this adventure, intended to make a Song of it, and all the Town did ring again, both of this and some other misfortunes which befell me whilst I made profession of Poetry.  
Not long after, another accident betided us, which reflected on all the individual members of our fraternity, in as much as it struck at our very head. The Master of our Company had run in debt with some Long-lane Merchants, for old Clothes, and such like necessaries of our use, but they perceiving no sign of money, arrested him, laid him up in safe custody; whereupon, all the rest of his Creditors came in thick and threefold upon him, by which means he lay under so many locks and keys, that there was little likelihood of his ever getting out: By this means our society began to moulder away, and each one shifted for himself: The truth is, there were others enough who would have been glad to have drawn me to them, but I had no great mind to the Trade, having engaged in it by mere necessity.   

Buscon contracts a particular friendship with one of the Comedians; they go together unto Sevill: He falls in love with a rich Merchant's Daughter: They both get themselves admitted into service in the same house: The admirable inventions and tricks which Buscon useth to engage the young Maid to love him: His Marriage with her, being a very pleasant Story.  
WHen I went off, I found myself well habited, and about a hundred pounds in my Purse: I had likewise a particular friendship with him, who had first introduced me into the society of my Stage-Players; his name was Alistor, a man both of courage and discretion. We two laid our heads together, and resolved to travel the Country, and to see Sevill, upon design of changing our garb; being once got thither, and to bear it out like Gentlemen indeed, that we might the more freely frequent Ordinaries and gaming houses, and consequently make use of our skill in dice and cards, we bought us a brace of very good mules, and came to Sevill very happily. In all our journey we spent not one penny of our main stock, for we had light upon some youngsters, whom we fleeced so well, that their moneys paid our reckon. We had not been long there, ere we sold our Mules with their appurtenances, and put ourselves into our intended garb, wherein the Comedy had made us so dexterous, that no one living could have mistrusted us, either by our behaviour or language. The first thing we did, was to inform ourselves of the public meeting places, and the several companies that were in the City: We got acquainted with the names of the several streets, and great men who then lived in the Town. But it was not long ere we steered another course, for as we were one day coning of our lessons, I chanced to look upon a certain fair house, which took up my thoughts for some little time, and at one of the windows I beheld a young Gentlewoman, exceeding handsome, and to my apprehension, not above fifteen years old. Whilst I was taking a view of her, she withdrew herself, and I passed on my way. I turned to my Companion, and asked him if he took notice of the young Gentlewoman at the window, yes said he, I should have been very sorry not to have seen her, for indeed she is very handsome, I would to God replied I, I had not seen her, for the hath stolen my heart from me. Alistor thinking I had spoken in merriment, began to jeer, and to say, my mouth was not out of taste, and to tell me she was meat for our Masters. Well on we went, and in conclusion home we returned. It being near Suppertime, down we sat; but for my part, not a bit of any thing could I eat, nor hardly speak a word.  
When Bed time drew nigh, we retired ourselves, yet could not I sleep one wink; nothing but sighs and toss too and fro, with the like vexations, to think that my condition hindered me from prosecuting my own inclinations. Alistor, who had a great kindness for me, seeing me in such trouble, promised to effect impossibilities for my comfort. Let us first said he, learn who and what she is, and then if it be in the wit of man to win her, I'll undertake thou shalt wear her, however we'll try what is to be done.  
I was not so blinded with passion, but I could easily see all those projects were but Chimaeras, yet I found some diversion in thinking on them. When day came, we got us into the same street where I had lost both my heart and liberty, with intention to inquire out who that fair Goddess was. We were told she was a rich Merchant's daughter, who was gone unto the Indies about six months before; that he had left his said daughter in custody of her mother, and an Uncle of hers, his Partner in trading: That her name was Rozelle, that the best in Sevill had courted her, not only for her wealth, but her beauty. This discourse made me conclude my wound was mortal, and that there was no hopes of cure. But Love raiseth the mind, and suggesteth inventions, such as without it, could not enter into the heart of man; for we learned withal, how a Servant of the house, who always waited on the Mother and Daughter was lately dead, and that Rozelles Uncle had turned away his; whereupon we concluded it would be no great matter for Alistor and myself to be admitted into their places. I acquainted him with my thoughts, and he approved of them, to effect which, we got us clothes of meaner degree than those we then wore. Thereupon we addressed ourselves to a Tailor, who lived just by Rozelles house, we promised him two Pieces to get us in to service there: he presently undertook it, as thinking it easy to be effected, and indeed he so well managed this affair, that not many days after, we were carried unto Rozelles Uncle who looked upon us, and having questioned us about trivial matters, at last hired us, and appointed us to come the next morning.  
Now for the better carrying on of our design, you must understand Alistor and I contrived together, that I should wear a Milan shirt next under my Cassock, with the Order of St. Jaques fastened to it; together with the Cross, as the custom of that Order is, which might make me pass for a Knight of that Order, as occasion might require. You may imagine we were not backward to wait upon Rozelles Uncle at the time appointed, He forthwith told us what he expected from us, and put us in charge of such places as were entrusted with us, in which we behaved ourselves so well, that both the Uncle, Mother and daughter thought themselves very happy in two such good Servants. As for the rest of the servants, we easily got their good wills by some small liberalities, which I used amongst them (and indeed liberality is Love's eldest daughter) insomuch that I dare swear there was not one amongst them that would not have ventured his life for us. Our money being still about an hundred pounds, we entrusted with a Merchant of whom I took no Interest, upon condition he should at any time furnish me with Bills of Exchange for such sums as I should desire of him, not exceeding the said sum in his hands. The Merchant accepted of it very willingly, for that he ran no hazard, and furnished us with as many Bills as we desired, all which he accepted, and engaged to pay us the money, when soever we desired.  
Hereupon I insinuated myself sometimes into one servant, and otherwhiles into another, and told them as a great secret, what Letters of Exchange I had, beseeching them not to tell one another of it. Sometimes by means of a Collation, I could do any thing with them. Our Merchant was a man publicly known, which made our design the less suspected; for the better carrying on of which, I would often take one or other of them along with me, and receive the money before them, which made them believe I was of other condition than I seemed to be; and which most of all confirmed them in that opinion, Alistor would now and then seem to respect me like his Master, when at any time we thought ourselves alone, which he did on purpose to deceive them, now and then he stood bareheaded before me, and if I let any thing fall, as I often did, he would presently take it up, and deliver it to me. Now as there is not any thing a Secret which once a Servant knoweth; many days had not passed, before my Master, Rozelle's Uncle had received some inkling of it, as we perceived by some questions he asked us, and the manner of his deportment towards us, not that he could in the least discover us, farther than we had a mind he should.  
I made a good use of that his suspicion for I presently began to court all occasions of serving Rozelle: If she chanced to call any of the servants, I was still ready at her elbow, which I so often observed to do, that in fine, she herself took notice of it.  
I lost no time, but now and then cast amorous glances at her, which I knew how to counterfeit to an hair, having learned it perfectly whilst I was a Player; and the truth is, I did it so dexterously, that she seldom missed of taking me at it, my eyes being never off her. It was not long ere she began to observe my Passion, and was so far from being any ways offended at it, that she rather wished those opinions conceived of my disguisement, had been true; and that my quality and estate had been correspondent to my behaviour and person. Sure I am, she used her utmost Art to discover me; for she made those with whom I kept company to observe all my actions, in so much that I went no whether, nor said I any thing, which was not presently carried to her: Nay, she once began to set upon Alistor, to try what she could sift out of him, but he was too cunning for her, and did so ingenuously contramine her, that all she could get from him was, Though my condition were at that time mean and servile, yet that I had a heart and mind of a man of Honour.  
When Alistor had acquainted me with what had passed between Rozele and himself, I resolved by means of a Letter, which I had at my finger's ends, to possess her with a full belief, that I was the man I would fain be thought to be: My Letter being written, with a fair Superscription and Seal, I put it up in my Pocket; and one day as I passed by Rozele, I took occasion to pull out my Handkerchief and to let the Letter fall, as if unknown to me, and so passed on. She no sooner saw me gone, but up she took it, without speaking one word (for she even longed to know who and what I was, and and well hoped she might by this Letter find the truth of it) presently she got her into her Chamber, and having looked on the Letter she found it thus Superscribed;  
These for Don Fernand Armendez de Mendoz, Knight of the Order of St. Jaques.  
And having opened it, she found these words within written.  
YOur enemies are so solicitous to discover where you are, that a man had need of a great circumspection when and how he writes unto you; and withal, so powerful they are, that they spare no cost to lay out for you, This is the true excuse of my long silence; This I must confess I have adventured, in regard it goes by Rodigro, the Earl of Arangol, your Brother's Page, now going unto the Indies, for that I know him to be affectionate and faithful in any of your concernments.  
Be pleased then to know, That your Friends have so far prevailed with his Majesty, in despite of all your enemies, that you shall have your pardon and the continuance of his favour, provided you serve him ten years in the wars of Flanders. I must needs confess it is a kind of banishment; but we hope in a few days to obtain your absolute pardon, without any such restrictions.  
Be pleased therefore to accept of this in good part, and believe it, we have been very industrious to procure thus much: We neither do nor will lose any time for your service, as the Duke your Brother can inform you. In the mean time we all desire you resolutely to submit unto the servile habit which you have chosen for your disguisement, and be confident this hardship will not long last. God have you in his keeping.  
From Vailladolid, etc. Don Joseph Piementel.  
As fast as the innocent Rozele read my Letter, so she insensibly ensnared herself in those Nets I had laid for her: Every word was a dagger at her heart, she recollected all my former behaviours into her thoughts, my Bills of exchange, my fellow servants suspicions of me; and having compared all together, love at last took full possession of her heart; she locked up my Letter, little thinking what pains she took to undo herself, and then returned to the place where she found it: At which instance I took occasion to pass by her with the same respect I had always used, but with a kind of discontent in my face; she observed all my behaviour, and I seeming not to take notice of it, began to look up and down, as if I sought for something: At last, Rozele seeing in what a perplexity I was, asked me what I had lost, I told her nothing, nay that cannot be, replied she, for something you have lost, therefore tell me what it is; it is not worth your Ladyships knowing, nor my looking, I replied unto her; thus, I pretended not to regard it; but I so well acted it, that she perceived I was much troubled at it, so that poor Rozele was half in the mind to have restored me my Letter; but in the interim, some strangers knocked at the door, which made her withdraw and leave me there alone.  
I presently got me unto Alister, and gave him an account of what had passed, who concluded our design went on very prosperously. From that time Rozele made me perceive she had as much passion for me, as I for her: If at any time she called for any thing, Palinte was the man (for that was the name I had assumed when first I came into the house) All her pleasure and delight was to talk with me, and to command me, and all my joy was to see and obey her.  
Rozel's Mother was not over heedful in watching of her Daughter, but would oftentimes leave her at whom, when as herself went abroad, either to take the air, or to her devotions, being well assured I suppose, of her Daughter's discretion.  
Now it happened upon a cetain day, that the good Mother was gone abroad, and in the interim I came in from the Town. Alistor came and opened the door, and withal told me, that Rozelle was left at home alone, that she had called for me two or three times, and that he thought she then was in the room over the Gatehouse, to watch my coming in. You ravish me, said I, with this good news, but however let us first go to our Chamber, before I go to her, for one of my sleeves is torn, and had need be repaired. In we went, and I perceived Rozelle looking into the Hall through a lattice-window, yet I took no notice of it, but went on directly to our Chamber to shut the door, Alistor helped me off with my Doublet, and I sat me down in a chair, for the truth is, I was weary with walking. I had then on my Naples shirt, with the Order of St. Jaques upon it wrought all with Cold and Silk, very rich, and being in this posture, I perceived some body at the door, looking in through the key hole; at which instant I gave Alistor the signal agreed upon between ourselves, at which he was to respect me as occasion should require: presently he was uncovered, and standing by me, I began to talk in this manner unto him. Alistor, I have had sufficient experience of thy fidelity and valour; nor art thou unacquainted with the passion and service I have vowed unto Rozele, which however I dare not discover unto her, no more than my Quality, until such time as my affairs are in a better posture. Notwithstanding I am much perplexed least in the interim, I might be engaged in her affection to my prejudice; for I am resolved to have a past or two with some of those Gallants, who are ever and anon expressing their passions, either in Music, or Verses, at her Window: The truth is, I can no longer endure it, I must and will set them further off, which I believe might be done without any noise, for that no one will suspect it is any of the house.  
I had no sooner said so, but up I risen, and walking very soberly over the Chamber, I gave Rozele time enough to retire from the door, for I verily believed it was she, knowing of what an inquisitive disposition she was.  
She who had heard all my discourse, and was not a little alarmed at it; presently sent one to call me, intending by some way or other, to divert me from the design I pretended to have: I put on my clothes and followed her into the Garden whether she went: I waited on her with the same respect I had always used; She sat down on a green Bank, and commanded me to sit by her: I made my excuses unto her in the best terms I could, I told her I was both ashamed and confused, at the great honour she did me, but that I could not withal forget my condition: You may do as you please, Signeur Don Fernand, said she, for you are of a condition to command where ever you are: Oh God said I, with a great sigh, and fetching two paces backward, as in a fright; no, no, said she, all that serves now for nothing, you are discovered, we know who you are, notwithstanding all your inventions; but we have great cause to complain of you for concealing yourself so long, by which means we have been deficient in paying those respects due to your Quality, but seeing it is a fault of your own, we hope you will excuse it in us.  
Whilst she was still talking, I pretended to be surprised with her discourse: Mean you me Madam, said I? Yet Sir, yourself: Look, look you there's that which hath discovered you, see the Letter you lost t'other day, for which you looked so up and down, and with that gave me the Letter: I received it, shrugging my shoulders, and confessed it truth; After several Compliments, she entreated me to tell her the occasion of my disguise, whereupon I told her a Tale which I had at my finger's ends; and had formerly served my turn to put a trick upon Annetta my Hostess' Daughter. Your Ladyship may be pleased to understand that I served a Lady of the Court, more out of Gallantry than any good will; Now one of the greatest Knights of Spain made addresses to her at the same time, and although he was a person of great honour and worth, yet could he not obtain any kindness from her, yet was she very free of her favours to me who deserved them not, in regard I did not really affect her: The Knight became jealous of me, and having his spies abroad, took me one night as I as discoursing with her at her Window; he presently fell upon me, and though in himself a very stout man, and well attended; yet it was his misfortune to fall dead on the place; His death so dismayed his attendants, that they forsook the body, and left Alistor and myself masters of the field. Now he being, as I told you, a person of quality, and one whose death the King resented: I was forced for the better escaping the hands of Justice, and such inquiries as I knew would be laid out, to disguise myself as your Ladyship now sees. I had not been above two days in this City, before it was my chance to pass by this house, at which time you were then standing in a Window, where you appeared to be such as you really are, a most incomparable Creature: From that moment I found myself a slave, and my liberty quite lost, in so much that I could not live out of your presence. Whereupon I had recourse unto all those inventions which love suggested unto me to ease my passions, and at last found means to be admitted as a servant into the house, for which happiness I should be ever thankful; and that although peradventure by the rigour of the Law I might never be permitted to enjoy so great an honour, yet I should ever think myself dignified, by having been servant to so fair a Mistress. Without this device I had never come near you, but had died without hope of help; for my quality would have kept you on your Guard; the ceremonious part of wooing would have created a thousand obstructions to my undoing, and which was more, my life had been endangered, for that probably Justice might have found me out and seized on me, at least forced me from that City: That then my life's remedy would have been worse than death, for I must then have quitted the sight of yourself, which is the worst of deaths. My only design was to wait on you, until such time as my friends might have appeased his Majesty's anger, that then I might have acquainted you with my name and extraction, but seeing Heaven hath prevented me, and discovered me unto you, I have likewise taken the boldness to let you know the truth of my love, and do beseech and conjure you to accept of my heart, my honour, and whatever wealth I have in the world.  
You may easily persuade yourselves I wanted no sighs to set off my discourse: for the truth is, I was very much in love: Rozelle heard me with such effective demonstrations of passion that it was not without some regret I deceived her as I did. Sir, said she, if your passion be but as true as you have lively represented it, I may then repute myself the happiest person living of my condition, when I find myself courted by a person of your quality: and to let you see how much I am inclined to please you, I shall take upon me to let you know, the obtaining of your desires shall be only limited by the time in which you intent to demand me of my Mother and Uncle, unto whom my Father hath give full power to do as he seethe fit in such affairs, and therewithal roses appeared in her cheeks, which with their Vermilion tincture infinitely increased her beauty, and added new fuel to my flames.  
When I saw Rozelle at the point I so much desired, I entreated her to acquaint her Mother with my condition and quality, that no longer time might be lost, and that then I would manage the rest as I saw occasion. In the midst of our discourse in came her Mother; Rozelle as impatient as myself, presently went to wait upon her, and made her an ample recital of what had passed, who overjoyed with the relation of me, forthwith sought for her brother in Law, to let him know my discovery, and to consider what excuses they should make to me, for not having treated me according to my degree. The Brother in Law was of opinion, that at night when I was retired to my Chamber, they should come and proffer their service to me, and beg my excuse of their ignorance. They did so, and so from that very minute, from a Servant I was declared a Master, and lodged in a very fair rich Chamber. These Ceremonies thus passed, I beseeched them not to discourse any thing of me unto their friends and kindred, or indeed to call me by my own name.  
I passed in this manner about a month after my Metamorphosis from a Servant to a Knight, during which time I received divers honours from Rozelles Mother and Uncle, and from herself many civil favours. Her own converse and the respect I bore unto her, made me perfectly civil; insomuch that I never attempted or requested any thing from her, which was not modest and lawful, to the end I might not infringe the Laws of Hospitality; which deportment of mine did much confirm both them and her in their opinions of my personated Nobility. But in fine, fearing lest some ill Spirit might rise to destroy the structure of my good fortune which I had raised to such a height, I one day pretended to have received a Letter from a friend of mine at the Court, wherein I was informed, that it had pleased his Majesty to grant me his free pardon to return home, and that I was of necessity to go unto Vailladolid, where the Court then was, to give thanks unto the King. At this News all the family seemed to rejoice, especially poor Rozelle, so much were they interested in my affairs. Then I began to look wisely about me, and carried myself very gravely, I told them I could not better acknowledge the kindnesses and obligations I had received from them, then by contracting an alliance with them, and to pay the respects I owed them, by marrying their daughter Rozelle. I had so sooner declared that my intention, but the Uncle and Mother suspecting lest it might be but a copy of my countenance, presently took me at my word, without ask any advice of their friends or kindred, or farther enquiry into my quality or estate, so that they presently got a Licence from the Bishop, and we were married without ask of our Banes. Thus did I satisfy my passion, and settled my fortune, for which I was proffered five thousand pounds certain, besides what might come by succession from her Father & Mother, whose only child she was.  
When I saw myself in possession of so hand some a woman, and so good a fortune, I resolved to turn wise in relation to the management of my estate, and honest, in relation to the obligations I owed unto Rozelle. In this design I consulted with Alistor, as also how we might retire from Sevill, and carry my wife with us, for we concluded it absolutely expedient to take her off from her Mother, lest time might make a discovery of us, and so she might make friends to force both her daughter and fortune out of my hands. After sundry debates it was concluded that Alistor should go before unto Vaillandolid, with such money as we had left, and that he should hire a house, and furnish it the best he could.  
This was put in execution, and when I had received notice of it, I endeavoured to persuade Rozelles Mother and Uncle, that it was convenient for me to carry my wife unto Vailladolid to bring her acquainted with my friends, especially the Duke of— my Brother, that her beauty might plead my excuse, for having married one beneath their quality.  
Both Uncle and Mother thought it very reasonable, whereupon we concluded together that Rozelles five thousand pounds should be paid in unto some Merchant who should return it unto Vailladolid, which was accordingly effected. And for the better carrying on of my disguise, I desired the Uncle would be pleased to take care of the Bills, for that he intended to go along with us, partly to accompany his Niece, and partly to understand my estate and condition. It was not long ere Rozelle took leave of her Mother, unto whom I promised to bring her daughter back within two months, at least to come and wait on her to her daughter's house and estate.  
We took our leaves and came to Vailladolid, we alighted at the house Alistor had hired for me, which to say the truth, was well provided with furniture and the like: The same night I professed an excess of love and kindness unto Rozele, and in fine, I made her acquainted with the whole naked truth, and what means I had used to obtain her: At first she was much astonished at it, but the affection she bore me, was such, and I had gotten such an ascendant over her, that she shown not any the least discontent at it, but resolutely taught me how I might get the rest of her Portion which was still in her Uncle's hands.  
You must not by any means, said she, let my Uncle smell out your deceit before you have made sure of the Bills which are in his custody; but go to him betimes in the morning, before he be stirring, and and then tell him your Brother and you have been at words concerning your Marriage, which he mistrusteth you have made up, more out of passion than reason; and that he upbraideth you with my meanness and poverty; and that you hope to satisfy him of the contrary: First by showing him the Bills of exchange; and then by carrying me to him, by which means he may be persuaded it was not only my Beauty or perfections which engaged you but also my portion and fortune: I am confident he will not refuse you, because the pretence is very fair and specious; however be sure you and Alistor have your Swords by your sides, wherewith to force him, if need be, which may easily be done, seeing he is in your own power; The next thing you do, is to go to the Merchant upon whom the Bills are charged, and get him presently to accept them.  
I admired at the subtlety and quickness of her wit; I kissed her over and over, a thousand times, and at last went to execute what she had advised, in which I succeeded very happily: Her Uncle did not scruple the Bills, the Merchant accepted them, and paid us five hundred pound upon content. I gave Rozele an account of it, who seemed overjoyed; her Uncle all this while knew not one syllable of what had passed; and when he pressed me to bring him unto the Earl my Brother, I told him he was a humour some man, and one that I must soothe up, to work out my own ends, and that in a day or two I doubted not of finding him in a good mood. Thus I put him off from day to day, until at last he received news from my Mother in Law, that his Brother was cast away coming from the Indies, and that his presence would be necessary at home, to settle affairs in order.  
When he had received this sad news for him, though joyful for me, I could not for my life stop him one day longer, but away he would for Sevill; In fine, he took leave of us, as ignorant of my affairs as ever.  
At his arrival at Sevill, he found my Mother in Law very sick, what for the loss of her Husband, and absence of her Daughter, in so much that she followed her Husband in a few days, making me sensible of the truth of the Spanish Proverb, Dulce es la muerte de suegra; A Mother in Laws death is as sweet as Hartichocks and Pease; for she left me in Rozeles right, the Inheritance, and Goods of her house, which amounted unto one hundred thousand Crowns.  
Having thus fixed and settled my fortune by Alistors' help and conduct, it was but reasonable to make him some acknowledgement and reward, for the services he had done me; whereupon I gave him a thousand pounds, wherewith he rested very well contented, and so went off from me.  
Thus Gentle Reader you have seen the issue of my adventures; but for as much as no one can be called happy before his death, I know not whether amidst so many good fortunes, some disaster may not intervean, which may force me to eat sour meat for my sweet sauce, and so compel me to end my last Act like my first.  
Every thing is in the hand of Providence, we cannot foresee what shall be after us; yet for the present I think I may safely say, there are few men in the world, who for happiness may compare with myself. I wish the Heavens long to continue it in the company of my dear Rozele.  
FINIS.   

THE PROVIDENT KNIGHT, OR, SIR PARSIMONIOUS THRIFT.  
BY Don Francisco de Quevedo A Spanish Cavalier.  
LONDON. Printed for H. Herringman, and are to be sold at his Shop at the Golden- Anchor in the New-Exchange, 1657.   

The daily exercise to be observed by the Knights of this Order, for the keeping of their money, when any one shall ask of them by way of Gift, which word is of more terror to them then death itself.  
FIrst of all, He shall at his uprising in the morning, make the sign of the Cross upon his Purse; in the next place upon his Person, that he may repel all such evil spirits as might form any petitionary actions to his prejudice.  
In the second place, He shall devoutly pronounce these words: I do steadfastly resolve and vow, neither to give, lend, or promise any thing whatever, either in thought word or deed: Then he shall recommend himself unto his Angel Guardian, as the Patron of his Order.  
This done, he shall go hear mass, as being thereunto obliged, though it be a working day; for as much as all days are unto him to be kept as holidays, and that he may not think any a working day, but that whereon he is obliged, constrained or forced to give.  
At night whilst he is putting off his clothes to go to bed, he shall give thanks unto God, for having given him the grace to take off his own clothes, and that another doth it not for him; By this means he shall sleep sound, unless the Lice or Fleas chance to awake him.  
When any one comes to visit him, of what Quality soever he be, after the first compliments passed, he shall take some occasion to use these or the like words by way of prevention: Me thinks the whole world is going down the wind, for there are few men now adays, who have so much as ten pound in ready money by them. Next he shall proffer his service and assistance, for those precautionary words will do strange feats, in striking dumb the most brazen Borrowers.  
In case it should so fall out that our Knight be prevented, and the question put to him before he could use the precedent Antidote, he shall then forthwith reply, Alas Sir, I was just coming unto you to have begged the like favour of you, for that I have a small affair in hand, which else will utterly undo me.  
If he be in any company where some one or other may peradventure commend his Ring, Sword, Watch, or any thing else of his, upon design to extract a proffer of it, Sir, our Knights must presently reply, I shall hereafter have a greater esteem for it then ever, seeing it hath deserved your commendation.  
Moreover he ought to be like the Trumpet, which sounds the charge only never the Give fire.  
He ought to have that Term of hawking, Hold well, always imprinted in his memory.  
In case he understand not the Latin tongue, but hath a desire to learn it, he may be permitted to decline the word Accipio, but not Dono.  
The use of any Proverb, but Safe bind, safe find, is utterly forbidden him.  
As also the use of any of these words Free-gift, Whitegift, or any of the like termination, in regard of the last syllable, which ought to be had in great detestation by all of this Order.  
Nor may our Knights so much as offer to lend any thing more than his ear, or attention, and not that neither, but unto pleasant sounds.  
Lastly he ought to remember, how many have miscarried for want of the retentive faculty: That a demand is like a blow on the mouth or the Stomach, for it takes away the speech. With these observations, he may live contentedly until he die.   

Letters of Sir Parsimonious Thrift.  

Unto a Courtesan, who demanded money of him to pay for her Lodgings.  
PHil: Our Souls were not conversing together when you sent me your last dangle tailed Messenger, else you would not have taken a better time than you did: for I was then looking over my accounts, particularly how things stood between you and me, when I find I have laid out more than ever I received of you: And just as I was thus reprehending my own prodigality, in came your Emissary with a new request of an hundred pounds to pay your house-rent forsooth. I no sooner read that your horrible compliment, but I had like to have fallen backwards; A hundred pounds Phil? what is become of thy Judgement? Or dost thou not know, unto whom thou writest? Sure thou takest me for some Atabalipa. The very reading of such another Letter, were enough to make an end of me. No, no, hereafter I'll turn over a new leaf, I'll satisfy my sanguine complexion, and yet withdraw myself from those deadly perplexities, into which thou drivest me; Yes, I'll hereafter court an Indian, who knows no other Lodging but the fields, nor other house but a Cave. You shall see me reduce my words into action ere the end of this May, the longest time I have allotted unto myself, lest the terms of your letter and house might terminate my days before the Term.   

To another who refused to play with him because he had no more money.  
A Lice, I am verily persuaded you knew the depth of my stock, when I first became acquainted with you, for you have just proportioned your favours to the number of my pieces; At the same time that my money was spent your kindnesses vanished: I never yet saw an account better cast up, for I have not received one bare six penny kindness, more than my money came to: Hang me if thou art not a severe Gamestress, to deal thus with me; At least seeing my money is gone, deal with me upon Pawns, for with good husbandry, which I intent hereafter to follow, I am confident my Cloak, Doublet and Breeches, may support me for some longer time: Prithee therefore keep touch with me at play, until I am quite naked, and then I shall retire myself, glorying in my greatest misery, and shall manifest to all the world the excess of my charity in your behalf, whilst I unclothe myself to cover you.   

Another Letter on the same subject.  
HOw Joan, what Casuist is it that hath read thee this severe Lecture? What mortification hath since yesterday betid thee? In good earnest, as often as I read over the Letter I received from you this morning, I cannot tell whether or no I do not dream, or whether I am in my own senses: You tell me it is a holy season, and that your neighbours grumble that your Mother and Aunt do bait you day and night; Your Sister falls out with you upon my score; and at last you remonstrate unto me, that I could not imagine our pleasures would always last: Then you descend, beseeching me to forbear coming more unto you, and tell me, it is but reasonable to dedicate some part of our lives unto God. Prithee Joan what's the meaning of all this? Is the Devil turned Friar? to what end dost thou treat me with such a Dialect, after thou hast sucked out the last drop of my blood, eaten me to the very bones, and consumed the quintessence of my Purse: Ah wicked Girl that thou art; whilst I had wherewithal to support the excess of your debauches, than you could never tell me the season was holy, or that the neighbours took notice of you: Then not a word of that accursed Mother of yours: Oh how complying was that damned Aunt of thine, and that Devil thy Sister, as long as my money lasted: Ah God knows how I have supplied their necessities? I have often thought upon it, when I saw myself between you four, I verily conceited myself to be between two Armies ready to give battle, or in a Clock Cage, whilst the Alarm was ringing, for I could hear nothing on one side, but Give on, give on, give on, give on; and on the t'other side nothing but Give me, give me, give me: But a present I thank my necessity; for she it is that delivers me from all those terrors: and who of Bawds and Whores, that you were, hath made you turn Penitents; so that when I regard my empty Purse, I am sometimes intending to send you the strings of it for a Discipline: Really I cannot forbear laughing, when I reflect on those words of yours: That we ought to dedicate the small remainder of our lives unto God; whereas I prithee to whom canst thou more lawfully devote them unto Lucifer. As for that your request of my not coming to you any more, I give you my word you shall find me very exact in obeying it, for I am not so uncivil as not to observe your directions in that particular as command.  
I shall conclude with giving you a little good advice, in case you be truly sensible of the remorse of your conscience, and that you really intent to be a convert: You must then think of making me some restitution of the unjust gain you have made of me; By this means you may probably win me to follow your example, and to repent my passed life: As for the rest, we shall sue each other in Purgatory, in case you take your Journey that way; for if you should go to Hell, as most likely you must, I do here declare unto you, That I then surcease my suit, for that it were madness in me to prosecute the Law against you, in a Court where your Mother, Sister and Aunt, are all great Officers.   

A pleasant denial to an importunate Lady of Pleasure.  
Florence,  
AFter a due consideration of what Answer I should give you in return of those many things you desire me, I have found no style more proper than the Laconic, or indeed more fit than the usual answer we make unto poor Beggars, God keep you, I have not at present any thing for you. I was at first much surprised at the novelty of this encounter, I knew indeed there was a kind of Friar's Mendicants abroad in the world, but I never yet heard of any such order of Nuns. I pray therefore cease giving yourself the trouble of making any more such requests unto me, which will assuredly work no other effect then that of making me shun your company, there being nothing in the world of more power to keep me chaste then when I am constrained to part with my money; And so God keep you my friend, I have not at this time any thing to bestow upon you.   

He thought he had gotten a Mistress who would not have asked any thing of him, but he is deceived in Tobee.  
MEssalina, I had written unto a friend of mine the story of my good fortune in this City; and coming to speak of you, I told him I had a Mistress so beautiful and complete, that she never asked any thing of me: But I now find myself mistaken, for your late Letter contains not a word which is not a demand; did you but know what an affliction it is unto me, I am confident you would have altered your theme, for to tell you the truth, there is so perfect an union between my money and me, that it is impossible to separate us, without destroying me, much less, would it be a means to preserve me. Nor is there any Hell to me like that of parting with my money: You may then fix somewhere else, for you are not like to finger any of my coin; moreover I would have you know, that I have hitherto sinned only by accident, that in future, I intent my continence shall pay the interest of my Treasury.   

He promiseth to live honest that he may save his money.  
I Have found you sometimes so pleasantly disposed, that you have said, I need not be troubled when you demand any thing of me, for that you do it with a far greater regret in regard you thereby become obliged; the Borrower being the Lender's slave. For my part, I do not understand the power of your Arguments, rather my reason tells me quite contrary. For I evidently see that in our Commerce, take it to all intents and purposes, I spend much more than you, and that you only take and receive. Where you say you treat me like a friend, and that you do not press me, I pray know I am no more of your opinion in this particular then in the former, for instead of a friend I find you a Pirate, and that you press me so nearly, that you leave me only a part of myself, and that very dry too: Whence it appears your Avarice and Lust are both alike insatiable.  
Let every one therefore shift for himself. Do you fancy that you asked not any thing of me, and I'll do the like. The best way I know for us both to keep the Commandments, is for me to keep my money in my purse: I shall therefore endeavour so to do, with hopes to bring you into a way of Salvation, and therein shall testify unto you, that I love my neighbour as myself.   

He abuseth one who would have had him promise to marry her.  
FLora, You have in one single word made me clearly see, that both my honour and estate are upon the rack, and ready to expire, for your late demand that I would marry you, is like the extreme Unction to a dying man. Prithee deal ingenuously with me, thou pretty Ape, and tell me what so great moderation or patience didst thou ever see in me, that thou shouldst covet me to be thy husband? Questionless you are mistaken in my Physiognomy; I assure myself, I have the countenance of a Bachelor, and the experience of a widower; withal I am so given to change, that two brace of women are hardly enough to serve my turn above a week. But to return to your discourse, I conceive by the nature of your request, you were thereunto carried rather out of revenge, than any desire of my race; and for Cod's sake tell me, what have I ever committed, which could entice thee to design so great a mischief against me? No, no, Flora you must look out else where to serve your turn. I am not yet so weary of my life as to abandon myself to so severe and rigorous a penance, If I should at any time feel the remorse of my conscience, I shall then wed my body unto a Hermit's weed: For to prevent that, which usually befalls those who marry women, I have made a vow never to have any one to succeed me, and I protest to you, I resolve to persist in this resolution, until such time, as there shall be some Committee established for the redemption of ill married people, as there is already for the delivery of Christian slaves from Algeon.   

Unto a Lady of Pleasure, who had demanded money of him to bestow in charitable uses upon the holy week.  
GIlian, Alms are acts of charity, when bestowed out of ones own money, but when they are given out of another's goods, they are rather an act of cruelty than compassion, nor is God well pleased with them. Dear child I had much rather testify my affection to thee by mouth then by my purse. I must needs confess it is a holy season, but the request you make me is sinful, and I must needs acknowledge myself to be a miserable sinner. Do but consider then, how all these things can hold together: To my apprehension they seem inconsistent. So God keep you.   

Unto one who desired him to hire a chamber for her to see a Bull-bayting.  
I Strange Silvia, that you should send unto me to provide you a Chamber to see a Bull-baiting, for is there any combat more worth your seeing then that of us two, yourself ask and me denying? What could you expect to carry home, but a diziness in your head, and what could I expect but to be angry at myself, for having laid out my money to make you sick. No, no, Silvia, I love you better than so: I would have you laugh at such mocqueries, regard them not, but as so many Pagan feasts, where nothing besides beasts were sacrificed: Possibly some man or other may miscarry there, would that be a sight worthy your beholding? for shame, hereafter learn to avoid all such public May-games, which for the most part are full of noise and confusion. Suppose you were there, why but one hour after your diversion would be nothing, and which is worse, I should have somewhat the less money left in my Purse.   

To one that railed on him on company.  
FAustina, you would have received greater content, had you had me under a Coverlet the other day, when you brought me upon the Stage, as I have been told you did. For I heard you jeered at my retentive faculties, but this is to inform you, that at the very same time, we were employed in the self same thing, for I was just then railing upon you. So now, we may cry quits. I am told you found a thousand faults with my person, that my body is none of the best made, that my feet stunk insupportably, and that my nose did little better; and than you fell to compare me to things of your own imagination, sometimes this and sometimes that. I am not angry at the liberty you take to abuse me, nor shall you ever provoke my choler, provided you do not finger my money.   

He desireth a Curtisan's charity.  
LAmia, You have acquired so great a reputation of being charitably inclined to relieve the necessities of such as are in want, that I have from thence taken the boldness to beseech you to exercise that virtue in my behalf. I am a poor shamefaced Lover, one who dare not discover my infirmity, but unto such well disposed persons as yourself. Unto you then I have presumed to make my addresses, for easing of my pain. In case you have a mind to do me any good office, I prithee Lamia let it be done in the night, at least in such a place, where none but yourself may know my indigencies, for that is the only true way of exercising Charity indeed.   

To one which begged of him a Collation.  
AFrania, you have sent unto me, desiring me to provide a Collation for you this afternoon, that you may enjoy yourself with some other Ladies, whom you intent to visit; as also that I would not speak unto any one of it: For answer I assure you I shall be so exact and punctual in obeying that last part of your Injunction, that the very Cook himself, the Confectioner, no nor the Fruiterer shall ever know a word of it. Why prithee Afrania, it is not enough that you eat me out in the Dinners and Suppers, but you must also devour me in Collations, and fiddle faddles? Hereafter learn and deny yourself those superfluous Mummets, and fast for the expiation of your sins. It is now a full year, two months, three days, and one hour and half, that you have eat upon my account, not only you, but two of your assosciates, your Brother and your little Page; I'm sure you have made me as dry as March-dust: therefore I prithee in future forbear that little flesh which is left me, that the worms may find some glean upon my bones, after I am laid in the Churchyard, else I shall have nothing to pay for my Lodging there.   

A Refusal upon another Request.  
Poppaea, if my refusal of sending you the Stuff you have so often desired, had only served to make me admire the power of your Genius, you ought to have rested well satisfied; for I must needs confess, though it be still one and the same thing you request of me; cannot but be ravished to think, that in eight day's time you have sent me above thirty Letters, all of different stile and expression: really you are bound to give God thanks for those excellent parts he hath bestowed upon you. But notwithstanding all these commendations of mine, of which I shall and must be very liberal in your behalf; yet give me leave to tell you, that had you laid out in stuff all the money which it cost you in Paper, Ink and Wax, Silk to seal your Letters, and small pence for your Porters, you had eased me of a grand trouble, and had not so unprofitably thrown away those flowers of your flourishing soul: However, I still forbear to send it unto you, in regard it would now seem rather extorted then given: I beseech you therefore rest contented with my acknowledgements of the perfections, and with the praise which I shall ever pay unto your worth.   

A Courtesans complaint against our Thrifty Knight.  
IN fine my good Knight, you have discovered yourself; and I perceive your stuff was marred in the making: In fine I say, you have let me see of what condition you are, and evidently confirmed unto me that you are the most fickle of all men: Had I when you first haunted me, believed my friends, you had not now had the trouble of hearing my complaints against your treachery. However, I shall not want either courage or occasions of revenging myself; I am told you have met with a good fortune, and because I know her, I cannot but admire at your great judgement: I advise you therefore to knock out of her as many as you can: I assure you I shall do the like, in hopes of making some as good as yourself.   

The Answer.  
HOwever Poppea, my Loom and Shuttle are still left me, though you have so near shaved me, that I must confess I have hardly a thread left to begin upon; but what remedy? The Dice are cast, and sometimes it is not amiss to sit down a loser for fear of a greater blow: I must needs acknowledge the Title of Changeling you are pleased to bestow upon me, does well, but it might more properly have been assumed by yourself; for that you have made my best goods change their Master, by transporting them into your own Lodging, and that with such ease as if they had only gone from me to their own true Centre. I am equally sorry with you, that you did not believe your Mother and Aunt, at the first time of our acquaintance; I wish you had, for thereby we might both of us have been great gainers, but especially myself: for their sake hereafter, thus, if I chance to make love unto any one, it shall be my first enquiry what relations my Mistress hath, for indeed I had much rather she were a kin to the French disease then such a Mother and Aunt: The first is now a days easily cured, but the second mortals, so cankerous they are, that indeed they eat the very strings of one's Purse: The fear of that is the thing which hath made your house odious and abominable unto me, in so much, that if you would any more see me, you must expel those two Harpies from you; conjure, away those two Devils which have gotten such absolute possession of you: Nor indeed would I wed a whole Tribe to enjoy only one Mistress: Besides, I pray remember, never any Pilot split twice upon one and the Rock; nor will I ever make choice of another Mistress, but one who shall give you more cause of envy then contempt.   

In Answer to a Courtesan that desired some New fashioned Dressing of him.  
LYcasta, When as I verily believed we were the mutual objects of each others affections; in that instant I began to perceive were Rivals and Compettors in affection, as to my Purse; but I dare assure you, you can never out go me in that particular: my passion for my Purse being not to be compared, especially when I consider it to be the only friend that never fail'●●e.  
Whilst I reflect on the many good Offices my Purse hath done me, me thinks there is not any object on the earth which can more captivate me then it; in so much that I verily believe, were I to die in the service of it, I should encounter it with a good will: You would ever persuade me, that I was the only thing in the world you best loved; but if you would have me really believe it, you must surcease the mentioning of your new A la mode trifles, and forbear naming such toys unto me, else you will make me conclude you are a child and in love with every Rattle: In case you cannot take up yourself, nor contain your longing; Prithee do not take such pains to dissemble it; but tell me the naked truth, and instead of calling me in your Letters, My Life, my Joy, my Heart, and my Eyes, express me by those things you most affect: call me thy Twenty shillings piece, thy Jacobus, thy half Crown, and thy Angel, And because I see you are not perfectly acquainted with my humour; I must needs let you know, that I am most affected with those flatteries which cost me least; and that the best cheap are always my best beloved: Every thing which causeth expense is death to me, nor can I look upon a Beggar without horror. Let us therefore leave off naming the word money, as if there were no such thing; but let us make love like Shepherds: But in case you cannot leave of writing in such a stile as may be pleasing unto me, yet let me obtain this favour from you; that you will forbear to write in guilt Paper, or in golden Characters.  
LAis, Though your Letter contain a thousand impertinent demands▪ such as cannot sort with my humour; yet I have found good divertion in it: it hath not indeed made me a jot more liberal than I was, but hath at least made a more contemplative man than I was: I am infinitely pleased with the diversity of those things you desire of me; nor can I forbear admiring at those sundry rarities of the Creator, who hath bestowed such variety on nature: I pray do as I do, imitate me, content yourself with the contemplation of them, and do not regard the possession, for indeed the value of the most precious things consisteth more in opinion and fancy then any thing else. Those toys of which you writ unto me, are so many, that I profess I am puzzled to carry them in my memory; more by half then I can be to keep my money in my Purse.   
FINIS.