THE Rebels almanac: CALCULATED For the Use of all Loyal Subjects within these his Majesties Realms and Dominions.  
Wherein is Discovered, A New Nest of Old Monsters; With all their secret wicked, and Treasonable Conspiracies, horrid Plots, and bloody Combinations, both against KING and KINGDOMS.  
Likewise, the Charge, judgement, and Impeachment, against politic Lambert, Seal-keeper Lisle, Blooms-bury Martin, Blind-beetle main, Bloody Holland, and the London-Apprentiees Circumcizing Pennington; who for all their abominable Treasons and murders, are to receive their just Reward, and Wages of Death, at Tower-Hill and the Gallows.  
London, Printed for George Horton, 1660.   

The REBELS almanac Calculated.  
AFter I had almost made an end of my Travail, and Moneys, which did expire much about the same period of time, I resolved myself for a return into my Native country England; but moneys being very scarce, I thought it not amiss to visit France, hoping that there Fortune might be so friendly to me, that I might there light upon some of my acquaintance, whose civil humanity might supply my present wants, and enlarge my condition to a better ability of reaching my intended home. But I was no sooner entred into Paris, but the very first Object which presented itself to my view was John Lisle Esq; formerly( when Rebellion and its Instruments prospered) adored by the Title of the Lord Lisle, one of so famous a tincture, that his colour admits of no other die: He is a very Knave in grain, and you know a double die will hardly slain: But I shall not trouble you with any further description of him, because he hath left a public Testimony of his Goodness and Merits to the World. After some small interview of each other, he demanded of me my Name and country; I answered, my Name was Astrologus, my country England. Then, said he, you have Skill in telling of Fortunes. That Art, Sir, and please you, is the best Fortune I have now left me, since you and the rest of your Brothers Harpy's rendered me as naked to live in the world, as I was brought into it. Well! but to the purpose; if thou hast any judgement in those Secrets of Nature, let me share with thee.  Astrol. 
Before I untrust my Art unto you, you must untrust your purse-strings; for I cannot whistle without a Silver Pipe: But, Sir, I will trust to your bounty, I know you are as free, as honest, and will pay others their Wages, as you do expect yours: Let me see your hand.  Lisle. 
Why my hand?  Astrol. 
Sir, my way of satisfying men and their desires, is performed by that part which is known by the Name of the Chichomantick Art.  Lisle. 
There 'tis: And what do you discover?  Astrol. 
Um! Um! Your Table is very foul; very full of Spots and Faults.  Lisle. 
Leave off your Circumstances, and inform me what your Opinion of me is, and what you can discover by this your Inspection.  Astrol. 
To deal truly with you, for I must speak the truth; you are of a strange Factious and Rebellious constitution, your Figure and Tables speaks you Guilty of Conspiracy, Treason, and Murder, and your Line of Life tells me, that you saved yourself by flight, and that you found one pair of legs worth two pair of Hands, and that by the wings of fear, you outstripped Justice.  Lisle. 
Sir, I presume your skill in physic is not inferior to this you profess in this Art, for they are assistants one to the other; and I finding my Body much distempered since my coming into this Air, desire to know, whether for the preservation of my health it were not my better course to return into England.  Astrol. 
No Sir, not by any means; your return will be a certain means to shorten your dayes, for without all doubts the English Air and Climate are enemies to bodies of your Temper, and cannot by any means concur and agree with your constitution: So farewell Sir, for I am bound for England.  Lisle. 
Nay Sir take your reward along with you, and I give you many thanks for your advice, which I shall endeavour to observe; and I pray Sir let me entreat you to give a visit at your residence in England to some of my Brethren, whose doubtful condition will desire satisfaction as well as mine.  Astrol. 
If by your instructions you shall direct me how I shall obtain a View and Discourse with them, I shall with all fidelity satisfy your desires unto me.  Lisle. 
They were formerly known by the name of the Good Old Cause, but of late distinguished by the Title of The Rumpers; then they ruled as public Members of In-●ustice, but since they have retired themselves, and have now taken close Lodgings; they very seldom or never go abroad, so that you may have access and conference with them at any hour of the day: The names of those to whom I shall commend your judgement, are, Vane, Hasilrig, Lambert, Hacker, Ax●ell, Isaac Pennington, Martin, Holland, and main.  Astrol. 
So soon as I arrived in England, I made enquiry where these Birds were cloistered, which when I discovered this chirping in many places, so to their several habitations I made my Address to hear what music they made in their Cages. My first appearance was to Vane, as whose deservance, I found in a very melancholy study, but when he heard of his old competitor and partner Lisle, he admitted me into Discourse with him, and to Court me as followeth.  Vane. 
I understand that you came from one of our special friends and acquaintance, to whom you have given very good satisfaction by way of your Art, I pray let me desire the like from you: Pray what think you of my Hand?  Astrol. 
Horrid; Oh, horrid! Here is a Bloody Table, died and stained into a Crimson complexion.  Vane. 
I see no Redness at all.  Astrol. 
No, you are like the mob, blind in the discovery of your own faults, but I can perceive it plainly, it is not ordinary blood which casts the slain, but Royal Blood, a Princes Blood, and he one of the best Princes too.  Vane. 
It was not I alone that did act in that horrid business and murder.  Astrol. 
No, you were not alone; but many more did join with you, but you were one of the grand contrivers of that mischief, the great Wheel by which the lesser did move, whose bloody designs had scarce taken effect, without your council and countenance; besides the blood of many more speaks guilt within the Book of your Hand; your blood is very corrupt and foul, and therefore must speedily be taken away.  Vane. 
I am too old to bleed now, and it would be ill advice of my Doctor, and argue his ignorance, if he should bleed me at this age.  Astrol. 
I find that without the prescription and help of your Doctor you must speedily bleed, without all question, you will very suddenly receive a cut or wound in the Neck, which will cause a great Flux of blood, and will endanger( if not quiter take away) your life.  Vane. 
What do you find in my Brothers Table?  Hasilrig. 
Pray Sir let me have the benefit of your Art also.  Astrol. 
I find that you have a very great appetite, and that at one time you can swallow down a whole great bishopric and never flinch at it. This Line discovers you to be a man of a fiery temper, and one who is able to fire a whole kingdom, to whom neither Treason nor Murder can raise any scr●ple of Conscience; and that this City should have been made the sub ect of your flames, if not timely prevented.  Hasilrig. 
Can your Art discover nothing else?  Astrol. 
Yes Sir: I find by the Line which crosses the middle of your Palm, that within some few months you will stumble at Tower-hill, and there end your dayes. Master Lambert you expect to be Resolved also.  Lambert. 
I do Sir.  Astrol. 
If my Art deceives me not, your Table betrays you to be an earnest and bitter enemy against Monarchy, endeavouring to set up aristocracy, or some other Power more degenerate, wherein yourself would be chief Commander, and rule the roast with the Brothers of your conspiracy the Independents, Anabaptists, and Q●akers.  Lamb. 
What reward shall I expect for all my service which I have done in the wars?  Astrol. 
You shall be rewarded, and sufficiently too; but I find that your wages will be paid you by a Mrs. whom you never served, whose name is Justice: and I would advice you( for you have been tampering with them too much already) to forbear meddling with Guns, for fear your deserved end comes by the burst of a Gun.  Hacker. 
Have I deserved nothing for all my service, doth my table promise no reward for all my great deservings?  Astrol. 
Yes Sir, I find that your deservings shall be paid in your own coin, and because that you were very instrumental in promoting that villainous and most execrable murder against t●e Royal person of our late Sacred sovereign, and in case he should have refused to have submitted to that impious sentence, that then you were furnished with Cords in your pocket, to have enforced him thereunto: A little of the extraction of Hemp shall be your reward, and you shall be hanged in one of your own Haltars. Here's another as good as the rest, what would you Sir?  Axtel. 
I desire your resolve as well as the rest.  Astrol. 
You shall have it, and brief; for your table doth very plainly and easily discover itself: Here you may behold the bloody character writ in your hand, and in as large a Letter: Which signifies, that the fact was not commirted in hast or hot blood; and this also demonstrates, that as you killed others in could blood, so you shall lie imprisoned, until the hardship of the Prison begets in you a sense of your foul actions, then also shall you perish by the sword: A just reward for wilful Murtherers, and Villains.  Now having dispatched my Tower-birds, I took my walk into the city, where I was soon espied by that sneaking Decoy of the City, Isaac Penington, and he also must have a taste of my skill, and thus be accosts me. Penningt. 
Dear friend Astrologus, you are welcome from your travels, how have you done since your departure?  Astrol. 
As well as a bide could do that was plucked alive, and stripped of all his feathers.  Penningt. 
But they are grown again since your departure, and are now very fair and full.  Astrol. 
They were replenished by a sovereign hand, who is as able to reward you according to pour deservings, as to repair my sufferings.  Penningt. 
Now you talk of a hand, pray look into my hand, and tell me what I must expect for my nineteen years service?  Astrol. 
This Cross-line shows, that you were always a cross-grained peevish fellow; that you were one that circumcised the Apprentices Hair in London first; and that you were the greatest Enemy to Orthodox Ministers; and which is a most notorious commitment of folly and knavery in you, that notwithstanding you had been Lord Mayor, although by a false and finister way, and had continued so long in the gainful place and power of the Good Old Cause, yet deceived your Creditors of many thousand pounds.  Penning. 
These are but small faults, in comparison to those which have been committed by others; and therefore sir, pray resolve me, if I may not obtain Pardon for them.  Astrol. 
Had they not been accompanied with any other of a more foul and black Nature they might have been pardonned; but, as the Case stands, you must share with the rest, murder cries for Vengeance, and the Wrongs committed against your country, cry for Justice; so take him Jaylor. Yonder approaches Harry Martin, smoking out of a Bawdy-house, I wonder how the devil they come to meet so happily, & save me a labour to seek them. Here's Holland and Meyn too, all which expect my blessing, and they shall have it as the rest had; Your business with me Mr. Holland?  Holland. 
Sir, I am much troubled to think what event our business may come to; we are in a very tottering condition, and do not stand fast and firm.  Astrol. 
No, brave Holland, you are not in a tottering condition as yet, but may very suddenly; when all things are prepared, you shall be lifted on high; but you must have a care that your fall be not too dangerous.  Holland. 
Why Sir? What have I done, that I should fear falling; but if my condition were as feeble and as weak as Harry Martin's, I should fear I should fall, and never rise again.  Astrol. 
I find that you are one of Actaeon's bloody Family, who first were fed from their Masters Table, and afterwards they fed upon his blood: Now sir, you know how that Cur must be served which devours and kills his Master: The Case is yours, and you may be your own Judge, and save a Jury a labour.  main. 
Sir, a poor blind Rumper desires some Light of Reason from you; one who never had wit enough to be a Knave, yet was thought worthy to be a Justice of the Peace of the Rump.  Astrol. 
Indeed, I find by your Table, that you are like the Jack-Daw among the Rooks, yet were endowed with a stubborn and resolute Obstinacy to do mischief, and that you were rather lead by your Will then Reason; and because the Proverb says Justice ought to be blind, you thought yourself most fit to sit in the Chair.  main. 
Is there no hope of Remission from these our faults and misdemeanours?  Astrol. 
None; for if you should not be rewarded according to the merit of your deserving, you would complain that Justice were as blind as your Worship; but I think you will have no cause to complain of her light weight, or short measure unto you. See Harry Martins comes to take a taste of my Office; you expect the same Resolve your friends have had before.  Martin. 
I should think myself much injured if I should be slighted, and not have the same notice taken of me, as the rest of our Members have: I am sure we were all Members of the ●ame B●dy, and did all row in one Boat together.  Astrol. 
Be not angry friend, your desires shall be satisfied; let me see your hand. Here. I find that you are in the same praemunire with the rest, that you are as deep dipped in gore, as guilty of the public Distractions, Rapines, and murders, committed by your Brother Rumpers: And finally, that you were as guilty of their unjust Proceedings as the rest: So that unless you are super●eded by your old Friend t●e Frevchman, which hath been a sure Associate to you this many years, you must sing the same Song, and act the same Tragedy with the rest of your Fraternity: Sir,  Exit Martin. 
Then We must be content, for 'tis too late  
To pervert Justice, or to alter Fate:  
And what j●st Heaven decrees must be obeyed,  
And cannot be by sinful flesh gain-said.  
FINIS.