THE SECOND CHARACTER OF Mercurius Politicus.  
— Pudet haec opprobria Needham,  
Et dici potuisse & non potuisse refelli.  
MErcurius Politicus is our Sir Roger the School-master, playing at Tre-trip.  
It is the third foot of our State-Tripos, from whence you are to expect, the Oracles and wit of the Common-wealth: Or rather he is the Cerberus of Hell with those three heads of Britannicus, Pragmaticus, and Politicus, howling against Religion, barking against Monarchy, and biting wheresoever he can get a dinner.  
Thus being but one dunghil-cock, yet he makes up the number of a Battell-Royall, and fights it with himself with two or three Clinches to jingle like Bells in his coxcomb.  
Vitellius had a Dish provided at an entertainment, in which was nothing but the brains of Pheasants, and tongues of Phaenicepteri. This on the contrary is a Biske made of the brains and tongues of Vipers and Aspicks, and served up in the Platter of our Mercuries mouth.  
'Tis the iliac Passion of a wit overturned, who straining for a conceit, doth void his own Excrements upward.  
After all this I must avow him to be a most ingenious Person, and the greatest friend to Justice that I know, for he doth onely upbraid weekly the blockishness and sloth of our Nation, that suffers such a Monster to live within it.  
Thus we speak promiscuously of his book and him, for why should we separate that near relation? and being to dress the devil like Cooke-Ruffian, we choose to scald him in his Feathers.  
Or if you will like the Ox, now at Saint James his Faire, we will roast him whole, and pin him over with his own Politicusses.  
But let every other person exercise his invention, and fury upon him, in what manner he pleases. What he may expect from me is, that shall be so branded, that no Romish Sacrament could give him so indelible a Character.  
I will shave him, and pounce the Letters in underneath his Periwig. I will writ him all over so thick, that he shall be fit to be hanged up in a Library like an Homers Iliads upon the skin of a Serpent.  
Not that I interest myself in his quarrel with Sir balthasar Gerbier, against whom he bears so implacable a malice, onely because he thought him not worthy to be the rhetoric Lecturer in his Academy.  
Nor that it offends me particularly to hear his bitterness against the Scots, it being so natural a thing to see an ass eat Thistles.  
Much less will I set up this Paper-standard to the royal party, if there be any such thing left in our Nation. For I know that Politicus is now a Mercury of his word, and will perform punctually the Articles of his Agreement.  
Onely out of a just resentment, and the universal Cause, I have once more taken upon me the office to remember him in the Triumphs of his pen, that he is but mortal.  
For whither else would the Pride and Impudence of this fellow carry him? who imagines that he hath now totally vanquished the Independent, Royal, and Presbyterian Parties, and accordingly hath assumed the Titles of Britanicus, Pragmaticus, and Politicus, as the Roman Emperours did the names of the Nations they had conquered?  
How fit a medal his Face would make in brass, where he should add the third time of his mercurial in stead of the Consular power, and at the conclusion P. P. for Pragmaticus and Politicus as they did for Pater Patriae.  
For even this Title too the saucy Pedant pretends to, and therefore writes himself Mercurius Politicus in defence of the Common-wealth. What doth he say? of the Common wealth? Rather in Defence of Pepper, and assistance of Virginia Tobacco.  
God forbid that our Common-wealth should ever be reduced to such a Defendor. I have heard it indeed said of England, that it is walld in with the Sea, and that Friar Bacon should have walld it with brass, but this is that miraculous Engineer whom we onely wanted to wall it about with diurnal.  
For this is all the defence and Patronage which he affords us against all the Princes of Europe, whom as much as in him is, he hath drawn about our ears, speaking of them with the same liberty, as if they had been drunk and in a Bawdyhouse together, upon one of whom the clownish Coward durst not once attempt to look if they were present.  
Thus he thinks that as one King of the Persians was elected by the neighing of an horse, so now all the Christian entrails may be deposed by the braying of an ass, and that of Master Balaam Politicus.  
And for the most learned men of his Age, they serve but to carry his Pamphlets after him, and Salmasius and Master Hobbs conclude his Triumph, whom he hath confuted in one sheet, as well as a thousand, like a Veni, Vidi, Vici.  
So caesar triumphed in three words, and so our Mercury doth in four, Exit Tyrannus Regum Ultimus.  
O'tis a Pithy Poet! and fit to continue the Mottos for such a piece of Architecture.  
But there is a necessity in it, that the best writers should be answered by him in one sheet: Seeing as his wit is always tired in the first half page., So for the most part all his Stock and Credit can scarce furnish him with so much in Gray-Paper.  
This whole sheet it seems is a new kind of Torture, with which he threatens the world, but something like the Bed of that Robber whom he imitates in racking writers of a shorter dimension unto its length, but meeting with Taller men, he cuts off as much of them as reaches beyond it.  
But O! it is a sheet-fulminant, and our Bedlam-Antichrist thinks that with it, as by one of the Romish Bulls, he can depose Monarchs, and interdict kingdoms.  
How is it then that I may hope for that honour which he promiseth me, that I too shall be answered in a whole sheet? But indeed, to speak to his capacity, he may well allow me a whole Sheet, who have already presented him with a pair of Blankets, and I think tost him in them.  
And as far as I perceive the State likes it very well, and rather then want the sport, would hold up at one of the corners, it being indeed but too slight a torment for that dog, whom they entertained not to tear open again, but to lick over the wounds and sores of the Commonwealth.  
For what can he expect otherwise? there being not in all History the example of one man, who by such qualities could make himself a fortune. Onely the Emperour Rudolphus his mastiff had a Pension allowed him for the same Abilities.  
Let him enjoy his Title of Politicus, which yet Tacitus nor Richelieu did ever presume to, but for certain he hath chosen none of the wisest employments.  
If as he pretends to defend the Common-wealth, he could prevail with the Common-wealth to defend him, I would call him even Aristotles Politiques, and not once speak of him in the singular number.  
But Alas, as soon as he is blown, he is unhearded, and I will undertake that any man may shoot him, without ever being questioned by the Keeper.  
I ask pardon for so unequal a comparison. As the Dane upon Barclay for the ill character of his Country, so I warrant you, you may draw upon him in the Presence, and he shall run behind the Hangings.  
But in vain doth he cling to the public, and skulke behind its Authority, I can tear off the Ivy without felling the three, and if it were needful I can run him through without ever wounding the State.  
The folly of such men, who when they have once cast away all Conscience, and all respect of human and Divine things, imagine forthwith that they are arrived at the very height of Policy, not considering that those which would attend upon a State, must always have at least a cloak of Religion, though the svit be not of the same. And hence it is that he being so wickedly out of the Fashion, they are as ashamed of his company, as of a Pedagogue in Cuerpo.  
Or if they have as upon Cain, set a mark upon this vagabond Writer, lest every one that meets him should slay him, yet it is not so much a badge of his safety, as a Character of his Infamy.  
And to speak properly, they have at once burned him in the hand, for his murderous Writing, and made him cry, God save the Common wealth.  
Do you think then that his Title doth become him? or is he not rather instead of Politicus a very politic would be? and in stead of a Mercurius, a very Moderate-Intellegencer?  
So he is truly for matter of wit, for having trepand out his whole brain in his two first Politicusses, he is now grown such a Dillingham, such a tailor of news, as if there had but gone a pair of shears betwixt them.  
And therefore all his tackling being spent, and he being shot so often by me betwixt wind and water, I will for a farewell give him this one Broad-side more, and so make an end to sink him.  
Mercurius Politicus is the stork of the Common-wealth, strutting before White-hall, and feeding upon the Garbidge of the weekly Intelligence.  
And with the same Diet he keeps his Doxy, mistress Politica, and the young Politiculi his By-blows, who by that means are always furnished with meat of the season, and upon monday eat monday, and upon Tuesday Tuesday, and so to the end of the week, there being no Table so constant as that of a diurnal.  
It seems as if he had boarded them out in the Lords prayer, they being the onely Family that eat their Daily Bread.  
Mercurius Politicus is a Seian Pen, fatal to all the three Parties, upon which he hath written.  
He is the Author of our small philippics, poisoning himself out of his own Quill.  
He is a new Engine of State to conquer France withall, that as the whore of Orlcons first attempted to expel us thence, so a pimp of Westminster may again restore us thither.  
He is an Atheist possessed; roaring out more villainies, and Blasphemy, then ever could be suggested by Asmodeus or Ashtaroth, and whose mouth can not be inhabited by any other devil but Legion.  
He is the Sphinxses Riddle, for he went upon four legs like a beast in his Britannicus, he stood upon two legs as a man in his Pragmaticus, and at the last is come to live in three-leg'd-Ally a pimping Politicus.  
In conclusion, that we may dismiss him with an honourable Character, he shall have that which was heretofore given to a Pope, that he entered like a Fox, he proceeded like a Lion, and ended like a Dog.  
For such an one he is, a very Doggs nose of wax, as ugly, and as easy to be wrought from one side to the other; And what is now his condition, will hereafter be his destiny, he must expect to die like a Dog, to be filled up for a memorial of the Gallows, to hang to the wind like a Kings-Fisher, and serve for one of Gregories weathercocks.  
All which is more demonstratively true, according to a syllogism in Physiognomy.  
For is not his head already elevated with the same grace, as if it were pearcht upon a Pole to be the Watermens Landmark to Westminster abbey?  
Are not his Limms so strangely set, as if they would quarter themselves, and were gibbetted upon one another?  
These being the Premises, it follows that hanging must be his Conclusion.  
When all those whom he hath defamed shall gather the moss from his skull, and with that Usnea compound the powder to cure the wounds of their Reputation.  
For he must not think that the rest of the world will be content with so cheap a Satisfaction, as I, who have onely made use of this spitting style against him, as I have seen men ordinarily killing Mercury with their Spittle.  
Such Shimei cursed, and stones did fling,  
And then asked pardon of the King.  
But though mildred David him forgave,  
Yet Solomon did pay the Knave.  
FINIS.