Satan's Temptation, AND God's Preservation: OR SATAN'S POLICY AND God's Mercy, Most Lively and Amply set forth in the Discovery of the several Temptations, Desertions, Troubles, and Afflictions, that have accompanied the Life of Robert Smith of Ludshelf, alias Litchfield, in the County of Southampton, Gent. Wherein is Discovered the Method that Satan took in the several Gradations thereof. With an Account of the Life of the Author. Published for the Benefit, Comfort, and Support, of any of God's Servants, that now are, or shall be, cast into such a Deplorable Condition. Veritas Stat in aperto Campo, etc. London, Printed by William Downing for the Author, Anno Dom. 1685. To the Honourable Colonel John Dean of Oxenwood, one of His Majesty's Deputy Lieutenants for the County of Southampton; and Robert Oxenbregge of Piddle Trenthide, Esq one of the Justices of the Peace for the County of Dorset. Honoured Gentlemen, I Here Present you with a Review in Particular of that which in General yourselves were no strangers to. The Reasons that induced me to this Publication, were, The Advice of some grave Divines and others, upon the Consideration of the Good that many a weak and distressed Member of the Church of God might receive thereby; to which magnificent Structure, if I could but add one Stone, I should think myself happy in so doing, for Afflictis opitulari munificum est. That I might not omit to make some grateful return of Praise and , in an eminent and public manner, to the God of all Mercies, which in a way and measure so extraordinary and marvellous, did show his goodness towards me, hath considered my Trouble, and known my Soul in Adversities. If for the least of God's favours we own to Him an Hymn of , then surely we ought to speak abroad of all his wondrous works. That by this publication of things in particular, I might more particularly express my thankful acknowledgement of all your singular favours most undeservedly conferred upon me in this time of my Conflict, (as well as at other times) since I have had the honour of a long acquaintance with you. The reason (most worthy Friends) that I have deferred the Publication thereof this many Years, was, That I might have some Probation of myself, whereby I might fully experience the sound Constitution of my Body and Mind; and although some for whose sake this is intended (and I hope they by my Conflict, as I by others, may receive some benefit) may think it long I made this Public; yet the great Enemy of Mankind may think it too soon, because most of his Serpentine Wiles and Artifices, his false and deceitful Arguings, are here exposed and Confuted. And although I publish this not for any Ostentation of mine own, 1 Cor. 4.7. (for what have we that we have not received) but to the Praise and Glory of my Creator and Redeemer, and the good of his Church, into whose Treasury, if I can cast but in one Mite, Mark. 12.44. I should think myself happy. And because the Subject thereof is against him that is Abbaddon and Apollion, a Destroyer, as being a Deceiver, I shall take care that he shall be able to object nothing of that nature against me, by representing all things in this Discourse with the greatest Veracity, as being most repugnant to his Nature, John 8.44. who was a Liar from the beginning. But whereas it may be doubted, how I should remember the several steps and gradations thereof in particular after so long a time: For Satisfaction herein, be pleased to know, That although I durst not adventure the recapitulation of things too soon, yet I was not too remiss in perpetuating a Memorial of so remarkable a passage of my Life, by a Collection of the heads thereof in Writing, which hath enabled me in this undertaking. As to the truth of things here related, next to the testimony of a good Conscience, I have for my support your Attestation, whose known Justice is such, that as it will not Patronise any thing that is false, so your Clemency is so great, as will not be wanting to Countenance any thing that is True: And if in any thing I seem to make too much digression, by inserting too much of the particulars of my Birth and Life; I know you have Candour enough to overlook the same, for considering that many persons have taken the liberty to Write the Lives of others, I hope the like freedom may not be denied me to Write my Own, no person knowing the several passages thereof more than myself: And seeing I have Selected those things that Subtract, as well as add to my Reputation, the one to be matter of Humiliation, the other to be matter of Praise and : I hope I may not be suspected for partiality, and the rather, because it is for the satisfaction of my Reader, who must necessarily inquire into the forepast Life, which had such subsequent direful Effects; for although I cannot excuse myself from many Faults and Errors of my Life, 2 Chron. 6.36. For who Liveth that Sinneth not? Yet I know not any Capital Fact that might more particularly occasion this my sad dejection. Therefore (to avoid prolixity) let no man that hath, is, or shall be, cast into such a deplorable Estate of desertion and Melancholy, think that his Condition is singular; for although the Method that Satan useth may be different, yet there may be something in one, that may Sympathize with another, which may afford matter of comfort and consolation: and however, let no person whatsoever despair of Cure, Peace, and Restauration, who hath me hitherto for an Example, who am, and desire to approve myself to God Almighty, a living and lively Monument of his Grace and Mercy. Thus, good Sirs, craving your Pardon for this Presumptuous Dedication, I commit you to the Protection of the Almighty, that hath wonderfully preserved and Blessed you hitherto, desiring him to return your many kindnesses & favours towards me sevenfold, giving you a long opportunity of doing good in this world, and at length Crowning you with everlasting Glory, which is, and always shall be, the hearty and fervent Prayer of him, who is, Most Worthy Gentlemen, Your much Devoted, Obliged, and most humble Orator and Servant, ROBERT SMITH. Satan's Temptation, AND God's Preservation: OR, Satan's Policy, AND God's Mercy. Discovered in the following Relation, with Observations and Remarks thereupon. Christian, Courteous, and Candid Reader. I HERE offer to thy View, not only things I have Read and Herd of, but Felt, my Person being the Stage on which this Tragedy was Acted; but by the Mercy of God I became the Victor: And now since Experimental Knowledge is by all agreed to be most Authentic; I therefore thought this subsequent Relation might not be altogether unuseful. The place where first I drew my Natural Breath, was Titcombe, in the County of Wilts; The time of my Birth, December the Thirteenth, One Thousand Six Hundred and Thirty; One of, if not the shortest Day and longest Night of the Year; It may be Presaging a long Night of Affliction that was to follow. I was the Seventh Son of my Parents, they having Nine Children, two Daughters first, and Seven Sons after, myself being the last, an Omen also it may be of something— Remarkable. My Father was Minister of that place, a Man of no mean Birth, my Grandfather being a Member of the Common-Council of the City of London, and Alderman of his Ward: But my Father was Cheated of his Estate by his after Father-in-Law: Lord Danvers of Glimpton in the County of Oxon. My Grandmother descended of an Honourable Family. My Father's Preferment, as Vicar of Titcombe, was but Mean, but his Parts not so, having given Probation thereof in his Eighth Sermon at St. Mary's in Oxon before Bishop Usher and Dr. Prideaux, who both gave him their commendatory Thanks: His Degree Master of Arts, Quotemporary, and Chamber-Fellow with Dr. Featly in Corpus Christi College in Oxon. His Knowledge was not little in the Tongues, especially in the Greek, which gave encouragement to several Honourable Families to commit the Tuition of their Sons to his Boarding Instruction: hungerford's and Pyles. By which Augmentation of maintenance he was enabled to breed two of his Sons to and at the University, Ludshelf in the County of South-hampton the one Rector of this place; myself, as a third, intended by him for the same, who, by his Instruction, had made some good Progress thereunto, and whom he (as himself said) intended for the Study of Physic, [being a Seventh Son, and so having some affinity to that Worthy Profession.] And in regard my Father's Means and Fortune was but short and narrow, though at that time possessed of a good Parsonage of 120 pound, Banghurst in the County of South-hampton or 140 pound per annum, which by reason of Age, and Inability of Body and Mind, he thought fit to resign to my Brother to Officiate, reserving but little to himself. I was at first Enforced (though Young) to the Teaching of a Private School for some short time; and the hopes of my Father's intended Design was now at a period: Arguments were by my Brother (to ease himself of charge) propounded, viz. That Learning, as times then stood, would become of little Credit, much less Preferment: That a Trade would be better, more certain, and durable; by which, I was persuaded to Steer my course for London, where Lying in a Tailor's House, which also (in those times) was a Solicitor, a Man of strong Natural Parts, and having a great Faculty in Sueing of Attorneys and others upon Indirect practices: But lying sometime without Employment, and Money growing short, his Wife taking notice thereof, and of my Youth, seduced me to a Living with her Husband, which I did, to avoid a worse condition, for about the space of one Year, not two, not so much as a Servant, as a Companion; my little use of a Pen conducing much to his advantage, being an Illiterate Man: But this way began to be uneasy, as not suitable to my Humour and Education, so paying of him Ten pound (which Friends had Lent me) I acquitted myself of that condition, and endeavoured to find out another, and at last, a Friend of mine intending the change of his own Employment, recommended me to succeed him in the attendance of a Person of Quality, Nath. Stephens of Easton in County Gloucest. Esq; one of the Knights of the Shire for the County of Gloucester, who understanding me to be the Son of a Divine, used me with more Respect: A Barrister at Law he was, one of his Sons, and Son in Law, being Eminent Practisers, the one at the Exchequer-Bar, Sergeant Stephen's Sir John Stowel. the other in his Chamber; for whom I did some business in the way of Clerk-ship; wherein I took such delight, that I endeavoured an Improvement thereof in the several Hands, both Long and Short, Reading Books of Precedents, observing the Practice of the several Courts in Westminster-Hall, Living near thereunto, and having much leisure time; I spent much of the same (I wish more) in Reading and Study for the space of Four years: but having as all men by Nature have, the Seeds of Pride and Ambition, I changed my Station, not my Condition, those short lived Juncto's in the Oliverian times frustrating my hoped for Achievements. At length by the recommendation of a Gentleman of Quality, Sir Rich. Knightly of Fawsly in the County of Northhampton I was preferred to the service of an honourable and prudent Gentleman, and of a great Estate, a Barrister also at Law, and one whose Abilities in divers Parliaments (not Oliverian) and Council of State, (not Safety) was to most known Men sufficiently known throughout the Kingdom, with whom I lived about Six years, who, after some continuance with him, entrusted me with matters of no small weight; and whose confidence of my Fidelity was so great, that though I several times importuned him with all imaginable earnestness to take my Accounts, would not be prevailed with to do the same, which after his Death proved to me no little Grief, as then wanting his Ratification and Attestation, who was only Privy to the Transaction. He being Dead, all the hopes of my Preferment was Buried with him, of which I could not, if he had Lived, but promise myself probable hopes, he being by the Lord Cancellor Hide and Viscount Hereford's means, introduced into his late Majesty's favour, who declared his Kindness to him: And I might be the more encouraged to cherish these hopes, because my immediate Predecessor but one had in three Years time not gained less than 1500 pounds in being Clerk to that Committee of which he was Chairman for Exchange of Prisoners. The life of Man being thus uncertain, as Hodie Rex Cras Cadaver, all dependencies thereon are vain, which makes men of low degree Vanity, and men of high degree a Lie; Psalm 62.9. and it is in vain to put confidence in Princes, or in the Sons of Men. This Honourable Gentleman, and my Beloved Master, being Dead, I had (amongst others) committed to me the care of his Embalming, in order to his Interment in the Country; and being willing to satisfy my Curiosity in the opening of his Body, from whence (as I conceived) some Vapours affected my Head. And although I continued with my Lady some Months after, yet my condition was full of dolour and uncomfortable, though carried off with as much strength as Nature could afford. My Ladies desired stay being at an end, I withdrew myself to a Friends house in St. Martin's Lane, near Covent-Garden, where being in a discomposed Sleep, I heard a fluttering noise as if it were in the Chimney, and a voice (as by me understood) saying, Where is your Doctor Manton now? A Man by me held in great Veneration for his Learning, public Abilities, and good Life, though it may be not without Errors, from which no Man can pretend an exemption. My Distemper growing higher by my too much Musing on my Condition, I imparted the same to several worthy Friends, both Divines and others, whose Prayers and Tears were not wanting in condoling my Condition, and Praying for my Recovery. My Case being thus, I thought it best, having an only Brother in the Country a Divine, whose house I made choice of for the place of my Retirement, and unto whose Care and Counsel I committed myself, who was not wanting in procuring all help by Physicians to my Body, and by Reverend Divines, to afford all good Counsel to my Soul, as Fasting and Prayer, for the recovery of my inward Man, who was then fallen into so sad dejection, both of Body and Mind, that I was so disquieted, that I had not I think one hour of quiet rest from the Month of May, till the Month of February following: But lo here the Power and Mercy of the Almighty was seen, That although a Fontinel was made by a hot Iron in my Head, yet though sensible thereof, disturbed me not, though the benefit of Nature was wanting for a fortnight or three weeks together, though Physic of the strongest Nature never wrought, though rest ceased, Ez. 9.15. yet God preserved me alive as at this day. In this mine Agony and Conflict, Satan was not wanting in his Temptations, whose Method in order I shall discover in these following Suggestions. I. Suggestion. That certainly I did not belong to God, because such dreadful Afflictions had befallen me. And here I think it will not be amiss for Illustration sake, by way of Dialogue between Satan and the Sinner, to set forth Satan's Assaults, and the Sinners Repulses, for though I dare not say that all these Insinuations, and the Responses thereof were Modo & forma, dilated upon in my late Conflict, yet the Heads and Matter thereof were: And methinks I remember him beginning (as to our first Parents) his Parley and Speaking to my Fancy, to this effect, in this Dialect. Man, Satan. Thy Condition is Lamentable, worse than the worst of men's; Surely, Thy Spiritual Estate is not sound, God doth seldom let such dreadful effects of his Indignation fall upon any Man, but for some deep died Sins, that must be of so beynous a Nature, beyond the name of humane Frailties, or common Infirmities; surely thy Profession of Christianity hath been but disguised Hypocrisy; thou art but one in Masquerade; Rev. 3.1. thou hast a Name to live, but art dead; surely didst thou belong to God, and wert one of his, he is a God of Mercy, and would not leave thee or forsake thee in this so sad and deplorable a Condition. It's true, my Case is bad, Sinner. to be Lamented even with Tears of Blood, and my Spiritual Estate needs a serious consideration; soundness in Christianity needs an exact Scrutiny; Life and Death depend upon it; for if Aaron's Sons offer strange fire, Levit. 11.14. Fire shall devour them; Jealousy is hottest about the Sanctuary, Read Ezek. 8. and who can dwell with Everlasting Burn? Great Sins deserve great Punishments; Isa. 33.14 I need therefore to look into mine own heart, and search what particular Sins I have been guilty of before God, and to spread and bewail them before him, which through the Divine assistance I have done, and if God be graciously pleased to acquit, Rom. 8.1. who can condemn. But doth not God often sorely Afflict them that belong to him? surely Satan, thou art in nothing else more a Liar than in this; Psal. 88.14, 15. what made godly Heman so bitterly to complain, good Hezekiah to chatter like a Crane, Isa. 38.8. Psal. 38.8. upright David to roar through the disquietness of his heart, and the blessed Jesus to cry out in his Agony, My God, Mat. 27.46. my God, why hast thou forsaken me? [And in our late days, how sharp and violent hath thy Temptations been: In thy Assaults upon Mrs. Katherine Stubbs, and Mrs. Sarah White, and many others, to whom God hath given Evidence of their sincerity, by their Conquests over him, and of their inward Consolation] And as in respect of inward Desertions, so of outward Afflictions; Witness St. Paul, Job, and many of the Worthies of Old, Heb. 11.37. which were Destituted, Afflicted, Tormented: And in our late times, so much the Wicked were suffered to prosper, that even the Anointed of the Lord was taken in their Nets, Lam. 4.20. and the Royal Diadem of Majesty made subject to a Fatal Stroke; and some of the shining Stars of Nobility obscured, and their Honours laid in the Dust; with several Martyrs, Confessors, and others, who have given Signal demonstrations of their Sincerity, and belonging to God. But what if I show thee, oh Satan! some Marks and Evidences of Sincerity, formerly by me Collected; Wilt thou say, that these are Tokens of Hypocrisy? or canst thou not but confess the contrary? I have observed in the course of God's Providence, that God hath had a regard to me in all conditions; but especially in Afflictions and Distress, God hath given me Comfort and Relief. That though God hath given me Afflictions to Humble me, yet he hath given me some Comforts to support and uphold my Heart from Sinking. I ever had (since any work of God visibly upon me) a sense of God's Authority, and my Duty: That at any time, I was unfit for any business of Moment, unless I had first committed myself to God by Prayer. I have often desired of God that he would grant me such a way to Live in the World, that I might with comfort and freedom serve him. I have always had a Love to those that were truly Godly, though differing in Judgement in the circumstantials of Christian Religion: And have had more a desire of the Conversion of Enemies, than their Confusion. I have pressed and desired after more Holiness, and more Humbleness and Repentance, than I could ever sensibly find in myself. I have many times found the presence of God in his Word and Sacraments, warming and enflaming my Love. Now, What sayest thou Oh Enemy of Mankind? Are these signs of Hypocrisy, or Sincerity? 'Tis true, some of them may be liable to thy cavil and exception, but others of them, are beyond thy Sophistry or Evasion. But what is this to thy Condition? Satan. II. Suggestion. Thy day is past, the door of Grace is shut: Hadst Thou looked to it sooner, and made Thy Calling and Election sure, 2. Pet. 3.10. when Thou wast in Thy Youth and Strength, it had been well for Thee; but Thou hast Lived many Years in the World, and Gods Calls by Sickness and otherwise, hath been frequent; The Golden Sceptre of Grace and Mercy hath been held forth, and Thou hast Refused to come in and Submit; but now Divine Vengeance hath Pursued and Overtaken Thee, and the door of Grace is shut; 'Tis now too late; What canst Thou do? The consideration of my no sooner turning to God, Sinner. and setting my Face Heaven-wards, is matter of Sorrow and Humiliation: The Calls of God to Repentance, and my Omission, needs deep Repentance indeed; and that the time afforded for Repenting, should be employed in Sinning, makes me cry out with the Publican, Luk. 18.13. God be Merciful to me a Sinner: And if in Truth the door of Grace were shut, my Condition were irreparable. But how camest thou, oh Satan, into God's Privy Council? How camest thou to know that mine (or any Man's) day of Grace is past? doth not God Call at the Sixth Hour, and Ninth Hour? 'Tis true, late Repentance is seldom True; but if True, God accepts it, though it be late: Is the Promise of Christ (That whosoever comes to the Father, Joh. 6.37. by him, he will in no wise cast out) prefixed to such a day of the Month, or Year, in Man's Life? Did not he that came last, Matth. 20.9. receive a penny, as well as he that came first? Hath not thy old Delusion been long enough known to the World, in telling Sinners that 'tis time enough to Repent; and when God hath by some extraordinary Judgement, or otherwise, called upon them to do it, than it was too late? And is not every Man's day of Grace a Secret known only to him that is the Ancient of days? Dan. 7.9. And doth not secret things belong to God? III. Suggestion. But Man, Satan. Talk what Thou wilt, Eternal Misery is Thy Portion: Thou mayest cherish up vain hopes, and Thy Friends may give Thee many and great Cordials of Comfort; But Thy Sun is Set, Thy day of Grace is past, irreversible Judgement is pronounced, and what remains but Execution; and this is Thy Doom; trouble Thyself no further; this is Thy Condition. These are dreadful Tidings, Sinner. oh Satan! indeed, (if true) enough to make the Heart of the stoutest Sinner to quake and tremble, and to cry out and weep bitterly, when the Arrows of the Almighty stick so fast in him, Job 6.4. and his Hand presseth him so sore. But Satan, Methinks this is like the Language of Jobs Wife (by thee Instructed) Curse God and Dye: Job 2.9. 'Tis not to be denied, that Execution naturally followeth Judgement; Romans 6.24. The Wages of Sin is Death. But is there no hope in all this? Are not all those exceeding great and precious Promises that God hath made in his word of use, 2 Pet. 1.4. and to be used in such a case? Must a Man's final Portion be concluded by his present condition? Must all the deal of God with his Church in general, and Persons in particular, be Rejected? surely, No. The Promises of God are Wells of Salvation to Refresh, and Breasts of Consolation to Nourish the People of God, and every Gracious Soul: And do not they speak in this manner; In my Wrath I hide my Face, Isa. 54.8, 11. for a Moment, but with Everlasting Mercy will I gather thee. Oh thou Afflicted, tossed with Tempest, and not Comforted, behold, I will lay thy Foundations with Saphires, etc. Blessed are they that Mourn, for they shall be Comforted; Mat. 5.4. And they that Sow in Tears shall Reap in Joy. Psalm 126.5. Is not here a hiding of God's Face, a tossing with Tempest, a Mourning, a Sowing in Tears, before Gathering with Everlasting Mercy, a laying with Saphires, a Reaping with Joy, and being Comforted? Did not the Son of God endure a painful Life, and suffer a shameful Death? and did it not behoove him so to do, and then enter into his Glory? Nay, Act. 17.13. let us see whether a Promise of God will not stay the Soul, and raise some hopes, even when the most dreadful Judgements have befallen any Man. When Adam had Sinned, he could see nothing but Gild; all the Creatures were Cursed for his sake, and himself cast out of Paradise: What great sadness must this needs be? Why, God comforts him with this Promise, Gen. 3.15. That the Seed of the Woman should break the Serpents Head. solomon's supplication for the People, was at the Dedication of the Temple, and setting of the Ark of God therein, that when the several Calamities (by him particularly enumerated) were befallen them, 2 Chron. 6.38, 39 yet if they turned to him with all their Heart, that God would hear in Heaven, and be Merciful unto them; And his Prayer met with God's approbation and acceptance. 2 Chron. 7.1. And when Jonah had made himself a Fugitive, and by it had brought himself into deep Horror; and when his Soul fainted within him, even than he remembered God, and his Prayer came in unto him into his holy Temple. Jona. 2.7. But must I not, Oh thou Prince of Darkness, trouble myself no further? Must my present condition be always such as it is now? Shall I quit the Conflict, and proclaim thee Victor? far be it from me so to do; seeing that he that is in me, 1 Joh. 5.4. is greater than he that is in the World. This Lion of the Tribe of Judah, Rev. 5.5. is gone forth Conquering and to Conquer; he it is that hath the Keys of Hell and Death, and openeth and no Man shutteth, and shutteth and no Man openeth; Heb. 21.8 He that was Tempted, and therefore able to secure those that are Tempted; Heb. 7.27 And able to Save to the utmost; he whom the Father hath Commissioned, and given Authority over even Principalities and Powers; Phil. 2.9. And given a Name above every Name; he who hath Manfully Triumphed over Sin and Satan, Hell and the Grave, in his Crucifixion, Resurrection and Ascension to Glory. Shall I then be afraid to Fight under his Banner, whom I have so solemnly owned in my Baptismal Vow? And for thy Counsel of troubling myself no further, I shall not take it, seeing thou art a Deceiver, and by this also intendest to deceive; for not easily to trouble myself now, is to beget immensity of trouble hereafter; 'Tis time then, and not till then, to cease resisting, when thou ceasest Tempting. We cannot perform Holy Duties, but Satan interposeth. If Joshua the High Priest stand Ministering before the Lord, Satan stands at his Right Hand; Zach. 3.1 Therefore our Lord hath bid us Watch and Pray, and in his Prayer, hath bid us say, And lead us not into Temptation; and we are bid, Abrenuntia Satanae qui circuit ut devoret: And can we be safe from trouble, that are subject to the Prey of a Roaring Lion? But be not afraid, oh my Soul! he that is Guardian of the Saints, The Keeper of Israel never slumbereth nor sleepeth; Psalm 121.4. and hold out and endure to the end, Let no Man take thy Crown; Rev. 3.11.17.14 And thou shalt overcome by the Power of the Lamb. Well, Satan. go on as Victoriously as thou canst, and deceive thyself as thou wilt. iv Suggestion. Thou shalt suddenly be surprised by me, Thou art in Captivity to me, and I have Possession of Thee. I told Thee before what Thy Doom was, and yet Thou Nourished'st up Thyself with hopes, and made Scriptural Arguments Thy Refuge: But even in that Thou art also deceived; For, what hope hath the Hypocrite? Job 27.8. Thou chargest me with delusions, but no one a greater deluder than Thyself, and that to Thyself; but now Thou art under my domination, 'twill not be long before I make Thee know, that all Thy pretensions are but vain. I must confess (Oh subtle Serpent) thy Darts are Fierce and Fiery, Sinner. and were not my Soul and Body (through Divine protection) Impregnable, I might sit down in horror and amazement: But surely things are not as thou makest them; What God may permit thee to do hereafter, is as well unknown to thee as me; and hadst thou any power of me, thou art not so great a Friend to Mankind, but thy Rage would be by me and many others sufficiently known. I must confess, thou pursuest me with Visions of the Night, and I am so troubled I cannot Sleep, Job 20.8. and in my unquiet Slumbers, Suggests strange things to my Fancy, sometimes by Elevations, as though I wanted nothing but wings to Fly; sometimes by Depressions, as though my Body was the Basis and Foundation, upon which some ponderous Superstructure stood; sometimes, as though something lay as heavy upon my Breast, of no less weight than Led, and by its sudden departure, Suggesting as though I had been Companion with some ugly Vulture; and by many various misrepresentations to my Sense in Slumber, (though I bless God not to my sight, any ways to affright me) thou hast accosted me; not by Words to be demonstrated, but as Truth to be believed. Besides, those ridiculous Fancies, not by words decently to be Expressed, and not without abhorrence to be Remembered. How much of this may be imputed to a Natural, and by this Conflict acquired Melancholy, I leave to the Learned to decide: But surely, a great deal of it was not from Natural Indisposition, but from Satannical Delusion; And it may be my Memory and understanding being continued to me, by God's Preservation, was in order to make it known, for the support of others, by Publication. But is not this boasting of my Captivity, and false Suggestion of thy having possession of me, the effects of thy Pride, oh fallen Angel? Couldst thou of old not enter into the Carcase of a Swine, Matth. 5.12. without the leave of our Blessed Lord; and hast thou Power of thyself to enter into my Body, which is the Temple of the Holy Ghost? 1 Corrin. 6.19. Shall that Body which ought to be presented a Living Sacrifice to God, by Dedication, become a place for thy Reception? Shall that Body which ought only to bow to God in Divine Worship, by Prostration and Adoration, be subject to thy Devotion, when thou wilt, for a Habitation? Shall that Body, whom by the Merits of the Blessed Jesus, at the Resurrection, hopes to meet with Glorification, be the subject of thy debased Vilification? surely, No; And doubtless, hadst thou such an uncontrolled Power as thou hast by pretention, the direful effects thereof, not only to my Body, but the whole World, would be known by its Destruction; thou being not unfitly termed (as of old) a Destroyer. Rev. 9.11 But what talkest Thou so much, Satan. oh Sinner, of thy Body? V Suggestion. Thou art unworthy of any Creature Comforts, and therefore Sinful to Eat Thy Bread, or to use any outward means for Thy Recovery. Thou thinkest and hopest Man that this is but Melancholy, and Thy Friends seek Thy Cure, and tell Thee Thou must be cheerful, and use such means as God hath ordained; but Thy Sins have been such, that the least Mercy doth not belong to Thee: Hast Thou the Face to consume God's benefits, and to speak of Recovery? If God had ordained it, it would have been long this, using such means as Thou hast done. I must confess, Oh Satan! Sinner. thou art in words not a Liar in this, whatever thou art in intention; Gen. 32.10. for I may say with Jacob, I am not worthy of the least of all thy Mercies: We are not worthy of a Crumb that falls from thy Table, oh Lord! If Worthiness of Receipt, is to be judged according to the Worthiness of Merit, there is none but one that is Worthy; even the Lamb, Slain from the Foundation of the World. Rev. 5.4. If our Receipts of Mercy depended upon our Merit, we might starve in the midst of all that plentiful Provision that God hath provided for the Souls and Bodies of his Sanctified ones. Hath not he that is the great Housekeeper of Heaven and Earth, said, Go Eat thy Bread with Joy, and Drink thy Wine with a Merry Heart? Eccl. 9.7. Did not the Primitive Christians Eat their Bread with gladness and singleness of Heart, Act. 2.4.7. Praising God? Doth Christianity exclude all Earthly Felicity? Doth it become the Servants of the most high, to have always their Countenances sad? Is not their Work good, and their Wages proportionable? Are not they bidden to Rejoice always, and again I say Rejoice; Phil. 4.4, 5. but so as to let their moderation be known to all Men? Is not this thy old wont, if thou canst not Tempt Men to be Luxurious, then to be too Parsimonious, and between these two Rocks to make Shipwreck of their Faith? 1 Tim. 1.19. Was it not a Wise Request, made by a Wise Man backed with strong Reason, Give me neither Poverty nor Riches? Proverbs 30.8, 9 Is not there a Golden mediocrity in these things, free from thy exception, surely Yes? But are not outward means to be sought for Recovery? Hath God made that Profession of no use, Eccles. 38.1. Col. 4.14 to which he hath affixed the Title of Honour, and Beloved? 'Tis true, Asa is branded with seeking to the Physicians, 2 Chron. 16.12. and not unto the Lord; but if he had sought unto the Lord, by the Physicians, would any Man thought him blame-worthy? Was not Hezekiah bid to take a Lump of Figgs, Isa. 36.21. when Diseased, and apply to his Sore? 'Tis true, the sense of my condition makes me forget to Eat my Bread; and I have so great an apprehension of my unworthiness and demerits, that my Friends cannot persuade me to take my appointed Food without force; Job 23.12. but shall the greatness of my Sins and unworthiness, or the long use of ineffectual means, make me give over? Must not I wait all the days of my Life until my change come? Job 14.14. Shall not those that wait on the Lord, renew their strength? And are not they proclaimed Blessed that wait for him? Isa. 40.31 The Vision is for an appointed time, Hab. 2.3. but in the end it will Speak. Shall I that am but Dust and Ashes, Limit him that is Controller and Governor of the whole World? Doth not the time of my Recovery depend upon him who is the Lord of time? And doth not Times and Seasons belong unto the Father? Mar. 13.32 Was not murmuring Israel of old taxed with this fault, They Limited the Holy one of Israel? Psalm. 78.41. Is it not then better in patience to possess one's Soul, and with Devout Heart as well as Tongue, to Pray, Thy will be done, Oh Lord! and to Wait for the Lord, as they that watch for the Morning; Psalm 130.6.7. for with the Lord is Mercy and plenteous Redemption; And to lay hold on the Covenant of Grace; which although it be not with me as it should, Yet (I may say as David did in another case) he hath made an Everlasting Covenant with me, 2 Sam. 23.5. ordered in all things and sure. I must confess, Oh Sinner! Satan. Thy method is good, and if any way is left for Thy Salvation, it is by laying hold of his Covenant of Grace: But, VI Suggestion. Thou wantest Faith and Repentance, the necessary qualifications of the Covenant; and therefore that doth not belong to Thee. Thou speakest much of God's Covenant, which indeed to them to whom it doth belong, is full of Grace and Mercy; Psalm 25.10. but it is to them that keep his Covenants. Thou hast broken Covenant with him, and Thou wantest Repentance to Repent Thee truly of the breach thereof, and Faith to believe, that upon that Repentance which Thou hast made, that God hath forgiven Thee, Jeremiah 31.34. and according to his Covenant will remember Thy Sins no more. Thou that canst not trust God for daily supplies, dost Thou think that Thou hast Faith? And what if God hath made such enestimable Promises, and made such a Feast of Fat things, Isa. 25.6. if Thou wantest a Hand to reach them unto Thee, what art Thou the better? Thou sayest, Sinner. Oh mine Enemy! that I want Faith, and indeed so I do, for every Man may say with the Blessed Disciples, Lord increase our Faith. And although thou grantest the Premises, yet thou deniest the conclusion; but I hope I can say, through Grace, Lord I do believe, help thou mine unbelief. Joh. 9.38. There are some Divine Characters that are stamped upon true Faith; It works by Love, and it breathes by Hope; It works by Love, to God, to Man. If I find in myself such an inflamed Love, that if my Saviour would accept me to Grace and Mercy, I could be content to endure those Flames that were represented visibly by the Flames of an Oven to my Bodily Eye, for the sake of my Blessed Lord; And also if I find in myself an hearty Love to Man, by which the Apostle saith, 1 John 3.14. We may know our Transition from Death to Life, because we Love the Brethren: And if good works be an Evidence of true Faith, what better work can there be then to Love our Brother? And this was the signal badge of being Disciples of the Blessed Jesus, Even Love to one another. Joh. 13.35. If I Love those that are of a different Judgement, for the good that is in them, canst thou, Oh Satan! deny this to be true Faith? This is one of the Weapons by which thou art made to fly, and by it, Thou and the World art overcome. 1 Joh. 5.4. 'Tis by this Faith, Christ is brought into the Soul, and in him all those God-Covenanting Promises which he hath made, of being our God, of putting his Fear in our Hearts, of taking away the Heart of Stone, and giving Hearts of Flesh, etc. These are links of that Golden Chain of Love, wherewith God hath bound himself to his People, and left it upon Record for their Comfort. This is the River, Psa. 46.4. the Streams whereof shall make glad the City of our God. But thou sayest, Oh mine Enemy! I want also Repentance, 'tis true; beside our general Repentance, we need daily Repentance for daily Sin; he whose Body was washed by the Water of Repentance, for former Sins, Jo. 13.10. had need to wash his feet for continued Transgressions, even in that Fountain opened to the House of David, Zac. 13.1 and to the Inhabitants of Jerusalem. But how knowest thou, oh Satan! that I want that Repentance which God will accept? 'tis not such a degree of any Grace that is required, so there is so much to make it true and saving. If Confession, if Contrition and Compunction of Soul, accompanied with a sincere forsaking of Sin in Resolution, may be judged Badges of the Divine Order of Penitents, I hope with all Humility to pretend to be a little Member of that Heavenly Society. And surely, if all the forementioned Ingredients are necessary to make this Holy Ointment of Repentance; my condition hath afforded me much opportunity of joining in making the Composition. But if I wanted Faith and Repentance, to whom should I go, but to the giver of both? Phil. 1.29 To you it is given to believe; And to them God granted Repentance unto Life. Act. 11.18. Oh my Soul, wait upon Thy God, for from him, and him alone, cometh Thy help, and Thy Salvation. Psa. 43.5. I cannot blame Thee, Satan. Oh Sinner! to be careful of Thy Salvation; Eternal Weal or Woe depends upon it; and therefore if Thou wilt hearken to me, I will tell Thee a way how to do it. VII. Suggestion. The way to save Thy Soul, is to destroy Thy Life. This is the only way that is left, and if Thou wilt do it, I will show Thee a way how Thou mayest accomplish Thy desired End. This is strange, Sinner. Oh subtle Serpent! that a thing of such contrariety and inconsistency, should concur in Harmony, and my designed Felicity. Must I break the Divine Law of the Supreme Legislator, and become a Felo de se, etc. and promise myself impunity, nay, benefit thereby. Certainly, if ever thou wert Transformed into an Angel of Light, 2 Cor. 11.14. 'tis now. At this time we may truly say, Satanas inter filios Dei; for thou to pretend my Salvation in such a manner, as intends my Soul's Destruction, and then to suggest to me such a way so ridiculous and fantastical, in a thing not to be named without Laughter and Detestation. Must my Mother be an instrument of my Consumption and Anihilation, that was a means of my Conception and Production. Can a Man enter into his Mother's Womb, and be Born again? Joh. 3.4. Had not thy Ridicularity been to others formerly known, and now to myself, it would scarcely have been believed, as having no affinity with thy pretended Sagacity. It must confess, my long denied Rest, and continued Conflict, hath so weakened my understandings, that I am not fully Master of my own Reason, and therefore a fit subject for thy delusion; and I am so strongly and violently Assaulted with thy restless Temptation, forcing me (as it were) against my will, to my Body's destruction; that had those ways at another time been by me used, it certainly had attained its final accomplishment: But, lo here! the goodness of God was seen in my Preservation, who is able to keep us all by his Almighty Power, 1 Pet. 15. Through Faith unto Salvation; and will not suffer us to be Tempted above measure, 1 Coming. 10.13. But will with the Temptation make a way for our escape. But will not thou, oh Satan! for all this be quiet? Hast thou been all this while raising thy Batteries, and keeping me thine Enemy waking, with the Roaring Canons of Terrors and amazement, and art thou now resolved upon the Storming of my weakened Garrison? Well, come on, and if by the Power of the Almighty I hold out now, Rom. 8.37. I shall be more than Conqueror. If I have him for my Captain, whom thy audacity was so great as to Tempt to the casting himself from the Pinnacle of the Temple: Matth. 4.5, 6. Hebrews 2.18. He is able to secure them that are Tempted; and though in myself as weak as David, yet being strengthened by him who is all strength, and Mighty to Save; Isa. 63.1. I shall be able to Encounter and overcome thee, that art the Goliath of my Soul; And though thy last Darts are terrible, and thou a cunning Archer, and hast wounded me sore; Yet my Bow hath abode in strength, Genesis 49.13. being made strong by the Mighty God of Jacob. Christian Reader. I Have, by these imperfect Delineaments, given thee a Survey of my Pilgrimage, into the Wilderness and Red Sea of Affliction: Give me leave now to give thee (with as much brevity as may be) my approaches to the Land of Canaan. About the end of February, towards the beginning of the Spring, began the Spring of my Comfort: Being tired with the too frequented Prison of my Chamber, from May preceding. I had a desire to go to the Fire in the Kitchen of my Brother's House, and seeing the Blessed Bible (which were it the Talmud among the Jews, and Alcoran amongst the Turks, would be used with more Veneration) I Read therein; and those things in my forepast Conflict and Desertion, which were full of Obscurity and Darkness, now began to afford Comfort and Support Therefore let not the Atheist and Antiscripturist doubt of its verity by my experiment; Nor the Disconsolate fear of its affording matter of Consolation, in the time of the greatest Agonies. And continuing so for some time, and Reading over those Scriptural Counsels that I had formerly perused, and remembering those Grave Advices given me by sundry Eminent Divines and Friends; the beams of Divine Light and Love began to shine, And the Sun of Righteousness to appear with healing in his Wings. Mal. 4.2. And as my inward Man began to be Revived, my outward Man began to be Refreshed; and using those things which are by Sacred appointment, ordained for Comfort and Refreshment, by me formerly rejected, I arrived to that degree of Comfort, that hath by the Mercy of God, cheerfully supported me above this Twenty Years; Totally freed from the dregs of that bitter Cup: And through the goodness of my Blessed Preserver, I hope for the continuance of the Peace, and Tranquillity which I at this present enjoy, both in Soul and Body; For, although I cannot but acknowledge my multiplied Transgressions, and that which is great matter of Humiliation, That I have not rendered according to the Mercy received: 2 Chron. 32.25. Yet this is matter of Rejoicing to have a Conscience void of Offence, Act. 24.16. towards God and Man: And therefore Praise the Lord, oh my Soul! and forget not all his benefits; who hath, doth, and will I hope, Deliver me from the Power of Sin and Satan, Col. 1.13 and preserve me safe unto the Everlasting Kingdom of his dear Son; And therefore, Allelujah, Salvation, Dominion, and Power be given to him that sits upon the Throne, Rev. 5.13 and to the Lamb for evermore. And now, Christian Reader, having given thee a true and Impartial account, of this my doleful Conflict, and of my Birth and course of Life, precedent thereunto. Give me leave, for a conclusion, (that God may have the Glory of all) to give thee a short Narrative of my Life subsequent, and of my Estate and Condition, to this present day. Being, by the Providence of Almighty God, restored to my Health and Understanding, I reassumed the Study of those things, wherein I formerly took delight, both in Law, Equity, and Clerkship, for although Doctrina stultis spernitur, and the practice of Law hath little Reputation of Honesty amongst the Vulgar; yet I doubt not but that the true Profession of the Gospel may be accompanied with the use of our Common Law; It being designed to strengthren Religion, and not to weaken or undermine it; And although some ill Men are not by just Men to be justified; yet, the Piety, Justice, and Ingenuity of many others are not to be denied, but rather by all good Men to be imitated and commended. After some use of Country business, in drawing things of the lowest Nature; and as my knowledge of Things and Persons, and theirs of me increased, I came to the drawing of things of a Superior account, as Leases, Mortgages, Deeds, Conveyances, Settlements, etc. and of any, or most Instruments, that are now in use; And also in managing of Causes, both in Law or Equity, wherein I have had as good success, as any Man proportionable to that obscure place, and little Employment I had undertaken: my Humour not leading me much that way, and now my declension of Years not permitting much Travel; and my Condition desiring rather a Home conveying Employ, though not a total rejection of any other. When I had spent about Six Years in practising as a Solicitor in the Court of Common Pleas (as in others) and having made proof thereof, by a Certificate from an Ingenious Gentleman, and an Attorney of that Court, I was by him recommended for my fitness, to the chief Prothonotary, to be Sworn Attorney of the said Court; who having a Knowledge of one of those Worthy Gentlemen, and of his Family under whom I was bred; and having Examined me in his Office, by the Rules of Practice, and by Reading one of the Records of the Court, and by enquiring into my Education and Breeding; he told me, that if myself, and the Gentleman that Certified for me, came in our Formalities to the Treasury next Morning, he would recommend me to the Judges of that Court for Approbation; which Judges then were Lord chief Justice Vaughan, Justice Windham, Justice Archer, and Justice Wild, which being come, Mr. Robinson (after made Sir Thomas Robinson) the Prothonotary moved them in my concern; and Mr. Justice Wild withdrew, and Examined me, Read my Certificate, Written with my own Hand, in the Hand of the Court, who approving of me, ordered my being Sworn, which was accordingly done in the said Court in Westminster-Hall, and afterwards Enrolled: And having performed all things Requisite and usual, I have ever since, more or less, continued in the said Employment, having not miss (before and since my being Sworn) above six or seven Terms this Two or Three and Twenty Years, besides Ten Years Service and Study previous to the same. So that I bless Almighty God, that he hath so infinitely, beyond my Deserts, dealt so Lovingly with me, by raising me out of the great depth of Adversity, and affording me so many happy Years since: I bless God that I have Employed those opportunities to the benefit of others, and myself. But as to the Ability I have shown, in what business hath been committed to my Care, and what success I have had therein, Modesty suffers me not to Relate; Yet my Reflections thereon, affords matter of Comfort to myself, and Praise to the God of all Grace and Mercy. Therefore I leave these things to the Judgement and Observation of those several Worthy Gentlemen of the Laiety and Clergy, Ladies, and others, who have received benefit thereby. What Integrity, Care, and Industry I have used out of my way, in the Superviewing of any Estate in the course of Husbandry; Or, in the management of the several Trusts, and care of men's Families and Fortunes, reposed in me, I leave to those that for many Years have had the Experience thereof, to declare; desiring in general no Man to do more for me and mine, than I have done for them and theirs: But, Soli Dei Gloriae, I desire that to God may the Glory of all be refered, because the Power and Glory is from him solely derived. And now, Courteous Reader, having (according to my Promise) given thee a short and true Narrative of my Life, after my late Conflict; Give me leave to Speak a few words to the several Persons into whose hands these Lines may come. Some there are, who out of a lofty high Spirit, and a profane Mind, may contemn the Subject matter thereof, because written in a common Scriptural Dialect, which may be thought inconsistent with a Man of my Pretensions. These are to be answered: And to such I say, That for want of being conversant in the Book of God, many Personages of Noble Extract, have extremely wanted such helps at the time of their Deaths; then plain Scripture Truths and Expressions being of most Use and Comfort. And likewise many of the greatest Sages of the Law, both Common and Civil, have Gloried to Write in the Style of the Divine Lawgiver; And can we be Wiser than he that is Wisdom itself? Can we hope to find better Weapons, than those by which our Lord hath overcome? Mat. 4.4. And shall those that are Travelling unto that Heavenly Country of Canaan, despise the Language thereof? There are others that Scoffingly by their Words, or Snearingly by the Language of their Eyes, one upon another, abounding only in their own Sense, and the common Sense of the World, will be apt to contemn, and think meanly of the Author, for thus exposing his own Imperfections. These are to be pitied; That their Humours are so conformed to the Similitude of this World; For they may as well Ridicule the Blessed Apostles for Recording their Failings and Miscarriages; but I bless God I am arrived to St. Paul's Temper, To Glory in the things which concern mine Infirmities. 2 Corrin. 11.30. There are others that are frequently buffeted with Satan, and are under dolorous Temptations. These are to be comforted; Good Christians, Read, Study, and consider all those innumerable Starlike Promises, which the Heavenly Book of God is bespangled withal: Consider what multitudes of Examples and Deliverances God hath given to his Church and People, in all Ages; to me the most unworthy of all his Servants, amongst the rest. Ponder well the foregoing experiences, and a Divine blessing accompany your Meditations: Be strong in the Lord, Eph. 6.10 and in the Power of his Might; for God shall shortly tread down Satan under your Feet; Romans 16.20. hold out therefore to the end, And be Faithful to Christ to Death, and he will give you the Crown of Life. Rev. 2.10 But to hasten to an end, having by the Mercy and goodness of Almighty God, passed through this Fire of Affliction, and through this Sea of Trouble, and Arrived at the Haven of a long experienced Recovery; and having, through Divine Providence, changed my condition with a Person of Virtue, and of a good Family, by whom God, as an Emblem and Pledge of his Love, hath given me one Child, I Lived in happy Peace and Tranquillity. Now (as the Apostle saith) Fight the good Fight of Faith, that I may finish my Course with Joy, Seeing that from henceforth, 2 Tim. 4.7, 8. is laid up for me the Crown of Righteousness, which God the Righteous Judge shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but to all that Love his appearing. And therefore with Angels, and Archangels, and all the Heavenly Host, for this Glorious Deliverance; I Bless and Magnify thy Name, Oh Lord! World without End, Amen. Glory to God in the highest, On Earth Peace, Good will towards Men. FINIS.