THE SOUNDHEADS DESCRIPTION OF THE ROUNDHEAD. OR THE ROUNDHEAD Exactly Anatomised in his integrals and Excrementalls, by the untwisting a threefold Knott. 1. Who the Roundheads be, or what a Roundhead is in rerum natura, and his Pedigree. 2. The real Causes producing a Roundhead. 3. The properties and peculiarities of a Roundhead. Now published to satisfy the whole world in the resolution of this monstrous Beast, who and what he is, and by what marks he may be known and seen. Printed at the request of Gregory Scotch-marke (or thirteen-pence-half penny) inhabiting in Barber-surgeon's Alley, at the sign of the new fashioned Perriwigg: In the year of the Roundhead his hopes confounded, 1642. LONDON Printed in the year 1642. for I B. To the judicious Reader. AMongst those infinite number of Pamphlets and Libels, wherewith this knowing Island, to wit, the City and Country is pestered, and the air thereof infected and poisoned with the sulphurous breathe of their vanity, profaneness and lies, every hour producing something new, something wicked, something foolish, little true: according to the several constitutions and dispositions of the Climacterical men of this age, from those hourly events and occurrences of persons, things and times: There is one ignorant foolish wicked Pamphlet or Libel of the Roundheads lately Printed, receiving its monstrous prodigious and untimely birth from the womb of an ignoramus. And the which Pamphlet or Libel, is as full of lies and folly, as a beggar of louse and a dog of fleas: being the most false, foolish, and ignorant description of the Roundheads: And hath occasioned this short discourse following (in its due and full season) to step forth in the clothing of a Pamphlet, to meet with fools in their folly, And by good skill and strength of arms to bray him in a Mortar, till this ignoramus and his Proselytes be convinced and disarmed of their sordid, senseless, and gross ignorance, in framing so false and silly a description, and applying the term Roundhead to those persons whom there is not the least show of reason or honesty to evince it. The judicious Reader, is requested to behold really as in a glass the real and true description of a Roundhead indeed, and to whom it may properly with sound and undeniable grounds and reasons be applied unto, according to the Inscription or Title of this short discourse: referring the whole matter in hand to thy wisdom, judgement, and conscience, ever resting a real Servant to all virtuous Readers, THE SOUNDHEADS DESCRIPTION OF THE ROUNDHEAD, OR A Roundhead Anatomised in his integrals or Excrementalls. A Roundhead, according to the title or inscription of this Discourse (being the untying the first knot) may be defined or expressed in these twelve several Expressions or Definitions. There be these twelve several Definitions of a Round-head, whereby all men may both know and see what and who he is. A Roundhead in Rerum Natura is. 1. A white bald smooth pate, under a Perriwigg of the newest fashion. 2. A smooth round bowl, kissing his Mistress in a long covered Bowling-alley. 3. A very tender thing, for it must at noonday wear a long furred Night cap. 4. That which only appears in the night in bedchambers like a Ghost, or Hobgoblin. 5. An Owl in an Ivy-bush, who cannot endure the light and sight of truth and honesty, as the Owl cannot behold the Sun in the midday. 6. In a Circular motion all the day time, tossed up and down like a Tennis-ball by the Racket of every fool, from one hazard to another, till it hath worn out all its bowels: That is, It is a Roundheaded Gentleman in his new Periwigg, his head and his wits running round, led and carried up and down by every fool from one mischief to another, till he hath worn out and lost all his wits and his money. 7. Is a Civit-catt with a long tail, who is a perfumed odoriferous Perriwigd Roundhead. 8. A sweetfaced Puppy curled and crisped. 9 The Counterfeit of a Holland Cheese with a Map on his head. 10. A living skull wrapped up in a winding sheet of dead men's excrements. 11. A strange homebred Monster, carried up and down in a little house one story high (by the learned called a Sedan) to a Playhouse, where any man may see him for twelve pence a piece upon the Stage. 12 One covered with a narrow brimmd hat. With a top-top-gallant crown very flat. And a round block under that. Well bushed and shagged down to his back. And strongly perfumed with Sack. While his brains do ache and crack. And his tongue doth swear and chat. And curse his Brother Roundheads that. Turned him into a Counter Rat. These Twelve Definitions of a Roundhead, anatomize the Monster to be one who would be thought and called a Gentleman, when indeed he is one of the Rascally witless generation, or a bladder preposterously blown up by the stinking breath of some windy brained fool, with a Peacock's feather in his hat, vapouring and flourishing in the circle of his own conceit, that he is a natural Gentleman borne, when he is but an artificial Woodstreet or Poultrey-Counter-feit Gentleman at his best. This Superlative, admirable wonder (among children and fools) is one that (par la fortune de la guerre) hath lost his natural hair from his natural head: and thereupon he is deprived of his natural wits: his hair being newly gone, his wits went presently after a woolgathering, and along while scattered as fast as they gathered, till at length meeting with a dear and near friend of his Gregory Scotch-mark, a mile beyond Holborne-hill, (a notable Mountebank of approved skill in the cures of all diseases) who adviseth him to some artificialists, whom he furnisheth with all the dead men and women's wool of their heads, which comes under the shaying of his hands every Sessions, who being of notable skill in the excremental art, do at the proper cost and charges of this distressed Gentleman, so compose, contract, and wove this wool, that it is made an excellent covering to hang about his noddle, and then he becomes immediately at the first putting on, and so forwards, an artificial Gentleman Roundhead. And they pass and are esteemed by many for Squires and Gentlemen, of no little wit, and furnish the Arithmeticians of the age with figures and cyphers, whereby in the Arithmeticians account, they are reckoned and cast up in hair infinite, but in wit mere Ciphers. 2. The real Causes producing this Roundhead. There are several causes in Nature, natural causes, therefore according to our description in the Title, we must anatomize this Roundhead in his integrals and excrementalls, from his Round head to his round heel; the discussion whereof will complete the causes producing this Roundhead. For his integrals in general. His soul and body throughout, in all and every part, his whole natural frame and constitution (is for the present) a rude, vast, unpolished Chaos of sin & iniquity, a person who is sold under sin, a slave and vassal to sin, the Devil, the world, the flesh, full of all darkness, corruption, and filth: being most contrary & abominable to all beauty, light, goodness, liberty, and sweetness: So that where there is so universal a contagion and confusion, such a leprosy of iniquity, throughout and all over, it must needs follow undeniably, that here is sufficient matter for the producing of this round-headed Monster. As will more conspicuously appear in the particular anatomising, or emboweling of this Monster in his integrals. First, He is a person whose heart is filled with all manner of profaneness, baseness, and wickedness, as pride, uncleanness, adultery, fornication, idolatry, superstition, atheism, hardness of heart, hatred, envy, full of all deceitfulness, lves, falsehood, evil thoughts, purposes, intents full of treasons and conspiracies, against all that is pure good, holy, heavenly, and spiritual, witness the very consciences of the Roundheads themselves, if they will look into them, and but hear and suffer them to speak. Secondly, He is a person whose mind and intellectual part is full of blindness, darkness, simplicity & gross ignorance, yea palpable gross thick darkness, that may be felt, yea wilful blindness: knowing nothing in any distinct manner of God, or of goodness, of virtue, or themselves, but yet strongly persuaded and conceited in the imagination of their own evil heart (formerly described) of their own wisdom, goodness, and virtue: And for the proof of this, witness all their Pamphlets, all their discourses, all their rail, curse and slanders, from day to day. Their Pamphlets, filled with nothing but profane, foolish, unclean words and expressions, there being nothing substantial or wise according to truth in them: Their discourses being irrational, simple, shallow, blind, yea sottishly ignorant, professing themselves wise, and yet knowing nothing (at least wise as they ought to know) as the Wise man in the Proverbs 28 Chap. 5. ver. proves in these words; Evil men understand not judgement, but they that seek the Lord understand all things: They are foolishly and wickedly ignorant: They in their discourses brag of learning, parts, wits, knowledge, but they are ignorant and understand not Religion, virtue, manners: It hath been as often proved as there be hours in the day, minutes in each hour: That these Roundheads (according to the former description, who are the Roundheads indeed in rerum natura) when they have been in dispute and reasoning with those whom they and their proselytes formerly falsely called by the name of Roundheads, who are indeed those whom the Wise man in the place aforecited, called Seekers of God, and who understand all things: I say, they have not been able to make a rational or true answer to Questions demanded them, nor defend any argument of their own from being torn in pieces, or vanishing into smoke and air; but they have been forced like Ignoramus himself, to hold their peace and learn wit: or if shame and disgrace troubled them, than when they wanted wit to make a rational answer, then to be sure their graceless hearts and tongues did not want curses, lies, oaths, slanders and railing. 3. For his body, both integrals and excrementalls, see the causes producing a Roundhead: He is one whose head and brains is elevated with Sack, strong drink, and Tobacco, whose eyes are full of adultery, his face with patches and plasters, or some of his Lady's favour-sports: his whole body is embalmed to preserve his rotten carcase from offending the nostrils of his friends and companions; or else his face is full of scars, cuts and wounds, in quarrels with brothers of his own Tribe, when they cannot agree in swearing and lying. His nose if not fall'n down flat dead on his face already, yet it is to be feared, it cannot stand upright long. His tongue may be compared to the Devil, yea hell itself, breathing forth nothing but oaths, curses, rail, bawdry every moment. His hands and feet ever in one quarrel or other, or employed in some brothell-house in the lustful embraces and hellish clasp of some of his filthy and unclean Mistresses, and whorish Ladies, till he returns home lame full of the heavy disease by the vulgar sort called the Pox. And thus you have the integrals of this Roundhead described, from the particular causes producing a Roundhead, which in plain terms and few words is this: The evil heart & manners of these men bring them to the Pox, the Pox eats of their natural hair, and so they become Roundheads. And thus went the hair away, the Gentleman becomes bald, his wits here going first away, and a very little returning to him (upon the cure in part wrought) he consults with the artificialists and excrementallists of the time, that he may bring up a new fashion to make Perriwigd Gentlemen. And so we pass to the untying of the third knot, which is, 3. The real properties and peculiarities of a Roundhead, whereby he may be notoriously known and seen by any judicious observant eye. And these properties are not a few, but so many as we shall really collect and comprise within the compass of this short Discourse, we shall endeavour to give the world information of. The Gentleman Roundhead being now created and form by those former producing causes; now you shall see him fashioned in all his excremental perfections. The which, I will comprise under these five heads, and so finish the Discourse. He may be described 1. By his clothing. 2. By his posture. 3. By his discourse or language. 4. By his associates, and his bastard brood. 5. By his actions. First, for his clothing, a singular property, he loves rich clothing, and borrows of all Nations a several dress & attire, he hath infinite mind for change of raiment, as the hairs of his Periwig be infinite and past numbering. Therefore we must begin to reckon from the first artificial hair in his Periwig, to the last artificial stitch in the sole of his Boots: hold, hold, hold, what have we said, we must begin there, we must give our selves a just correction, we do take a cubit from his stature at least, and detract from one of his greatest perfections, by making a dwarf of a proper Gentleman. And our mistake would have been so gross, (if we had not speedily collected and corrected our thoughts) as to have undertaken to have given the description of the height of Paul's only by relating the height of the Church, when we should describe the height of Paul's by the Steeple: But having timely corrected our thoughts we shall endeavour to begin at the height and top of this Roundheaded Gentleman's perfection: (Only a little by the way observe it as one of his chiefest properties, that he loves and prides to be clothed with the newest fashion. And therefore he is full of invention, and his thoughts multiplicious and fruitful, how he may have change of attire and fashion: yea rather than he will want any one fashion, he will so contrive by the advice of his grand and little and nimble council, the professors of the cross-legged art, who are very dexterous in the composure of all fashions contracted and united in one, that this Round-head being clothed in his new trappings, he is made the representative body of all kindreds, tongues, and nations, his Roundhead confining his brains in such a circle, that they run round about the Globed Centre for every new strange fashion.) First therefore for his hat, it is fashioned like the block on which it was squared, being flat crowned, and not made fit to his head, but to his Perriwigg, and therefore it sets to his Perriwigg as lose, as his Perriwigg to his bald pate, (unless it be tied) ready to fall off to the right hand or to the left, to salute his brother Roundhead when he meets him: And we know the reason of this fashion, because these Gallants desire and love to have their wits and heads at liberty, and cannot endure to have their brains bound too fast, or confined in their noddles. Next, their hat is narrow-brimd, & they have a good reason for that, for whereas the ignorant sort object against it, as unprofitable, yea prejudicial, for it exposes their bodies to the weather, They give a sudden answer to this Objection, and prove the contrary, That a good bush doth shelter them better from the weather, with which they are largely furnished. But that we may not forget to hang forth our Colours on the flag-staff before we come down from the main top, we must therefore set out a very fair feather, tied fast with Ribbons of all colours in the Rainbow. He is no true Gentleman without a feather in his cap, and he is no man of war without his colours. Therefore that he may have and claim the property both of Soldier and Gentleman, he will be well feathered. And yet What is lighter than a feather? What is heavier than Lead? A brainless Perriwigged Cavalier, That is a true Roundhead. For his Perriwigg the chiefest jewel about him, being artificially woven and bound together, strongly perfumed, a right colour to a hair it is, which he borrows from several dead men and women, a hair from one, and a hair from a second, and so forward, that he is exceedingly engaged to them for every hair of his head. As for the rest of his clothing downwards, To wit, his Band with buttons and loops under his chin, to the confusion of all Band-string-makers, with his short wasted doublet, long sword, and long breeches, short boots and thundering spurs, being all composed according to the Rules of are and reason, for every stitch of him: The particulars of the recital, would be too tedious and prolix for this short Discourse, and therefore is purposely omitted at present: Because we desire to proceed to the next property of this Roundhead. 2. By his Posture: An admirable posture he hath, he always in stead of standing in a posture of defence, is ever in a posture of offence, he barks and bites, and snaps every one that comes near him, that are not of his own constitution. His very looks strike fools with terror and amazement, his patches and spots on his face, are the ensign that he is a Soldier and a man of offence every inch and stitch of him: His looks are so big and terrible, having such a Majesty in them as is able to make children run away, as if some strange apparition appeared to them of Jack a Dandy, or as if some Bullbeggar, or Buggbeare were ready to eat them up: And indeed their long Periwigs are like so many vissards of ugly shapes and representations, to scare and fright children and fools into good manners: And is not this now a singular property and virtue in them, that they are able by the very Majesty and dreadfulness of their aspect, to work such cures as that children and fools should stand in fear of them, and be ruled and skared into wit and manners. For their valour and magnanimity of spirit, it is beyond expression, for upon the least motion of their head and eyes, they in their imagination apprehend that they drive the whole world before them. The posture of his head, according to the rules of art, knows both his motion in all its severals, and the time thereof, for the most part moving it very stately, deceiving the world thereby with a persuasion that he is as wise and stately as some of the Lord Majors of London, but to be sure as wise & stately as some of your potential Aldermen in their foot motion through the City, or when they sit in their Court at Guildhall And likewise that they have as much Majesty, learning, gravity, justice, as is in the smooth-chinned Judges in Term time in Westminster Hall. But how infinitely these graceless fellows fall short of these honourable men's perfections, let the City of London judge for the one, and the Plaintiffs and Defendants for the other. For the humility of their bodies they excel the whole world, being full of courteous embraces and Court-salutations, their hands and feet ready servants to them at their first command, to act the real dissimulation of their hearts to every one they meet with, what an infinite number of compliments and salutes, do all the rest of their brother Roundheads meet with in a day from these artificial Roundheads: They seldom fight, except they be drunk, and then they are madmen, nothing can appease them, but then all blood and wounds one towards another: They are as swift in the motion of their feet, as the Bears that are led musselled through the City, their legs being so packed up in their great boots, and they forced to straddle in their steps, and walk gingerly, because all is not well with them in their breeches. 3. For their discourse and language, which is their third property: among their own Tribe, nothing but all manner of profane and filthy language of whores and drink, mixed with a thousand oaths and lies, to make themselves merry-like fools who make a sport of sin: And if not in this discourse, than they are relating some false report of the innocent, and such as fear an oath, or else railing and cursing all such as do not observe and follow their humours in their gnorance, profaneness and baseness. 4. For their associates, or bastard brood, Their associates are ever their fellow- Roundheads who are of the same constitution and follow them in all their humours and wickedness: Or else all ignorant profane and senseless doultheads, that know not their right hand from their left in any thing that is good and religious, such whom we call their bastards, they are so like them in conditions and manners: who although they are not of the Gentile sort of Roundheads, and so not Perriwigged and accoutred in their trappings, like these Roundheaded Gallants, yet for conditions and manners they are the natural fools of artificial fools, for profaneness, simplicity, ignorance, and evil manners, they may be very well termed natural Roundheads. Such who are the brainless generation of ignorant persons, That believes as the Church believes, and will rail against and curse that and those which they understand not nor know not. It being ever the property of profane fools to speak evil of that which is good, and of them that profess goodness, through their monstrous ignorance: And they are driven like calves by every ass to the shambles of their own destruction. 5. Their actions is the next property, and these are infinite innumber, and all evil like themselves, they are full of all manner of iniquitie-without measure themselves, and they act all manner of iniquity, Against God, goodness, Religion, and manners. Their King and Country in general. The true worshippers and fearers of God. First, against God himself, continually in rebellion against him, yea open manifest rebellion, refusing to be ruled and governed by his holy Law, or to believe his heavenly Gospel, but despising the one, and slighting the other, do give themselves up to all manner of licentiousness committing iniquity with greediness, by their profaneness, oaths, uncleanness, etc. Against goodness, ever railing, hating, mocking at goodness, preciseness, or holiness: Against Religion, Therefore are they so zealous for all false impure, mixed, popish worship and ceremonies (As for the Common Prayer Book, which is a thing first invented and composed by the enemy of God, and of Christ, To wit, Antichrist the Pope being extracted out of the Mass-book, a mere compound of errors, confusion, additions, and subtractions to and from the Scriptures, man's invention, and yet this offered to God as his worship, against his express command, That whosoever adds to his Word or takes from it, shall have his name blotted out of the book of life: And that it is a vain worship of God to worship him after, or by the traditions of men, against his express will, who will have his worship both for matter and manner pure, without mixture, spiritual with out earthly invention or composute, 〈…〉 set down his whole mind and will, how he will be worshipped and at what manner in his Word and Testament. But a reason may be given why they are so zealous for their ignorant devotion in the Common-Prayer-book is, because they are furnished from the Litany with oaths, as, by thy wounds and blood, by thy agony, by thy death: And from the Apocrypha Chapters in the Service-booke with lies: so they learn to swear and lie, for not any of them are converted to leave off swearing and lying, but they are nourished and strengthened in their ignorance and superstition and profaneness by it:) and so for Bishops, Altars, Crosses, and what not. Against all good manners and honest conversation, by their riotous, drunken, and profane actions. Secondly, They are against the King and Country in general, The only disturbers, traitors, and rebels in the State, sowing discord and division in the hearts of all they can infect with their traitorous counsels, possessing the King with evil thoughts of the Parliament, practising daily mischief against the honest and faithful and loyal endeavours of this ever honoured & religious Parliament; but great hope is, their mischief shall return upon their own pate, by the wisdom and innocency, and integrity of that gracious Assembly. Thirdly, Against the true worshippers and fearers of God, by malicious lies and slanders of them, terming them fools, Roundheads, Preachers in tubbs, and by their execrations and curses of them; But the curse that is causeless shall not come, nor the terms that are groundless shall not remain upon good men: But shall return upon the pates of the first inventors. And thus you have the Soundheads description of the Roundheads fully Anatomised. FINIS.