A satirical catechism BETWIXT A neuter and a ROUND-HEAD. Also how the Round-head converted the neuter, and promised him an Excise Office. Very pleasing to read to all those which love God, honour their King, and are their own wel-wishers. With a Song. N. stands for neuter, and R. stands for Round-head. LONDON, Printed in the Year, 1648. A satirical catechism. N. WHat is your Name? R. Round-head: and Brother! N. Who gave you that Name? R. My Brothers and Sisters. N. Who made you? the Devil. R. The gods, N. How many gods be there? R. One. N. How many persons? too many more than are good. R. About an hundred. N Did these gods make any men? R. Ye●. N. Which be they? R. Generals, Colonels, Captaines, Excise-men, Committees, and the like. gods and his sons, like to like, quoth the Devil to the collier. N. According to what shape and fashion made they them? R. According to their own image. kn●ve-like. N. Wherefore did these gods, and gods of bloody War, raise Warres? R. Because the King was an obstinate Fellow, and would not yield to his lords and gods. What a Roundheaded Rogue is this? N. What, is the King such a man as you talk of? R. Yes verily, he is a perverse man, an obstinate man, a cruel man, a despiser of these holy gods, a threatner of our Brothers and Sisters, and will surely destroy this Nation. These are the cries of rebellious traitors which accuse falsely in some things a righteous King. N. But are you sure he would root out your Brotherhood? As sure as eggs be eggs, it's pity they have stood so long. R. Yes, sure enough. N. But are you sure he would destroy this Nation? R. Is there any other likelihood, having a bloody heart? The Devil choke you, for sure a lie will not; accursed Iudas to speak evilly of thy Master. N. Why doth he not come to a personal treaty? R. Because he deserveth not the Crown, he shall or hath no right to the Crown. More right than king Tom or copper-nose Oliver two good bits for the hangman. N. Why was he not crwoned at Westminster as other Kings were? R. Yes that's certain, but he hath lost his Crown in fighting against the gods of of England, and the saints of this Nation, and we will give his Crown to one that better deserves it, and he shall have it, and none but he. What for resisting traitors and Rebels must he loose his Crown: know Devils sons we will pou●d you in mortars; and king Tom shall be a head lower than he is if a Rope do not catch him. N. What is he that shall have the Crown, say you? A rebel, I know before hand. R. That high and mighty, illustrious, most famous, most powerful, most glorious son to the gods at Westminster, name his Excellency my lord Thomas Fairfax, general to all the forces under the gods; or that that ever blessed man s●t Oliver cronwell. Here are stiles and titles to those which have cut Protestants throats, murdered women, dashed children against the walls, which have made the ground suck Subjects blood, which desire still more Warres, which thirst after the blood of Kings and Princes, and to bring three kingdoms to destruction. N. Are these men very fit for the Crown? R. Ah, Yes. not so fit as they are for the halter. N. What good parts have they? none at all. R. The best parts as may be, namely, obedience to their gods, endowed with wisdom, having the spirits of their gods always with them, and in love abounding to this Nation. The worst that may be, namely, fighting against the God of Heaven, against their King, breaking the laws of God, and the laws of the Land, usurping over three Nations to bring them to ruin. N. Did ever the King conspire against his own Father King James? R. Believe it, and credit it, for it is as sure as I am a saint to the gods. 'Tis as false as God is true thou son of Belial. N. 'Tis very marvelous to me, for I always took the King to be a wise, discreet man, one never given to lust and impiety. 'Tis very true, that he is a virtuous King, and believe not that Round-head whose tongue is like a poisoned asp. R. Trust me, & believe me, never did any king deserve to be thrust out of his throne but this. Never did king deserve a more glorious name than King Charles, thou Limb of a Devil. N. What way hath he ever deserved to thrust out of the seat of majesty. none at all. R. I will tell you, first for leaving his just, his holy Parliament, the gods of Westminster. The Devils of ENGLAND. 2. For raising an army to put down the gods good reason too. 3. He striven to put down the Presbyterian government, to dissolve the grave Synod. A crew of Caterpillars. 4. He vowed to frustrate the assemblings of our Brothers and Sisters. These saints sprung out of a house of office and baptized therein. 5. For standing against his excellency my lord Thomas Fairfax his lord and master. A pretty bide the son of a Knave, Which stinks above ground, as he lies in his grave. 6. For standing against the high mighty St Oliver cromwell. There is a fiery faced Gentman, and a right Puritan. 7. For opposing the army under the command of the generals my lord Fairfax, and s●t Oliver cromwell. king Tom and his Army here is set down, Tom may catch a halter in stead of a Crown. 8. For fighting in England without the gods consent. A crew of Devils in the form of gods. 9. He vowed to put down all Excises and Excise-men. A good dead, not so thought by Reprobates. 10. And lastly, he would put down all the holy Committees under the gods and the army; the very staff to uphold three kingdoms, a strong pillar to this Nation; religious men, wise men, grave men, understanding, in grieving at the calamities of this Nation. The very staff to break our bones, and the very rod to scourge us, a strong pillar to the gods, a weak support to the Nation; witty men having the cheaters art, beardless boyes a many, rejoicing at our destruction. N. To put down the Committees and Excise-men I think it is no great matter, for our Nation can live without them. Very well, but knaves will rule the roast. R. Oh, No, if they were down then we could have no means I see from the city, nor from the country to maintain the gods and the army, for they are those that gather it for the Parliaments use and to pay the army; if men will not pay, these are such zealous saints that they plunder and pillage, and imprison those that will not pay nor obey the command of their lords and gods assembled at Westminster. Here are Parliament saints indeed, these and the Devils at Westminster make Money their gods; when the King and Kingdom, whilst the Army is not paid, but they are clapping their Dogges on the back to bite us, to tare us, to kill us poor distressed Sheep, wanting our Shepherd. N. Me thinks it is a very monster-like part to imprison men for Taxations, what if they are not able to pay you, Will you imprison them. Those which are in the Devils jaws, Must sure be torn by his fowle claws. R. Yes, sure enough, for we must have it, and will have, if it be above ground, we will hold their malignant no●es to the grindstone, we will make them work their fingers to the bones, if not they shall be enslaved all the dayes of their lives. Must was for the King, now for the gods, these are those merciful merciless men believe him he speaks true in this. Before our moneys they will lack, Poor Protestants shall go to wrack. N. I had thought your hearts had not been so flinty, Why will you will wrong Christians for nothing? to plough long furrows upon their backs? 'Tis often seen, the weakest must go to the wall: Can the lamb expect any favour from the wolf or prickear'd Fox? R. For this, first, They hate our lords and gods assembled at Westminster, 2. They love King Charles, and would have him have the Crown. 3. They cannot abide the Generals nor the army. 4. They care not for our Brotherhood, nor the assembly of Divines. 5. They cannot abide the Committees nor Excise-men, but they speak evil of good, and of good evil. And cause they have enough to hate them; much cause they have to love our gracious King: we are not like to Pelycans, to love those which suck our blood: Can we care for those which hate the King? Oh no. Excise-men for the gods be very commodious, the name of Committees to good men is odious. N. Ought the gods at Westminster, the army, the Divines, the assembling of the saints, the sitting of Committees, and the gatherer of Excises to be highly esteemed? No, for they are Traitors to ●he Kings Crown, Rebels to the Nation, inhuman creatures, devouring Dragons, spitting forth their poisoning stink. R. O Yes, for by these the Nation is freed, 1 of a King, 2. of a Queen, 3. of a Prince and a Duke, 4. freed from Bishops and the like, which will cause glory to this Nation, heaps of joy will come so fast that the sons and servants of the gods will think the hills and mountaines will dance and leap for joy. It would be better if they were all hanged, than King Charles should be unthroned, or the Queen, Prince, and Duke desouled, but the blood of Gods dear children cries out for vengeance, your sins stink like the dung-hill in Gods nostrils, your peace is turned into war, our King to many kings, N. Then it is very good the King should be cut off and others sit on the Throne appointed by the gods at Westminster? The worst thing that ever was hatched, a plot acted by the Devil. R. Nothing like it. N. Seeing your god● are honoured so, upon condition I may be preferred to an Excise Office, I will ever honour your gods, hate King Charles, love Thomas, which shall be King, and fight whilst I have a leg to stand on. Thou fool, What wilt thou forsake the truth of God, the Commandments of God, and join to the Devils way onely for a little muck: but, Birds of a feather Will flock together. R. I am glad thou art converted, thou shalt be preferrd, if ever thou wilt renounce the King and the ancient laws. Thou Roundheaded Knave, which converted hath A neuter from his former faith. But Knaves have learned such knavish arts, They'l fight for Tom the knave of Hearts. A Song concerning Mercurius Britannicus, To the Tune of When the King enjoys his Rights again, &c. BRitannicus that Son of a Whore, hatched by a Parliament before, Instructed by a Puritan, Rebellious writ since Warres began, Against the King, in every thing, And scandeliz'd the Royal Train, Behold Parliament, your own hearts content, Britannicus is come from Hell again. Lucifer this Cerberus got Of Succubus, full well I wot, beelzeebub his Grandsire is, And python did this Villain kiss, With Lemures, he walks and allures Those men which love the royal Train, Behold Parliament, your own hearts content, Britannicus is come from Hell again. Belial borrowed Pluto's Horse, And brought him by the Furies force, Here he was and did remain Till Fiends did fetch him back again, He came to his rest, and there was blessed, By th' Devil and his infernal train, Behold Parliament, your hearts content, Britannicus is come from Hell again. Orphneus one of the Horses of Hell Brought him by a charming spell, Because his father he doth serve, And from his statutes will not swerve For he before aloud did roar, Against the King and royal Train, Behold Parliament, your own hearts content, Britannicus is come from Hell again. Incubus that great mighty mere, In this famed Imp hath a great share, Now here a fiend doth him possess, And shows him how to wright his mess Of cursed Broth, he hath made a troth To Pluto servile he'l remain, Behold Parliament, your own content, Britannicus is come from Hell again. FINIS. THou England which art violated, Thy wrongs, let them be highly ranted: The King which is thy sovereign Lord He is kept under by the Sword, Ignoble Lords do keep him out, Which show themselves a swinish rout: Although their beams a while do glow, I hope to see their overthrow: Usurping men to rule, no King Me thinks is base in every thing. Did Pluto's Palace consecrate To you which call yourselves the State? Then sure it comes by th'Devils power, And needs must weather like a flower. Though you our blood do drink and quafe, And make our sorrow all your lafe. This stormy Night will pass away, We sure shall see a glorious day. Then weep no more, but gird about Your armor on, then range throughout The spacious fields, upon some plain Whereas your Brethren have been slain, There also die, or ever live To have your own, then you may give To Charles his due, and traitors eke, Which for our ruin daily seek, But never look for peace to come, Without the sound of trump and drum. You see to mischief they are bent, This is the fruits of Parliament. Clatter your Swords, let muskets fly, To th' King they are an enemy. Alas poor Land! Is this thy hope? To take the Devil, shun the Pope: You see your misery and state, How you are killed, how they you hate, And dayes of joy do celebrate. FINIS.