Tho. Sawyer of Magd. Coll was the author of Antigamus following▪  
See A … ●t Fa●● Oxon Vol. 2. P. 884.   

ANTIGAMUS OR A satire against MARRIAGE.  

1.  
HEnce, hence ye Matrymonial tools,  
Ye thin-leged, pale-faced, meager train,  
Ye Proselytes to empty rules,  
Formed by some nice Adulterers brain;  

Hence chilly threadbare Stoic Chastity  
Lust pinched and starved by rude Morality,  
And welcome well-fed sprightly Lechery.   
Methinks I feel the noble godlike guest,  
Briskly advancing to command my breast.  
My thoughts, Seraglio-like are richly stored  
With the best Girls the Universe afford:  
My wishes burn my imaginations glow,  
And my free choice distracts me what to do  
But Pilot-like, I will attack each Whore  
Till Nature's Helm shall steer me to some shore.   

2.  
Marriage that religious Cheat,  
By which man kind their freedom lose,  
Shall ne'er my use of sense defeat,  
Or in its specious Hamprings noose.  

Marriage that state of slavish drudgery  
The clog that cramps and galls our Liberty,  
The blind effect of doting foolery.   
Let Court-born Brats, like Frogs, complete  
Their births, scarce born Engender in the heat;  
Let 'Squires their Bridgets to their beds prefer,  
Choosed by the cuuning well feed Housekeeper;  
I'll propagate my universal Love  
While the quick-motioned springs of youth can move  
When age steals on, and life becomes a curse,  
Perhaps I'll then vouchsafe to keep a Nurse.   

3  
Tell me some humble Hen-pecked Citt  
The numerous wracks attend thy life;  
What crowds of Ills together mere,  
And Centre in a snarlish Wife.  

No zealous Drab mad or prophetic grown  
Or pale Fanatic bawling down the Crown  
Storms half so loud or with so shrill a tone.   
How sneaking must the lessoned Schoolboy stand  
With heavy down-cast-eye, and Cap in hand,  
And if her chattering Clack one Note she rears,  
He dreads the present forfeiture of his ears:  
Dare he reply, Stools, Chairs, and all she'll hurl  
Or worry with her nails the saucy Churl.  
The Victrix-spouse scorns ever to comply,  
Unless with ends to serve her Lechery.   

4  
Brag on thou fondling fawning Sot  
Who art by modest outsides gulled  
Thou blinded credulous Idiot,  
In mere conceits of virtue lulled.  

Let but thy darling Nest-bird take the air  
From place to place she'll flutter first with care,  
Then try her wings and prove a wonderer.   
In harmless wanton sports she'll freely join,  
And with her fellow Innocents' combine  
Till we the well-flown Vulture hungry room  
And seize the harmless Captives far from home.  
Grasped in our Talons they become the prey  
And at their deaths perceive th've gone astray:  
Thus we brave souls to Luxury are fed  
With the fat Quarry of the Marriagebed.   

5.  
I challenge all tame wedlock Drones  
Who the dull badge of Husband wear  
T' allege their consolations  
Secure from jealousies and fear,  

How could the mighty Caesar's lustre shine,  
Though crowding Laurels round his temples twine  
Ecclypsed by hot-tailed bawdy Messalina?   
How wisely did the wand'ring Trojan' Squire  
Leave his Cerusa scorching in Troy's fire!  
The Carthage Dames well liked his manly face,  
He promised much because of Bastard-race  
Maugre Tar-breeches, Maugre sunburnt meene  
He boldly ventured and debauched a Queen.  
Thus piously endued the Hero fled,  
Where fates ordained and choice of whoring led,   

6.  
Curse on that Grecian * Spinning Spouse,  
Who when Brisk Lovers daily came  
Was making Cheese, or Sweeping house,  
And would not entertain their flame  

This Idle, Old, Cold, Drowsy, Rusty, Mome.  
Was glad to see her totter'd* Wisdom come;  
Kissed wrinkled Dear, and bid him welcome home.   
He underwent the shocks of Fire and Steel,  
While  Chickney sat purring at the Wheel.  
But Oh! th' Embraces when these Lovers met,  
The Furrows of their Cheeks with slobbering wet.  
One would have thought th' Hero's long delay  
Had made him pampered for Venereal play;  
But he must first the Trojan wars repeat,  
His Love with too long fasting could not eat.   

7  
Arm, arm, my Lads to Venus' Wars,  
My faithful, dauntless Volunteers,  
Courageously withstand all jars  
And ransack Cuckold Mutineers.  

Thus the old Romans their first Conquest made,  
The Sabine Virgins they at first betrayed  
This flushed their Valour, than the world obeyed.   
Cannot your blood Jone's great Example stir,  
Jove the most Famed and Grand Adulterer?  
He, who in Incest first his power begun,  
Gave Earthly Empires to each Bastard Son.  
We are his Race, our Actions speak us so,  
Nor need we doubt reward if on we go.  
Sound Loves Trumpet, fill all the Cyprian plain,  
we'll Fight, and Wheel, and Rally up again.   

8  
The Battle's done, and Ours the day,  
And though the short dispute was hot,  
The Captives will our Labour pay,  
The Pretty Amozons 've got.  

This Merchant's wife brings store of Silks & Wine,  
That Goldsmith Consort's fraught with bags of Coyn.  
All, all their Husband's Treasuries purloyn.   
These are the fields we Lusty Champions fight,  
Our Labours please us, and our Pains delight;  
While easy Cowards lazily content  
Themselves with one a Nuptial Curse hath sent.  
Let the head-aching mortals grunt and groan,  
And bind their swelling Foreheads making moan;  
Let Snivelling Mopsa run at Nose and cry,  
Oh Dear! my husband I'm afraid he'll die.   

9  
May I (ye Gods) who Patrons are  
To Lust and sweet Debauchery,  
Brow-Antlers on my Frontlet's waer,  
Stamped with the mark of Cuckoldry.  

If I t' Ill-natured peevishness submit,  
And Curb my reason in a Marriage bit,  
May Boys deriding at me Turnips hit;   
May I set Smoking in a Country Cot;  
Yoked with my Heifer skimming of a Pot;  
May I like Starveling Prigg to Market troth  
On sober Ball, sell Eggs to get a Groat;  
May the Black, Rude, Companion of my bed  
Cry Hastings ripe, or Chief cakes on her head;  
May Smiths and Tinkers, either out of spo.  
Or Spite, my homespun Doxy court.   

10.  
Strongly I feel my raging blood  
Beat and attempt to overflow;  
The Channels scarce contain the Flood,  
And Nature's Springs Luxuriant grow.  

As when Nile swells with fat impetuous Tides,  
Richly insulting o'er the Banks he rides,  
O'er beauteous flowers & Plants he gently glides.   
Thus I though furious and tempestuous made,  
Will gently force, and calmly Nymphs invade.  
I am resolved, and nothing hinders me,  
No Shanker pox, or running Ghonorrhy,  
I'll on with all my lusty Myrmidons,  
Straight-limbed, well-built, with firmly marrowed bones;  
Let Deformed wretches with all Ill humour crammed,  
Go Marry if they can, and so be damned.   
FINIS.