THE TRUE CHARACTER OF AN UNTRUE BISHOP.  
WITH A Recipe at the end, how to recover a Bishop if he were lost.  
LONDON, Printed in the year 1641.   

THE TRUE CHARACTER OF AN Untrue Bishop. With a Recipe at the end, how to recover a Bishop if he were lost.  
IF you ask me of what calling he is, I answer, I know not; for sometimes I find him in Tribunali, in a Court of justice; sometimes in suggesto, in a Pulpit: In the first, so much against God's will, in the second, so much against his own will, that as he hath not a right to the one, he prizeth not a right to the other. And what can I call this man?  
2 If you demand of what Religion he is; I know not. He doth protest he is not a Papist, and I would willingly believe him; yet he persecutes Protestants, and so I must necessarily doubt him. He is to me like the Pictures, which by several lights, hold forth a several representation: On the one side you see a pleasant Angel, on the other side a grim satire.  
3 He always either acteth or commandeth contradictions: For he calls a Puritan an hypocrite, because he useth long prayers; and yet placeth all his religion in a daily Service of two hours long.  
4 He disclaims Popery, and yet challengeth his function by succession from the Pope, who lineally descends from Peter; though (like the Pope) he succeeds Peter in nothing but denying his Master.  
5 He cryeth, No Bishop, no King; thereby professing Episcopacy the chief handmaid of Monarchy; and yet exerciseth, contrary to law, regal jurisdiction in his own name, and his own Courts. Is not this slily to supplant Monarchy?  
6 He is a true pattern of Judas, who of all the Apostles is styled a Bishop; for he cryeth, Hail Master, King of the Jews, and then kisseth him with a treacherous design. Just as an Elephant, who croucheth to his Master, till the youthful blood doth begin, ebullire, to boil in his veins, and then he tramples upon him.  
7 He saith that Miracles are ceased long ago, though he worketh miracles every day: For he maintaineth universal grace, and yet forbiddeth preaching, the means of grace.  
8 He institutes (quo jure I know not) Saints days, or holy days, and yet will not permit any holiness that day, either in our general or particular calling: For work, men may not; and hear Sermons they cannot, there being none.  
9 He exceedingly magnifieth that sweet and holy prayer, that prayer which is most full of strength and affection, which is the pattern of prayer, the Lords prayer; and yet maketh this the means whereby he would take away all use of prayer, while he wrappeth up all in that, and makes that a pillar to uphold his No-prayer, his Bidding-prayer.  
10 He feareth and shuneth Crosses as much as another man, and yet maketh the Cross a main (medium) means of all his devotions.  
11 He contends with the two Witnesses, Reve. 11.10. as the Magicians of Egypt did with Moses and Aaron, who should be most powerful in Miracles: They, during the time of their prophecy, shut up heaven that it rain not; He, during the time of his dominion, commands the malignant Intelligences, that plagues, murrains, famines, new diseases fall down no less frequently, than hail, rain, or snow.  
12 And as he worketh miracles, so miracles are wrought upon him; for he is all this while, Talpâ cacior, blinder than a Mole, and seethe not, that all his efforts are but that rage which the Prince of the air must express, as his time hasteneth, are but the Bishop his last thrusts: For Rome's Civil and Ecclesiastical tyranny, with all the dependences thereof, are falling, like a millstone into the sea; God being now ready to pour, or in pouring out the fifth vial. But all this he seethe not, else (as Solomon saith, Go to the Ant thou sluggard) he would learn even with Rats and Mice, to withdraw from the tottering house of this his Hierarchy, unwarranted in Scripture. He hath eyes and seethe not, ears and heareth not, and so is it with all those that listen to him. But light is coming, and (which is the greatest miracle of all) they who are the main enemies, shall be chief authors of a most glorious Reformation, and that by opposing it.  
13 He thought with his Predecessor, the Pope, not to have left Lay men other helps in Divinity than Imagery, calling Images Lay men's books. But Lay men have of late so outstripped him in that study, that all Episcopal Theology concentred in one, will be but the Image of the true Divinity, which may be found amongst Lay men. Witness those mighty Comments made by some worthy members, of the most honourable assembly of the house of Commons, upon those Monstrous, Babilonish, Menstruous Cannons of theirs, which have nothing good in them but this, that by their eminency in their kind, they have not left posterity a possibility of exceeding them.  
14 He, by his consecration, makes holy that which God hath made common; as Bells, Bel ropes, Candles, Corporals and Altars: Orpheus could advance from vegetative to sensitive; for plants and trees were ravished by the sweet and charming touch of his instrument; But a Bishop can do more: That which is common, he maketh holy.  
15 He again can abase that which God hath exalted: For by execration he doth anathematise the souls of most precious Saints. By his consecration he doth advance: By his execration he doth abase: And who may control him?  Divisum imperium cum Jove Papa tenet. The Pope reigns as God. 
16 He puts holiness into the stones of the Temple, and it is he that rendereth unholy, that maketh stony his own heart and the hearts of his followers, which men call the visible Temples of the holy Ghost: Witness his many Sparrowish, Wren-like wanton extravagances which we meet with from men of that coat in our Committees, and have known complained of in the high Commission.  Divisum imperium cum Jove Prasul habet. The Bishop reigns as God. 
17 He is learned in almost all arts and sciences: He is an excellent judicial ginger; for whereas Picus Mirandula, Julius Caesar, Cornelius à Lapide, cum multis aliis, deny any certain knowledge of our condition by the influence of celestial bodies, he saith boldly and truly, Let him be but under the gracious aspect of Charles his Wain, and he is confident all will do well.  
18 He is no less skilful in the Metaphysics, for whilst he hold unity, 
●hese words, 〈◊〉 d●ssenteth, 〈◊〉▪ to the end 〈◊〉 the 18. staff ●●e to be read 〈◊〉 the end of ●●e 19▪ staff.  verity, and bonity, termini convertibiles, divers names expressing the same thing, finding unity in the Papal Hierarchy, he concludes, that we must go to Rome for truth and goodness. He dissenteth not much from the Jesuits, who are altogether Paracelsians, in as much as they make famous those three Principles, Sal, Mercury, and Sulphur: Salt they make the principal of all Christianity in their baptism; Mercury, the father of lies and equivocations, is to them the Principle of all doctrine and practice; they laid Sulphur, or Gunpowder, under the Parliament house for a Principle of Reformation in England.  
19 He is a rare Physician; whilst some contend for Hypocrates and Galen their way, some for Paracelsus, he concludes, that Paracelsus is better, and so dealeth wholly in Spirits, leaving none that come within his Courts any thing more than skin and bone: yea, by this his art he can turn any thing into gold, making money of every body that cometh within his reach.  
20 He is well versed in moral Philosophy: whilst the Moralist doth dispute, Vtrum prudentia sit virtus moralis, an intellectualis, he denieth any such virtue at all, else sure he would never have ventured his glorious calling for his vote in Parliament; for by striving to keep the one, he is like to lose both.  
21 He knoweth that what is ultimum in executione, is primum in intention, last in execution, first in intention; and so he being by a cure of souls invested into Officium & Beneficium, Office and benefice, his mind his wholly bend upon the last.  
22 He knoweth very well the weight of a Circumstance, knoweth that that which is in one art a Ceremony, in another is a Substance; and therefore punisheth the breach of a Ceremony with suspension, excommunication, deprivation, whilst fornication and adultery are committed many times for four shillings.  
23 He is a good Mathematician, he hath found out Quadraturam Circuli, squaring of a Circle: for our Island and Crown were tantum non, almost wholly with the whole world reduced in obedience to his square Cap.  
24 In the midst of all this learning, he is of a very tender conscience: In observing that some thoughtlesse Christians did neglect their particular calling by Sermon-hunting, and so began to idolise preaching, he imitateth good Hezekiah, and taketh away the Brazen Serpent, taketh away Sermons.  
25 He observeth the Scripture in the Spirit of it, useth his greatest Adversaries with most meekness; I mean, the Separation, and the Non-conformists; concluding, that diversity of opinions will beget their ruin, and establish him in his station.  
26 He is a great imitator of Saint Paul, he becomes all to all that he may, if possible, win some; for he is something of a Lutheran in the Ceremonies, something of a Calvinist in doctrine, a Popish Disciplinarian in all things but self-whipping.  
27 He is half a Precisian in the outward man. He loveth little bands, short hair, grave looks; but had rather be slain at Tyburn, than preach in a cloak (though Paul sent for his on some such occasion from Treas) or stand at the end of a Table, he is so unacquainted with preaching either there, or elsewhere.  
28 He is half a Precisian in the inward man, abstaineth from blood (by the Canon law he may not vote in blood) and meat offered to Idols, for there is no such in the Shambles. But what his judgement is for things strangled, our Prisons can tell, where many a good Minister hath been pined and starved. And for fornication, you may judge by his commutation, which should go to the poor, but serveth his wife for pins.  
29 He is half a Jew, he contends for Priests and Altars, though he will not use the word Sabbath, lest he should judaize throughout.  
30 In all these complying like a wise man, he is true to himself. For though he saith the fourth Commandment is jure humano, yet he saith Bishops are jure divino.  
31 He standeth at the Belief, yet he hardly believeth what he standeth to; else he would not be so severe to the members of Christ.  
32 If he be a Heretic in any thing, it is in rebaptisation, which he calleth Bishopping, and yet styleth an Anabaptist an Heretic.  
33 He doth with the Spirit conclude, that bodily exercise profiteth nothing, and therefore limits both prayer and preaching before Sermon, precisely to an hour.  
34 He hateth his enthusiastic fumaticks, who talk so much of the Spirit; and professeth his skill of the Spirit in Philosophy, to be confined to natural, vital, and animal; past animal he cannot go: in Divinity, to the third Person in the Trinity, to the soul of good and bad men, to good and bad Angels; further he doth not know.  
35 God is no regarder of persons, but requireth holiness on his days. He is a respecter of men, but holdeth all days alike.  
36 Nay, he is not so great an enemy to Reformation as some think. For he storms at the tyranny of the English-Church-government, which forceth a man against his conscience to swear or to vow, and that three times, Nolo episcopari, I will not be a Bishop; when (note the text) the Spirit saith, He that desireth the office of a Bishop, desireth a good thing. He hearty wisheth that the word Lollard in the Statute were turned into the word Puritan, for he would then make quick work.  
37 In short, he is a great Divine. By his acute wit and deep learning he hath much facilitated the work of a Divine. For as Lewis the 11. reduceth all his King-learning to this, Qui nescit dissi●ulare, nescit regnare, he that cannot dissemble, cannot be a King; so hath he epitomised the necessary work of a Divine to this, Qui novit bene legere, novit bene praedicare, a good reader is a good Preacher; and indeed that is of greater consequence than some think for: for if a man be come but to that height of learning that the Ordinary can say, Legit ut Clericus, he reads like a Clerk, he shall never see the Gallows. And here I think it will be high time to leave the Bishop, lest he should say with the slave in the Poet, Ego vapulando, ille verborando; I with hearing, and you with relating the truth are weary: and so I conclude the Bishop's Character.  
38 But lest after ages should desire to recall what we labour to reject, and so our posterity should with the Romans be forced to Solon and Athens for laws, should be forced to run to Rome for a Bishop; give me leave to present you with a Recipe, which if you administer to the right party, you shall never want a Bishop whilst the world standeth.  

THE RECIPE.  
Recipe 1. IN stead of the magistral of Pearl, the magistral of some of those consecrated stones which are to be found under the high Altar in Saint Paul's. Secondly, The scales of a consecrated Clapper, almost mouldered to nothing by the peevishness of a Scottish Puritan, which would not let the bells ring upon their Sabbath: of these two an equal quantity.  
2 Two ounces of the painting of the old Crucifix found in Christ's Church three years ago. Secondly, all that quantity which remaineth of the scull of Bradford, Latimer, Ridley, and others of those Heretics that suffered under Bonner and Gardiner, with half a pound of powder, which Faux laid treasured up under the Parliament house.  
3 Put all these, with a sufficient quantity of Puritans ears, and the greasy cover of a Singing-mans' Common Prayer Book, used by him in some great Cathedral these seven last years, into the Mitre sent out of Italy lately, as a harbinger of what must have followed.  
4 Be careful to lute this Mitre with three spoonfuls of a Pluralists fasting spittle, with a salt chemically extracted, by a skilful hand, out of the first square cap that was worn by our Archbishop after the Reformation.  
5 Set it on the fire at a Canonical hour, and so double the heat at every Canonical time, till these be boiled up to a perfect decoction.  
6 Dry it, but dry it only at an Eastern Sun, and when it is dry enough, then beat it into powder, and lest any bigger pieces should remain, scarce it in three several lawns.  
7 First, that  with which Flora the famous Roman strumpet adorned herself in her greatest glory. Secondly, in that which Cleopatra a Queen and strumpet of Egypt dressed herself in when she entertained Anthony. Thirdly, and lastly, in a piece of the  of a Bishop's sleeve, as famous for spiritual whoredom, as they for outward and bodily.  
8 When this powder is thus perfect, make it up into several doses, and wrap up everyone in a piece of Apocrypha Scripture. Administer it upon All Saint's day, or at least upon some Holiday.  
9 Then give it to some young man that hath read more postils than other Commentators, of either as few as may be: who holdeth the Master of the Sentences, with Scotus, and Thomas, the only learning, though he rather know their names, than their parts. Who reads Calvin to confute him, and commends Luther's violence fare above his conscience. Who deemeth Orthodox Divinity the learning of fools, but Arminianism, Socinianism, Pelagianisme, a fit study for wits. Who thinketh Doctrine and Use the way indeed to save souls, but strong lines the encomium of a rare Preacher. Who commendeth tenderness of conscience in him which refuseth two livings, and yet keepeth three themselves. Who calls for obedience to the Church, and knoweth not what the Church is, neither careth to know what she commands. Lastly, who weareth a little band, a long Cassock, a little longer than his Cloak, a fine holliock for the knot of his girdle.  
10 Let this man but take for three mornings together three doses of this powder, after he hath made three legs to the East, or to the Altar, and if he swallow not three Bishoprics, with three Commendams to every one of them. I am grossly mistaken.   
FINIS.