THE TWO GRAND ENGROSSERS OF COALS: VIZ. The Woodmonger, and the Chandler. IN A DIALOGUE, Expressing their unjust, and cruel raising the price of COALS, when, and how they please, to the general oppression of the Poor.  
PENNED On purpose to lay open their subtle practices, and for the relief of many thousands of poor people, in, and about the Cities of LONDON, and WESTMINSTER.  
By a Well-willer to the prosperity of this famous Commonwealth.  
London, Printed for John Harrison at the Holy-Lamb at the East end of S. Paul's, 1653.   

The Preface to the Reader.  
THough the people of this Nation have expected to see a general Reformation of gross abuses and dishonest deal, and thereupon have not spared for any costs and charges to the just promoting and furthering it in all callings and professions; yet such is the policy & mystical depth of deceitfulness of some men in their courses, that they can even delude the most circumspect and wisest Spectators. I verily believe, that of all the sly and subtle Cormorants in this Nation, there are not any that do outstrip these two Craftsmen, to wit, the Woodmonger, and the Chandler; and therefore it is endeavoured in this Dialogue to discover them to the full, and assure thyself (good Reader) 'tis but the Truth, and necessary to be showed to the World's view: so 'tis referred to thy approbation and judgement.   

The two grand Engrossers of Coals, viz. The Woodmonger, and the Chandler.  Chandler. 
HOW is it with you Brother Stop-coale? Me thinks you look something dull and melancholic, and yet you nor I have any cause to be discouraged especially at this time of the year.  Woodmonger. 
Why so, dear Cousin Hoord-coale? No man's state is certain, I am full of fears, doubts, and jealousies, left some honest hearted and well affected to the good of this Commonwealth, and for the general good of the Belly, Cold, and Backtold generation of poor Tradesmen, with their Wives, Children, and Servants, from whom (as you know a little better than I) we Sponges do suck no small gains; I tell you I doubt some honest Commissioners will be appointed suddenly to be Examiner's and Overseers of our actions, and then, you know what follows, I know your Cause and mine will be bad enough, and too bad for us to uphold.  Chandler. 
Tush, what's that the matter? dost thou not know the old Proverb? Knaves have better luck than honester men: cannot we join and make a purse? and you know, silver bags will work, especially with good store of Wine, and a rich Feast; and for the cry of the poor I esteem it no more than a flea-biting, and howling of a few poor Curs at the Moon: let the poor cool their heels, we have swarms of them in our Parish, and I am glad of it, for they support me, and are my best Merchants, especially in frost and snow, and saturdays at night, or if it be on the Lord's day i'th' morning, at these times I can put off any that's black as a coal, though it be a stone, and at any rates, because of the season; and poor fools they take me to be a very charitable minded man: and besides all this, a 'gainst a good time, or in the hardest weather, I send out to the Churchwardens and Overseers of the poor but one half cauldron of Coals to be distributed to poor Families, though they have the consciences to give but half, and keep the other to themselves; ah Brother! 'tis so, yet all the poor are stilled, and pray to God for me, as a wonderful charitable minded man, when as I tell you, I did it out of policy, and not charity, and to get more custom for my coals.  Woodmonger. 
I commend your policy, I see that good wits jump together; it's my method too I promise you, better to part with the draff then to lose all, only I differ from your practice in this, that you send half a cauldron to the Officers, but I send to the poor themselves to fetch them, whereby I view all my Customers, and have their manifold prayers, yet God knows I laugh at their simplicity; for this is but a bait to lure them to fetch all the year after at my own Yard, where I quickly get in & recover my coals that I gave them, with advantage; but especially by three infallible politic tricks, viz. small measure, high prices, and base coals.  Chand. 
Very well, and what cause have you or I to be melancholic? come, I have a cup of rich Aligant to revive our spirits, will ye walk? I have inhansed the price of my coals this last week from thirty shillings the cauldron (which was too much) to thirty eight shillings, so that I can afford you a morning's draught, the poor shall pay for it.  Woodmong. 
How do you bring this about? for I have had but a dead week this last week; ah! this fine warm weather is as bad for our Trade, as 'tis for the Hay-mongers, who expected seven or eight pound the load, and by reason of this Summer-like Winter are forced to sell it in Smithfield for fifty five shillings per Load.  Chand. 
Pish, pish, I see you are not so expert in your Trade as you ought; I'll never want politic tricks to vend my Coals at what rates I please: but principally I use these four or five devices, though they are all false, yet I find they are all gainful, and taking.  Woodmong. 
What may they be? let me know, for if they be beneficial to you, they cannot be amiss for me; for I am as eager to lay lime-twigs to catch poor men's purses as you can be.  Chand. 
Why first I vent it out by Carmen, and poor folks, that indeed there was a fleet come of 65. or 70. Sail, almost as far as Harwich, but there risen a violent storm, so that most of the fleet was shipwrackt, and the rest rendered unserviceable to put to Sea till next Easter at least: at the ●port of this, O how the poor shrug in their shoulders▪ and pawn their pewter dishes and brass, and any goods to the Brokers, to get some Coals in at any rate? But if this works not so effectually as I thought, yet it seldom fails; however I cause it to be noised and rumoured about, that in regard our fleet is now come into Harbours, those insolent Dutch Pickeroons with some men of War, lie upon or near Sunderland, and the North coasts, that a Collier cannot stir out, and this affrights the meaner sort of people, that they cry out, Alas! would these wars were once done with the Hollander, else we poor must starve: and is not this a cunning sleight? yet if this fails, I have a third Engine, and that is a sure one, for I seem to be pensive, and complain to the poor themselves, as they come to my Warehouse for Coals, how that indeed there was a great fleet coming in, but putting in to Yarmouth, all the Colliers were pressed for the State's Service to be Seamen, so that the Navy cannot come up; and then I do add, Seamen must be had, and we want Seamen, and we lost abundance of Sailors in the last great fight, and Seamens service is hard now, and many do shun it, and the pay is but small, and the Navy must speedily put to Sea, and that the Hollander is main strong already, and the Danes are joined with him, so that to all likelihood, there's no hopes of Coals, and then I sigh and say it is pitiful for the poor, but however I am almost undone by this means, for most of my stock (as I pretend) lies in the safety of that fleet of Colliers; upon this false story commonly told, I laugh inwardly how it works upon poor necessitous people to buy up coals so eagerly, that they are ready to fight, who shall be served first.  Woodmong. 
Oh admirable, and politicly done!  Chand. 
And yet to heighten my price I add, good people, you see my store, when these are gone, I know not how to procure more, (though he hath three or four great Cellars full against harder weather come, and and higher rates, and then I complain of the multitude of Ale-Brewers, and Beere-Brewers, and Dyer's, and Cooks, and Smiths, and Founders, and Glasse-houses; and pretend that these and many others do in the time of year buy up all, or at least so many as will serve for three years following; and this they concluded to be true indeed, and this whets them on to furnish themselves, though at any price; and then I vend my worst Coals, or mingle them with a few good ones: Nay, rather than fail, I'll bid them come down to your Coale-Yards, for I know well enough you and we are so wise as not to show all to public; Oh! this point of reservation is as advantageous to our purses, as it hath been to the Popish Jesuits, a little quantity, says the poor, is better than never a whit; when as we laugh at them when they are gone, and say to ourselves, we have goods laid up for many years.  Woodm. 
Oh rare policy! surely thou hast mightily encouraged me to keep up my mystery; for these are sure Holder's, and will lick in moneys from all sorts of people.  Chand. 
Moreover, I tell you Brother, a man must live by his wits; men of my profession never make scruple of Conscience for what we do: I add moreover to the former inventions, that there is a great decay of Woods, many being of late grubbed and stubbed up, and that Heaths and Commons in many places of England, where poor people had wont to gather Fearn, and Heath, and Gosse, and Furse, are now cleansed and turned into Corn land, so that the poor must burn Coals or starve; besides the Hospitals, and Almshouses, Prisons, and sundry Courts of Guards of Soldiers must all have Coals, and what hope is there that they should not be at high prices? what do you think of all these practices?  Woodm. 
All extraordinary, and neat, and sure stratagems to get wealth and to grow fat and suddenly rich.  Chand. 
These are my Pulleys and Engines to enhance or to keep up Coals at a high rate: I would hear now what devices you use to squeeze your Customers.  Woodm. 
Why I would not have you think that we do not only equalise, but rather exceed these stratagems; you know first our Customers are not of the beggarly rabble of poor Silk-weavers, Button-makers, Tailors, Rag-men, Bonelace-makers, Tobacco pipe-makers, Wash-women, scolding Oyster-wives, who seldom go above half a bushel at a time, and that but against some good time too, but we deal with Brewers, and Dyer's, and Merchants, and rich Citizens, some of whom fetches in forty, fifty, or a hundred Cauldron at a time, some twenty, some five; none comes into our Purlieuses at less than one or two Cauldron, besides Billets and Chamber-faggots for their Wives lying in; neither do our Customers desire forbearance of pay, for they come with money in hand; we do not use Chaulk nor Counting-books, down pay, ready receipt, and present Cash are our Customers Arguments: we deal not with Fowls that want feathers; it's good fishing at a coming Tide: now because you have discovered to me your proceed, you shall judge if we be not your Masters at this Game, both for gains and knavery: as first, we all know that Noble men and the Gentry, and Brewers will desire to be first served; now we complot, when as in Summer time their Stewards, or Cash-keepers come to inquire how coals are likely to be? and whether there be any lately come in; when they come to our Yards, we will not seem to be within at first coming, but either our Wives or Yard-men shall salute them with a kind of heavy countenance, and after the how do ye? and I am glad to see you, and I hope my good Lord, etc. is well, with other sleight dissembling Compliments are over, the Steward presently gins presently to ask what we desire to hear, how go Coals? what rates do they bear? and the like; our Wives have the Art pretty well, for we teach them, though we need not to dissemble to give a sigh, and say, indeed Sir I am sorry to tell you, we are very loath to sell any as yet, for our stores are almost spent, and the Wars continue, and there were some fifty sail of Collier's ready to go out, but there is an Order from the State to stop them, and the Colliers are put into Friggots as fast and as soon as they come aboard, so that our first return is lost, which was always the best, and when the Seas will be cleared we know not; with many such affrighting speeches, to the amazement of the Steward, who we know will furnish himself, at what rates soever, and so gins to plead; well, my Lord hath had his Coals a long time here, and they were always good, and I do not intent to change this place, and go to another: I must therefore have you promise me faithfully to let me have this next week thirty or forty cauldron, we will not stand for price, and my Lord will not stand to the hazard of Winter, and then provide: no, no, and therefore if you please to remember me to your Husband, and make me a promise, I will give you a pair of Gloves, and your Husband a pottle of Wine and a Neat's Tongue, at our meeting: Truly, replies the Wife, Sir, here hath been my Lord such a ones Steward, and such and such a Brewer, and I heard them talk of a hundred, or two hundred cauldron a piece, and whether my Husband hath promised them or not I know not, but if he hath, I doubt our store will not hold out to supply all; but I'll do what I can with my Husband to furnish my good Lord: Well spoke, replies the Steward, and to remember me the sooner, I do entreat you to let me pay five pounds now, for I brought it for the same purpose; and I shall inform my Lord of your great respect to him and care for him: thus our Wives feeling the pulses beat high and throughly seemingly says, Sir, if you please to leave so much monies I shall show it my Husband, and it may prevail with him to remember you the sooner. Thus it is with our customers, and is this not pretty dissembling sport, for I have the money and presently I employ it, and defer the coals under some pretence or other at least three or four months? as thus we live in hopes that the fleet will be speedily in the Thames, and then he shall be sure to have good ones; let him resolve upon it, let him trust me to provide for him: and so he rests satisfied, and glad that he is sure to have them; though in that space I have the use of his money, and buy the Coals for half those rates I had of him: how like you this Ginn?  Chand. 
Truly Brother I perceive you have cunning tricks to fetch in great Fish into your Nets, and you want not Art to spread them; but where you catch one we have a hundred come to us.  Woodm. 
Pish man, if that Art should fail, we use another; for you must know we deal with a Fleet of Colliers as Hunters do with their Hounds, do not let all run out at once at the Game, but now some, and then some; so we, though the Fleet be an hundred sail, yet we meet them at Yarmouth, or before they come so far, and suffer not above twenty or thirty to appear at a time, and then give out the rest are suspected to be lost, or taken, and so persuade men to take these while they may, and not to trust upon uncertainties of more coming in, and the like; nay, we tell the Masters that our Yards are full at London, that money is dead, now they must deliver and sell forthwith, or else their charges will quickly eat out their gains, and so we get coals at our own prices, and sell them as we list; besides this, we buy after ship-measure, but sell after our own, and we have Carmen, whose Sacks (if the Magistrates would look after them) are some of them half a foot too short, and almost as much too narrow, and this fills our pockets all the year long; and they use to keep their Sacks always wet, that they may shrink the more: I tell thee plainly, that by this only trick we have gotten twenty bushels of coals clear to ourselves out of three cauldron; and is not this a thriving Trade?  Chand. 
I assure you Brother, you speak to the purpose, yet being we are by ourselves, and as I hope none hears us, I will scarce yield to you in this Craft; for I seriously protest unto you, that my Measures, either half or whole peck or bushel are scanty enough; for I thrive chief by false weights and false measures, and quick return, quick return you know, makes a heavy purse; and I hope it will not be always fair, calm, weather; Lily and Culpepper, and the rest of the stargazers, who for my belief can stare no further into a Star than into a Millstone, yet all of them tell us of snow and frost and slabby cold weather, which however the weather proves, yet these buzzes and Prognostications have gained credit amongst many, both men and women, and so bring in our Customers the faster, which we make pay for their simple credulity; and for my part, I could find in my heart to spare half a cauldron of Coals to be distributed amongst the stargazing fraternity, to warm their Noses at their Critical Conventions, and to uphold their Predictions, and to procure them to write commonly of a cold, snowy, and a very hard Winter season to come; you cannot imagine how people do confide in these Astrologers conceptions; what think you Brother?  Woodm. 
Truly I know you to be good furtherers of our gains, and it is my intent to make use of their say, but I intent not to bestow any thing upon the Blades, for they do not really intent or aim at our good, nor ever had us in their Calendar amongst their friends, but writ, as we use to say, at haphazard; neither do they care whether we thrive or not: but to disclose some deeper craft in our dealing yet, I tell thee, Brother Hoord-Coale, we know that we are hated and cursed of every man, but then we Foxes far best; we have an intention to keep up such a thriving Monopoly amongst ourselves, that except the wisdom and Justice of a Parliament, or a Council of State interpose and hinder us by stinting our number, or setting a Rate upon the price, or limiting how much each of us shall lay out, or by taking the Coale-pits into the State's hands, and so manage them out and in with able Convoyers; some of which I greatly fear: for I confess the profits of the Pits belongs rather to the State than to us, which if they do, farewell the fairest flower in my Garden: I tell you Brother, there is such a general exclamation of people of all sorts against us, and of late there hath been a suit at Law and odious Petitions exhabited against our deal, and not without just cause, I confess, that I doubt our best days are past, if we can go clear off with what we have gotten already; but however I am as busy yet, as a hungry Ferret in a rich Coney borough; for as I hear there are now some 40. or 50. Sail of Colliers come into the Pool, and the poor people have great hopes to see Coals fall in their prices, and that they shall be for them, when as, alas, poor silly fools, our Agents at Newcastle have bought them for us; if the poor will have them, they are sure to have them at what rates we please, and out of our yards: for they were all bought by us before they departed from Newcastle; for if we be not disturbed, this Winter will be my best harvest, and the worst weather brings our greatest incomes; what think you Brother, of this our policy?  Chand. 
I commend your wisdom for preventing others, and I am beholden to you for suffering me to put in a share; I promise you I have my half pecks, pecks, half bushels and bushels, fitted for my own purpose; and I keep two nimble Lads my Apprentices, that are excellent for not overfilling them, I warrant you the poor get not heapd up, or overfild, or pressed down measure at my shop; I say plainly to you, that viis & modis by one help or other, I get half in half out of poor sneaking impotent people; and if my Coals fail, I have all other things which I know the poorest people must have; but whatsoever they buy of me, they may resolve that they must pay double, as two pence for a penny faggot, and so for a pound of cheese or butter, and for bread I am in league with a Baker, that notwithstanding the present cheapness of Corn, and the Lord Mayor's Orders, knows how to puff up a loaf that should be but for one penny to two pence, that of two pence to a groat, and the same order I hold in all my other commodities, and yet my shop is so filled with goore people, that never were Wasps more busy about a honey pot in a Summer's day, than they are at my Shop and Cellar on Saturday nights and frosty mornings.  Woodm. 
Did you think I had but one string to my bow? you know how I engross Wood of all sorts, as well as Coals; I have Billets but sound nicked and marked, I'll warrant you where I had them with three notches, I add three more; and stack wood, and faggots, and sprey; I deal in hard coal, and charcoal, in small coal, and what not for gains? if one mill will not grind, another shall.  Chand. 
Well, well, our case is good enough yet, and for my part I fear nothing; for the coldest weather, rough Seas, the Hollander out, and our Navy at home, and none inform the Magistrate of our actions, are all pleasing and comfortable to us: and I tell you Brother, this present season makes the poor to shrink, the rich to provide: I had these three last mornings a hundred poor people flocking to get coals, all fearing lest they will rise, which I promise they shall, if my cunning and policy fail me nor.  
FINIS.