MAD VERSE, SAD VERSE, GLAD VERSE and Bad VERSE.  Cut out, and slenderly stitched together, By JOHN TAYLOR. Who bids the Reader either to like or dislike them, to Commend them, or Come Mend them. 
May 10th Oxford 1644  

I Weep sing the maddest mad Rebellion,  
That ever Story told, or Tongue can tell ye on:  
The Barbarous Wars of th' Heathen Goths, and Vandals,  
Did never make their names such Odious Scandals:  
The Turks, the Jews, the Cannibals and Tartars,  
ne'er kept such wicked, Rude, unruly Quarters.  
Jerusalem's Eleazar, john and Simon,  
Did ne'er yield Poet base stuff to Rhyme on.  
Not bloody Sylla, or consuming Marius,  
Into so many mischiefs could e'er carry us;  
The Roman and th' Jmperiall Guelphs and Gibellins,  
Unto our English Rebels are but Quiblins.  
Not Munster's john a layed, or Knipperdoling,  
Did ever use such Pilling and such Poleing;  
Nor was their Cheating or their Harebrained trouble like  
As ours, (raised by the faithless Faith called Public.)  
The Royal twain, Lancastrians, and Yorkists,  
Were ne'er so mad as those Cornuted Forkists.  
The Herd of all the Council (called Common)  
Hath showed such wisdom, as was seen by no man,  
And many of the Rich and Reverend Aldermen,  
(Saving their Beards) in wit were never Balder-men.  
The Citizens of all Trades, (poor ta'en Wedgeons)  
Were hardly more in number, than Religions,  
That one may say of London, what a Town is't,  
Is it quite Metamorphosed, and turned Brownist,  
Or shivered into Sects? alas, how apt is't  
To be a Familist, or Anabaptist!  
And last of all, (and which of all the worst is)  
To be Rebellious, which (of all) accursed is  
The two pretended Houses at Westminster  
Have made a stir, as there hath never been stir  
To equal it, and with Religion's Mantle  
They Rifle England, by patch, piece and Cantle.  
The Documents of Burton, Prinne and Bastwick  
Inspires the People minds, and Brains fantastic,  
Whilst the Committee close, or close Committee  
Makes many Thousands sing a doleful Ditty;  
Where daily fears are stamped, and new Coined jealousies  
For King and Kingdom's spoil, both Fire, and bellows is.  
Their Whirlegigges, their Vanes and Haslerigges,  
Whose wisdoms are approved, (like Tarlton's lygges.)  
Mildmay that monster never be received,  
That Judas like his Masters trust deceived,  
And let that Pie within the Oven be burned,  
That 'gainst his Maker is a Rebel turned.  
Let Say be less esteemed than rotten Buckram  
And Holland scorned and stink like lousy Lockram.  
May Deering, a rare Gem, a dear Ring be he,  
And (Circle) turned, at the Triangle Tree be.  
And I may say of thee, O London, London,  
What hath thy sword and shield, thy Pike and Gun done,  
O what hath many a Mother's wicked son done  
But made their Magazine of mischief London.  
Thrice happy had it been for our Tranquillity,  
If th' Authors of this damned Incivility,  
Had been a little checked by Gregory Brandon,  
With every one a Hempen twisted Band on.  
Because I wrote some Pamphlets, that were printed  
In hope thereby their madness might be stinted.  
For which my kindness they were still ingrateful,  
And every day (with troubles) filled my Pate full,  
Abusing my sincere and good Intentions  
With foul prejudicated and false Inventions.  
For since the time that first I understood men  
I ne'er writ any thing to anger good men;  
But I have lashed at Nosewise Scripture Picklers,  
At Separatists, and lawless Conventicklers,  
Who are this Kingdoms wasting Maledictions,  
The Kings, the Churches, and the Lands Afflictions.  
They said I was a Villain, and most fervent  
In Roguery, for I was the Kings sworn Servant:  
They did so fare detest me, and abhor me  
They caused a Messenger to be sent for me,  
He used me kindly for which cause here I name  
The man (a wonder) and men call him Binehame.  
He said mine Enemies were full of malice  
(Wider from truth than Dover is from Calais;)  
Their fowl Complaints (quoth he) are scimble scamble,  
Mere Froth and Vapour, yet we two must amble  
Before the close Committees great Tribunal,  
(Whose Orders have put Order out of Tune all.)  
To Merchant-Taylors-Hall, (as I remember)  
He brought me, near the ending of November,  
The year of sixteen hundred forty and two  
Whereas false Accusations I did stand to,  
Aethiopian Corbet, Isaac high and mighty  
Looked grim, their very countenance would fright ye.  
They charged me with such words, that I had spoken,  
Which had I spoke, my Neck they would have broken;  
That Pym, Kimbolton, Haslerigge, Strode, Hampden  
And Hollis (Rebels which the learned Campden,  
Nor Stow, Howes, Speed, old Fabian, Cooper, Grafton  
In all their Chronicles, they never left one  
For Teason, with those six to be compared,  
Or dared to do, the like as they have dared.)  
They said I said, those six a cursed Crew were,  
That they to God, King, Kingdom, never true were,  
That they were Rogues, and Thiefs, full of oppression,  
Rebels, and Traitors, for which foul Transgression  
Because they all grew rich by Robbing others,  
Made Sirelesse Sons, So as Sirelesse, Sonless Mothers,  
By Rapine bringing Thousands unto Beggary,  
For which they all deserved reward from Gregory.  
These dangerous accusations I denied all,  
My conscience knew, that they from Truth were wide all,  
And that my ' accusers, that sought my disgrace there,  
Not one of them did dare to show his face there.  
Upon which answer they did strait acquit me,  
Yet to the Messenger they did Commit me;  
But he spoke for me, I did humbly woo them,  
He said (at any time) I should come to them:  
The honest Messenger got me discharged,  
And to the Tavern we went both enlarged,  
Where I did give him thanks in Sack and Claret,  
And for his pains had but a small fee for it.  
My Rascal Enemies did daily watch me,  
And vowed to do me mischief if they catch me:  
To Murder me, they many times waylaid me,  
And near the Guild-Hall, once had like t'have paid me,  
For as myself, and two more honest men was,  
One Quart at three-tons Tavern, drinking then was,  
The cursed Crew, (more than six score toth' hundred)  
Did swear tha● Limb from Limb I should be sundered,  
My friends and I Amazed, did much admire on,  
Wherefore the House so Rudely they Environ,  
But I perceiving 'twas no time to dally,  
Slipped through a smoke shop, in t'a narrow Alley,  
And so into a street men call Cateaten,  
And by that means, scaped more than being Beaten,  
My Wife lay long sick, many troubles pricked me,  
Necessity did divers ways Afflict me.  
The King (my Master) justly was offended,  
And on his Service my Estate depended,  
He, and His Royal Queen, (my gracious Mistress)  
Were driven from us, His Servants left in distress;  
Where we (poor fellows) were despised and hated,  
And to give Money 'gainst our Master Rated:  
But I, with others, craved to be excused,  
Some give, some gave not, flatly I refused,  
My King and's Father, gave me cloth and Wa●●●  
Which Motive sure His Servants all engages:  
But too too many a Rascal (worse than judas,)  
Have given the Rebel's Money like a Lewd Ass.  
The generation of abhorred Vipers,  
The Coyn-Collectors, most insatiate Gripers,  
Swore to return my name, I feared what may come,  
And left my wife a dying, and away come.  
My wrongs, my griefs, and sickness so had wearied her,  
She died, they sold my goods, and fairly buried her.  
Th'usurping Isaac (Major) did hate me deadly,  
But yet I got his pass (by mere Chaunce-Medly:)  
I took a Boat, and up to Windsor went I,  
Whereas of Rebels (of all sorts) were plenty,  
Some great Commanders, who were Tradesmen broken,  
Grown rich with Plunder, late, scarce worth a Token;  
Some Cobbling Preachers, some perfidious Nobles,  
(The Church, the King and Kingdom's cursed troubles,)  
Besides a crew of base Knaves, Omnium Gatherum,  
Shuffle 'em together, and the Devil father 'em;  
One of their General Essex Lifeguard was there  
Who struck me, as I up the street did pass there,  
He called me pretty surnames, Rogue and Traitor,  
Malignant, and the Parliaments great hater,  
And Spy, and to the King's use, then that I would  
Betray the Town and Castle both, if I could.  
That villain had a mighty mind to baste me,  
But I, from him did to the Castle hast me,  
Where Peterboroughs Earl, and the Lord Rochfort,  
(Pardon my Rhyme good Reader I must botch for't)  
They knew me, and did entertain me friendly  
And asked at what place did my journey's end lie,  
I said to Abingdon, and that to Henly  
I would go that night, if I might pass cleanly,  
Or safely from my Lord of Essex Caitiffs  
Whose carriage shown, they were not England's Natives.  
The Noble Rebels kindly did discard me  
And caused some Soldiers through their Guards to guard me,  
And so I Windsor left, (what can be more said)  
And weary went to Henly, as aforesaid.  
But when to Maidenhead I was advanced  
Upon three Ragged Rebels there I chanced,  
Who all to Henly, company did bear me  
And in the midway, (in a wood) did fear me.  
For, in the Thicket of tall Oaks and Beeches  
Me thought I heard 'em mutter scurvy speeches,  
One said, old man, the Coat you now are wearing  
Is much too hot, and heavy for your bearing,  
The second spied a bag, wherein I carried  
Things for my use, (as my occasions varied)  
These two demanded, and I durst not grudge it  
But straight delivered them my Coat and Budget.  
The third man (which did make their number triple)  
Offered his service, like a kind disciple,  
Quoth he, of that man you to much have shared him,  
And of his goods and moveables have pared him,  
Shall I that of your Company am third man  
Have nothing, shall I be a base absurd man.  
My friend, quoth I, all is not quite bereft me  
Myself is yet mine own, myself is left me,  
I'm weary, carry me, they have my clothing  
And thou shalt carry me, that's more than nothing.  
With that they laughed outright, I feigning smiled  
And so the tedious way with talk beguiled.  
My leash of Rascals, were mad Blades, (right Bilboes)  
True tattered Rogues, in breech, shirts, skirts and elbows,  
They sung, and danced the Morris, like maid Marrian  
And sweat and stunk, as sweet as sugar Carrion,  
I mused, if they were pleased to jeer and fob me,  
Or if they meant to jest with me or Rob me:  
But they to me proved Rebels, with some reason  
They had not learned their Grammar Rules of Treason,  
They kindly brought me to a wholesome Alehouse,  
Where merrily we drank like four good fellows,  
With songs, and tales, and now and then a story  
And 'ere we fell a sleep, we sung John Dorrye.  
They gave me all, which they from me had got then,  
Deceiving me, cause they deceived me not then;  
I left both them and Henly, and away I  
To Abingdon, by shutting in of day I  
Came to the King's Head, (my own Brother's house,) and  
Of welcomes, I had some part of a thousand.  
'Twas near the time of Marches Equinoctial,  
I had good meat, and such drink as would fox ye all:  
there's many Barrel full, turned Turvey Topsie  
And many a But hath dropped away the dropsy,  
That there's good fare, and entertainment proper  
For Love, for Gold, for Silver, and for Copper.  
At Abingdon, I stayed almost a fortnight,  
The days waxed long, (and each day had a short night.)  
Much about Easter time, I came to Oxford,  
Where are some few knaves, and some Miser's Fox-furred,  
In Christ-Church Garden, than a gladsome sight was  
My Sover●igne Lord, and many a Peer and Knight was,  
The Hopeful Prince, and James Dux Eboracensis  
(Whom God defend from Rebels false pretences)  
The Sun of Sacred Majesty did frustrate  
My former griefs, and all my joys Illustrate,  
His gracious Eye, did see where I did stand straight  
He came to me, puts forth his Royal hand straight,  
Which on my knees, I humbly kneeled and kissed it,  
I rather had left all I had, then missed it.  
But now at Oxford, I was safe arrived  
How to be well employed my Brains contrived,  
My purse was turned a Brownist or a Round-head,  
For all the Crosses in it, were confounded,  
To some Employment I myself must settle.  
Fire must be had to boil the Pot and Kettle.  
Then by the Lords Commissioners, and also  
By my good King, (whom all true Subjects call so)  
I was commanded with the Water-Baylie  
To see the Rivers cleansed, both nights and daily.  
Dead Hogs, Dogs, Cats, and well flayed Carrion Horses,  
Their noisome Corpses soiled the Waters Courses:  
Both swine and Stable dung, Beasts guts and Garbage,  
Street dirt, with Gardener's weeds and Rotten Herbage.  
And from those Waters filthy putrefaction,  
Our meat and drink were made, which bred Jnfection.  
Myself and partner, with cost pains and travel,  
Saw all made clean, from Carrion, Mud, and Gravel:  
And now and then was punished a Delinquent,  
By which good means away the filth and stink went.  
Besides at all commands, we served all warrants,  
To take Boats for most necessary errants,  
To carry Ammunition, food and fuel,  
(The last of which last Winter was a Jewel.)  
Poor Soldiers that were Maimed, or sick, or wounded  
By the cursed means of some Rebellious Roundhead;  
To carry and recarry them our care was,  
To get them Boats as cause both here and there was.  
Thus have I been employed, besides my trade is,  
To write some Pamphlets, to please Lords and Ladies,  
With Gentlemen or others that will read them,  
Whose wits (I hope) not over much will heed them:  
To all these services I am immediate  
Obedient, willing, at occasions ready at.  
My Riches is my Lame Leg, let the blame lie  
Upon that Leg, because I have writ Lamelye.   
FINIS.