WESTMINSTER FAIR, Newly Proclaimed.  

My Muse thus venter's to open her Ware,  
And bids you welcome to Westminster Fair.   
WHEREIN,  

Votes Orders, Ordinances, this September,  
Are to be sold, with many a rotten Member,  
A Parliament Man; I need say no more:  
A close Committee-man that loves a W—  
A Sequestrator; sure the devil's not worse  
Than an Excise man, far a greater curse:  
Only a Pursuivant, to make Hell full,  
The Country poor, the City a mere gull.  
'tis but a penny, in: too small a fee,  
To sell you Spectacles, these strange sights t'see.   
Printed in Kings-street 22. Sept. 1647.   

Westminster Fair.  
Sound Drums and Trumpets.  

O yes, O yes, O yes, I cry,  
Parliament wares, good people buy.   
IT is Decreed and Ordered by the Synod of Divines, assembled in holy Convocation for the Reformation of Moses Law, David's Psalms, the Apostles Creed, and the New Testament etc. That this Fair (now consecrated) shall forthwith begin: wherein all their Synodical const●utions, learned and pious debates, consultations and conclusions, (besides Votes, Ordinances, and Orders) shall be set to sale for the present payment of the Army, without further delay; and the remaining sums to be put into a large Chest with 4. Locks, the Keys whereof shall be kept by a Committee of 4. of the holy Synod; viz. by Corah Edward's, Ananias Gouge, Dathan Burges, and Abiram Byfield: and they the said Commissioners shall carefully keep and preserve all profits arising from the said Fair, in sale of all the said Commodities, hereafter mentioned, for payment of the Army, for transportation into New England, or Virginia, in case the Army will not disband, there to newplant a Presbyterian Nursery, and to build us stately Palaces, and buy us all things necessary for our intended journey. That if we shall have any remaining gains, or sums, (the premises above considered) that a moyity go to impeached Members, whether of the Lords or Commons from time to time; that so they may provide them of all necessaries to go with us, the better to effect so great and pious a Work, and to go forward with our Reformation there, which we are not suffered to finish here, with all alacrity, joy, and comfort; and for the more easy coming in of the Countries to the ●aid Fair, that all and every the said Forts. Fortifications, Halfmoons, and Brest-workes, be speedily fling down and laid level with the earth and that those 4. that keep the said Chest before mentioned, shall not (upon any pretence whatsoever) open the same at any time, without there be four Earls, three Lards, eight Commons, (provided they be impeached Members) and four of the most grave, sober, wise and discreet of the Synod of Divines for the pious uses aforesaid.  
This Fair was no sooner proclaimed with great solemnity (by all the Assembly) but the Booths, Shops. and Stalls were presently furnished with all manner of Parliament Commodities; as Votes, Orders, Ordinances, New Directories, and all the pretty toys that the whole body of a Kingdom could devise.  
The first Shop I came into, was a fair large Room with goodly Hang, stately stools, and at the upper end an empty Chair richly embroidered, and two or three at one corner whispering with writings in their hands: I asked what they sold there? presently one cries out, Who buys any Bishop's Lands?  

Come customers, come; her's fertile Earth will yield,  
As fair a grain as ere was sown in field:  
Here's pastures, corn, and here are well grown woods:  
Her's Bishops houses; all their books and goods;  
Her's Canterburyes head, empty of brains,  
Take't in your hands, I'll seled you for small gains.  
Her's Altars, Rails, Organ-pipes, and bellows,  
Pictures of Saints, and other painted fellows:  
Heers Crosses, Surplices, Mitres, and Copes,  
Caps, Hoods, and Rochets; beside hemp for 
* Sacrilegious snares to hang them.  ropes.—  
Would you know how to sway the Royal Throne?  
Live all like Kings, and make a King like none:  
I sell that Art, of all the Devil ere made,  
You never saw more better at the trade.  
Come buy new tricks, new juggle, new disclosed,  
To teach you how your King shall be deposed.  
Buy a new Covenant, Declaration;  
'Tis as good as ever ruin'd Nation.  
Buy a new Creed, for two pence that's the price,  
'Twill teach you a New way to Paradise.  
Buy a new Directory, newly made,  
Buy a Scoth brother, now a Reformade:  
Buy a good King, two hundred thousand pounds,  
Jockeys must have, to cure his 
* That the Cavaliers gave him, at Marston moor, where he run away, and bid the Devil take the hindmost.  much wounds.  
If you want treasons, or confounding plots,  
To ruin Kingdoms, or outvie the Scots,  
Here buy this Plot, and take it on my word,  
It is the best the Devil can afford;  
Her's a new Plot to fetch you in more Plate,  
And make the Public Faith renew its state.  
Come buy this J●m; sure it cannot harm ye,  
'Twill stop the mouth of your devouring Army.  
Her's a new Stratagem for the City;  
To pump two M●llions, 'tis so witty;  
Come Fat-heads buy, your hansell's very sure,  
Advance your sums, and keep your hands in ure:  
Her's aid for Ireland, soon shall quell,  
The Rebels there, and send them all to hell:  
That you kind Cuckolds, may enjoy their land,  
And pay the Army that they may disband.  
Here is an 
* Witness Tomkins, chaloner, and the King's Messenger.  Ordinance come out to day,  
To take your Lives, and your Estates away.  
Another too for Tithes, that all must pay,  
Or else to Prison go without delay.  
Here is an Ordinance, after all our losses,  
To be revenged on the harmless Crosses.  
Here is another, the more's the pity.  
To banish the Cavaliers from the City.  
An Ordinance too, good heaven forbidden the banes!  
Able to turn their very Sw●rds to Kaines:  
Another too, a lamentable story,  
That no man shall deride the Directory.  
Here is another too, see it I pray—  
To grant the City-brats a Holy day.  
With a new trick, to keep the land in union,  
That none but Rebels receive the Communion.  
This made the people, when we caused the stir,  
Profanely call us, Gods of Westminster.  
Then cried another, Sir what will ye buy,  
I pray step in, and do not so pass by,  
Here's a Bunch of Lords impeached of Treason,  
Come buy them quickly, while they are inseason.  
See for your love, and for your money ●uy,  
Name what you want, I'll fit you presently:  
Buy fairings for your Children, here are toys,  
Fit for your purpose, be they girls or boys.  
Here's Parliament Vestments, of all sorts and sizes,  
You may have here, at very easy prizes,  
Many a storm and shower they will abide,  
Besides a World of knavery they will hid.  
Sir look upon them, view them at your leisure,  
The price is small, and they'll do you great pleasure:  
Here is King Pyms robe, th' price not very great,  
(And no Excize on't, as he set on Meat)  
Though he hath worned, it's ne'er the worse for wearing,  
Girt it but close, you need not fear the tearing.  
Her's Fasting-days (like thinchapt Jack-a-lent)  
Shall help you at a pinch, when all is spent;  
And her's a new day of Humiliation,  
Shall humble all this sortish Nation.  
Her's a new Ordinance, now fetch about,  
To fling down the works, to let the Cuckoo out  
Of this new Gottam, that will no more advance  
The Soldiers pay; but their own ignorance.  
Another o'th' Synod, there standing by  
With an extended throat, and mouth did cry,  
Who buys the Holy Ghost, pray come away;  
Give money quickly, for I cannot stay.  
" What all pass by? 'tis strange, Time turns her wheel,  
And bends her brow upon us, that we feel  
No hansale yet; our Ware's bewitched sure,  
And (like ourselves) there's none will it endure:  
It's doomed to dismal Fate, despised and scorned,  
Though ne'er so costly, or so much adorned;  
Here's omne vale, yet no money flies,  
Our Wares dog-cheap, and thus our credit dies;  
For such a Fair I never did behold,  
We bring our Ware, but nothing can be sold.  
I wonder cried one, what was our intent,  
To keep this Fair so near the Parliament;  
For we are mocked here by sancy jack's,  
That bid the Pedlars to put up their packs:  
We thought our Ware would sell at any price,  
And off our hands been vented in a trice;  
That this last Act upon the English Stage,  
Would forded money for our Pilgrimage  
Unto new England: brethren jog away,  
Lest that the Army give us all our pay:  
With that a Messenger came running through th' crowd,  
And to the Synod thus he spoke aloud,  
To Tyburn or new England choose you whether,  
To one you must, you may go altogether;  
For all the Laws o'th' Land you have out run,  
And I come here to tell you what is done:  
The King and the Army will cast you from your sphere,  
For dire aspects, that you have caused there,  
You are disvoted, and from hence are hurled,  
To lie like stars shot on the lower world.  
Your Wares not worth a sart, for all your cogging,  
See where the hangman comes, away be jogging,  
With that like men of senses quite bereft,  
They trudged away, and all this stuff they left.  
A friend of mine to me did then repair,  
Desiring me to write this famous Fair,  
Which I have done, and put it here to sell,  
Buy then this Fair on me, and so farewell.    

Die Sab. Septem. 22. 1647.  
It is Ordered by the House, that thanks be given to the Author of this learned piece entitled Westminster Fair, and that it be forthwith printed and published; and that no Pursuivant or other Officer hinder the free sale thereof.  
Tho. Tel-treath, Cler, to the abused Commons.  
FINIS.