Themista & Euphorbus In a familiar Dialogue, plainly Discovering, and passionately Bemoaning, the Exorbitances of the World in the Administration of JUSTICE. Composed at first for a private Diversion, and now presented to the Worthy Mayoralty within the Famous and ancient Burrow of TAVISTOCK, Devon; Newly Incorporated by His Maiesty's special Favour, and with the Assistance of the Honourable Sr james Butler Kt. By PHILOPOLITES. — facit indignatio versus. Hor. LONDON, Printed for the Author, 1683. To the Worshipful the MAYOR, Together, with the Aldermen & their Assistants, within the Famous and Ancient Burrow of TAVISTOCK, Devon. THis will come too late to tell you how Acceptable this Infant Mayoralty was in its very Embryo to the Author himself. How much also he shared with you in the Common Entertainments (before it saw the Light) hath been known to many, but best Understood (certainly most sensibly felt) by himself. But notwithstanding Envy and Might the Top-stone of the Structure is brought forth, let it be attended with Shouting, and Cry, Grace, Grace, unto it, I mean, Thanks to God and the King. There are yet Malevolents (like the Old Tobies) in a corner, Cursing, Deprecating and Scoffing in the Ancient Dialect. If a Fox go up, he shall even break down their Strong Wall. Neke. 4.3. Let these both Talk and Do as they list. You may destroy it yourselves: Your Enemies cannot injure it. So long as ye follow the Undoubted Rules and Dictates of Justice ye are safe, and this you have on the Word of God and Caesar both. Had the Prize now in yours been lodged in the Hands of our Ancestors but a Centurie of Years ago, How glorious a Town, how happy a People had we been? The Government now obtained and possessed by you; by them, could only be wished and longed for. It was too great a Boon for them to expect, or their Sultan's to allow. But what then seemed impossible, is now effected, by the Benignity of a Gracious Prince, and the Indefatigable Industry of a Noble Friend. God forbidden, so great a Blessing in itself should become by Sinister Administrations an Evil to the place. That Justice should be turned into Wormwood. It's what your Enemies Maliciously expect, and your Friends as passionately pray against. Nature (Gent.) hath done its part, and been not a little propitious to our Clime, Culled it out as a Subject, upon which she hath peculiarly doted beyond all places of this Western spot of Britain: Blest us in the Transcendent Excellencies of all the Elements, aptly situated us for Trade: Inspired our Natives with such Mercurial Souls as have rendered them capable of serving Princes in the very highest Capacities of Church and State, at Sea and Land, in War and Peace. What remains but that ye also in your Spheres should Worthily Act your parts, and become the fairest Pattern in your Administrations for Posterity to Observe and Imitate? If you fail in this, The World will swear, your Extraction is Foreign, and that you bear the Name only, not the Nature of the Ancient TAVISTOKIANS. Gent. I hearty wish your Prosperity, and on that account (having no better) have presented you with this Dialogue, not Saucily to direct, but humbly to mind you. May it in the Initiation of your setting forth into a Turbulent Ocean prove a Lantern to precaution you against the Rocks and Shelves that have been fatal to too many. And why should not this Infant-Muse and our Infant-Maioralty be good Company? Being born in the same place, Why may they not Breath together in the same Air, especially at Tavistock, where they speak Poesy as Naturally as they spit? Heavens Bless you all, and make you as good as your Government, So Prays Your Fellow Native, and Humble SERVANT, Philopolites. Tavist. Sep. 3d, 1682. To my Book. WELL, sigh it is thy Lot, and that thou durst Thus make a Sally, and Adventure first, Leaving thy Brethren for a pause, to dwell Within their Silent yet Securer Cell, heavens be thy speed. I know already some Abhor thy Front, and do fore-bode thy Doom. These, pinched with Gild, in their unhallowed Ire Can thee in Pieces tear, or damn to Fire: Whilst (guiltless) thou dost only Vices blame And leav'st th' Offender uncomrould by Name. Be not dismayed, thou dost a Mistress serve That is thy Patron, and will thee preserve, (The blessed Themista) who with Sword and Scale Will give due merits unto Actions all. " The Stars themselves, rather than Right shall fail, " In their bright Sockets shall consume and quail. Heaven will provide thee Friends in Court & City, Which will thee lodge, and her extremely pity; Embrace thy Leaves with candour, and declare, How much that they concerned for Justice are: They'll mix their Prayers with her redundant tears, Till this World moulder, and a new appears. THEMISTA Explaining herself in a soliloquy. ALas! why hated thus? and why am I So great a terror to Humanity? How can I be Injurious? who did find Hard Measure from a Woman that is Blind? I know nor Friend nor Foe. The Scales you view Gives to each Person but what is his Due. Nor is my Sex so cursed, my Looks so wan To be a Scarecrow to an upright Man. Mine Extract is not vile, I came from * Deus metuens, ne Universa hominum Communitas interiet Pudorem jis dedit & justitiam ut essent Civitatum Vincula & Ornamenta Sinequibus civilem S●cietaten● o●ju●ctionemque dissipari Necesse fuit. Piat. in Prot. Heaven And can do nothing but what's Just and even. Princes adore me through the boundless World, And oft their Crown have at my Footstool hurled; Yea, to mine Honour as a Victim have Themselves up given to the ravenous Grave. Great store of Orphans and of poor oppressed Their troubled minds do at my Portals rest. Armies of Martyrs and confessing Bands Await to take their Garlands at mine Hands. The Sword I bear is only to defend The Innocent 'gainst such as wrongs intent, Nor out my Scabbard shall I e'er it draw, But when I am invaded, or my Law. If Tyrants seize me and perchance me wrest, A gente ad gentem Transfertur regnum propter Injustitiam. Siracid. To serve their turn and selfish Interest; Lay not the blame (like fools) on me, for I Shall soon avenge my wronged Sovereignty, Resume my Crown, and with undaunted might Will in full specie, their effronts requite. Themista I'll go to heaven again and there i'll say Lord hasten thy Long Look ᵈ for Iudgmt day Euphorbus O Heauns. forbid shouldst thou departed from hence Ill men Would have their Wish, good Lose their sense THEMISTA Ill at ease, is Visited by EUPHORBUS. Euphorbus a Divine, MADAM! what ails ye? I am sad to see Your Ladyship in such an Agony. where's your Distemper? in what part doth lie The great occasion of your Malady? Not many days ago, how brisk you were? I never beheld a Bride much cheerfuller: Now with dejected brows you ' front the ground chance? Seem like one fallen in a fatal swound. No Word, no Motion; Lord! whence is this For God's sake rouse, and do yourself advance; Impart your griefs, and if aught may be done Within the compass of my Function, None shall within the Universe you find That to your comfort shall be more inclined. With this she sighs and makes a doleful groan, And to Euphorbus doth express her moan. Themista, Justice. Dear Sir! she said, I'm glad to see you here, Your very presence doth my Vitals cheer. ' 'tis not the least of mine affliction that I've Unfrequented in this posture sat. Heaven lately sent me in abundant Love From my blessed Station in the World above, To Yield my service to an Earthly throng That daily did complain of fraud and wrong. And though I'm come to do them lawful right, there's none that cares to come within my sight; As if I were a Spectrum, or some Ghost, Which never before arrived in their Coast. The name of Justice doth extremely make The Hearts of Pcasant and of Prince to quake, So that upon my Throne (neglected) I Awaited them that did my presence fly. I'll go to Heaven again, and there I'll say, Lord! hasten thy long-looked for Judgement day; Take my Commission in thy Hands again, For thou art Judge of Angels and of Men. Euphorbus. Madam! I tremble at your hasty flight, When Titan hides himself we're clothed with night. The World into its Chaos old would turn, Justitia remora, nil aliud Sunt regna Ni si latrocinia Greg. If you should leave us, and your work adjourn Unto that fatal day. Both Devils and Men, Like ravening Lions, soon would quit their Den To Prey upon the Innocent: Fiat Justitia aut percat Mundus. Coes-Ferd. and who Shall rescue them that are so weak, so few? For their Sakes yet abide, and if there be Malignants that oppose your Sovereignty, Expose them to the Light, within my Sphere I shall without respect to Love or Fear, Declare your Message in their stubborn Ear. Themista. I thank you Sir! you have in part allayed The heavy Burden on my Heart was laid. But yet I doubt my labour will be vain, My Foes have got the Throne and proudly reign, They'll scorn my message, & your counsel sleight, Perchance confound you with their raging might. Euphorbus. Madam! this shall not me at all deter, From being your most Faithful Messenger. heavens promised aid, I never yet have missed Since first I was ordained Evangelist; They will afford me Tongue, and whet my words, Which deeper shall them wound then Spears or Swords My foreheads made of Brass, I'll flatter none I'll face both Prince and Judge upon the Throne, And if I fall in doing of my trust, My Blood will not be smothered in the Dust. Themista. Bravely resolved, and if your courage hold, I shall before your reverend Eyes unfold, Who are the Miscreants, which do daily lay A Thousand Scandals in my Duties way. I'll first begin with one * A Self-loving Judge. Phylautus who (Oft taken for an honest Judge and true) And on that only Supposition, Hath for a season long possessed the Throne. But on a narrow search I did him find, One that Immensly to Himself is kind, Respects not me. He is a Corp'lent Beast, One hugely pleased with a sumptuous Feast. May he but Riot and drink Wine in Bowls, He'll slight all Humane bodies, States and Souls. He seemeth Purblind, but at times his Eye, Will in a Pack of Hay a Needle ' spy. On's still intensely fixed upon himself, His gaped for Honour and his Mounts of pels, The other keepeth close, or open's wide, As his own Interest doth best him guide. He flatters great Men, but towards the Clown, (Without regard to me) he casts a frown, He pumps his Prince's humour, and will strain A Point in Law, his favour to obtain, Wherein may he but have the hope to live, He'll sriendly seem to the Prerogative, And raise it higher than it was before, Waving the Laws, the Subjects, Wealth, or Gore. This have I known, and hence it comes to pass, Poor Men so oft becomes the Great Man's Ass To bear their loads, till (fore oppressed) she cast Them all, and fall into the Mire at last. Go tell this Wretch in spite of Prince or Pope He merits not a Scarlet Gown, but Rope: For not their Honour nor their Weal he minds, (When thus the Faces of the Poor he grinds) But his own Profit, which when he doth draw Within the Clutches of his ravenous Paw, He hath his End. Then goes in holes to Quaff, And at their Ruins all doth Jeer and Laugh. If he won't hear you, but will disbelieve This perfect Narrative that I do give: If all consent with him, and therefore won't This Horrid Caitiff at their Bar effront, I'll come myself, and will due Vengeance pay Upon their Heads in an unlooked for day. My Name no longer shall become a shroud To harm the Guiltless and secure the Proud. Euphorbus. In reverence Madam! of your Sacred Name, I shall the Message in their Ears proclaim, Nor from its method Retrograde an ace, Giving each accent its deserved Grace. Tell who's the next Malignant that hath dared To Clog your way and reg'lar course ensnared. Themista. * A Covetous One. Philarguros I next must roundly blame, For he hath oftentimes usurped my Name; Whose Justice (if't to him I may ascribe) Was ever midwifed with a whisking Bribe. This Oil l'argent is what men most apply, On's Chariot Wheels to make them swiftly fly, Without the which, when on the Bench he sits, He is Indifferent whether he miss or hits; But leaves it to the Faithless Jury, to Improve it for their Friend, or 'gainst their Foe. Nor may you wonder such a Kennel are, Of Jurymen before my Reverend Bar. Scenting the Prey; for where the Carrion is Eagles do gather in great Companies. A Judge corrupt, soon makes a Jury so, Like unto Like, the Proverb still doth go. Such Correspondence is betwixt them all, That into variance they do seldom fall; Nor is't consistent with the Politics, That they should blab abroad each others tricks. Philarguros' his Hand receives anon What's sacrificed to his Devotion, Which by a due Observance you may find, Is still extended on his Breech behind, Lest that his squeazy Optics hap to be, The Witness of his Cursed Bribery, And that if called to Swear, upon good cause, May say, I never saw Bribe from that man's Paws. This done, his Name is in a Table set, And sure this Man he will not once forget. His Eyes are piercing, and they quickly ken His Benefactors from all other Men. One thing material I must mention more, So greedy is he after Yellow Oar; That 'fore the Sun the Horizon forgo'th, This Cormorant takes Fees of parties both. Nor is't because his memory is unsound, But that his Avarice is so profound, His busmesses well enough doth understand, At Pleading therefore hath a Trick in Hand, For there such Quirks and Niceties he displays, The Lawyers are confused at what he says: And such a dust before their Eyes doth throw, There's none can tell for whom the cause will go All which is done with art political, To cheat the * Videndum est maxi me, Ne Civitas legibus fundata legib. avertatur laert. Law, the Cliem, Court and all. Hence comes a motion from his ravenous throat, That some good Neighbours would their peace promote, Urges a reference, & doth name the Squires Fittest to follow his most just desires, Which if refused, as it oft falleth out, (For neither party hath great cause to doubt) The Jury by some signal mark or thing A special Verdict to the Court doth bring, Which doth divide the cause between them so, That one can't well against the other crow. This proves at times of such Validity, Both prise it equal with a Victory. His * Lewis the 11th King of France, wore a Leaden Crucifix in his Bonnet, which as often as he murdered any Body, he kissed it, and craved pardon. Many take God for a Leaden One. Lordship laughs in's sleeve at all is done, Thinks least of Heaven or Damnation. Euphorbus. Madam! you little think with what sad Heart (Whilst you the sad relation do impart Of this Philarguros,) I here do sit, Lord help this World, or else finish it. Nor am I less affected when I mind The † Nil publicae mercis tam Venale quam hodie Advocatorum perfidia sit Tacit. Perjuries you in the Juries find. In my small time I've observation made, There are of that employ that make't a trade: And these like Hounds that after Carion go, At every 'ssize themselves in clusters show. * Caninum Studium & Confessum latrocinium. Columetra. These keep their Chambers and with brazen pate Do sit like Barristers in Pomp and State, Whom vile Attorneys and base gentry do, Most shamelessly in Troops resort unto, To tempt (like Devils) them to things unjust, And damn their Souls for white and yellow Dust. Themista. My Dear Euphorbus! whilst you're on this head I'll tell you lately what hath happened, Within Schlwvonia at a Trial there, The truth of which you need not doubt or fear. Upon Novembers' Month (if not miscast) A Trial in the Bassa's Court there past, IT wixt Guelp and Gibeline (for so it was All men almost for one of these did pass) The Action frivolous (as most actions are, That come to be determined at that Bar) The Plaintiffs Witness and Defendants both, Where equal for their Number and their Troth. Their Oaths quite cross unto each others go, One Swore it was Pitch the other Swore it was Snow. The Jury were a dozen Sans compare, And could his Worship humour to an hair. These did the Bassa gravely counsel give, To make their Verdict as they did believe. They pondering, who was Guelp, who Gibeline, Lo! where's the Gib, the cause is clearly thine. That day one Trial only passed more, Which was as frivolous as that before. Where upon Oath shrewd Witnesses arose, To prove the Bassa did on them impose, A false Record, which though he understood, As well's his Deputy Gusmannus Crude, Yet spite of fate the Trial must be past, Wherein the Guelp quite on his back was cast. Euphorbus, I lately of that Court indeed have heard, And that the Bassa hath it merely marred, By Packing Juries and perverting right, According to the Dictates of his spite. Such counter swearing ' mongst them there's ('tis said) That some for fear have from these Trials fled, And if the Pillory had but its due, St. Eustace might afford cheap heaps of Glue. Yet hath that † Boni Viri & boni vini Originem non curiose inquirendum Coef. Ferd. 1. place for Ages been renowned, For lofty Poets and Divines profound, Acutest Lawy'rs and more not to name, Here sucked their Milk, Men of great parts and fame; That Air ('tis thought) did nature so supply, It was a Natural Academy. But by what strange mishap I cannot say, It's waxed Adulterate, and its brightest day Is changed to night, where long hath dwelled the Owl, And a lame Goose hath kept the Capitol. Themista. I'm sensible Euphorbus, I've digressed Now of Philarguros, I'll tell the rest One noted slight his Avarice more to heal, I shall to thee impartially reveal, He'll tell the World. how great a Foe he is To all that Excreise Embraceries. Curseth the Hand that taketh Bribe or Fee Against the rules of Law or Equity. Yet Fryar-like that could not Finger Gold, His Boy can freely touched an't safely hold. This mighty man (whilst he's at Chancery Bar) Doth keep at Home a fatter one by far, Managed by Stewards with that care and wit, Of if at Athens they had studied it. In comes a Coach that's daubed without with Gold, Within, Rich Linings as Man can behold, Drawn by six Stallions of Barbarian Race, Which are a Present for his Lady Grace, Then comes another with a glittering Watch, Span-new from Artists Hands, sans flaw or patch, Which in great caution by the waiting-maid Into his Daughters keeping is conveyed, Nor needs it Motto to declare the hap, For which it falls a Victim to her lap, Anon a Team of Oxen, bell'wing come, Which with hard driving at the Mouth do foam. These doth the nimble Hind install enfold, Until his master come and them behold. Nor is their Dairy-Maid or Horseman vile, Whose Hand base Bribery doth not defile. But what they take, besure shan't waste or rust, (Alas poor Souls! they are but Slaves in trust,) For these at even to Philarguros, Yield up account with every farthing-cross, Together with the Names of such great men, As brought these generous Presents to his Den, Which on his Book are set, He'll damn his Soul, But in due season will well-please them all. Euphorbus. Lord! bless me, these affairs are strange & rare, And were never heard of in a Christian Air. Turkey itself where the great Sultan sways, Hath no Example of such crimes as these. Madam! I shall herein you truly serve, And give that Sentence which their Sins deserve, Themista. Euphorbus! Pardon me I make so bold And to thine Ears that I these things have told. It is some ease to mine afflicted Heart, That I with freedom can these things impart. Contracted grief within so narrow room, Would else be sure Prognostic of my doom. My next essay, shall therefore be to paint Out * A Coward. Periphobes, that fictitious Saint, Whom for his mildness some would fain adore. An Apple fair he is, unfound at Core. Whose Compass ' is his fancy and doth bear Within his Breast an Heart much like an † Dlonysius metu anxius & nemini se credens familiarium Suorum aut propinquorum tonderefilias Suas docuit ne tonsori Collum commit. terer, aquibus tamen is, cumiam esseut Adultae, ferrum removit, Instituitq. ut Candentibus juglandium putaminibus barbam sibi & Capilum adurerent. Hare. Such Ears likewise he hath. The murmuring sound But of a Bush, he taketh for an Hound, Which makes him take his Legs & run for fear, When not the least apparent danger 's near. And hence it is when on the Throne he sits, A bold Offender drives him from his wits, A boisterous word from either Count or Clown, Shall run his Majesterial Honour down. So that without respect unto the cause, Oft to their Rage doth sacrifice the Laws. Fear being in the Scale, I oft him find, The Faces of distressed ones to grind, Without reluctance or respect to me, Against his Oath which should most Sacred be: For he well knows these can no Patrons have, That from his Hands might juster measure crave. Euphorbus. A Plaguy Pest it is, and like it none, To see a * Artemon adeo timidusfuit, ut domi plurimum viveret Servis duobus Scutum aereum Supia Caput Semper tenentibus, we quod Superne Caderet aut ne Caeium rueret. Herae. par. Coward sit upon a Throne. None are more cruel, none more Sanguine be, When favoured with fit Opportunity. Mauricius the Emperor can't inhast, Out of my Thoughts without great dread be cast, Who sick at Heart, did dream by Phocas, he One time or other should assaffined be, He asketh Philip what might Phocas be? One of thine own Centariens, saith he. A Man of great Ambition, but withal there's not such Coward more among them all. Then he'll my Murderer be, a Bloody Spirit, (Saith he) a Poltrons' breast doth still inherit. He proved true Prophet, for within few days, He killed the Emperor and his Sceptre sways. Themista. Patly applied Euphorbus, I'll go on, With Periphobes and his Passion. Some to his guilt this Passion do impute, Others do this Conjecture quite confute, Ascribing it unto his vast Estate, Which he would keep against the checks of Fate, By hoarding up a swarm of Friends that may Be useful to him in a doubtful Day. Others again do charge this Action foul Upon the narrowness of his own Soul. Let these enjoy their Humours, but I must To thee declare the reason true and just. He fears not God and can't at all believe, What Divine Records of his Name do give. His matchless Justice, Holiness and Power Reside not on his serious Thoughts an hour; May he therefore secure his Corpse and pelf, With thoughts of Hell he won't disease himself, Nor love of Justice make him open his Jaws, For God, his People, or his sacred Laws. Euphorbus. Lord! I'm astoned at what I now do hear, Who could once think there could such panic fear Seize that Man's Heart, who holdeth his abode, In seat of Justice, and in place of God? When of our Saviour's Crucifiction, I With seriousness peruse the History: I do observe for no Inferior cause, That Jesus Christ our Lord Condemned was By Pilate, for he feared the People Rude, And killed our Lord to please the Multitude. And therefore justly in our Christian Creed, His most abhorred Name is Jibbeted, That Generations whilst the World shall last, May of the like Injustice be aghast. A modern Story likewise comes to mind, Of one Judge Morgan which Enrolled we find, Within the Reign of Mary, England's queen, Which without Trembling can't be read or seen. This Man in Judgement sat on Lady Jane An Innocent, yet was most roughly ta'en And brought at his Tribunal. Her cause heard His Conscience pricked him, but because afeared In quitting her, he might procure a Frown, From either Privy-Counsel or the Crown: He did a fatal Sentence 'gainst her pass, Accordingly she Executed was. Immediately the Judge grows wondrous sad, And desperately died Raging Mad. One recent instance more I can't but Name, Which public stories in our Ears procla'me And therefore shall with reverence tell the same. How did King Charles of all Kings the best, At's dying hour, even from his Heart detest That Fact of his in giving his consent, To strafford's Death, awed by the Parliament, No Sin of his on's Conscience ghastlier stood, Then the effusion of his Guiltless Blood: Let these Examples make the World beware, How they wound Justice on a groundless fear. Themista, My Dear Euphorbus! I shall nothing say, Concerning Periphobes more this Day, Mind only how I do his crimes resent, And with all sharpness urge him to repent. I'll name another one Mamodes * A Furious One. That doth me most Notorious Injuries: He bears a dreadful presence where he rules, And counteth all Men (save himself) but Fools. His Eyes are sparkling, as if they would boar The Breasts of Mortals, to find out a Sore. † Quo pacto quispium aut jus recte dicere aut homines decenter Judicare posset quinon Utrumq litigantem audiverit Plato. His Nose long-hanged (like to a Vultures Snout) That at a Distance scents Delinquents out. A † Crudelitatis horridus est habitus. Truculenta facies Violenti Spititus, Vox terribilis. Ora minis et cru entis imperiis referta, (vi Silentium donare incremertum est adricere. Val. Max. 1 9 single Eared Gentleman he is, And that's half Deaf for want of Exercise. The first complaint one Ear so long en grost, The sense of th' other is quite gone and lost; Yea, such Disease on that one Ear is grown, He is offended at some kinds of tone. What the distemper is, great thoughts there be, Some take't for a Noli me tangere, For if this humour any chance to touch, Difficilem oporlet anrem habere ad crimina. Publi▪ He'll by't and snarl his froward temper, such As if the Laws that are both good and right, Were to veil Bonnet to his Rage and spite. So that e'er Prisoners at the Bar can speak, Ira in auribus habitat. He doth into a thundering Passion break, Oportet Judicem aures obiusas habere & hebetes ad rumores atque fabulas. Plato. Which o'er their Hearts doth such affrightment spread, That before they know their crimes, they are half dead. Anon the Indictments read, wherein are told Ten Crimes, among them which scarce one will hold, With such dread Circumstances more beside, He must a Devil be if not belied. Nihil est violentius aure Tyranni. satire: Persp. cierdum est Judicanti Nequid, aut durius aut remissius Constituatur quam causa deposcit Martiarus. Up stands Maniodes, Sirrah! you hear What 'gainst you will (faith he) be made appear, The † Hanging is the worst use a man can be put unto. Clarendon. St. H. W. Gallows long since Villain! groaned for thee And thither shortly shall thy Carcase be, What further hast thou in defence to say, Till Derick come and take thee quite away? He's mute the very thoughts of threatened Death, Lays a suspension on his coming Breath. Thus he behaves himself at open Bar, And in the Country is no less severe. For he no sooner comes in Towns and sits, But he's enquiring after Huguenots, Summons the Officers to bring him in, A List of such as have most guilty been. This so much doth alarm the Neighbourhood, Men leave their Houses to possess some Wood, And tho' the Lion did design his Paw, 'gainst horned Beasts alone that crossed his Law. Yet will the Hare, whose fall the Lion scorns, Tremble for fear, his Ears be termed Horns. Euphorbus, Madam! the truth of this must be believed, By what I know in Spain, where once I lived, And therefore for diversions-sake shall tell, What an affrighted Peasant there befell. A Lord Inquisitor by chance did range, And came into a silly Peasant's Grange, On whom poor Soul! no sooner cast his sight, But fell a trembling 'fore this man of might, As if some Ghost or Daemon rather had Appeared, and in some ghastly garb been clad. And having little to procure him grace, For he was poor and in a thrift-less case, A Flasque of Pears before his Lordship brings, In most submissive mode 'mongst other things, Which are accepted: but when they were spent, His Lordship (not remote) him message sent. He must needs speak with him." Lord! what's the cause, " (Thinks he) I never did offend the Laws, " I am no Huguenot nor Heretic, " Nor at the Church's Rites did ever stick, " Both Mass and Matins I did still frequent, " Confessed and Penance did in time of Lent. " Calvin and Luther I do curse and hate, " Nor did I think or act 'gainst Church or State. " What have I done, that I must go before " His Direful Lordship, the Inquisitor? Immediately the Peasant takes his Bed, Nor Eats, nor Drinks, looks like a man that's dead. His Lordship hearing that the Man was Ill, And could not in that part observe his will, Another Messenger at last repairs, Tells him, his Lordship only begs some Pears. He soon revives, and presently did go, Into the Orchard where his Fruit did grow: Roots up the Tree, and with good will anon, Delivers it with store of Fruit th●●●… The Messenger condemns his rashness, and Acquaints him, that he did not understand His drift herein: His Lordship's only wish, Out of that Store, was but one friendly Dish. " Good Sir! be pleased, he said, and forthwith wept, " Within my House and Garden shall be kept " Nought what his Lordship loves: now 've the tree " You nor your Lord shall I hope more to see " For I protest, Death don't I more abhor, " Than the grim looks of the Inquisitor, " The thoughts of whom since thou last saw'st my house, " Hath made me value Life not at one Louse. Justice severely † Scriptum Sequi Calum niatoris est beni vero Judicis auct●rit●tem volentatemque desendere. racked, grows wan and dies, It's empty Throne, Oppression soon supplies, Whose direful rage unduely Subjects awes, And works abhorrence both to Lords and Laws. God keep St. Eustace's Government, that she May not transgress the bounds of Eqnity. Lest she turn Tyrant, and perchance what's worse, Her Infant mayor look like her Old * Termultis annts prae teteritis div ulgatum sui● quoddam Spectrum eo Nomine Mense Decembris, ibi. Perambulasse. black horse. Excuse me if I've this you told in vain. Madam! I long to hear what doth remain. Themista, Some are perchance surprised, & brought before His Worship, who like Lord Inquisitor, Gives them their Oath. You shall make answer true, To all such Questions as are asked of you: And forthwith by a most Imperial Nod, Bids him to Kiss the Book, so help you God. By Contents of the Book which you have kissed, When (saith he) last took you the Eucharist? When were you at the Mass? when were you shrift? And let your answer be without a shift; When did you Penance? likewise tell me who Was that damned Heretic last preached to you? These silly Lambs, what man can but condole, Who hereby damn their Body or their Soul. Nor can they from his dreadful Sentence fly, Without the cursed help of Perjury. Euphorbus. Heavens bless our Nation, and maintain the † Jura publica certissima sunt humanae Vitae Solatia infirmorum auxilia potentum fraena. Cassiod. Law, Which doth on Subjects no such mischief draw, But every Peccant is per testes charged, For want of which the Prisoner is enlarged. The Ex-official Oath, the Parliament To Rome and Hell from whence it came hath sent. That Court or Judge that shall it reinspire, Falls Sans redress into a Praemunire. And this Right Magna Charta doth convey, None is himself obliged to betray. Themista. I know the English Laws are just and good, Yet by some Rulers not well understood; They with like Oaths as these (not taking care) Oft 'gainst the Law some silly Souls ensnare, But for God's sake and your own Countries good, Tell what I say. Bid them beware of * reum absoluere, quam damnate & Occidere praestat. illnd namque peccatum hoc Impietas. Antipho. Blood. The Miscreant next Parantmos we have, A Gentleman both Ancient, Wise and Grave, His Eyes are roving all the World about, To find the humours 〈◊〉 all Persons out; Of which he keeps account so full, so true, He knows their Birth, ' State, Parts, Friends store or few. His Memory his his Mon'ter that directs Him how to give them all their meet respects, Squaring the Measures of his Actions so, His favours ever with the stream do go. Hence is't when that two differees have long, Been by the Ears concerning right and wrong, Met at the Bar to hear the Sentence last, That likely, shall be at the Action past: The very Clowns that least of Law do know, Forchode and tell for whom the cause will go. And when myself has doubted, I have gone Through a vast crowd, & a most numerous throng, Plucked him by th' Ear, yea, pinched his leathern heart, Cried, Justice! Justice! yet he did not start. But gives the final Sentence, that might best Serve his own Friend, Geeat Man or Interest. Not long ago, a Man of mean Estate, Hoping for Justice, waited at his Gate. And that so long, so oft, without access, That he despairs, goes off without success. His mean Deportment, and his Sunburnt Skin, Wanted a Pass to let him friendly in. His cause was dismal, for his cruel Lord Did not like Measure ere that time afford, He cast this Man from out his Farm, because He wanted Copy-License from his Paws. Tho his own Steward promised it before For one Gold Angel, and as good as Swore. With much ado † Judicis auxilium sub iniqua lege regato. Saepe etiam Leges cupiunt ut Jure regantur Cato. Paranomos at last, His lofty Eyes upon this Mushroom cast. Fellow (saith he) I can't now talk with you, You must at Law, his Lordship's Steward Sue. A task so Vain, as if to have his right An Infant had been bid Goliath fight: Whereas he should redressed such wrong as this, By pleading for him Form â pauperis, But his Antagonist was high and great, So Justice must give place to Fraud and Cheat. Euphorbus, Madam! that Judge was more upright by far That had an Earl's Son once brought to's Bar, I'll not be tedious but you'll see in brief, He spared not Greatness nor Excused a Thief. A Prisoner he was 'fore this Judge brought Who had some Capital offences wrought. Being arraigned & Cast doth humbly pray His Lordship's audience unto what he'd say, My Lord! Saith he, stop Sentence for I am One, that from a most Noble Extract came. The Judge replies, your Crimes deserve the halter Nor can in Justice I this Sentence alter. This Boon indeed I will not you deny, Your Gibbet therefore shall be Strong and High. Madam! I hope there are no more you find That 'gainst your Ladyship are thus inclined. Themista. No more, Euphorbus! yes far more there are Than I'll now tell, lest I thy patience Mar, But I've not all my story told to thee How he behaved himself in Germany. To tell thee When, It not the Matter helps, But 'twas in th' days of Gibeline and Guelps. * Sith in humane Laws there be more things arbitrable than forceable Judges ought to a pproach more to Reason then opinion Plutto Trajan. Paranomos was then a Justice there After their cruel feuds grown calmer were, And both Sworn Subjects to the Emperor. He being chief to one party Kind, Bore 'gainst the other a Revengful mind. A thousand Crimes in Guelps he could not see When that the silly Gibeline must be Even for one * Non ex Verbis pendet jus, sed verba serviunt hominum Confiliis & auctoritatibus. Nec Verba veniunt in judicium sed ea re Cujus causa Verba in leges Conjecta sun●. M. T. Cice. Peccadillo clapped secure, And made what Law * Can well inflict Legibus maxime amica est Simplicitas. Ibid. With patience this was born till at last, The Empire into Civil broils was cast, Where he that Partial was this fate did bear The people in two pieces him did tear; The Justice of whose fall I never denied, He lived Divided, and divided died. But I'll Contract two brethren Joined by Blood, Magnun bonum sunt leges sed fi quis nimis has intuetur a cute sycophante fit Menandr. And governed one and self same Neighbourhood I cannot but Complain of unto thee, Which Greatly do oppose my sovereignty. Procrites and swart Ecdicates who Are of a like Complexion and like hue. A prejudiced and Revengful One. Whose Ears are long (and Boar-like very quick) To hear what's said against an Heretic, Who if it but in a word * hap to transgress, Theodo. Arcad. & Honorius Nol lent quen quam de populo subiici poenae qui procacitate linguae at Maledicto in se peceasset. Quonlam siopprobrium ex levitate processerit negligendum, Si surore aut in sania Condolendum si deniqe ab injuria remittendum Sit. Are by promoters seldom rendered less, But mounted up so to the highest pin A Venial's turned into a Mortal Sin. And Chiefly if a Monk or Friar do Add but their Wit and fiery Zeal thereto. An act becoming ill their Sacred hood, For oftentimes their heat Concludes in Blood. Euphorbus. Madam Excuse me if I seem too prone, To give your Ladyship divertion. 'Tis often said there is no Christian Law, That will allow a Priest a Sword to draw. No Reverend Bishop in a Jury shall Their Verdict give in matters Capital. Yet by Experience We do often find None have to bloodshed been so much inclined, And some have been requited in their kind. Madam! to all that hath been said before, I'll only give you one short story more. Philip a Bishop of Beavoys in France, Whom fortune did unto that See advance For feats of Chivalry 'gainst England done Was in a battle by our Natives won, Surprised and taken, whom our King doth hold Immured with others in a Dungeon cold. The Prelate grumbles at his destiny And to the Pope he doth himself apply. Pleads, to Excuse himself from Sec'lar thrall, His upstart dignity Episcopal. The Pope's Enraged and in a pet Commands A Speedy freedom from his loathsome bands. Urges his Preisthood as a Sacred thing, And mayn't be punished by an Earthly King. Moreover damns the fact as rashly done, To Seize his Bishop and beloved Son. The King in his affairs advised was well, Knew that a Victim Just to's Conquest fell, Returns the Armour which his body wore When he was taken by the Conqueror, These words Engraven planly were thereon Is this the Coat Sir, of your priestly Son? At this his Holiness was wondrous wroth, And from his lips rapt out a Sacred Oath. This was the Coat of Mars and not his Son, So gave him up to Execution. Madam! I've done, Now let me further hear, These Judges great misdeeds and Character. Themista. Their Memories retentive are and hold, For ever fast what spite and Malice told. This * Non minus Turpe princtpi Multa Supplicia quam medico Multa funera. Clarendon. grates them much till them this change befall Their hearts are into Wormwood turned & gall: So that the sugared sentences which they, Or their grave Counsel in defence shall say. Is as success less as his pains would be, That would the Ocean of its Saltness free. But though that Heresy be made the ground, Of that dire rancour in their bosom found. Yet all the Neighbourhood do plainly Know, A grudge long since did on their stomaches grow Which sigh by Violence they could not vent, Under the robe of Justice now is spent. Yea though that God Almightys Sacred Law, (So good, so Equal, and devoid of flaw.) Commands that we forgive our foes as we, Do hope ourselves by God Forgiven to be. Yea * Animum vin cere Iracundiam coh be re victor 〈…〉 rare Adversarum Nobilitate, ingenio, Virtute praestare Non modo Extollere Jacentem sid etiam amplisicare eius pristinam digni tatem, Haec qui facit non ego eum summis Viris Comparo sed simillimun deo Judico. M. Cicero. though their Sovereign in Clemency, Hath passed himself an act of Amnesty. And by his Sacred Word for E'er hath fenced, Such as before he was against incen'st. Yet ' spite of Hea'en and Majestic throne, They will revenge it and not pardon one: These would be Zealots of the Highest rank, But done concern them more than they have thank. Nor can they so far blind all people's eyes, But one or other soon their guile Espies. Which by unconquered demonstration shows, 've acted Devil in St. Samuel's . Venting their Wares in a deceitful shade Their own Avengers are in Masquerade. Euphorbus. Madam! such Miscreants as these do bring, Woe to themselves, and Odium on their King. And to mine own Experienceed hath been known, Such spitish Wasps have from their seats been thrown Eye hath for Eye and tooth for tooth been paid, Till men and Cities in the dust were laid. Now whilst upon that subject I am cast, I'll tell you in my travels what hath past, At Milan where those eyes of mine did see, Rancour requited with Severity. Proud Milan loath to bear Imperial Yoke, Their due Allegiance to their Prince they broke Slighted great Fredrick, and from him withdrew, That Homage which was to their sovereign due. Yea to Rebellion did that Malice add, A Constant Hatred 'gainst that house they had. It so evened, when Beatrice his Wife, Fancied a Journey to delight her life. She came to Milan only there to see, That Once Appurt'nance of the Empirye. Not on an ill intent, or as a Spy, But merely out of Curiosity. Having supposed that time had quite outworn, The feud they had against the Emp'rout borne. The tidings were hereof no sooner Flown, But the rude Multitude within the Town. In coveys flock and in a Barbarous way, Her tender Corpse within their Prison lay, This done, they take her forth, and then astride Upon a silly Mule they make to ride, With face towards the Tail, & at command, Instead of bridle held the same in hand. Thus so exposed in Every lane and street, To her great shame, and very sore regreet, They led her forth without the gate, where they With Kicks uncivil bid her take her way. This act so foul Revenge doth soon pursue, A potent Army the great Fred'rick drew. Before her walls and in some little space, In fury Stormed and possessed the place. Adjudged them all unto the dint of Sword, Only this Kansome he did them afford. Between the Buttocks of a skittish Mule, Which none could either Master, tame, or rule. Was fixed a bunch of Figgs, the conquered these, (That they the Empr'rors' fury might appease, And save their lives, which now ware at the Stake,) With both their hands bound fast behind their back. Must with their teeth pluck out as she did pace, And this was taken for a wondrous Grace. Such as Nor would nor could with this Comply, Did by the Weapons of the soldiers die. " Mercy finds Mercy but the cruel wight, " Vengeance with Interest will estsoons requite Themista. All this is true, but what availeth this, To melt the heart that Adamaine is. Howe'er perform thy office, and let me, Know the successes of thine Embassy. Go tell the Malefactors to their face, That sigh they have me driven from my place. I'll spread their Crimes 'fore the Almighty King, In such a mode that all the Heavens shall ring. Unless they do repent, and change their mind, And unto me more friendly be inclined Heaven speed thy way, and when thou meetest my Friends, Tell them Themista to them Greeting Sends. Conclusio & Votum Authoris. Heaven's preserve our Caesar, and secure His Race from harm as long's the World doth 'dure. Endow them with all Heavenly Grace, that they The British Sceptre may with Justice sway. Cherish all Loyal Hearts, proud Rebels tame, And keep our clergy from deserved blame. Rule all our 〈◊〉 make our Judges Just, Let not the Sword that's in their Scabbard rust. Root up all Vice, let Virtue sprout amain, And in King Charles' Heart, King Jesus! Reign. FINIS. The Printers Advertisement to the Reader. THere is another Piece shortly will be extant, (God willing) Entitled, Tavistock Anatomised; or the Honour, Dignity, Privileges, and other Natural Virtues of that Famous and Ancient Borough displayed, in a brief Comment on its Name, Situation, Air, Water, Firing, Abbey, Manufacture, etc. Consisting of more than Twenty Chapters, each Chapter attended with a pleasant and suitable Poem, very recreaiive to Ingenious Minds, and cannot but be very acceptable to all Men, especially such who had the Honour of their Birth or Education in that Clime. Price One Shilling. Likewise another Entitled, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Containing the Golden Epistles of divers Renowned Gentiles, particularly of several Roman Emperors, wherein may be read their profound Wisdom and Policy, besides those Incomparible Moralities that challenge not only the Admiration, but strenously call for the Imitation of the gentilest Christian: First done out of the Original Greek, by a learned Spaniard, Chronicler to that great Emperor, Charles the fifth, for about 160 Years since, and here communicated to the World in our Native Tongue.