The Malignant's Conventicle: OR, A learned Speech spoken by M. WEB, a Citizen, to the rest of his Society, Which did consist of Citizen-Malignants, Papists, Priests, Apprentices, Wenches.  
At their common Tavern meeting house in Lincoln's Inne-fields.  
In which are many things very necessary to be observed, and of so great concernment, that if you will not believe, then take what follows: For now all is out.   depiction of Mr. Webb giving his speech in the tavern 
LONDON, Printed for Anti-Dam-mee, in Telltruth Lane, at the sign of the Holly-wand. 1643. Jan: 28th 1642   

THE Malignants Conventicle: OR, A learned Speech spoken by M. WEB, a Citizen, to the rest of his Society, at their common Tavern meetinghouse in Lincolns-Inne-fields.  
Gentlemen,  
I Have a great matter to impart unto you, therefore I pray you prepare your ears to attend what I shall say, we are none here (I hope) but such as are faithful.  
You may remember that at our first meeting we adventured on a far more dangerous work then now we sail by: The Cavaliers were not then so well backed with a popislt Army, that will stand sure to us against the King and Parliament, and all the honest prefessors of the truth in the City, but now they are grown strong, and that distracts the Parliament, and makes all the true Protestants in the City at their wit's end; You know how careful I have been to accomplish the expectation of all our hopes, though our bad cause hath had as bad success, yet let us not leave off: for if ever we do but gain an opportunity to plunder the City, our cracked fortunes may gain estates, and though we are now so poor that all we about an hundred of us, are not able to pay for these two gallons of Wine we have called for, but must score for one of them, yet would that pray replenish all our wants and fill our purses.  
Gentlemen, I know you expect that I should speak something of what is past, and therein I shall endeavour to give you the best satisfaction I can: You know what fair promises Father Andrew's and Father Bullock and the rest of the Priests and Friars made us if we could 〈…〉 most damnable design they set us on, besides the great rewards of many; you know that my Brother Toll-taker is to be quafferer to the new Cardinal, and my Brother Cheesemonger the Clerk of the Kitchen; the bonny Porter shall be made a great Doctor by a special Writ: and his consen john the Cardinal's chief Secretary, and for the rest you know what was faithfully promised, though they never mean to pay it; Brethren, you know our case is desperate; therefore desperate designs do best befit us, if we ever expect advancement.  
You know the first design was to frame a cunning Petition in pretence of peace, to gain an opportunity of mutiny in the City, and this was carried very discreetly, we got many thousand of hands to it in a short time, for we made them believe (poor simple fools) that it was for peace, and there were (as we thought) three quarters of the City ready to back us, for trading was grown dead in the City, and the Parliament caused them to pay money for their own good and safety, and gladly might they pay it to prevent us if they understood themselves well, what with our dissembling words, and what with our feigned hands we flattered, and forged names enough to our Petition, and with a goodly attendance we came to Guild-Hall, with good cudgels in our hands, we passed the guard of Soldiers, and entered the Hall; and thinking the City to be our own, we fell upon the Soldiers and beat them terribly, and had not those without broke in upon us, we had gone up to the Parliament men that was above with the Aldermen, and we had made a bloody day of it, but when we saw that our side was not so strong as we expected, we was feign to run some one way, some another to hid us any where, yet some very manfully stayed and delivered the Petition, and it was read, but here was the mischief of it, the cunning paces that read it discovered all our intents, and understood by the Petition that we did but jeer the City with it; and so they sent us away like fools as we came, and some of us were committed to Prison as we justly deserved; For I must confess unto you Gentlemen, that it went extremely against my conscience, and so it doth still, to abuse the Parliament: but what will not such desperate men as we are do for hope of profit and honour? This makes us forget religion, love, liberty, conscience, and all that doth not conduce to our profit. Nay they were so cunning to discern that we would have peace without truth, and indeed you know it was so; so we did not desire truth, only pretended to desire peace, aiming neither it peace nor truth. Desire truth! No: if you would have the truth of it, we could with that all truth and Peace work at an end in the City, that we might come to plundiering and pillaging, for there lies our hopes, if we could once set them together by the Ears, we would part, the spoil.  
Gentlemen, you know that when this project had so bad an issue, we caused our Apprentizes to combine as we did before them, that they might see if they could cousin the Parliament by violent petitioning, we ourselves would be near hand, if they wanted aid, and indeed poor silly souls they were as earnest for us as we could desire, they got thousands of Hands to their Petition presently, and to Westminster they went several times with it, and stood so stoutly to our Treachery, that they were ready to fall foul on most religious Members of both Houses, they cried for Peace on any terms, Peace, nothing but Peace, for you know if the Parliament would let our Cavaliers have Peace on what terms they would, than they would (as we) give them good words till we had gained an opportunity to take away all that they have from them, than we would advance our fortunes, enrich ourselves, and murder them; then Nine-penny-Moll, nor you sarah, nor my Cousin Bess there, would command us, as we how are glad to subject to you, but the spruce Citizen's Wives and daughters should satisfy the lust both of them and us, as the Northern Lasses have done to some of them already.  
Well our poor prentices had but a cold Answer, the House found that it was but a fallacy, and respected them accordingly, and our hopes was twarted in this also.  
So we drew up a most damnable abusive Book amongst ourselves, to scandalise the Parliament, I know you have all seen it, it is called the City's Complaint to the House of Commons, etc. This Book we got a foolish Printer that did not know what he did, to print, for it was such a most wicked, invective Pamphlet, that had he had either Conscience, Religion, Obedience, or humanity, if he knew what it was, he would not have meddled with it, nor indeed would I Gentlemen, had I any other hopes to rest on.  
But we got it perfected, and thousands of them printed, and it beguiled the Affections of many, and was applauded, and generally amongst our brothers malignants, and Newtrals believed, we scattered them about the Palace at Westminster, about the Hall, and in the City, and did it so cunningly, that we were none of us taken, only the Printer was suspected, and sent for, but we got him off, because he so handsomely feigned the Author thereof to be a particular man, slipped out of the way, and so it was hushed over, than we fell to printing of them again, and got some spending money, by them, which hath kept us ever since, but here was a mischief fell out in this too, for some cunning pate or other hath put the same Title upon an other Pamphlet that discovered all our knavery, and did us as much hurt as our own did us good; surely God is against us, for we strive directly against the prescript rule me are taught in his holy word. But let us not be weary, but run till we come to the end of the Race, perhaps we may win the Garland, but I must tell you it is very unlikely.  
I know you are not ignorant how my brother Towler played Bopeep with them, when he run like a hunted Hare, (being the more fearful because his Conscience smote him, for his knavery) but he was taken and carried to Prison (as well he deserved, and my brother Cheesmonger was as faithful as he, for he had furnished his house with good store of Ammunition for our design, if ever we gain an opportunity to plunder, but I know not how God that brings all wickedness to light, in due time discovered that to the Parliament, and it was all taken, and we deprived of him too.  
Afterwards we wrote two pretended Speeches, one of the Earl of Pembrokes, the other the Lord Brooks, and sold three times as many of them as of the former, nay we forged the Clerk of the Parliaments hand to it, and an order for thanks be given to the Lord Brook for the same, and this project took bravely, for there were thousands in the City did verily believe it to be true, but at last it was discerned, and the Printer committed, but this business passed well, if may call it well, being such a base Action.  
The Cavaliers by this time in the Countries were confident that we had made London our own, and so we ourselves thought too, but that our consciences told us that such courses could never prosper.  
They fell to pillaging, robing, and killing the Country Protestants, and harkening daily when an opportunity would invite them to London, but amongst the rest of the Cavaliers that came from Oxford into Nottingham shire; were basely served at a little Village near Newarke upon Trent, there was about forty of them that had made a vow to ravish all the pretty maids in the Town, this Protestation they made at an Alehouse in Newarke, and was over heard by a Boy that drew Beer in the house, who went to this Village, and gave the People of the Town notice thereof. The Cavaliers not knowing hereof went upon their design, and when they came thither they espied a very handsome nut-brown Lass, standing near a great house that was at the Town's end; who seeing of them come towards her took sanctuary in the house: and about twenty of the Cavaliers after ●er, expecting that they had gotten a prize, but when they were come into he Hall, they found above forty good stout fellows that were ready provided for them, who shut fast the door, and cudgeled them sound, that they were not able neither to go nor stand, so that they had little list afterwards to wenching; the other twenty hearing them cry out ran all away, fearing they were betrayed (for the least suspicion in the world fears an ill cause) and about half a mile off they came to a Farmer's house, which stood at the end of another little village, where was no body at home but the good wife and her maid, who seeing them come, left their dairy and went into the Town, the mean while the Cavaliers seized upon their Buttermilk and curds and whey and cream, and such white meat as was in the dairy-house, where they filled their bellies so full that they could scarce go, and when they had done, carried with them such Hens and Ducks and other poultry as they could well, for indeed their bellies were so full they could scarce carry themselves.  
At last the good wife was returned with her maid and above forty women with her, for the men were soon gone to the other village to prevent the plot, and the rest were at plough, or some husbandmen's labour; and all the Cavaliers were gone out of the Dairy-house, but one of the women espied two or three of them together untrussing in a ditch, who lay as close as they could for fear the women should spy them, she gave notice to the rest, who fell upon them with Spits, Forks, Racks, Spades, Staves, and such weapons as they could get, and basted them welfavouredly, and the Buttermilk and Whey did so work with them, that they were so troubled with the squirt, that the women trased them by the smell, and so met with most of them, for they were not able to fly fast before them, so that they were sound paid before they got to Newarke, and had little list to boast of their success, or to attempt the like after.  
But to go on concerning our proceed here, you know there was a Common-Hall called at Guild-Hall, and we did hope then to have cried down the Lord Major and to have raised a mutiny against the Parliament men that came thither, my cousin john be was appointed to stand in the Court yard, and rail against the Lord Major and the rest, and call them Traitors; and curse them sound, which he performed excellent well, and indeed had many fell in to side with him as he thought, but one that knows him (who hates our base courses) took notice of him, and hath discovered him, and I fear he will be apprehended if he do not fly for it, therefore we must be careful to cherish him all we can, lest he discover us, and so we be all hanged for abusing the King and Parliament, and indeed the whole Kingdom.  
We had a great deal of care to take the opportunity of this day, we had many scours, and prevailed with some Common-counsell-men to be ready to assist us in the making of an uproar, which was attempted at the first but soon dashed again, and (indeed) whereas we thought to gain great advantage that day, our bad cause sustained loss.  
Such care had we to make all things sure that we went to the Brokers, and hired Gowns that we might be entertained like Common-council men of the City without suspicion, and there we rushed in and stood amongst them in our borrowed Gowns (I wonder indeed that the Brokers would trust us, it may be that they will want the return of some of them) but here was a mischief befell us too, for the Proctor was known, and is like to answer for it: I tell you Gentlemen, me thought when we were in our grave fur'd gowns, that we were in too good a posture to betray, or to do the least hurt to an honest cause, as you know theirs is; I know not (what was the cause) but I am sure that we were ashamed of our cause, and so we shall ever be, we did as much as nothing.  
Yet I conceive that we have now gained a good opportunity to plunder the City if our Apprentices can but obtain this present opportunity of equal power with the best Citizens to dispose of State matters, which will be a great means of mutiny, let us be wise to raise a strong commotion, lest delay discover all our treachery.  
Gentlemen, you see hitherto we have not prospered nor our cause, it is bad and thrives accordingly, what shall we do in the next place, I desire that every one may freely speak, that we may conclude what to do, for now is the time or never, we and all our business is more and more discovered, and the more we delay the weaker we shall now be, therefore let us conclude at this time concerning the next design.  
The Answer that was made to this Speech is not yet discovered, when I hear of it, I shall publish it.   
FINIS.