map of the British Isles with chariot. Edenburg Dublin LONDON TOuching this emblem that portrayed we see, Take it, as 'tis, a landscape for to be, In midst of which, the Stygian god amain Is hurried along by Dragons twain, Fully resolved within himself to see How matters handled were in Brittany. And as he posts along, his eye doth cast Upon the neighbouring Isles about him placed, Strictly observing what he now might find That might be pleasing to his devilish mind. Each kingdom is distinguished in brief, By that same city is its head, or chief. GRAND PLUTO'S progress through Great Britain, And Ireland. BEING A diary, or exact journal of all his Observations during the time of his walking to and fro in the said kingdoms. Found on Dunsmore Heath, and translated out of infernal characters into English Verse. By G. W. alias Philoparthen Esdras. Proper. Lib. 3. Fortuna miseras auximus arte vias. Printed in the year 1647. Pluto's progress THROUGH GREAT BRITAIN. The Argument. He that in a Serpents hide Inflamed our Grandam Eve with pride, To be like God; forsaking hell, Doth visit earth, where mortals dwell; Arrived in * England; Anglia, joys to see Fury, pride and luxury Predominant; that from the crown Unto the rigid rustic clown, He was adored, by his sons Of various religions: He doth applaud their evil lives, And for to urge them forward strives. Then to * Ireland. Hibernia takes his way, Talks with the rebels, whose dismay He mitigateth, vaunting, he Will both their Guide and Captain be. He vieweth Scotland, but in ire Departeth thence, and doth retire Amongst the * Wales. Cambrians, likes their acts, Promiseth to reward their facts: Returns, to fill his fiery throne. The Author makes conclusion. THe Prince of darkness, in his flaming Car, The same he rode in, when he seized on * Proserpina. Her He after made his Queen, of coal-black hew, And misty-footed, were the jades him drew, Ascends the earth, and gallops up and down Great Britain's continent, in every town He passes, and unseen himself doth shroud, As Venus once Aeneas in a cloud: 'Bout him a Role he bare, in which he writ What he then saw for to remember it: And having ta'en his progress quite throughout * Great Britain. Britannia Major, he began to doubt, That if he stayed too long, the fiends of Hell Against him might combine and eke rebel: He held it best no longer for to stay, * Sentence. Knowing that danger still waits on delay; And therefore he gave to his steeds the rain, Who hurried him like Phaeton amain: His chariots jolting so amazed his sense, That he let fall his penned intelligence: And till he came into the shades below, That he had lost his scroll, he did not know. Jonson's prophetic * A comedy, written by B. Johnson so termed. Play is come to pass, Who'll now not say, the devil is an ass. A friend of mine as he by chance rid o'er That dismal Dunsmore-Heath, not to explore As many do, to plunder those they meet, Beheld a role of paper at his feet; taking it up and viewing of it well, He found, to read it, did his wit excel, As the Egyptians, ere they Letters found, Had all their books in hieroglyphics bound: Such mystic writing did the scroll include, Which uncouth piece when he to me had showed, With pain, and study undefagitable I here have rendered as my muse, was able. Pluto's Narratien. With great desire to know what things were done On earth, and whether mortals did not shun The dire suggestions of my Agents there, I Hell forsook that I the truth might hear; arrived on earth I praised my own abode, Knew my own good to be the Stygian God; The state of the world at this present. For there I all things out of order found, But there is order underneath the ground. There each man studies evil 'gainst his Brother, But there the fiends do never harm each other. * One of the Furies. Aenyo, I had thought her dwelling had In Tartarus, but there I found her clad In bloody garments, shaking of her light, And wooing all men to the bloody fight. Vile A●e there her mansion hath made, * Contention who the Poets write to throw a golden apple, Juno, Venus, Minerva, biding the most beauteous of the three Goddesses to take it, &c. And exerciseth her destroying trade: All things go arsy-varsy, quite contrary, And in ill-boding acts they strive to vary. They wrest the balance from fair Justice fist, And make her Instruments do what they list, And truth to say (if ere I truth did tell) There's the Effigies of distracted Hell. His Observations in England The Nations with white Rocks, who are surrounded, Who are by Neptune's billows, each way bounded, Whom I had feared, had hated me so sore, They would not hearken to my hellish lore; Henceforth my fears are taken clear away, Hereafter I'll not doubt their soul's decay. I came at first into a country town, Doubting my entertainment with the clown, * Citizens, I'd thought their plain rigid rusticity Had furnished them with such simplicity That they were void of those crimes cleave to them Who a man only * The goddess of Plenty, according to the Poets. as his clothes esteem But even there the thrasher vying was With him who erst did mow the verdant grass: There were two farmers who in wealth did flow, Ceres, and twice borne * The God of Wine, said to be twice borne of Semele, and again of Jove's thigh. Bacchus did allow Them corn & wine abundance, their focks were great, Rich Autumn filled their barns with corn complete: Yet emulation did so far prevail, They grudged each others good; and would assail, With sturdy blows, each other, when they met, And toils, to trap each others' flock, would set: And when by chance, his neighbour's horse he found, Broke from his Master, grazing on his ground, He with a knife would wound him, hoping now He ne'er again should draw the crooked Plow. I like ye, ye dull swains, and joy to see, That you in envy are so like to me. Another Town next day I came unto, Where all the inhabitants were prompt to do What ere my agents should bring in their brain; But for to do aught virtuous held it vain. They had lived long in blinded ignorance, My enemy's God's Pastors, who advance This kingdom above mine, they never had, And that they then them wanted, were most glad: Their right hand from their left, they never knew, Nor yet a reason of their faith could show, O my true servants, you 'bove all I love, Who for to live in darkness do approve, And hate the light; the knowledge of the truth 'Tis that 'tis that alone doth work me ruth: " For had not learned men the truth discovered, " But that behind a cloud it still had hovered " How many thousands that are now in glee, " Had been copartners of my fact, with me? " I have no better prop stays up my throne, " than Ignorance, nurse of confusion: " And therefore I full wisely have provided, " That learned men should be by fools derided: " The learning lives in penury, and bare, " While fools grow rich and feed on diantiest fare: " That no man should be honoured for his wit, " But only golden oar should purchase it: " That if great Homer, Hesiod, Mare, Nas●, " Ariosto, Spenser, ●ar renowned Tass●, " Were now on earth, *" Homer and Hesiod two Greek Poets, living, as some write, in one age: Virgil and Ovid, two Latin Poets lived at one and the same time. Ariosto and Tasso, two most excellent Italian Poets, the one flourished in the days of K. Henry the eight, the other in the days of his daughter Queen Mary. Spencer the best and most excellent of English Poets that ever was flourished in the days of Queen Elizabeth●●●●●…sed memory. they should not be regarded, " But fools 'fore them respected and rewarded. Proceed dull Swads, still hate all learned men, But above all those that do use their pen, Compiling volumes of theology, Reading high Lectures of divinity; For those if you should them respect, would dare Still for to make you of their good to share: And you by their instructions, so might be Partakers of great Jove's felicity. And next be sure, that you ne'er fail to spite All those that do of human Arts indite, Of logic, rhetoric, philosophy, Writing their minds in Prose or poesy: " If you love me, as I am sure you do, " than you will hate those that do hate me too; Never peruse the Grammar key of Arts, Nor he that doth of logic treat the parts: Oflie quaint rhetoric, for that will move You for to be with human arts in love, Which as a key to you most sure will serve T' unlock the Scriptures, from which now you swerve. His observations in London. Luds famous town I next beheld in view, And to my joy the nearer I it drew, The more I heard a loud and clamorous noise Of those that uttered a distracted voice, While some bawled out, we will not be subject Unto our betters, * Ovid de Ponto: Ipse licet venias musis comitatus Homer. Nil tamen attuleris ibis Homere foras. nor will yield respect To one more than another; were we not All of one man, even Adam first begot? Shall any tread on us, and make us thrall, " For they esteem all laws tyrannical: we'll each man be commander of his wealth, And each one be a Law unto himself, And if we list to brawl, to fight, or slay, There's none therefore shall aught unto us say: The sturdy ox, the lovely Cow doth mount, Not dreaming to be called to account, The valiant horse performeth natures laws, Not fearing he lawes rigor on him draws; And is man more enslaved than beasts, whose state Is unto his great power subordinate; We will be eased of laws and bindings over, The Golden Age we will again recover, The happy time is come, that we shall be Restored to our restrained liberty. Do so my zealous sons, and imitate Me your great Master, who extremely hate To be subjected, else I sure ne'er Had left the highest for the lowest Sphere: Why should you of stern Judges stand in awe, And for offences dread th' injurious Law? Why should you be restrained from your desire, When with my Furies I do you inspire? I do pronounce your thoughts and deeds to be As I would with most pleasing unto me; You shall be sure, when you in hell reside, My territories shall be amplified For you, you there Cum Privilegio may Refuse both God and man for to obey; There you in dalliance may spend the time, And never fear amercement for your crime, With beauteous * The wicked wife of wicked Ahab. Jezabel and fairest * A Whore of Rome, who dying made the people of that City her heirs, who after her death worshipped her with divine honours. Flora, * Her whom the Gallants of Athens would fain have had Diogenes to have dallied with: But he replied to her and them that he would not buy sin at so dear a rate. Lais and * A famous Whore of Rome. Thais, stately * Queen of Egypt and whore to Julius Caesar. Clopatra, With divers other far renowned whores, Of whom my kingdom now affordeth store: There you may dance Corantoes, Orpheus shall Strike on his Harp with you, the Furies all Shall hand in hand upon a burning hearth Change their Lavaltoes as if upon earth. Near there another Troop aloud did cry, And with their echoing voices rent the sky; How long shall we want that was promised us, And with vain hopes be still deluded thus? When will it be that those cursed men shall die, Who have occasioned our calamity. We fain would drink your blood with full crowned cups Even as the great Balena water sups. And to devour them now we could outvie, With the man-eating Anthropophagi; You are my dearest sons that fain would see Your brethren butchered, and desire to be Spectators of their tragic falls, O ever May you add to your ire, and still persever, And lest your thirst forblood the least decay, I'll send unto you my Rhamnusia, Who still shall prompt you, till yourselves you make Fit of my gloomy glories to partake: But when night drew her curtain o'er the world, And darkness o'er the Hemisphere was hurled, I came to that same * The Tower of London. Tower, whereas once three Princes were slain by Richard's cruelty. His discourse with I. L. in the Tower. And there imprisoned in a cage of stone, All in a melancholy passion, I saw one walking, unto whom I went, And did audacious * The first King Henry the sixt stabbed with a dagger by Richard then Duke of Gloucester, the other two were his brother's sons, who by his procurement were there murdered. Penree represent; Saying, O thou whom swords nor gibbets fears, Thou who hast set three kingdoms by the ears, Who hast the Lord's anointed so reviled, That thou our English Shimei Mayst be styled, Who hast broached errors, a sufficient crew To damn this Age and that which shall ensue, * A libeler in the days of Q. Elizabeth. Who hast maligned God, railed against all Law, One like to thee no former age e'er saw; And if we heed Pythagoras relation, My soul doth dwell in thee by transmigrarion: I in Eliza's days wrote libels many, Were before thine ne'er paralleled by any; So that in evil we are brethren both, At this he began to wax wondrous wrath: And said, Penree I scorn that thou shouldst be My rival, or by any ranked with me, It is my glory, that 'bove all ere dared To rail 'gainst Church and State, they if compared With me were puny traitors, I am one Shall eclipse all their glories, and when gone, Posterity when they my Books shall view, Shall stand amazed, I durst such boldness show; Their eyes they shall not credit, some shall think It piety to force their eyes to wink, And not behold my lines, (when as so high) I saw his irreligious words to fly, As I unseen came thither, Pluto leaveth the Tower, and cometh again into the City. so from thence Away I flew for more intelligence: And standing in the corner of a street, I there beheld a merchant's man to meet A beauteous satin Dame, whose husband was One fit with * Spensers. Collins Malbeeco to pass, On whom she smirked, and embraced him saying, O I have been heartsick for thy delaying: My dearest, come let us embrace and be Here on the earth another Gemini; Away they went invoking * feigned to be the goddess of beauty, and protectress of lust. Venus' aid, Lustful * A Spirit having to do with women. Asmotheus both their minds then swayed, And to a house they came, where an old woman Kept many wenches private, who were common, There he his Master's gold about let fly, Spending some hundred pounds luxuriously, Just twenty pieces must buy her a gown, And twenty pieces more be swallowed down In wine and sweet meats, do so still my son, Bring soul and body to confusion; This is the bait with which most men I catch, Save those that o'er their faculties do watch, * Wine and Bacchus and * Women. Venus are the cords which draw Men's souls to hell. Next unto these I saw A fellow laughing in his sleeve, that he So neatly could guild o'er his fallacy That it was not discerned, and so could seem, That men him as upright and just did deem, And did exalt him for to be their Teacher, And harkened to him as a virtuous Preacher, While he mean time was only seeming good, And Lobsters and Eringoes made his food, That he unto the height his whores might please In Venus' game their burning lust to ease, Rejoiced in sin, and gloried that he Could with the worst of sinners wicked be. Ha, ha, why so? I like this wondrous well, Rejoice ye Furies and make glee in hell, All crimes are in this town predominant, Then how can you many Associates want: Many of these I shall to you prefer, You know the saw, the more the merrier. Not far from these a crew were seated round, A cobbler who began for to expound, A cobbler Preaching. He knew the length of all their feet and he Would not to humour them a Preacher be: Lord what an hurly-burly was there there, 'mongst those that came this man devout to hear, While some applauded him, some him gain said: Not far from these there by a River stayed A multitude of maids and wives who strove Who should the first the waters might approve, Anabaptiss. And be baptised anew, while some were drenched, Their hot and fiery humours well were quenched; Some adding fuel were unto the fire, And Brothers giving Sisters their desire: Not far from these, stood many richly decked In gay apparel, and with all respect Adored, whose forefathers were but clowns, Who tilled the earth, or kept sheep on the Downs: And those did come out of noble progeny Stood by them, all in rags and penury: Near these a sort of Ruffians closely set, Were quaffing healths, while wine did wine beget: They drank to Pluto, I requited them, And pledged a bowl of sulphur to the brim. In a by-place I saw some Ladies lying Upon their backs, while their baboons were trying To please their lustful Appetites, whom they On purpose highly fed, to give them play. The * Venus said to be conceived of the foam of the Sea. Cyprian Queen by Neptune's froth conceived, Homer, and Maro, Naso, have deceived The world, divulging by her instigation, Lust is conceived, alas its Derivation It hath from me, I do the bellows blow, And make men with lascivious heats to glow. I've turned the good, Jehovah did ordain, For Man and wife, to dreary care and pain. Eve, by my she persuasion I brought on To bring all Mankind to confusion. Hath any mind to circumvent his foeman? Let him but take the counsel of a woman, And she will tell him, how to bring to pass, No horrid act ere without woman was. But how is hell deluded? I had thought, Britannia's Monarch I so low had brought, That the three * Megaera, Tisiphone, and Allecto, said to entice men to evil acts. Furies had inspired so The giddy Commons, to his overthrow, That in their errors they would have gone on Disloyally, their sovereign to disthrone, And would till death, esteem it their chief glory, To be recorded traitors, upon story. But he that thunders with the powerful voice Whose breath shall melt the world, commanded * Cornet Joyce Joyce To be a loyal Subject to his King, And from a house into a camp to bring; And for the fact, that his great * The renowned Sir Thomas Fairfax. general Should be his guardian, lest that he fall By them who storm, the Fates do with them wrestle, And that their King is not in Warwick castle, Who do the * Pious Kings, such as is our sovereign L. K. Charles, are truly termed pater patriae, fathers of their country. Father of their Country hate, And viper like their appetites would sat With their own mother's blood, but I'll reward them, A race of furies I'll appoint to guard them, As they were wont on earth, and each of these Shall be the souls of famous apprentices. Is there no way (Ye powers of hell) to make Fairfax his sovereign's welfare to forsake? I'll throw ye Princes, from your diadems, Lest you invent by some new stratagem, To take him off and turn his loyal heart To seek (like some) his Country to subvert. But oh! it cannot be, he's firmly bent, Not to prove false, Not for a Parliament: He wisely guesses that the King is he That must (next God) his sole protector be; And that these clouds, when once dispelled and gone, He shall grow great, being planted near his Throne. Who looked for this but till Jehovah will, Who at his pleasure me controleth still. His Observations in Ireland. From England than I posted to the clime, Where by St. Patrick's wondrous * If we may credit Thyraeus, ●iffroenatos animos infernalium poenarum terrore emolliebat, ut sicad fidem invitos compellaret incredul●s enim de damnatorum poenis ac suppliciis dubitantibus, & visible testimonium pet●●●ibus signum, hoc sicut traditio fidel●●, multique non ignobiles Authores referunt, ostendit circulum in terra fecit, intra cujus ambitum hiatus ingens aspectu horribilis apparuit, per cujus occultos & sinuosus luctus, ejulatus, & lamentabiles voces saepe audiebantur. Guliel. Thyraus. skill divine, The rude Barbarians did inhabit there, O cursed! were taught Jehovah for to fear: Where when I came, I heard the kerns make prayer To me as unto Jupiter the Stayer, My grand Vicegerent hath his Nuncio there, Who by his rhetoric incites them on, As when their fathers followed fierce Tyrone, There is my Throne erected, and by them My brows are circled with hell's diadem: In spacious hell there are but Furies three But there in each man's breast three thousand bee. O my dear sons ye imitate me right, And as my nature is, you do delight: Because God's servants shall not howl in hell, For to torment them, while on earth they dwell, So that the sword so many lives ne'er gained, When as those Brethren, death and Scylla reigned: The seven persecutions never wrought More mischief to God's Saints than you have brought. The powers of hell are all at once engaged To aid the Irish, they by them enraged, Perform my wish so well, that all my mind Performed by those my Agents now I find. Proceed in Ills O ye incarnate devils, And fill you up your cup brim full of evils; Exceed in fury till ye come to dwell And suffer with me in the lowest hell. Nor need your necromancers use their charms, I'm prompt and ready to bring on all harms On those that do adore * The true God. almighty Jove, And him to serve as he ordains approve. O my dear sons! you still maintain the story, You will not want S. Patrick's purgatory; You have again erected that same grot, Which of late years did Cloghers Bishop blot, Which Florentianus Bishop of that See Divulged to his fond posterity, Who did believe S. Patrick made relation Of that same Cell, by divine inspiration; And by my sly deceit, I did persuade them, He there on earth a purgatory made them. Which easily upon their fancy wrought, When Virgil's * It was demolished by decree from Rome, Anno 1497. and of late years wholly taken away by Henry Jones Bishop of Clogher An. 1632. but since this Rebellion is again re-edified and augmented by the rebels: into this place doth Stephanus Forcatulus make Arthur King of the Britains to enter, where he saith: Specum longo recessu opacum Rex invisere, non est gravatus, & relicto spiritu libero in illum se demittere, in quem nullum discrimen diei & noctis perveniret, relicto in tergo luce, descensu aspero, declivi itinere, & tenebris assiduis, diffuso natura prorsus & fabula, memorando ferebatur enim ad manes pervius, specus vel certè ad locum, in quo animae eorum qui dum viverent, sesevitiis & labe aliqua eluibili iuquinaverunt: recocti, fortè Patricus, inter inanes & efferatos populos lepido commento usus fuerat, quo magis eos a peccatis deterreret, & ultricem adesse pene domi ostenderet, imbutus numisse Merlinus specum Patricii. Ulysses' forsooth was driven on the Irish coast when he wandered by sea; and Homer's fabulous relation taken for a true story, he intending only an allegory: Vlyssi in decantatiae illis erroribus in Hybernia acto adscripserit, effossum quidem primùm, Ulyssis ense ad cubtti mensuram, deinde circulum altissimè impressum successu temporis increvisse, quod dicit Odiss. 11. & Steph. Forcatulus de Gal. Imper. & Phil. lib. 7. pag. 1007. Verses to their mind I brought; Who fancieth a place beneath the ground, Where purging Torments for men's souls were found. " Where worn with anguish, there the soul doth smart, " And for its crimes, when living, hath desert: " Some are hanged in the air, in water some " Are washed, or purged in fire, and have their doom. " Each man, as was his fault, &c. Go forward still: (but ah) I greatly dread, The State of England will your race impede; And force, perforce, God's worship you among, Which (to my joy unspeakable) you long Have wanted, and in spite of Hell I fear, Both Rome, and I in vain have toiled here. But in the mean time I adjure you all, Like a disease that●s epidemical, O'errun Hibernia, and ere your fate Constrain you stoop, sell yourselves at dear rate: The Fiends of Hell on my part shall not fail, Conglomerating, with you, to assail My Enemies, and yours; let this you cheer That I to your assistance will appear, And if Jehovah crush me not, will I A means to gain your glorious victory. His arrival in Scotland. From this same * Ireland is said to have no snake, toad, or any other venomous creature in it. venom-wanting kingdom, I Came into Scotland where the mountains high Do kiss the clouds, and valleys are as low, Where trees are wanting, only shrubs do grow; Where nature scants her bounty, nor doth deign Sometime to yield the husbandman his pain: Here (O my soul) my looked for hopes were crossed, * The French Agent. Montrevill, and myself our hopes have lost: I hoped once for to have kindled war twixt them and England, and dispatched * l Aecto. her That moved fierce Turnus, though unto his bane, With Venus' * Aeneas. son fierce wars for to darraine. But he whose power dinged me down to Hell, With my confederates that durst rebel, And sent the Spirit, that in gleams of fire, Shaped like tongues, did once the twelve inspire, Who soon made void the hags infernal skill, And held them steadfast; howl ye Furies, fill All Hell with clamour; quickly was I gone From those great Enemies unto my throne, His Observations in Wales. And into Wales I came, where those do live That from the Trojan Brute their race derive, Who are a people of themselves, whose tongue Differs from all on earth, who once were strong, And did to follow baneful Mars delight, And sometime ward on England, and whose might Was far renowned when Prince Lewline reigned; But now such Power I over them have gained, They're grown effeminate, corruptly live, And do more heed to Merlin's sayings give, Then to the Scriptures, that so much I hate, I also by my agents instigate Them so to wrath, that in their fury they Care not their Fathers with the sword to slay: And do so still, let nought your ire deter, Imitate me, always a murderer. And may you still in blood, and death delight, Carve up the bodies whom you owe least spite: And when to hell you shall be tumbled down, I'll give to each of you a flaming crown. I ne'er had mirth in all my progress, till In a thatched cottage stood beside a hill, I heard a shepherd courting of his lass It was so pretty, I'll not let it pass. A Dialogue between Diggon and Madge. Madge my dear and bonny Frillock, Sit we down beside this hillock, All my Cuds, my best Belwether Who doth lure my flock together, I would all bestow on thee, So thou wouldst but smirk on me; Thy lowering scowling makes me dumpish, For to see my Love so frumpish. Madge. Diggon thou talk'st like a Lorrell, Showing that thy wit is borrell, There is Claius that can talk Like a man made out of chalk, And singing Ditties joy my soul, As when I hear my father's owl, Who in an earthen cage doth sing Sweetly when the trees do spring, He upon his horn can play, While I talk a Roundelay, And in rhymes a full yard long, He can make a merry song: But thou in these things art a * A fool Fon, Nor can I smirk on thee Diggon. Diggon. (Out alas) my dearest honey, I can't but love, thou'rt so bonny: Thy snarly hair, thy cheeks as red, As paint that they on signs do spread: High coloured, as the new burnt brick, Thy slender waste just two yards thick: Thy knotty fingers, large sized hand, Thy dried thighs, the which do stand Asunder, like two blasted oaks, Or like to near adjoining Rocks; With thy splay-foot and horned toes, Do fire my heart, when as thou goes Tripping through the dirt and mire. Madge. To hear my beauty's praise doth tire: My tender hearts now I'll be gone, Yonder stands a tree Diggon. Diggon. A penny rope anon I'll buy, And hang myself before I die. And yet you further joy to me procure, In that you care not for good literature, But are a people rude; and void of that Which your renowned Bardus pointed at, Without the knowledge of Jehovah's Word, How many thousands doth your Land afford, All which doth show you faithful servants be, And even while on earth, converse with me. The author's Conclusion. Thus wrote the Prince of darkness: yet I see, As it hath often happened unto me, He lost his labour, and did never bear His scroll to hell, for to peruse it there, But left it on the earth; perhaps some hand From heaven snatched it by divine command: Allotting me the same abroad to show, As I have sent it (Readers) to your view. To the common Readers. For you, you may your minds evacuate, And talk your fills, I not regard your prate. To the knowing Readers, or the muse's darlings. For you, if you for mercy find no room, I pray that mildly you'll pronounce my doom. FINIS.