THE GREAT ASSIZES Holden in PARNASSUS BY APOLLO AND HIS ASSESSORS: At which Sessions are Arraigned 

Mercurius Britanicus.  
Mercurius Aulicus.  
Mercurius Civicus.  
The Scout.  
The writer of diurnals.  
The Intelligencer.  
The writer of Occurrences.  
The writer of Passages.  
The Post.  
The Spy.  
The writer of weekly Accounts.  
The Scottish Dove, etc.    
LONDON, Printed by Richard Cotes, for Edward Husbands, and are to be sold at his Shop in the Middle Temple, 1645.   

APOLLO.  

The Lord VERULAN, Chancellor of Parnassus.  
Sir PHILIP SIDNEY, High Constable of Par.  
WILLIAM BUDEUS, High Treasurer.  
JOHN PICUS, Earl of Mirandula, High Chamberlain.  
JULIUS CESAR SCALIGER  
ERASMUS ROTERODAM.  
JUSTUS LIPSIUS  
JOHN BARCKLAY  
JOHN BODIN  
ADRIAN TURNEBUS  
ISAAC CASAUBON  
JOHN SELDEN  
HUGO GROTIUS  
DANIEL HEINSIUS  
CONRADUS VOSSIUS  
AUGUSTINE MASCARDUS   

The Jurours.  
George Whither  
Thomas Cary  
Thomas May  
William Davenant  
Josuah Sylvester  
George's Sands  
Michael Drayton  
Francis Beaumond  
John Fletcher  
Thomas Haywood  
William Shakespeere  
Philip Massinger.   

The Malefactors.  
Mercurius Britanicus  
Mercurias Aulicus  
Mercurius Civicus  
The Scout  
The writer of Diurnals  
The Intelligencer  
The writer of Occurrences  
The writer of Passages  
The Post  
The Spy  
The writer of weekly Accounts  
The Scottish Dove, etc.  
JOSEPH SCALIGER, the Censor of manners in Parnassus.  
BEN. JOHNSON, Keeper of the Trophonian Den.  
JOHN TAILOR, Crier of the Court.  
EDMUND SPENCER, Clerk of the Assizes.    

The PROEM.  
IUst tears of commixed with streams of guiltless blood  
May show our woes, but not their period;  
For this Heaven only can affix: Why then,  
Trust we to arms or stratagems of men?  
Expecting peace, or any fair accord,  
From Counsels wise, or the victorious Sword;  
Since Heaven alone these evils can conclude,  
Which Sin first caused and on us did obtrude.  
Can we eject this cause, we might find Peace:  
For causes failing, than effects surcease.  
We need demand no counsel from the Stars,  
To know the issue of these bloody Wars:  
No Sibylles books or Oracles we need,  
To be informed of things that shall succeed:  
No Oracle of Delphos, but of Zion,  
No book, but that of God, must we rely on.  
No Star, but jacob's Star, can do the feat,  
To end our woes, and make our joys complete.  
Can I th' harmmious sorrow's parallel  
Of the incested mournful Philomela:  
Or could I imitate that fatal note,  
Which is effused from the silver throat  
Of that fair Bird, y'cleapt Apollo's Priest,  
Who clad in feathered Albe, with his soft breast  
Divides the surface of the crystal stream,  
And dying sings his own sad requiem;  
Then might I such sad Elegies devise,  
As would become our mournful tragedies.  
But give me leave a space for to dismiss  
Melpomene, and bloody Nemesis,  
And to elect a style which may appear  
More mild to many, though to some severe.   


Learned Scaliger, the second of the twain,  
Second to none in Arts, did late complain  
To wise Apollo, of some strange abuses,  
Committed against him and the Nine Muses  
For Scaliger had been Grave Censor long,  
In Learning's Commonwealth, and lived among  
The people of Parnassus, in such fame,  
That all the world took notice of his name:   

Himself he humbly to his Lord addressed,  
And in the these terms, his inward thoughts expressed.  
(Dread Prince) to whose benevolous aspect  
We own our Arts, and Hearts, with all respect  
Which may be due unto a Sovereign Lord,  
Who rules by Love, and Law, not by the Sword,  
I, whom your Majesty deigned to create  
Censor of manners, in the Learned State,  
Obliged by the duty of my place,  
Humbly presume to importune your Grace,  
Unto my votes to add your royal will,  
For a redress of some abuses ill.  
Needs must we those advantages confess,  
Which we reap from the literary Press,  
A privilege which our forefathers wanted,  
Although to us Heaven it benignly granted:  
This engine of the Muses doth disperse  
Arts best achievements, both in Prose and Verse:  
It vents with ease, labours of learned brains,  
And doth the hand quit from a world of pains:  
Those Wonders, of which elder ages boast,  
Had almost all forgotten been, and lost,  
If this Eighth Wonder had not been contrived,  
Whereby the other seven have been revived.  
Your Grace well knows (I need not to relate)  
How Typographie doth concern your state,  
Which some pernicious heads have so abused,  
That many with it never had been used:  
This instrument of Art, is now possessed  
By some, who have in Art no interest  
For it is now employed by Paper-wasters,  
By mercenary souls, and Poetasters,  
Who weekly utter, slanders, libels, lies,  
Under the name of specious novelties:  
Thus Captain Rashingham's undone, and lost,  
For these his trade and custom have engrossed:  
And He, (for to maintain an honest port)  
Is forced t'accept an office in your Court;  
He in your Grace's kitchen plucks the Widgeons,  
Geese, Dotterels, and Ducks, and all tame Pigeons,  
And for his labour he their plums retains,  
Wages, that suit his person, and his pains;  
But let not your High Majesty mistake,  
And think that my complaint is for his sake:  
If this abuse touched only such as he,  
It were no grievance, but a remedy:  
For Truth, and Moral Virtues injured are;  
The Muses, and the Graces bear a share,  
In these notorious wrongs, with all that love  
Parnassus, or the Heliconian Grove:  
Therefore (Great Prince) vouchsafe for to apply  
Your Sovereign power, and authority,  
To vindicate your subjects, and to curb  
These Varlets, that your government disturb.  
Thus spoke the Censor, than Apollo shook  
His harnished locks, and with a frowning look,  
Declared his discontent; but having paused,  
He thus replied: Grave Censor I'm amazed,  
To hear the impudent affronts of these  
That thus contemn our Laws, and our decrees,  
But (by this golden Sceptre) they shall try  
What 'tis to trespass on our lenity:  
If our remissness hath made them transgress,  
They shall perceive that we can make it less,  
In their sharp punishment. Thus Phoebus ends,  
And then He for Torquato Tasso sends;  
Under whose charge some Companies were listed  
Of that stout Gend'army, which consisted  
Of Heroic Poets, whose high valour was,  
No mean defence, but a magnific grace  
Unto the Sacred Hill: this Regiment,  
On summons short, was ever ready bend  
To execute Apollo's just commands,  
With hearts courageous, and with armed hands.  
Stout Tasso did in sturdy buff appear,  
And after reverence done, desired to hear  
His Grace's pleasure; who soon gave him orders,  
With all his Cavalry, to scour the borders  
Of high Parnassus, and low Helicon,  
And to bring in alive, or dead, each one  
That had discovered been, or to defile  
The Press with Pamphlets scarrilous, and vile,  
Or to have traduced with malignant spirits,  
Persons of honourable worth, and merits.  
Tasso departs with these instructions,  
And mustered up his witty Myrmidons:  
The trumpet to the stirrup gives a call:  
They bustle to their arms, and mounted all,  
Haste to their Rendezvous without delay,  
And put in rank, and file, they march away:  
For Tasso no advantage did decline,  
To prosecute the better his design;  
He into squadrons three his Troops dissects,  
And unto several quarters them directs,  
That traversing the country round about,  
They might the sooner find these foxes out;  
In each suspicious angle Tasso seeks,  
And in this inquisition spent some weeks:  
Nor did his other parties with neglect  
Perform what they enjoined were to effect;  
The limits of Parnassus they surround,  
And Helicon, with verdant Laurels crowned:  
Mount Pindus, and those valleys ever green  
Where pale Pyrene, and pure Hippecrene  
In liquid crystal rise, they searched throughout;  
Nor was the Vale of Tempe left unsought:  
Nor did their labours miss success desired:  
For they, before a month was full expired,  
Had cleared the coasts, and many prisoners gained;  
Which malefactors they in chains detained,  
And them conveyed unto Apollo's Court,  
Who welcomed Tasso in most gracious sort:  
And for his faithful service, him he made  
Lieutenant General of that proud Brigade  
Of the Italian Poets: This reward  
Made elder Dame, and Petrarch to regard  
His dignity with ill affected eyes:  
And Ariosto discontent likewise:  
But Phoebus did brave Tasso's merit weigh  
By reason, but in scales of passion they;  
And when he did perceive that they did fret,  
To see themselves behind their Junior set,  
He them assured they must expect t'inherit  
Parnassus honours not by time, but merit.  
But when Apollo with his radiant look  
The Prisoners had into amazement strooke,  
He caused those guilty souls to be conveyed  
To the Trophonian den, there to be laid  
In Irons cold, until they should be brought  
To trial for those mischiefs they had wrought.  
Apollo then a solemn summons sent  
To all those honoured Peers that did frequent  
The Learned Hill, and strictly them enjoined,  
Him to attend, upon a day assigned:  
For in a full Assize he did intent  
The crimes of these delinquents to perpend:  
His loyal Nobles failed not, to resort  
(Without delay) unto their Sovereign's Court,  
And on the day, which was for judgement set,  
They all in the Praetorian hall were met:  
Where Phoebus, on his high tribunal sat,  
With his Assessors, in triumphant state;  
Sage Verulam sublimed for science great,  
As Chancellor, next him had the first seat:  
And next to him, Budeus did appear,  
He of Parnassus was High Treasurer:  
Sidney took place upon the other side,  
Who th' office of High Constable supplied:  
But Picus of Mirandula, (who was  
High Chamberlain) assumed the fourth place;  
The elder Scaliger his place then taken  
Before Erasmus, who showed in his look  
Distaste, for he (like Pompey) took displeasure  
To see himself put downer by Julius Cesar.  
In cuerpo than did Justus Lipsius sit,  
Who more devotion had expressed then wit,  
When to an Image he bequeathed his gown;  
But had he not been for a Turnecoate known,  
His offered garment might have found esteem,  
Which fit for a Frippery did seem,  
Then for her use, to whom it was presented.  
Next him sat Barclay, somewhat discontented,  
'Cause he had failed in finding that respect,  
Which he from Rome's Archflamen did expect.  
Bodine, Turnebus, Casaubon, and Grotius,  
Mascardus, Heinsius, Selden, Vossius,  
Approved Critics all, did there appear  
On the judicial Bench with looks severe.  
But when old Camden thought to take his place,  
Apollo him repulsed with some disgrace:  
For he of late received had a complaint  
From hands of credit, which did him attaint  
Of misdemeanours, acted in a story,  
That did detract from a Great Lady's glory,  
Wherein he was accused to have revealed  
Somethings, which better might have been concealed  
Had they been truths: What madness him misled,  
T asperse the ashes of that Phoenix dead,  
With notes of infamy, whose funeral flame  
Ravished the world with th'odour of her fame?  
Doubtless the living he to flatter knew,  
Much better than to give the dead her due.   

(The Court set) the sturdy Keeper then  
Of the unhospitall Trophonian Den,  
His trembling Prisoners brought unto the bar;  
For stern aspect, with Mars he might compare,  
But by his belly, and his double chin,  
He looked like the old Host of a New Inn.  
Thus when sour Ben his fettered cattles had  
Shut up together in the pinfold sad:  
John Taylour, than the Courts shrill Chanticleer,  
Did summon all the Jurours to appear:  
He had the Criers place: an office fit,  
For him that hath a better voice, then wit.  
He, who was called first in all the List,  
George Withers height, entitled Satirist;  
The Cary, May, and Davenant were called forth;  
Renowned Poets all, and men of worth,  
If wit may pass for worth. Then Sylvester,  
Sands, Drayton, Beaumond, Fletcher, Massinger,  
Shakespeare, and Heywood, Poets good and free;  
Dramatic writers all, but the first three:  
These were empanelled all, and being sworn  
A just and perfect verdict to return,  
A Malefactor than received command,  
Before the Bar to elevate his hand;  
Mercurius Britanicus by name,  
Was he, who first was called to play his game:  
Then Edmund Spenser Clerk of the Assize,  
Read the Endictment loud, which did comprise  
Matters of scandal, and contempt extreme,  
Done 'gainst the Dignity, and Diadem  
Of great Apollo, and that legal course,  
Which throughout all parnassus was in force.  
For use of Mercury he was accused,  
Which weekly he into his ink infused,  
Thereby to murder, and destroy the fame  
Of many, with strange obloquy, and shame.  
He likewise was accused, to have purloined  
Some drachmas of wit, with a felonious mind,  
From Helicon, which he in Satyrs mixed,  
To make some laugh, and others deeply vexed.  
Unto his charge they likewise did object,  
That when he saw his lines could not effect  
His ends, and aims, which were his foe to kill,  
Or else to make him torow away his quill;  
That then he sought by magic Arts to call  
Archilochus his ghost from Pluto's hall,  
To teach him how such language to indite,  
As might make some even hang themselves for spite.   

This was his charge in brief; (which being read)  
To his indictment he was called to plead:  
Not guilty, he replies, and did submit  
Himself to the integrity and wit  
Of twelve sufficient Poets, but entreated,  
To hear the Jurours names again repeated:  
(Which done) he on exceptions did insist,  
Asserted against divers of the list.  
On confident George Withers first he fixed,  
As one unfit with others to be mixed  
In his arraignment, for he did protest,  
That Withers was a cruel Satirist;  
And guilty of the same offence and crime,  
Whereof he was accused at this time:  
Therefore for him he thought it fit fare,  
To stand as a Delinquent at the bar,  
Then to be now empanelled in a Jury.  
George Withers then, with a Poetic fury,  
Began to bluster, but Apollo's frown  
Mde him forbear, and lay his choler down.  
But Phoebus, thus Britanicus corrects,  
Our Majesty (said he) which still protects  
The innocent, but doth offend ours scourge,  
Engaged is honest Withers for to purge  
From this offence: for his impartial pen  
Did rather gross abuses tax, than men:  
Or that he did transgress, let us admit;  
Since long ago, he smarted for his wit.  
Nor was Britanicus with this abashed,  
For with his cavils he sought to have dashed  
Two other able Jurours, and these were  
Deserving Sands and gentle Sylvester:  
To these opprobious language he affords,  
And them Translators called, and men of words,  
No Poets, but mere Rhymers, for (said he)  
Invention is the soul of poefie,  
And who can say, that such a soul as this,  
Is to be found in their abilities?  
For these are bondmen to another's stile,  
And when they have bestowed much time, and toil,  
They do but what, before, was better done;  
For Poems lose by their translation,  
And are deprived of that justre brave,  
Which their originals are wont to have:  
Yea all the works of these Translators vain,  
Are rather labours of the hand, than brain:  
Their asinine endeavours have effected,  
That nobler tongues and arts are now neglected;  
While they in vulgar language represent  
Those notions which from vulgar wits descent:  
This knot of Knaves the Commonwealth afflicts  
Of your Parnassus with their juggling tricks;  
For Rubies which in gold at first were set,  
They into copper put, whereby they cheat  
The simpler sort, that want a piercing eye,  
The difference of metals to descry.  
Thus spoke Britanicus: while many smiled;  
But Sands looks pale, and Sylvester waxed wild  
For anger and disdain; Apollo then  
Thus interposed, to vindicate these men,  
Britanicus (said he) we have too long  
The language heard of thy traducing tongue,  
But Syluessers, and Sands his worth is such,  
That thy reproach cannot their honour touch:  
Since Kings for Majesty, and arts renowned,  
Have with receptions kind, their labours crowned.  
Besides, we are inclined by some respects,  
Challenged from us, by the infirmer sex,  
These writers of Parnassus to support,  
To please the fancy of that female sort,  
Whom want of these translations might spur on,  
For to acquire, and get more tongues than one:  
Which if they should accomplish, men might rue  
Those mischiefs which would thereupon ensue.  
But if nor Sands, nor Sylvester can merit,  
The titles of true Poets to inherit,  
For what they have performed, yet we rely  
So much upon their truth, and loyalty,  
That we cause them to pass upon thy trial,  
If spite of thy exception or denial.  
Thus spoke Apollo: then the Prisoner was  
Enjoined to stand aside, and in his place  
Did Aulicus succeed, who by command,  
In humble sort upreared his guilty hand:  
Full sadly his indictment he attends,  
Which him impeached, that he for wicked ends  
Had the Cast alien Spring defiled with gall;  
And changed by witchcraft, most Satirical,  
The bays of Helicon, and myrtles mild,  
To pricking hauthornes, and to hollyes wild.  
He was accused, that he with slanders false,  
With forged fictions, calumnies and tales,  
Had sought the Spartan Ephori to shame,  
And added fuel to the direful flame  
Of civil discord, and domestic blows,  
By the incentives of malicious prose.  
For whereas, he should have composed his ink  
Of liquours, that make flames expire, and shrink  
Into their cinders, it was there objected,  
That he had his of burning oil confected,  
Of Naphtha, Gunpowder, Pitch, and Saltpetre,  
Which those combustions raised, and made greater.  
He was accused to have unjustly stung  
The sage Amphictyons with his venomed tongue;  
And that he like the fierce Albanian cur,  
Did stubbornly choose rather to demur,  
And be dismembered by another's wit,  
Then lose his teeth from those, whom first he bitten.  
He was accused, that he had used his skill,  
Parnassus with strange here fies to fill,  
And that he laboured had for to bring in,  
Th' exploded doctrines of the Florentine,  
And taught that to dissemble and to lie,  
Were vital parts of humane policy:  
Of his endictment this was the full sense:  
To which the Prisoner pleads his innocence,  
And puts himself upon a legal trial,  
But he withal exhibites a denial  
Against a Jurour, for his suit it was,  
That May on his arraignment might not pass:  
For though a Poet he must him confess,  
Because his writings did attest no less;  
Yet he desired he might be set aside,  
Because he durst not in his truth confide:  
Of May among twelve months he well approved,  
But May among Twelve men he never loved:  
For he believed that out of private spite  
He would his conscience strain, t'undo him quite.  
He likewise of offences him accused,  
Whereby his King Apollo was abused:  
And with malicious arguments attempts  
To prove him guilty of sublime contempts,  
But chief he endeavoured to conclude,  
That he was guilty of ingratitude:  
Which crime Parnassus Laws do so oppose,  
As in that State, it for high Treason goes.   

Then May stepped forth, and first implored the grace  
And leave of Phoebus to maintain his case:  
Then to the Learned Cunsistory sues,  
That they would him or censure, or excuse:  
Then calls the Gods, and all whom they protect,  
The Stars, and all on whom they do reflect,  
The Elements, and what's composed of these,  
Him to acquit from all disloyalties.  
If by just proofs (said he) thou canst evince,  
That I have been ungrateful to my Prince,  
Then let me from these groves be now exiled  
To Scythian snows, or into deserts wild;  
Yea, I invoke the Gods that I may feel  
The Giant's valour, or Ixion's wheel,  
If it be found I have transgressed thus,  
As 'tis informed by lying Aulicus.  
Apollo then darts forth an awful ray  
From his impiercing eye, which silenced May.  
So Kings (if they be just) may rule like Gods,  
And be observed by their looks, and nods.  
He Aulicus rebuked, because he knew  
His accusation from mere malice grew:  
And him advised in peace to stand a side,  
If he desired with favour to be tried.  
The Crier then did summon to the Bar,  
The Penman of the Weekly Calendar,  
Entitled the new Ephemerideses,  
Perfect diurnals call them, if you please;  
But their perfection cannot me invite,  
To think they merit such an Epithet,  
Except truths now for imperfections pass,  
And gold in estination yields to brass.   

Of his endictment the whole sum was this,  
That he had wronged th' Athenian Novelists,  
By selling them mere air, in stead of Sack,  
And puffes of wind, for strong Frontigniac:  
For empty bottles he was wont to mix  
Among full flasques, and with these cheating tricks  
Deceived those Merchants, who were not so wise  
To know the full from empty by the poise.  
A fourth Deliquent then was called out,  
A Second Proteus' or the learned Scout:  
This wise Chamaeleon was wont to wear  
That hue, which was propounded by his fear:  
The sum of his indictment this contained;  
That whereas he had from Apollo gained  
A Patent to report true news abroad,  
Without dissimulation, guile, or fraud,  
Yet he adulterated had his ware  
With manifold impertinences rare,  
Yea from his centre swerved, and gone astray  
Into some matters fare beyond his way:  
And that he with eight Pages undiscreet,  
Had tossed and taxed high actions in a sheet:  
That he prognostics had presumed to rear,  
On stars above his quadrant, and his sphere:  
And that he had prefumed likewise to mix  
With his Avisoes sweet, four politics,  
Dispersing weekly maxims of State,  
As if he chief at the helm had state:  
And that he had oft in ambiguous fashions,  
Appeared as one transformed in his relations,  
That it was very difficult to find,  
Whether he were a bird, or beast by kind:  
He was accused, that he with censures bold,  
The actions of his betters had controlled,  
And that he with his mercenary hand,  
Had touched affairs of weight not to be scanned  
By such as he: thus was the Scout indicted,  
But when he was unto his answer cited,  
He pleads himself to be an Innocent,  
And humbly craved the Bench for to consent  
To his impunity, and to dispense  
With errors, that arise from indigence:  
He further added; since his fate it was  
To be referred for trial of his case  
Unto twelve mouths; he craved they would admit  
Twelve noses too; him to condemn, or quit,  
That no defect might be of any sense,  
To smell, or to find out his innocence.  
Apollo then retorts an ireful glance,  
And dashed the Prisoner out of countenance:  
He told him now it was time to lay aside  
Impertinent discourse, he should be tried  
By twelve, who were sufficient Men, and fit  
Both for integrity, and pregnant wit:  
And as for him, whose Vote he did reject,  
Upon a cavil against some defect:  
He him assured that all the world might know,  
His art was high, although his nose was low:  
But Madagascar chief did express  
His raptures brave, and laur'ate worthiness.  
The Scout commanded was then to stand by:  
And Civicus held up his hand on high:  
Good civil Civicus, who to his book  
Emblems affixed, of what he undertook;  
For silly rhymes appeared in the first place,  
To which was added some Commander's face,  
That in resemblance, did no more comply,  
With him, whom it was said to signify,  
Then do some stories which his books contain,  
Resemble truths: But his offences vain,  
In his endictment were declared at large,  
And this was the full purport of his charge;  
He was accused that he through science bad,  
Or Magic, or Magnetic figures, had  
Prefixed to his books; which did enchant  
The fancies of the weak, and ignorant,  
And caused them to bestow more time, and coin,  
On such fond Pamphlets, then on books divine:  
It was affirmed, that he was wont to scatter,  
Upon his single sheet, more words, than matter,  
And that he had with transmarine narrations,  
Recruted his domestical relations,  
And from the Danes and Swedes fetched cold discourse  
To cloy the stomaches of his Auditors;  
And with such stuff his latter pages patched,  
That they Britannicus his doctrines matched,  
Who doubts, and satisfactions wont t'invent,  
That gave nor satisfaction nor content.  
While Civicus did thus his trial hear;  
One comes, and whispers, Phoebus in the ear,  
And him advertised, that a secret friend  
Of Civicus, did to his Highness send,  
A present of some Sack, and sugar loaves,  
And that there with, the Giver humbly moves,  
That the poor Prisoner might receive such grace,  
As might be justly found in such a case.  
Apollo then, in choler and disdain,  
Did thus break out in terms. What madness vain  
Or impudence (said He) in humane race  
Remains? That they should think with bribes t'efface  
Our resolutions just, and us divert  
From judgement by the law, and by desert;  
Then he the Gaoler called for (Honest Ben)  
The Keeper fat, of the Trophonian Den:  
Him he commands to seize upon (in haste)  
The bringer of the bribe, and keep him fast;  
And since the Tub of which he told the tale,  
By splitting, had deceived him of his ale;  
And since his New-inn too had got a crack,  
He bids him take the Sugar loves, and Sack,  
To make his loved Magnatick Lady glad,  
That still (for want of an applause) was sad.  
Then Civicus unto his charge did plead  
Not guilty, and was bidden to recede.  
Then with a look like to his style submiss,  
Stood forth. the Writes of Occurrences:  
He was accused to have injured Fame,  
And to have disguised falsehood by the name  
Of Truth, and with a goodly Frontispeice,  
To have procured his books esteem, and price:  
Which were compared unto a painted Inn,  
That had nor good wine, nor good cheer within.  
He was accused, that like a subtle thief,  
He had his readers robbed of their belief,  
And of their wit, and judgement them bereaved,  
That willingly, were with his lies deceived:  
But if some truths (by chance) he uttered had,  
These were in such a tedious language clad,  
That many actors of renowned jests,  
Deprived were of their honoured interests,  
By his inglorious pen, and also those  
Who did affect true elegance in prose,  
Did from his rustic phrase conceive more hate,  
Then pleasure from those things he did relate.  
It likewise was delivered in his charge,  
That he had tortured, with his letters large,  
Ingenious ears, which to plebeian hands  
He captives made, in auscultations bands.  
And that men's names, on credit he up took,  
All which he listed to fill up his book,  
And for to make a greater noise, he sums  
Both Trumpets, Seargeants, Corporals, & drums,  
Among the numbers of the slain, or taken,  
Whereby he did great Officers awaken,  
That slept in honour's bed, who did complain,  
To see themselves mixed with that vulgar train   

The Prisoners' plea to this indictment was  
Flat negative, for in the plainest case,  
All malefactors hate confession free,  
Confess and hang is still their maximé.  
The Prisoner also craved, he might be heard,  
While he against a juryman preferred  
A just exception, his request was granted,  
And fraught with malice, though much wit he wanted,  
He gentle Mr. Cary did refuse,  
Who pleased fair Ladies with his courtly muse:  
He said, that he by his luxurious pen,  
Deserved had better the Trophonian Den,  
Then many now which stood to be arraigned,  
For he the Thespian Fountain had distained,  
With soul conceits, and made their waters bright,  
Impure, like those of the Hermophrodue,  
He said, that he in verse, more lose had been,  
Then old Chaerephanes, or Aretine,  
In obscene portraitures: and that this fellow  
In Helicon had reared the first Bordello,  
That he had changed the chaste Castalian spring,  
Into a Carian Well, whose waters bring  
Effeminate desites, and thoughts unclean,  
To minds that erst were pure, and most serene,  
Thus spoke the prisoner, when a furious glance,  
Was darted from Apollo's countenance,  
Which struck him dumb: then Scaliger the wise  
Was called, to whom Apollo thus aplies  
His Speech. Grave Censor of our learned Hill  
Whom your own merit, and our royal will  
Hath supervisour made of Arts, and Muses,  
I wonder at the noise of these abuses,  
For I conceive not yet, that these effects,  
Should be th'unhappy fruits of your neglects,  
So well  purged the errors of the Times,  
That I think not you could permit such crimes,  
Our manners to corrupt, since that our springs  
Ought to be kept as pure as beds of Kings:  
For he that vice, with science doth commix,  
Turns noble Hippocren ' to ugly Styx,  
In marriage bonds both Heaven and Hell combine  
Yet Art may Heaven and earth together join:  
Thus spoke Apollo, then learned Scaliger  
Shaped the reply: I have (my Sovereign dear)  
With care intended what concerns my place,  
So to conserve your springs from mixtures base,  
Yet all my care, and labour is but vain,  
Except Jove will consent t'undo again  
His work of Humane nature, and the same  
Of such pure stuff, and perfect temper frame,  
As it of no corruption may admit:  
For I have tried my industry and wit,  
Both Arts, and Authors to refine, and mend,  
As well as times, yet can I not defend,  
But some luxuriant wit, will often vent  
Lascivious Poems, against my consent:  
Of which offence, if Carry guilty be,  
Yet may some chaster Songs him render free  
From censure sharp, and expiate those crimes  
Which are not fully his, but rather Times:  
But let your Grace vouchsafe, that he may try  
How he can make his own Apology:  
Apollo then gave Cary leave to speak,  
Who thus in modest sort, did silence break.   

In wisdom's nonage, and unriper years,  
Some lines slipped from my pen, which since with tears  
I laboured to expunge: This Song of mine  
Was not infused by the Virgins nine,  
Nor through my dreams divine upon this Hill,  
Did this vain Rapture issue from my quill,  
No Thespian waters, but a Paphian fire,  
Did me with this foul ecstasy inspire:  
I oft have wished, that I (like Saturn) might  
This Infant of my folly smother quite,  
Or that I could retract, what I had done,  
Into the bosom of Oblivion.  
Thus Cary did conclude: for pressed by grief,  
He was compelled to be concise, and brief:  
Phoebus at his contrition did relent,  
And Edicts so on through all Parnassus sent,  
That none should dare to attribute the shame  
Of that fond rapture, unto Caries name,  
But Ordered that the infamy should light  
On those, who did the same read, or recite.  
He further-more the Prisoner did enjoin,  
Against him all exceptions to decline,  
And to a legal trial for to stand,  
If He expected favour at his hand.   

The innocent Scotch Dove did then advance,  
Full sober in his wit, and countenance,  
And though his books contained not much sense,  
Yet his endictment showed no great offence;  
Great Wits, to perils great themselves expose  
Oft times; but the Scotch Dove was none of those:  
In many words he little matter dressed,  
And did Laconic brevity detest,  
Perspicuous phrase he loved, could not endure  
To be in stile, or in his life obscure,  
But while his Readers did expect some news,  
They found a Sermon, thus did he abuse  
Good people, that he rather might have took  
A Lapwing, than a Dove to trim a book:   

This was his charge: and being called to plead,  
He cries not guilty, and petitioned  
He might be heard to vindicate his worth  
From scandal, and reproach, on him cast forth  
By Aulicus, that scoffing Hipponax,  
Who with lewd crimes, did him unjustly tax;  
His suit was granted, then did he complain  
That Aulicus, his title did disdain,  
And spitefully in stead of Scottish Pigeon,  
Had him the nickname given of Scottish Widgeon,  
And that he had most falsely him accused,  
Prestigious Arts, and Magic to have used,  
Whereby men's senses were with errors struck,  
That firebrands, they for olive branches took.   

Thus spoke the Dove: Apollo then replied,  
We might condemn your arrogance, and pride,  
'Cause you the name of venus' birds have chose,  
When Scotland hath (you know) no birds like those,  
Though it abounds with fowl of various kinds;  
But errors small provoke not heavenly minds,  
I doubt not, but that Aulicus his tongue  
Hath injured you, but were this all the wrong  
Which it hath done, He might our censure scape,  
And pass, not for a Serpent, but an Ape.  
thus Phoebus spoke; And then the Scoitish Dove  
Rejoined, as zeal and choler did him move;   

I challenge to the duel of the pen  
False Aulicus, that Cynic among men,  
That enemy of Truth, true honours scourge,  
That Officine of lies, and slanders forge,  
Oh let your Grace vouchsafe to turn me lose,  
A Scottish Dove, against the Romish Goose.  
Apollo then reflects a frowning eye,  
Commands him to desist, and to stand by.   

The Crier then did the swift Post command,  
At his indictment to hold up his hand:  
He was accused of these enormities,  
First that with Encheridions of lies,  
He had disturbed the learned Commonweal,  
And also in felonious sort did steal  
From Euphues, and Arcadia, language gay  
Therein his vain relations to array,  
Because he knew that lies in fine attires,  
Preferred are before truths, by many buyers:  
Such was his style, such tales did he indite,  
That he no news, but Romants seemed to write;  
It also strongly was against him urged,  
That he some Packets had contrived, and forged,  
Which letters did of false reports contain,  
And this was merely done for thirst of gain:  
This was his charge; and because he divined  
That free confession might some favour find,  
He guilty pleads, and then was set aside.  
Another than was called forth to be tried:  
And this was he, who weekly did dispense  
A miscellany of intelligence:  
Of his endictment, the effect was this,  
That he had with his weekly repsodyes,  
The Asses of Parnassus sore annoed,  
Whom he had fed with many rumours void,  
And vapours vain. Thus like Chameleons they  
Took smoke in stead of provender and hay,  
And thereby grew in sense so lean, and lame:  
That quite unfit for service they became;  
It was alleged, that he for lucre's sake,  
Did false intelligence devise, and make,  
And cared not who he guled, or did beguile,  
So he might reap thereby some profit vile.   

These were the crimes, whereof he was accused  
To which he pleads not guilty, but refused  
By Histriomicke Poets to be tried,  
'Gainst whom, he thus maliciously enveigh'd   

Justice (said he) and no sinister fury,  
Dissuades me from a trial by a jury,  
That of worse misdemeanours guilty be,  
Then those which are objected against me:  
These mercenary penmen of the Stage,  
That foster the grand vises of this age,  
Should in this Commonwealth no office bear,  
But rather stand with us Delinquents here:  
Shakespear's a Mimic, Massinger a Sot,  
Heywood for Aganippe takes a plot:  
Beaumont and Fletcher make one poet, they  
Single, dare not adventure on a Play.  
These things are all but th'error of the Muses,  
Abortive wits, foul fountains of abuses:  
Reptiles, which are equivocally bred,  
Under some hedge, not in that genial bed  
Where lovely art with a brave wit conjoined,  
Engenders Poets of the noblest kind.  
Plato refused such creatures to admit  
Into his Commonwealth, and is it fit  
Parnassus should the exiles entertain  
Of Plato? therefore (my dread Sovereign)  
I crave your Pardon, while I thus presume  
To supplicate your Highness, to resume  
Your wont Justice, that this sacred Hill,  
No more may suffer by such members ill;  
Thus spoke the Prisoner: then among the crowd,  
Plautus, and Terence began to mutter loud,  
And old Menander was but ill apaid,  
While Aristophanes his wrath bewrayed,  
With words approbr'ous; for it galled him shrewdly,  
To see dramatic Poets taxed so lewdly:  
And while 'mongst these, the murmur did increase,  
The Crier warned them all to hold their peace.   

The Court was silent, the Apollo spoke:  
If thou (said He) chief for virtue's sake,  
Or true affection to the Commonweal,  
Didst our Dramatic Poets thus appeal,  
We should to thy exception give consent,  
But since we are assured, 'tis thy intent,  
By this refusal, only to defer  
That censure, which our justice must confer  
Upon thy merits; we must needs decline  
From approbation of these pleas of thine,  
And are resolved that at this time, and place,  
They shall as Jurours, on thy trial pass,  
But if our Censor, shall hereafter find,  
They have deserved ill, we have designed  
That they likewise shall be to judgement brought,  
To suffer for those crimes, which they have wrought,  
Thus spoke the Sovereign of the two topped Mount,  
Another than was called to an account,  
And this was he, who weekly did pretend,  
Accounts of certain news abroad to send.  
He was accused, that he with Pamphlets vain,  
The art of lying had sought to maintain,  
Which trade, he and his fellow used of late,  
With such success, and profit in the State  
Of high Parnassus, that they did conspite,  
A Patent from Apollo to acquire:  
That they might thus incorporated be,  
Into a Company of Liars free.  
This was his charge: while he no whit relents,  
But stood to justify his innocence.  
The Pen man of the Perfect Passages  
Then to his trial did himself address,  
He was accused, that he for love of gain,  
Had injured Truth, with many stories vain,  
And that He with his mercenary quill,  
Dishonoured had Apollo's Noble Hill.  
That He, and his associates had attempted  
In a felonious manner, to have emptied  
The Fountains of the Muses, to fulfil  
That appetite which risen from Livers ill.   

To this indictment he gave a denial,  
And yields himself submissively to his trial.  
The subtle Spy then to the bar drew ne'er,  
And with dejected looks, his hand did rear:  
But he in his indictment was accused,  
Old Galilaeos' glasses to have used,  
Which represented objects to his eye,  
Beyond their measure, and just symmetry,  
Whereby the faults of many did appear,  
More and fare greater, than indeed they were:  
And that he at a distance did recount,  
(Like Lynceus from the Lilybean mount)  
Numbers of ships and men, though he indeed  
So blind was, that he did a leader need.  
He was accused that (like Aglaures) he  
Forbidden objects had presumed to see,  
And therefore merited in law, and sense,  
His ears to forfeit, for his eyes offence.   

Thus his Indictment ran: It he denies,  
And for a trial, on twelve men relies;  
But this despiteful Spy a cavil raised  
'Gainst Michael Drayton, whom he much dispraised  
For that great Polyolbion which he writ,  
This he termed a rude Embryo of wit,  
Apeice of low esteem, together laid  
Without propicious Pallas, or the aid  
Of the nine Muses, who did much disdain  
The homely features of his Naiad's vain.   

Thus spoke the Spy, and still would have proceeded  
If that Apollo had not him impeded.  
I think through th'insolence of these (said he)  
And our remissness: we this Bar shall see  
Become a stage of the Old Comedy,  
How boldly hath this proud traduceing Spy,  
And his Comrades, our honest Poets checked,  
Who from the best have ever found respect:  
Nor can smooth Drayton scape their censures sharp  
But at his works this busy Spy must carp:  
Drayton, whose Sonnets sweet of Love heroic  
May melt th' Essaean, or the rigid Stoic  
To amorous Leander's, and them move  
Through Seas of tears, to swim to her they love.  
This Swan of ours, that impure Zoylus blots  
With scandals foul: But as the Ermines spots  
Add price and estimation to his Fur,  
So the reproofs of this invective cur  
Give light, and lustre unto Draytons' worth,  
And with advantage set his merit forth:  
Drayton, who doth, in such magnific sort  
Delineate Valour in his Agincourte,  
That this illustr'ous poëme, doth inspire  
Even courages of ice, with warlike fire.  
His Tragic Legends are with source endued,  
To soften Scythyans, and Tartar's rude,  
Yea with pathetic Fancies to enchant  
Obdurate minds: and hearts of Adamant,  
His virtue's so sublime, that even as soon,  
The Savage Negro's darts may pierce the Moon,  
As the invectives of this froward Spy,  
A drachma of worth, take from his merit high.  
Thus spoke Apollo: while old Drayton smiled  
To see him curbed that had him thus reviled.   

Now when the Jurours had distinctly heard  
Each Bill, that was against these men preferred,  
They then commanded were for to recede,  
Until they on their Verdicts had agreed,  
So positive the testmonies were;  
The evidence s'authentique, and so clear,  
That they required no man of law's advice,  
For to decide some points, or matters nice,  
After some time in consultation spent,  
Their verdicts to the Court they did present,  
George Withers for their Foreman they had chose,  
Who confident was, both in verse and prose;  
He did not like a Custard, quake and quiver,  
When he his verdict came for to deliver:  
And first, of him it was enquired, whether  
They in their verdict had agreed together:  
He answered yes: and then he was commanded  
The prisoner to behold: then thy demanded  
If that Britannicus to them appeared  
Or fit to be condemned, or to be cleared:  
The Foreman guilty cries, than they inquire,  
What he can for himself speak, or desire,  
Whereby he might evade that sentence just,  
Which instantly proceed against him must.  
He craved his book, but that was him denied;  
It was his book (they said) which him destroyed.  
Nor was this Prisoner only guilty found,  
For all his consorts heard the selfsame sound.  
Apollo then after a conflict high,  
Between his justice, and his clemency,  
Not without ebullition of some tears,  
Thus sentence gave upon the Prisoners.  
Britanicus condemned was to be led,  
To that place where the Porcupines were fed,  
Where to a post fast bound, he must remain,  
Till with their quills, they had him shot and slain.   

But Aulicus, pollo did condemn,  
To be transported to the fatal Den  
Which kept those Vipers, from all parts collected,  
Of which Parnassus Treacle was confected.   

For when Apollo did long since descry,  
That Fortune, and the World did much envy  
The learned crew, and them to Limbo sent,  
Oft through the poison of deep discontent  
He through his skill in physic did devise  
This Antidote against all maladies;  
And for this end he did those vipers cherish,  
Among which now, poor Aulicus must perish:   

But the sly Scout, a gentler censure found,  
(Apollo with such mildness did abound)  
For he was destined to this punishment;  
He to the Vale of Hybla must be sent,  
There to protect the hives of Thrifty Bees,  
From the Invasions and the Larcenies,  
Of Wasps and Hornets; butt ' was ordered too  
That he stark naked, must this service do,  
And he these Robbers only must assail,  
With the long feather of a Capon's tail,  
The wise Intelligencer than did hear   

His sentence, which seemed somewhat too severe  
For he condemned was to a Scullions place,  
Within the Kitchen of Apollo's grace;  
Where he was forced his papers to expend,  
Pigs, Pies, and Geese, from burning to defend.   

But Civicus was sentenced to be gone,  
Both from Parnassus and from Helicon,  
And to the Fens of Lerna was confined  
Where a poor cottage was to him assigned;  
There he a sorry livelihood must make,  
By angling Frogs out of a stinking Lake.  
The writer also of diurnals was  
Condemned to a fare remoter place,  
For he was banished to an uncouth land,  
Where only Apes inhabit and command:  
And there he was enjoined to instruct these,  
In Music, and in divers languages;  
Yet had he no more languages than tongues,  
No other music than the Cuckoos songs.  
But he who did the Occurrences compile,  
Was nor confined, nor forced to change his soil,  
But by Apollo's merey sentenced was,  
To serve with paper all the Cloaca's,  
That did unto Parnassus appertain,  
And if hereafter any should complain,  
He wanted this for necessary use,  
Then without bail and maineprise, or excuse,  
He must be carr'd to that prison sad,  
Bocardo called, whence no releasments had.   

The writer of the True Accounts than hears  
His grievous censure, with unwilling ears:  
He was condemned unto the Stygian Galley,  
Where he was forced upon a wooden talley  
To keep a true account of all those Ghosts  
That daily ferried to the further Coasts:  
And of his hire, each night receive he must  
Three fillips on the nose, with a brown crust,  
Of mouldy bread: and he for seven year's space  
Was judged to be a bondslave in that place.  
The Post received (as it to some may seem)   

A sentence to way rigid, or extreme,  
For he was not exiled, nor forced to change  
His calling, for a place of baseness strange:  
Nor was the gallant offspring of his wit,  
Condemned to the Oven, or to the Spit.  
It was decreed he should be still permitted  
For to ride post, but must be ever fitted  
With stumbling Jades of such decrepit age,  
That they would tyre, in riding half a stage.   

Apollo then, this judgement did express,  
'Gainst th' Author of the Perfect Passages;  
He was confined unto a gloomy Gave:  
Which nor to Sun, nor Moon admission gave  
Here by the glow-worms blaze, and glimmering light  
Of rotten wood, he was enjoined to write  
The Leaguers, Fights, Advances, and Retreats,  
Assaults, surprisals, and all martial feats,  
Which in that long, and bloody war were showed  
Wherein sly Weasills, noisome Rats subdued  
The Spy than hears his censure, which contains  
A lesser weight of infamy, than pains.   

For whereas Phoebus had received of late  
Petitions meek, from the Pigmean State,  
Which showed how the stern Cranes with ireful teen  
Oppressed had these Epitomes of men,  
And with their stratagems, and warlike sleights  
Reduced that Nation to deplored straits:  
For they, armed with black bills, in combat fierce,  
Had foiled those foot and halfe-foote Cavaliers:  
And with their watchful Camisades likewise  
Did them by night so frequently surprise,  
That they were forced to crave Apoolos' aid,  
Approaching death, and ruin to evade,  
Who pities their estate, and to comply  
With their desires, appoints the cunning Spy  
To post away to the Pigmaean Land,  
To be assistant with his helping hand;  
And to discover with his piercing eyes,  
The Cranes deep plots, and hidden subtleties:  
Apollo likewise did enjoin the Spy,  
To visit Caucasus as he passed by,  
Cloud-topping Caucosus, where Eagles strong  
Their airyes have, the horrid Cliffs among:  
With these fierce Birds, him he commands to treat,  
About the levyes of some Forces great;  
Against th' insulting Cranes to be employed,  
Which the Pigmaeans poor had so annoyed.   

In lieu of other punishment, the Spy  
Was bound to undertake this Embassye:  
And did applaud Apollo's mercy strange,  
That did his censure to an honour change.   

The Scottish Dove then heard this sentence fair:  
He to his native country must repair,  
And was on pain of death prohibited,  
To cross the Seas, or to repass the the tweed,  
But while his guilty fellows did envye  
His easy Mulct, and gentle penalty;  
He cried his sentence was severe, and hard,  
And might with most of theirs, be well compared,  
For if they knew the Horn as well as he,  
They'd rather die, than there imprisoned be.   

When judgement was on all the Prisoners past,  
Apollo to dissolve the Court did haste;  
But Aulicus in most submissive wise,  
For Mitigation of his censure cries:  
So did Britanicus. Phoebus relents,  
And takes the edge off from their punishments,  
They were reprieved. Then all the Court commended  
Apollo's mercy: Thus th' Assizes ended.    

Printed and Published according to Order.  
FINIS.