A witty ANSWER, And VINDICATION To a foolish Pamphlet, entitled New Orders New, Agreed upon by a PARLIAMENT of Roundheads. Or, Old Orders Old, newly vampt By a Parliament of Rattle-heads.  
Confirmed by the Brethren of the malignant Party Now assembled at Rattle heads Court, a way-bit from YORK.  
With the ignorant rashness of Mr Short-breath, a damnified Companion, Mr Speaker of the House.  
Avowed by Nicholas Periwig, alias No ears, Cler. Parl. Ratle.  
LONDON, Printed for Nat: Morton.   

A witty Answer, and Vindication to a foolish Pamphlet, entitled New Orders, New, agreed upon by a Parliament of Roundheads.  
ALthough our zeal, sincerity, and pious devotion to the public Good, and universal Accommodation of this Kingdom, especially the security of the City of London, affords us little leisure to spend our times so vainly in answering a scandalous Pamphlet, entitled, New Orders agreed upon by a Parliament of Roundheads, yet the malignant party (whom we justly conceive composed it) taking all occasions to multiply calumnies upon our zealous integrity, we cannot be so much wanting to our innocency, as not to clear ourselves from those false aspersions.  
If the inconsiderate Penner of this Libel had discreetly considered with himself, That if in the spacious Theatre of the Universe the singular conditions of singular persons are articulated in some express place, his Pamphlet might have worthily became a Tragedy, wherein he may plainly see his own ignorance acted. Wherefore the Rattle-heads (to whose Periwigs their French-infected hair and ears infinitely stands engaged) have according to their own giddy imaginations assembled at a convenient place, named Rattle heads Court, a way-bit from York, conducible to their resolutions. Hither doth the Council of the malignant party gang usually, and do style themselves the Resolute Senate of the Times.  
As for the appellation of fools, which they reflect upon us, it is a word so obvious and frequent amongst them, that we will not wrong them so much as to deprive them of their own Titles, which are the chiefest they have in their Court.  
The end, for which they do gang to this Court is this, Their ungodly and irreligious Actions being contradicted, and condemned by the true Protestants, whom they call Puritans; they have now thought it expedient to call a Council of their own tribe to maintain those wicked actions. They sat in form of a Parliament (may there no exceptions be taken at the word, nor any derogative from the reverend and honourable name of our happy blessed Parliament, but only a reflection to their word) where Mr. Short-breath was Speaker in the house, whose lungs being as weak as his brain, did prate with as much judgement to his Court, as a Billingsgate Oisterwife doth sometime to her Welsh Auditory, with as much confidence as if all the castles in the air were built in his brain, with as much celerity of speech, as if he were resolved that his temerarious-intended words should be performed at the Greek Calends: and lastly, with as much rancitude and loudness of voice, as if he had ejaculated, and blown his words forth with a Sowgelder's horn. The Clerk of the house was Periwig alias No-eares, for what abounded in his specious hair, and obstreperous words, was wanting in his ears, and knowledge. Thus being convened in Rattle-heads Court in this manner all in order (for they say every order is a regular Law, and where no order is, there is incivility, Ergo it is as much Law for them to be ruled by order, as it is order for the Law to be ruled by them) they began to declare their several opinions, each man strangely contending to see whether his rashness or folly did exceed.  

Orders made by the Parliament of Rattle-heads, assembled at Rattle-heads Court a way-bit from YORK.  
SInce the malignant party assembled at Rattle-heads Court, have apparently understood the hopeful reformation of the Church, the truth of the people, and the sincerity of some piously affected, and that they being sensible of the unfeigned devotion of some Protestants (whom they call Puritan) and what promising piety that devotion may produce, if not by them prevented: It's therefore ordered by the Rattle-heads,  
1. Since a Supremacy, higher and superior Powers be the Ordinances of God, and that there needeth no parity, or equality of persons, be it therefore ordered that we be all Kings.  
2. That we have all Bishops because they will advance Popish superstition, and that we ordain the Star-chamber and High-commission Court for them, where they may tyrannise once more.  
3. That we have Churches, though we never go to them, and those Popishly adored too, that the world may think we are very holy, though (God knows) we hate it above all things in the world.  
4. That we have Bells, Organs and Babilonish Timpans, that we may laugh, sport, talk, and be merry in the Church upon any occasion, while they delude the ears of others.  
5. That we have Crosses, for they seem not only Popish, but likewise are not commanded by Scripture, and they are pretty guegawes to behold, and therefore we acknowledge them worthy to be in the Church, that we may adore and worship them too, contrary to all Christianity; especially let the glorious light Cheapside Cross (the guilded shadow of the City of London) be a happiness unto you all, that when you have nothing to do, you may deceive idleness in gazing upon that with reverence: And for the more frequent honour of the Word, let Cross be interposed in the name of every street, as Fleet Cross street etc. Thus Cross being so obvious, and every holy word rooted out and extirpated from our mouths, nothing but what may relish of Arminanisme, and Popery may remain in our convocations.  
7. That we may assume no other names to ourselves but Rattle-heads, and that we may appear to be so by the manner of our Periwigs, the length of our curled or crisped hair, by the pearl or ribbons at the ears, which distinguisheth those that have ears amongst us, or those that have none, by the carbuncles of the face, and the redness of the Taverne-coloured nose, by the precious virtue whereof we do not only smell out the levity of some Citizen's wives, but are also feared and honoured as old beaten soldiers of Bacchus, as Captains or Ancient-bearers at least, because we always carry the colour in our noses, by the nicety and curiosity of the habit, the length of the cloak, the fashion of the doublet, the complete shortness of the breaches, the correspondency of the points, the fashion of the Oister-moulded boots, the gingling of the Coach-wheel roweld spurs, by the French troubled straddling of the legs, as far asunder as Lawyer's lines, by the swift fanning of the air with the lascivious hand, by the wagging and often shaking of the head, like a Barbary Hackney, by the mightiness of our credits, which is able to undo a hundred Citizens in a year, by the transparancy of our charity, which is so invisible, that neither the right hand nor the left did ever know it, by the multitude of our good works, which no man living did ever know, or can ever number▪ and last by the miser-like penury of our good words, and the prodigality of our Oaths. Thus being known to be Rattle-heades by these manifold signs and tokens, that this Rattle-heads Court be our general meeting place.  
8. That we have all pictures of Saints, Cherubims, etc. because they are pretty babbles to feed our delighted eyes, and fancies, and to keep off our minds from hearing the word preached.  
9 That any Rattle-head (being the world's, beloved) may, and shall have authority by Us, the Parliament of Rattle-head, to fight, swear, damns, lie, slash, and kill in any place: whether it be in Saint George's Fields, at Westminster with drawn swords, at Grocer's Hall in a warlike manner, at Kingston upon Thames, at York with naked swords, crying in the streets, who's for the King? or marching towards Hull in an Hostile manner, or lastly whether it be in taking a purse in the King's high way, which we must confess we do exercise sometimes for recreation sake, telling the parties so pillaged, that the Parliament have ordered, that all money should be disposed to pious uses, and that the King wants money; therefore it is necessary that their moneys should be disposed to the King's pious uses, etc. or in reading the Cupidinean Lecture to a Yorkshire maid under a hedge, or lastly whether it be a Welsh escape from the Tavern, the reckoning being unpaid▪ provided only, that it be not in an Alehouse, for that tends to the advancement of small-beere-prose, and the introducement of Heresy, therefore the escape is more commendable from a Tavern, being the mother of Popery, etc.  
10. That in our prayers we need not pray for salvation, or the forgiveness of sins, but only for the King, Queen, Prince, State, and especially for Bishops, Universities: without the help of the spirit, only the Lords prayer, and any other form of prayer, being used, though we understand not one word thereof.  
11. That damnation be never preached to Rattle-heads, because it is vanity to tell men of that, which they know already.  
12. That instead of Matrimony, if any Cavalier taketh affection to any Citizen's wife, he may exercise his talon as the spirit shall enable him without any further circumstance.  
13. That in the burial of the dead, prayer is as needful, as requisite, therefore it ought to be used, as well as auricular confession.  
14. That our Children (I mean our illegitimate ones) be baptised at eight days old at the farthest, and their Godfathers and Godmothers shall (like some vapouring Courtiers) make large and ample promises of their regeneration, though they perform nothing.  
15. That the book of Common prayer be in reverend estimation amongst us, and that we be filled so full with the fat of that porridge, that we shall need neither preaching, teaching, or any other instructions whatsoever, but only that.  
16. That all things be common amongst us, whether it be a purse by the high way, a Citizens wife, or an escape from the Tavern, which is common.  
17. That we receive the Sacrament kneeling to the Crucifix.  
18. That none shall wear short hare, for as soldiers are known by their colours, so we are known to be Rattle-heads, by our long hair.  
19 That our diet be very sumptuous, and costly: and if our moneys be deficient, and our purses cannot reach to such delicious curiosities, that it may be lawful to run on the Cook's score, till the debt grows Old, and at length till we conjoin them both, and become a Cuckold.  
20. That all learning, Order, Discipline, and the Universities be in venerable reputation amongst us, although we do neither follow, or be instructed by either.  
21. That every year there shall be the Rattle-heads Army here celebrated, and if no Antagonist be found to march against us, than we will encounter with Venus, or at least with some of her Meritrician sect: howsoever we will have an Arminian to be our Captain, agreeable to our dispositions, and we are all in an Army, for the Anagram of Arminian is In an Armi.  
22. That who soever shall not agree, and condescend to the due observation of each particular Order by us here established, shall be held as Puritans, enemies to the Sat of the Rattle-heads, and worthy to be renounced, suspended, or excommunicated, and never to be readmitted into the society of the malignant party, or God-dammefied Companions.   
FINIS.