THE POPE'S PARLIAMENT, CONTAINING A PLEASANT AND DELIGHTFUL HISTORY, WHEREIN are thoroughly delivered and brightly blazed out, the paltry trash and trumperies of him and his pelting Prelates, their mutinies, discord, and dissensions, their stomach and malice at Pope joane, their f●●fting and foisting of matters for defence of her, and their Antichristian practices, for maintenance of 〈◊〉 pomp and avarice.  
Whereunto is annexed an Anatomy of Pope joane, more apparently opening her whole life and story.  
Written by JOHN MAYO.  Quis tulerit Gracchos de seditione querentes?  printer's or publisher's device ANCHORA SPEI 
Imprinted at London by Richard Field dwelling in the Black Friars near Ludgate. 1591.   

TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFUL SIR GEORGE TRENCHARD KNIGHT, CAPTAIN OF Weymouth Castle, and one of the Deputy Lieutenants of the County of Dorset, john Mayo wisheth all increase of worship and honourable virtues, and at last a crown of eternal glory.  
NO heart can sufficiently conceive, much less any tongue is able with words to express, the singular comfort, joy and utility, that a Christian hath in this most dangerous pilgrimage, 
Psal. 27.4.  in beholding the fair beauty of the Lord, in visiting his holy Temple, and in learning his duty towards God, his Prince, and neighbours, according to the mind of the holy Ghost expressed in the Scriptures. This is of such great weight and importance, that it doth deliver us from every evil work, 
2. Tim. 4.18.  quencheth all the fiery darts of the wicked, checketh and choketh all fickle and transitory vanities, and maketh glad, cheereth and cherisheth the conscience of man in all changes and chances of this mortal life whatsoever. This is of such singular force and operation, 
Heb. 4.12.  that it entereth through (as the Apostle saith) even unto the dividing asunder of the soul, and of the spirit, & of the joints, and the marrow, purifying our hearts through faith in Christ jesus, and instilling the heavenly drops of his grace into our hard and stony hearts, to souple and soften the same. This is such a precious balm, & sovereign antidote, that it healeth all our maladies and infirmities, and such a lantern to our feet and light to our paths, that it doth deliver us from the power of darkness, 
Ephes. 6.  and translateth us to the kingdom of Christ, putting upon us, universam illam 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, that same complete armour of a godly man, that we may stand against all the assaults of the devil. O how dear and sweet was this to that blessed king David: how beloved of Saba Queen of Aethiopia: how precious to Eunuchus, 
2. 〈◊〉. 1.5.  Cornelius, Eunice Timothy's mother, & Lois his grandmother, with many others: and how comfortable and delectable to the Apostles, martyrs, and confessors. Vanity is vain, and all things in the world are but vanity, besides the love of God, and his only service.  
Seeing then, that the word of God is of such efficacy & excellency, and hath in it such a secret and hidden Manna: necessary it is that Man which is borne of a woman, and hath but a short time to live, should with all humbleness and sobriety, read, learn, and inwardly digest the same, and with diligent study and contemplation, employ the course of his warfare therein. God made living creatures (saith chrysostom) for man: but he made man for himself. How for himself? only to glorify his name, to serve him with fear, and rejoice unto him with reverence. He made him after his own similitude and likeness: he gave him his laws and commandments: and therefore he only ought to give attendance to them, and to continue in learning of them, that through patience and comfort of them he might have hope, faith, and immortality in jesus Christ. Every one must further (as far forth as he can) the building of God's Temple. If he can not bring gold, silver, or precious stones, he must bring minima quaeque, pelles, & caprarum pilos, the least things he hath, skins, and the hairs of Goats. We must not be idle in Gods great harvest, neither secure in these perilous times: we must never cease to labour and learn, try out and discern God from Belial, Christ from Antichrist, godly and sincere doctrine, belonging to the true worshipping of God, from erroneous and damnable tending to superstition and idolatry, 
1. john. 4 1.  according to that blessed saying of Saint john: Believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they be of God.  
These reasons (right Worshipful) being weighed and thoroughly considered by me, I was not a little spurred and pricked forward something to take in hand, that might testify and show my zeal and fervent affection to the same. And by chance taking Platina (though a shameful parasite for the Popes, yet in many places truly painting and publishing their filthiness and abominations) I lighted upon Pope joane, of whom he writeth and craftily, cloaketh, in the life of john the eight. Noting the history, and perceiving what a miraculous token it was sent of the Lord, to the subversion of popery, and to the utter confusion of that purple whore: I framed thereupon a Parliament, though but a fiction, yet plainly declaring the great choler and indignation that the Pope and his Prelates have at the name of Pope joane, their palpable blindness, and malcontent stomachs, their greedy and insatiable hunger for money, their mutinous dissension and antichristian practices that be among them, and their spiteful envy and enmity against the true professors of the Gospel: whereunto I annexed an anatomy of Pope joane, more manifestly opening their clouted shifts, and excuses for her, and more apparently revealing her whole life and story.  
This (right Worshipful) I boldly offer unto you, although it may import small manners and little modesty in me: assuming so upon your courtesy, as I assure myself you will vouchsafe of my good will and accept of the matter. The matter indeed (I confess) is such, as deserveth to be handled of a grave and learned divine, and can not by reason of my ignorance and small knowledge, be so cunningly and clearkely described, as it ought: yet I doubt not, but it is so handled, as you shall see Pope joane painted out in her colours, and behold (as it were) in a glass, the loathsome corruption and perverseness of the Roman synagogues: howsoever it be, I am to crave pardon of skilless attempt, shrouding myself wholly and solely under your courteous protection: promising, that if hereafter either my wit or skill shall be able to yield any better fruit, I will offer it at your Worship's shrine. For you are the Saint to whom in heart I own most dutiful devotion, being such a lamp and light of justice and good government in this our County of Dorset, such a fautor and friend of virtue and good literature, such a furtherer and favourer of true Christian religion, and of the preachers and ministers thereof, and so wise, well affected, and given every kind of ways, that I should rather embeazle, then illustrate your condign praise. What godly and Christian orders be observed in your house? How fervent and forward are you always in her majesties service, in defence of the realm against foreign invasions, and in detecting and punishing those, that wilfully disturb, and seek to subvert our happy state and government? 
Grafton in the 21. year of the reign of king Henry the 7. 1505.  Rightly do you advance the great worship and credit of your house, and truly tread the steps of your famous ancestors. For as that noble knight sir Thomas Trenchard your grandfather, in the time of king Henry the seventh, was commended and renowned, and greatly thanked of the king his master, for receiving with all humanity and reverence, Philip king of Castille and Lion, Archduke of Ostrich and Burgoine, and Earl of Flaunders, who was the kings loving and faithful friend, and of old familiarity and acquaintance together, being driven by force of weather to the port of Weymouth: so your worship within these few years have been not a little commended and renowned, and greatly thanked of her gracious Majesty, for nobly entertaining Lewis of Bourbon, prince of Condee, being driven to land at the same place. I could use further discourses to this effect, but fearing the censure of smoothing, and hoping you will deign as well of the poor man's mite, as the rich man's treasure, and shadow this my slender labour under the wings of your tuition, I surcease any longer to interrupt your serious affairs, suppliantly craving of the Almighty, to augment his graces and virtues in you, that after your short pilgrimage here ended, you may rest with the Israel of God, in endless bliss and felicity.  
Your Worships at commandment, JOHN MAYO.   

To the Christian Reader.  
Doubtless, thou mayst marvel, and much mislike (good courteous Reader) that I, who am but a tender suckling, and novice in good letters, should presume so far, as to take in hand and publish that, which I have rawly and rashly contrived, being a matter meet and requisite for a grave and perfect divine. Certes I cannot altogether excuse myself in this behalf: for I am not so blind, as not to see, nor so impudent, as not to confess my knowledge to be such, as is fit to be concealed then revealed, and deserveth rather silence and rejection, than any affection or commendation. Howbeit, I am of the mind of learned Seneca: Malè mihi esse malo, quàm molliter. 
Seneca. 33. Epist.  I had rather be counted foolish and impudent, by offering such simple stuff as mine insufficiency can afford, then slothfully to sit still in the market place, and to be neither idle nor well occupied: especially in that matter that might show the dastardly cowardness, & bastardly causes of our adversaries, who are suffered (by reason of a few currish & cursed schismatics of our own breeding that have disturbed our quiet state and government, and troubled not a little many godly and learned men) too much to wallow & welter in their own loathsome security, and to sleep (as they say) in utramuis aurem, sound and roundly with little or no contradiction. What? Credimus avectos hosts, do we think that they are gone? Do we believe that they are clean extinct, & extirpate? and that all their treacheries, treasons, & massacres, are dead and buried? No, no, this our silence towards them doth breed the more violence in them, and will (I fear) heap greater firebrands of troubles upon us. Our own dangerous and gnawing Vipers (God be thanked) are well tamed & sufficiently kerbed, so that they dare not once so much as to peep up their heads. Now let us have a vigilant eye, and diligent care to these arch-enimies, lest they being better armed with fire and sword, then with the scriptures and Doctors, do work our woe, and make us buy repentance at too high a rate. The times were never so dangerous, as they be now. 
Sine pace, Criminatores, Proterui.  Men were never such 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, as they be now: and never greater perils were hanging over our heads. The Pope never bestirred himself more than he doth: the Cardinals, priests, monks, friars, and all the rabblement of them, did never intend more mischief against us, than they do now. For the same Proclamation is practised now in Rome among them, that was sometime in the counsel house of Ephesus: Nemo nostrum frugi esto. Let no good man be among us. Therefore let us look unto them in time, and beware of their leaven and maliciousness, and let me not be too hardly censured, because I have adventured to offer unto thee this simple Treatise called, The Pope's Parliament, wherein thou mayest see a whole pack of Romish trumperies, and Antichristian illusions. Construe well my meaning, and accept my good will: willing by the one, to do thee the best good I could, and declaring by the other, my hearty zeal & affection, for the advancement of God's true religion, and for the suppression of impious superstition: howsoever thou deem of it, I am comforted with this. Tantum emit vidua duobus minutis, quantum emit Petrus, relinquens retia, & quantum ●●chaeus dando dimidium patrimonij sui. And so farewell.  
Thine in the Lord JOHN MAYO.   

Candido Lectori. I. O.  

VIsne Antichristi vestigia cernere? vísne  
Romanam praxim cernere? Lector ades.  
Vis Papae Synodum conflatam mordicùs oestro,  
Bile, supercilijs cernere? Lector ades.  
Vísne Papistarum discrimina, praelia, rixas,  
jurgia, praestigias cernere? Lector ades.  
Vin' tu foemineae contagia dira johannae  
Papae olim Romae cernere? Lector ades.  
Vin' mores, vitamque suam quam turpiter actam,  
Vin' mortem horrendam cernere? Lector ades.  
Lector ades, librum hunc eme, perlege, protinus ipse  
Haec planè & plenè suppeditata feres.  
Sume ergo placidè, iucundo sumito vultu,  
Authori grates pectore redde tuo.   

Floridus Mayi est, redoletque mensis.  
Floridus Mayo est, redoletque noster.  
Praebet halantes niveosque flores,  
Alter & alter,  
Huius ast flores remanent, vigentque:  
Illius flores pereunt, caduntque:  
Fulgidos veros, rutilosque flores  
Collige lector.    

In commendation of the Author.  

Sweet May is come, that winter's frost oppressed,  
Whereat the birds their silver notes displays,  
(As if that Boar as blasts had reaved their rest,  
And Phoebus roused from den with golden rays,  
Comes with his shining beams, bringing them news  
Of weather fair, which as they would ensues.)   

The May is come that makes the shrubs to sing,  
Whose ruby streams descries the slow-worms watches,  
And Philomela sits and fears no sting  
Of wrath, but quiet naps in rest she catches.  
Each bird on top of tree with mirth resounds,  
Welcome sweet May, by whom our bliss rebounds.   

Our May, fair knowledge is, error the frost  
That nipped truths Laurel boughs and flowers fair,  
The Protestants the birds that sorrow lost  
To see undoubted truth to them repair:  
The Philomela shows our noble Queen,  
The blindfold Pope, the slowworm clothed with teen.   

May brings green buds, blooming with blossoms bright,  
Flora yields Poesies, May yields flowers divine,  
Surpassing May dimming her glittering light:  
As Sol doth cause sweet Cynthia's beams to pine.  
No labour doth his reaching mind forego,  
Whereby (O Reader good) thy good may grow.   

Sitting in harbours green with virtues grace,  
Not in the chambers of fond Venus' lust:  
He means to make his pen journey apace,  
To show the truth, and rub off errors rust.  
Then hither youth repair with Echoes laud,  
Give May due thanks, his praise deserved applaud.   
Robert Ford.   

THE ARGUMENT OF THIS TREATISE.  
THe Pope goeth in his solemn procession: by the advise of Cardinal Allen he passed through that street, where the Marble image of the woman Pope joane was erected, and yet standeth, representing her filthiness and abomination: he looketh upon it, and with the sight thereof is so strangely affrighted, that he ran back again like a mad man, to the great admiration of the people. The next day he called his Cardinals, and held a Parliament in his Consistory: where three questions were propounded & agreed upon. The hollow chair of Porphirie stone, used for the proof of the Pope's humanity, was torn in pieces. The Marble image of the woman Pope joane was broken down, and all the English catholics were exiled and commanded to pack out of Rome the next day. They seeing the Pope's holy displeasure against them, concluded together to give him a thousand Florins, and every year after so much, if so be that they might have his blessed favour and permission to abide in Rome: whereupon the Pope absolveth and recalleth them, and taketh them into his gracious liking again.   

THE POPE'S PARLIAMENT.  
GRegorie the fourteenth, now Pope of Rome, 
Franciscus Zarabella. Papa facit quicquid libet, etiam illicita: & est plus quàm Deus.  no mere natural man, but Lord of Lords, and king of kings, and more than God, as his adherents are blindly persuaded: after he had sat in the chair of Porphirie stone, of some called the chair of ease, or hollow stool of easement, for proof of his humanity: mounted up aloft in his gaudy Pontificalibus, and passing in his solemn procession, from S. Peter's church to Lateran, by the means of Cardinal Allen an English fugitive, a man much favoured and fancied of the Pope and his prelates, he took his way strait forth, and did not pass undirectly by other streets (making his way somewhat the longer) as his predecessors have used to do, for the space of 500 years and more: where by the way he saw the marble image of the woman Pope joane, lying in travel, who going that way, strained with pains, between Colosseo, and S. Clemens church brought forth & died, and (as they say) was there buried. Looking upon the image, and noting the fashion, proportion, and prodigy of the same, 
A strange thing, in such an earthly God, surely.  he was upon the sudden astonished, and as one bereft of his wits: in so much, that in a great chafe and fury, throwing off his Mitre, casting away his Pixe, regarding neither his pontificals, nor procession, he shook up his old crooked joints, and ran back again, as fast as his heels could fling, to his Palace, leaving behind him the Cardinals, bishops, priests, and all the rest of the people.  
Strange was the sight, and rare was the accident, that he which is equal with the patriarchs, 
This is the blind opinion of his parasites.  above kings and Emperors, and one that is all, and above all, that cannot err by any means possible, should have such a foul blot to his holiness, as not to remember himself, as though he had drank of the river Lethe in hell, Quae praeteritarum rerum fertur oblivionem inducere: and so to run and rage, as though the water of the lakes in Ethiope had been in his belly: 
ovid. Metamorp. 15. 197.  Quos si quis faucibus hausit, Aut furit, aut patitur mirum gravitate soporem. Yea, it was such a supernatural event and aspect, as the beholders thereof, and all they that heard of it, did descant diversly upon it, and were strooken into no small admiration therewith. Some said, he had a celestial motion in him, and feared, lest he should be taken up into heaven, 
Plut. in vita Romuli.  as Romulus was. Some said, he was very ill at ease, & doubted lest dirges should be sung for his soul the next day. 
Ben. Cardinalis.  Some said, he had the spirit of Hildebrand, who being but Cardinal, did beat Pope Alexander with his fist, and kept him prisoner. Some said, the marble image was the cause thereof, and wished it had never been there erected. Some laid all the blame upon Cardinal Allen, the Pope's sweet darling, & said, that he was worthy to have sharp and severe punishment for it. Some also led with a better spirit than the rest, said, that the Pope surely was Antichrist that man of sin, 
2. Thess. 2.4.  sitting in the church of God, & showing himself above all that is worshipped or called God, & that this was a most lively & manifest token thereof, showed of God, to the confusion & overthrowing of that beast. But Cardinal Allen (good man) was more than all the rest, 
Cardinal Allen, not a little grieved with the Pope's misfortune.  not a little terrified & tottered with this chance, yea, he was so nipped in the pate, & strooken with such a paralytical passion, that his Cardinal's hat would scarce abide upon his shaven crown. Wherefore he withdrew himself from the company, & with all speed he could, went to his lodging, & there locking himself fast into his study, he mused & ruminated upon the matter, & at last fell into these speeches with himself. 
Rom. 8.  Now must I needs believe, that all things work unto good, unto them that be in Christ jesus: and that truth will conquer falsehood, though it be never so finely or freshly coloured. Now must I perforce confess, though never so unwillingly, that the truth of God is mighty, & shall prevail: that if the God of Israel come into the Temple, 
1. Reg. 5.  the idol of Dagon must needs fall down: that darkness shall fly before the light: and the more fiercely man's wisdom shall withstand, the more glorious shall God be in his victory. Now alas must I affirm that, which erst I have vehemently and vauntingly denied, that Rome is the great city of Babylon, that the Pope is Antichrist, that son of perdition, and that the Roman Church is the very synagogue of Satan. For what marvelous miracles hath God showed, that he is highly displeased and offended at us? What strange signs and tokens, that he abhorreth and abandoneth our religion, and the professors thereof? 
Esay. 30.  What lively and plain demonstrations, that we are children of untruth, children that will not hear the law of God? Is Peter's successor, Christ's vicar, the shepherd of the universal Church, now an Apostata, and an enemy to God? Is our Catholic, Apostolic, authentic, and mother Church, become an harlot, corrupt and putrefied? Are all our ornaments, orders, and ceremonies, but toys, trash, and trumperies? all our Saints and pictures, but dumb stocks and foolery? all our pomp, pride, and prodigality, contemptible and odious? Is our antiquity, our universality, and unity, whereupon we have bragged and boasted so exceedingly, now vilified, detestable, and nothing worth? And are our images heathenish, but silver & gold, 
Psal. 135.  the works of men's hands? Have they mouths, and speak not, eyes and see not, ears, and hear not? And are all we like unto them, that put our trust in them? Why then, vicisti Galilaee; take all, and pay the Baker. Thou knowest thine own, and no power can pull them out of thine hand.  
But soft & fair man, Sic notus Ulysses? Condemn not so hastily, for, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉; temerity is dangerous in all matters. Consulta quae sunt agenda, cunctantèr. Take advisement in those things which thou dost. Think with thyself, Rome is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, Rome is Rome, strength, power and health, the Metropolitan of all Europe, the rock of Christ, the spouse of Christ, the light of the whole world, & cannot with one small earthquake be shaken and overthrown. Our Pope is Christ's vicegerent, the head of all Churches, the prince of Pastors, and as far above kings, as God is above man. He hath the keys of heaven, the triple crown, both swords, authority over heaven and hell, to let & set, bind and loose, and do what please him, and cannot with one bare mischance be harmed or discredited. 
Note the brave and lusty speeches of a stout papist.  Nay, he hath wealth and riches, treasure & jewels, and what not: and is far happier & better than Peter was, who said, Aurum & argentum non est mihi, Silver and gold I have none. What is there then that can diminish his glory, crack his credit, or impair his holiness? An semper feriet quodcúnque minabitur arcus? Will every bow that is bend strike the mark? And every little blast subvert the Roman faith? No, no, it is far otherwise. Remember that the Pope's heretofere have had as bad, or rather worse chances than this, and yet there was no contradiction to them, nor any derogation to their religion. Remember the actions of Pope Hildebrand, of Clement the eight, of Innocentius the third. Remember the opinions of john 22. of Liberius, & many others. 
I channe Baleus de illustr. scrip. Br●an.  Remember the madge Owlet, that sat upon the middle beam of saint Martin's Temple, two days together: where the Pope called Balthasar, with his prelate's, sat in council, flickering about with his shreeching noise, and casting his broad eyes directly upon Balthasar, 
Acts & Monuments, T●m 1. fol. 705. & 706.  who would not be beaten away with libets, or clubs, or crying noise, till with much cudgeling at him, being sore beaten, he fell down dead before them all. Remember also the strange sights, the monstrous births, and the signs in the elements, that have been in Rome. and in other countries, where the Roman faith is professed. What for all this? Is our Pope prejudiced, or his holiness abhorred? Is our religion changed, our pomp diminished, our orders dissolved, or any one jot of our ceremonies abrogated? 
O worthy proctor for the pope.  No, no, the Pope is too mighty to have repulse of earthly creatures: and Rome is too strong to be blown down with so light a blast: Hic Petrus, haec Petra: Here is the faith: here is the way. And if an Angel come from heaven, and tell the contrary, Anathema, we will not believe him. Well, well: but consilium domi: take counsel and advisement with thyself, and catch not so foolishly at the Moonshine in the water. Consider yet further of the matter, and thou shalt not so lightly slip it over. The Pope was strangely affrighted. No small matter. Where? in his solemn procession. A shrewd piece of work. How came it to pass? by beholding the marble image of Pope joane. O this is gall to me, 
The Cardinal caused the Pope to pass through the forbidden street.  and wormwood to English Catholics. But how did it chance, that he had not refrained that way, as the Pope's manner hath a long while been? O it was by my means, conscientia mill testes. I cannot, nor may not deny it. I never thought any such thing would have happened unto him: yea I thought, the refraining of the Popes that way to have beeae causeless, and but mere vanity. How shall I pacify this tumult? How shall I pull my neck out of this collar? With what face shall I look upon the reverend holiness of Gregory? What opinion will he now conceive of me, that hath loved me tenderly, favoured me especially, and honourably promoted me to the dignity of a Cardinal? And what will he think also of my good countrymen, whom he harboureth, succoureth, and maintaineth at his great charges? Veh misero mihi, quanta de spe decidi. I was never in this extremity, and I never kindled such firebrands of troubles before. Shall I fly? that would be a most horrible discredit. Shall I hide away? that is dastardly Shall I confess the fault? that savours of base simplicity. 
See the spirit of a Romish champion.  Shall I recant, and hasten back again to my native Country? what? think not of that: be rather thine own butcher. Shall I bear a bold face, and manly resolution, and fear no colours? Oh this is the way: Hic labour, hoc opus, est: here goeth the hare away. Proceed and fear not. Thou art a Cardinal: 
O noble courage in a cardinal, and worthy actions for him.  thou hast cunning to smooth, Logic to reason, eloquence to persuade, yea and Magic too, if need be, to work greater miracles than these.  Flectere si nequeo Superos, Acheronta movebo. 
Therefore proface, and stint not: Audentes fortuna juuat: 
Eneid. 7.  fortune favours them that be resolute.  
Having thus spoken, he left his closet, and went towards Laterane the Pope's palace, following the counsel of Aeneas: Curis ingentibus aeger.  
Spem vultu sineulat, premit altum cord dolorem, 
Eneid. 1.  bearing a fair face outwardly, but inwardly pinched with many bitter passions, and millions of griefs: and coming into the Pope's court, as he had been accustomed, was noted and maligned at by many, yea very hardly and heavily taken: yet he went forward, not forgetting Dido's lesson: 
Ineid. 4.  Degeneres animos timor arguit: And hied to the sweet side of his good Lord and master the Pope: fully determining to try the uttermost of the chavece, and what would befall unto him. He found the Pope (as his good luck was) in reasonable good temper, and recovered of his former agony: 
The great study of the Pope that he useth.  yet neither occupied in the pulpit (I warrant you) nor in the study of Theology, nor feeding his sheep, as Christ commanded Peter. But how? he was with some of his Cardinals and other his especial friends at dinner, where all things were lautè and opiparè, fine and curious: where no dainty cates and delicates were wanting, both dear bought, and far brought, and good for ladies. 
Another great mischance that the pope had.  The Pope he so glutted and greased himself with good cheer, that his holiness was somewhat pleasant, and in the same mood that the Poet Ennius was when he could best versify: insomuch, that seeing Cardinal Allen doing his ghostly duty unto him, he spoke after this manner. What Cardinal Allen? you are welcome, come sit down with us, Qui é assai con che. Here is good cheer. These words did not please a little the Cardinal: they were honey to his mouth, Nectar to his heart, and heavenly harmony to his ears: so that without further entreaty, he sat down with them, & fed as hardly & hungerly, 
For all their boasting of their unity they quarrel one with another, and differ in opinions.  as such a passionate man could do. The rest of the company, not forgetting the late strange event, did lower & looked sour upon the Cardinal, murmuring and muttering at him not a little: yet fearing the Pope's deity, and respecting the high dignity of his triple crown, they cloaked and coloured some humanity towards him, and used the best affability they could. After they had well taken their repast, and talked somewhat merrily of pretty pastimes and dalliances: 
The table talk of the Papists, of dalliance.  the Pope roused from a sweet lullaby, elevating his head with a higher Catholic aspect then before, began to fix and cast his eyes upon Cardinal Allen: and after he had rubbed a little with his hallowed hands, he fell into some memory with himself, & gave to the Cardinal an other welcome, after this manner.  
Cardinale, voi non mangiate, vi vergognate? Cardinal, you eat nothing, are you ashamed? If you are, it is a sign of some alteration, and unacquainted passion in you: this was not wont to be your fashion. The Cardinal with all reverence and submission unto him, thus replied. Io ho beve mangiato, I thank your holiness, I was never yet ashamed to take my meat: and it shall be a great alteration and passion that shall make me leave and loathe it. Well, well (said the Pope) I know what I know, and you know who I am. Nimia familiaritas parit contemptum, I have loved you too well, 
The Pope repenteth of the great favour that he showed to the Cardinal.  yea I would I had not loved you so well, for than I had not been loved so ill. The Cardinal answered, Your holiness may deem of me as you please, and speak of me what you list, I may not, nor ought not gainsay you, sub poena mortalis peccati: under pain of mortal sin. But if once I should be found not loving you, or any kind of ways misconstruing of your excellency: well may I think that I breathed, but never that I lived. Decipimar specie (quoth the Pope) there is knavery in your budget, and I see now which way she wind bloweth, I have followed your humour too much, and I have had too great trust and confidence to you English aliens: for you have brought more discredit to my Sea, more troubles to my synagogues, and more charges to my holiness, than any other nation whatsoever: and this you shall shortly know more at large, to your bad digestion. The Cardinal would have spoken unto him again, but the company would not permit him: insomuch, that he departed away with a buzzing fly in his ear, more troubling him then before. The Cardinal being departed, the Pope prosecuted the matter. 
The Pope exclaimeth against the Cardinal & his countrymen.  Sure I am (most noble Cardinals) that you marvel not a little wherefore I reprehended and accused Cardinal Allen so openly, and dealt so roundly and sound with him, as plainly to tell him of his offence, and duly and truly to convince him of his treachery. Assure yourselves, cause I have to do it, yea and such cause, as grieveth and girdeth me to the quick. For I have found him such a peevish parasite, and cozening quondam to me his Lord, and high Bishop, such a poisoned stain and blemish to you his fellow Cardinals, and such an eclipse and downfall to our Catholic Church, that he is worthy, not only presently to be banished from our Court, but also to be afflicted with a far greater punishment. Now I know the scurvy sycophant, and the paltry peasant, tanquam Corui pullos suos. 
Fit words for a Pope.  Now the beggarly rout and rabblement of English miscreants, have cast off their masks and vizards, and shown themselves to be flatterers, pickethankes, and cogging clawbacks. Wherefore I protest and swear unto you by my holiness, that they are eyesores and ulcers unto me, and shall not from henceforth come into my sacred favour and acceptation. Yea I tell you (my Cardinals) that I will have them clean extirpate and exiled out of all my territories, dominions and provinces, or else I will lose my triple Diadem and sceptre. 
The Pope commandeth a parliament  I command you therefore upon your oath, and obedience to our holy mother the Church, and to me your high Lord, and supreme pastor, that you, and all the rest of the Cardinals, appear to morrow in my consistory, by nine of the clock in the forenoon, and especially Cardinal Allen that English runaway, there to answer such things as shall be objected against him. The Cardinals hearing the holy father's commandment, forthwith did execute the same, sending word to the rest of the Cardinals, and principally to Cardinal Allen, 
Cardinal Allen hardly dealt withal.  causing his lodging to be watched all that night for fear, lest he should privily escape away. Cardinal Allen now percyving how much the fire was kindled, and what a many of stinging hornets he had stirred up about him, was so perplexed and pestered, that he rested, a la mort, fit for nothing but for a dumb shadow: yet scanning the matter more indifferently, and weighing also his own worthiness and vocation more exactly, he did somewhat mitigate his grief, and confirm his heart: so that with careaway and chance what may, he was this pleasant with himself.  
Tush man, all is well enough, if thou canst be content: 
The Cardinal courageous, fearing no colours.  let care be the least though of a thousand. Can one petty misfortune, or one little fleabiting disgrace thy holiness, embeazle thy fame, and sack thy credit, illustrate to all Catholics in Europe? No, no: if thou thinkest so, thou art far besides the cushion, and dost show thyself to be a boy, and a milksop, unworthy of thy name and dignity. For maugre the holy father Gregory himself, maugre the Cardinals, and maugre all the potentates of the court of Rome, thou canst not be once cloyed, or annoyed, or so much as driven to a non plus in the matter. Thou canst smooth and sooth, 
These be the fruits of Papists.  thou canst with the Satire out of one mouth blow both hot and cold: thou knowest well enough the fashion and frailty of this Court, 
Omnia Roma cum precio.  thou hast unguentum rubrum to grease them withal if need be: thou hast enough, and enough, to pacify this fray, and to save thyself harmless. Therefore be not dismayed: sat supérque habes: and say with Niobe: tutum me copia fecit.  
Having thus spoken, he went up and down with a pleasant and merry countenance, covering as well as he could, all his griping griefs and pathetical affections, with an outward colour of great courage, spirit and security. Yet by no means he could drive away the cogitation out of his heart, but ever he hammered and hacked upon it, and especially how he should the next day answer the matter brought in question. Therefore he disputed pro & con, with himself: and armed his head so strongly, and bombasted his brains so egregiously, that his force seemed impregnable, and he thought himself able, in disputation to encounter with the best doctor, and profoundest Coriphaeus in all Italy.  
Well, the day and hour was come, wherein he should draw near towards the Consistory, wherefore he got all his tackling and furniture about him, and went his way. As soon as he, and the rest of the Cardinals were sat, the mighty Majesty of the high potentate Gregory came in, glittering and glistering in his pontifical and princely robes, fortified with no small company of men and palfrays, 
Plain and evident tokens of Antichrist.  and sat down in a stately and imperial chair there erected and prepared for him: after that he had well settled himself, he began this solemn oration.  
(Reverend Cardinals) my own dear and first begotten children, 
The Pope's oration.  fit and worthy pastors of my Catholic and Apostolic Church: may it please you, to the health and security of my authority to the praise and honour of God, 
See his pride and ambition: he putteth himself before God.  and to the increase and advancement of our Roman faith and religion, to consider with me, and to judge uprightly of these three points following.  
First, whether the Porphyry chair, used for the trial and proof of our virility, 
The points to be decided in the Parliament.  is to be preserved as hitherto it hath been, or else to be destroyed and abolished.  
Secondly, whether the marble image near Colosseo, that showeth Pope joane lying in her travel, is to be kept as an ancient monument, or to be defaced and broken in pieces, as a ridiculous and odious spectacle.  
Thirdly, whether the English fugitives are to be retained, and further maintained at our great charges, or else without any longer delay, to be utterly expelled, and exiled.  
They all answered, it pleaseth us. The Pope then went forward on this manner.  

The pope's judgement in the first point.  (Most noble Cardinals) I will first of all relate unto you my sacred and Apostolical censure, concerning these questions, and then I will permit you frankly and freely to propose your judgements also. My censure concerning the hollow chair of Porphirie stone, is affirmative, and this: that it is no longer to be kept and preserved, as proper to the Roman chair of blessed Peter, prince of the Apostles, but forthwith to be defaced and destryed, as a thing too base and contemptible, far unworthy of our high calling, and reverend jurisdiction. The reasons that move me are these.  
First, it is no small defamation and disgrace to Christ his chief vicar and pastor, to him whose power is divine and imperious, far above any mortal man, to yield himself to so unseemly and vile a thing, 
Sabellicus, Enneadis. 9 lib. 1. ab ultimo Diacono attrectantur.  as to suffer another man attrectare genitalia at his creation.  
Secondly, it is a renovation, and continual demonstration of the memory of Pope joane, who hath brought more infamy, contempt, and detestation, to our sanctified chair and religion, than now can, or ever (I fear me) will be well wiped, or taken away. Thirdly, the defacing and abolishing of it, will restrain heretical and contumelious tongues, assuage the calamities of these our times, quiet the controversies of religion, and restore a more true and Ecclesiastical peace unto us. Now let me hear what your opinion is. Conuenimus omnes, said the Cardinals: your holiness hath spoken nothing, but that which is for the glory of the blessed chair of Peter, for the benefit of the ancient & Catholic faith, and for the assurance of our safeties and dignities. And what say you Cardinal Allen, quoth the Pope? Vox tua raucescit? are you mute and silent? How like you these suppositions? The Cardinal with all mildness and modesty, thus answered.  
Conuenimus omnes. We agree altogether, they are pure and Catholic, fit and famous decrees and canons, for your Apostolical seat, and for the ancient, absolute, and full perfect faith of the high city of Rome. Perge, perge, go on, go on, quoth the Pope, you have more to say I am sure.  
Since it so pleaseth your sanctimony (said the Cardinal) Libentissimè pergam, I will go forward with all my heart. Right well, may I use the words of the learned father S. Hierome, 
In Epist.  Haec est fides (beatissime Papa) quam in catholica discimus Ecclesia, in qua si minùs peritè aut parùm cautè, forte aliquid positum est, emendari cupimus à te, qui Petri fidem & sedem tenes. This is the faith (o most blessed father) which we learn in the catholic Church: wherein if any thing peradventure be put not skilfully nor advisedly, we desire to be reform of you, who usurp the seat and faith of Peter. For if the holy mother church of Rome, 
False & ungodly opinions.  be so founded, built, and grounded upon Peter, Prince of the Apostles, that the gates of hell shall not prevail against it: and if Peter's successor and Christ's chief steward, hath the keys of heaven given him, to bind and loose, to add and subtract, to multiply and divide at his celestial will and pleasure: then who may under pain of damnation gainsay his heavenly sentence and opinion, and without his great curse and thundering bull, derogate any one jot from his faith and religion. 
A notable Parasite.  If your omnipotent authority (most gracious father) be as far above Princes and Emperors, as the sun is above the moon, and above the Angels of God, without whom there is no salvation: then how may we, or dare we once spurn or malign at you, and reject your divine and infallible sentence, in any matter whatsoever? You are the spiritual man that judgeth all things, & you yourself are judged of none: and although you be found unprofitable, and remiss in your works, having no regard to your own salvation, 
This was the detestable doctrine of Pope Boniface, an English man.  nor to the salvation of your brethren, so that you lead with yourself innumerable heaps of people, unto the chiefest bondslave of hell, there ever to be beaten with many stripes: yet your faults no mortal man presumeth to reprove here, because you shall judge all men, and be judged of no man yourself. Then your good and sacred censure of the Porphirie stone, (my most high Lord, and reverend father) is of us all to be adored and honoured, especially, since it is grounded upon most weighty and substantial reasons, tending not a little to the health and illustration of the holy church of Rome, and to the advancement and propagation of your splendent light and prehemence. For certes, in every indifferent man's judgement, the preservation thereof is in no kind of way a glory and furtherance, but every kind of way a scandal and ignomy, to the Catholic religion, and to the principal tower thereof the city of Rome. What doubt can there be in the humanity of the high bishop that is to be created? Can he be Hermophroditus, a man and a woman, 
It is possible: for Semiramis being a woman, was a long time taken for a man.  both in one? Is it possible that a woman being not capable of holy orders, can aspire unto that dignity, and be found worthy of that high calling and function, in wisdom, gravity, learning, wit, and authority? or is it possible that a woman can so long conceal her sex, and not be known and espied? Surely, surely, the keeping of the hollow chair of Porphirie stone, and the sitting therein of our Lord and high bishop, is of all other things most vain, foolish, and ridiculous, savouring of little wit, and less wisdom. Notwithstanding some there be, 
A foolish shadowing & frivolous.  that shadow the matter, and affirm that the stool of natural easement, doth serve for this purpose to the Pope, lest the sovereignty of honour exhibited unto him, should in his own conceit lift him higher, then for the degree of humane condition: but this is to little or no purpose: therefore Dirue, confunde, down with it, and tear it in pieces: Conuenimus omnes, We all agree to it: let not so vile an object remain in your court, and such a pestiferous custom of disgrace and rascality be any longer used of Peter's successors.  
Gregory, seeing the Cardinal so vehement and valiant in the cause, broke off his speech, and said, Satis loquentiae, you have spoken enough: the matter is more clearer than the noon day, and need no farther disputation. 

The Pope's commandment concerning the Porphirie chair.  
The Porphirie chair is broken in the Consistory.   Wherefore my pleasure and commandment is this: that the Porphirie chair be presently brought hither into the Consistory before us, and be in our sight broken, defaced, and utterly abolished. The Cardinals hearing these words, sent immediately for it, and soon it was brought into the Consistory, and before the face of the Pope and his Cardinals, all hewed and shivered into pieces: when this was done, the Pope proceeded after this manner.  
(Most worthy Cardinals) seeing that we have fully and absolutely considered and decided the first point, and brought it to that effect, as is lawful and expedient for us: let us come likewise to the second, which is: whether the marble image by the Colosseo, representing the woman Pope joane in child bearing, is to be kept, and let stand, as heretofore it hath been, or else utterly to be defaced and destroyed. My censure is in like manner as it was of the former, 
The Pope's censure concerning the marble image.  that it is wholly and principally to be subverted and abolished: for it is more to be feared then the Basilisk, and more to be avoided then the Cockatrice: and it is a greater stain, hurt, and reproach to our seat Apostolic, a more manifest precedent and picture of the woman Pope, and a more grievous eyesore to a Catholic, 
The Pope's weighty reasons for suppressing of it  than the other: this is public and openly to be seen, whereas the other is secret and closely kept: this is easily to be perceived of every one that seeth it, the use of the other is hardly to be understood of any: yea, this is the body and very heart of Pope joane, but the other is but a little part and member thereof. I marvel much, what he meant that first caused it to be erected, and what my predecessors meant to let it stand in that place as it doth. What say you to it renowned Cardinals?  
Cardinal Medici's, a man of the greatest wealth and riches, though not of the greatest wit and learning, made this answer.  
Nothing is or hath been (most sovereign Lord, and supreme Pastor) that more impaireth the excellency of your sacred sceptre, more eclipseth the orient beams of your dignity, and more abrogateth the rites and canons of the ancient and catholic Roman religion, than that fond and foolish fable of Pope joane, which our adversaries believe as an infallible truth, and most usually cast us in the teeth withal, above all other things. What means have heretofore been used for the remedy thereof, you are not ignorant: the whole story hath been stoutly and stiffly denied, and yet it availeth not. Her name hath been left out of the Calendar of the Popes, and yet nothing the better. Onuphrius Pamuinius of set purpose hath been hired to face out this matter, 
Truth it is, he wrote worthily for his hire, winning some credit, by adventuring his wits in a desperate cause.  and yet it is never the near. But this way proposed by your highness, is of far greater force and excellency, and of such singular weight & importance, that needs it must slack and qualify the slander, and very shortly bury the memory thereof in perpetual oblivion. For the hollow Porphirie stone, and that vain and vile image being gone, what remaineth to continue the remembrance thereof? Who can mislike this enterprise? Who ought to reprehend this proviso? Nay who dare resist such a worthy and apostolical action? 
A parls page for the Pope.  Then let it forthwith be executed, (most holy Lord) and let not the matter, that will be such a light and lamp to the Catholic faith, be any longer stayed or delayed. Are you all of this mind (said the Pope?) The Cardinals with one consent answered. Verum est, saluberrimum est, nemo nostrum refragatur. It is true, 

The Pope's judgement concerning the marble image.  
The marble image is brought into the Consistory.  
It is broken into pieces, and thrown into Tiber, together with the Porphirie stone.   it is good and wholesome counsel, none of us do withstand it. Then (quoth the Pope) let it forthwith be set upon: let the image be broken down, and no one piece thereof left behind. Let it be brought hither before us into the Consistory that we may see it defaced, and not be deceived in the doing of it. When the Pope had thus spoken, men were presently sent to break it down, and to bring it unto them in the Consistory, which they quickly dispatched, and did accordingly. When the Pope saw it, he said: strike it, batter it, break it in pieces like a potter's vessel, and cast it into Tiber together with the Porphirie stone: which was immediately done, according to his gracious will and commandment.  
This being done the Pope said to the Cardinals: it followeth now, that we come unto the third and last point: but the time is past, and therefore we will omit it till the afternoon: I command you therefore upon your fealty and obedience to Peter's chair, to our mother church, and to the catholic and Apostolic faith, that you fail not to appear here again in the afternoon by two of the clock, that we may finish and absolve the third point, as we have done the two former. Thus the Pope departed with a great and pompous train towards his Palace, the Cardinals followed him, and the most part of them dined with him: but Cardinal Allen went home to his own lodging, having some attendant upon him, to watch & see to him.  
After they had well fed and filled their bodies with many dainty cates and dishes, the Pope and all the Cardinals came again into the Consistory, and took their places as they had done before, when they were sat, the Pope thus Orator-like debated with them.  
In the forenoon (my lovely Cardinals) we discussed and contrived fully and effectually two points which I proposed unto you: 
The third point concerning the English Catholics.  Now it resteth that we proceed likewise to the third and last, which is, whether the English Catholics are to be maintained and farther retained, or else without longer delay, to be expelled and banished. I say, and say again, and maugre the stoutest champion that liveth I will defend, that they are justly to be banished, and I will produce for it such evident demonstrations, and allege such apparent reasons, that you likewise shall both say it, and swear it: what think you of it courageous Cardinals?  
Needs must we (said they) say and swear, as your holiness doth: especially since you are led thereto with many weighty and great reasons. I deny it (said Cardinal Allen:) if they be exiled, they shall not justly be exiled: I will never agree to it, Dum spiritus hos regit artus: while I live.  
Probo, probo, I will prove it (quoth the Pope:) yea, I will prove it so evidently, and show it so expressly that thou shalt not deny it, and therefore mark what I tell thee. Didst not thou persuade me in my last procession, to take my journey strait forth, and to pass by the marble image of Dame joane? I deny it not (said the Cardinal.) Note that (good Cardinals) quoth the Pope: you know what followed, and what a perilous agony I was driven into thereby: doth that deserve nought I pray? Nay farther, hast not thou detained money that I allowed unto thy countrymen? It is false, said the Cardinal. Be not so obstinate (quoth the Pope:) thine own countrymen have spoken and affirmed it. I doubt it, said the Cardinal. Thou shalt find it true (thou runagate) quoth the Pope. 
A proper kind of disputation.  Dost thou reprove me of a lie? O thou noisome baggage: Dost thou snufe and scorn my power and authority, and disdain my words, that be of force to throw thee down to the bottomless pit of hell? Have I deserved this at thine hands (thou banished brat?) well, well, thou shalt repent it, and that bitterly, for thou (thou cursed caterpillar) and thy cankered countrymen, have brought more charges to me, than any other nation: have caused more troubles and hurleburlies to me, than any other nation, and have deceived and cozened me more than any other Nation whatsoever. Trouble not your sanctity overmuch (said the Cardinal,) you cannot prove this you have spoken. I will prove it (thou scald beggar) quoth the Pope, and I will rightly prove it, and therefore hear me (good faithful Cardinals.) If there were no other thing that were of force lawful and reasonable, to make us reject and root out the English fugitives, yet the strange and noisome accident of the woman Pope joane, were sufficient both to accuse them of injury and infidelity towards the holy city of Rome, and also to expel them our of our regions and dominions for ever. 
Untruth, she was a Dutch woman.  for she was an English woman borne: and she it is, and none but she, that hath decayed and ruinated our high jurisdiction, and brought such a pestilent downfall to our Apostolic regiment, that I fear me, with all our art, cunning, and policy, it will not be amended. Shall we favour the stock and genealogy of them that have been such cracks and discredits to our power and authority? Shall we keep and maintain them, that have brought great persecution, horrible confusion and bloody massacres to our trusty and faithful servants? And shall not we eradicate and cut off those judases, which cleave to us, and to our faith, only for their own gain and refuge, and never do such homage, service and obedience to our worthiness, as is requisite and expedient for them? O most worthy Cardinals, look from the beginning that ever our religion was professed in England, and you shall see what small zeal, love, and affection it hath there received. And first look upon their kings and rulers, and you shall find them to be the very maules of the Roman bishops.  
Cambra the daughter of Belin, that married the Almain prince, made long and sharp war against this sacred city, and was like to spoil and sack it. So did Brennus the brother of Belin and others more, as we find it recorded. King William the Conqueror, 
Mathias Parisiensis. Anno. 1094.  upon displeasure conceived against the high bishop of Rome, said, that no archbishop or bishop of his realm, from thenceforth should have regard, either to the court of Rome, or to the bishop thereof. King William Rufus, 
Prohibition of going to Rome by king William Rufus. Anno 1098.  in his time would not suffer any of his subjects to go to Rome. What shall I speak of king Henry the third, who stayed the attempts of the Pope's Legate, and made open complaint by his Ambassador in the Council of Lions in France, of him and his exactions: of king Henry the eight, who first renounced this See, and the supreme pastor hereof: of king Edward the sixth, who was the first that utterly abolished all our superstition, and of the royal majesty of queen Elizabeth that now is, 

God long preserve her, and confounded all her enemies.  
A famous learned man, who wrote divers books and sundry invectives against the Pope, & reproved manifold abuses in the church of Rome.  
Laurence proved the Pope Antichrist, and Rome Babylon. An. 1290 Wickliff a very learned man, living in the reign of king Edward the 3.  
Anno. 1371. who first manifestly discovered the Pope, & maintained open disputation against him.  
Anno. 1581. Vide the Abridgement of the Acts and Monuments, pag. 285.   the illustrate lamp and Phoenix of all the world, the mother of Christian Princes, and the very Maul of me, and all my ceremonies? Look upon their bishops and doctors, and you shall find them to be blocks in our way, and the only subverters of our faith and dominion. What shall I tell you of Grosted, sometime bishop of Lincoln, who wrote divers invectives against the high bishop Innocentius the fourth, and reproved manifold abuses in the church of Rome, yea and said, that this old verse may be truly verified upon it.  
Eius avaritiae, totus vix sufficit orbis,  
Eius luxuriae, meretrix non sufficit una.  
The whole world doth scarce satisfy his covetousness, neither doth one harlot suffice for his lechery. I omit to tell you of Laurence, Wickliff, and an hundred other such, who proudly withstood the bishop of Rome, made open disputation against him, called him Antichrist, and Rome great Babylon. And as they have earnestly and eagerly withstood and oppugned us and our faith: so have they evil entreated, and cruelly handled the professors thereof. Here I might tell you of Becket, Moor, Roffensis, and many others, how bitterly they have been used by them, and what torments and tortures they have suffered for the profession of our faith. I will come to men of later and fresher memory, and to those which with a false cloak and counterfeit show, have deceived our holiness, and brought our religion into miserable contempt and obloquy. Who knoweth not the lewd pranks and knavery that Stukely that arrant vagabound, played of late with us? Who knoweth not the bold presumption, and devilish attempts of that mad and harebrained sacramentary, Richard Atkins, who rebuked the disorder of our lives, proudly and heretically with spleen and rancour, scorned, upbraided, and vilified this grounded rock of Peter, caught at the holy sacrament, as the priest was carrying it, to have thrown it down, and here in S. Peter's church, threw down the Chalice with the wine, and strived to have pulled the cake out of the priests hands. I could recite others unto you, as Nichols, Monday, with many more, who like perverse hypocrites dissembled to be constant Catholics, and made external show thereof, but afterwards returning to their own country, revolted, and wrote most cursed scandals and satirical invectives against us, and our Catholic faith, but for brevities sake I will omit them.  
Moreover, consider (I pray) this exactly, how long hath that land rejected and disallowed the Apostolic Roman religion, and the sincere professors thereof: and how vehemently doth it now root and ransack it, and the zealous favourers thereof? What land so much hindereth my proceedings, battereth down my title and supremacy, and overthroweth the glorious fame and benediction of the Roman Church? What land so much vexeth and annoyeth my sweet and sugared son, Philip king of Spain? What land so much helpeth and succoureth the king of Naverre fight now for the crown of France, 
God give him victory over his enemies, and quietly 'stablish him in his kingdom  against the holy leaguers, my well-beloved children, and devoted servants? What land every kind of ways, standeth so stoutly and strongly against us, and all our loving friends? Shall we harbour any inhabitants of that land? Shall we holder and secure such viperous broods, and maintain such rascal heretics and libertines? No, no, Ferro & flamma perdamus, 
Note the stomach and spleen of the Pope.  let us rather with fire and sword destroy them: let us no longer affect and fancy that rebellious nation: yea (noble Cardinals) let us go upon these adders and lions, and tread and trample them under our feet: let us curb and chastise them, and lay their honour in the dust: and in so doing, saluus erit Petrus: salva erit ecclesia catholica.  
Cardinal Allen seeing the Pope so malcontent, and in such extreme envy and enmity against him, and his countrymen, could no longer be silent, but this roundly unlaced his mind.  
Now do I find that true, which I counted but for a fable, that the greatest clerk be not commonly the wisest men. Now I see that to be an oracle, 
Polycraticon johannis Salisburiensis. lib. 6. cap. 26.  which heretofore I thought but a mere cavil, that Roma non tam matrem exhibet, quàm novercam: Rome showeth herself not so much a natural mother, as a stepmother, spoiling and devouring her children, when they think she most liketh and loveth them. Now do I know by experience, those words to be infallible verity, which that famous and learned doctor Erasmus used, speaking of the answer of Pope Innocentius unto the council of Carthage. 
Inter Epist. August. Epist. 91. Eras.  In hac Epistola, & dictionem, & ingenium, & eruditionem, tali Praesule dignam, cogimur desyderare. In this Epistle, we miss both eloquence and wit, and learning, meet for such a Prelate. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. O misery of mankind, I would my head were full of water, and mine eyes a fountain of tears. Is justice now turned to wormwood, good unto evil, sweet unto sour, and light into darkness? Are Catholics become cynics, Prelates become pilate's, Philosophers become 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and religious men become irreligious? Are small thieves (according to Socrates) led of great thieves to the gallows? and are the very heads and pillars of the church themselves drowned in corruption, and infected with many pestilent diseases? Why then, Nec Petrus, nec Paulus, quid ergo restat? Neither Peter nor Paul will help, what shall we do? And must the English Catholics be banished, 
They are justly served if they be so.  that have forsaken their country, their goods, and friends, for the Roman faith? Must they be expelled, who have been as faithful, loving, and trusty servants to the sea of Rome, as any other nation whatsoever? And must they be exiled that have adventured their lives, 
If you had been good subjects, you might have lived at home.  and hazarded themselves into millions of dangers for their zeal to their mother church, and to the professors thereof? Then let the Spanish, the French, the Irish, and the Scottish Catholics be likewise exiled and pact out of Rome: for they are as justly to be thus used as we, and as lawfully to be banished as we are, and this I will prove. But Quidlibet est quodlibet in suo genere (as the Logicians say:) therefore I will first of all answer the reasons that have been objected against us by my high Lord and bishop, lest in saying nothing I should seem to consent, and so be convicted.  

The Cardinal doth bestir himself to defend himself, & his countrymen.  The principal and chiefest thing that is laid against us, is the woman Pope, Dame joane, who maketh no more against us, than Lateran church doth when it hath one English man, or two in it. What though she was an English woman? (and yet it is doubtful whether she was so or no.) What though she was brought up in man's apparel? What though she was Pope of Rome, with child, and delivered thereof in procession? What spot and crime is this to us? What cause of banishment (I pray you heartily?) can we heal the sore or quiet the slander? Hath it been in our power to remedy the evil and assuage the mischief? Was not she five hundred years and more before this our time? Then truly, truly, we are for that no more to be banished then the French are, because their ancestors were sometime like to spoil and sack the Capitol: or the Italians are, because Petrus the head Captain of the city of Rome, with two Consuls and twelve Aldermen, and divers other nobles, gathering their powers together, laid hands upon Pope john the fourteenth, in the church of Lateran, and clapped him in prison eleven months.  
Whereas it is farther objected, that our kings, Magistrates, and rulers, have contemned and vilified the holy sea of Rome, and have very ill entreated the Popes themselves, with their Legates and faithful servants, and that none of our country have done such service, fealty, and obedience to this blessed chair of Peter, as it was meet and requisite for them: I will prove the contrary, and that by such clear and evident testimonies, that you shall see the objections against us, fly away as the night clouds before the sun. What one of all our kings, before the time of king Henry the eight, but did favour and fortify the holy Sea of Rome, did homage and dutiful obedience to it, and princely and honourably fought in defence of it, against the Turks and Infidels, and all other adversaries whatsoever? What a famous and singular king was Edgar? What a worthy maintainer of the catholic faith & doctrine? He builded for religious monks 48, monasteries, or (as some report) as many as be sundays in the year. Did not king Iua after he had ruled the West Saxons 37. years go to Rome, and become a Monk, resigning his kingdom to Ethelardus his Nephew? 
These kings became Monks.  Did not the Queen also Ethelburga become an Abbess, led thereto with great and pure devotion? Did not Ethereldus of Mercia, Kemedus of Mercia, Offa of East Saxons, Selly of East Saxons, and Sigebertus' king of East Angles, do the like? Have not many Queens, and kings daughters with other noble women become Nuns, for the zeal and love they had to the Apostolic faith of Rome? as Hilda, Ercheirgoda with her sister Ermenilda, 
These Queens became nuns.  Edelberga, Werburga, Kinreda, & Kinswida her sister, Elfleda, with many others. What shall I tell you of king Canutus, who went to this holy city on pilgrimage, and founded here an hospital for English pilgrims, and had such love and hearty affection to it, that he gave to the Pope many precious gifts, and burdened his land with a yearly tribute, called the Romeshot. I could tell you of many more, but for brevity I will overslip them. What shall I speak of many other excellent men which England hath nourished and fostered, who have refused no pains, and forsaken no perils for the glory and advancement of the Sea Apostolic of Rome? 

He wrote a book against him, called Opus scintillaerum.  
Weakly and simply God knoweth, as is to be seen. Traitors and conspirators.   Shall I tell you of Lanfrancus bishop of Canterbury, that confuted the sacramentary heresy of Berengarius: of the learned Abbot Petrus Cluniacensis, that convicted the doctrine of the Peterbrusians: of Thomas Walden, a most learned man, that wrote against Wickliff: of the holy Bishop Fisher, that learnedly refuted Luther, & Oecolampadius? Shall I tell you of Cardinal Poole, Gardiner, Martin, and of others of later memory, as Saunders, Cope, Bristol, Dorman, Parsons, Morton, and of an hundred more, all which have been such worthy proctors, and singular champions for the Catholic religion, that no other Country hath yielded and brought forth the like? For as that nation first received the faith from Rome, so those which are not fallen into the damnable beresies of the Hugonetes, and other secrataries, do reverence and obey the same, and for their conscience will abide any cross and tribulation whatsoever. Saint Eleutherius Pope and Martyr, the first Apostle of Britain, preached in that land by Damianus & Fugatius, within little more than 100 years after Christ's death. Gregory the great, that holy Pope, caused to be preached to the English nation, by Augustinus, Melitus, and other holy priests: although the gospelers that be there now deny this, and say, that as well the report of Eleutherius, as also of Augustine, that the one was the first Apostle of the Britons, the other of the English is untrue: and blindly hold, that the faith was not first preached there by them, 
the Gospel came into England from the East, and not from Rome.  but either by joseph of Arimathaea, or by S. Paul the Apostle passing that way into Spain, or by Simon Zelotes, or by the Greeks, or some others.  
But the English only you say, and none but they do hinder and annoy your sacred and ghostly proceedings, and also subvert the good and gracious attempts of all your friends & most loyal children. What is this to us? They are gone from us, they are not of us, they are none of our fold, they are given over to Satan: we have forsaken them, we have no society with them, we defy, damnify & detest them: we revolt not, nor once so much as waver: we stick wholly and solely, 
A very hot and earnest proctor.  firmly & freely to the ancient Roman doctrine, and so we will do, come life, come death, come heaven, come hell, come fire, come sword, come any cross or loss whatsoever. Shall we be for this our love & tender affection rejected? shall we be lopped off from this fruitful vine, as unprofitable & unsavoury branches? shall we be banished, and yet justly convicted of no crime or offence that deserveth it? If we be, we must take it patiently: but truly we will say and say again, iniusta noverca: summum ius summa iniuria, an unnatural mother: great right, great injury. The Pope perceiving his vehement allegations, & his tediousness therein, interrupted him with this chat. Cease thy babbling (Cardinal:) leave off thy and's and ifs, & tittle tattles I know not what: iwis, all not worth a blue point: much a do and little help, fat feeding and lean cattle.  Hei misero pingui macer est tibi taurus in aruo. 
Thou kickest against the prick, and castest water into the sea, and showest thyself not a Cardinal but a caitiff, not a catholic but a schismatic, not an obedient child, 
A grave and discreet reasoning of a Pope.  but a bastardly and beggarly brat, so much to canvas and cancel my words, to spurn at my celestial and lawful proceedings, and to go about to repel and obliterate my good purpose and determination. Hast thou forgotten nosce teipsum, know thyself? Hast thou clean abjured my majesty and authority, my bell, book and candle? Can I err or be deceived, or utter any thing that is not legitimate & hallowed? What shall I say to him, reverend Cardinals? nay what shall I not say to him? But I see his infirmity, therefore I will say no more to him, but do the deed. What say you to it? speak shortly together: are not the English lawfully to be banished? The Cardinals forthwith replied: what more lawful and right? That which pleaseth your holiness is authentic, and not to be any longer urged or denied: your will be done here in earth, as it is in heaven & Purgatory. 
The English banished from Rome. Sarcinas colligite Angli.  Then quoth the Pope, Sic volo, sic jubeo, I will & command it so, but after this manner. Let proclamation now presently be made in all parts of this city, that all English Catholics of what state or calling soever they be, whether they be men, women, or children, do come to morrow to S. Peter's church, by nine of the clock in the forenoon, there to hear solemn mass, & afterwards to departed away with bag & baggage, & such goods as they have, into such countries as they shall think best: but not to inhabit or remain within Italy, or any province thereof, upon pain of my curse & farther displeasure. 
Notable pillars of the Pope indeed  The Cardinals answered, Blessed are your words, & supernatural be your cogitations: your divine commandment with all reverence shallbe executed. So the Pope arose, & went to his Palace, but the Cardinals tarried somewhat longer behind, taking order for the proclamation: which being done, they went to their lodgings, & Cardinal Allen with his accustomed guard went to his, where we will leave him marvelously distempered, yet somewhat busily occupied in making ready his trunks, his Mules, & other necessaries for the next day. The Proclamation being published, good God how the English catholics marveled & muttered at it, not knowing what should be the cause thereof. 
The English greatly grieved with their banishment.  Some wept for sorrow, some raged and roared like men at their wit's end, some fell sick for sorrow, & every one was not a little dismayed, taking it both hardly & heavily. Great was their grief, strange was their cry, & wonderful their complaint: and one above the rest, contemning the Pope, & not brooking the injury, took his pen in hand, and wrote these verses, and cast them that night into the Pope's Palace.  
Papè, proh papa perut pax, palma pudorque:  
Praepinguis perstat princeps, pastorque peculí.  
Pseudopapa procul properato, pontificales  
Putres pessunda, prospecta, ponito pyris.  
Protomysta pedes premito, pampilla, paletum,  
Pausa paulisper, panchrestaque provida phraende.  
Proijce prosedas, pressuras, proditiones,  
Praelia praesertim, praerancida pragmata passim.  
Posterga (praesul) phantasmata, pulpita, pupas,  
Picturas, pedicas, putorem, praestigiasque,  
Pellito praesignem pompam, popasque, popinas,  
Pestiferam petram, peltam, patinasque phalernum,  
Pro praedis pravis, plenas persoluito poenas.  
Proh, pests, praxim, pugnas píceasque propulsa,  
Posce preces puras, pietatem porrige puram.  
Plebeis populis praesis, prosisque potentèr.  
Pensicula plagas Papatus, prolwiumque:  
Pasce pecus planè, plenè pete praedia petri.  
Portentosa patris postmitte piacula Pluti.  
Propitio placido pro pneumaete, pace precare.  
An other also being as malcontent as the former, wrote these Sapphics following 

Sancte Grégori potius sceleste,  
Turges Grégori (malesane papa,)  
Perperàm tanta rabie, furore,  
Bile, Britannis?   

Quod scelus (quaeso) facinus quod illis?  
Non tui servi fuerint fideles?  
Exulant ergo sine lege Roma  
Pignora chara?   

Tun' fidem Petri retines beatam?  
Tun' tenes petram cathedramque Petri?  
Vanitas. sellam Sathanae superbi  
jure capessis.   

jure tu Daemon, Deus ipse nullo  
jure: pessundas, violasque iura:  
jura quae toto Dominus colenda  
Tradidit orb.   

Roma Grégori fugiemus? Esto.  
An tuos Anglos relegabis? Esto.  
Tunc vale scortum Babilonis, (excors Papa) valeto.   When the next day was come wherein they should appear in Saint Peter's church, they (according to their holy father's commandment) resorted thereto, and there heard divine mass, offering to our Lady and to Saint George, 
Babble a good, or else neither S. George nor our Lady will hear you. Cardinal Allens oration to his countrymen.  and praying them, that they would change and convert the mind of the Pope, that they might continue in their College and places as they had done tofore. When they had so done, Cardinal Allen called them together and spoke thus: I need not tell you (my dear and loving countrymen) what the cause is, that we are commanded hither. You know I am sure by the proclamation yesterday, that we are this day to be banished, according to the edict and decree of our holy Lord, Gregory the xiv. and his Cardinals: the cause why (I promise you faithfully) I know not, neither any of you do know, as I conjecture: which is no small grief and dolour unto us: what shall we do (good countrymen?) Can you invent no way to remedy the matter, or at least to pacify it for a while until farther deliberation? They answered, we know none. Then (quoth the Cardinal) what say you to this? Some of the gravest and most substantial of you shall go with a Supplication to our holy father. We are content, said they, if it may any whit further us. You shall (quoth the Cardinal) carry with you a thousand Florins, 
A Florene is an Italian crown, of the value of iiij. s. vj. d. ste. Roma dat omnia, omnia dantibus.  and bestow it upon his holiness: three hundred of the which I myself will give, and the rest shall be collected among you. This much we will not only now, but yearly hereafter give unto him, so that we may have licence and security here to inhabit, and this (no doubt) will do the deed, and accomplish our desire. jacta est alea (said they) we like it well, let it be performed. Then they gathered the money, and did put it together, and went with it to the Pope, and gave him their supplication, the tenor whereof was after this manner.  

The English men's supplication to the Pope.  In most humble and obedient wise complain unto your holiness, your poor afflicted and desolate servants the English Catholics. Whereas it hath pleased your Highness, together with your reverend Cardinals for to renounce us, to pronounce us exiles and banished, & to cause a proclamation thereof yesterday to be published, that we should all this day appear at S. Peter's church by nine of the clock, and from thence directly to take our passage: we have accomplished (as we are most bounden) your good and gracious commandment, and we are all there present to attend your pleasure & authority. May it please you to have some fatherly pity and compassion upon us, that are far from our native country, and to tender our cases so much, that we may continued as we have done heretofore, or else have some longer abode within your holy city of Rome. We offer ourselves prostrate under the feet of your holiness with all that we are, 
Wonderful submission in the English.  and that we have. Save us, kill us, call us, recall us, approve us, reprove us, as you shall please: your voice (the voice of Christ in you speaking) we will acknowledge and reverence: if we have deserved exile, we are contented: if death shall be laid upon us, it shall be most sweet and welcome: whatsoever your pleasure and arbitrement is or shallbe of us, we reckon it an heavenly felicity. We have brought with us a thousand Florins to bestow upon your holiness: and we have all agreed, consented and concluded together, to pay so much yearly unto you, if so be we may have your sacred licence & permission to remain within this City. Accept therefore we beseech you, this our petition: weigh and ponder our estate in an equal balance: let not the sentence of banishment go against us: and in so doing, you shall find us as true & faithful unto you, & as loving & trusty children, as any nation in Europe.  
When the Pope had seen this supplication, and perceived the thousand Florins, that they would then presently and yearly after give unto him: Bos in lingua, 
The Florins pacified the Pope's anger.  his anger was somewhat mitigated, and the sound and profound father was wholly satisfied. For the florence were the fragrant flowers that he desired, the Saints that he honoured, the fishes that he angled for, and the texts of scripture that he studied upon: yet to colour and cloak the matter he spoke this roundly unto them.  
My friends, your suit is cold, & your petition in vain. 
Note the hypocrisy of the Pope.  That which hath been ratified, confirmed, and concluded by me and my Cardinals, cannot eftsoons be interdicted, or dissolved, Sic Petrus, sic jubet Ecclesia: there is now no remedy. Facta transacta omnia: The tide is past, & the market ended: yet because you shall know that I am your sovereign Lord and governor, & one that would gather his children together, as the hen doth her chickens, stay here a while, & I will send with you one of my Secretaries to the rest of your company, and he shall declare unto you more amply and fully my will, pleasure, and determination. So he caused one of his Secretaries to come unto him, & taking him aside, he showed him his intent and purpose concerning the English Catholics, willing & commanding him to go with them to S. Peter's church, to receive their money, & to give them a quietus est, a full pardon and remission of their sins, and permission to return again to their houses and mansions. The Secretary went with them, and uttered this solemn Oration unto them.  

The Secretary's oration to the English men.  My dear friends and good brethren, comfort yourselves, & be of good cheer: for the case I can tell you is altered, & you are again received into favour & benediction. How highly is God to be praised for that he hath provided for his flock so good a shepherd, & for his Church so wise & prudent a Pastor as Gregory is. How greatly are you bound to him, who being Christ's vicar & chief deputy, Peter's successor, 
A worthy substitute, & clawback for the Pope.  the Doctor of all Doctors, the father of all fathers, and the master & teacher of all the world, so graciously provideth for the health and welfare of his servants, and carefully seeketh to advance and promote the Catholic Roman religion. O how lovely and lovingly doth he tender the cases of you English Catholics, & how mercifully hath he dealt with you? He hath pardoned your offences, and forgiven your transgressions, he hath sent me unto you with his quietus est, with his Indulgence, and full absolution of your sins, yea, and with his sacred favour & toleration to remain in your former places and habitations.  
Therefore Alleluya, praise ye our Lord: return back again, and do your duties accordingly. Having ended this speech, the Englishmen thinking to have an explodite, gave a great plaudite, and said, 
The English return to their vomit and to their wallowing in the mire.  Vivat Gregorius, Dominus Deus noster. The secretary received the Florins, and took his leave of them, returning to the sweet side of blessed Gregory: the English fugitives returned back again with no small joy and contentation, being very shortly afterwards sworn again to the Roman faith, and commanded to fast twice a week in remembrance thereof, for the space of seven years.  
FINIS.   

THE ANATOMY OF POPE JOAN, WHEREIN HER LIFE, MANNERS and death is lively laid abroad and opened, and the forged cavils and allegations, that our adversaries use for her, thoroughly unripped and confuted: Necessary for all those that are not fully acquainted with the story, and not unfruitful to all them that love and embrace the true religion of Christ, and abhor the sottish illusions of Romish Antichrist.   printer's or publisher's device ANCHORA SPEI 
Imprinted at London by Richard Field dwelling in the Blackfriar's near Ludgate. 1591.   

TO THE REASONABLE READER.  
THou hast here mine Anatomy of Pope joane briefly comprised: if not cunningly as it ought, blame mine insufficiency: if not as an expert Chirurgeon, impute the fault to want of skill, and not of good will. Howbeit, errare fortassis possim, haereticus esse non possum. The matter hereof is so manifest, that cornu copiae were needless to polish it, and the truth so evident, that the Pumistone of exquisite and superficial eloquence would not have been requisite to flourish and smooth it. Read therefore willingly, judge indifferently, and correct friendly. Let reason rule thee, authority move thee, and truth enforce thee. And let us both pray together, that the truth may be maintained, all errors confounded, and Gods name glorified. Farewell.   

THE ANATOMY OF POPE JOAN.  

CHAP. I. How our adversaries the Papists are ashamed of Pope joane, and how some of them do peremptorily deny the story thereof.  
AS the scriptures are plain to prove, the doctors and learned father's plentiful to testify: so many and great are the signs and tokens which the Lord from time to time hath shown, that Rome is Babylon, the Pope Antichrist, the abomination of desolation, the archenimy of Christ, 
2. Thess. 2.4.  and that man of sin, which lifteth himself above all that is called God. Among which none surely is more lively and evident, and more to be weighed and considered, then that of Pope joane, which is such a notable precedent and singular demonstration thereof, that no man (unless wholly possessed of sathan, and a verier beast than ever was Nabuchadnezar) will doubt or put any diffidence therein. This is that which is the only eyesore, and biting corrosive to our adversaries, which pulleth down their proud peacocks feathers, and battereth their paper walls clean to the ground. This is that which grieveth them to the galls, and pricketh them to the quick, which overwhelmeth them with horror, and drowneth them top and tail in shame and dishonour. 
Euseb. lib. 10. cap. 14. Superati pudore, & adoperti confusione discedunt.  For as the shameful and detestable end of Arrius, was such a terror and cooling card to his adherents, that they went away hushed, overcome with shame, and covered with confusion: so the strange event of Pope joane and her opprobrious death, is such a torment and torture unto them, that in their own consciences they are stinged and accused, and compelled to cry: 
Esay. 1.21.  Quomodo facta est meretrix urbs fidelis? How is that faithful City become a strumpet? 
Anton. Par 2. Tit. 16. cap. 1.7  Antoninus the Archbishop of Florence, when he had opened this whole story of Pope joane, was so astonished with the strangeness and admiration of the matter, that he cried out: O altitudo Sapientiae, & Scientiae Dei: quam incredibilia sunt judicia eius? O the depth of the wisdom and knowledge of God, how incredible be his judgements?  


A story writer, living in the time of king Edward the son of Egelred, and Emma.  
See Marianus printed at Basill, colluma. 407. Sub anno dom. 854. The author corrupted. Psal. 145.17.   Marianus Scotus, perceiving what a deep downfall and ruin this brought to the Sea of Rome, and that God would have such a matter openly known, to the everlasting detestation both of the person and place, writeth thus: Propter turpitudinem rei, & muliebrem sexum, Authores Pontificij huius Iohannae nomen non ponunt. Both for the shame of the matter, and also for the woman kind, the Popish Chronicles leave out the name of Pope joane. Can there be a more manifest token then this, both of great corruption of manners, and of dissolution of life? Can there be a more infallible argument of open horror and filthiness, in that only Sea above all others? Surely, surely, the Lord is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works, and all his judgements are done in truth and equity. But our adversaries have a figgeleafe to cover this shame, and think by that, to shift and face out the matter, and to pass away invisible in a cloud. They flatly deny that there was ever any Pope joane in Rome, 
A proper figleaf of our adversaries to cover Dame joane  yea they stoutly & sturdily defend it, and say, that it is a fond and vain fable, a lie, and a tale invented of malice & stomach against them. Soft, and fair, my Masters: your figgeleafe is dry and withered, and not worth a rotten fig, for it doth uncover your shame, show your nakedness, and bewray your treachery, and dastardnes in the cause. You can not bridle the flowing Seas, nor blind the Sunbeams, you have as great an advantage by the denying of it, 
Euseb. lib. 3.21  as the Ebionites had by denying S. Paul's Epistles, and calling him an Apostata of the law. But can you prove it so? Alas you can not: for your own Doctors and Proctors, have written and related it so plainly and pithily, that you must needs (unless you clip their credits, and deface them) confess it. 
johan. 8. mulier ut fertur. Testimonies for the proof of Pope joan ut dicitur.  Martinus Polonus the Pope's Penitentiary, and a Monk of the order of Cisterce, who lived about the year of our Lord 1320. hath written and reported it: So hath Platyna in johann 8. Sabellicus, Enneadis 9 lib. 1. Marianus Scotus. Ravisius Textor in Officina. Antoninus the Archbishop of Florence. Supplementum Chronicorum. Chronica Chronicorum. Fasciculus temporum, and others more. Are all these liars and tale tellers? Are the writings of all these men fabulous and untrue? I trust you will not say so. Then give place unto the truth, and kick not still against the spur: for the truth is great, 
3. Esdr. 4.  and will prevail, and will ye, nill ye, it will conquer. Deny not such a miraculous token, showing as it were in a glass, the corruption and abomination of the Roman Church, and of the Pope thereof, the open adversary of God, and the abomination standing in the holy place. Acknowledge and confess it, and let the remembrance thereof work such repentance and remorse in you, that you may renounce your errors, abjure your heresies, forsake the kingdom of darkness, and serve the Lord in true holiness and righteousness.   

CHAP. II. How some of our adversaries go about to excuse and shift the matter, by possibility of nature, saying, that Pope joane might be Hermaphroditus, that is, a man and woman both in one.  
THe Lion is known by his claws, the leopard by his spots, and our adversaries by their perverse & corrupt dealing to defend Pope joane, and to colour her filthiness and abomination withal: wherein as many of them have toiled and moiled not a little, so especially hath one Cope our Countryman, an earnest Proctor for the Pope and his Prelates, who writing of this matter, saith thus:  
Neque hic ego quicquam dico de Hermaphroditis & 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, 
Dialogo. 1. Pag. 47.  de quibus veterum libri pleni sunt. I will here say nothing of such persons, as be called Hermaphroditi, and are both man and woman all in one, whereof in old writers we find much mention.  
Meaning thus in effect, that the Pope might be Hermaphoditus, an Herkinalson, that is to say, a man and a woman both in one: and thinking by this means somewhat handsomely to excuse and shift the matter. Gentle stuff for the nonce; and worthy divinity for such a Roman courtier. What toy is there so vain and ridiculous, and what excuse so childish and frivolous, which they will not force to serve their turn? 
ovid. Meta. 4. Salmacis fons semiviros facit.  The Pope may be a man and a woman both in one very likely, for he might peradventure wash himself in the fountain Salmacis in Caria, and be made half a man: or he might perchance embrace a woman as the Nymph did, 
Metam. 4.49.  finding Hermaphroditus the son of Mercurius and Venus naked, and desire of the gods as she did, that of them two might be made one body. Is not this Catholic Theology, and apostolic discipline meet for a Roman champion? Is not this credible and to be justified? Yes no doubt, for the Pope that is a God & above Angels, may transform himself if it please him, 
Cor. Agrippade Occul. Philosophia. lib. 1. cap. 45.  as well as Proteus, Periclimenus, Achelous, and Metra the daughter of Erisichtho, and may & can do greater miracles than these: for in his hands is heaven, hell, and purgatory, he hath all the earth at his commandment, all the saints at his commandment, yea, and all the devils too if need be. Therefore a small matter it was for him, and the least miracle of a thousand, to make himself a man and a woman both in one. What cursed doctrine is this? alas what a childish and silly excuse is this, to cover Dame joanes infamy, and to bring her to some credit in the world? O miserable and fantastical imaginations, of very heathen Atheists & Apistes not allowed nor maintained. 
〈…〉  For shame, for very conscience sake, for the regard of the world, and for fear of God's heavy wrath, reject such foolish dreams and ceremonies, and uphold no longer such blind and vain excuses, in defence of that which is so well and perfectly known to the world, and which is such a clear light, and plain signification of sacrilege, superstition and idolatry in the Roman sea. Let not Antichrist any longer deceive you, nor the Romish Babylon infect you with her poisoned cups. 
jerem. 2.13.  Damn not up the springs of the water of life, nor break up puddles of your own, such as are able to hold no water, but serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice unto him with reverence; embrace his word, love him, and put your whole trust in him: than you shall be his people, and sheep of his pasture, than your leaf shall not whither, yea and then look whatsoever you shall do, it shall prosper.   

CHAP. III. How some say, that the Pope being a man, may afterwards be changed into a woman.  
GReat is the subtlety, and marvelous is the craft that Satan useth to drown men in heresy, to thrust them headlong into sin and perdition, and to make them obstinately wallow and welter therein. He will provide for them such fine excuses: he will get for them such starting holes and defences, that they shall think themselves secure, to be in the right way, and to stand upon good and firm ground, when it is far otherwise: yea he will leave no means unassayed to keep them in his subjection, and to make them drunken with their own erroneous opinions. This may be perceived in none more perspicuously then in the Papists, and in no one thing more apparently, then in their defence of Pope joane, whom the devil hath so bewitched, so blinded, and so wedded to their own selfewilles, that to cover her deformity, and to paint it out with some colour to the world, they have spread themselves again as the heavens, and left no way unattempted. Wherefore let us go further, and see more of their dealing, and more of their fetches in the matter: and let us come again to Cope, and see what a good and ghostly Master he is for his Dame joane. After he had said, that the Pope might be an Hermaphroditus; he resteth not there, but going further, he forceth Ovid's Metamorphosis to serve his turn, and saith, that the Pope being a man, may be changed into a woman: for these be his words. Et ne à nostri temporis memoria longius abeam, non ignoro monumentis literarumesse traditum. Mulierem quandam nomine Aemyliam Antonio Spensae, Civi Eubulano nuptam, post duodecimum à nuptijs annum in virum transijsse. Legi etiam alteram multerem, ubi puerum peperisset, in marem fuisse mutatam.  
But not to go farther than the remembrance of our own time: I know that it is written that a certain woman named Emylia, married unto one Antonius spensa a Citizen of Eubulum, ten years after she had been married, was turned into a man. I have likewise read of another woman, that when she had been brought a bed, afterwards became a man. Certes this is strange for a man to be turned into a woman: but all things well considered, it is nothing strange at all. For the Pope hath all laws and knowledge within his breast, and whatsoever he be, he is holy, and immaculate, and can work no small wonders. May not he change himself into sundry shapes, as well as jupiter, Mercury, Apollo, and other of the Gods? May not he be changed into a woman as well as Tiresias was: 
Metam. lib. 3. Pontanus.  or as well as Caietana and Aemilia into men? Yes doubtless, for he is far above them, and can do much more than ever they could. Therefore master Copes surmise, that the Pope may be changed into a woman, is very Catholic and substantial, and fit for such a pregnant and illuminate doctor. But fie for shame, what a sottish excuse is this? What a vain illusion and Maygaine? Is there no better shift nor surer refuge than this? Is there no thicker cloud to spread over the matter with more likelihood? Then who seeth not the bondage of Egypt: who sees not the spiritual Babylon, and the madness of them that commit spiritual fornication with her? Better it had been, and the safer way by a great deal, simply and plainly to have confessed it, then by a miracle to turn the Pope from a man into a woman, and that which is worst of all, obstinately to defend it. For now every one doth see, that you had liefer be filthy still, then leave off your filthiness, and had rather (because you love your vices) Excusare, quàm excutere, Excuse them, then forsake them: and as many as in spirit and truth do love the Lord, do mourn for grief, to see men carried so headlong with such godless and reckless imaginations.   

CHAP. FOUR How they have left out Pope joanes name out of their Calendar: and how they have hired Onuphrius Pamuinius of set purpose to face out the matter.  
SOme of our adversaries take this Enthememe for an infallible argument: 
An Enthememe of our adversaries to deny Pope joane.  Dame joane is not registered in the Calendar among the Popes: Ergo it is but a vain fable that ever dame joane was Pope in Rome. The consequent is very simple, & not to be granted, because it is well known, that the bishop's names as well in Rome, as in other places, have upon sundry occasions been oftentimes quite stricken out of the Calendar. But dame joanes name (they say) is not in their Calendar. It may be so: & wherefore I pray? Martinus Polonus, one of their own sworn brothers, doth tell us. johanna (saith he) non ponitur in Catalogo Pontificum tam propter muliebrem sexum, quàm propter deformitatem facti. Pope joane is not reckoned in the Calendar of the holy Popes, as well for that she was a woman, as also for very shame of the matter.  
The like doth Sabellicus set down. 
Ennead. 9 lib. 1 Pag. 469.  Nullus defunctae honor habitus: fama tenet, ob tam foedae rei memoriam. There was no honour bestowed at her burial: the report is, for the remembrance of her filthy act. By this we see, that the name of Pope joane was not put into the Calendar of the Popes, partly because she was a woman, & specially, because she was a woman of such a filthy life, & vicious behaviour. 
In Scholijs in Platynam.  Therefore this reason of our adversaries is a blind conjecture, & of no force. But (they say) Onuphrius Pamuinius upon Platina, hath truly & learnedly written hereof: & he that list to read that discourse of his, shall easily believe the whole matter to be fabulous. Truth it is, that such a one indeed hath of late written thereof, and beaten his brains not a little to help out this matter, but all in vain: for he was one of the Pope's Parasites, hired and procured by him only for that business. His book was printed in Venice, and plausibly accepted of his friends and well-willers: but the stuff that he hath brought in there, to make the world believe, that there was never any Pope joane in Rome, is such trash & so ridiculous, that it will grieve a good Christian in his heart, to read and see it.  
Quid non mentiri, vel quid non protinus audet  
Fingere mortale ingenium, ut sibi maior eundi  
In praeceps pateat via, liberiorque potestas  
Peccandi detur, minus & peccata pudoris  
In se contineant?  
This is the craft and policy of the Pope, to hire & procure men to smooth and soothe his matters, and to face and grace out his impieties, with many forged lies & false suppositions: thinking by that means, to dazzle men's eyes, and to make them believe they be true, godly, and apostolical. This have many popish Pages of late done, 
Most impudent and notorious railers and liars  and especially Amphilochius, Onuphrius, Surius, and Hieronimus Bolsecus, one that hath used most shameless railing, most vile, spiteful, and horrible lies and cavils, with an immoderate and uncivil bitterness, proceeding from the unsavoury and unquiet humour of his heart, against the godly and reverend ministers of the gospel, Caluin, Beza, with others more. God of his mercy grant, that they may repent and amend their lives, renounce their damnable errors, forsake their cursed slanders, and not adventure their wits in such desperate causes. For, Nemo periculosiùs peccat, quàm qui peccata defendit. No man sinneth with more danger, than he that standeth in defence of sin.   

CHAP. V What year of the Lord Pope joane lived in Rome. How long she was Pope: and between what Popes she was.  

Herodotus.  Xerxes' the great king of Persia, when he brought over his huge army into Grecia, sent out his letters of defiance, unto the great mount Athos that is in Macedonia, and commanded him to stand still, and not to stir a foot, nor to work any displeasure, either to himself, or to his army. Even by like authority, and with as good discretion, the Pope and his hirelings, have done with dame joane, who being able no kind of way, to colour or cloak her sufficiently, have sent out their letters and defiance to all Countries and Regions that perfectly know her, commanding them not once to spurn or kick against her, nor so much as to make any record or mention of her. But let them wrestle and wrangle so much as they will, let them curse & defy while they list, and let Onuphrius, and all the rabble rout of them do what they can, the truth thereof will never be forgotten: it is and will be absolutely known, to the utter confusion of proud Antichrist, and to the everlasting execration of all the popish and peevish synagogues. For although they have left the name of Pope joane out of the Calendar of the bishops of Rome, only for shame, 
What the cause was, that they have left Pope joane out of their Calendar.  lest it should appear in records that a woman, & such a woman had been bishop of Rome, or that the bishop of Rome had been with child: and although they never cease to bolster and bungle up the matter, sometime with this shift, sometime with that, sometime affirmatively, sometime negatively: yet so many Chronicles would not have recorded it, nor so many men would have written it, nor the world would so universally have believed these things of that Pope, more than of any other, had it not been true, credible, and verity. For where I pray begun the history of her first? In Rome. From what place was it first published abroad into the world? From Rome. What be they that have written and declared it? The trusty friends of Rome: yea the great authentical doctors and commissioners of the Pope, have described and avouched it, some living four hundred years ago, some five hundred, who have ever been counted famous fathers in Rome, and worthy of no small authority and reverence. What year of our Lord was dame joane Pope in Rome? As they have written, 853. How long was she in the Popedom? As they have written, two years, one month, and four days. Betwixt what Popes was she? As they themselves have written, between Leo the fourth, and Benedict the third. Seeing then that our adversaries own friends and Proctors have written and related it, and so plainly and expressly shown it, I marvel much with what faces any of them can deny it, or go about to excuse it.   

CHAP. VI What Pope joanes name was, how she was not borne in England, but at Mentz in Germany, and how she came to Rome, and to the Popedom.  
MAny there be (I know) and those our own countrymen, who think and believe dame joane to be an English woman borne. I can conjecture no other thing to be the cause hereof but report only, being for the most part more common than true, 
The cause why Pope joane is thought to be an English woman borne.  and especially because in many authors entreating of this matter, is found, johannes Anglicus, or johannes de Anglia, which seemeth unto them to be translated, john an English man, or john of England. Because I would have all those that be not as yet truly certified and resolved herein, to agree together and rightly to believe this point, I will declare unto them the truth of the matter, 
Why she was called joane English.  according to the opinions of the best and most approved writers. She was called joane English by the surname of her father, and borne at Mentz in Germany. Martinus Polonus the Pope's ghostly Penitentiary, discoursing at large of this matter affirmeth the same, for thus he writeth. johannes Anglicus, natione Maguntinus, sedit annos duos, mensem unum, dies quatuor, etc. john English (so surnamed) borne at Mentz, sat in the Roman Sea two years, one month, and four days. Theodoricus Niemus also, sometime the Pope's Secretary, and therefore had good cause to know the truth hereof, doth lively paint out the whole matter, and expressly showeth the same. Et fuit mulier de Maguntia nata, quae studuit Athenis sub virili habitu: & in tantum profecit in artibus, ut tandem veniens Romam per biennium in schola Artes liberales legerit: & adeo sufficiens fuit, ut etiam Maiores & Nobiles urbis eius lectiones frequenter audiverint. Et postea eligitur in Papam etc.  
And there was joane a woman, borne at Mentz, and had studied at Athens in the apparel of a man, and had so profited in the Arts, that at last coming to Rome, two years together she professed the liberal Sciences in a School. And her gift in teaching was such, that the Elders and Nobles of the City resorted often to hear her read. Afterward she was chosen Pope, etc. We need not cite any more testimonies for farther proof hereof: 
Pope joane a Dutchwoman borne.  these two do manifestly show, that she was a Dutchwoman borne, and not called joane English by the name of the Country, for that she was an English woman borne in England (as many imagine) but only by the surname of her father. For who knoweth nor that there are many at this day called by the names of Scot, Irish, French, Welsh, Norman, Gascoigne Holland, and yet not borne in any of these Countries, but only in England. Therefore it is true, and without all doubt, that Pope joane was not borne in England but in Germany. Notwithstanding some there be (whose authority is very credible and sufficient) that say her name was Gilberta, 
Her right name was Gilberta, but called joane the eight. Pope joane was a student at Athens.  and called joan the eight: who likewise affirm, that she was a Dutch-woman of Mentz, and went with an English Monk, out of the Abbey of Fulda to Athens, in man's apparel. Well, truth it is, that she was in the young years of a girl brought to Athens, by one that was her lover in man's apparel. There she studied, and profited so much in diverse sciences, that none were found to be compared with her. This is not strange, 
Women brought up in men's apparel, and taken for men.  nor much to be marveled at: For Ravisius Textor in Officina, writeth the like of one Marina, that dissembling what she was, lived many years in an Abbey as a Monk: & of Lasthenia, Axiothea, and others, that being women, came into the School in man's apparel to hear Plato. The like doth many others writ of Euphrosyna that holy maid, that dwelled 36. 
Pope joane came to Rome. She was created Pope of Rome. Her behaviour in that high office. A most lively precedent of the whorish Sea.  years in Monks apparel among Monks, and was never otherwise taken then for a Monk.  
From Athens she came to Rome, and there professed learning openly, and had great Doctors to her Scholars, and for opinion of learning and good life by one consent of all, was made Pope: being in this high and glorious seat, she behaved herself so orderly, and discharged that supernal office so absolutely, that she was with child, and as she went in Procession delivered thereof, and so died. Thus was the Pope of Rome, who is such a parls fellow that he can not err, a woman with child, delivered in procession, dead openly in the streets, and buried without any honour or solemnity. God give all Christians grace by this example to beware of the Antichristian and babylonical Pope, to renounce him, and all his errors, to reject him and all his Parasites, and to see the truth and that blessed hope whereunto they have been called, so as they may glorify him alone, who is the true God, and also that same jesus Christ whom he sent down to us from heaven, to whom with the Father, and the holy Ghost be given all honour and glory everlastingly, Amen.    
FINIS.