john and joan: OR, A mad couple well met.  
To the tune of the Paratour.  
 

YOu nine Castalian Sisters  
that keep Parnassus' hill,  
Come down to me,  
and let me been  
inspired with your skill,  
That well I may demonstrate,  
a piece of household stuff,  
you that are wed  
mark what is said,  
Beware of taking snuff.   

A mad fantastic couple,  
a young man and a Lass,  
with their content  
and friends consent  
resolved their times to pass  
As man and wife together,  
and so they married were,  
of this mad match  
I made this Catch,  
which you that please may hear.   

They both had imperfections,  
which might have caused strife  
the man would swear,  
and dominéere,  
so also would his wife.  
If john went to one Alehouse,  
joan ran unto the next,  
betwixt them both  
they made an oath,  
That neither would be next.   

What ever did the good man  
his wife would do the like,  
if he was pleased  
she was appeased,  
if he would kick, shéeed strike.  
If quean or slut he called her,  
she called him rogue and knave,  
if he would fight,  
shéeed scratch and bite,  
He could no victory have.   

If john his dog had beaten,  
than joan would beat her cat,  
If john in scorn  
his band would burn,  
joan would have burnt her hat.  
If john would break a Pipkin,  
than joan would break a pot,  
thus he and she  
did both agree  
To waste all that they got.   

If john would eat no victuals,  
than joan would be as cross,  
they would not eat  
but saved their meat,  
In that there was no loss.  
If john were bend to feasting.  
then joan was of his mind,  
in right or wrong  
both sung one song,  
As Fortune them assigned.   

The second part  
To the same tune.  
 

IN Tavern or in Alehouse,  
if john and joan did meet,  
who ere was by  
in company,  
might taste their humours sweet:  
What ever john had called for,  
joan would not be outdared,  
those that lacked drink  
through want of chink  
For them the better fared.   

Thus would they both sit drinking,  
as long as coin did last,  
nay more than this,  
ere they would miss  
good liquor for their taste,  
Io●n would have damned his doublet,  
his cloak or any thing,  
and joan would pawn  
her coif of Lawn,  
Her bodkin or her ring.   

If john were drunk, and reeled,  
than joan would fall i'th' fire,  
if john fell down  
i'th' midst o'th' town,  
be wrayed in dirt and mire,  
joan like a kind copartner,  
scorned to stand on her feet,  
but down shéeed fall  
before them all,  
And role about the street.   

If john had called his Host knave,  
joan called her Hostis whore,  
for such like crimes  
they oftentimes  
were both thrust out of door.  
If john abused the Constable,  
joan would have beat the Watch  
thus man and wife,  
in peace or strife,  
Each other sought to match.   

But mark now how it chanced.  
after a year or more,  
this couple mad  
all wasted had,  
and were grown very poor,  
john could no more get liquor,  
nor joan could purchase drink,  
than both the man  
and wife began  
Upon their states to think.   

Thus beat with their own wepons,  
john thus to joan did say,  
Sweet heart I see  
we two agree  
the clean contrary way,  
Henceforth let's do in goodness.  
as we have done in ill,  
I'll do my best,  
do thou the rest:  
A match quoth joan, I will.   

So leaving those mad humours  
which them before possessed,  
both man and wife  
do lead a life  
in plenty, peace, and rest:  
Now john and joan both jointly,  
do set hands to the Plough.  
Let all do so  
in weal or woe,  
And they'll do well enough.    
M.P.  
Finis.   

Printed at London for Tho: Lambert.