A LETTER of a Baker of Boulougne, sent to the Pope.  
Translated out of the Italian Copy (printed at Florence) into French and Dutch and now into English,  IN DOMINO CONFIDO  printer's or publisher's device 
LONDON Printed for William Ferebrand, and are to be sold at his Shop in the Pope's▪ head-palace near the Royal Exchange. 1607.   

A LETTER OF a Baker of Boulogne sent to the Pope  
BEhold Master Pope, we have had wonderful great winds without any rain, and I am verily persuaded that the cloud wherein your Thunderbolt was enclosed was not well comprised, to make the clap sound upon the earth; or else, that the Venetian water was of so great virtue, that it extinguished or quenched the fire that threatened to burn and consume all Italy: But it may be, that therein you imitated jupiter (of whom you hold the Capitol) and gave out many threatening words, but durst not strike: contenting yourself to show what your Cyclops can do, without making proof thereof upon men's heads: which I believe to be true, if they had sought by prayers and Oblations to mollify and appease your wrath and furious displeasure, and not by obstinate contempt, or rather (as many men report) by an assured constancy, which the Venetians have showed in their just & rightful cause. But shall I tell you what I think? I am of opinion that you feared that the promises and the faith of the Spaniards are not so smooth as their faces: and that the Venetians should have ceased on Boulougne, with other places of the Churches patrimony, they would make as honest and good agreement with them, as they have lately made with the new Commonwealth of Holland. Let them say what they will of you Master Pope: for my part I perceive and find, that you have done great good unto our holy Mother the Church, by disputation moved & stirred up between you and the Venetians: In times past, there was none but the wicked and pestiferous Huguenots which disputed and enueighed against the holy Seat of Rome, and would by no means acknowledge any of Saint Peter's sword to belong unto you: but now at this time they are your own natural children, your tender & most dearly beloved friends, who perceiving you to be too much burdenned & overladen by bearing of two swords, have pulled out of your hands the one, which is called the temporal Sword, and so dulled and blunted the other, that from henceforth, it shall not cut but in measure and reason: But to remedy the matter, if you will follow my counsel, you shall do well and wisely to excommunicate all Princes and Potentates of Christendom, and to give their Realms and Dominions to those that have the best Mittens to lay hold of the Cat: But I will tell you what will fall out thereupon: they will all flatly make answer that they will do nothing, and tell you plainly, that it is not in your power, to take that from them which you never gave them. And to that end, they will cause Acts of Parliaments to be confirmed and ratified within their States and Dominions, and record it as a Decree, or Re iudicata for all posterities: and so you may sit down upon your tail with all your Pretences, and take your ease, whilst men come to kiss your feet, and so that solemn disputation shall be ended in your time, without taking any great pains to assemble a general Council, to tell both you and my Lord Bellarmine, that it is not a matter of Breviaries to govern and command kingdoms: and that you have no more authority to meddle with the Temporal power of Princes, than you would have them to intermeddle with your spiritual government. No doubt it will procure great good unto your seat, and somewhat abate the papal insolencies and threatenings, and by that means put Rome out of a great fear, and consequently bereave it of the hate of many men.  
Touching the Venetians, by whom so notable and memorable an enterprise hath been begun, I am sure, that you for your part will judge and esteem them to be worthy of a pardon and dispensation, to go into paradise, or to hell: and that they may lawfully hereafter bear in their shield of arms, a great pair of Shears, to witness to all posterity, that they were the first (among your faithful Massmongers) that durst curtal and clip your garment, which dagled too long on the ground. I counseled you before, to give all the Kingdoms & Dominions of the princes of Christendom as a pray unto their enemies: to the end that they may all flatly and plainly tell you, that they will not dance after such unpleasant music. And if you will believe me, you shall first begin with the house of Austria: and yet I am content that your ears should be cut off, if you do not find that it is not Catholic in that point. It is chief divided into three heads: as the Emperor, the King of Spain, and the Arehduke Albertus: and in which of them (I pray you) do you not find just occasion of deposition?  
Touching the Emperor, he hath made you the Turks Grandfather, taking him for his Son, and is so much busied with his Mathematicians, to take the measure and compass of the heavens, that he forgetteth and neglecteth his government on the earth▪ Is not this sufficient to depose him, & to raise the Duke of Bavaire in his place, as your predecessors in times past sought to do?  
As for the King of Spain, he is already absolutely excommunicated, ipso facto: for retaining and withholding Scicilia, and your noble kingdom of Naples from you. Ask Baronius counsel, and I am assured that he will tell you that you may lawfully kill and eat him (according to the commandment given by God unto S. Peter) & though it were in the middle of Lent: and suppose I pray you, what joy & pleasure it would be to that good old man, if he could as well take the Crown from the King of Spain's head, as the King of Spain took your place from him?  
There resteth nothing now but to deal with that Archduke Albertus, that durst be so bold, to make a truce, & to procure a peace with the Heretics of Holland: it is not that a sufficient crime, and a great offence to incur your sentence of displeasure? but if you think good to spare him, in regard of his ancient priesthood, yet you must at the least excommunicate spinola's purse, which is one of the greatest causes of this convention: but I am verily persuaded, that at your commandment the Archduke will always find occasion to renew the war: as first, that faith ought not be kept and observed with Heretics: and secondly, that a prince cannot enfranchise his subjects, & renounce his superiority over them to the prejudice of the estate of him & his successors: besides that, there may be a kind of equivocation, or mental reservation of some words used in the making of the treaty of peace: Again, it is lawful at all times to make war for our holy mother the Church: & to conclude, the Spaniard will not care greatly to prove perjured for his own profit and commodity.  
When you have excommunicated all these of the house of Austria, than you must set upon the King of France, & you may find matter enough to be offended and to take displeasure against him, & he means enough not to care much for it, and to send you bull for bull, letter for letter and if you will, two blows for one: and finally to proceed to my intent, he will take an oath of all his subjects (specially the Priests) that they shall neither believe nor teach, that the Pope can directly or indirectly, nor by right or wrong, neither yet by the head or the foot, depose a lawful king out of his Throne.  
But now we come to another great matter, & the question consisteth herein, what we shall do with the king of England? for assure yourself, he is not for you, & which is worse you shall not find much matter to lay hold upon touching him, nor his royal proceed; I am persuaded that the best way for you will be to let him alone, or else that you procure his friendship & that you wholly renounce all superiority over him, as the Spaniard hath done to those of Holland: and in regard thereof, he will make you a great present of all the Priests and jesuits in his country, which he will send unto you to Rome: and because that England is interdicted, he will procure that you shall be obeyed in that point, and that the Mass shall be no more used in his Dominions.  
This master pope I thought necessary to be written unto you, praying you to send me good store of holy Medales, but I would have them all of pure & fine gold, or else they will do me but small pleasure: Farewell.  
From my Bakehouse in Boulougne, upon this good Sunday, of Quasimodo.  
FINIS.